


The Group Chat AU That Nobody Asked For

by Reddxn



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Green Day, I Don't Know How But They Found Me (Band), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Brobecks, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bike, Frerard, Group chat, M/M, Peterick, Rikey, Ryden, Ryllon, brallon, joshler - Freeform, petekey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 165
Words: 197,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8232398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reddxn/pseuds/Reddxn
Summary: Frank makes a group chat and things (repeatedly) get out of hand





	1. tre cool is a tumblr boi

**Author's Note:**

> this is just explaining when everyone shows up because i'm an idiot and i keep adding new people:
> 
> Frank - chapter 1  
> Mikey - chapter 1  
> Tré - chapter 1  
> Billie - chapter 1  
> Gerard - chapter 2  
> Ray - chapter 2  
> Mike - chapter 2  
> Brendon - chapter 3  
> Dallon - chapter 10  
> Pete - chapter 24 (but then he disappears)  
> Tyler - chapter 42  
> Josh - chapter 43  
> Ryan - chapter 52  
> Pete - chapter 98 (he's back!)  
> Patrick - chapter 100

**\- Frank Iero** added **Mikey Way** and **Tré Cool** to **math squad**

 

 **Tré Cool:** frank we’re in the same classroom????

 **Frank Iero:** i needed something to entertain myself

 **Mikey Way:** guys ur making my phone go off really loud

 **Frank Iero:** sorry  
actually no im not sorry

 **Tré Cool:** mikey just turn ur phone volume down?

 **Frank Iero:** yea mikey just turn ur phone volume down… dont make me feel bad bc of ur lack of common sense

 **Mikey Way:** wow thanks a lot guys mr davis just threatened to take my phone away all bc of ur silly group chat

 **Frank Iero:** lmao we know we saw him

 **Tré Cool:** mikey!!! just turn ur sound down  
if u look at the side of ur phone  
u will see a + and a -  
and if u press the - button

 **Frank Iero** **:**  how long do we have until lunch

 **Tré Cool:** ur sound will become quieter so mr davis cant hear it  
wow thanks for interrupting me frank t(-.-t)

 **Frank Iero:** well tyPE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON THEN TRE OMG  
dont send messages  
that are all spaced out  
like this

 **Tré Cool:** i   
will  
type  
how  
i want  
to  
type

 **Mikey Way:** we have 34 minutes until lunch btw frank

 **Tré Cool:** guys should we add the rest of the squad then it'll be squad squad instead of math squad

 **Mikey Way:** no  
gerard billie ray and mike are all in history with miss fuckface and she confiscates phones if they go off

 

 **\- Tré Cool** added **Billie Joe Armstrong, Gerard Way, Mike Dirnt, and Ray Toro** to  **math squad**

 

 **Mikey Way:** oh u added them anyway   
okay

 

 **\- Tré Cool** renamed the group **squad squad**

 

 **Frank Iero:** no tre thats a terrible name

 

 **\- Mikey Way** renamed the group **no tre thats a terrible name**

 

 **Tré Cool:** mikey no u meanie   
im gonna change ur nickname

 **Mikey Way:** no tre

 

 **\- Tré Cool**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **meanie**

 

 **\- meanie**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **no tre**

 

 **meanie:** 2 can play at that game

 **no tre:** yes hello id like to file a complaint i dont like my nickname

 **Frank Iero:** i dont even have a nickname 

 

 **\- no tre**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to **i dont even have a nickname**

 

 **i dont even have a nickname:** tre no thats too long

 **no tre:** like my dick

 **meanie:** tre ur 14 ur dick isnt that big :/

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** wtf is going on what is this

 **i dont even have a nickname:** welcome to hell billie boy  
ha billie boy

 **meanie:** fraNK NO

 **no tre:** fraNK YES

 

 **\- i dont even have a nickname**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **billie boy**

 

 **no tre:** billie why isnt anyone else talking  
are we not good enough for them  
wheres mike  
why hath he betrayed me like so

 **i dont even have a nickname:** trE I TOLD U TO STOP TYPING LIKE THAT  
OBEY UR FATHER

 **no tre:** daddy

 **i dont even have a nickname:** im kinKSHAMING

 **billie boy:** they already had their phones confiscated lol i hid mine well tho

 **meanie:** billie is gerard behaving himself

 **billie boy:** yea  
well…  
he got kicked outta class already once for doing his eyeliner in the front camera of his phone

 **meanie:** its the first day of the year gerard calm urself

 **billie boy:** yea i know i told him to hakuna his tattas

 **i dont even have a nickname:** he doesnt have tattas billie he is male

 **no tre:** did u just asSUME his gENDER?///?

 **meanie:** away foul beast go back to tumblr

 

 **\- billie boy** changed **no tre's** nickname to  **tumblr boi**

 

 **tumblr boi:** equality is not a joke u guys :/

 **meanie:** ha tres a tumblr boi

 **i dont even have a nickname:** this just in: tre cool is a tumblr boi

 **billie boy:** he was a tumblr boi she said see ya later boi

 **meanie:** he wasnt tumblr enough for her

 **tumblr boi:** im calling the police

 **i dont even have a nickname:** ooh kinky ;)

 **tumblr boi:**  no frank

 

 **\- billie boy** changed  **i dont even have a nickname's**  nickname to  **franklin**

 

 **franklin:** thnak u bj

 **billie boy:** ur welcome

 **meanie:** ‘thnak’

 **tumblr boi:** sounds like someone with a lisp saying snack

 **meanie:** speaking of snacks i have cheetos in my bag

 **tumblr boi:** ooh cheetos

 **franklin:** cheerios

 **tumbr boi:** no frank he said cheetos

 **meanie:** omG TrE Sit doWN

 **billie boy:** WHAT HE DOING  
TRE BEHAVE  
UR DISSAPOINTING UR PARENTS

 **meanie:** *disappointing  
he got up and walked across the classroom and went in my bag looking for the cheetos

 

 **\- billie boy**  changed **tumblr boi's**  nickname to **tre sit down**

 

 **franklin:** nooooo tre got sent out :(

 **tre sit down:** anyone wanna join me lmao im bored out here alone

 **meanie:** u shoulda thought about that before u went in my bag tre

 **billie boy:** yeah tre he coulda had personal shit in there  
he coulda had a condom in there

 **franklin:** tre how do u think mikey would feel if u pulled a condom outta his bag

 **tre sit down:** idk mikey how would u feel??

 **meanie:** id be pretty surprised bc last time I checked there were no condoms in my bag  
im 14 sex is illegal for another 4 years

 **billie boy:** see everyone mikeys a good boy u should all take notes from him

 **tre sit down:** shut up billie u lost ur virginity when u were like 12 :/

 **billie boy:** *gasp* i did not  
also who told u that ???????

 **tre sit down:** mike did

 **billie boy:** me and michael will be having a talk later..

 **franklin:** tre hold on im coming out

 **meanie:** oh did u finally accept ur sexuality franklin

 **billie boy:** mikey dont be fucking rude being gay is not a bad thing

 **franklin:** oh wow u guys are funny u should do stand up comedy

 

 **\- meanie**  renamed the group **billie and mikeys stand up comdey**

 

 **billie boy:** u do realise that gerard ray and mikes phones are all going off in mrs jenkins drawer right?? and theyre really loud

 **tre sit down:** ‘comdey’  
and oh my goD billie do i have to say this again  
tuRN THEM DOWN

 **billie boy:** yes tre okay ill just go walk up to mrs jenkins desk and open her drawer and turn everyones phones down im sure she wont mind

 **franklin:** dO IT DO IT FOR THE VINE

 **tre sit down:** yass bj do it for the vine

 **meanie:** no billie dont do it for the vine its a trap there is no vine

 **billie boy:** guys  
guys im gonna do it

 **franklin:** guys i need something to get me kicked outta class so i can go see tre

 **meanie:** frank there is literally seven minutes until lunch u can see him then

 **billie boy:** climb onto ur desk and take ur shirt off and yell THIS IS FOR MY BOI TRE and then do a backflip onto the floor

 **tre sit down:** yes frank do it do it do it

 **meanie:** frank this is literally our first day of high school pls dont

 **billie boy:** lol guys i got sent out for turning everyones phones down im coming to meet u all where are u

 **tre sit down:** we’re in math  
well they are  
im outside

 **billie boy:** tre im coming to see u

 **tre sit down:** what was that bang  
o hmY GOD FRANK DID IT

 **meanie:** frrANK I CANNOT BelieV  
u are grOUNDED YOung mAn WAit unTIL ur fatHER GTES HoemM

 **billie boy:** wow mikey did u have a stroke whats with the random capitals and terrible spelling

 **franklin:** i got sent out :(((  
but dat backflip tho

 **billie boy:** o shit waddup

 **meanie:** i dont like u all being out there without me :(  
u could be saying mean things about me

 **franklin:** no mikey ur the meanie here

 

 **\- meanie**  changed **franklin's**  nickname to **franklin is an asss**

 

 **\- meanie**  changed **billie boy's**  nicknameto **comdey partner**

 

 **\- meanie** changed **tre sit down's** nickname to  **naughty**

 

 **franklin is an asss:** ‘asss’

 **comdey partner:** ‘comdey’

 **meanie:** im leaving ur all assholes bye

 

 **\- meanie** left  **billie and mikeys stand up comdey**

 

 **franklin is an asss:** no mikey u dont get to leave that easy

 

 **\- franklin is an asss** added **meanie** to  **billie and mikeys stand up comdey**

 

 **naughty:** guys yee the bell just went its lunch  
mikey im stealing ur cheetos

 **meanie:** no ur not and also does this mean we can talk like normal people now

 **comdey partner:** yes but only until the end of lunch then its group chat time again

 **franklin is an asss:** no billie its squad chat not group chat

 **naughty:** actually its billie and mikeys stand up comdey


	2. gerard fc: the only soccer team that matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An actual update. Wow.

**Ray Toro:** what the actual fuck is this

 **meanie:** hello ray welcome to billie and mikeys stand up comdey  
i am mikey

 **comdey partner:** adn im am billei  
sorery am tuping in a vefry difficcvult positi on

 **franklin is an asss:** sex position

 **Ray Toro:** no frank hes ducking under the desk so the teacher doesnt see his phone

 **naughty:** ducking under the desk to suck his own dick more like

 **Gerard Way:** billie pls sit up ur just drawing more attention to urself

 **comdey partner:** up ssdhut ur aSS GErardfc

 **meanie:** billie what is GErardfc

 **naughty:** gerard fc: a soccer team coached by gerard

 **meanie:** gerard fc: the only soccer team that matters

 **Gerard Way:** guys i dont appreciate u planning my career out for me :/

 **comdey partner:** teacher left i can type like a normal person now

 **meanie:** we need some new nicknames guys

 **Gerard Way:** allow me mikey

 

 **\- Gerard Way** changed **meanie's** nicknameto **moikeh**

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **Ray** **Toro's**  nickname to **torosaurus**

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **comdey partner's**  nicknameto **blowjob**

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **naughty's**  nickname to **tree**

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **franklin is an asss's**  nickname to **fronkeh**

 

 **Gerard Way:** beautiful if i do say so myself

 **moikeh:** gerard u need a nickname too

 **Gerard Way:** um no

 **fronkeh:** imma change it

 **Gerard Way:** hush now franklin i am working

 

 **\- fronkeh**  changed **Gerard** **Way's**  nickname to **geererd**

 

 **geererd:** wow frank.. creative

 **Mike Dirnt:** sorry guys i got my phone stuck in my shoe what did i miss

 **torosaurus:** gerard has a soccer team named gerard fc  
its pretty sick

 **blowjob:** okay is everyone just gonna ignore that mike got his phone stuck in his shoe??

 **fronkeh:** apparently so

 **Mike Dirnt:** dont judge i dropped it

 **blowjob:** ur a dumbass  
love u tho <3

 **tree:**??

 **fronkeh:** wAit what

 **moikeh:** yea billie.. what

 **blowjob:** oh yeah that reminds me  
i have an announcement  
me and mike are Gay™ together

 **Mike Dirnt:** u didnt tell them?

 **blowjob:** no i forgot

 **geererd:** okay that was an unexpected but nice bit of news  
congrats u guys  
use condoms

 **Mike Dirnt:** ty gee but we dont need u to parent us

 **torosaurus:** im done with this class someone save me

 **tree:** and by save u u mean?

 **torosaurus:** i mean come up with a way i can get kicked out  
pls  
guys  
like now

 

 **\- tree**  changed **Mike Dirnt's**  nickname to **miiike**

 

 **miiike:** ha thats how billie sounds when we frick frack

 **fronkeh:** ‘frick frack’ mike we’re not 5 u can say fuck

 **blowjob:** wOW thANKS miKE JUST telL TEHm eveRYThiNg

 **moikeh:** billie pls spell correctly

 **geererd:** hold the fuck up u guys i want details  
like  
are u actually dating  
or just fuck buddies

 **torosaurus:** gerard u cant just ASK someone that jfc

 **miiike:** used to be fuck buddies but we’re actualy dating now

 **blowjob:** but we dont go out on dates or anything  
cos dats geyyyyyyy

 **tree:** thats fucking homophobic william

 **blowjob:** my name isnt even william?????

 **torosaurus:** dont be rude william

 **blowjob:** fuk u lot im out

 

 **\- blowjob** left **billie and mikeys stand up comdey**

 

 **geererd:** no my beloved come back

 **miiike:** stfu gerard hes my boyfirned get ur own

 **moikeh:** mike what is a ‘boyfirned’

 **miiike:** suck my fucking dick mikey and dont correct my spelling

 **moikeh:** how can i suck ur dick if u have a boyfriend  
excuse me sorry I meant boyfirned

 **geererd:** mikey ur 14 u shouldnt be sucking anyones dick

 **fronkeh:** especially not someone who has a boyfirned

 

 **\- miiike** left **billie and mikeys stand up comdey**

 

 **geererd:** no we’re pushing all our frens away :((((((

 **moikeh:** theyve probs gone to do the frick frack in the toilets ;)

 

 **\- tree** renamed the group **everyones leaving :(**

 

 **fronkeh:** o shIT u guys :/

 **geererd:** what???

 **torosaurus:** frank wat did u do now

 **fronkeh:** nothing raymond nothing  
its just  
i kinda maybe somehow jammed the volume button on my phone??

 **tree:** yea so? ur point?

 **fronkeh:** well with my volume button being jammed i cannot turn my sound down  
meaning unless u guys shut the fUCK up i will have my phone taked away

 **geererd:** ‘taked away’ frank what are u 5??

 **fronkeh:** fuk u jurard i meant taken

 

 **\- tree**  changed **geererd's**  nickname to **jurassic**

 

 **torosaurus:** tre what

 **tree:** omg no autocorrect changed it  
i meant to type jurard

 **jurassic:** tre i do not appreciate being named jurassic or jurard

 

 **\- jurassic**  changed **tree's** nickname to  **dick**

 

 **dick:** well i dont appreciate being named dick

 **jurassic:** OKAY WHICH ONE OF U FUCKS IS PLAYING THE JURASSIC PARK THEME RLLY FUCKING LOUD

 **torosaurus:** that would be me

 **jurassic:** ray ur an ass  
hA RAY GOT KICKED OUT OF CLASS FUCK U

 **torosaurus:** jokes on u i wanted to get kicked out ha

 **dick:** ooh ray im gonna come find u hold on

 **moikeh:** tre how about u dont

 **torosaurus:** since when is it against school rules to play the jurassic park theme anyway

 **jurassic:** its not  
but it is against school rules to stand up on ur seat and point at me and say “i dedicate this sick ass tune to my boi gerard who is now going by the name jurassic”

 **fronkeh:** guys shutt he FUJCKV UPPP

 **dick:** sorry fronk we only speak english here in this english group chat

 **torosaurus:** tbf this strange dialect weve adopted cant really be classed as english…

 

 **\- dick** renamed the group **FUJCKV**

 

 **jurassic:** guys im literally so close to leaving this group idek whats going on anymore

 **moikeh:** frank cant spell and ray uses big words  
thats whats going on

 **jurassic:** did anyone else just hear that rlly loud bang

 **moikeh:** frank u better not be backflipping off tables again

 **fronkeh:** mikey ur sitting right next to me u pie

 **torosaurus:** pie

 **dick:** pie, noun: a baked dish of fruit, or meat and vegetables, typically with a top and base of pastry.  
“a meat pie”  
synonyms: pastry, tart, tartlet, quiche, pasty, patty, turnover

 **jurassic:** no seriously u guys what was that bang

 **dick:** billie just messaged me and told me to add him and mike back because they "have a fun story"  
i think its about the bang  
im looking to the elders for guidance

 **moikeh:** i will guide u  
into a fucking ditch

 **torosaurus:** u have come to us for guidance yes

 **dick:** that is correct

 **jurassic:** what do u need guiding towards young man

 **dick:** am i allowed to add billie and mike back to the chat

 **torosaurus:** hm  
i think we need to ask the creator of the chat  
frANK

 **fronkeh:** no  
they chose to abandon the squad  
they are DEAD to me

 **dick:** incorrect answer frankie  
u are the weakest link goodbye

 

 **\- dick** removed **fronkeh** from **FUJCKV**

 

 **jurassic:** tre dont be fucking rude

 

 **\- jurassic** removed **dick** from **FUJCKV**

 

 **torosaurus:** fucking play nicely

 

 **\- torosaurus** removed **jurassic** from **FUJCKV**

 

 **moikeh:** fucking SAVAGE raymond

 

 **\- torosaurus** removed **moikeh** from **FUJCKV**

 

 **torosaurus:** dont fucking swear mikey its rude  
... oh shit

 

 **\- torosaurus** left **FUJCKV**


	3. basically we all have one collective ass that we share except mikey who has 12 asses all to himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya boy brendon is here

**\- Mike Dirnt**  added **Billie Joe Armstrong, Tré Cool, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, and Ray Toro** to  **you on kazoo**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** okay u guys listen up me and billie have a funny story

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** but first we have rules to go over   
like bo removibg people from the chat  
coughTREcough

 **Tré Cool:** fuk u i do what i want 

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **getard**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Ray Toro's**  nickname to **fro**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to  **frnk**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Mike Dirnt's**  nickname to **dirnto**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **legstrong**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **coolio**

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  changed their own nickname to **mky**

 

 **dirnto:** mikey nO   
i have a story

 **frnk:** guess what  
no one cares

 **legstrong:** frabk   
hush  
listeb

 **fro:** okay guys shut ur ass up i actyally wanna hear the story

 **getard:** that should say "shut ur asses up" bc we all have separate asses to shut 

 **mky:** or maybe we have one collectibve ass 

 **frnk:** too spoopy mkeiy too spoopy 

 **mky:** 'mkeiy'

 **frnk:** shut ur asses up mikey 

 **getard:** incorrect  
that should say "shut ur ass up" bc mikey only has one ass to shut 

 **dirnto:** i dont even know whats happening anymore 

 **fro:** basically we all have one collective ass that we share except mikey who has 12 asses all to himself 

 **legstrong:** okAYY SHUYT UR FUCKJIbG WHORE MOUTHSD abd liSTEbv  
u all kow that kid brebdob right 

 **coolio:** 'brebdob'

 **legstrong:** i do ot deserve this abuse 

 

 **\- legstrong** left **you on kazoo**

 

 **\- dirnto** added **legstrong** to **you on kazoo**

 

 **dirnto:** billie joe armstrong listen here u little shit   
i cannot recount hte story by myself   
stay put and fucking help me

 **legstrong:** its bot a complicated story michael ryab pritchard 

 **fro:** just tell the damn story u lemon flavoured starburst 

 **mky:**??????

 **fro:** no one likes the lemon ones 

 **getard:** ray are u implying that no one likes billie

 **dirnto:** i like billie 

 **frnk:** ew mike likes lemon starburst  
ewwwwwww  
ew ew ew

 **coolio:** go and sin someplace else 

 

 **\- coolio** removed **dirnto** from **you on kazoo**

 

 **legstrong:** what are you doig tre stop it

 

 **\- legstrong** added **dirnto** to **you on kazoo**

 

 **dirnto:** ty bae <3  
anyway  
story time

 **legstrong:** so does everyobe kbow the brebdob kid

 **getard:** 'brebdob'  
billie are u okay today

 **legstrong:** suck a cock gerard

 **dirnto:** he broke the n key on his phone 

 **fro:** how?? its not even a proper keyboard?

 **legstrong:** lobg story short  
my phobe fell out of my pocket wheb i was rubbibg aaway from a rabid dog yesterday

 **frnk:** as u do 

 **legstrong:** so bow i use b to replace it

 **coolio:** wouldnt it make more sense to use m tho?

 **legstrong:**... mo tre remove urself from my busimess 

 **dirnto:** can we foCUS PLS  
so we all know the brendon kid yes

 **frnk:** delinquent brendon who has 0 chill? yes 

 **mky:** no who dat 

 **getard:** -sigh- theres always one  
brendon is the forehead boy  
u know  
the one u pointed at and said "gee look that boy is 50% forehead"

 **mky:** o yes i rememver   
go on mike

 **dirnto:** ty mikey  
anyway he was in mine and billies class earlier and we had a test but people kept walking in and out   
and this one guy left the door open every time he left  
so brendon got up and yelled HAVENT U PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GOD DAMN DOOR 

 **legstrong:** he got kicked out   
it was rlly fummy actually 

 

 **\- getard** added **Brendon Urie** to **you on kazoo**

 

 **dirnto:** no gerard what are u doing  
now he’ll know we talked about him

 **Brendon Urie:** brebdob

 **legstrong:** soz my m key on my phome is brokem  
m means m btw  
fUCK

 **mky:** with billie m+b means n

 

 **\- coolio**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **brebdob**

 

 **fro:**  tre why   
brendon isnt part of the squad  
he shouldnr even be here

 

 **\- frnk**  renamed the group **brendon on kazoo**

 

 **frnk:** ur welcome brendon

 **brebdob:**  im not rlly sure who any of u are... but its been fun  
gOtTA blAS t

 

 **\- brebdob** left  **brendon on kazoo**

 

 **\- mky**  renamed the group **#SQUADGOALS**

 

 **fro:** well that was exhilarating


	4. jesus died for ur profiteroles mike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try and update often

**frnk:** ANNOUNCEMENT TIME ANNOUNCEMENT TIME 

 **mky:** frank its 4:03 am this better be important 

 **dirnto:** mikey just say 4am ffs is the 3 mins rlly that important 

 **frnk:** mikey have u noticed an addition to ur house 

 **fro:** i stg guys im gonna choke u all

 **coolio:** choke me daddy

 **legstrong:** TRE I AM DISGUSTED  
ray is our frIEND  
not ur daddy

 **dirnto:** tre need to pray for forigiveness 

 **mky:** u could say he needs to  
*put on sunglasses*  
pre   
(u guys get it right??)

 **frnk:** wait mikey how do u put sunglasses on   
do u take ur regular glasses off or..?

 **mky:** no u plum i wouldnt be able to see 

 **dirnto:** plum

 **coolio:** plum, noun: an oval fleshy fruit which is purple, reddish, or yellow when ripe and contains a flattish pointed stone.

 **legstrong:** tre do u have to give definitions on every non insulting word that is used as an insult

 **coolio:** i do 

 **dirnto:** miKEY how do u wear sunglasses  
do u wear them over ur normal glasses then?

 **mky:** actually mike i dont wear sunglasses i just stick with regular glasses

 **fro:** then why did u put sunglasses on

 **mky:** i dont have to answer ur questions  
anyhoo  
i am going back to sleep

 **legstrong:** tre needs to pray for forgiveness for his sins first

 **coolio:** k  
our daddy who art in ray toros house because ray toro is my daddy 

 **dirnto:** trE NO

 **fro:** i swear 90% of this group chat is just everyone saying "tre no"

 **frnk:** hey asshats i have an announcement so if any of u wanna shut the hecky hoo up that would be gr8

 **legstrong:** 'hecky hoo'

 **dirnto:** profiterole is a sin

 **mky:** 'profiterole' 

 **coolio:** jesus died for ur profiteroles mike 

 **dirnto:** fuck u all my phone corrected profanity to profiterole 

 **frnk:** annOUNCEMENT   
LISTEN  
GERARD WHERE ARE U

 **getard:** right next to u frankie 

 **mky:** wait what  
frank are u in our house??

 **frnk:** i am

 **legstrong:** 2spooky4me

 **coolio:** 5spooky9me

 **fro:** 17spooky8920987652829me 

 **dirnto:** ray no

 **frnk:** ANYWAY LISTEN UP  
YES MIKEY I AM IN UR HOUSE  
IN GERARDS BEDROOM  
IN GERARDS BED

 **coolio:** wheres gerard then

 **getard:** im also in my bed tre  
just give him a second

 **coolio:** o hM yyy GODDDDD  
FRERARD IS REAL

 **mky:** i  
what  
i dont   
whAT

 **ray:** i fucking knew it

 **legstrong:** conGRATS U GAYS

 **dirnto:** tre what is frerard 

 **coolio:** its gerard and franks ship name   
ive been waiting for them to get together for years  
since before the war

 **getard:** well now we are together

 **frnk:** we just fucked btw

 **getard:** frANK MY BROTHER IS IN THIS GROUP

 **mky:** ew ew ew

 **legstrong:** well this has been exciting and vaguely disturbing but im going back to sleep now night

 **coolio:** we're probably all gonna be late for school tomorrow now  
thanks frank

 **fro:** tell them it was for a good reason

 **dirnto:** yea im sure theyll appreciate us all walking in 3 hours late and sayign "sorry we're late but frank fucking woke everyone up at 4am just to tell us he fucked gerard"

 **mky:** 4:03am actually

 **dirnto:** go and fuck an octopus mikey

 **legstrong:** mike if u tell that excuse to miss mckreedy and she'll say "i knew those bois were gay"

 **coolio:** when did we all decide to replace boy with boi 

 **mky:** there was a formal meeting in which we discussed whehter boy or boi sounded better  
boi won

 **frnk:** miss mckreedy knows too much

 **fro:** 987999829272572874spooky2625327369239me

 **getard:** raY NO


	5. 50 names of brendon urie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya boy brendon is #back

**coolio:** guys i am actually done with high school

 **frnk:** tre weve been here for like a month

 **dirnto:** tbh im also done with high school  
gonna drop out and become a drug dealer

 **legstrong:** same

 **coolio:** #RELATIONSHIPGOALS

 **getard:** all ive done in this class is draw and eat childbirth 

 **frnk:** I AM CONCERNED

 **getard:** I MEANT CHEETOS   
WHAT THE FUCK AUTOMOBILE WHY ARE U LIKE THHSI

 **legstrong:** 'automobile' 

 **mky:** when ur car makes u eat children :/  
lms if u agree

 **getard:** omF NO I meANt AUTOCORRECT

 **dirnto:** gerard maybe ur autocorrect is spazzing out bc u keep tYPinG LIkE thISs

 **fro:** what did i miss this time  
every time i dont check my messages something happens 

 **coolio:** gerards car forces him to eat human children

 **frnk:** miKEY JUST GOT KICKED OUR OF CLASS   
U GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUNNY I FIND THIS

 **mky:** shut up frank i didnt even do anything

 **coolio:** yea sure  
if kickingg the back of my chair, tipping ur desk over and throwing a pen at frank is doing 'nothing' 

 **getard:** mieky i am shock

 **mky:** 'mieky'

 **legstrong:** mikey we must be sole mates i just got kicked out of class too

 **fro:** 'sole mates' 

 **dirnto:** billie this is why ur failinng english

 **legstrong:** im nto failig englsih waht

 **coolio:** literally nothing in that sentence is spelled propelry 

 **frnk:** billie wat did u do

 **legstrong:** i kicked my bag over by accident and the milk spilled eveywhre 

 **coolio:** no use crying over spilled milk bj

 **mky:** is no one wondering why he had milk in his bag in the first place

 **legstrong:** for science 

 **fro:** this week on #SQUADGOALS  
gerards car forces him to eat human children  
and billie has milk in his bag for scientific purposes 

 **mky:** i believe its time we changed the group name  
we sound like a bunch of fuckbois

 **fro:** mikey it was u who named the group that anyway

 **frnk:** it would have been fine if we just left it what i named it

 **getard:** frank u named it barndon on kazoo and scared him away

 **legstrong:** 'barndon'

 **getard:** brandon  
brendan  
foREHEAD BOY

 

 **\- dirnto** added **brebdon** to **#SQUADGOALS**

 

 **brebdob:** heard u been talking shit

 **getard:** miKE NO  
WHY

 **dirnto:** he sits behind me in this class and he saw u butcher the spelling of his name  
he demanded i add him in

 **brebdob:** okay brebdob i get  
but barndon  
really 

 **fro:** once we start letting outsiders in  
theyll all want in

 **mky:** itll be chaos

 **coolio:** guyS U KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIzED

 **getard:** what tre what

 **coolio:** ItS OCTOBER  
HALLOWEEN  
YASSSSSSSSS

 **brebdob:** yeS HALLOWEEN YES

 **coolio:** finaLLTY SOMEONE SHARS MY JOY

 **brebdob:** yesssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssss

 **fro:** gr8 now we have 2 halloween hoes

 **coolio:** guyz can we keep brendon 

 **dirnto:** hes not a dog tre

 **mky:** wow look someone actually spelled forehead boys name right

 

 **\- frnk**  changed **brebdob's**  nickname to  **forehead boy**

 

 **\- forehead boy** changed **frnk's**  nickname to **midget boy**

 

 **midget boy:** ty brednbon 

 **forehead boy:** brEDNBON WHAT

 **legstrong:** frank u spelled brembsond wrong 

 **frnk:** no billie its bernodn 

 **fro:** coming this year from the cretaors of 50 shades of grey  
50 names of brendon urie  
starring all time fave such as brebdon and barndon   
and introducing new names such as brednbon, brembsond and bernodn

 **forehead boy:**...  
im not even mad  
i would watch the shit out of that


	6. a penis medal for ur service in the war

**dirnto:** i love having my heart broken :)))

 **legstrong:** choke on a dick mike :)))))))

 

 **\- dirnto** removed **legstrong** from **#SQUADGOALS**

 

 **mky:** ooh drama

 **getard:** why is it whenever theres drama ur here in 0.2 seconds

 **mky:** i was here anyway  
i was about to inform u all that frank got suspended bc he called mr turner a slut  
and tre got kicked out of class

 **midget boy:** mikey at least give the full quote

 **mky:** "haha fuck this bullSHIT WHY ARE THERE LETTERS IN MATH i stg im gonna punch someone in a minute fuck this im going on twitter to bitch about- nO MR TURNER I WILL NOT SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO UR DULL ASS VOICE- anyway mikey do u understand this bc i dont- foR FUCK SAKE MR TURNER WHAT DO U WANT NOW NO IM NOT GONNA BE QUIET NO OMF JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP U BALD HEADED SLUT"

 **midget boy:** mikey what the fuck u remembered it word for word

 **fro:** frANK IM SCREMINFG WHY

 **midget boy:** for the lulz

 **getard:** okay and why did tre get kicked out

 **coolio:** apparenly im not allowed to say"get rekt" when mr turner told frank to leave

 **forehead boy:** im curious whats going on with billie and mike  
frank that was fucking hilarious btw i could hear u throwing a bitch fit from my class

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **#SQUADGOALS - billie**

 

 **dirnto:** tre this is gonna be #SQUADGOALS - billie and tre in a minute if u dont watch ur attitude

 **coolio:** :(

 

 **\- getard** renamed the group **rip bj**

 

 **getard:** i miss him already :'(

 **dirnto:** geRARD  
there will be no speak of cheating dickfucks in this group

 **fro:** dickfuck?

 **mky:** cheating?

 **forehead boy:** what happened

 **dirnto:** brendon ur not part of the squad why are u still here

 **coolio:** i like him he stays

 **forehead boy:** tre like me bc we both like halloween 

 **midget boy:** mike tell us what happened  
we're ur friends   
and also nosy asf 

 **dirnto:** billie kissed someone that wasnt me   
like wtf????  
why?????????????

 **fro:** o damn  
i didnt think bj was like that

 **dirnto:** neitehr did i

 

 **\- midget boy** added **legstrong** to **rip bj**

 

 **mky:** yas frank fuck it up

 **forehead boy:**... why do i get the feeling that was a bad move

 **dirnto:** frank i will literally rip ur dick off and stick it to the wall 

 **coolio:** a penis medal for ur service in the war 

 **legstrong:** ohkayy before mike gets his panties in a twist and removes me  
I DID NOT KISS ANYONE

 

 **\- dirnto** removed **legstrong** from **rip bj**

 

 **dirnto:** liES 

 

 **\- coolio** removed **dirnto** from **rip bj**

 

 **\- coolio** added **legstrong** to **rip bj**

 

 **fro:** this group is a mess  
add me back when shits calmed down

 

 **\- fro** left **rip bj**

 

 **mky:** billie what is ur version of tihs incodent 

 **midget boy:** 'incodent'

 **mky:** frank not now   
billie

 **legstrong:** me and mike got into an argument bc i dont wanna tell my mom about us yet  
he said it was bc i dont really love him lol bullshit   
so at lunch i decided to be awkward and sit on a different table and he coulndt find me and he got rlly mad about that

 **getard:** yea he sat with us but he wouldnt say what was up

 **legstrong:** there was this girl called adrienne at the table i was on

 **coolio:** wait  
the adrienne u used to date

 **legstrong:** yes tre that is correct

 **mky:** wait wait wait  
u got in an argument with ur boyfriend  
so u sat with ur ex girlfriend to piss him off

 **legstrong:** no mikey  
i sat at a table and she just happened to turn up   
and then mike saw us sitting together and started assuming shit 

 **getard:** lets call michael in and see what he has to say

 

 **\- getard** added **dirnto** to **rip bj**

 

 **mky:** u know what  
i have a better idea

 

 **\- coolio** added **Adrienne Nesser** to **rip bj**

 

 **mky:** let the fun begin

 **getard:** mikey nO   
NOW UR JUST TRYING TO  CREATE DRAMA

 **mky:** quiet gerard i need it  
i am a drama junkie

 **legstrong:** lol bYE

 

 **\- legstrong** left **rip bj**

 

 **\- forehead boy** added **legstrong** to **rip bj**

 

 **forehead boy:** how about we just sort this out before it escalates 

 **dirnto:** u know what brerdnon  
u can fuck a turtle  
u have been here for like 1 day and u start taking control

 **forehead boy:** aaaaand were back to misspelling my name

 **coolio:** wait like a normal turtle or a ninja turtle  
bc normal turtles are a bit small  
wheras ninja turtles are probably quite experienced 

 **midget boy:** tre nO

 **legstrong:** MIKE I DIDNT KISS ANYONE 

 **dirnto:** U WERE SITTING NEXT TO UR EX  
WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO  THIKN

 **legstrong:** whats the mtatter dont u trust me

 **getard:** omf i just read 'mtatter' as m'tattas and i pictured a guy in a fedora talking to a pair of boobs

 **forehead boy:** gerard i dont think ur helping much

 

 **\- midget boy** renamed the group **m'tattas**

 

 **mky:** ADRIENNE WHAT DO U HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS 

 **Adrienne Armstrong:** why would u fuck a normal turtle when u can fuck a ninja turtle

 **mky:** thank u for ur contribution 

 

 **\- Adrienne Nesser** left **m'tattas**

 

 **legstrong:** mike i love u more than anything why would i kiss someone else

 **dirnto:** rlly

 **legstrong:** yea rlly i swear i would never cheat on u 

 **dirnto:** and id never cheat on u bj  
sorry for throwing a fit

 **legstrong:** sorry for sitting with adrienne 

 **getard:** aw look they made up

 **dirnto:** love u bj

 **legstrong:** love u too mike  
no homo

**midget boy added fro to m'tattas**

**midget boy:** its okay ray u can come back the gays have made up 

 **fro:** o good did i miss anything else

 **coolio:** mikey added more drama to the preexisting drama, brendons gonna fuck a ninja turtle and gerard fantasises about a man in a fedora speaking to a pair of boobs

 **fro:** oh the usual then


	7. tag urself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update you guys :D

_**legstrong sent a photo to m'tattas** _

**legstrong:** why does this look like a modern renaissance painting

 **fro:** what even is that where did u get that 

 **legstrong:** tis from the party last night  
u know  
when we were all shitfaced 

 **getard:** ha HA im not gonna look at that 

 **forehead boy:** tag urself im mikey with his face in a bowl of cereal 

 **dirnto:** im ray laid on the kitchen table with a sock in his mouth 

 **coolio:** im billie doing a headstand in the sink

 **mky:** im frank puking all over himself

 **midget boy:** o dear lord thats embarrassing 

 **forehead boy:** yea it is frank  
u barely drank anything yet u projectile vomited all over urslef  
i on the other hand didnt puke at all

 **midget boy:** berdon i am 14   
u are 18??  
and i am smol

 **forehead boy:** 'berdon'  
and im 15 frank  
15

  **fro:** that was wild last night  
i think  
i cant actually rememember

 **getard:** it says meme in the middle of that word 

 **coolio:** guYS ITS NEALRY HALLOWEEN U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS  
GETTING DRUNK AND BEING SPOOKY

 **midget boy:** YES IM ALMOST 15   
eXcItEmEnT

 **mky:** im already 15 ha fucker

 

 **\- midget boy** removed **mky** from **m'tattas**

 

 **midget boy:** can do withuot ur negativity mikey

 **forehead boy:** isnt negativity the christmas plays  
u know  
with jesus and all that

 **getard:** no bedron thats nativity 

 **midget boy:** i can do without ur nativity too 

 **forehead boy:** BEDRON WHAT

 

 **\- getard**  changed **forehead boy's**  nickname to **bedron**

 

 **bedron:** gerard how woud u like it if i called u garerd or someshit   
or gayrard

 **getard:** nO BRENDON

 **bedron:** funny how u remember how to spell my name now 

 **midget boy:** i dont wanna be the only one with a two word nickname :(

 **bedron:** fine

 

 **\- bedron**  changed **midget boy's**  nickname to **According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on y**

 

 **coolio:** uhhh...  
i dont know how to react to this

 **getard:** i dont think anyone does tre

 **According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on y** **:** brendon did u just change my nicknme to the bee movie script

 **bedron:** well i tried  
it only let me use part of it

 **dirnto:** brendon u did that in like 2 seconds how

 **bedron:** i have the bee movie script saved onto my phone  
for reasons

 **fro:** of course u do 

 

 **\- fro** added **mky** to **m'tattas**

 

 **dirnto:** mikey u missed it

 **mky:** missed what

 **According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on y:** look what brendon did to my name mikey look

 **mky:** oHM YG oDD BRDNON whYY

 **bedron:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **fro**  changed **According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on y's**  nicknameto **frnk**

 

 **fro:** there   
all better

 **frnk:** ty ray ty

 **dirnto:** did any one else hear that then

 **mky:** hear what

 **dirnto:** he scream  

 **legstrong:** i agree

 **getard:** okay what   
im confused?

 **frnk:** someone screaming 

 **dirnto:** wait..  
brendon is that u i hear screaming again?

 **bedron:**...  
peopLE NEED TO LEARN TO CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOORS OKAY

 **coolio:** which door??

 **bedron:** the main doors at the front of the school

 **fro:** BRENDON ITS AN AUTOMATIC DOOR U SAUSAGE

 **mky:** sausage 

 **coolio:** sausage, noun: an item of food in the form of a cylindrical length of minced pork or other meat encased in a skin, typically sold raw to be grilled or fried before eating.

 **bedron:** ty tre

 **getard:** sosage   
quick wheres that picture of jordan ramsey with the sosage 

 **legstrong:** joRDAN RAMSEY IM SCREECHING  
gerard its gordan ramsey

 **mky:** billie its gordon ramsey not gordan ramsey

 **frnk:** its leviOsa not levioSA

 **fro:** it staretd out with ppl saying "im laughing" and "im crying" then it went to "im screaming" and now billies taken it to "im screeching"   
when will thr madess end

 **dirnto:** IM HOLLERING

 **bedron:** IM JOGGING

 **getard:** IM HIBERNATING

 **coolio:** IM LACTATING 

 **frnk:** trE NO

 **fro:** damn frank  
back at it again with the trE NO

 **legstrong:** guys help i have shirt trapped in my locker???

 **coolio:** okay first of all how  
second of all how  
and third of all HOW

 **legstrong:** i wanted to see what would happen if i shut my locker with the egde of my shirt inside 

 **getard:**...  
mike remind me why are u with him again

 **dirnto:** dick too bomb

 **bedron:** me, an intellectual: phallic member excessively explosive 

 **legstrong:** oh its explosive alright ;)

 **fro:** omF BILLIE NO


	8. billie we're going to jail can u not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day, damn.

**\- getard** changed  **legstrong's**  nickname to **billy**

 

 **getard:** fucker

 **billy:** gerard pls

 **dirnto:** i have questions

 **getard:** we were doing a group project  
and i trUSTED HIM TO WRITE OUR NAMES ON THE THING  
AND HE FUCKING WROTE 'GERALD'  
so he can go back to being billie when he learns to spell

 

 **\- billy**  changed **getard's**  nickname to **gerald**

 

 **frnk:** gerard u actual piece of fucking lemon  
i was in the principals office and my phone went off and now hes taken it away   
its mikey btw

 **fro:** mikey why were u in the prinicpals office

 **coolio:** hA i have absolutely nothing to do with this at all 

 **gerald:** tre what did u do to my brother

 **coolio:** goTTA GO FAST

 

 **\- coolio** left **m'tattas**

 

 **gerald:** mikey what did he do

 **frnk:** well we were reading quietly in english  
but it all changed when the fire nation attacked   
frANK NO  
sorry frank took his phone back (its mikey again btw)  
we were reading quietly in english and tre fucking threw his book at me and when i went to throw it back i accidentally hit the teacher

 **billy:** 'accidentally'

 

 **\- billy** changedtheir own nickname to **bja**

 

 **\- bja** changed **gerald's**  nickname to **gee**

 

 **bja:** there are we good now

 **gee:** fuck u  
but yes

 **fro:** mikey u need to chill  
ur gonna be the first one of us to be kicked out 

 **frnk:** i was the first to get suspended   
its frank now btw

 **dirnto:** this is confusing asf im gonna go steal mikeys phone back

 **bja:** im gonna help

 **gee:** guys no dont u dare get suspended or ill flip my shit

 **bedron:** i will also be of assistance   
seeing as ive already been kicked out of my class

 **fro:** the hell did u do this time

 **bedron:** the teachers dont like me being dressed as the spooky scary skeletons guy

 **bja:** ur drESSED AS THE SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS GUY OMF  
I CANNOT

 **dirnto:** YES BRENDON GET OVER HERE NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT

 **bedron:** on my way 

 **gee:** i somehow feel like i should be involved in this  
but my parents will literally murder me if i get in too much trouble this year

 **fro:** im staying put i dont want anything to do with ur trouble making 

 

 **\- frnk** added **coolio** to **m'tattas**

 

 **coolio:** frank no gerards gonna execute me

 **gee:** no tre calm down

 **frnk:** mikey should have his phone back any second now

 **coolio:** how 

 **fro:** billie mike and brendon have gone to steal it back  
and brendons dressed as the spooky scary skeleton guy 

 **coolio:** WAIT  
THATS BRENDON??????  
I SAW HIM EARLIER AND I WAS LIKE WTF

 **fro:** what are we gonna do with him

 **frnk:** ray u sound like an affectionate yet fed up parent talking to their rebellious son

 **coolio:** ray toro is brendons daddy 

 **fro:** trE NO

 **gee:** we should count how many times someone has said trE NO in this group  
i feel like its at least 10

 **coolio:** its definitely not that much i am not a bad kid gerard have some faith in me

 **fro:** changing the subject  
billie mike and brendon arent talking is that worrying anyone else

 **gee:** worst case scenerino: theyre being yelled at by the prinicpal

 **frnk:** gerard what is a scenerino 

 **gee:** fuk u fronk i couldnt figure out how to spell scenario so i just followed my fingers 

 **fro:** gerard if u follow ur fingers u will end up in franks ass

 **gee:** RAY  
NO  
OMFG WHY RAY WHY

 **coolio:** whos being told no now ray 

 **bja:** CURRENTLY SITTING IN A COP CAR

 **frnk:** WHAT DID U GUYS DO

 **bedron:** WE GOT CAUGHT SOMEHOW IDK HOW THO WE WERE RLLY SNEAKY SNEAK

 **dirnto:** NO BRENDON U WERE NOT SNEAKY SNEAK  
U AND BILLIE KICKED THE PRINCIPALS DOOR IN WHILE SINGING "DONT BE SUSPCIOUS" FROM PARKS AND REC  
IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT SNEAKY SNEAK BRENDON 

 **bja:** GUYS HELP WE'RE BEING CHARGED WITH BREAKING AND ENTERING AND CRIMINAL DAMAGE and also theft how 

 **gee:** lol bye u guys are #FUCKED 

 **dirnto:** GR8 IM GOING TO JAIL BC BILLIE AND BRENDON ARE FUCKASSES 

 **bedron:** MIKE IM SORRY   
I DONT WANNA GO TO JAIL  
shit we're actually going to jail

 **frnk:** o shit this is getting heated 

 **fro:** im so glad i decided to stay in my class :)

 **bja:** NONONONO THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE

 **frnk:** whAT 

 **bja:** WE HAVE TO GO TO COURT WHAT

 **dirnto:** WE ARE ALSO "SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE" 

 **gee:** I FUCKING TOLD U NOT TO GET SUSPENDED

 **bja:** but u dont care that we're going to jail okay gerard ty

 **fro:** well theres no other option  
we al have to get suspended now too

 **frnk:** ray no we dont

 **coolio:** i agree with ray

 **mky:** i also agree

 **gee:** mikey ur back congratulations 

 **frnk:** guys   
no  
ive already been suspended once 

 **coolio:** im gonna throw a desk out of the window

 **fro:** TRE NOT YET JFC CALM URSELF  
TOMORROW  
WE NEED AT LEAST ONE DAY OF PLANNING

 **gee:** ray remind me why tf are we doing this

 **mky:** i agreed without even knowing why   
gerard why are u being difficult 

 **fro:** so we can all take like a week to chill together   
unless billie mike and brendon are in jail of course 

 **dirnto:** HOW TF ARE WE GETTING CHARGED WITH THEFT WE GAVE MIKEY HIS PHONE BACK

 **mky:** ty mike btw 

 **dirnto:** oh ur welcome 

 **bja:** i donT WANNA GO TO JAIL FUCK

 **bedron:** NEITHER DO I BJ NEITHER DO I 

 **gee:** well u fuckasses shOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE U BROKE INTO A LOCKED OFFICE AND STOLE A PHONE

 **dirnto:** WE DIDNT STEAL IT  
WE RECOVERED IT

 

 **\- bja** renamed the group **dont be suspicious**

 

 **bedron:** nice bj nice

 **dirnto:** billie we're going to jail can u not 

 **bja:** i can


	9. synchronised desk throwing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I been busy with school and whatnot. I'm not happy with this but eh. It'll do I guess.

**\- fro** renamed the group **operation get suspended**

 

 **fro:** its go time bois

 **gee:** ray this is literally the worst idea ive ever heard  
even worse than mikeys jumping off the roof with pillowcases as parachutes idea

 **mky:** gerard that was 10 years ago

 **gee:** mikey it was last week 

 **bja:** wait so u guys are literally gonna get purposely suspended

 **fro:** yas

 **gee:** im not

 **frnk:** we are 

 **bja:** guys srsly theres no point we wont be able to hang out much anyway  
well i wont

 **frnk:** ooh why

 **bja:** oh idk frank maybe it has something to do with me being unDER HORSE ARREST

 **coolio:** 'horse arrest'

 **fro:** when ur horse decides to have u arrested lms if u agree

 **bja:** hahaha   
no but serously im under house arrest

 **gee:** what why

 **dirnto:** gerard idk if u remember or not but yesterday he kicked a door in and stole a phone  
(i still dont get how its classed as stealing btw)

 **mky:** gUYS  
ARE WE DOING THIS OR NOT  
BC I AM ACTUALLY DONE WITH MATH RN

 **gee:** mikey nO

 

 **\- gee** renamed the group **operation stay in school**

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **operation shut the fuck up gerard**

 

 **\- gee** renamed the group **operation suck my dick tre**

 

 **\- frnk** renamed the group **operation nobodys sucking gerards dick except me**

 

 **\- fro** renamed the group **caN WE FOCUS PLS**

 

 **fro:** cmon gerard 

 **dirnto:** yea gerard 

 **gee:** no fuk off

 **bedron:** hi u guys  
prison life sucks btw

 **dirnto:** brendon dont exaggerate we were in the police station for like an hour :/

 **bedron:** u and billie were there for like an hour  
i was there for fucking centuries

 **frnk:** wait so whats going on with u guys  
like whats the deal with ur punishments 

 **dirnto:** im pretty much getting let off bc i didnt actually do anything   
like i didnt kick a door in   
billie and brendon on the other hand...

 **bedron:** we're basically getting fined for criminal damage and we're allowed back at school next week  
and we're both under house arrest for fuck knows how long  
alSO IM BEING CHARGED WITH THEFT ALTHOUGH IDK HOW   
AND I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ACTUALLY ARRESTED LIKE MUGSHOT AND FINGERPRINTS 

 **dirnto:** bc u were the one with the phone in ur pocket u egg  
and u did the most damage to tthe door

 **gee:** egg

 **coolio:** egg, noun: an oval or round object laid by a female bird, reptile, fish, or invertebrate, usually containing a developing embryo. The eggs of birds are enclosed in a chalky shell, while those of reptiles are in a leathery membrane.

 **bja:** this actually sucks i miss school

 **frnk:** o shIT THIS MUST BE BAD IF BILLIE MISSES SCHOOL

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **prison club**

 

 **\- mky** renamed the group **brendon is the new black**

 

 **fro:** CAN   
WE  
FOCUS  
PLS

 **frnk:** o right yea we're supposed to be getting suspended

 **gee:** guys count me in i just got yelled at for wearing eyeliner im done with this place

 **mky:** yassss

 **coolio:** we should work out what we're doing

 **bja:** guys this isnt rlly a good idea tbh

 **bedron:** billie we're in no position to be telling people how bad their ideas are  
we literally kicked a door down while singing "dont be suspicious" as loud as we could

 **bja:** tru tru

 **coolio:** whatevs bj  
im throwing a desk out of the window wbu

 **fro:** idk yet

 **frnk:** im just gonna yell at mr turner again  
i dont liek him

 **mky:** hm...  
i could either set fire to the science lab  
or set fire to the principals car

 **fro:** mikey we're getting suspended not getting arrested for arson

 **bedron:** shh ray me and mikey will start a prison club

 **gee:** ooh we should all throw our desks out of the window at exavtly the same time  
itll be like synchronised swimming

 **bja:** in what world is throwing desks out of windows the same as synchronised swimming

 **frnk:** synchronised desk throwing   
WAIT  
that actually a good idea lets do it

 **mky:** ooh yes

 **fro:** YES DESK THROWING IT IS

 **gee:** OKAY IN EXACTLY FIVE MINUTES WE WILL ALL THROW OUR DESKS OUT OF THE WINDOWS

 **bja:** record it so i can watch

 **bedron:** i alwys miss the good stuff :-(

 **fro:** FOUR MINUTES

 **dirnto:** fuck this im going over there to watch

 **bja:** mikE NO UR NOT ALLOWED ON SCHOOL PROPERTY 

 **frnk:** THREE MINUTES

 **bedron:** wow this is getting exciting

 **coolio:** TWO MINUTES

 **mky:** fuk u tre i wanted to say two minutes

 **coolio:** mikey u can say 1 minute

 **mky:** ooh okie  
ONE MINUTE

 **fro:** gO

 **bja:** i fucking heard the bangs from my house wtf

 **dirnto:** that was beautiful :')

 **bedron:** why arent they talking tho  
bet theyve all been arrested smh

 **gee:** bitCH U THOUGHT

 **fro:** OPERATION GET SUSPENDED WAS A SUCCESS U GUYS 

 **bja:** fuk da police imma just go out anyway

 **bedron:** same

 **bja:** fuck the police coming straight from the underground

 **dirnto:** straight from the closet more like

 **bja:** i feEL ATTACKED 


	10. the adventures of excessively large leg man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyones fav tree has arrived

**gee:** sleepover at my house tonight fuckers  
be there or be square

 **bedron:** what does that even mean

 **gee:** if ur not there u will be square bc ur not a-round

 **mky:** gerard i told u not to ever say that again 

 **dirnto:** haviGN A CRISIS

 **frnk:** I DROPPED MY PHONE DWN THE STAIRS AND IT SMASHED

 **dirnto:** thats gr8 frank but   
IM HAVING A CRISIS

 **fro:** o shit waddup mike

 **dirnto:** I GOT MY HAIR CUT  
THE INCOMPETENT FOOL MASQUERADING AS A HAIRDRESSER HAS PRETTY MUCH SCALPED ME

 **bja:** mike u look fine  
literally all she did was cut off like 2cm more than he asked for

 **dirnto:** but i look bald now

 **coolio:** question

 **frnk:** shoot

 **coolio:** no i meant for gerard

 **gee:** shoot

 **coolio:** will there be alcohol available at the sleepover

 **gee:** duh tre im not a fucking melon 

 **mky:**???

 

 **\- fro** renamed the group **gerards a fucking lemon**

 

 **\- fro** changed **gee's**  nickname to **a fucking lemon**

 

 **a fucking lemon:** ray i said melon not lemon can u not read 

 **fro:** no

 **bedron:** lemon club

 **frnk:** ooh

 

 **\- frnk** renamed the group **lemon club**

 

 **coolio:** what is lemon club and can i join

 **frnk:** u need at least 12 lemon to join

 **coolio:** o i only have 11

 **frnk:** its k i have spare lemon

 **a fucking lemon:** guys stop i dont want my sleepover to turn into a fucking lemon party

 

 **\- a fucking lemon**  changed their own nickname to **gee**

 

 **\- fro** renamed the group **lemon party**

 

 **fro:** price of admission is 12 lemon  
if ur short u can borrow or buy lemon  
no entry if u don not have 12 lemon

 **mky:** no ray i have 0 lemon 

 **fro:** mikey ur gonna be there anyway u live there

 **bedron:** can i invite a friend

 **gee:** brendon no this is squad only  
ur lucky to even be invited 

 **bedron:** pls gerard its one person

 **dirnto:** who is this mystery friend

 **bedron:** u guys know a guy called dallon???

 **fro:** no

 **mky:** no

 **coolio:** no

 **bja:** no

 **gee:** absOLUTELY FUckING NOT  
DALLON WEEKES IS _NOT_ COMING TO MY HOUSE  
no sir

 **bedron:** u know him????

 **gee:** YES HES IN LIKE ALL OF MY CLASSES 

 **bedron:** o good  
so he can come then

 **gee:** nO

 **bedron:** wHY I LIKE HIM

 **gee:** I DONT  
hes so,,, long  
its weird

 **bedron:** lets see what the man himself has to say

 

 **\- bedron** added **Dallon Weekes** to **lemon party**

 

 **gee:** breNDON NO

 **frnk:** WAIT  
the too tall dude is called dallon?

 **bedron:** yes

 **frnk:** oh shit ive been calling him darren this whole time lmao rip

 **bja:** THATS WHAT U WERE GOING ON ABOUT

 **dirnto:**???

 **bja:** he was bitching to me about some guy called darren being too tall and i was like what??? theres literally no one in this school called darren???

 **Dallon Weekes:** im not "too tall" what  
and h o w did u thnk i was called darren?

 **bedron:** theyre all dumb as fuck  
they misspelled brendon like 200 times and thats a normal name

 **Dallon Weekes:** dallon isnt a normal name?

 **bedron:** well ive never heard anyone other than u called dallon so no i gues not

 **Dallon Weekes:** yea but thats misspelling   
he literally thought i was called darren  
how

 **frnk:** shut up excessively large leg man

 **Dallon Weekes:** u shut up excessively small leg boi

 **coolio:** HE USES BOI INSTEAD OF BOY HES ONE OF US

 **mky:** NO HES NOT   
BE GONE EXCESSIVELY LARGE LEG MAN

 

 **\- mky** removed **Dallon Weekes** from  **lemon party**

 

 **fro:** coming this fall  
the adventures of excessively large leg man  
fighting crime with his enormous legs 

 **bedron:** ray why is everything a movie with u   
and dallons legs arent that big

 **fro:** remind me of betetr times brendon  
before the war  
also yes they are

 **bja:** i have to side with everyone else bren  
dallon does have excessively large legs

 **bedron:** did u just call me bren???

 **bja:**... no?

 **bedron:** its kewl bby i let my lovers call me bren  ;)

 **dirnto:** hahHA HA WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT HERE 

 

 **\- dirnto** removed **bedron** from **lemon party**

 

 **dirnto:** better

 **gee:** ooh we gotta jealous boi over here

 **bja:** mike chill brendon is not my lover

 **coolio:** brendons my mistress 

 **frnk:** tre what

 **fro:** trE NO

 **gee:** IS ANYONE EVEN COMING TONIGHT

 **bja:** oh i'll be coming alright ;)

 **dirnto:** ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **gee:** NO FUCKING IN MY HOUSE 

 **frnk:** :( 

 **gee:** ;)

 **fro:** IF U AND FRANK GET TO FUCK THEN SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE

 **frnk:** ray who are u gonna fuck

 **fro:** I AM SPEAKING FOR THE PEOPLE HERE FRANK  
AND BY PEOPLE I MEAN BILLIE AND MIKE  
AND BRENDON IF HE BRINGS DALLON

 **coolio:** theyre not together???

 **fro:** thats what thay want u to think tre

 **gee:** 'thay' 

 **fro:** abUSE 

 

 **\- coolio** added **bedron** to **lemon party**

 

 **\- coolio** added **Dallon Weekes** to **lemon party**

 

 **fro:** trE NO 

 

 **\- fro** removed **bja** from **lemon party**

 

 **fro:** shiT WRONG PERSON

 

 **\- fro** removed **bedron** from **lemon party**

 

 **\- dirnto removed fro** from **lemon party**

 

 **\- Dallon Weekes** added **bedron** to **lemon party**

 

 **\- dirnto** added **bja** to **lemon party**

 

 **\- mky** added **fro** to **lemon party**

 

 **mky:** can we just not pls

 **coolio:** dallon does anyoen ever call u dal or dally 

 **Dallon Weekes:** sometimes why

 **coolio:** liek dallas winston   
u know  
dally 

 **bedron:** THERE WILL BE NO TALK OF ANYTHING OUTSIDERS RELATED HERE THX TRE

 **Dallon Weekes:** BRENDON CRIED AT THE OUTSIDERS

 **bja:** #EXPOSED

 **bedron:** JOHNNY DESERVED BETTER   
AND SO DID DALLAS 

 **coolio:** dallon why arent u called dallas 

 **Dallon Weekes:** bc im not??

 

 **coolio**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **dallas**

 

 **dallas:** ty tre ty

 **coolio:** welcome dally

 **bedron:** tre do u fucking mind calling him dally

 **gee:** ooh we got another jealous boi here ;)

 **bedron:** gerard quiet 

 **fro:** gerard me and frank are outside ur house

 **coolio:** im literally just walking down the street u guys  
I HAVE MY LEMONS DONT WORRY

 **fro:** me and frank have our lemons too

 **bja:** ONE OF MY LEMONS ROLLED UNDER MY BED AND I CANT REACH IT   
MIKE HELP

 **dirnto:** billie i have like 20 extra lemons its fine

 **bja:** o good

 **bedron:** CAN DALLON COME PLS

 **gee:** NO   
NO LONG BOIS IN THE WAY HOUSEHOLD 

 **dallas:** :(

 **bedron:** i have lemons 

 **gee:** u only have 12 that buys admission for one person  
and that one person is going to be u  
not fucking dallon

 **dallas:** but why do we need lemons

 **coolio:** lemon party 

 **dallas:** i dont have lemons tho

 **gee:** well damn looks like no party for u excessively large leg man

 

 **\- gee** removed **dallas** from **lemon party**


	11. shut the fuck up ray and shove ur movie titles up ur ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is an actual mess

**mky:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **fro:** mikey shut the fuck up its 3am

 **bja:** ಠ_ಠ

 **gee:** (づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ

 **fro:** HOW ARE U GUYS DOING THIS  
also its 3am shut up

 **frnk:** ray rn -> (ง⸌╭╮⸍)ง

 **bedron:** there are lemons rolling around everywhere 

 **coolio:** hold on im gonna go get a basket or someshit 

 **fro:** tre sit down its 3am 

 **mky:** ray thats the third time youve told us the time in the past minute

 **fro:** i know mikey  
BC ITS 3AM

 **dirnto:** am awake bc tre just stood on me

 **coolio:** soz fam

 **mky:** tre never say fam again

 **coolio:** fam

 

 **\- mky** removed **coolio** from **lemon party**

 

 **\- frnk** renamed the group **乁(TᨎT)ㄏ**

 

 **\- bja** added **coolio** to  **乁(TᨎT)ㄏ**

 

 **\- bedron** renamed the group **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 

 **\- bedron** added **dallas** to  **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 

 **gee:** BRENDON U LITTLE SHIT  
THATS WHAT THAT MYSTERIOUS LUMP NEXT TO U IS

 **dallas:** surprise gerard 

 **gee:** DALLON DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN

 **coolio:** I WAS GETTING A BASKET WHAT HAPPENED

 **dirnto:** BRENDON LET DALLON IN THROUGH THE WINDOW AND HE WAS HIDING UNDER A BLANKET AND HE JUST JUMPED OUT AT GERARD AND SCARED HIM   
it was funny 

 **gee:** dallon u are now officially banned from my house

 **dallas:** no gerard im sorry 

 **bedron:** ur a mean one mr gerard 

 **bja:** tRE DO U HAVE TO STAND ON MY ASS

 **dirnto:** theRE WILL BE NONE OF THAT HERE TY TRE 

 **coolio:** mike dont even think about removing me

 

 **\- dirnto** removed **coolio** from  **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 

 **dirnto:** oops i slipped 

 **mky:** smh ppl these days

 

 **\- mky** added **coolio** to  **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 **\- frnk**  changed **dallas's**  nicknameto **leggos**

 

 **bedron:** tre ow no 

 **coolio:** in my defence its dark and ur all spread out everywhere 

 **bja:** TRE U FUCKNUT

 **coolio:** WHAT DID I DO NOW TF

 **leggos:** i agree with billie 

 **gee:** tre u tipped the basket up and dropped lemons all over us 

 **fro:** i take responsibilty froe the lemons guys soz :/

 **frnk:** I FUCKING SLIPPED ON A LEMON ARE U SERIOUS 

 **mky:** gerard our parents are yelling at us to be quiet

 **bja:** its okay i will handle this

 **dirnto:** omF BILLIE NO

 **gee:** BILLIE I CANT BELIEVE U JUST YELLED THAT

 **bedron:** yelled what i wasnt listening 

 **mky:** yea bc u were too busy sticking ur tongue down dallons throat 

 

 **\- bedron** removed **mky** from  **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 

 **gee:** my dad yelled "can u guys be quiet pls" and billie yelled "YEA GERARD AND FRANK STOP HAVING LOUD SEX" 

 **leggos:** this group is an actual mess 

 

 **\- gee** added **mky** to **gerard said dallon couldnt come so i let him in the window**

 

 **\- leggos** renamed the group **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **frnk:** dallon ur face is an actual fucking disaster 

 **bedron:** BLOCKED AND REPORTED 

 

 **\- bedron** removed **frnk** from **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **\- mky** added **frnk** to **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **dirnto:** brendon whats going on with u and dallon 

 **leggos:** i call for a change of subject 

 **bja:** dallon like 90% of us here are gay u dont have to worry

 **bedron:** me and dallon  
are  
in a relationship of sorts i guess???

 **fro:** IFUCKINGKNEWIT

 **coolio:** BRALLON   
WE CAN CALL THEM BRALLON LIKE WE CALL GERARD AND FRANK FRERARD 

 **bja:** what about me and mike  
do we have a name

 **coolio:** idk bike maybe?   
sorry guys ur names just dont work out v well :/

 **fro:** coming this fall from the creators of 50 names of brendon urie and the adventures of excessively large leg man  
the tales of brallon frerard and bike 

 **mky:** coming this fall  
shut the fuck up ray and shove ur movie titles up ur ass

 **leggos:** ok well im gonna go to sleep...

 **gee:** not in my house ur not 

 **mky:** gerard did u literally just leap over me to attack dallon

 **gee:**...  
yes  
im not ashamed of it 


	12. durr hburr im a furemen

**bja:** this week on group chat   
we are allowed back at school  
gerard has accepted dallon as a full time member of the #squad   
we have a new teacher called mrs anus  
tre and frank broke a window in the library  
and mike literally threw up at the sight of a vagina 

 **gee:** i have not accepted dallon as a full time member of the #squad

 **bja:** gerard has accepted dallon as a full time member of the #squad 

 **gee:** i have not

 

 **\- leggos** left **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **mky:** ooh drama

 **bedron:** mikey no  
dallon says to tell u guys hes only leaving until this class is over so he doesnt get distracted bc hes rlly behind 

 **fro:** wait wait wait  
tre and frank broke a window on our first day back???

 **frnk:** jfc ray it was an accident 

 **coolio:** no one knows it was us so its all cool

 **mky:** whos mrs anus

 **bedron:** a new teacher thats actually called mrs amus but apparently everyone in this group is immature   
shes actually v nice

 **bja:** us being immature is correct  
her being nice is incorrect

 **dirnto:** i did not throw up at the sight of a vagina billie dont spread rumors 

 **fro:** so much news wow i cant keep up

 **bja:** mike i showed u a vagina and u puked on the floor

 **dirnto:** i just happened to puke as u wer showing me the vagina 

 **coolio:** why was he showing u a vagina anyway

 **dirnto:** bc hes a dick 

 **bja:** yea but mike u love dicks   
especially mine

 **dirnto:** especially not urs 

 

 **\- bja** removed **dirnto** from **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **mky:** aw look theyre having a domestic 

 **bja:** aw look shut the fuck up 

 **mky:** whOA HOSTILITY 

 

 **\- coolio** added **dirnto** to **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **bedron:** i take back what i said about mrs anus   
she can suck a dick 

 **gee:** why 

 **bedron:** do you know what she called me and dallon 

 **frnk:** oh my god  
oh no  
she called you the f word didnt she   
and by f word i dont mean fuck

 **dirnto:** i knew it  
old people are fucking homophobic 

 **bedron:** what no jfc calm down  
she didnt call us anything bad

 **mky:** then what did she call u thats lead u to hate her

 **bedron:** basically  
me and dallon (mainly me) were being a lil loud  
and she called on us to be quiet

 **fro:** thats no reson for u to hate her brendon chill

 **bedron:** i wasnt finished  
she called "brandon and dillon can u be quiet pls"   
BRANDON AND DILLON  
whAsjhj 

 **frnk:** THAT REMINDS ME   
SHE CALLED GERARD AS GERALD THIS MORNING 

 **gee:** she fucking WHAT

 **mky:** whats next is she gonna call me mickey or something

 **bedron:** ooh class is over u know what that means  
time to add bae back

 

 **\- bedron** added **leggos** to **an actual fucking disaster**

 

 **fro:** GUYS IM STUCK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS

 **coolio:** how exactly 

 **fro:** some kid fell and broke his leg and the doctor version of firemen wont let anyone go pass

 **frnk:** doctor version of firemen???????????

 **gee:** why are there firemen

 **leggos:** are they hot

 **bedron:** uhM EXCUSE ME   
AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH

 **leggos:** DEPENDS

 **bedron:** ON WHAT

 **leggos:** HOW WELL CAN U PULL OF A FIREMAN OUTFIT 

 **bedron:** VERY WELL

 **leggos:** THEN YES UR GOOD ENOUGH

 **dirnto:** wheres the fire 

 **bja:** theres a fire??

 **fro:** there isnt a fire guys

 **mky:** then why are there fireman

 **coolio:** fireman  
just one fireman

 **leggos:** hello yes id like to order one large fireman 

 **bedron:** i can be ur large fireman ;)

 **gee:** i dont see any foremen what

 **frnk:** 'foremen' 

 **dirnto:** foreskin 

 **bja:** rumple foreskin 

 **bedron:** coming tjis fall from the creators of a lot of fucking movies  
rumple foreskin and the firemen 

 **fro:** thats my line 

 **leggos:** o how the tables have tabled 

 **mky:** whERE AER THE FUREMEN 

 **frnk:** 'furemen' 

 **bja:** durr hburr im a furemen   
gerna pert ert dis furre

 **dirnto:** werth ma berg herse 

 **coolio:** big hose ;))))

 **bedron:** MIKEYS A FURRY 

 **leggos:** expOSE HIM  
EXPOSE HIM

 **coolio:** E X P O S E H I M

 **gee:** IM CRYGING WHATS HAPPENIBG 

 **leggos:** MIKEYS A FURRY THERE ARE FUREMEN IN THE SCHOOL   
THERES A MOVIE ABOUT RUMPLE FORESKIN AND THE FIREMAN 

 **frnk:** 'durr hburr im a furemen'   
my senior quote 

 **dirnto:** put tHAT SHIT ON MY GRAVE SON  
here lies the body of mike dirnt  
'durr hburr im a fuermen' 

 **coolio:** FURRMEN  
FURRY MEN  
ALL FIREMEN ARE FURRYS 

 **fro:** OMF NO THERS NO FIRE OF FIREMEN OR FUREMEN SHUT UP

 **bedron:** wow ray good job u got us all excited 

 **mky:** ray u said there were firemen

 **fro:** nO I DIDNT  
I SAID THE DOCTOR VERSION OF FIREMEN

 **leggos:** the what

 **fro:** u know  
the paratrooper dudes in the ambience

 **bja:** ray... do u mean paramedics in the ambulance 

 **bedron:** 'paratrooper dudes in the ambience'  
ray are u okay

 **dirnto:** starship troopers 

 **frnk:** star trekking across the universe 

 **coolio:** star trekking up ur ass 

 **leggos:** this entire group has gone to hell

 **gee:** which coincidentally is where u belong

 **bja:** saVAGE

 **bedron:** gerard be nice to dallon  
im nice to frank

 **leggos:** gerard what is ur problem with me  
and dont fucking tell me its bc im too tall

 **gee:** fine  
i always assumed u were a dick idk why (ur not tho.. kind of)  
but ur legs ARE abnormally long and ur annoyingly good looking

 **bedron:** fuck away from my man bitch

 **frnk:** brendon hes already got a man ty

 **bja:** I HAVE A MAN TOO

 **dirnto:** SAME

 **leggos:** but i do belong in hell  
we probably all do

 **coolio:** hey maybe we were all friends in hell and satan sent us here to do fuck knows and thats why we're in this group

 **bedron:** fate brought us togetehr

 **bja:** no frank brought us together becase he was bored 

 **frnk:** BRB GOTTA GO TO THE NURSE

 **gee:** what why are u okay 

 **mky:** gerard u typed that uncomfortably fast

 **coolio:** ha this has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever 

 **frnk:** no tre not at all  
APSRT FROM WHEN U JABBED A PENCIL INTO MY HAND

 **coolio:** i did not jab u  
i forcefully poked u

 **gee:** tre wtf

 **fro:** tre why

 **bja:** trE NO

 **leggos:** why the hell would u stab someone with a pencil

 **coolio:** FOR SCIENCE 

 **fro:** ah   
the same reason billie had milk in his bag

 **bja:** those were hard times ray we dont spoeak of those times

 **mky:** 'spoeak'

 **dirnto:** 'hard times'  
billie it was like 2 week ago :/

 **bja:** haRD TIMES MICHAEL HARD TIMES 


	13. cotton eyed back scratches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween guys. Sorry I haven't updated in like a week :(

**\- frnk** removed **gee** from **an actual fucking disaster**

 **mky:** dRaMa :O

 **frnk:** mikey  
no  
i need to talk to u guys 

 **leggos:** and u couldnt keep gerard here becuase...???

 **bedron:** dallon ive told u  
its spelt because   
the a goes before the u 

 **leggos:** its a hard word dont judge me

 **frnk:** guys pls

 **bja:** TRE TELL MIKE IM NOT COMPETTATIVE 

 **coolio:** hey mike  
billies not competitive 

 **dirnto:** 'compettative;   
anD YES U ARE BJ 

 **frnk:** billie mike pls 

 **fro:** frank why are u removing gerard fron the group 

 **frnk:** IM GETTING TO THAT JFC RAY GIVE ME A SECOND

 **bja:** IM NOT COMPETITIVE 

 **dirnto:** BILLIE U UNFRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK BC I BEAT UR SCORE ON SUBWAY SURFERS 

 **bja:** I WAS TOP BEFORE U CAME ALONG

 **dirnto:** WELL IM BETTER THAN U 

 **bja:** oh excuse me mike   
i didnt know u were the subway surfers king   
all hail the king of subway surfers 

 

 **\- leggos**  changed **dirnto's**  nickname to **subway surfers king**

 

 **subway surfers king:** see billllie  
dallon knows whos boss

 **leggos:** ;)

 **bedron:** hahHA NO

 **leggos:** chillax 

 **bja:** mike my name only has 2 ls in it????

 **mky:** billie was a top before mike came along ;)  
confirmed: billie joe armstrong is a bottom 

 **bja:** mikEY I STG

 **subway surfers king:** o H

 **frnk:** IS ANYONE WONDERING WHY I REMOVED GERARD FROM THE GROUP

 **coolio:** no not really 

 **frnk:** ty tre

 **coolio:** welc

 **bedron:** WHY DID U REMOVE GERARD FRON TEH CHAT FRENSK  
*frank  
dallon pushed me while i was typing soz

 

 **\- coolio**  changed **frnk's**  nickname to **FRENSK**

 

 **leggos:** dont lie brendon ur just getting revenge for all the times he misspelled ur name

 **FRENSK:** WILL U GUSY SHIT THE FUCK U AAND LISFREBBDBHGCYFI

 **mky:** i dont know what that means but no

 **fro:** cmon guys lets listen to FRENSK

 **FRENSK:** ty ray ty  
i removed gerard from the grou[ because  
i think hes cheating on me

 **mky:** no frank hes not like that

 **bja:** are u sure???

 **subway surfers king:** u need to be sure about this sort of stuff before u start accusing ppl of it frank  
as u foubd out with me and bj

 **FRENSK:** well he has scratches all over his back abd i sure as hell didnt put them there

 **leggos:** how does that mean hes cheating  
oH  
nevrmind..

 **bedron:** actuallly he does seem kinda diffeent today

 **coolio:** 'diffeent' 

 **FRENSK:** tre now is not the tiem

 **mky:** one way to sirt this out

 **FRENSK:** omg mikey nO

 **mky:** lets meet the man

 **fro:** mikey stop quoting negan

 **mky:** negan didnt say that u uncultured carrot 

 **subway surfers king:** 'carrot'

 **coolio:** carrot, noun: a tapering orange-coloured root eaten as a vegetable.

 **fro:** idgaf who said it mikey jysrt stop

 **mky:** u want me to quote negan i'll quote negan  
LOOK AT THAT! TAKING IT LIKE A CHAMP!

 **bja:** thats what i say to mike when he sucks my dick

 **subway surfers king:** biLLIE WHAT THE FCK NO

 **FRENSK:** WILL U FUCKBUTTS LISTEN 

 **bedron:** fuckbutts

 **leggos:** we are all fuckbutts

 

 **\- subway surfers king** renamed the group **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **bja:** this episode of group chat  
featuring the subway surfers king, negan and the order of the fuckbutts  

 

 **\- mky** added **gee** to  **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **gee:** ty mikey  
FRANK WHY   
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO U

 **FRENSK:** goTTA GO FAST

 

 **\- FRENSK** left  **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **gee:**???

 **fro:** he thinks ur cheating on him bc of scratches on ur back or someshit 

 **gee:** oH   
WHAT  
WELL IM NOT

 

 **\- leggos** added **FRENSK** to  **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **bedron:** gerars not cheating on u

 **FRENSK:**..oh  
well thsi is good nes

 **fro:** nes

 **leggos:** what is nes

 **coolio:** The Nintendo Entertainment System (commonly abbreviated as NES) is an 8-bit home video game console that was developed and manufactured by Nintendo.

 **subway surfers king:** ter pls

 **coolio:** TER

 

 **\- bja**  changed **coolio's**  nickname to **ter**

 

 **gee:** after reading back through whatever the fuck has been goig on without me  
i can conform that the scratches are not from me cheating on frank

 **FRENSK:** then where did they come from

 **mky:** where did they come from  
where did they go  
where did they come from   
cotton eyed back scratches 

 **gee:** well u remember the raccoon that u told me not to pick up

 **FRENSK:** yes 

 **gee:** well i picked it up  
and it wasnt happy about it

 **FRENSK:** GERARD WHAT THE FUCK  
IVE BEEN HERE PANICKKING AND WONDERING WHY IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH BC I THOIGH U WERE CHEATING  
AND U TELL ME U WERE ATTACKED BY THE RACCOON  
THAT I SPECIFICALLY TOLD U TO LEAVE ALONE 

 **gee:** i liKE RACCOONS   
they just dont like me :(

 **mky:** COTTON EYED RACCOON SCRATCHES 

 **subway surfers king:** this has been a stressful chat u guys  
im gonna go geT A HIGHER SCORE ON SUBWAY SURFERS

 **bja:** MIKE UR SCORE IS ALREADY OVER 3 MILLION  
WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END

 **subway surfers king:** n e v e r :)


	14. W E   A L L   L I V E   I N   D A L L O N   :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The autocorrect stufff is inspired by a true story that happened to me

**ter:** gastroenteritis  
what the duck  
nO wtf  
i canopy  
W H A T  I S  H A P P E N I N G

 **bja:** tre u illiterate fuck 

 **ter:** pls  
i dont medieval   
medieval   
MEDIEVAL 

 **fro:** medieval 

 **mky:** medieval 

 **ter:** i discontinue hierarchy 

 **subway surfers:** i got sent out of class for this tre i hope ur happy 

 **ter:** pterodactyl   
W H A T   
O K A Y  S O  I  C A N  O N L Y  S P E L L  C O R R E C T L Y  W H E N  I  T Y P E  L I K E  T H I S

 **gee:** tre is ur autocorrect okay

 **ter:** n o 

 **leggos:** brendons [issed at u guys bc his phone got taken away

 **bja:** '[issed'  
same dallon same

 **mky:** tres throwing a bitch fit its rlly funny 

 **ter:** Michelin shut up  
omg   
M I K E Y

 

 **\- fro**  changed **mky's**  nickname to **michelin man**

 

 **michelin man:** ray do u fucing mind

 **fro:** 'fucing'

 **ter:** sanitation 

 **bja:** mike imma come find u 

 **subway surfers king:** billie no ur already behind in english just stay there

 **bja:** lol no

 **bedron:** i stole my phoen back u guys

 **subway surfers king:** brendon u should know by now that stealing phones ends badly 

 **bedron:** i didnt choose the prison life  
the prison life chose me  
also whats going on with tre

 **ter:** financial assassinate   
picturesque

 **FRENSK:** okay i think i may know what going on  
u guys remember the other day when dallon pushed him out of a baby swing

 **leggos:** i didnt push him out of a baby swing but okay

 **FRENSK:** u did push him out of a baby swing

 **leggos:** i didnt push him out of a baby swing

 **FRENSK:** tre what do u have to say on thsi matter  
did dallon push u out of a baby swing?

 **ter:** melancholy waffle iron

 **FRENSK:** okay ty for ur answer  
that 100% made sense

 **fro:** thats gotta be the funniest thing i ever read  
after durr hburr im a furemen   
'did dallon push u out of a baby swing?' 'melancholy waffle iron'

 **subway surfers king:** GUYS SRSLY GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

 **gee:** ooh okay i love this game  
u and bj were frick fracking in the bathroom  
and mr dawkins walked in  
now u both been expelled  
and our squad has shrunk 

 **michelin man:** wait what   
billie and mike were expelled for fucking in the bathroom

 **subway surfers king:** um no?

 **FRENSK:** mikey just yelled across the room to me that bj and mike have been expelled???

 **gee:** its a sad time for us all frank  
do try to control Ursula 

 **bedron:** wait whos ursula 

 **leggos:** gerard cheating on frank with ursula 

 **gee:** haha dallon ur fucking funny  
i meant urself

 **bja:** i dont understand whats going on  
whos been expelled

 **subway surfers king:** me and u apparently

 **bja:** oh  
what did we do

 **fro:** billie do u have memory loss

 **leggos:** yes  
he hit his head when i pushed him out of the baby swing

 **bedron:** i thoght u pushed tre

 **ter:** h e  d i d  
a n d  m a d e  m e  d r o p  m y  p h o n e  

 **michelin man:** oh so thats why u cant spell rn

 **ter:** y e s

 **bedron:** im writing a speech to read to the principle   
bj and mike shoudl not be expelled

 **subway surfers king:** yea sure go ahead

 **gee:** ooh i wanna be there when u read it to him

 **fro:** let me help  
reason 1: sex is a normal thing   
i beT HES EXPELLING THEM BC HES HOMOPHOBIA

 **michelin man:** yes the principal is homophobia itself 

 **FRENSK:** i always had a feeling

 **bja:** why did tre send me a message saying "Denver"

 **fro:** maybe thats where he is  
i havent seen him al day today

 **FRENSK:** um no hes next to me??

 **subway surfers king:** i dont know whats happening

 **michelin man:** i shall sunrise for u  
*summarise 

 **bedron:** gerard is cheating on frank with ursula   
the principle is homophobia itself  
tre cant spell and is also in denver  
mikey is the sunrise 

 **gee:** 'mikey is the sunrise'  
that sounds incredibly poetic and also gay

 **leggos:** brenDON NO IM UR SUBMARINE   
SUNRISE  
DAMN I MUST HAVE CAUGHT THE ILLITERATE OFF OF TRE

 **FRENSK:** we all live in a dallon submarine

 **michelin man:** we all live in a yellow dallon

 **bja:** we all live in dallon 

 **ter:** W E   A L L   L I V E   I N   D A L L O N   :)

 **bedron:** guys im going to read my speech to the principle

 **michelin man:** what does it say

 **bedron:** "billie and mike shouldnt be expelled bc sex is a normal human thing and so what if they were doing it on school grounds theyre like 15 its all to do with puberty and the hormones and shit and i get that ur homophobia itself but u cant just go around expelling everyone who fucks someone in the toilets"

 **leggos:** wow a true work of art

 **bedron:** just like u <3

 **leggos:** brendon thats gay

 **FRENSK:** lets all go with beredn

 **bedron:** i thought we were past misspelling my name frank

 **subway surfers king:** NO BRENDON DONT U FUCKING DARE READ THAT

 **bja:** mike dont be fucking rude hes trying to help us

 **subway surfers:** BILLIE WE'RE NOT EVEN IN TROUBLE  
GERARD LOOK WHAT U DID  
I HOPE UR HAPPY

 **gee:** i am

 **michelin man:** gerard ur tearing this family apart 

 **FRENSK:** GUYS BRENDONS STARTED READING GETHERE NOW

 **leggos:** o shit mike running down the hall towards us and he looks angery 

 **subway surfers king:** i am angery   
A N G E R Y

 **ter:** m i k e   d o n t    f u c k i n g   s t e a l   m y   w a y   o f   t y p i n g   :(

 **leggos:** o SHIT MIKE JUST FUCKING THREW BRENDON AT THE PRINCIPLE 

 **bja:** mike why 

 **subway surfers king:** BILLIE DO U NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED

 **bja:** no?

 **subway surfers king:** I SAID GUESS WHAT BC I WAS GONNA TELL EVERYONE ABOUT U HEADBUTTING MY ASS  
AND GERARD ASSUMED WE GOT CAUGHT FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM AND GOT EXPELLED  
SO EVERYONE KEPT THINKIG WE GOT EXPELLED  
AND BRENDON JUST TOLE THE PRINCIPLE NOT TO EXPEL US FOR FUCKING IN THE TOILETS EVEN THO WE DIDNT  
SO I THREW HIM AT THE PRINCIPLE  
AND DALLONS YELLING AT EVERYONE  
AND I THINK WE'RE ALL BEING SUSPENDED AGAIN

 **bja:** wow thats wild

 **bedron:** yea we definitely being suspended :)))

 **fro:** wait what even me  
i wasnt there???

 **michelin man:** yes ray even u 

 **bja:** what have we learned from today

 **subway surfers king:** never say 'guess what' with gerard around

 **leggos:** dont throw people at the principle

 **ter:** d o n t   d r o p   u r   p h o n e

 **fro:** it doenst matter where u are if ur friends act like dicks u will also be suspended

 **bedron:** dont tell the principle not to expel someone for having sexual inrercourse in the bathroom

 **FRENSK:** dont have sex in the bathroom

 **subway surfers king:** WE DIDNT

 **bja:** I WISH WE DID

 **subway surfers king:** SAME

 **bja:** LETS GO DO IT NOW 

 **subway surfers king:** OKAY

 **gee:** ur welcome ;)


	15. a fine piece of forehead to go with the bbq sauce on ur ass ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: someone actually sent the first line of this chapter to me by mistake and I replied with "yea sure okay"

**leggos:** i want u to rub bbq sauce all over my ass ;)

 **michelin man:** um no

 **leggos:** oh mY GODSGDCFX  
NOOOOOO  
I MAENT TO SEND THAT TO BRENDON  
NO  
OH MY FUCKICNBG GOD  
MIKEY I AM SO SORRY

 **gee:** dallon i have some concerns  
its 2 in the morning  
this group is called harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts and im assuming brendons name in ur phone is brendon so how could u get those 2 confused   
bbQ SAUCE REALLY DALLON

 **leggos:** actually brendons name in my phone is 'fine piece of forehead'  
it used to be 'fine piece of ass' but his foreheads bigger than his ass

 **ter:** i dont even want to know whats going on here  
but i got a new phone so i can spell correctly now

 **leggos:** im just gonna go ahead and erase myself from existence 

 

 **\- leggos** left **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **fro:** BBQ SAUCE BOI  
COME BACK

 

 **\- fro** added **leggos** to **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **\- fro**  changed **leggos's**  nickname to **bbq sauce boi**

 

 **bbq sauce boi:** u guys are humiliating me :(

 **FRENSK:** actually dallon i think u did that urself

 **bedron:** o god  
dallon why

 

 **\- bbq sauce boi** left **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **\- michelin man**  changed **bedron's**  nickname to **fine piece of forehead**

 

 **bja:** well  
now we know what dallon thinks of at 2am

 **subway surfers king:** u wanna know what i think of at 2am  
slEEEP  
SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **bja:** hes just grumpy bc im not there with him

 **subway surfers king:** u are here???  
wait  
where tf did u go

 **bja:** 2am walk

 **ter:** im there too

 **FRENSK:** didnt u get mugged on ur last 2am walk

 **bja:** yes   
but  
that doesnt matter

 **ter:** its okay im here to protect him this time

 **subway surfers king:** tre ur like 12 :/

 **ter:** mike ur like 9 :/

 **subway surfers king:** that would mean billies dating a 9 year old

 **bja:** tre no ew

 **ter:** ist okay  
billies 9 too

 **fro:** ooh  
we should all go on a 2am walk

 **michelin man:** i agree  
im getting dressed  
bye gerard dont tell mom and dad im out at 2am

 **gee:** im coming too dick

 **FRENSK:** guys why are we like this

 **fine piece of forehead:** u guys go ahead im gonna stay home 

 **subway surfers king:** brendon this is exactly the sort of thing u would do  
why are u being uncooperative 

 **fine piece of forehead:** im not??? i just want to stay home???

 **michelin man:** its so he can rub bbq sauce on dallons ass ;)

 **fro:** ew gross  
mayonnaise is better

 **bja:** um theres a scary looking dude following me  
oh nvm it was my shadow

 **subway surfers king:** u mistook ur own shadow for a person following u

 **FRENSK:** where tf are u all  
im already up and out

 **fro:** i can see u fronk

 **gee:** i can see u ray   
turn around  
hi

 **michelin man:** im also here too btw   
hi

 **fine piece of forehead:** have fun getting murdered and dumped in a ditch :)

 

 **\- fine piece of forehead** added **bbq sauce boi** to **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **bbq sauce boi:** BRENDON

 **fine piece of forehead:** DALLON

 **michelin man:** a fine piece of forehead to go with the bbq sauce on ur ass ;)

 **bbq sauce boi:** mikEY

 

 **\- bbq sauce boi** removed **michelin man** from **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **gee:** dallon do u mind thats my brothel 

 **FRENSK:** 'brothel' 

 

 **\- fro** added **michelin man** to **harry potter and the order of the fuckbutts**

 

 **michelin man:** broTHEL GERARD WHAT THE HELL

 **gee:** lol soz :/

 

 **\- bbq sauce boi** renamed the group **mikesy brothel club**

 

 **subway surfers king:** 'mikesy' 

 **michelin man:** dallon no

 

 **\- michelin man** renamed the group **dallon no**

 

 **\- fine piece of forehead** renamed the group **BBQ SAUCE**

 

 **bbq sauce boi:** #triggered   
im blocking brebdon 

 **bja:** 'brebdon'  
at least when i did it i had an excuse 

 **bbq sauce boi:** I DO HAVE AN EXCUSE  
IM ILTILITRATE 

 **FRENSK:** was that supposed to say illiterate by any chance ?

 **bbq sauce boi:** no


	16. fish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the kudos and comments <3 It means a lot :)

**bja:** give a man a fish and he will say  
"wtf is this i ordered a big mac"  
teach a man how to fish and he will say  
"shut the fuck up i just want a big mac" 

 **michelin man:** uh what

 **bja:** i gotta job at mcdonalds   
and then i got fired 10 minutes later

 **subway surfers king:** tru story  
he called me crying

 **bja:** i wasnt crying  
i had fish in my eye

 **bbq sauce boi:** fuCK YES HA  
also did u literally do that to a man trying to buy a big mac

 **bja:** i did  
and im glad this is a celebration for u dallon :/

 **FRENSK:** where did u get a fish from tho???

 **bja:** my pocket??  
where else???

 **fine piece of forehead:** lemme get this straight 

 **bbq sauce boi:** ur not straight brendon

 **fine piece of forehead:** neither are u dlalon

 **michelin man:** 'dlalon'

 

 **\- ter**  changed **bbq sauce boi's**  nickname to **dlalon**

 

 **ter:** ur welcome dlalon

 **dlalon:** u cant say lemme get this straight when ur not straight   
its the rules

 **fine piece of forehead:** okay fine.. lemme get this gay  
billie walked into mcdonalds with a fish in his pocket and somehow got a job  
and then gave the fish to the man who wanted a big mac  
and got fired

 **bja:** u forgot the part where i taught the man how to fish

 **fro:** i always miss the good stuff 

 **gee:** my phone was dead whats going on now

 **bja:** i got fired from my job that i had for 10 minutes

 **gee:** fuck  
now i owe dallon $20 

 **bja:**???  
is that why he was cheering

 **dlalon:** it was

 **gee:** basically we had a bet going  
i thought ray would be the first one of the squad to get a job  
and dallon thought it would be someone else

 **dlalon:** i thought it would be me tbh

 **fine piece of forehead:** dallon how the hell would u get a job

 **dlalon:** i would be a stripper 

 

 **\- FRENSK** renamed the group **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **bja's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **gee's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **subway surfers king's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **dlalon's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **michelin man's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **ter's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **fine piece of forehead's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed **fro's**  nickname to **fish**

 

 **\- FRENSK**  changed their own nickname to **fish**

 

 **fish:** frank what the hell

 **fish:** i cant tell who just said that

 **fish:** well i cant tell who just said that

 **fish:** this is stupid and also confusing

 **fish:** well i dont see anyone bothering to change the names back???

 **fish:** fish fish fish

 **fish:** lets see how long we can handle this bullshit   
also ty frank 

 **fish:** ur welcome

 **fish:** brendon which fish are u

 **fish:** i am this fish

 **fish:** imPOSTER I AM THE BRENDON FISH

 **fish:** EVYRTHNG HAS GONE O HELL

 **fish:** 'evyrthng' 

 **fish:** i aM ILITIERLTARE 

 **fish:** thats dallon^^

 **fish:** guus guys guys guys  
we should play guess who  
like guess which fish is which

 **fish:** o yea  
like we say something thats a typical thing we would say  
and the other fishes gotta guess 

 **fish:** lemme start

 **fish:** no fuk u im starting

 **fish:** i have a better idea  
why dont we pretend to be other fish

 **fish:**??

 **fish:** for example i pretend to be gerard   
"i love coffee and eyeliner"

 **fish:** thats irritatingly accurate :/

 **fish:** yea this sounds mroe fun acruallly

 **fish:** we're teenagers we are not children we shouldnt be doing this 

 **fish:** ^^ thats mikey 

 **fish:** I WASNT PLAYING

 **fish:** okay GO i start  
"bbq sauce"

 **fish:** ur dallon!!!!!

 **fish:** brenDON I FUCKING KNOW THAT WAS U

 **fish:** HOW DID U KNOW THAT WAS ME WTF DALLON

 **fish:** WELL HOW DID U KNOW THAT WAS ME WTF BRENDON

 **fish:** "close the goddamn doors"

 **fish:** thats brendon for sure

 **fish:** okay which one of u fucker is impersonating me?/

 **fish:** wow bren u spelt imepsnatoanting right

 **fish:** wow dall u spelt impersonating wrong when its wriTTEN RIGHT THERE

 **fish:** ITILERATE

 **fish:** 'itilerate'

 **fish:** "itilerate, noun: a word that dallon uses insead of illiterate bc hes actually illiterate" 

 **fish:** TRE TRE TRE

 **fish:** guys the word fish has lost all meaning to me  
ive read it so many times it doenst eveb make sense rn  
what is fish

 **fish:** I AM FISH

 **fish:** WE ARE ALL FISH

 **fish:** UNITED STATES OF FISH

 **fish:** thaTS IT IVE HAD IT WITH FISH

 **fish:** IVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING FISH IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUP CHAT

 **fish:** no u dont understand ive literALLY HAD IT WITH THIS   
KISS GOODBYE TO UR PRESHOUS GROUP CHAT

 **fish:** 'preshous' what

 **fish:** UR ALL LEAVING BYE

 **fish:** WHAT NO WHY DONT DO THIS

 **fish:** we're not too far gone :'(

 **fish:** I TOLD U TO STOP QUOTING NEGAN 

 **fish:** omF HAVE U EVER EVEN SEEN THE WALJING DEAD BC NEGAN DIDNT FUCKING SAY THAT  
SCARY ONE EYE PIRATE DUDE DID

 **fish:** 'scary one eye pirate dude'   
whats his name

 **fish:** ACTUALLY U UNCULTURED SQUIDS   
RICK SAID THAT TO THE SCARY ONE EYE PIRATE DUDE  
FUCKING RICK

 **fish:** anyWAYS BACK ON TRACK  
BYE LOL

 **fish:** ray i know this is u doing this :/ u killed the last griup chat we had

 **fish:** and im gonna kill this one too 

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** removed **fish** from **fish**

 

 **\- fish** left **fish**


	17. the league of supergays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the squad become superheroes (this is really bad im sorry)

**\- Brendon Urie** added **Dallon Weekes, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt** and **Tré Cool** to  **ray toro is a group chat serial killer**

 

 **Brendon Urie:** and so it begins  
without ray

 **Gerard Way:** ray sits next to me in this class btw  
hes very offended that he hasnt been added in

 **Brendon Urie:** lmao idc

 **Mike Dirnt:** he wants to know if we can add him

 **Dallon Weekes:** no he cant be trusted

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** he says hes been to group chat serial killer rehab and he hasnt killed a group chat in over 6 months

 **Frank Iero:** he killed our group chat yesterday :/  
dont believe his LIES

 **Mikey Way:** anywayssss  
hows everyones first day back

 **Tré Cool:** fucking terrible  
i got sent out of class for eating wtf

 **Mikey Way:** well they do have a no eating rule tre 

 **Tré Cool:** what are you a fucking teacher   
suck my dick mikey and shut the fuck up

 **Gerard Way:** tre pls thats my brother ur chatting shit to :/

 

 **\- Frank Iero**  changed their own nickname to **frnkiero**

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** it always comes down to changng nicknames doenst it frank 

 **frnkiero:** yes it does bj yes it does

 

 **\- Tré Cool**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **blowjob gaystrong**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** tre why  
what did i ever do to u 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **an actual fucking ass**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** guys i have a joke listen

 **an actual fucking ass:** mike u are the joke

 **blowjob gaystrong:** oi m8 thats my bf ur chatting shit to 

 **Dallon Weekes:** billie just turned incredibly british 

 **Brendon Urie:** u could say he turned  
*puts on sunscreen*  
incredibillie british   
... u guys get it right

 **Mikey Way:** brendon ur supposed to put on sunglasses not sunscreen 

 **Brendon Urie:** let me live my life mikey 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** thATS IT  
THATS MY SUPERHERO NAME   
INCREDIBILLIE

 

 **\- Brendon Urie**  changed **blowjob gaystrong's**  nickname to **incredibillie**

 

 **Brendon Urie:** ur welcome billie 

 **incredibillie:** ha fuckers im a superhero

 **frnkiero:** more like a supergay :/

 **Gerard Way:** frank we're all supergays here

 **Dallon Weekes:** welcome to the league of supergays

 

 **\- Mikey Way** renamed the group **the league of supergays**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** brendon give me a superhero name 

 **Brendon Urie:** no

 **Gerard Way:** i call dibs on party poison 

 **frnkiero:** gerard no one wants party poison anyway

 **an actual fucking ass:** whats party poison 

 **Mikey Way:** its one of his comic book characters that he made up  
bc hes a hecking nerd

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed their own nickname to **party poison**

 

 **party poison:** party poison doenst have to deal with ur shit 

 **Mikey Way:** does thet mean i get to be kobra kid 

 **party poison:** yes 

 

 **\- party poison**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **kobra kid**

 

 **kobra kid:** and frank gest to be fun ghoul right??

 

 **kobra kid**  changed **frnkiero's**  nickname to **fun ghoul**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** i have names for brendon and dallon

 **Brendon Urie:** what

 **Mike Dirnt:** dr forehead and mr leg

 **an actual fucking ass:** YES MIKE FUCK IT UP

 

 **\- an actual fucking ass**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **dr forehead**

 

 **\- an actual fucking ass**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **mr leg**

 

 **fun ghoul:** so are we a superhrreo gang now

 **mr leg:** no frank we're a supergay gang now

 **Mike Dirnt:** me and tre dont have names this is unfair

 

 **\- dr forehead**  changed **Mike Dirnt's**  nickname to **supermike**

 

 **dr forehead:** now stop bitching 

 **supermike:** ty bren

 **mr leg:** LETS NOT CALL HIM BREN

 **kobra kid:** jealous much dallon ;))

 **an actual fucking ass:** so do i get a superheo name or am i forever doomed to be an actual fucking ass

 

 **\- party poison**  changed **an actual fucking ass's**  nickname to  **supertre**

 

 **supertre:** wow creative gerard

 **party poison:** be fucking appreciative 

 **supermike:** tre ur my partner 

 **incredibillie:** nO MIKE THATS ME D:

 **fun ghoul:** jealous boiz 

 **dr forehead:** damn ray sure is missing out on all the fun

 **kobra kid:** WE SHOULD ADD HIM HE CAN BE OUR SUPERVILLAIN 

 **mr leg:** mikEY NO WHY U GOTTA CREATE DRAMA ALL THE TIME

 **kobra kid:** bitch just try and stop me

 

 **\- kobra kid** added **Ray Toro** to **the league of supergays**

 

 **supermike:** mikey just called dallon a bitch

 **supertre:** mikey just added the KILLER TO THE GROUP

 

 **\- supertre**  changed **Ray Toro's**  nickname to **chatkiller**

 

 **chatkiller:** o shit waddup

 **party poison:** so u act like notching happenend 

 **kobra kid:** 'notching'

 **chatkiller:** do i dare ask whats going on with the nicknames 

 **fun ghoul:** we're superheroes ray thats whats going on  
and u are a supervillain 

 **chatkiller:** i just lost my shit over dr forehead and mr leg 

 **incredibillie:** IM GONNA MAKE A SUPERHREO COSTUME 

 **supermike:** billie pls no 

 **incredibillie:** I THINK U MEAN BILLIE YES

 **supermike:** BILLIE  N O

 **incredibillie:** BILLIE  Y E S

 **dr forehead:** I AGREE BILLIE YES 

 **mr leg:** brendon dont incorage him 

 **chatkiller:** 'incorage' dallon why

 **supermike:** and i thought billie was behind in english

 **party poison:** the only reason billies behind in eglish is bc he always eitehr leaves or gets kicked out of class

 **incredibillie:** gerard ur no better :/// u constantly get told to put ur eyeliner down in class

 **chatkiller:** so am i accepted back into the squad 

 **dr forehead:** lol no be gone 

 

 **\- dr forehead** removed **chatkiller** from **the league of supergays**

 

 **\- kobra kid** added **chatkiller** to **the league of supergays**

 

 **kobra kid:** brendon can u be nice for 5 fucking miutes

 **supertre:** brendon doesnt know how to be nice

 **dr forehead:** um rude??

 **fun ghoul:** its bc his forehead is so big  
it makes him mean

 **dr forehead:** thats doesnt even make sense frank what

 **mr leg:** poor brendo 

 **chatkiller:** 'brendo' 

 **mr leg:** lets not forget that i am illegitimate 


	18. the bible said ur a shrimp bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the super late update, I'll try to be more productive.

**party poison:** "im not drunk" mikey said as he tipped over backwards and laughed at the ceiling for half an hour

 **kobra kid:** gerd pls  
it was a rough weekend

 

 **\- supertre**  changed **party poison's**  nickname to **gerd**

 

 **gerd:** tre do not  
and yyes mikey i agree but it was still hilarious 

 **incredibillie:** tre no ur tearing the league of supergays apart :(  
also someone drew fan art of me and mike as incredibillie and supermike  
its p cool 

**_incredibillie sent a photo to the league of supergays_ **

**chatkiller:**  jfc u didnt tell us it was erotic  ** _  
_**

**incredibillie:** but look how good the drawing is!!!   
if u zoom in its so detailed 

**_incredibillie sent a photo to the league of supergays_ **

**incredibillie:** see look at that DETAIL

 **chatkiller:** BILLIE NO 

 **fun ghoul:** billiw why are u sending nudes???  
oH   
its a drawing

 **supermike:** ooh look how big i am ;))  
zoom in

_**supermike sent a photo to the league of supergays** _

**incredibillie:** its v accurate ;)

 **dr forehead:** CAB WE STOP SENDING NUDES TO THE GROUP PLS 

 **gerd:** i agree lets stop if someone happens to look over my shoulder they woudl be v concerned

 **mr leg:** someone mentioned dr jekyll and mr hyde and me and brendon just looked at each other and remembered dr forehead and mr leg   
we got kicked out for laughing  
so if anyone wanna come join us be apreceiate 

 **chatkiller:** dallon that last sentence doesnt eveb make sense

 **mr leg:** what do u expect ray i keEP GETTING KICKED OUT OF ENGLISH  
o nvm we allowed back in now 

 **fun ghoul:** i dont even know what class im in but im leaving

 **kobra kid:** frank no ur the only company i have since tre got banned from ever entering this room again

 **supermike:** how did tre get banned  
wait do i rlly wanna know

 **fun ghoul:** u do wanna know trust me its funny

 **supertre:** apparently im not allowed to stack tables on top of each other and jump over them

 **kobra kid:** tre tell mike what happened when the tables got too high for u to jump oevr

 **supertre:** they fell   
on the teacher  
and broke his wrist

 **gerd:** o H

 **fun ghoul:** lol bye leaving 

 **kobra kid:** frabj no come back

 **dr forehead:** frabj

 

 **\- supertre**  changed **fun ghoul's**  nickname to **frabj**

 

 **kobra kid:** frank sit ur ass down now i stg  
the bible said adam and eve not frank can leave

 **frabj:** the bible said mikey shut the fuck up

 **dr forehead:** ive never read the bible but i dont think it said that

 **kobra kid:** the bible said FRANK SIT TF DOWN

 **frabj:** the bible said no

 **kobra kid:** the bible said ur an ass 

 **frabj:** the bible said ur a shrimp bitch

 **mr leg:** the biBLE SAID IM GONNA FUCKIN REMOVE U ALL FROM THIS CHAT IN A MINUTE IF U DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR 5 MINS BC I JUST GOT LET BACK IN THIS CLASS AND THE TEACHER IS GONNA TAKE MY PHONE AWAY IF IT KEEPS BEEPING AND IF HE TAKES MY PHONE IM GONNA TAKE SOMEONES LIFE

 

 **\- gerd** removed **mr leg** from **the league of supergays**

 

 **dr forehead:** geardr donr be fucking rude

 

 **\- dr forehead** added **mr leg** to **the league of supergays**

 

 **mr leg:** BRDENO I WILL FUCING END U 

 **dr forehead:**.. um?? what is brdeno 

 **mr leg:** im am illustrate 

 

 **\- supertre**  changed **dr forehead's**  nickname to **brdeno**

 

 **chatkiller:** tre is slowly erasing our superhero identitties :(

 **supertre:** ha u said titties 

 

 **\- chatkiller**  changed **supertre's**  nickname to **tre is not super**

 

 **tre is not super:** that just makes me sound like some sort of cringy youtuber 

 

 **\- chatkiller**  changed **tre is not super;s**  nickname to **tre is not a youtuber**

 

 **tre is not a youtuber:** that also makes me sound like some sort of cringy youtuber 

 

 **\- chatkiller**  changed **tre is not a youtuber's**  nickname **to coolio**

 

 **coolio:** ah good old coolio :)

 **mr leg:** I HOPE U WEASELS ARE HAPPY I GOT KICKED OUT AGAIN

 **brdeno:** i am a happy weasel 

 **kobra kid:** pop goes the weasel 

 **incredibillie:** what the fuck is a measle

 **coolio:** measles, noun: an infectious viral disease causing fever and a red rash, typically occurring in childhood.

 **gerd:** who has measles 

 **chatkiller:** dallon

 **mr leg:**?? no one has measles tf 

 **frabj:** then why are u talking about measles dallon dont confuse us

 **gerd:** this is literally like when ray told us there were firemen and we all got excited

 **supermike:** DURR HBURR IM A FUREMEN 

 **incredibillie:** RUMPLE FORESKIN  
that was a good day

 **brdeno:** i got rlly confused for a second bc i thought u were using RUMPLE FORESKIN as a term of surprise  
u know like instead of saying OH MY GOD that was a goo day u said RUMPLE FORESKIN that was a good day  
but anyway who has measles 

 **mr leg:** I SAID WEASEL NOT MEASLES TF IS WRONG WITH U GUYS 

 **incredibillie:** whaT

 **coolio:** weasel, noun: a small, slender carnivorous mammal related to, but smaller than, the stoat.  
weasel, noun: a deceitful or treacherous person.  
weasel, verb: achieve something by use of cunning or deceit.

 **supermike:** we are all deceitful and treacherous ppl here

 **frabj:** meikey where tf are u come join me

 **kobra kid:** sorry frank i only respond to my name  
u know  
MIKEY   
not meikey

 

 **\- gerd**  changed **kobra kid's**  nickname to **meikey**

 

 **frabj:** i sepnt too much time with dallon i caught his illiterate 

 **meikey:** fuck u

 **mr leg:** im not illinois what 

 **brdeno:** no dal ur not an entire state 

 **coolio:** his legs are the size of an entire state 

 **incredibillie:** just like my dick 

 **chatkiller:** it always comes back to someones penis doesnt it


	19. the great food poisoning of '15 and the great ass-shooting of '16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am proud of this mess <3

**meikey:** i have some news  
1\. tre acquired a paintball gun  
2\. tre shot me in the ass cheek with said paintball gun  
3\. the cops took the paintball gun away from him  
4\. i cannot fucking walk

 **gerd:** u were only suposed to go to the store to get snacks how

 **coolio:** a man in an alleyway was giving away paintball guns tf was i supposed to say

 **gerd:** tre remember the last time u accepted something from a man in an alleyway

 **supermike:** ah yes i remember that incident 

 **brdeno:** what incident

 **frabj:** we call it the great food poisoning of '15

 **mr leg:** whats the great food poisoning of '15??

 **chatkiller:** strap urself in boi this is gonna be a wild ride

 **incredibillie:** strap on ;)

 **coolio:** let me set the scene:  
it was a cold dark december night

 **supermike:** it was the middle of the afternoon in june but okay

 **coolio:** i was all alone in a strange land

 **meikey:** tre u were walking home from school and me and frank were with u :/

 **coolio:** all of a sudden out of nowhere a large man attacked me

 **frabj:** um.. a tiny lil homeless dude stepped out form an alleyway and said hello

 **coolio:** i fouhgt  him of with my bear hands but it was no use  
he was too srtongh

 **incredibillie:** 'bear hands'  
grizly bear

 **chatkiller:** the legend of bear hand tre

 **meikey:** tre wtf that didnt happen at all

 **coolio:** SHUT UP MIKEY U WERENT THERE U DONT KNOW HOW TERRIFYING IT WAS FOR ME

 **meikey:** okay but i kinda was there :/  
and so was ffrnak

 **mr leg:** what happened nect what happeed next

 **chatkiller:** 'happeed' 

 **mr leg:** hush 

 **coolio:** from his pocket he puleld out a weapon

 **brdeno:** he had a gun?

 **coolio:** yes  
a glock

 **chatkiller:** by glock he means a mouldy old chicken wing  
that he fucking ate

 **coolio:** whos telling the story raymond  
anyhoo  
he pulled out a glock and put it to my head

 **supermike:** cock

 **coolio:** no

 **frabj:** i.. i dont know what happening rn

 **gerd:** no one does frank no one does

 **coolio:** my entire life flased before my eyes  
i saw my birth and all my birthdays and everything  
i even s aw the time i got my haed stuck in thoese bars

 **incredibillie:** ha i remmver that 

 **coolio:** he pulld the trigger 

 **brdeno:** wow  
did u die

 **coolio:** sadly yes  
BUT I SURVIVDE

 **mr leg:** ALL JAIL BEAR HAND TRE  
*HAIL

 **chatkiller:** jail tre

 **meikey:** THAT DIDNT HAPPEN  
A HOMELESS DUDE OFFERED HIM A MOLDY CHICKEN WING  
AND HE FUCKING ATE IT AND GOT SICK FOR LIKE 5 MONTHS

 **supermike:** #jailtre2k16

 **incredibillie:** #JAILTRE2K16

 **brdeno:** i didnt understabd that story one bit  
but from mikeys summary iim assuming u accepted food from a strange man in an alleyway??

 **coolio:** u assumed correctly bren  
that was a good time

 **chatkiller:** u spent 4 weeks off school  
2 of which were in the hopsotal

 **coolio:** but it was a good chicken wing

 **mr leg:** um shouldnt we be focusing on mikey getting shot in the ass

 **incredibillie:**  we can call this incident the great ass-shooting of '16

 

 **\- chatkiller** renamed the group **the great ass-shooting of '16**

 

 **meikey:** wow thanks ray :/

 **chatkiller:** welcome

 **gerd:** mikey where tf are u anyway  
ur suppos to be bringning me my snacks 

 **meikey:** u fuckin try wlakindg witha sore ass  
not that esy

 **mr leg:** o dear  
that is hard to undertsand

 **frabj:** mikey 90% of us here are gay  
we all kmow what its like to walk with a sore ass

 **supermike:** frANK 

 **frabj:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **coolio:** its okay im helping

 **meikey:** tre literally all ur doing is reciting poetry in a british acent

 **brdeno:** i see how that can help

 **meikey:** itS NOT FUCKING HELPEOJDNG THO BRNEDON FUCIKMK ODF

 **mr leg:** idk what dat means but im p sure he just told u he loves u brendon :)

 **incredibillie:** he really didnt dallon

 **gerd:** he better not have  
mikey i raised u better than to go after a married man 

 **brdeno:** im married?

 **mr leg:** oH WELL THIS IS NEWS  
WHO MARRIED U BRENDON 

 **supermike:** this is getting rather heated 

 **chatkiller:** once again mikey causes drama

 **meikey:** THE POINT OF THIS DSICUSION IS SUPPSOED TO BE ME GETTING SHOT IN THE ASS  
NOT WHATEVER THE FUCK WE'RE DISCUSSING NOW

 **mr leg:** BRENDON WHO DID U MARRY

 **brdeno:** IM NOT MARRIED IM JUST A SMOL BOI OF 16

 **frabj:** we had the great food poisoning of '15  
and now the great ass-shooting of '16  
i wonder what the great incident of '17 will be

 **chatkiller:** only time will tell


	20. condom crimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at updating sorry :))

**chatkiller:** i figured it out  
what the next great event will be  
its gonna be the great murder spree of '17

 **brdeno:** whay

 **mr leg:** 'whay'  
honey make up ur mind its either what or why

 **brdeno:** fuck off fallon let me make up words

 **frabj:** falLON I AM WHEEZING

 

 **\- incredibillie**  changed **mr leg's**  nickname to **fallon**

 

 **gerd:** the tonight show stirring jimmy fallon 

 **coolio:** 'stirring' 

 **meikey:** guys pls its quarter to 6 in the morning   
on a sunday

 **chatkiller:** SOMEONE ASK ME WHY THERES GONNA BE A MURDER SPREE IN THE NEW YEAR

 **supermike:** WHY IS THERE GONNA BE A MURDER SPREE IN THE NEW YEAR

 **chatkiller:** BC IM ABOU TO M U R D E R YOU ALL :)

 **incredibillie:** o H   
WELL  
THATS A LITTLE HOSTILE DONT U THINK

 **chatkiller:** okay okay  
i wont murder ALL of u  
JUST WHICHEVER ONE OF U FUCKS PUT 14 BOXES OF CONDOMS IN MY ROOM

 **fallon:** what size are they

 **chatkiller:** dallon thats not imortnat 

 **gerd:** thats mr jimmy fallon to u ray ty v much

 **fallon:** my name isnt jimmy fallon  
its jimmy dallon

 **frabj:** why does this chat never make a lick of sense

 **coolio:** why does it have to be a lick

 **meikey:** yea  
why not a slurp of sense

 **supermike:** or a mouthful of sense

 **brdeno:** or an assload of sense

 **incredibillie:** brendon no 

 **brdeno:** let me live my life billie

 **chatkiller:** anyone gonna admit to the condom crime?

 **gerd:** no no no ray   
we cant call this the condom crime  
this is like the 7th condom crime

 **fallon:** u guys have a lot of weird shit happening 

 **coolio:** this isnt even the weirdest 

 **supermike:** yea weve had stranger things

 **meikey:** ha stranger things 

 **incredibillie:** the first condom crime was when frank woke up with condoms on his hands and feet

 **gerd:** i admitted to that  
sorry fronk

 **frabj:** dont be ;)  
it was nice

 **meikey:** then i found like 200 condoms taped to the inside of my locker  
coughtrecough

 **coolio:** ur welcome

 **fallon:** okay yea we get he point

 **brdeno:** were kinda late to the condom party  
im gonna have to mak w up for lost tiem

 **supermike:** u really dont brendon 

 **chatkiller:** I BET IT WAS U MIKE

 **supermike:** whAT NO IT WASNT???   
IM A MAATURE RESPOIBSIBLE ADULT   
LEAVE ME OT OF UR SILLY CONDOM GAMES  
it was probably billie

 **incredibillie:** you know what mike  
go and shove milk up ur ass

 **supermike:** nah  
that sounds more like something bredon would do 

 **brdeno:** ur absolutely right :)  
but id probably shove milk up someone elses ass

 **fallon:** im leaving u bye

 **brdeno:** i didnt say i was gona shove milk up UR ass 

 **fallon:** oh? whos else ass would u shove milk up then? if not ur BOYFRIND  
bc thats what i am right?

 **brdeno:** im confis?  
do u want milk shoved up ur ass or not?

 **fallon:** no brendon what the actual fuck 

 **incredibillie:** if anyone wants milk i usually have some in my bag

 **frabj:** im confused to heck rn   
i thogh milk came out of titties  
not ass?

 **gerd:** frank.. no

 **meikey:** milk usually comes out of billies bag actually 

 **coolio:** u guys are weird asf  
milk comes out of my fridge  
not my titts or my ass or my bag

 **chatkiller:** van we stop talking about milk pls

 **supermike:** van

 **brdeno:** vans off the wall 

 **frabj:** why would u put a van on a wall  
brendon what the actual fuck

 **gerd:** frank just go back to sleep ur getting confusded

 **chatkiller:** brendon what the actual fuck is becoming almost as popular as trE NO

 **incredibillie:** bc tre cannnot behave himself 

 **coolio:** fuk u bj 

 

 **\- coolio**  changed **incredibillie's**  nickname to **blowjob gaystrong**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** trE NO   
what the fukc  
why 

 **supermike:** its a v flattening name bj 

 **frabj:** flattening 

 **fallon:** pancakes are flat

 **meikey:** fuck off dallon now im hungry   
and it only fucking 6am 

 **gerd:** hunger doesnt abide by our laws of time

 **chatkiller:** that sounds like a drmaatic movie ending   
but at the same time it kinda doesnt make sense

 **brdeno:** the best movies dont make sense ray 

 **coolio:** this group doesnt make sense  
does that mean this is a movie

 **fallon:** yes

 **gerd:** no

 **fallon:** y e s

 **gerd:** dallon dont be fucking progressive  
*aggressive wtf

 **blowjob gaystrong:** yea ffs dallon stop being so progressive 

 **meikey:** if thsi was a movit i like to think there would be cool tumblr edits off our best lines  
like durr hburr im a furemen  
and melancholy waffle iron

 **supermike:** "durr hburr im a furemen" - billie joe armstrong     
good times good times

 **frabj:** my personal fave is "i want u to rub bbq sauce all over my ass ;)"  - dallon weekes 

 **fallon:** i feel attacked 

 **chatkiller:** i like this one  
"all ive done in this class is draw and eat childbirth" - gerard way 

 **brdeno:** i think all of our lines are gr8

 **gerd:** theyre not lines brendon we're not actors 

 **brdeno:** i could be an actor 

 


	21. mikey makes everyone apologise to harry truman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ghost of Harry Truman is going to haunt me for this chapter

**fallon:** i require assistants

 **meikey:** do u mean assistance 

 **fallon:** no shut up  
anyway  
help me

 **chatkiller:** u do realise we're in class  
we cant help u

 **supermike:** ray dont be fucking rude  
what do u need dallon

 **fallon:** whos harry truman 

 **gerd:** who

 **blowjob gaystrong:** who tf is harry truman 

 **fallon:** exACTLY   
tHis class confuses me  
harry truman the mystery man  

 **coolio:** scooby doo

 **chatkiller:** what tre

 **coolio:** mystery machine   
scooby doo  
u knwo?

 **frabj:** harry trumans in scooby doo

 **fallon:** o ty frank  
now i actually seem like im paying attention 

 **brdeno:** go dallon  
u might make it into college if u keep this up

 **fallon:** hahAHA HA   
brendon dont pressure me too much

 **meikey:** are u guys seriously this dumb

 **blowjob gaystrong:** wow mean

 **fallon:** frank why would u lie to me  
harry truman is not in scooby doo

 **meikey:** nO FUCKING SHIT  
HE WAS THE PRESIDENT 

 **gerd:** harry trumasn the president??

 **meikey:** no he WAS the presiednet  
u insulted the (dead) president of the unites states

 **coolio:** lol nvm

 **meikey:** tre have some respect 

 **coolio:** no 

 **meikey:** dallon apologise to harry truman for not knowing who he was

 **fallon:** sorry harry truman for not knowing who u were

 **meikey:** tre apologise to harry truman for not respecting him

 **coolio:** no

 **meikey:** trE APOLOGISE TO HARRY TRUMAN

 **coolio:** NO

 **meikey:** FINE  
MOVING ON  
frank apologise to harry truman for saying hes in scooby doo

 **frabj:** sorry harry truman for saying u were in scooby doo  
(u would make a rad ghost hunter tho)

 **meikey:** and also apologise to dallon for telling him harry truman is in scooby doo

 **frabj:** sorry dallon for telling u that harry truman was in scooby doo  
and harry truman needs to apologise to dallon for confusing him 

 **meikey:** harry truman apologise to dallon for confusting him

 **brdeno:** harry truman contacts u from beyon the grave dal  
he says sorry for confusing u 

 **fallon:** i do not accept harry trumans apology 

 **brdeno:** harry truman is most upset that u do not accept his apology 

 **fallon:** good thing i dont give a fuck about harry trumans feelings 

 **meikey:** DALLON  
be nice to harry truman

 **gerd:** um mikey  
why are u talking as if u and harry truman are bffs

 **meikey:** we arent bffs gerard :/  
but we were bfuooudop

 **coolio:**??

 **meikey:** best friends until one of us dies of pneumonia 

 **gerd:** thats terrifyingly specific 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** today on group chat  
mikey makes everyone apologise to harry truman  
who used to be his bfuooudop

 **supermike:** i didnt apologose   
do i need to?

 **meikey:** mike, apologise to harry truman for not apologosing to him

 **supermike:** sorry harry truman for not apologising to u  
wait what did i do

 **frabj:** u killed him 

 **chatkiller:** MIKE KILLED HARRY TRUMAN

 **meikey:** HARRY TRUMAN ISNT A JOKE RAY   
HE WAS MY BFUOOUDOP

 **gerd:** noah fence but this entire chat has gone to hell  
for the 167389403276th time 

 **brdeno:** i take a fence t this comet

 **supermike:** offensive comet   
go to time out   
bad comet 

 **meikey:** whats happening   
i dont  
whAT

 **frabj:** harry truman is in scooby doo  
and brendon got offended by a comet  
that mike is now putting in time out 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** mike would make a great comet   
*parent  
sorry i read comet and accidentally wrote it 

 **coolio:** mikes a comet

 **supermike:** no?

 **fallon:** be free mike be free follow ur dreams of being a comet 

 **brdeno:** #setmikefree2k16

 **gerd:** if mike wants to be a comet he can be a comet  
dont let anyone hold u back mike

 **supermike:** i dont want tto be a comet tho gerard :/  
thank u for ur support tho

 **frabj:** if mikes a comet that means he offended brendon  
go to timeout michael and think about ur action figures  
*actions wtf 

 **fallon:** action figures 

 **chatkiller:** how cool would a harry truman action figure be  
with a mystery machine

 **meikey:** i cant deal   
i just cant  
LEAVE HARRY TRUMAN OUT OF UR DUMBASS IDEAS PLS  
HES DONE NOTHING TO U 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** mikey the fangirl :/  
harry trumas no 1 fan right here

 **meikey:** BILLID I WO FCUI EDNHCUGIYV

 **gerd:** oh look we broke mikey  
again 

 **brdeno:** this has happened before?

 **coolio:** o yes  
many times

 **blowjob gaystrong:** here goes the hair and there goes the hair  
where is harry truman

 **frabj:** in the mystery machine 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** incorrect  
hes dead in the ground hes dead in the ground  
hes dead dead dead dead dead dead

 **supermike:** nice

 **fallon:** me and bren got kicked out of class

 **meikey:** how 

 **brdeno:** theres some weird discussion going on about harry truman   
and i brought up scooby doo again  
and then dallon sang that stupid bobs burgers hair song  
and the teacher apparebtly didnt like it

 **chatkiller:** meet me in the library   
im bored

 **gerd:** i would join but im actually banned from the library for tje rest of this week

 **blowjob gaystrong:** only bc they caught u dancng about   
looks like u have to stay in class ha

 **coolio:** im on the roof come join me

 **meikey:** all thsi group is used for is telling each otehr where we are when we misbehave and get kicked out of class  
also what the hell are u doing on the roof tre 

 **coolio:** admirjng the view  
and also i found a grapefruit 

 **frabj:** so tre is on the roof with a grapefruit  
that alarms me a lot more than it should

 **supermike:** grapefruits are an alarming species 

 **frabj:** i was talking mroe about tre but okay sure


	22. ghost ships, fuckboys and scottish men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone should totally make tumblr edits of these quotes on edgy backgrounds and send them to me (my tumblr is red-dxn)  
> also this is based on a comment from someone ayy

**frabj:** U GUYS HAVW NO IDEA WHTA U JUST MISSED   
F R I CK   
THTA WAS EXHILERATING 

 **coolio:** i could have d i e d frank

 **frabj:** but u didnt?? smh ppl these days alwats so sensitive 

 **chatkiller:** do i even wanna know what happened 

 **brdeno:** why do i get the feeling u groaned as u typed that

 **chatkiller:** bc i did

 **blowjob gaystrong:** wait whos having sex

 **meikey:** um no one?

 **blowjob gaystrong:** lol soz i saw the word groaned and just assumed ya know  
waht is going on anyway

 **fallon:** we're not sure  
frank has news and tre could have d i e d 

 **gerd:** i was summoned by notifications  
tre did u legit nearly die

 **coolio:** yes   
sit tight kiddos for an epic tale of love and betrayal and heartbreak and loss   
and also what happens when u go to close to the edge of the roof

 **supermike:** pls tell me u didnt fall off of a roof tre

 **coolio:** i didnt fall off of a roof michael 

 **fallon:** really?

 **coolio:** lmao no not really   
i was just telling mike what he wanted to hear

 **meikey:** oh my g o d   
im in a group full off complete fucking fuckasses 

 **gerd:** thats no way to speak aboot ur friends mikey

 **brdeno:** lmao read that in a scottish accent 

 **chatkiller:** c r y i n g  
"thats no way to speak aboot ur friends mikey" - gerard the scottish man 

 **supermike:** shoukdnt that be scotsman 

 **fallon:** the flying scotsman  
isnt that a ghost ship

 **meikey:** no dallon  
thats the flying fuckboy  
*ducthman wtf lmao 

 **coolio:** flying fuckboy i am h y p e r v e n t i l a t i n g

 **blowjob gaystrong:** gerard the flying fuckboy

 **supermike:** how about ghost fuckboy

 **fallon:** scottish fuckboy

 **chatkiller:** scottish ghost 

 **frabj:** cAN WE FFOCUS PLS  
TRE ALMOST DIED AND SOMETHING INCREDIBLY FUNNY HAPPENED BUT ALL U DICKWANKS CAN TALK ABOUT IS GHOST SHIPS AND FUCKBOYS AND SCOTTISH MEN  
also gerard is not a fuckboy

 **brdeno:** ghost ships, fuckboys and scottish men - the tale of our group chat 

 **coolio:** tag urself im the ghost ship

 **frabj:** L I S T E N PLS

 **supermike:** jfc frank what happened

 **coolio:** i fell off the roof is what happened

 **blowjob gaystrong:** how are u not dead  
like  
its pretty far up  
OMF IS UR GRAPEFRUIT OKAY DID IT FALL WITH U 

 **coolio:** NO BILLIE DONT TALK ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED MY GRAPEFRUIT SON IS OKAY

 **frabj:** i have  it 

 **meikey:** am i the only one wondering whats funny about tre almost dying

 **fallon:** tre falling off the roof isnt the funny part? 

 **brdeno:** no dallon wtf :/

 **frabj:** well  
tre fell  
and guess who caught him

 **gerd:** harry truman

 **meikey:** LEAV E HARRY TRUMAN OUT OF THIS GERARD I STG

 **frabj:** IT WAS THE PRINCIPAL   
PLOT TWIST WHOA  
also he caught him and it lookedl like they were about to kiss

 **supermike:** tre/principal fanfiction and edgy tumblr edits coming up 

 **fallon:** "he holds me in his big arms drunk and i am seeing stars this is all i think of" - tre aftr being caught by the principal 

 **coolio:** i wasnt drunk??

 **gerd:** well how else do u explain fallng off a roof

 **chatkiller:** its tre what do u honestly expect 

 **coolio:** anyway  
dearest franklin  
what has become of my grapefruit son

 **brdeno:** wow falling off a roof sure has changed tre

 **meikey:** tre u could have died and ur worried about a grapefruit 

 **frabj:** ur grapefruit is fine tre its with me   
im carrying it down to u now 

 **coolio:** good good

 **supermike:** tre do u know that everyones already talking about u and the principal

 **coolio:** age is just a number dont h8 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** trE NO WTF dont fuck the principal 

 **coolio:** he wants me i know it

 **chatkiller:** im gonna pretend i didnt read that :/


	23. if u cant handle me at my dallon u dont deserve me at my billie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't that good tbh I'm sorry

**gerd:** im having dreams about harry truman and scottish fuckboys on ghost ships now bc of u asshats

 **coolio:** BILLIE AND DALLON ARE GOING AT IT GET UR BUTTS HERE NOW

 **chatkiller:** theyre fucking??? does brendon know? does MIKE KNOW?  
hey maybe brendon and mike will get torgether who knwos the possibolite are endless  
wait why are u watching? are u recording them

 **coolio:** ray no wtf theyre fighting not fucking :/

 **chatkiller:** jfc why didnt u just say that then smh 

 **gerd:** is it ignore gerard day today then

 **coolio:** guys get down here now we're by the principals office!!!!

 **meikey:** why fight there? like are they TRYING to get suspended  
for the 20th time 

 **brdeno:** see michael loook what u caused

 **supermike:** what i caused??? brendon u slapped me with a dead fish 

 **frabj:** tf did i just read

 **supermike:** yea brendon slapped me with a dead fish   
and it somehow caused an argument  
and now billie and dallon are fighting to the death to defend their men 

 **gerd:** SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME

 **brdeno:** gerard shut tf up we're having drama 

 **meikey:** yea gerard let the drama happen

 **frabj:** mikey ur a drama whore  
boo u whore

 **chatkiller:** o dear lord  
no for real guys someone should come here and stop them  
like theyre really murdering each other

 **coolio:** i know its gr8  
all this aCTION IS MAKING ME ESCITED

 **frabj:** 'escited'

 **coolio:** hey someoes gotta be illiterate now that dallons too busy slamming billie into the floor

 **supermike:** looks like imma have to go save billies scrawny ass from leg man

 **brdeno:** imma have to go save dallon  
wait  
no i dont bc billie cant fight for shit lmao 

 **chatkiller:** um tre ur not helping by giving them things they can use as weapons

 **frabj:** if u want soemthingd done right u gotta do it urself :/

 **brdeno:** frANK WHAT????   
U THREW A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT AT DALLONS HEAD   
wHy??/??????!"?W.\me3

 **coolio:** no not my grapefrut son D: poor little Jebediah 

 **meikey:** jebediah 

 **coolio:** jeb for short 

 **fallon:** wow ty frank i have bits of grapefruit in my hair now 

 **coolio:** correction  
u have bits of JEBEDIAH IN UR HAIR 

 **fallon:** U CANNOT NAME A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT JEBDHIDEIAH 

 **supermike:** imma name my first born son jebdhideiah 

 

 **\- meikey** renamed the group **jebdhideiah**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** dallon im gonna murder u in ur sleep 

 **fallon:** only bc u cant handle me when im awake 

 **frabj:** if u cant handle me at my awake then u dont deserve me at my sleeping 

 **brdeno:** frank that doesnt...  
that doesnt make sense at all

 **gerd:** if u cant handle me at my dallon u dont deserve me at my billie 

 **chatkiller:** gerad that makes even less sense 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** THE ENTIRE SQUAD IS FALLING APART BC OF U DALLON

 **fallon:** U HIT ME FIRST U IMBECILE 

 **coolio:** U MURDERED MY SON  
MY ONE AND ONLY CHILD

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **rip in pieces jebediah**

 

 **brdeno:** TRE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT JEREMIAH 

 **supermike:** 'jeremiah' 

 **brdeno:** suck a cock mike

 **supermike:** jokes on u i like sucking cock

 

 **\- meikey** removed **fallon** from **jebdhideiah**

 

 **\- meikey** removed **blowjob gaystrong** from **jebdhideiah**

 

 **\- meikey** removed **supermike** from **jebdhideiah**

 

 **\- meikey** removed **brdeno** from **jebdhideiah**

 

 **\- meikey** removed **coolio** from **jebdhideiah**

 

 **meikey:** u can all come back when u calm tf down :)

 **chatkiller:** theres not much of us left anymore 

 **frabj:** wow this goes to show which ones of us are nice calm entities and which ones are HOSTILE   
im a good person 

 **gerd:** mikey were u hopijng to solve this mess by removing them??

 **meikey:** yes

 **gerd:** well now dallon and billie are punching each other again  
mikes shoving brendon away from them  
and tres just being an ass and recording it 

 **frabj:** tf is this even over??  
like  
i stg we dont fight like ever

 **chatkiller:** the squad has fallen

 **meikey:** brendon and mike were arguing   
a dead fish appeared  
billie and dallon tried to sotop the argument  
and then this mess happeend 

 **frabj:** im like 90% sure thats the story of my birth  
"and then this mess happened" 

 **gerd:** hush now franklin  
quit the emo shit 

 **chatkiller:** should we add them back  
like  
have they stopped being violent liettle shits now

 **gerd:** they have

 **meikey:** 1 at a time so i can play dentist and question them  
*detective 

 **frabj:** dentistry requires questioning 

 **chatkiller:** no it doesnt 

 

 **\- meikey** added **brdeno** to **jebdhideiah**

 

 **meikey** brendon  
what i shappenig

 **brdeno:** i cannot feel my left testicle bc of mike :/

 **chatkiller:** gr8 thanks for ur input   
NEXT

 

 **\- meikey** added **blowjob gaystrong** to **jebdhideiah**

 

 **meikey:** billie boy  
whats happening here

 **blowjob gaystrong:** nothin at all why do u ask  
but dallon did throw me through a door and the principal asked us to leave the school for 2 whole weeks   
i think hes getting tried of us 

 **gerd:** o god have u guys been suspended agAIN?   
HOW MANY TIMES CAN U GET SUSPENDED I DONT GET THIS  H O W

 **frabj:** lmao we like hardlu ever got in trouble before brendon and dallon came along 

 **chatkiller:** uh yes we did 

 

 **\- meikey** added **supermike** to **jebdhideiah**

 

 **meikey:** michael pls enlighten me  
what the actual fuck is going on

 **supermike:** idk bu t i kicked brendon in the balls 

 **brdeno:** fuck u

 

 **\- frabj** added **coolio** to **jebdhideiah**

 

 **\- frabj** added **fallon** to **jebdhideiah**

 

 **frabj:** now listen here u sorry shits  
we dont have tiem to argue and gight about dead fish and whatnot  
so geT UR ASSES HERE NOW AND EVERYONE APOLOGOSE AND THINGE WIL BE BETER

 **fallon:** im over it now  
as long as billie doesnt fucking jump on my back and start screeching again

 **blowjob gaystrong:** twas my victory screech dallon  
could u not handle it

 **fallon:** no it hrut my ears  
and anyway u had nothing to be victorious about u lost the fight

 **blowjob gaystrong:** some say i lost, i say i won  
its all just dust in the wind

 **supermike:** what are u fuckong gay

 **blowjob gaystrong:** only for u bae ;)

 **chatkiller:** awe :')

 **brdeno:** ha gayyyy

 **gerd:** brendon shut tf uup 


	24. michigan is the powerhouse of the cell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pete's here somewhere...

**fallon:** in need or serious help rn lads  
how tf do u spel cocidinence

 **frabj:** exactly like that :)

 **fallon:** o ty frnak  
also how do u spell disoprosonate

 **frabj:** u already got it right dal :))

 **fallon:** ty frank u saved me  
and did i spell mitochondria right???

 **frabj:** no its spelled michigan

 **fallon:** alrighty thanks bye add me back when im out of english i cant afford to fuck up again

 

 **\- fallon** left **jebdhideiah**

 

 **coolio:** damn frank u a savage  
hes gonna murder u when he realises

 **brdeno:** frank why didnt u read what he said about not fucking up again

 **frabj:** im bored i have to entertain myself somehow  
and wathing dallon fail miserably is v entertaining

 **gerd:** sorry i find this fucking hlarous  
like  
imagine dallon standing up and proudly saying "michigan is the powerhouse of the cell"

 **brdeno:** thats noT FUNNY GERARD JFC  
OUR TEACHER IS GOING TO BE LIKE "YO DALLON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK"

 **chatkiller:** brendon u fuckwit ur in the same class just tell him frank was fucking with him

 **brdeno:** i would   
but  
i may or may not have been kicked out for backflipping off the tables

 **blowjob gaystrong:** leave it to incredibillie

 **coolio:** oh good bj ur alive i wondered where u were

 **supermike:** soz we were busy :/

 **gerd:** ;)

 **supermike:** exactly gerard ;)

 **chatkiller:** billie did u just naruto run down the hall

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i did  
im going to save dalmation   
*dallon lmaoo wtf

 **meikey:** u could start by learning to spell his name right :)

 **blowjob gaystrong:** eat pubes mikey 

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **eat pubes mikey**

 

 **chatkiller:** coming this fall  
101 dallons 

 **brdeno:** ooh sexy ;)))  
okay so dallons telling me to add him back in asap bc he needs to murder frank

 **frabj:** lmAO BYE 

 

 **\- frabj** left **eat pubes mikey**

 

 **\- brdeno** added **fallon** to **eat pubes mikey**

 

 **fallon:** I FUCKING TOLD THE ENTIRE CLASS THAT MICHIGAN IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL  
M I C H I G A N

 **gerd:** u gotta admit its a lil funny 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** lmao rip i naruto ran into the wrong class

 **meikey:** oh hi billie   
look at the back of the room  
am waving at u

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i waved back

 **meikey:** i saw 

 **gerd:** stipp being gay and billie get out of mikeys lass  
*class

 **fallon:** yea bj get out of mikeys lass :/  
cheating is wrong 

 **coolio:** ive suddenly lost the ability to read in an accent that isnt scottish so everythinsg hilarious at the moment

 **chatkiller:** "get out of mikeys lass, lad" the scottish man says as he comes home to find billie fucking mikeys wife 

 **gerd:** its always scottish men isnt it 

 **meikey:** i wasnt aware i had a wife  
who is she

 **supermike:** ur wife is pete wentz 

 **meikey:** eW MIKE NO GROSS I DONT EVEN LIKE PETE WTF 

 **brdeno:** someones getting defensive 

 **meikey:** I DONT FUCKING LIKE PETE GO AWAY BRENDON 

 

 **\- meikey** left **eat pubes mikey**

 

 **chatkiller:** we're gonna have to change the name  
u cant tell mikey to eat pubes if hes not here 

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **eat pubes mikey (who isnt currently here but whatever)**

 

 **fallon:** wow tre gr8 work 

 **coolio:** ty dallon ur so sweat :)

 **blowjob gaystrong:** 'sweat' tre why

 **fallon:** haha fucker now whos illicit 

 

 **\- supermike** renamed the group **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey bc he isnt here**

 

 **coolio:** mike no why   
u got it wrong franks nit here either

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey and frank bc they arent here**

 

 **gerd:** guys weshould add pete and then add mikey abck and it will be surprive fr him

 **fallon:** gerad this group only has room for one itilternate   
and that me

 

 **\- fallon** removed **gerd** from **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey and frank bc they arent here**

 

 **\- brdeno** renamed the group **ear pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** 'ear pubes'  
ty for that image brendon :/

 **brdeno:** lol sorry i spent too much time with dallon he made me illiterate 

 

 **\- brdeno** renamed the group **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **chatkiller:** CAN WE STOP TALKIG ABOUT PUBES PLS

 

 **\- supermike**  changed **chatkiller's**  nickname to **PUBE**

 

 **PUBE:** wow mike thats the complete opposite of what i wanted but hey whatevs

 **coolio:** im gunna add pete   
we're homies

 **blowjob gaystrong:** tre he threw his lunch at u yesterday :/

 **coolio:** hush william 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** my name isnt william

 **coolio:** hush

 

 **\- coolio** added **Pete Wentz** to  **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **PUBE:** tre this would work a lot better if mikey was actually in the group 

 **coolio:** doNT QUESTION MY MOTIVES leave me alone

 

 **\- coolio** added **meikey** to  **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **coolio:** might as well add the entire fam right

 

 **\- coolio** added **gerd** to  **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **\- coolio** added **frabj** to **eat pubes everyone apart from mikey frank and gerard bc they arent here**

 

 **fallon:** uggh now we gotta rename the group 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** renamed the group **eat pubes everyone including mikey frank and gerard bc theyre back now**

 

 **brdeno:** billie ur doing it wrong  
watch ane leanr

 

 **\- brdeno** renamed the group **eat pubes everyone including mikey frank and gerard bc theyre back now but not pete bc he didnt do anything wrong yet**

 

 **meikey:** wow u guys have been WILD while we were gone  
wAIT  
FUCKING PETE???? 

 **Pete Wentz:** hello mikey   
did u miss me  
from the last time i saw u which was this morning but its been a solid 3 or 4 hours sicne then so idk u might have mssed me

 **frabj:** oh my god pete shut up

 **Pete Wentz:** i came out to have a good tme and im honsetly feeling so attacked right now 

 **supermike:** oh did u actually come out

 **meikey:** mICHAEL   
U CANNOT JUST ASK SOMEONE THAT  
ANYHOO  
bye pete have fun 

 

 **\- meikey** removed **Pete Wentz** from  **eat pubes everyone including mikey frank and gerard bc theyre back now but not pete bc he didnt do anything wrong yet**

 

 **brdeno:** oh wow mikey now i have to chnage it again bc petes not here

 **gerd:** how about we levae the changelings to me   
*changing

 **fallon:** changelings 

 

 **\- gerd** renamed the group **nobody eat pubes**

 

 **PUBE:** ah gerard   
the pillar of our community 

 

 **\- fallon** renamed the group **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **meikey:** this griup chat is giving me gray hairs i stg  
so im gonna turn my phone off until u lot stop being asshats 

 **coolio:** oh mikey  
sweet mikey  
so mature 

 **meikey:** suck my fucking cock tre 

 **brdeno:** welp im going home i have fuck all else to do(apart from dallon wink wink nudge nudge)  
and remember kids  
michigan is the powerhouse of the cell

 **fallon:** im divorcing u </3

 **brdeno:** i want custard of the children

 **supermike:** 'custard of the children' 

 **coolio:** delicious 

 **frabj:** trE NO 


	25. merry crisis and a happy newfangledness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry (late) christmas to all of you who celebrate it this is terrible and a complete mess  
> This was supposed to be posted a few days ago but my laptop was having none of it

**supermike:** merry crisis u gays  
*chrysler   
what the actual fuck  
merry christmas

 **PUBE:** yea merry crisis to u too mike   
but why are u up at 2am

 **supermike:** its christmas ray i am an excited child

 **brdeno:** fuck u guys i was acryally asleep for once

 **PUBE:** put ur phone on silent then brendon smh 

 **brdeno:** my phone is on silent  
dallons isnt tho 

 **PUBE:** whys dallons phone at ur house tho

 **brdeno:** bc dallons here too?

 **supermike:** and why  dallon at urs  
wait nvm dont answer that

 **fallon:** we were doing the sex ;)))  
also brendon threw a pillwo at me and woke me up so hi

 **frabj:** guys go to sleep or santa wont come   
im waking gerard up

 **gerd:** tell me  
why are we awake at ass oclock again

 **brdeno:** i didnt know ass oclock was a time gerard

 **supermike:** its always ass oclock here  
u know  
bc we're all gay  
well idk about tre mikey and ray but the rest of us are

 **brdeno:** mikeys deifinitely gay for pete wentz  
wait is he eveb awake

 **gerd:** no ist all good

 **PUBE:** my phones on silent but i can still tell when ur all being idiots

 **frabj:** ty ray

 **PUBE:** its not a complimet   
also petition to change the am hours to ass o'clock 

 **fallon:** whats the time?   
oh its ass o cock   
fuCK *CLOCK THAT WASNT EVEN INTENOnal oH mY GoD

 **supermike:** 'intenonal' 

 **meikey:** gerad hissed trying no tot laugh loud and now im awake  
whats going on u gays  
i am nOT FUCKING GAY FOR PETE WENTZ WHATS WRONG WITH U ALL

 

 **\- meikey** left **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **brdeno:** here we go again smh :/

 

 **\- gerd** added **meikey** to **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **gerd:** mikey will u fucking behave urself ur embarrassing me in front of my colleagues 

 **PUBE:** when u have no friends so u call ppl ur 'colleagues'   
same gerard same

 **frabj:** ray leave him alone :( 

 **coolio:** hello i have arisen also im sad bc my advent calendar has no chocolate left :'(

 **brdeno:** i ate all mine in august 

 **gerd:** brendon why did u have an advent calendar in august

 **brdeno:** for science gerard for science 

 **meikey:** we seem to do an awful lot "for science" in this chat 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i started the science  
wai t that makes it sound like i invented science 

 **fallon:** blowjob gaystrong - inventor of science   
also  
anyone wanna hang out later after all the family shits over  
bc as much as i love them ic annot spend all fukvijng day with them

 **gerd:** yea me and frabk can

**coolio set the nickname for frabj to frabk**

**frabk:** gerard i dont appreciate u making my lice choices foe me  
and tre i dont aprpeciate u chnaging my nickname -.-

 **gerd:** lice choices  
sorry im controlling ur lice :/

 **fallon:** mice  
mous  
tom and jerry 

 **meikey:** can u fucktards go to sleep pls  
santa wont come if ur awake

 **brdeno:** hm thats funny i can only come when im awake

 **supermike:** brENDON NO

 **blowjob gaystrong:** as much as i love the general ass-ness and stupdisity of everyone here  
i am v v v tired and am going to sleep

 **coolio:** yea its late asf and i want santa to come so night u gays 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** merry crisis and a happy newfangledness

 **supermike:** im callinh theh policde

 **fallon:** they dony listen to iterlilerates sorry mike :/


	26. tywin lannister is daddy asf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out my new story "Ghost" if ya want :)

**supermike:** guys guys guys guys guys guys guys

 **meikey:** what 

 **supermike:** mine and billies new history teacher is called mr lassnier  
we chose to cal him mr lannister 

 **brdeno:** ooh which lannister is he??  
i hope jaime   
jaimes hot 

 **fallon:** u M excUSE ME?  
i much prefer lancel 

 **brdeno:** fuck lancel

 **fallon:** exactly brendon ;)

 **blowjob gaystrong:** im not sure whats going on but stop  
also hes old hes definitely tywin 

 **coolio:** hes pretty fine too   
tywin lannister is daddy asf

 **PUBE:** what a nice way to start the day :)

 **frabk:** so tywin lannister is ur new history teacher  
good to know  
in other news

 **coolio:** frank no this is not helpful information

 **frabk:**  ppl still ship tre and t he prinicpal and thers now erotic fan art of them 

**_frabk sent  a photo to gerard lord of the changelings_ **

**fallon:** wow the principal is HUNG 

 **brdeno:** im leaving u  
go and fuck the  principal if it makes u happy :(

 **fallon:** go and fuck jaime lannister 

 **brdeno:** go and fuck lancel lannister

 **fallon:** k byeee

 

 **\- fallon** left **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **coolio:** that picture is obvious;y wrong  
my dick is way bigger than the principals 

 **brdeno:** mt beloved has left me for a fictional character :'(

 **blowjob gaystrong:** 'mt beloved' 

 **frabk:** mount beloved  
population: brendon and dallon

 **supermike:** and lancel lannister 

 **brdeno:** I WILL SHOVE LANCEL LANNISTER UP UR ASSHOLE MICHAEL 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** um brendon only i have Parmesan to shove things up mikes ass :/  
*parmesan  
*parental  
i fucking give up what is this fuckery

 **gerd:** E X P O S E D  
billie shoves parmesan cheese up mikes ass 

 **supermike:** pls bby ;)

 **frabk:** NO FLIRTING WITH BAE  
BAD MIKE 

 

 **\- frabk** removed **supermike** from **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **coolio:** im rlly hungry i could go for some cheese rn

 **PUBE:** its up mikes ass

 **coolio:** well u know where i'll be ;)

 **meikey:** trE NO WTF GET OUT OF MIKES ASS

 **blowjob gaystrong:** can we stop talking about mikes ass now pls 

 **PUBE:** we can  
also can someone change my nickname this is dumb

 

 **\- coolio**  changed **PUBE's**  nickname **to fro daddy**

 

 **fro daddy:** trE NO 

 **meikey:** and ppl wonder why we're all failing high school

 

 **\- brdeno** added **fallon** to **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **frabk:** oh dallon ur back  
did u fuck lancel lannister 

 **fallon:** no frank i didnt fuck lancel lannister bc hes not real

 **gerd:** but u would fuck lancel lannister if he was real?

 **fallon:** oh yea definitely 

 **brdeno:** well id fuck jaime lannister any day  
kingslayer more like ASS slayer amirite 

 **coolio:** no one mentions tywin???  
i would totally fuck tywin lannister 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** trE NO 

 **coolio:** thats the 3rd time ive been told no in the past 3 minites   
im not allowed to go in mikes ass for the parmesan cheese that billie shoved up there  
im not allowed to change rays name to a name that fits him very well  
im not even allowed to fuck tywin lannister who is in fact my daddy  
what am i allowed to do

 **meikey:** ur allowed to shut tthe fuck up  
actually i encourage it

 **coolio:** the disrespect 

 **fallon:** this is stressful im adding mike back

 

 **\- fallon** added **supermike** to **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** welcome back dearly beloved welcome back

 **supermike:** i see thinsg got even weirder when i left  
and there isnt any cheese up my ass wtf

 **gerd:** allthis talk of the lannister men is confusing 

 **frabk:** how come no one mesntion tyrion 

 **coolio:** eh hes no tywin

 **meikey:** tre stop talking about tywin lannister 

 **brdeno:** cmon guys jaimes where its at

 **fallon:** u misspelled lancel  
l a n c e l

 **brdeno:** dallon ur in no position to be telling anyoen how to spell  
u know  
on accoutn of u being illiterate and all

 **fallon:** for the last fucuking time brendon   
i am not instrumental 

 **frabk:** yea bren hes not instrumental jfc :/

 **gerd:** frank dont get involbed in their hostilities 

 **fro daddy:** dallon how tf do u keep misspelling illiterate wheN TS CLEARKY WRITTEN RUGHT THRERE

 **brdeno:** dont attack my man billie how dare u

 **fallon:** excuse me brendon lancel lannister is my man

 **brdeno:** o H  
WELL THEN  
I GUESS IM NOT GOOD ENIUYYGH

 **fro daddy:** guys pls dont have a(nother) domestic over lancel fucking lannister  
i mean tywin is obviously more worth the effort 

 **meikey:** shuT THE FUCK UP ABOUT TYWIN LANNISTER JFC 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** NOW U KNOW HOW WE FELT ABOUT HARRY TRUMAN

 **meikey:** LEAVE HARRY TRUMAN OUT OF THIS BILLIE I SWEAR TO GOD


	27. whats eating billie joe armstrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess. A big, horrid mess. But i Had to update so...

**blowjob gaystrong:** i can never enter biology again  
i can never enter this school again  
im going to change my name and move far away  
i'll become an isolated sheep herder in iceland

 **fro daddy:** why whaat th hell did u do this time

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i said bird cage instead of rib cage  
do u know what this means

 **meikey:** that ur a fucking idiot

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** removed **meikey** from  **gerard lord of the changelings**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** hostility and negativity aside  
i can never show my face around here again  
so i guess this is goodbye

 **gerd:** k bye

 **blowjob gaystrong:** are u not sad???

 **gerd:** u ate my fucking cereal  
of course im not sad

 

 **\- fallon** renamed the group **bird cage**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** daLLON   
the DISRESPECT 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** left **bird cage**

 

 **supermike:** yoo billie just packed his shit and left   
kicked a chair over   
hang on he wants me to add him back

 

 **\- supermike** added **blowjob gaystrong** to **bird cage**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i didnt kick the chair  
i tripped over it  
bye again

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** left **bird cage**

 

 **brdeno:** whats wrong with him

 **supermike:** he called his rib cage a bird cage and embarrassed himself in front of 20+ kids that hate him  
then got lightly roasted by mikey and gerard said he isnst sad  
then tripped over a chair on his way out

 **coolio:** its enough to drive anyone insane 

 **gerd:** its really not   
he just  throwing a tantrum 

 **fro daddy:** ur just in a mood bc he ate ur cereal

 **gerd:** it waS MY FUCKING CEREAL RAY 

 **supermike:** text from bj:  
"i know u fuckers are roasting me in the chat"

 **brdeno:** jfc whats eating him

 **fallon:** whats eating gilbert grape  
more like whats eating billie joe armstrong 

 

 **\- fro daddy** renamed the group **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **frabk:** hi i was in the principals office what did i miss

 **coolio:** just bj tjrowing a bitch fit

 **frabk:** ah  
i see

 

 **\- frabk** added **blowjob gaystrong** to **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **supermike:** billieeeee   
u returned from the war

 **blowjob gaystrong:** fucking bird cages and rib cages causing drama

 **frabk:** i agree

 **gerd:** ill make peaches with u if u promise to never eat my cereal again ever   
peaches  
peace 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** no ty i'll pass i dont wanna make peaches with u 

 **gerd:** bILLIE  
I MEANT PEACE

 **blowjob gaystrong:** ugh fine

 **fallon:** now the drama over  
im bored 

 **fro daddy:** lmao is anyobe gonna add mikey back

 **gerd:** oops i forgot about him

 **supermike:** gerard how tf can u forget about ur brother

 

 **\- gerd** added **meikey** to **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **gerd:** we'll hear no more of it michael

 **brdeno:** guys guys guys  
fuck marry kill out of me mikey and tre 

 **meikey:** did this turn into a sleepover while iw as gone

 **brdeno:** yes

 **frabk:** i would definitely kill u bren  
and probably marry mikey bc he makes sensible life choices  
like if i married tre i would end up dead or in jail  
so i guess i'd fuck tre

 **gerd:** id have to kill mikey bc hes my brother and im not fucking or marryig him  
id fuck brendon bc i couldnt deal with being marreid to him  
and id marry tre and have grapefruit children called jebediah 

 **coolio:** good choice good choice 

 **supermike:** fuck marry kill  
me billie and dallon

 **blowjob gaystrong:** id kill myself  
fuck dallon  
ad marry u <3

 **brdeno:** no ones fucking dallon aparr from me

 **fro daddy:** fuck marry kill out of harry truman tywin lannister and the pricipal

 **meikey:** i for one would fuck harry truman

 **gerd:** why doesnt that surprise me

 **fallon:** id fuck tywin  
kill harry truman  
and marry the principal

 **coolio:** the pricipal is MIKE dallon  
*MINE

 **supermike:** im the principal guys  
detention tre off u fuck 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong**  changed **supermike's**  nickname to **principal mike**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** u know im into authority figures michael ;))

 **brdeno:** oH MY GOD BILLIE SHUT UP 

 **meikey:** wtf is this 

 **coolio:** exposed  
billie wants to fuck the principal 

 **principal mike:** ofc he does tre  
im the princpal 

 **fro daddy:** whats ur first move as principal mike

 **principal mike:** im expelling dallon bc hes illiterate 

 **fallon:** im not illiterate ffs 

 **brdeno:** WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY  
DALLON SPELLED ILLITERATE RIGHT???

 **gerd:** THERE SINGING IN THE STREETS  
AND DANCING IN THE SKY

 **meikey:** what

 **frabk:** REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE  
DALLON ISNT ILLITERATE 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

 **coolio:** THE GODS HEARD OUR PRAYERS AND CURED HIM OF HIS ILLITERATE   
DALLON HOW DO U FELL ON THE GRLORIOUS DAY

 **fallon:** ha u guys are dumb  
i copied and pasted   
i dont know how to spell ilietalrelte 


	28. otp: frank iero/italian mafia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the squad falls apart: pt 1

**\- Tré Cool**  added **Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero, Brendon Urie, and Dallon Weekes** to  **heLP**

 

 **Tré Cool:** i know its 5am and i know ur all probably hungover and/or asleep buT I NEED HELP   
ITS SERIOUS   
guys  
gUYS  
GUYS FUCKING WAKE UP

 **Ray Toro:** oh my GOD tre what  
why is there another group? did u delete the old one

 **Tré Cool:** no  
but billie and mike are in the other one

 **Ray Toro:** yea and??????

 **Tré Cool:** they cant know about this 

 **Mikey Way:** rad party last nigh guys   
i woke up in a tutu   
also tre whats up

 **Brendon Urie:** d y i n g  
i cant even remember what happened 

 **Mikey Way:** yea u were completery fucked lmao  
and i think dallon might have ate a whole tub of flour 

 **Dallon Weekes:** i did 

 **Gerard Way:** ha dallons a flour child

 **Brendon Urie:** flour child flour child flour child

 

 **\- Brendon Urie**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **flour child**

 

 **Ray Toro:** flour power

 **Tré Cool:** guys

 **Frank Iero:** whys there a new chat

 **Tré Cool:** im getting to that  
if u fuckwits will listen for 5 minuets

 

 **flour child**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **beebo**

 

 **beebo:** dallon no

 **flour child:** dallon yes

 **Tré Cool:** gUYS PLS

 **Gerard Way:** guys tre wants to speak

 **Tré Cool:** ty gerard   
anyhoo  
i did soemthing last night 

 **Frank Iero:** consumed a lot of alcohol  
sang we are number one   
pissed in the fish tank  
climbed in the bin and refused to come out

 **beebo:** ha bin boy

 

 **\- beebo**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **bin boy**

 

 **bin boy:** o h m Y G O D   
WILL U ASSHATS FUCIKING LISTENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 **Ray Toro:** cmon guys lets LISTENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 **Mikey Way:** tre it cant be that serious   
like  
we alldid a loy of weird shit lats night

 **bin boy:** no u dont understanr  
i did something rlly messed up and evil  
and im a terrble person 

 **flour child:** uve always been a terrrible person tre   
u have to be slightly terrible to b part of thus squad

 **bin boy:** no no no no u dont understanr  
i fucked mike

 **Frank Iero:** oH

 **Gerard Way:** OH 

 **Ray Toro:** i would say trE NO   
but this sounds pretttty serious 

 **beebo:** tre hate to break it to u buddy but mikes w/ billie 

 **bin boy:** i know that brendon u actual piece of fucking lemon

 **Ray Toro:** "i know that brendon u actual piece of fucking lemon" tre cool 2016

 **Mikey Way:** um ray its 2017 now

 **Ray Toro:** sorry lemme fix that  
"i know that brendon u actual piece of fucking lemon" - tre cool 2017 

 **flour child:** shouldnr we be focusig on the fact that tRE FUCKED MIKE??

 **Gerard Way:** we should  
tre why the fuck did u do the do with mike when u know hes w/ bj

 **bin boy:** alcohol was involved  
we were both VERY drunk  
i can barely remember it but there was definitely sex 

 **beebo:** well does mike remember?

 

 **\- Mikey Way**  added **Mike Dirnt** to **heLP**

 

 **bin boy:** mIKEY WHAT TTHE ACTUAL FUCK WHATS IS WRONG WITH U 

 **Gerard Way:** ususlaly this would be hilarious but miKEY WHAT THE FUCKKK

**Mike Dirnt left heLP**

**Ray Toro:** he left the group uncomfortably fast 

 **flour child:** ur point being??

 **Ray Toro:** well he didnt ahve time toread all the messages  
so  
that means he left bc he remembers

 **Frank Iero:** or or or   
mayb he left bc he has to get rid of his phoen bc the italian mafia is tracking him through his phone

 **beebo:** frank in what world would that be a realistic thing

 **Frank Iero:** it happebed to me once

 **Mikey Way:** ha i remember that   
good times good times

 **Frank Iero:** mikey  
the italian mafia does not fuck around

 **Gerard Way:** frank talking like he personally knows the italian mafia 

 **Frank Iero:** they tracked me through my phone gerard ofc i personally konow them  
we're practically besties 

 **flour child:** otp: frank iero/italian mafia 

 **beebo:** what about tre/principal 

 **Mikey Way:** or... or  
tre/mike

 **Ray Toro:** MICHAEL JAMES WAY GO TO UR ROOM

 **Mikey Way:** i am in my room mom

 **Ray Toro:** then go to gerards room

 **Gerard Way:** no pls dont 

 **flour child:** mikey we have the same middle name

 **Mikey Way:** ayyy

 **flour child:** ayyy

 **bin boy:** ARE U DICKFUCKS THAT STUPID??  
I FUCKED MY BEST FRIEND WHO JUST SO HAPPENSS TO BE MY OTHER BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND   
BUT NONE OF U WANKSTAINS WILL FUCKING HELP  
AL L U CARE ABOUT IS THE ITALIAN MAFIA AND MIKEY AND DALLON SHARING A MIDDLE NAME

 **Frank Iero:** hey:(((  
i thought i was ur best friend :(

 **bin boy:** i fuckiujng giVE UPPPP cyuoiejfihjbdhvHAGFSCdrfvgsbhnjkln\ihbVUGCFXdiygeo[

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **Mikey Way** from **heLP**

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **Frank Iero** from **heLP  
**

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **Gerard Way** from **heLP**

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **Ray Toro** from **heLP**

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **flour child** from **heLP**

 

 **\- bin boy** removed **beebo** from **heLP**

 

 **\- bin boy** left **heLP**


	29. things go from insanely horrible to even more insanely horrible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the squad falls apart: pt 2

**blowjob gaystrong:** mike u lil shit i know ur seeing my messages   
fuckin reply 

 

 **\- principal mike** left **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** guys help  
what tf is up with mike

 **fallon:** what do u mean bj we havent noticed anything up with him

 **fro daddy:** dallon pls

 **blowjob gaystrong:** well like after the party he was just gone and said he spent the night at tres   
but like hes not in class and he wont repkly to messages for some reason

 **brdeno:** hm idk why like we dont know anything  
why would we know anything and not tell u   
ur our friend ofc we woudl tell u something 

 **frabk:** brendon just shut up

 **blowjob gaystrong:** oh fuck whtat if i did something dumb when i was drunk  
pls tell me one of u kept an eye on me

 **meikey:** tre pm me 

 **coolio:** no

 **meikey:** fucking do as ur told u little shit

 **fro daddy:** this is a trainwreck   
b y e 

 

 **\- fro daddy** left **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** why do i get the feeling u fuckers know more than ur letting on

 **frabk:** lmao no why would we know 

 **gerd:** what frank said  
we dont know shit

 **blowjob gaystrong:** u guys are horrendous at lying but whatevs  
if u all wanna be fucking stupid ass fuckasses then go ahead   
fuck u all

 **brdeno:** whoa whOA W H O A  
hostile much bj 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** what do u fucking exoect brendon   
somethinsg wrong with mike and none of u will tell me what  
hes the fucking love of my life i cant picture myself without him and now its all fucked up and none of u wil tell me what happened  
i would die for that boy i stg i love him so fucking much 

 **fallon:** o shit bj used boy instead of boi this is serious

 **gerd:** ofc its fucking serious dallon were u not in tres new group????

 **blowjob gaystrong:** wait what  
what group

 **gerd:** what  
no one said group  
i d idnt say group   
w h a t

 **fallon:** congratulations gerard ur officially a fuCKING EGG

 **gerd:** at least eggs get laid 

 **meikey:** o shIT DALLON JUST GOT FUCKING REKT

 **frabk:** dallon m8  
u could literally get set on fire and thrown into a pool of lava but it still wouldnt burn as much as what gerard just said 

 **fallon:** honsestlly i am so hurt rn 

 

 **\- fallon** left **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **brdeno:** mikes gone  
rays gone  
and now dallons gone

 **blowjob gaystrong:** u wilL ALL BE FUCKING GONE IN A MINUTE IF NO ONE FUCKIJNG TELLS ME WHATS GOING ON 

 **meikey:** tre

 **coolio:** bj did u mean all that about mike

 **blowjob gaystrong:** ofc i did  
i cannot physically express how much he means to me  
like  
i see him evertday and i talk to him almots constantly and now he wont even fuckinh ackknwledge my existance and it hurts so much  
but i still love him more than ive ever loved anyone or anything ever   
and anyone who comes between us will fucking regret being born i stg

 **coolio:** oh

 

 **\- coolio** left **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **meikey:** oh my god  
i cant deal rn  
too much drama

 **gerd:** damn even the drama enthusiast cant handel this much drama

 **brdeno:** this episode of group chat  
things go from insanely horrible to even more insanely horrible 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** wHY WONT ANYONE FUCKING TELL ME STRAIGHT WHATS HAPPENING

 **frabk:** bc ur not straigt billie

 **blowjob gaystrong:** FRANK WHEN I GET HOLD OF U I WILL FUCKING SHOVE A PINEAPPLE UP UR ASSHOLE

 **frabk:** o H

 **meikey:** im sad to say it boyz   
but theres only one way to settle thus

 

 **\- meikey** added **coolio** to **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **meikey:** tre just fucking get it over with and maybe u will live to see ur next birtdhay 

 **coolio:** kms

 **blowjob gaystrong:** what??????  
tre what did u do

 **coolio:** well there wa sthis incident last nigth  
and i know im a terrible disgusting horrible fucking scumbag but  
me and mike had drunk sex and he remembers which is why he wont talk to u 

 **brdneo:** hes not responding thats worrying 

 **frabk:** i can see into his class  
hes sort of dazed looking  
staring at his phone 

 **meikey:** frank stop sraring at him

 **frabk:** special agent frank doing the sneaky sneak  
he locked his phone  
o shit

 **coolio:** omf what  
what have i caused now

 **frabk:** he threw his phone at he wall and walked out   
oh  
oh no  
oh my god no 

 **brdeno:**??

 **gerd:** what 

 **coolio:** frank whAT HE DOING

 **frabk:** hes crying tre  
u made billie cry   
o dear lord this isnt just regular crying fuCK   
hes fucking full on sobbing right there in the hall  
he saw me abort mission abORT MISSION 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** left **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **coolio:** kill me  
just fuckigbn anhiliat e me

 **gerd:** now tre is not the end of the world  
maybe the end of ur friendship with billie and mike

 **meikey:** gerard ur not helping

 **gerd:** shut up mikey yes i am

 **coolio:** no gerard ur rlly not 

 **gerd:** rood

 

 **\- meikey** added **fro daddy** to **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **\- meikey** added **fallon** to **whats eating billie joe armstrong**

 

 **meikey:** shows over folks  
tre told billie  
billie cried and left the groupo  
we're all gonne die

 **frabk:** um shouldtt we like chaneg the group name 

 

 **\- fallon** renamed the group **rip billie/mike 2016-2017**

 

 **brdeno:** dalLON NO 

 **coolio:** althogh this is a horrible day that wil haunt me for the rest of the afterlife   
its nice to see someone else being told no 


	30. mikey the fence fucker to the rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise the drama will end soon

**brdeno:** update on the billie/mike/tre clusterfuck: everyone is screaming and fighting and i made the mistaek of telling billie to calm down

 **gerd:** yea no u should never tell bj to calm down  
it just makes him even madder 

 **brdeno:** fuckin tell me about it i never knew somoen so smol could be so E V I L

 **fro daddy:** hes 5 feet of anger and demonic wrath 

 **frabk:** yea billies basically a gremlin 

 **meikey:** brendon what are u even doing getting in the middle of the clusterfuck thats dangerous u could get hurt

 **brdeno:** i did get hurt  
billie hit me with a chair

 **fallon:** gonna kick that boys ass >:(

 **meikey:** dallon pls dont make th8ngs worse   
*things

 

 **\- gerd** renamed the group **th8ngs**

 

 **meikey:** gerad fuck off 

 

 **\- frabk**  changed **gerd's**  nickname to **gerad**

 

 **coolio:** frank i will HANG u

 **frabk:** :0

 **coolio:** u were the one who said talkig to bilie and mike would fix things   
now my nose is broken mike has no shirt or shoes and billies head is stuck through the window 

 **meikey:** o dear  
this needs to be sorted out like rn  
i will handle 

 **fallon:** mikey noah fence but u literally make everything 10x worse when u "help"

 **meikey:** i take a fence

 **brdeno:** mikey u cannot just take fences put it back

 **frabk:** mikey the fence stealer

 **brdeno:** mikey the fence fucker

 **frabk:** feNCEFUCKER 

 

 **\- frabk**  changed **meikey's**  nickname to **fencefucker**

 

 **fencefucker:** omf wiLL U GUYS FUCKING STOP JFC CAN WE NOT HAVE A MATURE FUCKING DISCUSSION FOR 5 MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS 

 **fallon:** no

 

 **\- fencefucker** changed their own nickname to **mikey**

 

 **mikey:** fuckong stop

 **brdeno:** fuckong

 **coolio:** as muchg as i love t when we all act  like asses  
this does need to be sortred before billie and mike murder each  other

 **mikey:** just leave it to me 

 **frabk:** whoa watch out  
mikey the fence fucker to the rescue 

 **mikey:** frANK STOP  
imma need u all to leave for a few  
apart form tre  
i ned him

 **gerd:** um no???

 **mikey:** um yes???

 

 **\- mikey** removed **gerd** from **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** removed **frabk** from **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** removed **fro daddy** from **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** removed **fallon** from **th8ngs**

**\- mikey** removed **brdeno** from **th8ngs**

 

 **mikey:** tre are u ready for this  
ngl there will prbably be a L O T of shouting/swearing/insulting

 **coolio:** no im not rready mikey dont do it

 **mikey:** keep calm and remember ur training

 **coolio:** my what

 **mikey:** ur training tre remember it

 **coolio:** ic ant renemebr it wtf 

 **mikey:** uGH FFS TRE U HAD ONE JOB  
lmao jk jk   
but seriously are u ready

 **coolio:** no

 **mikey:** gr8 lets get to it

 

 **\- mikey** added **blowjob gaystrong** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **principal mike** to **th8ngs**

 

 **mikey:** i would like to welcome u all here today to this lovely griup chat  
i am ur host mikeyway but u can jus call me mikey   
there seem to be an issue with relationships/boyfriends/drunk sex and i am here to fix things :)

 **blowjob gaystrong:** thers nothing to fix im done with both mike and tre

 **coolio:** billie pls before u flip out and leave im sorry 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** o ur sorry???? 

 **coolio:** im really sorry i didnt wanna come between u and mike ur like my otp 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** tre listen closely  
u saying sorry for fucking my boyfriend  
is basically the same as when u crashed that stolen truck into my house

 **coolio:**??

 **blowjob gaystrong:** u knocked an entire wall down and tried to tape it together  
what im sayng is  
IT DOESNT FUCKING FIX THINGS

 **principal mike:** can i speak 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** no mike fuck off i dont wanna talk to u 

 **mikey:** guys pls

 **principal mike:** what happeed between me and tre doesnt mean anything

 **coolio:** exactly   
thers no love or anything  
just a lot of alcohol and meaningless sex

 **principal mike:** billie i legit love u like forreal   
i dont love tre we were just v drunk

 **blowjob gaystrong:** idgaf ur both shitheads   
mike im done go fuck tre if u want i dont love u anymore   
tre ur not my fren anymore   
byeee

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong** left **th8ngs**

 

 **principal mike:** wow this is fun  
hahaHA pls end my fucking life

 **mikey:** mike there plenty of fish in the sea

 **principal mike:** i dont want fish mikey i want billie but ig i fucked that up fo rgood now 

 **coolio:** imma just erase myself from existence 

**coolio left th8ngs**

**mikey:** oh my god this is a mess

 **principal mike:** am i still part of the squad  
even tho im literal trash 

 **mikey:** mike we are all literal trash here ofc ur still part of the squad  
so is tre and so is billie  
we'll get over this 

 **principal mike:** i donr think we will

 

 **\- mikey** added **gerad** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **frabk** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **fro daddy** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **brdeno** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **fallon** to **th8ngs**

 

 **\- mikey** added **coolio** to **th8ngs**

 

 **fallon:** so how did it go

 **principal mike:** horribly 

 **fallon:** gr8 :)

 **brdeno:** dallon...

 **gerad:** someone should message bj 

 **frabk:** bugsy not messaging the gremlin 

 **fro daddy:** frank dont be fucking rude 

 **fallon:** imma be sneaky sneak and go hang round  with bj  
fake that im not frens with u guys anymore so i can fix this mess  
from now on we are not friends okay

 **brdeno:** wair can we still have sex

 **fallon:** obvioulsy 

 **brdeno:** aw yisssssss


	31. STOP THE ITALIANS 2K17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't been around lately but I'm back and ready to update!!!!

**fallon:** okayyy so u guys know there was a talent show right????

 **fro daddy:** no what

 **gerad:** what talebt show

 **fallon:** smh  
there was a talon show right  
*taletn show

 **brdeno:** talon show more like dallon show amirite 

 

 **\- frabk** renamed the group **the dallon show**

 

 **fallon:** ooh the dallon show  
is it a reality shwo??

 **mikey:** yea the camera dudes basically follow u around while u battle ur illiterateness 

 **fallon:** o that sounds FUN im a reality star 

 **coolio:** in other news: me and mike made a pact

 **gerad:** um should u 2 be doing anything together after the drama this has caused

 **principal mike:** shut up gerard  
me and tre made a pact to not mention  _him_ until he wants to see us

 **brdeno:** ooh wait whos  _him_

 **fallon:**  how are u guys doing the italics 

 **principal mike:** _its a secret_

 **brdeno:** _only us magic folk can do it ;)_ _  
_

**frabk:** _its not hard dallon  
_ _wait wait wait does this have something do with ur illiterateness_

 **fallon:**  omf stOP THE ITALIANS   
ITALICS 

 **fro daddy:** STOP THE ITALIANS 2K17

 **mikey:** what are the italins doing now

 **brdeno:** tracking frank through his phoen again

 **frabk:** 0/10 bad joke brendon 

 

 **\- principal mike** renamed the group **fucking pay attention u little fuckers**

 

 **principal mike:** now i have ur attention  
_him_ starts with b and ends in e 

 **mikey:** banshee 

 **coolio:** yes mikey we're not allowed to mention the banshee until he wants to see us 

 **gerad:** u just mention him tho tre 

 **fro daddy:** i didnt know there was a banshee in the school

 **fallon:** whta the hell is a banshee 

 **frabk:** shh dallon we're not allwoed to talk about it 

 **dallon:** o right sorry :/

 **principal mike:** no guys its not a banshee

 **frabk:** bondage startes with b and ends in e

 **coolio:** we're definietl not allwoe to talk about bondage no 

 **principal mike:** oh ffs we're not mentioning BILLIE until he actually wants to see us which will probably be never but hey whatever my heart is already broken 

 **brdeno:** i didnt know u had a hearse mike  
sorry i read heart as hearse let me exit 

 **fro daddy:** mike u just mentioned billie tho

 **frabk:** ray ffs stop talkig aboutbillie its upsetting mike and tre

 **gerad:** shut tf up about billie hes not even in the group its rude to talk about people when theyre not here

 **frabk:** its also rude to tell people to shut tf up gerard :/

 **mikey:** wait dallon what were u saying about a talent show???

 **fallon:** O RITE I FORGOT  
anyway  
there was a talent show that none of u went to bc u didnt know it existed  
but i went and guess what fuckign happened

 **brdeno:** the ceiling collapsed and everybody died

 **fallon:** yes brendon everybody died including me i am now a ghost

 **brdeno:** oh rad

 **fallon:** but forreal geuss what happened 

 **coolio:** none of us were there how would we know

 **fallon:** fine ill tell u  
billie grabbed the microphone and yelled "this is a public service announcement: mike dirnts a dirty whore" and then scuttled away

 **frabk:** scuttled   
i wasnt aware he was a mouse

 **fallon:** my english teacher told me to use more impregnated words 

 **fro daddy:** 'impregnate' dallon are u sure u dont mean imaginative 

 **principal mike:** okay u know what I AM FUCKING DONE TRYNNG TO BE NICE IM GONNA FUCKING E N D THAT LITTLE BASTARD 

 **brdeno:** dallon why did u say anthubg look what u caused

 **mikey:** actually i believe mike and tre caused this by drunkenly hooking up

 **coolio:** miKEY GO SUCK A FUCKING COCK I STG

 **principal mike:** TOMORROW BILLIE DIES 

 **brdeno:** YEAAA

 **gerad:** brendon why are u cheering this isnt billies fault

 **coolio:** but billie is making it way worse than it has to be

 **gerad:** in all fairness u did fuck his boyrfriend tre :/

 **coolio:** oh really thank u for telling me that gerard i fucking forgot in the 5 minutes since someone last mentioned it

 **mikey:** tre noah fence but u dont need to be a dick about this

 **principal mike:** neitehr do u mikey 

 **fro daddy:** the squad is falling 

 **coolio:** the squad is B R O K E N 

 **brdeno:** *gasp*

 **fallon:** *also gasp*

 **frabk:** *doesnt gasp bc i have seen the horrors of this world i have seen the heartache and the pain and the loss i know exactly how this vicious world works i have seen this all before* 

 **mikey:** frank what the fuck 


	32. nuggetmares

**mikey:** im dONE I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANY LONGER I JUST GOT CAUGHT IN MIDDLE OF BILLIE/MIKE/TRE WW3 SHIT 

 **frabk:** malcolm in the middle more like mikey in the middle ayyyy

 

 **\- coolio** renamed the group **mikey in the middle**

 

 **fro daddy:** wait what

 **mikey:** basically right i tried to talk to billie to see if hes willing to be frens w/ mike+tre again 

 **gerad:** thats a bad idea already  
u know how bj gets

 **mikey:** no gerard thats not the bad thing bc billie saID YES HE MIGHT BE FRENS W/ THEM AGAIN AS LONG AS EVERYONE STOPS BEING JACKASSES   
HURRAH I SOLVED IN GO ME

 **fallon:** hey im supposed to be solbing it wtf mikey dont stealy my glands   
*glory   
soryr i cannot spell rn 

 **frabk:** gosh mikey give dallon his glands back :/

 **mikey:** never   
they mine now

 **brdeno:** glands and shit aside  
BILLIE IS WILLING TO MAKE UP WITH TRIKE??

 **coolio:** brendon what the hell is trike

 **brdeno:** u and mikes ship name duhh

 **principal mike:** brendon pls dont   
me and tre are not a couple 

 **fallon:** anyway   
mikey is everything fixed now??

 **mikey:** HA i wish  
after billie said he would make up w/ everyone mike just so happeend to turn up and everything went to hell and they started fighting  
billie literally yelled "CASH ME OUSSIDE HOWBOW DAH"  
and tre got involved and i was stuck in the middle itw as terrifying i have nughtmares about it to this day

 **brdeno:** nughtmares

 **fro daddy:** nuggetmares

 **coolio:** NUGGETMARES

 

 **\- gerad** renamed the group **nuggetmares**

 

 **frabk:** gosh yea those nuggets can be pretty darn scary :/

 **principal mike:** 'gosh' and 'darn' frank are u okay

 **frabk:** i am a good christian boy i do not use foul language 

 **gerad:** if ur a good christian boy then im a walrus 

 **frank:** suck my fucking cock gerard 

 **gerad:** gladly ;))

 

 **\- mikey**  changed **gerad's**  nickname to **walrus**

 

 **walrus:** mkEIY I STG

 **fallon:** 'mkeiy' what is this 

 

 **\- coolio**  changed **mikey's**  nickname to **mkeiy**

 

 **principal mike:** and they say dallon is illiterate 

 **fallon:** i put the lit in illiterate   
i copied and pasted btw dot get too ecited 

 

 **\- brdeno**  changed **fallon's**  nickname to **ilLITerate**

 

 **ilLITerate:** breadbin no   
breadbin what  
no what i didnt even say breadbin 

 

 **\- frabk**  changed **brdeno's**  nickname to **breadbin**

 

 **ilLITerate:** i didnt say breadbin whaT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING   
BREADBIN  
b r e n d o n

 **walrus:** petition to change gerards nickname 2k17

 **principal mike:** ur prayers have been answered 

 

 **\- principal mike**  changed **walrus's**  nickname to **gayrard**

 

 **gayrard:** i had something a little better in mind but hey whatever gayrard it is

 **coolio:** i like coolio  
its short and simple and everyone knows who i am

 

 **\- fro daddy**  changed **coolio's**  nickname to **who this???**

 

 **ilLITerate:** tay what the actual fuck are u doing  
ray

 

 **\- who this???**  changed **fro daddy's**  nickname to **tay**

 

 **tay:** no tre wtf 

 

 **\- tay**  changed **who this???'s**  nickname **to tre more like GAYY**

 

 **tre more like GAYY:** ah finally a nickname that represednt who i realy am ty ray ty 

 **principal mike:** ah.. everythinsg finally abck to normal 

 **gayrard:** does anyone else feel bad for billie  
like  
he doesnt have any friends other than us and now he cant hang out with us 

 **tre more like GAYY:** nope  
dont feel bad at all  
he hit me like 4098 times earlier

 **gayrard:** u kinda deserve that tho

 **principal mike:** gerard pls stop defending the gremlin he brings nothing but unhappiness to the group 

 **gayrard:** DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE MIKE AND TRE ARE BEING UNNECCESSARILY MEAN TO BILLIE OR IS IT ME

 **frabk:** i think its just you  
like i mean  
billies being a dick about this too so 

 **gayrard:** AND WHY IS BILLIE BEING A DICk???   
OH YEA  
BECAUSE MIKE WHO WAS BILLIES BOYFRIEND AND BEST FRIEND HAD SEX WITH TRE WHO WAS BILLIES OTEHR BEST FRIEND   
HE HAS EVERY FUCKING RIGHT TO BE PISSED I KNOW I WOUDL

 **frabk:** jfc go fuck billie then if u care about him so much smh

 **mkeiy:** frank what the fuck why are u being a dick

 **frabk:** bc gerards being a dick

 **gayrard:** only bc mike and tre are being dicks

 **principal mike:** yeA BECAUSE BILLIES BEING A DICK

 **gayrard:** BECASE U AND TRE ARE THE BIGGEST FUCKING DICKS ON THIS PLANET 

 **tay:** well this group has the right name  
this is the biggest fucking nuggetmare ever

 **mkeiy:** yea bc everyone has suddenly taken up being a dick as a hobby

 **ilLITerate:** theres an awful lot of talk about dicks going on here

 **breadbin:** what do u expect   
everyones gay  as fuck   
dick is our religion

 **tay:** the church of dick

 

 **\- breadbin** renamed the group **the church of dick**


	33. gremlin boy: the squad destroyer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't very good but prepare yourselves guys.. the drama is gonna end soon but I got this suggestion from someone and, well, looks like there's gonna be lil more drama :)

**\- gayrard** removed **frabk** from **the church of dick**

 

 **gayrard:** help me help me help me help me help me help me help me  
oh my fckinh GD HLEP ME OIEJHUDGV AFGHHHHH

 **breadbin:** oh mY GOD WHAT ITS FUCKING NOT EVEN 4 YET  
AT LEAST WHEN TRE NEEDED HELP HE WAITED UNTIL 5  
wait why did u remove frank

 **gayrard:** THATS WHTA I NEED HELP ABOUT 

 **principal mike:** did u forget how to add him back?   
u just gotta go into settings and hit add people to chat

 **gayrard:** no mike i didnt forget how to add him back   
i dont want him added back   
because i am a terrible person and oh my god seriously help me

 **tre more like GAYY:** why does this sound like when i needed help after  _t h e  i n c i d e n t_?

 **ilLITerate:** gerard pls tell me that what billie just messaged me isnt true

 **gayrard:** what did he messaged u  
WAIT NO DONT ANSWER THAT DALLON PLS DONT ANSWE RTHAT

 **tay:** i have no idea wjats happening but it doenst sound good

 **mkeiy:** dallon pm me what billie said  
i dont like not knowing whats happening 

 **ilLITerate:** trust me mikey u wont like knowing whats happening eiteehr  
if thus text from bj is true 

 **principal mike:** whats the gremlin done now

 **gayrard:** stop calling him that

 **principal mike:** gremlin gremlin gremlin 

 **breadbin:** ha gremlin boy gremlin boy

 **gayrard:** whAT THE FUCK IS WRoNG WITH U GUYS LEAVE HIM TF ALONE

 **mkeiy:** GERARD WE NEED TO TALK 

 **tre more like GAYY:** jfc gerard what have u done

 **gayrard:** trust me u guys u dont wanna know

 **tay:** dallon pm me too 

 **principal mike:** same

 **gayrard:** nO DALLON DONT TELL MIKE OR TRE 

 **ilLITerate:** I ALREADY SENT THE MESSAGES TO LIKE EVERYONE IM SORRY GERARD I FAILED U 

 **tay:** GERARD IM SCREAMIBNGF WHAT THE FUCK

 **breadbin:** okay gerard we need to have a chat about nOT BEING A COMPLETE DICKWAD

 **gayrard:** okay okaY OKAY I KNOW   
IM A SHITTY PERSON   
BUT I DONT REMEMBER U GUYS BEING THIS MAD AT TRE WHEN HE DID IT

 **tre more like GAYY:** okay so dallon didnt send me the message but  
im guessing u did what i did??

 **gayrard:** yep  
i drunkenly fucked billie :)

 **mkeiy:** is anyone else concerned that mike has gone quiet

 **principal mike:** oh im just observing the squad falling apart even more  
and its all gremlin boys fault

 

 **\- breadbin** renamed the group **gremlin boy: the squad destroyer**

 

 **gayrard:** brendon 

 **breadbin:** just trying to lighteb the mood  
u know  
seeing as everythings gone to shit for the 851549837645th time 

 **tay:** oh MY GOD WHAT IS FRANK GONNA SAY  
GERASRD WE NEED DETAILS RN

 **ilLITerate:** 'gerasrd' ray what is this fuckery 

 **mkeiy:** dallon not now

 **gayrard:** OKAY SO BASICALLY  
wait no forget the caps  
so basically the argument with frank got worse and then i went to see billie bc mike and tre (and everyone else kind of) are being massive dicks to him

 **principal mike:** not ashamed of it

 **gayrard:** shut the fuck up mike  
anyway  
and i invited billie round to see if he wasn't okay and he was already drunk off his ass on someshit   
he was saying some shit about how hes gonna die alone and no one wants him around

 **tre more like GAYY:** o   
welp  
thats knda sand  
*sad

 **ilLITerate:** sand

 **breadbin:** beach  
oh one day we should go the beach 

 **tay:** we should brendon good idea  
we need to relax after all this stress i think im going grey alrady

 **gayrard:** oh yea sure lemme check my calendar  
im busy the next few daYS BECAUSE IM DEALING WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING APOCALYPSE THAT SPAWNED FROM MIKE CHEATING ON BILLIE WITH TRE AND THEN ME CHEATING ON FRANK WITH BILLIE AND WE ARE ALL LITERALLY THE SCUM OF THE EARTH AND WE SOULD ALL BE SHOT BEFORE WE CAN BREAK THE ENTIRE POPUATTIONS HEARTS   
but yea after that im free

 **mkeiy:** gerard i think u should take a nap  
but after we hear the full story ofc

 **gayrard:** fine  
i told him to shut up and thats bullshit bc we're still his friends   
but he was sure i was only there to make fun of him 

 **principal mike:** did he ask about me  
i mean  
im kinda feeling shitty about being a dick to him now this mess is my fault anyway

 **tay:** what is this sorcery ????? mike dirnt has feeling???????????????? wh a t???

 **principal mike:** suck my ass ray

 **gayrard:** yea he did   
he said and i quote "has mike ask about me? no wait i dont wanna know i dont give a fuck about him anymroe he can drop dead for all i care"

 **principal mike:** fuckin gremlin 

 **gayrard:** then he handed me his bottle and i drank it and then we drank more and then i woke up butt naked next to him so yea  
the end goodbye its been a good life im gonna go die now

 

 **\- gayrard** left **gremlin boy: the squad destroyer**

 

 **ilLITerate:** okay so we have anotehr problem

 **breadbin:** what did u do now

 **ilLITerate:** i accidentally sent the message from billie to frank as well so yea now frank knows gerard cheated on him

 **tre more like GAYY:** wow dallon u actual fucking baboon 

 **mkeiy:** baboon more like dalloon 

 

 **\- principal mike**  changed **ilLITerate's**  nickname to **dalloon**

 

 **dalloon:** thank u michael   
imma add frank

 

 **\- dalloon** added **frabk** to **gremlin boy: the squad destroyer**

 

 **breadbin:** lets add billie for the lolz 

 **tay:** breNDON NO 

 **mkeiy:** breNDON YES

 **principal mike:** BRENDON WHY

 

 **\- breadbin** added **blowjob gaystrong** to **gremlin boy: the squad destroyer**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** hello i dont want to be here

 **tre more like GAYY:** me walking into school every day

 **blowjob gaystrong:** i think u guys are better off wihhout me around

 **principal mike:** billie pls  
im sorry for literally everything bad ive ever done to u ur more than i deserve

 **dalloon:** this has taken a strange and unexpeted turn but i like it

 **tre more like GAYY:** yea same bj im sorry about  _t h e i n c i d e n t_  
it was the shittiest thing i could ever do and i regret every second of it

 **principal mike:** oh w as i that bad

 **tre more like GAYY:** what

 **frabk:** LISTEN UP   
wait wheres gerard

 **mkeiy:** he left

 

 **\- frabk** added **gayrard** to **gremlin boy: the squad destroyer**

 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** omf why frank pls this is a disaster

 **gayrard:** i feel ike ive just been thrown into a fiery pit of pain and death  
o wait i have

 **frabk:** OKAY LISTEN UP  
GERARD I KNOW U DONE FUCKED UP BOI BUT IM WILLING TO FORGIVE U BC I KNOW UR NOT A BAD PERSON  
AND BILLIE I THINK U SHOULD FORGIVE MIKE AND TRE BC THEYRE NOT BAD PEOPLE EITHER

 **gayrard:** wait  
what  
i was expecting u to say u were gonna murder me

 **frabk:** i wanted to for a while  
but  
these past few weeks have been nothing but despair and i think we should all get over it and pretend it never happend  
so lets all just agree that this was one big collossal mistake and we'll never speak of it again

 **blowjob gaystrong:** u know that actually doesnt sounds like a bad idea

 **tay:** awhhh the squads back togetehr :')

 **principal mike:** billie are we still   
like  
u know

 **blowjob gaystrong:** yea mike i love u ofc

 **gayrard:** frank  
what mike said

 **frabk:** yea what billie said

 **blowjob gaystrong:** but mike if u ever put ut dick near anyone that isnt me i will rip it off u hear me

 **principal mike:** o H olay   
okay

 **dalloon:** mexico 

 **breadbin:** dallon theyre having a ncie moment and u start talking about mexico

 **gayrard:** mexico is very roman attic 

 **frabk:** roman attic  
why not viking attic or or saxon attic

 **tre more like GAYY:** mexican romans in the attic 

 **mkeiy:** tre that doesnt even make sense 

 **tre more like GAYY:** thank u 


	34. stoP THROWING SHIRTS AT TYWIN LANNISTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lo and behold things are back to normal!!! Well, as normal as they can be in this chat.

**blowjob gaystrong:** tywin lannister gave me detention what bullshit 

 **gayrard:** billie idk if anyones ever told u but ur not allowed to just fling ur shirt at the teacher climb on ur desk and start singing greased lightning 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** no gerard no ones ever told me that  
i didnt grow up being told "billie remember to not take ur shirt off and throw it at tywin lannister and sing greased lightning while standing on ur desk"

 **tay:** u shouldnt need to be told that  
its kind of a given  
dont throw ur shirt at tywin lannister 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** ill throw what i want at tywin lannister if he gives me detention 

 **breadbin:** i thought we agreed on jaime lannister

 **dalloon:** lancel 

 **tre more like GAYY:** no we definitky agreed on tywin bc hes old asf 

 **mkeiy:** i swear u guys are obsessed with tywin lannister tf is wrong with u

 **frabk:** oh WERE obsessed??  
1 word mikey  
harry truman 

 **mkeiy:** frank remove urself from this chat if ur gonna shit talk about harry truman 

 **principal mike:** thats 2 words frank

 **gayrard:** actually its a name 

 **blowjob gaystrong:** 2 names 

 **breadbin:** actually i think someones full name counts as just one name

 **principal mike:** how do have 2 names and be 1 am confusion 

 **tre more like GAYY:** mike that makes no sense whatsoever pls reevaluate ur life choices   
but yea how is 2/3 names considered just 1 name

 **tay:** how can someone have 2 thirds of a name tre what drugs u takin son 

 **tre more like GAYY:** im high on life

 **frabk:** gay  
but yea i agree how is 2 names counted as 1 that doesnt make sense 

 **breadbin:** BECAUSE THATS JUST THE WAY THINKS ARE OKAY U NOSY LITTLE SHITS  
okay thats all for today i am no longer taking questions u can leave them with my secreteray dallon

 **dalloon:** secretary more like sex-retary ;))))

 **blowjob gaystrong:** whoa here comes brendon the (aggressive) name police 

 

 **\- dalloon** renamed the group **brendon the name police**

 

 **tre more like GAYY:** hey brendon do u have handcuffs   
bc if so i would like to borrow one

 **tay:** one handcuff   
just one 

 **breadbin:** no i dont have handcuffs u kinky little minx 

 **mkeiy:** m i n x   
i am WHEAT   
*wheezing 

 **frabk:** first of all i would like to address tre wanting handcuffs???  
mINX BENEDON WHAT THE FUCK   
and mikey what the actual fuck

 **tay:** okay movie idea!!!!!  
mikey the wheat boy and tre the kinky little minx go on the run from brendon the name police 

 **dalloon:** wait rank what the hell is a benedon 

 **gayrard:** 'rank' dallon dont be fucking rude :/

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong**  changed **frabk's**  nickname to **rank**

 

 **rank:** wow dallon really

 **principal mike:** billie i hope ur happy i just also threw my shirt at tywin lannister so u dont have to be in detention alone

 **blowjob gaystrong:** #relationshipgoals

 **tre more like GAYY:** lets alL THROW OUR SHIRTS AT TYWIN LANNISTER 

 **tay:** no lets not

 **breadbin:** my shirt is already off no going back now 

 **dalloon:** ooh i gotta see bren with no shirt on ;))))

 **breadbin:** wait no nevermind the pricipal just told me to put ut back on

 **principal mike:** no i didnt

 **breadbin:** no mike the actual principal 

 **tre more like GAYY:** aka my daddy

 **rank:** trE NO

 **principal mike:** i am the actual principal?? or does my name lie

 

 **\- tay**  changed **principal mike's**  nickname to **not principal mike**

 

 **tay:** ur not the principal anymore michael 

 

 **\- mkeiy**  changed **not principal mike's**  nickname to **just mike**

 

 **just mike:** i dont wanna be just miek u fuckers

 **gayrard:** 'miek' 

 

 **\- blowjob gaystrong**  changed **just mike's**  nickname to **miek**

 

 **\- miek**  changed **blowjob gaystrong's**  nickname **legweak**

 

 **legweak:** ayy

 **miek:** ayy

 **dalloon:** imma go throw my shirt at tywin lannister bc i have nothing better to do

 **mkeiy:** same actually

 

 **\- tay** renamed the group **stoP THROWING SHIRTS AT TYWIN LANNISTER**

 

 **miek:** everyone go throw thinsg at tywin so we can be squad gulls in detention  
squad goals

 **dalloon:** squad gulls  
mike are u okay

 **miek:** no ive had a very stressful day :(

 **legweak:** i will make better  
after detenton tho  
fucking tywin 

 **dalloon:** good news i will be joinging u in detention 

 **mkeiy:** same  
mine and dallons shirts got tangled whn we threw them so tywin got double hit   
and he was there like "why do kids keep throwing theur shirts @ me today???"

 **dalloon:** so i told him WE HAVE COME TO AVENGE OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR BJA   
and tywin gave us both detetnion 

 **legweak:** lord and saviour  
i like that

 **tre more like GAYY:** i will also be joining u in detention 

 **gayrard:** ffs everyone keep ur shirts on!!!  
except frank  
frank is encouraged to take his shirt off

 **rank:** ooh 

 **gayrard:** buT NOT NEAR TYWIN LANNISTER 

 **rank:** tOO LATE HAH FUCKERS IM IN DETENTION ALSO

 **tay:** why is this like the time we all threw our desks at the windows  
idk if u guys remember but that didnt end well

 **mkeiy:** ray it was ur idea?

 **legweak:** it ended VERY well actually.. we all got suspended and went to gerards lemon party and met dallon 

 **dalloon:** wait so im frens w/ u guys bc u threw ur desks out the windows and got suspended and went to a lemon party 

 **miek:** yes  
well we only did the desk thing bc me billie and brendon got suspended (and arrested) while returning mikeys phone to him

 **dalloon:** so i guess i should be thanking mikey for getting his phone taken away  
thank u mikey 

 **mkeiy:** ur welcome dallon  
also this reminds me of the time when me frank and tre threw eggs at at that guys house who called gerard a "disgusting homo"

 **gayrard:** wait u egged his house  
i mean im flattered that u defend me   
but u egGED HIS HOUSE??   
THAT IS I L L E G A L MIKEY I AM SHOCK

 **breadbin:** 90% of what we do is illegal gerard

 **gayrard:** shut up brendon im trying to raise mikey to be a respectful young man

 **rank:** miKEY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR SECRET D:

 **tre more like GAYY:** MIKEY U HAD ONE JOB

 **gayrard:** guys just to let u knw   
mikey is the WORsT person to tell secrets too he is terrible at the whole keeping secret thing

 **mkeiy:** excuse u i am gr8 at keeping secrets  
i didnt tell anyone u wet the bed until u were 14

 **gayrard:**...

 **mkeiy:**...oh   
well  
that brings me onto my next point: we are all bffs here we shouldnt have to keep secrets :)


	35. OH DEAR IVE LOST AN OCTOPUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like a month :(((

**tay:** mikey u chose the wrong day to be sick  
i require assistence handling these fucksticks 

 **mkeiy:** im not actually sick ray   
i just couldnt be bothered today 

 **tay:** well thats a fine way to behave  
come in and help me

 **mkeiy:** what are bbft doing now

 **gayrard:** mikey u lil shit u said u were "really super sick i cant move i think im dying"

 **mkeiy:** i said a lot of things gerard

 **rank:** wait  
what the hell is bbft

 **miek:** my mind instantly read bbft as boba fett 

 **tre more like GAYY:** really?  
i read it as bdsm 

 **mkeiy:** bbft is brendon billie frank and tre  
bc i noticed theyre the ones that seem to cause trouble a lot  
everyone else just sort of gets dragged into it or someshit 

 **breadbin:** ha get rekt bbft  
wait shit   
im b 

 **legweak:** im the first b   
wait mikey what tf do u mean we cause trouble 

 **mkeiy:** i mean u cause trouble  
ray what are they doing 

 **tay:** its not just bbft today   
its all of them

 **dalloon:** wow thanks ray ttell everyone im causing trouble

 **tay:** DALLON  U SWALLOWED THE TEACHERS PEN BECAUSE SHE CROSSED OUT ALL THE WORRDS U SPELLED WRONG

 **mkeiy:** he...  
he swallowed a pen?

 **dalloon:** destroy the evanescence   
evidence 

 **breabin:** what did evanescence ever do to u 

 

 **\- rank** renamed the group **destroy evanescence**

 

 **tay:** yes he literally swallowed a pen  
and billie hid in a closet so he wouldnt have to go to class but now its locked and he cant get out  
frank was in the vents last time i saw him

 **rank:** still am  
i see u brendon

 **breadbin:** go away ur distracting me from the work im not doing 

 **mkeiy:** frank get down 

 **rank:** go away ur not my real dad

 **tay:** sometimes i feel like im a doctor in a nuthouse and u lot are the psycho patients 

 **miek:** thats ableist 

 **gayrard:** ur ableist 

 **legweak:** i read that as "thats a heist" "ur a heist" 

 **miek:** im a heist?

 

 **\- tre more like GAYY** renamed the group **mikes a heist**

 

 **dalloon:** ray u didnt mention tre and his octopuses 

 **mkeiy:** say that again 

 **dalloon:** smh learn to read  
i said ray forgot to mention tre and his octopuses 

 **tre more like GAYY:** my octopuses are my children dallon dont speak about tthem in that tone

 **dalloon:** i wasnt aware i could type in a tone..??

 **rank:** if anyoen is confused  
tre has like 14 stuffed octopuses in his bag   
no one knows why

 **breadbin:** GUYS GUY SGUYS HOLY SHIT GUYS U FUCKIG MISSED THE BEST THING THATS EVR HAPPENED EVER

 **legweak:** ofc u missed my birth none of u knew me at that point

 **tre more like GAYY:** shut up billie u self centred banana peel 

 

 **\- gayrard** renamed the group **shut up billie u self centred banana peel**

 

 **miek:** leave him alone fuckers 

 **legweak:** i feel attacked and also attacked :(

 **rank:** I CANNOT FEEL MY ENTIRE FUCKING ARM THIS IS NOT GOOD THIS IS NOT GOOD THIS IS NOT GOOD FUCK

 **breadbin:** twas funny tho

 **mkeiy:** 'twas' brendon who tf do u think u are using fancy language 

 **tre more like GAYY:** OH DEAR IVE LOST AN OCTOPUS 

 

 **\- gayrard** renamed the group **OH DEAR IVE LOST AN OCTOPUS**

 

 **miek:** tre noah fenc but im mroe interesr in eht gap frnka

 **dalloon:** mike pls dont impasto me :/

 **tay:** *impersonate 

 **legweak:** impasto  
impasta  
im pasta  
i am pasta  
pasta bake  
im pasta bake  
im bake  
im baked  
IM FUCKING BAKED MY DUDES

 **tay:** i grow increasingly concerned for billies mental health every time he speaks 

 **rank:** WHY DONT U CARE  
also mike my nam isnt frnka? 

 

 **\- miek**  changed **rank's**  nickname to **frnka**

 

 **miek:** is now

 **tre more like GAYY:** oh w8 nvm i found my octopus 

 **gayrard:** frank what did u do  
did u do a naughty

 **legweak:** i just cringed so hard i almost pissed myself

 **mkeiy:** billie

 **frnka:** I FELL THROUGH THE CELING   
LANDED ON BRENDONS DESK AND 99.99999% SURE I BROKE MY ARM  
AND ALL BRENDON FUCKING SAID WAS "frank this isnt ur class"

 **tre more like GAYY:** petition to make "frank this isnt ur class" the official motto for whenever someone falls through the ceiling 

 **gayrard:** tre how often are we going to fall through the ceiling

 **tre more like GAYY:** 92

 **dalloon:** infomratriev 

 **tay:** this doesnt add uP  
i have done the calcuations and it should be at least 104 

 **breadbin:** interesting  
my calculations show ur gay

 **dalloon:** im gay  
for brendon

 **frnka:** no guys srs;y i think my arm is legit broken

 **tay:** thats what u get for fuckassing about in the vents 

 **frnka:** i liKE VENTS

 **dalloon:** that ecuse wont work  
my "but i like pens" excuse didnt work

 **frnka:** yes but dallon i didnt swallow the fucking vent did i 

 **gayrard:** the vent swallowed u   
and spat u out on brendons desk

 **breadbin:** well  
that answers the question ive alwasy wanted to ask the vents  
"do u spit or swallow"

 **frnka:** breNDON 

 **legweak:** wait u guys i just remembered im in a closet

 **mkeiy:** u... u forgot ur in a closet?   
h o w 

 **legweak:** to quote myself "IM FUCKING BAKED MY DUDES"

 **breadbin:** considering i have no desk to write on  
i shall go and free billie from his closet hell

 **miek:** outta one closet and into another - the story of billie joe armstrong 

 **legweak:** mike do u wish for ur testicles to remain attached to ur body

 **miek:** not particularly 

 **breadbin:** I RAN AT THE CLOSET DOOR AND IT OPENED REALLY EASILY AND SMASHED BILLIE IN THE FACE  
HES BLEEDING IM SORRY 

 **gayrard:** FRANKS ARM IS TWISTED AT AN ANGLE ARMS SHOULDNT BE TWISTED AT OH DEAR

 **tre more like GAYY:** frank do u want an octopus to make u feel better

 **frnka:** yes :(

 **legweak:** i want one too

 **tre more like GAYY:** sorry im out of octopuses for today

 **legweak:** TRE 

 **breadbin:** everyones hurt and dying but tre has octopuses so its all good

 **miek:** im going to incpect the damage to the ceiling and brendons desk

 **gayrard:** franks arm is worse

 **miek:** ye but gerard  
no one cares about franks arm

 **frnka:** I happen to care very much about franks arm  
its my wanking arm

 **breadbin:** who uses their entire arm to wank

 **tre more like GAYY:** u have gerard for that now anyway

 **mkeiy:** omfg  
im never being absent again  
poor ray u must be insane 

 **tay:** ive been insane for a long time mikey  
todays events made me realise who i truly am

 **mkeiy:** that sounds like the perfect villain quote 

 **legweak:** my villain quote is as follows  
"duur hburr im a fureman"

 **gayrard:** lets not

 **tre more like GAYY:** lets

 **dalloon:** lettuce

 **frnka:** the devils lettuce 

 **legweak:** sign me tf up


	36. fish 2.0: literally shut the fuck up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to literally shut the fuck up

**frnka:** within 5 minutes of having the cast on my arm i have smashed a car window, dented a street sign and broken gerards nose

 **miek:** ayy lmao frank u a savage

 **gayrard:** its not funny  
we walked out of the  hosptral then walked back in 2 seconds later bc he kept flying his arm around and it hit my nose

 **mkeiy:** while u 2 are having a field day at the hospital  
the rest of us are stuck in school 

 **breadbin:** there are now some new rules in place btw

 **dalloon:** THERS A RULE THAT UR NOT ALLOWED TO PUT PENS ANYWHRE NEAR UR FACE WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT

 **tay:** MAYBE BECAUSE U KEEP FUCKIG SWALLOWING THINGS 

 **legweak:** he was pracicing blowjobs leave him alone

 **gayrard:** billie do u even know how blowjobs work

 **miek:** i can confirm he does  
and hes good

 **tre more like GAYY:** fran  
i hate to tell u this  
but  
ur not allowed to go in the vents anymore

 **mkeiy:** u were never allowed in the vents anyway  
frank just doesnt listen to rules 

 **frnka:** fran  
frAN  
FRAN  
TRE WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **\- tre more like GAYY**  changed **frnka's**  nickname to **fran**

 

 **\- fran**  changed **tre more like GAYY's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** ah yes  
my mom said that to me just this morning

 **fran:** bc u were being an ass

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i was not

 **dalloon:** ur always an ass tre

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up**  changed **dalloon's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** wow   
now ur confusing people

 **literally shut the fuck up:** no ur confusing peiple

 

 **\- tay** renamed the group **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up**  changed **tay's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **gayrard:** oh my god  
its fish all over again

 **mkeiy:** fish 2.0: literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** mikey consider this  
literally shut the fuck up

 

 **\- breadbin**  changed **mkeiy's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up**  changed **breadbin's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **legweak:** my brain hurts  
why are we like this

 **literally shut the fuck up:** bc we are

 

 **\- gayrard**  changed **legweak's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- gayrard**  changed **miek's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- gayrard**  changed **fran's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up**  changed **gayrard's**  nickname to **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** my arm hurts so i cba to type bye felicia 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** whos felicia   
dallon is that u? are u having another illiterate moment?

 **literally shut the fuck up:** no its not me u fucking pretzel   
why would my arm be hurting?

 **literally shut the fuck up:** my arm hurts bc i broke it  
rememebr? when i fell out the vents 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** oh my god why is this happening im not a bad person why do bad things happen to bad people

 **literally shut the fuck up:** mike ur definitely a bad person

 **literally shut the fuck up:** what the fuck how u know its me? 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** im sitting behind u fuckstick i watched u type it

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i cant hadle this  
jfc this is stupid and also stupid and also fuckinG DUBM

 **literally shut the fuck up:** we dont need ur negativity 

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** well.. theres a sentence i never throught id read 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** im 2 seconds away from annihilating this fucking chat

 **literally shut the fuck up:** literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** this is making me want to go hide in a vent or someshit  
no office frank

 **literally shut the fuck up:** office

 **literally shut the fuck up:** office, noun: a room, set of rooms, or building used as a place of business for non-manual work

 **literally shut the fuck up:** oh my gOD TRE LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **literally shut the fuck up:** TELLING ME TO LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP IS WHAT CAUSED THIS MESS

 **literally shut the fuck up:** NO ONE TELL TRE TO LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP FROM NOW ON OKAY GO

 **literally shut the fuck up:** hey tre  
literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** tre if u literally shut the fuck up thne we wont have to tell u to literally shut the fuck up and this whole mess could have been avoided  
so in future.. literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** how about u literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i put the lit in LITerally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** public servce announcmen t  
l  
i  
t  
e  
r  
a  
l  
l  
y  
s  
h  
u  
t  
t  
h  
e  
f  
u  
c  
k  
u  
p

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i will not literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** u will literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i wiLL NOT LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **literally shut the fuck up:** OH MY FUCKING GOD  
ALL OF U   
L I T E R A L L Y   S H U T   T H E   F U C K    U P   :)

 **literally shut the fuck up:** figuratively open the fuck down 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** i am uncomfortable 

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** left **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** no no nO RAY I KNOW UR DOING THIS DONT DESTPRY THE MASTERPOEVE THAT IS THIS CHAT

 **literally shut the fuck up:** 'masterpoeve' 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** thiS IS INSANITY WE NEED A BREAK FROM GROUP FUCKING CHATS FOR AT LEAST A WEEK   
WE CANT GO ON LIKE THIS   
THE FATE OF THE WORLD RESTS IN OUR HANDS AND WE'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHUNG RIGHT

 **literally shut the fuck up:** NO WE CLEARLY NOT RESPONSIBLE   
WE CANT EVEN HOLD A SIMPLE GROUP CHAT TOGETHER

 **literally shut the fuck up:** if u think this is simple u havent been paying attention 

 **literally shut the fuck up:** literally shut the fuck up

 **literally shut the fuck up:** tHAT IS IT OMF

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** removed **literally shut the fuck up** from **literally shut the fuck up**

 

 **literally shut the fuck:** now we can all literally shut the fuck up :)

 

 **\- literally shut the fuck up** left **literally shut the fuck up**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For real guys, I love all the comments and kudos from you all <3 It means so much that people actually like this shit parade.


	37. PREGANANANT

**\- Dallon Weekes**  added **Brendon Urie, Billie Joe Armstrong, Gerard Way, Ray Toro, Mike Dirnt, Frank Iero, Mikey Way, and Tré Cool** to  **henlo**

 

 **Dallon Weekes:** wow that was a stressful week of no group chat

 **Ray Toro:** dallon it was a day and a half :/  
also its midnight why are u making a group chat at midnight

 **Brendon Urie:** its not actually midnight ray its like 3 minuets past midnigt  
and he had a nightmare leave him alone

 **Mike Dirnt:** billie keeps jicking me so im awake anyway

 **Ray Toro:** what is jicking  
wait it sounds sexual nvm

 **Mike Dirnt:** kicking ray  
i meant kicking

 **Gerard Way:** dallon what was ur nightmare about   
bc i also had a nightmare it was terrifying 0/10 would not recommend 

 **Mikey Way:** egrard u cant recommend nightmars 

 **Gerard Way:** egRARD MIKEY   
FUCKING EGRARD

 

 **\- Tré Cool**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **egrard**

 

 **egrard:** k well im gonna pretend that didnt haoppen  
but in my nightmare frank was riding a really big pinata and it was kinda like a vacuum cleaner like it kept sucking thinsg up  
and he started chasing me and i didnt want him to suck me up but he just kept yelling "FOR THE WATCH"

 **Tré Cool:** gerard are all ur nightmares based on game of thrones

 **egrard:** yes  
i binge watched the entire series last week what do u expect 

 **Dallon Weekes:** my nigthtmaee involved a large vampire like thing and it was just bad   
i dont want to talk about it 

 **Frank Iero:** was the large vampire thing gerard bc i dreamed about gerard

 **Tré Cool:** yes thank u frankk we dont need to hear that

 

 **\- egrard**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to **frankk**

 

 **frankk:** <3

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** u wanna know what i dont get about gaem of thrones  
the nights watch says ur not allowed to take a wife so why do so many guy s join  
i sure as hell wouldnt

 **Mike Dirnt:** billie ur gay it doesnt matter that u dont take a wife

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** shit u right 

 

 **\- Ray Toro** renamed the group **shit u right**

 

 **Brendon Urie:** did billie legit forget he was gay or something?

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** brendon   
go fuck a sock

 **Tré Cool:** why would he fuck a sock when he can fuck dallon  
i mean i dont like dallon much but hes better than a sock right

 **Dallon Weekes:** ty tre  
wait  
im mildly offended  

 **Tré Cool:** get over it

 **Brendon Urie:** yes okay ill fuck a sock

 **Dallon Weekes:** oh am i a sock now ;)

 **Brendon Urie:** no

 **Dallon Weekes:** biLLIE I FUCKING HOPE UR HAPPY U LITRLE SHIT  
BRENDON HAS HIS DICK IN A SOCK  
AND HE DOESNT WANT TO FUCK ME

 **Tré Cool:** well maybe if u were a sock dallon...

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **sockboy**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **cocksock**

 

 **egrard:** sock puppets  
or should i say cock puppets ;)

 **Mikey Way:** gerard dont encourage them

 **egrard:** suck my dick miey

 **Mikey Way:** gerard  
thats incest   
also what is a miey

 

 **\- egrard**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **miey**

 

 **frankk:** brendon protip: dont do anything billie tells u to do  
if we all listeend to what billie told us to we would be dead and pregnant  
or in jail  
or in france  
or other unpleasant things

 **Ray Toro:**??

 **frankk:** well one  time when i told him his shoes were on the wrong feet he said  
and i quote  
"frank go and fucking put ur dick in a microwave and impregnante the thing and waste ur life rasin little microwabe babies"

 **Ray Toro:** yes i know i was there  
what i meant was how can someone be deadn AND pregnant

 **sockboy:** well im pretty sur e gregnant women ahve died before  
prgannat   
pergenant  
pregananant  
I CANT FCUKING SPELL

 **cocksock:** we know dal we know 

 

 **\- miey** renamed the group **PREGANANANT**

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** objection  
i think u should all do exaclty what i say :)

 **cocksock:** how about u fuck urself :)

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong**  changed **cocksock's** nickname to **urine**

 

 **urine:** wow harsh 

 

 **\- urine**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **gremlin**

 

 **gremlin:** THAT IS FUCKING RUDE AND ALSO RUDE AND AL SO

 **Mike Dirnt:** billie turn ur fucking phone off im tired and we have school in the mrning 

 **gremlin:** fuck the police i do what i want

 **sockboy:** brendon pls take the sock off ur dick

 **urine:** in the wise words or our gremlin friend: fuck the police i do what i want

 **miey:** wow  
already so confused and fucked up

 **Ray Toro:** if i eevr become president im goNNA FUCKING BAN GROUP CHATS

 

 **\- Tré Cool**  changed **Ray Toro's**  nickname to **president toro**

 

 **president toro:** ayyyy dats my boi tree  
*tre

 **Tré Cool:** smh not even the president knows my name :(

 

 **\- gremlin**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **tree**

 

 **tree:** i have been blessed by our lord and saviour  
our gremlin and saviour 

 **Mike Dirnt:** hey i was the president :(

 **miey:** no mike u were the principal 

 **Mike Dirnt:** arent they the same thing

 **president toro:** yes mike definitely    
tomorrow u have to call the principal mr president okay

 **Mike Dirnt:** yep

 **gremlin:** do it do it do it

 **egrard:** tomorrow should be eventful :)

 **tree:** i'll call the principal daddy if one of u guys buys me taco bell after 

 **sockboy:** DONE 

 **tree:** aw yissss


	38. SABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA

**tree:** so i called the principal daddy u guys  
dallon i want my taco bell now

 **sockboy:** pics or it didnt happen

 **gremlin:** how can someone taje a picture of speech

 **egrard:** welp  
no proof means u have to do it again tre 

 **tree:** only if i get double taco bell  
NO WAIT  
taco bell AND $10

 **president toro:** $20 if u call him daddy in front of the whole school   
u know when he goes up on stage for those dumb announcemets

 **miey:** he only does his announcements when someones done something to get in deep deep DEEP shit  
but anyway this is a dumb idea and i dont wanna be part of ur silly childish games  
no wait yes i do

 **egrard:** sweet sweet mikey  
u tried so hard to be a grown up

 **miey:** suck my ass

 **urine:** thIS IS BULL SHAMROCK   
*bullshit  
what the everliving fuck

 **Mike Dirnt:** bull shamrock

 **gremlin:** rip i just read shamrock as smash mouth both times

 **tree:** HEY NOW  
UR AN ALL STAR  
GET UR GAME ON

 **frankk:** IM GAY

 **tree:** no frank thats not how the song goes 

 **egrard:** gay now  
ur a gay star  
get ur gay on  
im gay

 **Mike Dirnt:** ah yes my fave song  
gay star by gay mouth 

 **president toro:** somebody once told me the gay is gonna gay me  
i aint the gayest gay in the gay  
she was looking kinda gay with her gay and her gay  
in the shape of an gay on her gay

 **urine:** well the years start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they

 **Mike Dirnt:** brendon  
we need to talk  
ur mother and i are very worried about u son

 **gremlin:** ur tearing this famliy apart brendon 

 **Mike Dirnt:** u made ur mother cry i hope ur happy 

 **urine:** yes i am actually

 **gremlin:** im not crying im just gay

 **sockboy:** 'im not crying im just gay' PLEASE can we make that the response for literally everything now

 **president toro:** well it cant be the repsone for eevything but ye sure why not

 **sockboy:** quit pissing on my dreams

 **egrard:** "quit pissing on my dreams" same actually 

 

 **\- frankk** renamed the group **quit pissing on my dreams**

 

 **urine:** if u see swiper say  
"im not crying im just gay"

 **tree:** no no no   
if u see swiper say   
SABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA

 **egrard:** tre pls

 

 **\- frankk** renamed the group **SABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA**

 

 **egrard:** frANK

 **frankk:** GERARD

 **Mike Dirnt:** wait am i the only one w/out a nickname again 

 

 **\- tree**  changed **Mike Dirnt's**  nickname to **that one kid who makes bass noises**

 

 **tree:** no

 **that one kid who makes bass noises:** trE NO  
THAT WAS 1 TIME LIKE 20 YEARS AGO

 **gremlin:** muke ur 16 that makes no sense  
also u do it all the time like literally

 **tree:** ooh 'muke' even better

 **that one kid who makes bass noises:** TR E DONT 

 

 **\- tree**  changed **that one kid who makes bass noises's**  nickname to **muke**

 

 **president toro:** duke nukem more like duke mukem amirite 

 **sockboy:** muke mukem   
MUKE MUKEM

 **muke:** this is CYBERBULLYING 

 **miey:** this is sparta

 **gremlin:** NO THIS IS PATRICK 

 **egrard:** its leviOsa not leviosA

 **urine:** maybe its maybelline 

 **frankk:** maYBE WE SHOULD GT BACK ON TRACK??

 **tree:** what track  
a train track?

 **muke:** no a running track

 **miey:** yea as if any of us is actuallu gonna run lmao good one mike 

 **tree:** OH YEAH LMAO IM SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING MY $20 AND RACCOON BELL  
TACO BELL WHAT

 **president toro:** tre u cant just eat raccoons 

 **tree:** bitch just watch me  
Actualy no dont am shy]

 **sockboy:** rememememeber u have to call the principal daddy in front of the whle school

 **urine:** dall honey remember obly has 2 em in it 

 **sockboy:** it has as many ems in ut as i want brendon   
quit pissing on my dreams

 **miey:** how exactly are u gonna get him to make an announcemt  
like  
i jate to be part of ur retarded ass games but   
one of us is gonna have to get in seious trouble

 **gremlin:** MY TIME HAS COME FINALLY  
TROUBLE IS WHAT I DO BEST

 **egrard:** ILL BE UR PARtner in crme

 **gremlin:** howdy pardner 

 **muke:** NO   
BAKC OFF  
GRR  
BILLIES IST MEIN

 **president toro:** u just turned incredibly german michael

 **miey:** no i didnt ray dont chat shit 

 **president toro:** not u michael  
the other michael

 **sockboy:** i didnt know we had a fren called michael

 **egrard:** dallon.. dallon we have 2 frens called michael

 **sockboy:** aight if u say so 

 **gremlin:** okay so heres th plan u gays  
wait what its the end of the day

 **tree:** so i dont get to call the principla daddy?  
damn bro that sucks 

 **muke:** tomorrow tre tomorrow

 **urine:** mission failed we'll get him next time


	39. brendon u cant 'accidentally' shove someone down the stairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Brendon literally naruto runs away from the police, but the others get Taco Bell so it's all good.

**gremlin:** okay lads the plan is as follows:  
me and the gee-ster are gonna cause some wild shit  
hopefully the principal will make an announcement at the end of the day  
tre can do his thing  
and then we all get taco bell

 **sockboy:** no only tre gets taco bell

 **egrard:** billie i thought i told u to stop caling me the gee-ster 

 

 **\- gremlin**  changed **egrard's**  nickname to **gee-ster**

 

 **gremlin:** sorry what i just went temporarily deaf 

 **miey:** u can still read if ur deaf

 **urine:** not if ur names dallon

 **sockboy:** sorry what i just went temporarily infiltrate 

 **gee-ster:** wAIT WHAT TF DO U MEAN WE DONT GET TACO BELL  
WHY IS TRE SO SPECIAL

 **tree:** this is some class a bullshit  
wait im tre  
oh this doesnt effect me its all good :)

 **president toro:** affect 

 **tree:** no

 **frankk:** thank u 

 **muke:** none of this makes sense whats even happening 

 **gee-ster:** WE DONT GET TACO BELL BUT TRE DOES?? IN WHAT WORLD IS THIS FARQUAAD   
*FAIR   
DAMMIT

 **miey:** gerard how many times have u typed farquaad for it to correct fair

 **gee-ster:** more times than im comfortable admitting 

 

 **\- urine**  changed **gee-ster's**  nickname to **farquaad fucker**

 

 **frankk:** um  
shouldn that be frank fucker :/

 **tree:** sorry frenk  
gerards moved onto bigger and better things 

 

 **\- president toro**  changed **frankk's**  nickname to **frenk**

 

 **farquaad fucker:** tre pls stop trying to ruin my relationship 

 **gremlin:** yea havent u ruined enough peoples relationships 

 **muke:**...  
billie

 **sockboy:** ohhh shit tre just got fucking demolished 

 **tree:** wow fuck u 

 

 **\- tree** left **SABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA**

 

 **farquaad fucker:** well done billie u fucking burnt piece of celery 

 **muke:** billie why is it every time things are going nicely u have to be a complete ass and fuck it up

 **gremlin:** mike why is it u have to insalt me all the time when all i do is make innocent jokes

 **president toro:** yea uh  
i somehow dont think tre finds this funny :/

 **miey:** OIH MDNHCY FUGHIO GODDDDD WHY ARE U ALL SO FUCKING RETARDED

 **urine:** question  
do we still get taco bell even tho tre just walked out of school

 **gremlin:** he walked out of school?  
oop

 **muke:** yea fuckin oop

 **gremlin:** hey mike  
go fucketh thyself 

 **muke:** hey billie  
sucketh my dicketh 

 **gremlin:** hey mike  
youre a bastard

 **frenk:** billie thats not old english

 **gremlin:** UR NOT OLD ENGLISH 

 **urine:** I JUST WANT TACO BELL OH MY GOD

 **sockboy:** LISTEN UP FUCKERS  
if u manage to get tre back in school and back in the chat  
i will buy everyone taco bell after school

 **miey:** fuck school how about we get taco bell as soon as we get tre back

 **president toro:** michael  
taht is not expendable behaviour 

 **miey:** ray i honestly do not give a fuckity fuck im hungry

 **sockboy:** ray did u mean to say acceptable 

 **farquaad fucker:** wow look at dallon with the correcting peopls spelling   
hes come so far  
i shed a tear at his bravery, his courage 

 **sockboy:** suck my ding dong

 **urine:** NEIN  
dallons ding dong is mine and mine only   
\- urs faithfully- brendon urie 

 **gremlin:** GUYS IM RUNNIN

 **muke:** whatevr ur doing just sTOP before u make things worse

 **gremlin:** um??? me? make thinsg WORSE?? i dont think so sweaty :)

 **president toro:** literally shut the fuck up

 **farquaad fucker:** NO NO NO   
DONT   
RAY SHUT THE FUCK UP NO  
DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AGAIB  
I CANT TAKE ANOTHER REPEAT OF FISH

 **miey:** guys imma add tre back and tell him our plan

 

 **\- miey** added **tree** to **S** **ABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA**

 

 **tree:** billie stop fucking chasing me u look like a rabid dog

 **gremlin:** stop fucking running then jfc

 **tree:** ill stop running when u stOP FOLLOWING ME 

 **gremlin:** WHERE ARE U EVEN GOING   
U JUST RAN INTO A DEAD END

 **tree:** I CANT THINK WHEN IM UNDER PRESSURE  
UR STRESSING ME OUT   
GO AWAY  
GO TO SCHOOL  
BEHAVE

 **gremlin:** IM TRYING TO MAKE THIS RIGHT  
FUCK

 **tree:** HA FUCK U THATS WHAT U GET

 **farquaad fucker:** what happened   
billie what more trouble have u caused

 **muke:** im runnin u guys im runnin

 **frenk:** i know im right behind u

 **sockboy:** and im next to u frank  
u are uncomfortably fast for someone so small

 **tree:** BILLIE GOT HIT BY A CAR HAHAA BITCH

 **gremlin:** I WAS TYPING AND RUNNING AT THE SAME TIME LEAVE ME BE 

 **muke:** IS HE OSKY

 **farquaad fucker:** whY IS EVERYONE RUNNING I CANT DO THIS 

 **miey:** gerard u werent even running   
u were doing a brisk walk 

 **farquaad fucker:** i know it was terrible 

 **gremlin:** mike to answer ur question  
yes im osky

 **tree:** annie are u osky  
are u osky  
are u osky annie

 **sockboy:** who tf is annie

 **frenk:** ur mom

 **president toro:** wait is everyone frens again now

 **tree:** yes  
oh look the principal is chasing us

 **urine:** oh dear he doenst look happy

 **farquaad fucker:** okay so im like a mile down the road so u guys tell me whats he saying

 **muke:** hes not happy that we all decided to run away

 **miey:** im p sure theres somehing mroe serious happening here  
like hes shouting an awful lot for us just running down the road

 **urine:** oh  
i think i know what this is over

 **gremlin:** brendon what did u do

 **urine:** it was an ACCIDENT   
but  
when i saw all u guys running away i was at th top of the stairs  
and i may or may not have accidentally shoved some kid down the stairs 

 **frenk:** brendon u cant 'accidentally' shove someone down the stairs

 **urine:** i can and i will  
i mean i already did but

 **sockboy:** brendon maybe u shoud stop typing and pay attentin to the pruncipal whO IS CALLING THE COPS ON U

 **urine:** WHAT WHY I DIDNT DO ANTHING

 **miey:** um brendon  
u know the kid u 'accidnetally' shoved down the stairs  
well hes being taken to the hospital for a fractured skull

 **president toro:** mikey dont exaggerate things   
its a SUSPECTED fractured skull  
like it probably isnt  
but damn brenny u in some trouble boy

 **farquaad fucker:** brenny HA

 

 **\- sockboy**  changed **urine's**  nickname to **brenny**

 

 **tree:** i dont mean to alarm anybody but thers a cop car   
and cops  
oh dear they comin for u brenny

 **brenny:** okay letss stop with the brenny pls  
and NOT TODAY PEASANTS  
imma naruto out of this bitch 

 **muke:** BRENDON U DID NOT JUST LITERALLY NARUTO RUN AWAY FROM THE COPS   
oh shit they have their sirens on  
ooh they comin for u  
this is bad   
oh this is baddd

 **brenny:** I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING HELP

 **sockboy:** BRENDON DONT U DARE BECOME SOMEONES PRISON BITCH D:

 **brenny:** theYRE THREATENING TO SHOOT ME IM GONNA DIE IM LITERALLY GONNA DIE

 **gremlin:** stop runnning smh   
BRNEDON SEROUSLY STOP RUNNING  
THE PRINCIPAL TOLD THEM U DID IT ON PURPOSE THEY THINK U TRIED TO KILL A KID

 **brenny:** HA IM GONE BITCHES IM GONE   
CALL ME 5 LITTLE DUCKS COS IM OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY

 **miey:** oh my god  
im out

 

 **\- miey** left **SABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA**

 

 **farquaad fucker:** ALL I WANTED WAS TACO BELL  
WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED

 **sockboy:** well lets go get taco bell then

 **tree:** yesssssss

 

 **\- tree** added **miey** to **S** **ABAKU NO WA ORE NO STANDO DAAAAAAAA**

 

 **tree:** MIKEY WERE GETTING TACO BELL STILL

 **miey:** YASSSS


	40. hey frank nice use of gender neutral pronouns for nebraska

**president toro:** so brendon  
hows life as a wanted man

 **brenny:** oh ya knwo  
im just chillin in nebraska  
as wanted men do

 **sockboy:** BRENDON ITS BEEN A WEEK JUST COME BACK

 **gremlin:** dallon what part of wanted man do u not understanr

 **tree:** its dallon he probably doenst understahd any of it 

 **muke:** pls dont tell me ur literally in nebraska

 **brenny:** sorry mike but im literally in nebraska  
in lincoln  
living under the alias of JEBEDIAH CHADWICK MAXIMUS FRUITGRAPE III 

 **frenk:** aw  
tres grapefruit son lives on in brendons strange nebraskan antics 

 **brenny:** hows the kid i shoved down the stairs 

 **farquaad fucker:** we havent heard much about him  
apart from his friend wants to kick ur ass

 **gremlin:** brendon u should be fine  
like  
ive seen his friend hes not scary at all

 **sockboy:** billie  
do u evem know brendon  
he screamed at a feather falling past him bc he thought it was a spider  
and when i said "how can it be a spider if its grey"  
he said "old spiders are grey dallon do u even go to school"

 **muke:** okay  
the spider story is kind of irrelevant but its good to learn things

 **tree:** mike pls make that ur señor quote   
*senior 

 **muke:** why the fuck would i make that my senioy quote thats so dumb??  
sorry  
my señor quote 

 

 **\- frenk** renamed the group **mikes señor quote**

 

 **miey:** i hate to interrupt whatever this clusterfuck is  
but there is some bad bad BAD news  
brendon listen up

 **brenny:** no thank u

 **miey:** YES thank u  
anyway  
the kid u pushed   
he was taken to hospital remamber

 **brenny:** yes mikey i remember when all hell broke loose last week

 **miey:** he died brendon  
he died of head injuries 

 **gremlin:** wait what

 **tree:** oh dear lord  
this is shitty

 **brenny:** aw dang  
i hoped i would be at least 18 before i became a convicted murderer

 **miey:** HA got u hes fine hes just a lil concussed   
wait  
brendon why the hell are u so callm after being told ur a murderer

 **brenny:** if he died it would have ben MANSLAUGHTER mikey get it right   
i would have been a manslaughterer not a murderer

 **sockboy:** well now ur a concusser 

 **frenk:** ALL FEAR BRENDON THE CONCUSSER

 **farquaad fucker:** frank

 **tree:** guys   
we should go and visit brendon in nebraska

 **president toro:** tre we are trying to get brendon back to school  
ur not helping at all

 **tree:** wow fuck u ray

 **muke:** tbh im up for a road trip  
i cant handle mr turner

 **frenk:** NO ONE CAN HANDLE MR TURNER HE IS THE LITERAL SPAWN OF SATAN 

 **farquaad fucker:** frank u just dont like him bc he tells u to get off ur phone

 **frenk:** damn right  
i dont like anyone who tells me to get off my phone

 **gremlin:** i dont like any one period  
except mike  
i love mike

 **muke:** i loev u too billie

 **president toro:** is it me or is it gay in here

 **miey:** its very gay in here ray

 **tree:** this isnt just regular gay  
this is  
gay™

 **sockboy:** gay™

 **frenk:** okay so i just read that as "gay t m"   
like atm but gaytm 

 **brenny:** gaytm: the place gays go to withdraw money 

 **tree:** focus pls  
roadtrip to nebraska   
save brendon from the nebraskans

 **brenny:** i dont need saving tre im not some damsel in distress 

 **president toro:** movie idea: tre goes on a quest to nebraska to save brendon the damsel in distress  
and he fights a dragon bc dragons make everything 100x cooler

 **sockboy:** the only person whos gonna be saving the damsel is me

 **brenny:** can we stop referring to me as the damsel now pls   
i dont need saving  
i like nebraska 

 **miey:** but u like us more so ur coming back

 **president toro:** how are we gonna go on a roadtrip when none of us owns a car

 **tree:** that is where my good fren bj comes in  
he can hotwire ANYTHING 

 **gremlin:** tre i thpight i told u i was done jacking cars wgen i got arrested for the 19827635th time 

 **tree:** and i thoght i told u i accept full responsibiltiy for u getting thrown in juvie for 3 months

 **gremlin:** well duh  
it was ur fuckin fault i got caught

 **muke:** wait wait wait  
u mean that time when we were 13 and u disappeared for MONTHS u werent really at ur uncles in canada??

 **gremlin:** no michael i was in juvie for stealing cars  
again

 **farquaad fucker:** the plot thickens

 **president toro:** well damn  
i know billies a little shit  
but i didnt know he was this bad jfc

 **sockboy:** ooh billies a bad boy

 **brenny:** ha dallon likes bad boys

 **sockboy:** no   
if i likd bad boys why would i be with u

 **brenny:** honestly i am hurt and shocked that u would say this to me  
i am the baddest of teh boys  
im on the run from the cops   
how much badder can u get 

 **tree:** okay  
off track again  
heres the plan: bj will hotwire whichever car he can find and we all pile in and go to nebraska and find brenny

 **miey:** actully i always wanted to go to nebula   
*nebraska   
dang

 **president toro:** honestly a nebula sounds so much better than nebraska

 **brenny:** do not insult my homeland raymond u know nothing about nebraska 

 **president toro:** BRENDON U ARENT EVEN FROM NEBRASKA  
UVE BEEN THERE FOR A WEEK AND UR ALREADY ACTING LIKE THE OWN THE PLACE

 **sockboy:** dont yell at brendon

 **president toro:** how can i yell if im typing

 **frenk:** well ray tbh  
ur typing gives off some very aggressive undertones 

 **brenny:** dont tell me where i am and am not from   
leave nebraska out of this

 

 **\- tree** renamed the group **leave nebraska out of this**

 

 **miey:** take me to nebraska rn   
mr turner yelled at me for eating in class

 **farquaad fucker:** when u get yelled at for eating in class so u run away to nebraska lms if u agree

 **brenny:** when u accidentally concuss a kid by shoving him down the stairs and the cops think u tried to murder him so u run away to nebraska lms if u a agree

 **frenk:** when nebraska gets sick of troublesome kids invading their cities so they ban us from ever entering the state again ever lms if u agree

 **sockboy:** hey frank nice use of gender neutral pronouns for nebraska 

 **frenk:** im a very accepting person dallon  
i accept nebraskas gender identity and use their preferred pronouns 

 **miey:** i didnt know nebraska had a gender identity 

 **president toro:** we must all be supportive of nebraskas gender identity 

 **brenny:** okay u know what all this talk of nebraska actually makes me wanna come home so u fucks better hurry ur ass up and get out here

 **gremlin:** do u think the principal will notice if we take his car

 **muke:** billie no wtf   
dont steal the principals car

 **gremlin:** he doesnt even have a car mike chill 

 **tree:** he definitely wont notice us taking his car if he doesnt have a car 

 **frenk:** logic 


	41. episode 41: hm.. yeast.. create brEAD..???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dallon and Brendon literally have a domestic over GTA

**sockboy:** good morning to everyone except brendon 

 **miey:** its th e middle of the evening dallon

 **brenny:** whAT DID I DO NOW 

 **sockboy:** U KNOW EXACTLY WHAT U DID U USELESS FUCKING BUTTERKNIFE 

 

 **\- tree** renamed the group **BUTTERKNIFE**

 

 **gremlin:** what drama is happening now guys cnat a boy get some sleep around here

 **muke:** billie turn ur phone off its loud

 **miey:** why is everyone asleep in the evening   
what is happening

 **president toro:** brallon are having a domestic over  
im not actually sure what its over tbh

 **sockboy:** WHY DONT U ASK BRENOD HE KNOWS WHAT ITS OVER

 **brenny:** breNOD  
BRENOD????????  
WHO TF IS BRENOD

 **sockboy:** ADMIT UR CRIMES FOUL BEAST  
ADMIT THEM

 **brenny:** no fuk u 

 **muke:** that nebraska roadtrip was tiring 

 **miey:** dont be exaggerate mike  
i got left behind at EVERY gas station we went to and had to run 298376 miles to catch up but im not tired??

 **farquaad fucker:** "dont be exaggerate" - mikey way 1927

 **miey:** geRARD DONT DO A MEAN ON UR BROTHER

 **tree:** gerard did u have a stroke its not 1927?????????

 **frenk:** no it hasnt been 1927 for at least 3 years now

 **muke:** well hes not wrong u know..

 **farquaad fucker:** i think mikeys the one having a fit   
"dont do a mean on ur brother"  
ILL DO A MEAN ON EVERYONE   
GRRR

 **sockboy:** anyway were getting a little off track  
BRENDON IM GOING TO FUCKING END U IF U DONY COEM AND FIX UR MESS

 **tree:** "fix ur mess" so basically fix his entire life right??

 **frenk:** dammmm we gonna need some furemen in here for that burn ;))

 **miey:** furemen furemen furemen 

 **muke:** bj ur time has come

 **gremlin:** *i walk out onto a dark stage in front of 20000 people* *a spotlight shines on me* *i clear my throat*   
durr hburr im a furemen   
*the crowd goes wild w/ applause and cheering* *roses land at my feet* *audience members shed a tear*

 **frenk:** billie no wtf

 **miey:** ah the 3 phrases of our chat  
the original: "trE NO"  
the hardly used but still relevant "brendon what the actual fuck"  
and the new one: "billie no wtf"

 **gremlin:** u know what my senoir quote is gonna be   
"mikey shut the fuck up" 

 **miey:** yea well mines gonna be  
"billie joe armstrong was the one who put firecrackers in the toilet that one time"

 **gremlin:** U DONT SNITCH ON UR FRENS U WEASEL 

 **farquaad fucker:** wait billie that was u????

 **gremlin:** no gerard  
dont listen to anything mikey says hes a LIE

 **tree:** ah yeast   
mikey is a lie  
not a liar  
but a lie  
he isnt real

 **president toro:** "ah yeast" I JUST FUCKING CHOKES WHEN IR EAD THAT

 **muke:** why am i imagining tre holding up yeast and stroking his imaginary beard and saying "ah yes... yeast"

 

 **\- brenny** renamed the group **episode 41: hm.. yeast.. create brEAD..???**

 

 **sockboy:** brendon what the actual fuck  
also ur a bastard 

 **brenny:** alSO UR A FUCKING COCKMONKEY   
WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE U SO HOSTILE

 **sockboy:** ONE WORD   
PLAYSTATION

 **brenny:** i dint know what ur talking abouyt

 **sockboy:** I KNOW U FUCKING REPORTED MY ACCOUNT AND GOT ME BANNED

 **farquaad fucker:** oh did brendon get someone else banned from psn?????

 **sockboy:** yes this is the 5th time this month

 **brenny:** U THREW AWAY MY POPTART THAT I WAS SAVING

 **sockboy:** IT WAS GROWING MOLD BRENDON   
IT WASNT A POPTART ANYMORE

 **brenny:** ALSO  
A L S O  
U SHOULDNT HACK INTO GAMES ITS Naughty™

 **sockboy:** FUCK A STICK BRENDON AND LEAVE MY HACKING OUT OF THIS   
UR JUST MAD I WOULDNT GIVE U MONEY ON GTA

 **brenny:** OF FUCKING COURSE IM MAD ABOUT THAT   
UR THE REASON I NEED MORE MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE  
ITS COMPLETELY BEYOND ME WHY 1 PERSON FEELS THE NEED TO BUY 18 T20s

 **gremlin:** this episode of group shat: brendon and dallon literally have a dometic over gta   
but yea why so many t20s wth

 **sockboy:** i dont have to answer to u   
u almost killed us in the car when we rescuced brendon

 **gremlin:** arE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT  
T IS NO MY FAILT I VANNOT RWCH THE PEDALS

 **muke:** that makes no sense

 **frenk:** does billie even english

 **tree:** does frank even english

 **president toro:** does english even english 

 **miey:** too spoopy ray to spoppoy 

 **farquaad fucker:** mikey what is a "spoppoy"

 

 **\- muke** renamed the group **all hail spoppoy**

 

 **tree:** the spoppoy are mad

 **sockboy:** whats a spoppoy 

 **brenny:** ur a spoppoy   
thief

 **sockboy:** breNDON

 **frenk:** well tre wasnt wrong when he said the spoppoy are mad


	42. Tyler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tyler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**sockboy:** i cant sleep lets play never have i ever

 **miey:** no

 **farquaad fucker:** how tf can we play never have i ever if were all in diff houses w/ no drinks 

 **sockboy:** easy  
ill say "never have i ever banned someones playstation account bc im a whiny brat"   
and brendon will send ☑  
the rest of u will keep quiet

 **brenny:** daLLON EAT MY ENTIRE ASS   
ITS BEEN 4 DAYS AND UR STILL NOT OVER IT

 **frenk:** i cant even see the lil emoji dude u sent its a white box for me :(

 **tree:** no alcohol=no fun

 **sockboy:** but im boooooored   
u guys are fuckers

 **muke:** okay ill play  
never have i ever smuggled weed into school in my hair

 **president toro:** ☑   
ur gonna sell me out like this   
fuck u mike 

 **tree:** uhm  
excuse  
u didnt tell me u had weed? and i am astonished at ur rudeness raymond

 **president toro:** get over it tre

 **gremlin:** never have i ever shot a gun   
☑

 **brenny:** what type  
like a gun gun or an air gun or what

 **gremlin:** the rooty tooty point n shooty type 

 **brenny:** okay thats really not helpful

 **farquaad fucker:** do u know know nothing smh  
rooty tooty point n shooty is a gun gun  
we had none of this pussy air gun shit back in my day

 **frenk:** gerard ur 16 

 **gremlin:** *sigh*   
NEVR HAVE I EVER SHOT A REAL GUN  
☑

 **muke:** what when did u shoot a gun???

 **gremlin:** gotta protect urself in juvie michael 

 **muke:** billie we need to talk about all this shit ur not telling me

 **gremlin:** u dont want to hear my tragic backstory trust me

 **muke:** i think i do bj   
like u know everything about me  
and all i know about u is ur name and age and the fact that ur gay as shit

 **gremlin:** mike  
seriously  
no 

 **tree:** jeez when did this turn into a date   
but ☑

 **sockboy:** honestly it doesnt surprie me that tre has shot a gun

 **miey:** anywayss  
continuing   
never have i ever been so drunk i pissed the bed

 **farquaad fucker:** ☑  
mikey ur a bitch this isnt supposed to be exposing everyones secrets 

 **muke:** ☑  
i mean  
all in all it was a good night

 **gremlin:** not for me i was in the same fucking bed

 **brenny:** ☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑☑

 **miey:** brendon u only have to send 1 

 **brenny:** i sent 1 for every time i was drunk and pissed the bed 

 **frenk:** o dear thats a lot   
my turn  
never have i ever had to run really quickly away from a biker gang and ended up falling down a well and had to be rescuded by the fire brigade but they werent really firemen they were the biker gang in disguise   
☑

 **farquaad fucker:**...

 **president toro:**??

 **miey:** um what

 **frenk:** just me? damn

 **sockboy:** u were chased by a biker gang? 

 **frenk:** yup  
they were gonna kidnap me until i told them i knew the italian mafia and then they let me go  
theyre still scared of me to this day so if any of u guys need anything illegal to be done hmu and ill let my biker frens know   
they got me $5000 once 

 **brenny:** frank u cant be friends with a biker gang

 **frenk:** YES I CAN

 **gremlin:** never have i ever is boring now

 **muke:** what?? u scared someone might find out something about ur mysterious life

 **gremlin:** yes actually 

 **muke:** o 

 **brenny:** oH THIS REMINDS ME  
u know the kid i shoved down the stairs BY ACCIDENt 

 **miey:** how could we forget u almost getting framed for murder and then a epic failure of a roadtrip to nebraska 

 **brenny:** no need to be an asshat mikey   
and it would hev been MANSLAUGHTEr   
but anyway were frens now hes my fren

 **frenk:** is this why i have barely any frens?  
u have to shove people dows stairs to become frens?

 **sockboy:** apprehension so frank

 **muke:** oh god i knw whats coming necxt

 

 **\- brenny** added **Tyler Joseph** to **all hail spoppoy**

 

 **muke:** fuckiN TOLD YA 

 **gremlin:** brendon no this is squid only!!!  
*squad

 **president toro:** yeah brendon squid people only here  
go away if ur not a full squid 

 **miey:** u have to prove u have testicles to join this chat  
oH MY DEAR LORD NO   
*TENTACLES NOT TESTICLES I HAVE BROGHT SHAME ON THE SQUID FAMILY  
wait do quid have testicles   
nO   
*TENTACLES 

 **Tyler Joseph:** squids have tentacles AND testicles   
wikipedia is ur friend  
unlike brendon who likes to shove people down the stairs 

 **brenny:** um fuck u :/

 **tree:** squid facts with tyler 

 

 **\- muke** renamed the group **Tyler**

 

 **Tyler Joseph:** nice

 **muke:** fUCK I WAS TRYING TO NAME THE GROUP "SQUID FACST WITH TYLER" BUT I ACCIDENTALLY COPIED HIS NAME INSTEAD 

 **sockboy:** u know what i love about this chat  
a new person gets added and we all instantly bond w/ them its so nice and pure

 **Tyler Joseph:** i literally only know u guys from ur reputation/weird shit i see u do   
excepy for actual satan himseLF WHO SHOVED ME DOWN THF UCKKIG STARS

 **gremlin:** cough brendon cough

 **miey:** wow hes almost as illiterate as dallon 

 **farquaad fucker:** what do u know me from

 **Tyler Joseph:** ur always putting on eyeliner in class 

 **frenk:** ooh do me next

 **Tyler Joseph:** u yell at mr turner a lot 

 **sockboy:** do i even wanna know how u know me

 **Tyler Joseph:** "michigan is the powerhouse of the cell"

 **sockboy:** okay time for u to leave byeeeee

 

 **\- sockboy** removed **Tyler Joseph** from **Tyler**

 

 **brenny:** dAlLON NO THATSMY FRENDO   
ADD TYLER BACK  
and beside we cannot have a grup called tyler with no one called tyler in it 

 

 **\- gremlin** added **Tyler Joseph** to **Tyler**

 

 **gremlin:** my servic is urs mr satan 

 **brenny:** billie i stg

 **Tyler Joseph:** BILLIE OMG UR THAT ONE KID WHO CLIMBED UP ON THE STAGE AND SAID "MIKE DIRNST A DIRTY WHORE"   
THAT WAS FUCKING SICK 

 **muke:** um?? no it wasnt

 **Tyler Joseph:** oh shit my bad i forgot mikes also in this griup

 **gremlin:** yea we dont talk about those times  
they were bad tiems

 **brenny:** we call it the billie/mike/tre clusterfuck 

 **Tyler Joseph:** i remember the war  
is saw the fights  
even an outsider could see it was a bad time

 **president toro:** shut the fuck up with ur movie inner monologue 

 **brenny:** ray dont salt my friends

 **sockboy:** u donyt have any friends brendon 

 **brenny:** damn dallon no sex for u tonight 

 **sockboy:** fuck u 

 **brenny:** no

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** renamed the group **damn dallon back at it again**

 

 **farquaad fucker:** old meme 0/10

 **frenk:** 2/10 for trying   
beter luck next time ty

 

 **\- miey**  changed  **Tyler Joseph's**  nickname to **ty**

 

 **ty:** ty 

 **president toro:** wait were u repeating ur new name or saying thank u

 **ty:** the world will never know 


	43. back the fuck up there buddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JOSH! Also, this gets weird. Really weird.
> 
> Check this out http://archiveofourown.org/works/10828176

**ty:** ive been in this chat for 3 days and its already got me 2 detentions and a call to my paremts   
is there some satanic witchcraft shit thats turning me into a delinquent 

 **muke:** u were always a delinquent   
the chat just idk  
brings it out more ig 

 **ty:** im adding my fren btw 

 

 **\- ty** added **Josh Dun** to **Tyler**

 

 **brenny:** no tyler no  
u have to consult the elders before u add an outsider 

 **frenk:** brendon stop acting like u own the chat  
i created it  
ur only here bc gerard heard u screaming about doors 

 **brenny:** thank u gerard

 **farquaad fucker:** dont thank me thank my ears 

 **miey:** maKE THAT UR SENIOR QUOTE OMG   
"dont thank me thank my ears" - gerard way 

 **president toro:** actually frank u created the first chat  
this current chat was created by dallon  
i think

 **sockboy:** hA FUCK U BITCHES  
THAT MEANS I DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES  
i mean stays or goes   
whatevr

 **farquaad fucker:** darling u gotta let me know

 **gremlin:** should i stay or should i go

 **ty:** why isnt josh talking

 **Josh Dun:** bc this chat is actually terrifying to anyone who doesnt know whats happening 

 **ty:** i dot know what happening   
but yea u right it is pretty terrifying 

 **Josh Dun:** why is that 1 guy named sockboy 

 **brenny:** oh dallon?  
its bc i put my dick in a sock after billie told me to fuck a sock and dallon was upset that i didnt wanna put my dick in him

 **tree:** the norm 

 **frenk:** my nicknames frenk bc someone misspelled my name  
my names frank btw

 **miey:** frank literally everyoen knwos ur name 

 **Josh Dun:** welp  
tyelrs my fren so ig u guys ar emy frens now too

 **brenny:** yay frens  
ive never had this may frens at one time this is exciting and very new for me

 **Josh Dun:** this is still terrifying btw  
but also oddly hilarious   
like  
i wannaread back through everything rn 

 **ty:** already done that  
these guys are wild

 **miey:** that is a breach of trust tyler  
we are no longer frens

 **ty:** *horsefly gasp* 

 **Josh Dun:** horsefly 

 **tree:** horsefly, noun: a stoutly built fly, the female of which is a bloodsucker and inflicts painful bites on horses, humans, and other large mammals.

 **ty:** fuck u i meant horrifying 

 **sockboy:** its okay tyler  
u can be incinerate with me

 

 **\- Josh Dun**  changed **ty's**  nickname to **INCINERATE #1**

 

 **\- Josh Dun**  changed **sockboy's**  nickname to **INCINERATE #2**

 

 **INCINERATE #1:** joSH NO 

 **tree:** whoa  
back the fuck up there buddy   
theres only one person u can say NO to in this chat and thats me

 **frenk:** "back the fuck up there buddy" - tre cool 2017

 

 **\- gremlin** renamed the group **back the fuck up there buddy**

 

 **muke:** IM LEGIT CRYING   
IM FUCKING C R Y I N G

 **miey:** why   
are there onions?

 **muke:** no mikey wtf   
im in onion why would there be onions

 **miey:** what

 **muke:** i caNT SPELL BC IM LAUGNG RO HARD  
i meant im in MATT not onion

 **gremlin:** whos matt and why are u in him  
michael explain 

 **muke:** ffs  
*MATH   
billie ur sitting next to me u know im not in matt

 **farquaad fucker:** whos matt

 **frenk:** MIKE PLS JUST TELL US WHATS SO FUNNY

 **president toro:** itS NOT FUNNY IM BEING SENT TO RHE PRINCIPLA BC OF THIS DUMB CHAT

 **muke:** THE TEACHER ASKED RAY IF HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION BC HE WAS READING HIS PHONE AND BASICALLY THIS IS WHAT HAPPEND  
teacher - "ray are u paying attention"  
ray - "back the fuck up there buddy"

 **brenny:** hoLY FUCK IM DEAD   
RAY U IN SOME SHIT BOI

 **gremlin:** wait i didnt hear that

 **muke:** billie ur right next to me hOW

 **president toro:** FUCK U I SAID WHAT I WAS READING  
TRE WHY DID U HAVE TO SAY THAT

 **tree:** um? why me? i didnt do anything wrong

 **INCINERATE #1:** ur whole life is wrong tre

 **tree:** okay tyler were gonna have a problem if u keep acring like a bitch 

 **INCINERATE #2:** tyler is a bitch 

 **Josh Dun:** back the fuck up there buddy 

 **INCINERATE #2:** u back the fuck up fuckhead 

 **muke:** fuckhed fuckhead fuckhead 

 **INCINERATE #1:** beHAVE EVERYONE JFC

 **president toro:** the principal is calling my parents n i c e  
thx tre 

 **tree:** ur welcome 

 **president toro:** nO TRE NOT WELCOME   
alo the principal is taking my phone any second now

 **frenk:** but ray ur the president   
take his phone instead 

 **president toro:** yea fuck him ill take his phone

 **miey:** ray pls dont 

 **president toro:** he asked me to hand over my phone and iw as like "no u hand over urs" and he was like "no im the principal" and i was like "well fuck u im the president"   
ojay hes expellung me for a week 

 **farquaad fucker:** leMON PARTY V.2

 **Josh Dun:** whats a lemon party

 **INCINERATE #2:** u guys have so much catchibg up to do

 **Josh Dun:** im not talking to u  
u called tyler a bitch

 **INCINERATE #2:** what is he ur boyfriend 

 **Josh Dun:** yes actually

 **INCINERATE #2:** wat forreal 

 **INCINERATE #1:** yes dallon for real  
me and jsh are Gay™ together   
*josh

 

 **\- frenk**  changed **Josh Dun's**  nickname to **jsh**

 

 **farquaad fucker:** anyway dallon u werent even at the lemon party stop actng like u know it

 **brenny:** yes he was i snuck him trough the windo wremmeber 

 **frenk:** i remember those days  
the simple times before the war

 **gremlin:** ah yes   
the billie/mike/tre clusterfuck   
that reminds me i dont wanna be known as gremlin anymore someoen change it

 

 **\- jsh**  changed **gremlin's**  nickname to **not a gremlin**

 

 **jsh:** better?

 **not a gremlin:** wow thnx josh i had no idea u were so creative 

 **tree:** jfc i can almost tatse the sarcasm 

 **INCINERATE #1:** now lets all agree  
to never be creatiev again

 **farquaad fucker:** green is not a creative color

 **jsh:** i use my hair to express myself 

 **brenny:** that soudns really boring

 

 **  
jsh:** I̮̳̱͔̜͙ͨ̇́̈́̋̓ͫ̚ ̜̼̖̮̬̼̘̣͆̀̎̂ͫͥ̊͒ͯ̿̐̚U͈̙̲̭̮̳͔̫̟̙̜̼̞̼̖̅ͨ̾͗ͨͬ́͋̇͋̑͐ͅŜ͇̳̬̫̝́͛ͫ̾̊̈͆̾̂͒͋̏ͅE̦̪͈̮ͣͫ͛ͭ̎ͬ͆ͭ̈̏́ͪ̊̌͗͋̚ ͔̺͇̬̮̲͕̱̯͈̺̮̬̗̺̂̃͋͌̊͐̊̏̒̿ͨ͒̉̈́̂ͩ̒M̤͓̩̝ͭ͑̑ͭ̾̆̏͂̇̌̂̃͒Ỳ̘̻̰̞̬͎͍̼͎̞̙̝͇̻̬̾̿̅ͅ ̥̱͚̰͚̭̰̥̮͈͎͓̤̖̖̅̊ͥͭ̋ͬͬͭͯH̼̱̹̯͉͍͎̭͇͔̱̦̹͚͉͓̘͉̑̑͒̓ͨͭͥA̖̩̬͙͈̜̯͓͙̥̾̽͐̚I̙̹̘͍͉̜͈͚̗͐̃͒̎Ŕ̳͕͎͕͔͂̋̅̽̓ ͖̹̭̳̪̣̠̲̄ͨ̿́̃̈̿̍T͎̘̠̱̤͓̘͎̖̖͉͂̐̒́̈̓͐̎̈́̈͌̆̒ͣ̒Ó͇̻͖̦͎͉̗͕̪͎͔̖͉̒ͥ̈́̽͋̈́̑ͅ ̜͈̹͔͉̱͐ͦͣ̈́̾͐̂ͯE̞̜̱̤͙̪̣̙ͯ̅͒ͬ̇ͬͬͪ̾X̻̮͖͔̤̗̞̻̫̝̿̾ͦ̒P̗̠̫͔͍͇̠̟͈̰̰̠̐́ͯ̓̂̒́́̂R͔̣̫͎͍͍̤̬̼̻̱̜̲̰̜̘̜ͫ͛̽ͮͧͯ̈́̑́͊͗́̾̆̏E͕͉͚̺̲͎͚̟ͪͮ̃ͭͥ̆ͧ̈́S̙̹̻̺͎̦̪̲͚̗͉̘̻̣̲̺̜̣̒ͤͣ̌͆̿ͥ͋̔ͦ̀ͅṠ̻̙̦ͯͤͯ͊̋̏ͨͮͣ̂̂̃̆ ̖̳̖͍͚͔̫͕̟͕̙͎̺͎͛ͫͥ̒̅͐̈́̒̅ͬ̿ͩM̘̞̣̘̲̼͖̜̫͙͔̥͈̞̮̦̾͆ͤ̀ͪ̄̃ͣͪ͆ͮ́ͪ̊̏̓̍ͫY̹͉͍͍͎̫̓̏̒ͨ͊̃ͪ̈́͛̊ͤ͋S̰͈̫̫̓́̐̚Ȅ͇̩͚̻̗̞̣̺̹͆͗ͥͭ̋͐Ḽ̖̞̼̱̙̙̪̖͍̺̭͎̹̋̓̆̀̈F͓͙͈̼̩͔̞̤̤̊͗͌͂͑́͒̇̚ͅ

̰͙̝̖͓͉͎̻̯͎̫̘̠̭͔͉͓ͥ̂͌ͥ

  
**miey:**  nope  
im out  
one satanic fuckwit is enough for me  
but 2  
nope

 

 **\- miey** left **back the fuck up there buddy**

 

 **tree:** ngl that is mildly terrifying 

 

 

 **jsh:** t̲̥̬̜̳̲͓̮͕̯̙͇̙̥̹̠̗̮ͦ̊̓̂̍h̯̥͇͍̥̩͎̺͎̙͙̥͎̗̲̠̺̥ͨ̀̒́ͯ̾͒̓̏͋̄͆̑̂̑̽̚ͅe̲͕͍̙̝̭̫̊ͩ̒ͩͩͨ̉͐̐r̳͖̭̺͓̰̪͙̝͕̭̭ͨ̏̇̄̋ͅe̻̦͓͍̣ͮ̈́ͤ̿ **̟͔͙͙͕̘̗̞̫̮̣̖͚̯͎͈̳͇̗̍̂ͦͨ̉ͩ̎̄͊̀̏ͯ͂ͭi͎͕̝̻͕͍̰̠ͦ̇̀̓̃ͤ͋ͮs̬̞͉̘͙̄̈ͪ̈̅** ͓͓͕͙̖̥̪̫̦̜̹̘͚̞̼͎̙̳ͤͩ̋̀ **n̼̲͎̭͊̾ͭ̆ͩͪ̊̒ͩ̅o̫̭̗͙͉͔͑̽ͯ̓ͯ̅̅̃ͬ̈ͨͤͫ͂t̠̬̯̙̩̖̙̯̥ͯ̐̏͋ͪ̍̃h̟̖̰͖͕ͮͦͦ͐̃ỉ͖͓͎̭̒̽̓ͨ͛̓̎ͤ͗͆̅͋ṋ͎͍̫̓̋̋̑ͯ̓ͩͦ̽͑̐ͥġ̣̠̞̱̭͈̜̹̂̽ͣ̑ͣ̈́͋ͧͩ͊͆͆ͮ͂ ͇͙͖̖̬̤̭̖̞͔̣̤̜̘̮̣ͩͭ͒** t̞͖̦̣͙̹͚̖̫̬̪̺̦̯͚̋͛̂̀ͪ̂̊̃͆ͩ̂̂̉͂ͥ̚ỏ̥̪͇̜̝̣̲̝͇͍̯ͮͣ̑ ̘͇̯̥͚̀ͧͣ̍͋̆b͖̺̩̘͚̗͍̭͉̜ͧ͆̃ͭͪ̇͌̃͌ **e̯̪͙̫̎̒͒̏** ̯̱͚̺̮̙͉̬̙̋ͮ̃̒̂ͨͣ̍ͫ̐̐̿̌ͧ̄̚̚ͅa͉͈͈͙̖͚̪̰͖̻̬̠̻̙͎͚̽ͫ̃ͬ̾͊͂̍̌̑̊̔̊̚f͚͎̟̞͔̖̰ͨͫ̏ͧ̐͛ͭ̍ͫ͊ͮͯ̈́ͭ̈́ͩr̥̹̬̘̰̱͍̳̬ͩͣ͒̆̾̌́̆ͩͯ̋̈́͆̋a̩͈̪͈̙͓̘̣ͮ̈́͗̋ͫͩͣ̐̊̾̓̍ͬͫ̒ͫ̆̚̚ͅi̪͓̟̺͎̺͙̱̩͍̅̏̔ͮ͒d̹͇̰̜̭̱̲̯̓͊̉ͣ͆͆̍ͣ̋̀̾̎̑́͊ͫͦ ̣̹͇̥̬̖͙͎̟͙̟̓́͌͂̀ͅo̰̤̙̱͇̤̘̖̬͔͊͋̌ͭͯ̃̃̒f̗̞̰̗͓͖͓̭̰̺̦͙̬́ͪ̍̓̈́ͅ

**̖̪̱̗̓ͩͭ̀̓̎̂̄̓͛̈̾ͩ̇͂ͪ́̍**

**brenny:** are u /really/sure about that

 **frenk:** tyler control ur friend 

 **INCINERATE #1:** there is nothing to be afraid of  
there is nothing to be afraid of  
there is nothing to be afraid oft̼̪̰͙̔̎͐͗̂ͪ͒ͤh̢̺͉̫̜̘̲͎͇̍͋ͣ͑̾ë͑̎҉̨̠͖r͑ͫ͌̋͏̰͎̩̱͉̝̰̞̯e̶͇̮͈͕̱̓̾ ̭̊̎̏̿i̪̦̜̱͎͖̫ͬ͌̉s̭̱̙̤̯͚͌͐ͣͨ̿̕ ̐͋͒̈́̔̄͌ͯͧ҉̧̤̝͕͉̬͔̰͇͕n̷̲̺̩̼̞̻͉̺͙̄̊̕o͕̠͍͙͔ͭͩͨ͝t̟̮̞̦ͬ̀ͣ̅̄̅͑͜h̭͉̟̖͗̂͟ȋͣ̾ͪ͡͏̝̫̙̮ͅn̛̙̘̬̦͖͉̯ͩͯͧ̆̈́g̥̩͐ ̵̤̭̞̯̳͇̰̑̉̑̅͑t͖̻̮̼̖̞ͣͩ͒̐͒̊͝͠o̶̼̦̥̱̱̐̊ ̷͖̠̰͓̠͒͠ḃ̥͉̗͙̜̤ͤ͗͐̐͂̄̆̽͝e͍͈͒̋ͧ̂ ͍̺̟̱̝̜̼̓͋̍a̘̰ͪͪ̾f̯̐ͤ̊̂ͤ͗͢͜ͅr̻̠͚͍̻̝͉̬͑ͪͬ͊̏ą̥͖͆̓̚ͅi͇̩̖̔̚͠ͅd́̓̔͏̴͇̯̜̫͕ ̛͈̦͇̫̐̃̅ö̮̪͓̦̱̭́̓ͮ̕f̪̲̻̯͍͍͍̈́̔̕  
̸̵̮̖̻̹̝̦̹̲ͨ̆̌́͑̃ͬ́t̳̻͍͇̅̄ͦh̑̒̐̓̓͟͏̙̲e̡̺͎ͬͯ̌͒͆́ͅr̷̖̥͉͙͕̰͚̫ͤ̈̋ͥ́͒͞ͅe̱͙͎̺̖̠͋̀ ̵̝̈̚͜iͪ҉̟̲̦̠̦̲͉s̷̙̲̮͍̟͆͑ͣ͗͢ ̡̼͎͚ͭͣ̋̇ņ̵̶̗͎ͥ̉ơ̬̠ͬ̌̇ͧ̐̆ṭ̢̦̘̀ͬ͐̾͊ͨ͝h̻̗͍̺̜̠̜͚ͮͪ̄ͨ̎ͦ̄̉͝i̲͖͚̞ͥͨ́̂̈̌͌͒̊n̠̰͍̹͕͓͔̤̾̇ͣͩ̇̒̚͘ģ̠ͮ͌͌ͪ̽͂͆ͫ̚͝͞ ̭̹͚̺̱ͣͤ͞t̶͙̒̒̓ͬ͒̓͂́ö̧̦̻̮͌͑̊ͅ ̸͖̤͕̤̳̫̯̞͂͡b̨̫̻̞͊̃̿͑ͬͅe̷̳̖̼̺͓̙̫͆̑̽ͣ̿ͪ̿ ̶̭͙͚̠̺̝ͬ̊̋͐̾͒͢a͌̀̅͏̺̳͉͈̘̦f͐̓͏͍̞̦̟̻͖̩͠ŗ̤̗̘͗̈́̍ͯ̆͘͡ǎ̸͚̥̎̑͐̆̍͝ĩ͛̚͘͏̡̭̺ͅd̶̶ͬ̐ͨͭ̾ͣ҉̱̯̣̮͈̰͔̭ ͍̗̯̳͇͖̦̤ͨ͛͢o̾҉̭͇͠f̵͔͌̌̾͞  
̵̮̳̠͇̥͙̏t̷͙̗̜̩̺͎͚̯͐̒͒ͯͩͫ͆̆́͞h̙͍̫̼̯͈͙͔̙̊̃͂͟͝ë̷́̈ͩ̈ͨͮ͂̓҉͈̰̯̟̜̬̥̘ͅr͎̘̣̗̼̬̹̒̑͟ͅe̢͇̤̝̼̬̫̹̱͑͑͒̐͋̾ ̜͎̤ͬ̑̋̅͒́̃͡iͤ̈̀̓ͣ̃͏̙̜̹̱͈ͅͅs̋ͮ̓̊͊͏̡͕̝̟ ̼̗̣͓͋ͮ̊͒͑͞n̸͇̭͉͈͍̝̗̗̽̆̍͊̐̿̄ó̴͈̬̮̻̯̓̃̀ͫͤ͞t̴̫̦̰̯̭̤̯̰ͨ̚͜h̶̖͈̱͆̓i̛̬̪̭̮ͨ̾̓͂ͬ̏̋͟n̹̻̩̠͉̋ͮ̆g̢̺͈̪̮̪͆̍ͩ͆ ̥̱͉̯̞̜̟͊̅̒͑̿͂̈́̈́ͣ͡tͨ͂̍̓͘͏̱̙̱̗o̷̊ͩ͑ͩ̽̈́̇҉̶̦̳̻̝̠ ̜̭͈̝̲̫̠̪̊b̧̙̮̜̲͇ͦ̈́e̝͔̹͕̲͂̑̏̔̓̾͋͂͡ͅ ̼̹͇̮̖̜̦ͧ̓ă͕̺̻͝ͅf̵͚̭̬̯̺̩ͫr̳̲͈̞͔̦͕ͫ̎ͮ̕͜ã̶͍̦̳̪͗͒͂͗̾̀͑̉i̷̡̛̮̭ͪ͂ͩ̓ͧ̆ͬdͪ̈͗ͨ̈́͏̼̪̟ ̅̀͊̑͌҉̹͎̻̝̦̖̟͔o̴̙̗̱͔̖̲͚̜̓̂̆̃̕f̛̝͍̐̍̽ͧͬ͐͜t̼̪̰͙̔̎͐͗̂ͪ͒ͤh̢̺͉̫̜̘̲͎͇̍͋ͣ͑̾ë͑̎҉̨̠͖r͑ͫ͌̋͏̰͎̩̱͉̝̰̞̯e̶͇̮͈͕̱̓̾ ̭̊̎̏̿i̪̦̜̱͎͖̫ͬ͌̉s̭̱̙̤̯͚͌͐ͣͨ̿̕ ̐͋͒̈́̔̄͌ͯͧ҉̧̤̝͕͉̬͔̰͇͕n̷̲̺̩̼̞̻͉̺͙̄̊̕o͕̠͍͙͔ͭͩͨ͝t̟̮̞̦ͬ̀ͣ̅̄̅͑͜h̭͉̟̖͗̂͟ȋͣ̾ͪ͡͏̝̫̙̮ͅn̛̙̘̬̦͖͉̯ͩͯͧ̆̈́g̥̩͐ ̵̤̭̞̯̳͇̰̑̉̑̅͑t͖̻̮̼̖̞ͣͩ͒̐͒̊͝͠o̶̼̦̥̱̱̐̊ ̷͖̠̰͓̠͒͠ḃ̥͉̗͙̜̤ͤ͗͐̐͂̄̆̽͝e͍͈͒̋ͧ̂ ͍̺̟̱̝̜̼̓͋̍a̘̰ͪͪ̾f̯̐ͤ̊̂ͤ͗͢͜ͅr̻̠͚͍̻̝͉̬͑ͪͬ͊̏ą̥͖͆̓̚ͅi͇̩̖̔̚͠ͅd́̓̔͏̴͇̯̜̫͕ ̛͈̦͇̫̐̃̅ö̮̪͓̦̱̭́̓ͮ̕f̪̲̻̯͍͍͍̈́̔̕  
̸̵̮̖̻̹̝̦̹̲ͨ̆̌́͑̃ͬ́t̳̻͍͇̅̄ͦh̑̒̐̓̓͟͏̙̲e̡̺͎ͬͯ̌͒͆́ͅr̷̖̥͉͙͕̰͚̫ͤ̈̋ͥ́͒͞ͅe̱͙͎̺̖̠͋̀ ̵̝̈̚͜iͪ҉̟̲̦̠̦̲͉s̷̙̲̮͍̟͆͑ͣ͗͢ ̡̼͎͚ͭͣ̋̇ņ̵̶̗͎ͥ̉ơ̬̠ͬ̌̇ͧ̐̆ṭ̢̦̘̀ͬ͐̾͊ͨ͝h̻̗͍̺̜̠̜͚ͮͪ̄ͨ̎ͦ̄̉͝i̲͖͚̞ͥͨ́̂̈̌͌͒̊n̠̰͍̹͕͓͔̤̾̇ͣͩ̇̒̚͘ģ̠ͮ͌͌ͪ̽͂͆ͫ̚͝͞ ̭̹͚̺̱ͣͤ͞t̶͙̒̒̓ͬ͒̓͂́ö̧̦̻̮͌͑̊ͅ ̸͖̤͕̤̳̫̯̞͂͡b̨̫̻̞͊̃̿͑ͬͅe̷̳̖̼̺͓̙̫͆̑̽ͣ̿ͪ̿ ̶̭͙͚̠̺̝ͬ̊̋͐̾͒͢a͌̀̅͏̺̳͉͈̘̦f͐̓͏͍̞̦̟̻͖̩͠ŗ̤̗̘͗̈́̍ͯ̆͘͡ǎ̸͚̥̎̑͐̆̍͝ĩ͛̚͘͏̡̭̺ͅd̶̶ͬ̐ͨͭ̾ͣ҉̱̯̣̮͈̰͔̭ ͍̗̯̳͇͖̦̤ͨ͛͢o̾҉̭͇͠f̵͔͌̌̾͞  
̵̮̳̠͇̥͙̏t̷͙̗̜̩̺͎͚̯͐̒͒ͯͩͫ͆̆́͞h̙͍̫̼̯͈͙͔̙̊̃͂͟͝ë̷́̈ͩ̈ͨͮ͂̓҉͈̰̯̟̜̬̥̘ͅr͎̘̣̗̼̬̹̒̑͟ͅe̢͇̤̝̼̬̫̹̱͑͑͒̐͋̾ ̜͎̤ͬ̑̋̅͒́̃͡iͤ̈̀̓ͣ̃͏̙̜̹̱͈ͅͅs̋ͮ̓̊͊͏̡͕̝̟ ̼̗̣͓͋ͮ̊͒͑͞n̸͇̭͉͈͍̝̗̗̽̆̍͊̐̿̄ó̴͈̬̮̻̯̓̃̀ͫͤ͞t̴̫̦̰̯̭̤̯̰ͨ̚͜h̶̖͈̱͆̓i̛̬̪̭̮ͨ̾̓͂ͬ̏̋͟n̹̻̩̠͉̋ͮ̆g̢̺͈̪̮̪͆̍ͩ͆ ̥̱͉̯̞̜̟͊̅̒͑̿͂̈́̈́ͣ͡tͨ͂̍̓͘͏̱̙̱̗o̷̊ͩ͑ͩ̽̈́̇҉̶̦̳̻̝̠ ̜̭͈̝̲̫̠̪̊b̧̙̮̜̲͇ͦ̈́e̝͔̹͕̲͂̑̏̔̓̾͋͂͡ͅ ̼̹͇̮̖̜̦ͧ̓ă͕̺̻͝ͅf̵͚̭̬̯̺̩ͫr̳̲͈̞͔̦͕ͫ̎ͮ̕͜ã̶͍̦̳̪͗͒͂͗̾̀͑̉i̷̡̛̮̭ͪ͂ͩ̓ͧ̆ͬdͪ̈͗ͨ̈́͏̼̪̟ ̅̀͊̑͌҉̹͎̻̝̦̖̟͔o̴̙̗̱͔̖̲͚̜̓̂̆̃̕f̛̝͍̐̍̽ͧͬ͐͜t̼̪̰͙̔̎͐͗̂ͪ͒ͤh̢̺͉̫̜̘̲͎͇̍͋ͣ͑̾ë͑̎҉̨̠͖r͑ͫ͌̋͏̰͎̩̱͉̝̰̞̯e̶͇̮͈͕̱̓̾ ̭̊̎̏̿i̪̦̜̱͎͖̫ͬ͌̉s̭̱̙̤̯͚͌͐ͣͨ̿̕ ̐͋͒̈́̔̄͌ͯͧ҉̧̤̝͕͉̬͔̰͇͕n̷̲̺̩̼̞̻͉̺͙̄̊̕o͕̠͍͙͔ͭͩͨ͝t̟̮̞̦ͬ̀ͣ̅̄̅͑͜h̭͉̟̖͗̂͟ȋͣ̾ͪ͡͏̝̫̙̮ͅn̛̙̘̬̦͖͉̯ͩͯͧ̆̈́g̥̩͐ ̵̤̭̞̯̳͇̰̑̉̑̅͑t͖̻̮̼̖̞ͣͩ͒̐͒̊͝͠o̶̼̦̥̱̱̐̊ ̷͖̠̰͓̠͒͠ḃ̥͉̗͙̜̤ͤ͗͐̐͂̄̆̽͝e͍͈͒̋ͧ̂ ͍̺̟̱̝̜̼̓͋̍a̘̰ͪͪ̾f̯̐ͤ̊̂ͤ͗͢͜ͅr̻̠͚͍̻̝͉̬͑ͪͬ͊̏ą̥͖͆̓̚ͅi͇̩̖̔̚͠ͅd́̓̔͏̴͇̯̜̫͕ ̛͈̦͇̫̐̃̅ö̮̪͓̦̱̭́̓ͮ̕f̪̲̻̯͍͍͍̈́̔̕  
̸̵̮̖̻̹̝̦̹̲ͨ̆̌́͑̃ͬ́t̳̻͍͇̅̄ͦh̑̒̐̓̓͟͏̙̲e̡̺͎ͬͯ̌͒͆́ͅr̷̖̥͉͙͕̰͚̫ͤ̈̋ͥ́͒͞ͅe̱͙͎̺̖̠͋̀ ̵̝̈̚͜iͪ҉̟̲̦̠̦̲͉s̷̙̲̮͍̟͆͑ͣ͗͢ ̡̼͎͚ͭͣ̋̇ņ̵̶̗͎ͥ̉ơ̬̠ͬ̌̇ͧ̐̆ṭ̢̦̘̀ͬ͐̾͊ͨ͝h̻̗͍̺̜̠̜͚ͮͪ̄ͨ̎ͦ̄̉͝i̲͖͚̞ͥͨ́̂̈̌͌͒̊n̠̰͍̹͕͓͔̤̾̇ͣͩ̇̒̚͘ģ̠ͮ͌͌ͪ̽͂͆ͫ̚͝͞ ̭̹͚̺̱ͣͤ͞t̶͙̒̒̓ͬ͒̓͂́ö̧̦̻̮͌͑̊ͅ ̸͖̤͕̤̳̫̯̞͂͡b̨̫̻̞͊̃̿͑ͬͅe̷̳̖̼̺͓̙̫͆̑̽ͣ̿ͪ̿ ̶̭͙͚̠̺̝ͬ̊̋͐̾͒͢a͌̀̅͏̺̳͉͈̘̦f͐̓͏͍̞̦̟̻͖̩͠ŗ̤̗̘͗̈́̍ͯ̆͘͡ǎ̸͚̥̎̑͐̆̍͝ĩ͛̚͘͏̡̭̺ͅd̶̶ͬ̐ͨͭ̾ͣ҉̱̯̣̮͈̰͔̭ ͍̗̯̳͇͖̦̤ͨ͛͢o̾҉̭͇͠f̵͔͌̌̾͞  
̵̮̳̠͇̥͙̏t̷͙̗̜̩̺͎͚̯͐̒͒ͯͩͫ͆̆́͞h̙͍̫̼̯͈͙͔̙̊̃͂͟͝ë̷́̈ͩ̈ͨͮ͂̓҉͈̰̯̟̜̬̥̘ͅr͎̘̣̗̼̬̹̒̑͟ͅe̢͇̤̝̼̬̫̹̱͑͑͒̐͋̾ ̜͎̤ͬ̑̋̅͒́̃͡iͤ̈̀̓ͣ̃͏̙̜̹̱͈ͅͅs̋ͮ̓̊͊͏̡͕̝̟ ̼̗̣͓͋ͮ̊͒͑͞n̸͇̭͉͈͍̝̗̗̽̆̍͊̐̿̄ó̴͈̬̮̻̯̓̃̀ͫͤ͞t̴̫̦̰̯̭̤̯̰ͨ̚͜h̶̖͈̱͆̓i̛̬̪̭̮ͨ̾̓͂ͬ̏̋͟n̹̻̩̠͉̋ͮ̆g̢̺͈̪̮̪͆̍ͩ͆ ̥̱͉̯̞̜̟͊̅̒͑̿͂̈́̈́ͣ͡tͨ͂̍̓͘͏̱̙̱̗o̷̊ͩ͑ͩ̽̈́̇҉̶̦̳̻̝̠ ̜̭͈̝̲̫̠̪̊b̧̙̮̜̲͇ͦ̈́e̝͔̹͕̲͂̑̏̔̓̾͋͂͡ͅ ̼̹͇̮̖̜̦ͧ̓ă͕̺̻͝ͅf̵͚̭̬̯̺̩ͫr̳̲͈̞͔̦͕ͫ̎ͮ̕͜ã̶͍̦̳̪͗͒͂͗̾̀͑̉i̷̡̛̮̭ͪ͂ͩ̓ͧ̆ͬdͪ̈͗ͨ̈́͏̼̪̟ ̅̀͊̑͌҉̹͎̻̝̦̖̟͔o̴̙̗̱͔̖̲͚̜̓̂̆̃̕f̛̝͍̐̍̽ͧͬ͐͜t̼̪̰͙̔̎͐͗̂ͪ͒ͤh̢̺͉̫̜̘̲͎͇̍͋ͣ͑̾ë͑̎҉̨̠͖r͑ͫ͌̋͏̰͎̩̱͉̝̰̞̯e̶͇̮͈͕̱̓̾ ̭̊̎̏̿i̪̦̜̱͎͖̫ͬ͌̉s̭̱̙̤̯͚͌͐ͣͨ̿̕ ̐͋͒̈́̔̄͌ͯͧ҉̧̤̝͕͉̬͔̰͇͕n̷̲̺̩̼̞̻͉̺͙̄̊̕o͕̠͍͙͔ͭͩͨ͝t̟̮̞̦ͬ̀ͣ̅̄̅͑͜h̭͉̟̖͗̂͟ȋͣ̾ͪ͡͏̝̫̙̮ͅn̛̙̘̬̦͖͉̯ͩͯͧ̆̈́g̥̩͐ ̵̤̭̞̯̳͇̰̑̉̑̅͑t͖̻̮̼̖̞ͣͩ͒̐͒̊͝͠o̶̼̦̥̱̱̐̊ ̷͖̠̰͓̠͒͠ḃ̥͉̗͙̜̤ͤ͗͐̐͂̄̆̽͝e͍͈͒̋ͧ̂ ͍̺̟̱̝̜̼̓͋̍a̘̰ͪͪ̾f̯̐ͤ̊̂ͤ͗͢͜ͅr̻̠͚͍̻̝͉̬͑ͪͬ͊̏ą̥͖͆̓̚ͅi͇̩̖̔̚͠ͅd́̓̔͏̴͇̯̜̫͕ ̛͈̦͇̫̐̃̅ö̮̪͓̦̱̭́̓ͮ̕f̪̲̻̯͍͍͍̈́̔̕  
̸̵̮̖̻̹̝̦̹̲ͨ̆̌́͑̃ͬ́t̳̻͍͇̅̄ͦh̑̒̐̓̓͟͏̙̲e̡̺͎ͬͯ̌͒͆́ͅr̷̖̥͉͙͕̰͚̫ͤ̈̋ͥ́͒͞ͅe̱͙͎̺̖̠͋̀ ̵̝̈̚͜iͪ҉̟̲̦̠̦̲͉s̷̙̲̮͍̟͆͑ͣ͗͢ ̡̼͎͚ͭͣ̋̇ņ̵̶̗͎ͥ̉ơ̬̠ͬ̌̇ͧ̐̆ṭ̢̦̘̀ͬ͐̾͊ͨ͝h̻̗͍̺̜̠̜͚ͮͪ̄ͨ̎ͦ̄̉͝i̲͖͚̞ͥͨ́̂̈̌͌͒̊n̠̰͍̹͕͓͔̤̾̇ͣͩ̇̒̚͘ģ̠ͮ͌͌ͪ̽͂͆ͫ̚͝͞ ̭̹͚̺̱ͣͤ͞t̶͙̒̒̓ͬ͒̓͂́ö̧̦̻̮͌͑̊ͅ ̸͖̤͕̤̳̫̯̞͂͡b̨̫̻̞͊̃̿͑ͬͅe̷̳̖̼̺͓̙̫͆̑̽ͣ̿ͪ̿ ̶̭͙͚̠̺̝ͬ̊̋͐̾͒͢a͌̀̅͏̺̳͉͈̘̦f͐̓͏͍̞̦̟̻͖̩͠ŗ̤̗̘͗̈́̍ͯ̆͘͡ǎ̸͚̥̎̑͐̆̍͝ĩ͛̚͘͏̡̭̺ͅd̶̶ͬ̐ͨͭ̾ͣ҉̱̯̣̮͈̰͔̭ ͍̗̯̳͇͖̦̤ͨ͛͢o̾҉̭͇͠f̵͔͌̌̾͞  
̵̮̳̠͇̥͙̏t̷͙̗̜̩̺͎͚̯͐̒͒ͯͩͫ͆̆́͞h̙͍̫̼̯͈͙͔̙̊̃͂͟͝ë̷́̈ͩ̈ͨͮ͂̓҉͈̰̯̟̜̬̥̘ͅr͎̘̣̗̼̬̹̒̑͟ͅe̢͇̤̝̼̬̫̹̱͑͑͒̐͋̾ ̜͎̤ͬ̑̋̅͒́̃͡iͤ̈̀̓ͣ̃͏̙̜̹̱͈ͅͅs̋ͮ̓̊͊͏̡͕̝̟ ̼̗̣͓͋ͮ̊͒͑͞n̸͇̭͉͈͍̝̗̗̽̆̍͊̐̿̄ó̴͈̬̮̻̯̓̃̀ͫͤ͞t̴̫̦̰̯̭̤̯̰ͨ̚͜h̶̖͈̱͆̓i̛̬̪̭̮ͨ̾̓͂ͬ̏̋͟n̹̻̩̠͉̋ͮ̆g̢̺͈̪̮̪͆̍ͩ͆ ̥̱͉̯̞̜̟͊̅̒͑̿͂̈́̈́ͣ͡tͨ͂̍̓͘͏̱̙̱̗o̷̊ͩ͑ͩ̽̈́̇҉̶̦̳̻̝̠ ̜̭͈̝̲̫̠̪̊b̧̙̮̜̲͇ͦ̈́e̝͔̹͕̲͂̑̏̔̓̾͋͂͡ͅ ̼̹͇̮̖̜̦ͧ̓ă͕̺̻͝ͅf̵͚̭̬̯̺̩ͫr̳̲͈̞͔̦͕ͫ̎ͮ̕͜ã̶͍̦̳̪͗͒͂͗̾̀͑̉i̷̡̛̮̭ͪ͂ͩ̓ͧ̆ͬdͪ̈͗ͨ̈́͏̼̪̟ ̅̀͊̑͌҉̹͎̻̝̦̖̟͔o̴̙̗̱͔̖̲͚̜̓̂̆̃̕f̛̝͍̐̍̽ͧͬ͐͜t̼̪̰͙̔̎͐͗̂ͪ͒ͤh̢̺͉̫̜̘̲͎͇̍͋ͣ͑̾ë͑̎҉̨̠͖r͑ͫ͌̋͏̰͎̩̱͉̝̰̞̯e̶͇̮͈͕̱̓̾ ̭̊̎̏̿i̪̦̜̱͎͖̫ͬ͌̉s̭̱̙̤̯͚͌͐ͣͨ̿̕ ̐͋͒̈́̔̄͌ͯͧ҉̧̤̝͕͉̬͔̰͇͕n̷̲̺̩̼̞̻͉̺͙̄̊̕o͕̠͍͙͔ͭͩͨ͝t̟̮̞̦ͬ̀ͣ̅̄̅͑͜h̭͉̟̖͗̂͟ȋͣ̾ͪ͡͏̝̫̙̮ͅn̛̙̘̬̦͖͉̯ͩͯͧ̆̈́g̥̩͐ ̵̤̭̞̯̳͇̰̑̉̑̅͑t͖̻̮̼̖̞ͣͩ͒̐͒̊͝͠o̶̼̦̥̱̱̐̊ ̷͖̠̰͓̠͒͠ḃ̥͉̗͙̜̤ͤ͗͐̐͂̄̆̽͝e͍͈͒̋ͧ̂ ͍̺̟̱̝̜̼̓͋̍a̘̰ͪͪ̾f̯̐ͤ̊̂ͤ͗͢͜ͅr̻̠͚͍̻̝͉̬͑ͪͬ͊̏ą̥͖͆̓̚ͅi͇̩̖̔̚͠ͅd́̓̔͏̴͇̯̜̫͕ ̛͈̦͇̫̐̃̅ö̮̪͓̦̱̭́̓ͮ̕f̪̲̻̯͍͍͍̈́̔̕  
̸̵̮̖̻̹̝̦̹̲ͨ̆̌́͑̃ͬ́t̳̻͍͇̅̄ͦh̑̒̐̓̓͟͏̙̲e̡̺͎ͬͯ̌͒͆́ͅr̷̖̥͉͙͕̰͚̫ͤ̈̋ͥ́͒͞ͅe̱͙͎̺̖̠͋̀ ̵̝̈̚͜iͪ҉̟̲̦̠̦̲͉s̷̙̲̮͍̟͆͑ͣ͗͢ ̡̼͎͚ͭͣ̋̇ņ̵̶̗͎ͥ̉ơ̬̠ͬ̌̇ͧ̐̆ṭ̢̦̘̀ͬ͐̾͊ͨ͝h̻̗͍̺̜̠̜͚ͮͪ̄ͨ̎ͦ̄̉͝i̲͖͚̞ͥͨ́̂̈̌͌͒̊n̠̰͍̹͕͓͔̤̾̇ͣͩ̇̒̚͘ģ̠ͮ͌͌ͪ̽͂͆ͫ̚͝͞ ̭̹͚̺̱ͣͤ͞t̶͙̒̒̓ͬ͒̓͂́ö̧̦̻̮͌͑̊ͅ ̸͖̤͕̤̳̫̯̞͂͡b̨̫̻̞͊̃̿͑ͬͅe̷̳̖̼̺͓̙̫͆̑̽ͣ̿ͪ̿ ̶̭͙͚̠̺̝ͬ̊̋͐̾͒͢a͌̀̅͏̺̳͉͈̘̦f͐̓͏͍̞̦̟̻͖̩͠ŗ̤̗̘͗̈́̍ͯ̆͘͡ǎ̸͚̥̎̑͐̆̍͝ĩ͛̚͘͏̡̭̺ͅd̶̶ͬ̐ͨͭ̾ͣ҉̱̯̣̮͈̰͔̭ ͍̗̯̳͇͖̦̤ͨ͛͢o̾҉̭͇͠f̵͔͌̌̾͞  
̵̮̳̠͇̥͙̏t̷͙̗̜̩̺͎͚̯͐̒͒ͯͩͫ͆̆́͞h̙͍̫̼̯͈͙͔̙̊̃͂͟͝ë̷́̈ͩ̈ͨͮ͂̓҉͈̰̯̟̜̬̥̘ͅr͎̘̣̗̼̬̹̒̑͟ͅe̢͇̤̝̼̬̫̹̱͑͑͒̐͋̾ ̜͎̤ͬ̑̋̅͒́̃͡iͤ̈̀̓ͣ̃͏̙̜̹̱͈ͅͅs̋ͮ̓̊͊͏̡͕̝̟ ̼̗̣͓͋ͮ̊͒͑͞n̸͇̭͉͈͍̝̗̗̽̆̍͊̐̿̄ó̴͈̬̮̻̯̓̃̀ͫͤ͞t̴̫̦̰̯̭̤̯̰ͨ̚͜h̶̖͈̱͆̓i̛̬̪̭̮ͨ̾̓͂ͬ̏̋͟n̹̻̩̠͉̋ͮ̆g̢̺͈̪̮̪͆̍ͩ͆ ̥̱͉̯̞̜̟͊̅̒͑̿͂̈́̈́ͣ͡tͨ͂̍̓͘͏̱̙̱̗o̷̊ͩ͑ͩ̽̈́̇҉̶̦̳̻̝̠ ̜̭͈̝̲̫̠̪̊b̧̙̮̜̲͇ͦ̈́e̝͔̹͕̲͂̑̏̔̓̾͋͂͡ͅ ̼̹͇̮̖̜̦ͧ̓ă͕̺̻͝ͅf̵͚̭̬̯̺̩ͫr̳̲͈̞͔̦͕ͫ̎ͮ̕͜ã̶͍̦̳̪͗͒͂͗̾̀͑̉i̷̡̛̮̭ͪ͂ͩ̓ͧ̆ͬdͪ̈͗ͨ̈́͏̼̪̟ ̅̀͊̑͌҉̹͎̻̝̦̖̟͔o̴̙̗̱͔̖̲͚̜̓̂̆̃̕f̛̝͍̐̍̽ͧͬ͐͜

 

 **not a gremlin:** uhh  
okay this chat is usually completely fucked up and weird as shit  
but this is actually scary 

 **muke:** im just waiting for satan to crawl out of my phone

 **INCINERATE #2:** brendon wont fit in ur phone

 **brenny:** haha ur funny 

 **farquaad fucker:** i knew letting tyler and josh in was a bad idea 

 **jsh:** E̲ͤ͊ͮV̶̶͚̖̌͋̿͐̊E̷̖̙̠̟̬̥̽͐̽́ͬͅR̍̈́͊҉̺̣̝̯̰̘͘͠Y̡̨̫̦͖͓̞͉̓ͮ͐̈́̏̓ͨ͝ͅǑͬͯ̇͏̰̮̰͕͝N̨͕̔̔́E̵͈͕͇̭̻̬̤͂̔̕ ̧͖̭͚̘̝̳̳̟͑̀̚M̟̭̖̹̖̘͔̱̍ͭ̎̆͋ͅA̗̻̋͂̓̋̈́Ḵ̢̡̺̭͕̮̤̗ͥE̶̶̳̳̯̩̘͓̦ͬͮ͆͑ͪ̉͡S̹̟̥̣̜̠̰͛͊ͪ̃͆̌͞ ͓͇̣̫͖̐ͤ̿̎̈́͗ͫͬ͟M̵̧̼̪̣͂Į̭͔̹̱̮̮̻͕́ͭͤ͛̀͑S̫̱͚̟̅ͣT̨͔̞͂̋͗̚͟A̴̛̼̥̘͉̦̬͚ͦ͆ͨ͘ͅĶ̵̢̜͙̤̳̫̗̙̭̐̊̔ͤE̴̗̳͔͍̪͌ͥ͒͞S̴̤̟̙̥̥̞̳͋̒̔  
t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬t̞͉̳̥̦̄̑͊̃̾̄͌ͅh̻̦̣ę̫̙͍̑́͗ȓ̪̦͆̃͑͒e̙͉̺̲̓́̓ͥ̈̕ ̴̰͙̲͔̙̹̐͂i̟̟̗̝̗̰̇͟s̛͉̺͔̮͈͎̑ͪͥͣ ̠̯̠͈͉̖͍ͤ̔̔̀n̗͉̿͗́̀o͙̼̗͖t̨̫̺̐͐h͔̓̒̓ͦ̓͋̕i̵̼̼̭n̥͈͍͉͕ͫ͂̓̈̾̕ǵͣ ̖̩̞̎̌ͫt̅̈ͥ̚o̱̲̱͉̲͖͋ͩͮ̈́͛ ̝̻̣͖̼͓͉̽ͩ͌̉͢b̬̞̻̜͉ͥ̀̊̎̄e̵͙͓̟̠̱ͪͩ͐ͭ ͉̬͙̤̻̜͍ͬ̚a̳̋̒f̻͎̹͔͍͖̥̎̐̽̓̿͢r͍͖a̤̘̖͈̾͗i̡͉̓̇̀̑̐͛d̨̝͔́͊̊ͯͪͯ ͐̉̀ͪ̉ͨ͂҉̺͙̦͕̤o̜͎ͫ̄̓͛ͪ̚͞f̺ͥ͛̈́̂̅̚  
̣͔̪͇̺͚̋t̘͎̍ͩ̃̅ͮͅh̪͓͕͍͋̋͗e͓͍̗̩̟̽ͫͮ̿̃r̪̮̖͚̫̼͍̽͂ĕ̡͔̳͎͍̗̇́̃́͌͌ ̣͔̰́i͋́̏̋͏̩͈͚̱͇s̶̲̱̫̫̹̤̊̍̓ͦͦ͑ ̻̠̩̠̭͇̄ṉ̬͗ͪͨͨo̢̺̭̭ͯt̬͚ͣ̈́͘h͛̆̔͂i̮̙̰͕͓̗ͣ̈́̑ͧ̄̓̚n̳͈͔͜g̠̙̘͍͍  
̘n̼͙̹͕ͬ̓̃ͭ͞ ͚̳̗̲̯̈́͂́̑̃̇͋o̬͕͗̋͟ͅ ͗̈́̿͛͌͘t͈̺̭͉̮̭͑̉͗͋̉ ̩̊ͭh̢̻̣̲͔̜̰̟̓̈ ͕͉̗̭ͨ͒̉ͬ͊̄ͅḭ̯̳̹͝ ̹̣͙͉͎̺ͤ͌̚n̙̙̦͕̻̭͡ ͉͉ͅġ̙͒  
̴̿ͮN̰͓̻͖̯̯ͣͬͧ ͔̼͕̮̯̯̖ͪ̓ͥỌͨͣ͒̂ ̦̘͎̅ͧ̽ͤͤ̏ͩ̕ͅṰ̶̯͚̰̺̻̋ͣ͆ͤͯ̓ͭͅ ̭̹̘̱̩͉̣ͫͥͩ̇ͩ͠H͈̱̼̭̞ ̱̖͙̲͖̩͐͝I̫͖̟̰̐̐ͬ́̊̉ ̤̻̻̐̆ͤ̃Ṇ̡͈͈͙̗̹̓̾͋̆ ̷̮̰̞̹̄̓̓̈́G̶͚͎͇̞̖̬

 

**Error 0087910: THREAT HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED  
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REACTIVATE**
    
    
    CONNECTION LOST DUE TO UNKNOWN ERROR  
    
    XBL government web server 13:35PM 5/5/2017 
    Case File 14-8-64-0-96
    NOT FOR PUBLIC ACCESS
    **TERMINATED FOR PUBLIC SAFETY**


	44. an abundance of dallons

**\- Josh Dun**  added **Tyler Joseph, Brendon Urie, Dallon Weekes, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Billie Joe Armstrong, Frank Iero, Mike Dirnt, Tré Cool and Ray Toro** to  **IM SORRY**

 

 **Josh Dun:** guys  
talk to me  
im sorry 

 **Tré Cool:** okay

 **Mikey Way:** go away josh

 

 **\- Mikey Way** removed **Josh Dun** from **IM SORRY**

 

 **Tyler Joseph:** he said hes sorry mikey 

 **Brendon Urie:** soRRY DOEST BRING OUR CHAT BACK DOES IT TYLER

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** added **Josh Dun** to **IM SORRY**

 

 **Josh Dun:** BEFORE U GET BITCHY AND REMOVE ME AGAIN  
I. AM. SORRY.

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** josh  
our beloved chat got TERMINATED by the GOVERNMENT bc of u

 **Josh Dun:** yes billie i know thanks for ur input  
but i said sorry what more do u want

 **Ray Toro:** for u to go away  
be gone beast

 

 **\- Ray Toro** removed **Josh Dun** from **IM SORRY**

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** added **Josh Dun** to **IM SORRY**

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** renamed the group **everyone stop removing josh**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt** renamed the group **no**

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** renamed the group **yeS**

 

 **\- Josh Dun** renamed the group **sorry i got the chat terminated by the government**

 

 **\- Frank Iero** renamed the group **no one cares**

 

 **\- Gerard Way** renamed the group **WHATS DONE IS DONE (but fuck u josh)**

 

 **Dallon Weekes:** thE ONE FUCKING TIME IM DOING GOOD IN ENGLISH I GET SENT OUT BECAUSE OF NOTIFICATIONS 

 **Brendon Urie:** dallon tell the truth  
u got sent out for calling me a cuntmonkey 

 **Dallon Weekes:** but u are a cuntmonkey tho

 

 **\- Josh Dun**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **cuntmonkey**

 

 **cuntmonkey:** joSH   
FUCK OFF

 

 **\- cuntmonkey**  changed **Josh Dun's**  nickname to **josh is a fuckstick**

 

 **josh is a fuckstick:** tyler look  
look what satan did to me

 **cuntmonkey:** oH IM SATAN?  
UR THE ONE WHO FUCKING SUMMONED HIM INTO OUR CHAT AND ALERTED THE GOVERNMENT AND GOT US ALL IN TROUBLE WITH THE PRESIDENT

 **Gerard Way:** okay but it was funny when ray was like "im the president the chat doesnt lie"

 **Ray Toro:** but the chat DOESNT lie

 **Mikey Way:** so if the chat says josh is a bitch then josh really is a bitch right

 **Ray Toro:** yes mikoy

 

 **\- josh is a fuckstick**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **mikoy**

 

 **\- mikoy** renamed the group **josh is a bitch**

 

 **Tyler Joseph:** i got kicked out bc of notifications can we put this behind us and go hang on the roof or some shit

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** the roof is off bounds now  
the principal has put cameras up there

 **Mike Dirnt:** only bc tre fell off and landed in his arms and spawned a load of fanfictions about the two of them

 **Tyler Joseph:** so smash the cameras?? u guys arent v smart are u

 **Dallon Weekes:** um fuck u?

 **Tyler Joseph:** um suck my dick??

 **cuntmonkey:** um dallon isnt sucking anyones dick except mine???

 **josh is a fuckstick:** um its up to dallon to make his own life choices????

 **Tyler Joseph:** um josh ur my boyfriend u shouldht let anyone suck my dick?????

 **josh is a fuckstick:** shit u right??????

 

 **\- Frank Iero** renamed the group **??????**

 

 **mikoy:** gerard do u know mom and dad are super pissed at us for getting in trouble with the government right

 **Gerard Way:** yes mikey i know im just choosing to ignore them

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** ignoring ur parents is rude gerard

 **Gerard Way:** billie suck a donkeys dick   
ur rude too

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** but not to my parents 

 **Mike Dirnt:** oh yea that reminds me  
when are u gonna tell ur parents about us bj

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** hm let me see  
never

 **Mike Dirnt:** jfc   
i told my parents about us ages ago 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** ur parents are ncie tho

 **josh is a fuckstick:** urs arent?

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** nobody asked u fuckstick   
swiftly moving on  
tylers idea of chillin on the roof sounds kewl lets go

 **Mike Dirnt:** billie pls dont just get up and walk out of class again  
oh   
u already did  
stop making faces through the door  
stOP  
aaaaaand ive been kicked out

 **Ray Toro:** a thrilling saga

 **Frank Iero:** billies like that one movie character whos really mysterious and no one knows their past but its really tragic 

 **Tyler Joseph:** im curious now  
billie do u haave a tragic past

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** wow would u look at the time  
time for tyler to shut the fuck up 

 **Tré Cool:** im also curious btw

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** stop asking questions u dont wanna know the answers to  
u know hwat they say  
curiosity killed the cat

 **Gerard Way:** whos they

 **josh is a fuckstick:** they are no one  
and also everyone

 **cuntmonkey:** josh stop being weird

 

 **\- mikoy** renamed the group **josh stop being weird**

 

 **\- josh is a fuckstick** renamed the group **josh isnt here**

 

 **Dallon Weekes:** u know im always gonna remember this as "that one time josh got us all in trouble with the actual real government"

 **cuntmonkey:** ah yes  
as opposed to the time josh got us all in trouble with the fake government 

 **mikoy:** i dont remember that

 **cuntmonkey:** then u must have brian damage 

 **Tré Cool:** but whos brian 

 **Frank Iero:** brian damage  
cant u read tre

 **Tré Cool:** no my names dallon

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **dallon**

 

 **dallon:** hey dallon look im u now

 **Dallon Weekes:** rad

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **other dallon**

 

 **also dallon:** so many dallon  
too much dallon

 **Tyler Joseph:** the word dallon makes no sense at all

 

 **\- Mike dirnt**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **also dallon**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Tyler Joseph's**  nickname to **not dallon**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **josh is a fuckstick's**  nickname to **not dallon either**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **cuntmonkey's**  nickname **definitely not dallon**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Ray Toro's**  nickname to **maybe dallon**

 

 **definitely not dallon:** mike change them back

 **maybe dallon:** first fish, then literally shut the fuck up, now dallon

 **other dallon:** i kinda like this  
its like haveing a small army of me

 **not dallon either:** i suddenly regret ever becoming frens with brendon

 **dallon:** this episode of group chat:  
an abundance of dallons

 

 **\- not dallon** renamed the group **an abundance of dallons**

 

 **other dallon:** dallon can confim that dallon likes the dallons

 **also dallon:** my dallon hurts  
BRAIN  
I MEANT BRAIN  
fuc k 


	45. why be the pacific when u can be the atlantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for some drama

**\- Mike Dirnt** removed **also dallon** from **an abundance of dallons**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** billies still asleep so hopefully he wont notice i removed him from the chat  
anyhoo  
i need ur help

 **dallon:** lemme check my diary  
it said no 

 **Mike Dirnt:** dont be such a fuckhead tre  
its about the mystery that is billies life

 **definitely not dallon:** ill helP  
but only if u sort out this mess of dallons

 **other dallon:** no brnedon no  
i like it  
i like the many dallons

 **not dallon:** sign me tf up i love being nosy 

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt** renamed the group **operation do NOT tell billie whats going on**

 

 **not dallon either:** wait what arerent we allowed to tell billie about

 **not dallon:** we're finding out his past with mike 

 **not dallon either:** ooh count me in this souunds fun  
scooby doo

 **mikoy:** harry truman   
u guys remember that conversation

 **Gerard Way:** yes mikey we remember ur freaky obsession with harry truman 

 **mikoy:** aight no need to be fucking rude 

 **maybe dallon:** heres a deal  
well all help u mike   
but only if u change our names back to something a little less... dallon

 **Mike Dirnt:** ugh fine  
ruin my fun  
ur all getting shitty nicknames btw

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **maybe dallon's**  nickname to **rayman**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **definitely not dallon's**  nickname to **brenny**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **not dallon's**  nickname to **tyjo**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **not dallon either's**  nickname to **joosh**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **other dallon's**  nickname to **dally**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **dallon's**  nickname to **tray**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to **fronk**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **gayrard**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed their own nickname to **mook**

 

 **tray:** 1/10 coulda donw better

 **mook:** im not looking for votes im looking for help  
u in or nah

 **dally:** isnt this like  
betraying ur boyfriends trust  
and prying into his pribate life  
and just generally being an ass

 **mook:** absoulutely 

 **dally:** aight im in

 **rayman:** isnt billie gonna notice hs isnt getting 263789402876 notifications a minute

 **mook:** thats where ur wrong raymond  
i have taken his phone and i have gone outside  
that way he cannot see his phone to see hes no longer part of the squad and he cannot see my phone to see what im doing 

 **joosh:** smart

 **mook:** ty josh  
anyway  
first of all dos anyone kkn0w anything that they wanna tell me

 **tray:** yes actually  
u know that time u yelled at frank for eating all the brownies  
it was actually me

 **mook:** i meant about billie u unripe tomato  
wait that was u

 **fronk:** i fucKCING TOLD U IT WASNT ME MIKE  
HOWS ABOUT A LITTLE TRUST NEXT TIME BUDDY

 **gayrard:** i dont like my nickname or this idea  
billies our fren u guys we shouldnt be doing this

 **fronk:** gerard dont be such a chamber pot

 **mikoy:** chaMBER BOT IM SCRRECHING

 **tyjo:** "chamber bot" mikey no

 **dally:** bot pot  
POT BOT

 **brenny:** rain drop  
drop top  
mikey cant spell chamber pot

 **rayman:** ooh nice meme 10/10 

 **brenny:** thank u ray  i try 

 **mikoy:** 0/10 not a nice meme bc it involves me

 **gayrard:** shut up mikey u are a meme

 

 **\- tyjo**  changed **mikoy's**  nickname to **memekey**

 

 **memekey:** 0/10 tyler bad nickname

 **tyjo:** 0/10 mikey kiss my ass

 **joosh:** 0/10 only im allowed to kiss tylers ass

 **mook:** 0/10 TO EVERYONE FOR NOT HELPING ME 

 **tray:** whAT DO U EVEN WANT US TO DO MIKE JFC  
DO U WANT ME TO BREAK INTO BILLIES HOUSE AND FIND OUT SOME SPOOKY SECRETS

 **mook:** yea okay

 **tray:** aight wheres he live

 **tyjo:** wait u dont know where ur best freiend lives

 **brenny:** that isnt suspicious at all

 **gayrard:** no ones breaking into billies house wtf is wring with u guys

 **mook:** ive never actually been to his house  
but tre ill pm u the number and street 

 **joosh:** whY HAVE U NEVER BEEN TO UR BOYFRIENDS HOUSE   
HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN HIM

 **mook:** liKE 6 YEARS JOSH BUTT OUT OMG

 **tyjo:** ive known hosh for like 2 years and ive been to his house pretty mcub every day   
hell ive known brendon for like 2 weeks and ive been to his house 4 times

 **brenny:** yes but u werent invited were u tyler

 **tyjo:** thats irrelevant 

 **brenny:** ur irrelevant 

 **fronk:** thIS WHOLE GODDAMN CONVERSATUON IS IRRELEVANT   
MIKE GET ON WITH WHAT U WANT US TO DO 

 **mook:** WELL I WANT U TO TELL ME IF BILLIES EVER SAID ANYTHING WEIRD TO ANY OF U

 **rayman:** literally everything billie says is weird   
be a lil more pacific 

 **dally:** why be pacific when u can be atlantic 

 

 **\- gayrard** renamed the group **why be the pacific when u can be the atlantic**

 

 **mook:** im removing u all from my will  
fuck u all

 **joosh:** why do u have a will arent u like 12

 **mook:** shut up ur like 7

 **tyjo:** if josh is 7 im 7 too

 **mook:** anYWAY   
i have a will bc when billie finds out about this he will murder me

 **gayrard:** WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WE SHOULDNT BE DOIG THIS  
IM SURE BILLIES JUST HIDING THINGS FROM U BC HE DOESNT FEEL LIKE THEYRE NECESSARY TO SAY 

 **brenny:** gerard   
listen  
me and dallon know everything about each other  
tyler and josh know everything about each other  
u and frank know everything about each other  
mike knows everything about billie  
but no one knows anything about billie

 **gayrard:** its none of our business jfc brendon

 **dally:** wait  
what do we actuallt know about billie

 **memekey:** his name is billie hes 16 and hes gay

 **rayman:** i know this is wrong and all that  
but ngl i am kinda curious   
maybe hes a serial killer and he has a murder castle

 **dally:** hes like 5ft tall hes not a serial killer

 **memekey:** dallon shut up he almost beat u in a fight

 **dally:** shit u right

 **tray:** mike  
the plot thickens

 **mook:** ooh what

 **tray:** i went to billies "house"  
a single mom with a baby daughter lives there  
shes never heard of billie

 **mook:** what  
w h a t

 **rayman:** he lying to u mike he lying

 **mook:** thATS WHY HE TOLD ME NOT TO GO ROUND  
FIRST HE TOLD ME THE HOUSE WAS BEING RE DECORATED  
THEN HIS MOM WAS ILL  
THE LIST GOES ON

 **tyjo:** i am intrigued 

 **gayrard:** shit  
u guys got me  
i wanna know shit too

 **memekey:** yes gerard come to the dark side  
leave the namby pamby life behind

 **gayrard:** mikey stfu u cried yesterday bc u forgot to pay for a pack of gum  
ur as namby pamby as they get

 **memekey:** ur no longer welcome on the dark side

 **mook:** well thats all we have time for folks  
billies yelling at me and asking where i am  
time to add him back and delete the messages

 **tray:** well get to the bottom of billie joe armstrong eventually 

 **tyjo:** mike already has a lot of practice getting to the bottom of billie joe armstrong 

 **mook:** tyLER FUCk

 **joosh:** 10/10 good joke tyler

 **mook:** stop being weird everyoen act normal billies coming back

 

 **\- mook** added **also dallon** to **why be the pacific when u can be the atlantic**

 

 **brenny:** wE FORGOT A DALLON

 **mook:** brenDON I SAID ACT NORMAL


	46. suck my left testicle mikey that isnt how bets work

**also dallon:** okay u fuckers  
its been a day and a half  
one of u tell me why everyones nicknames and the group name have changed  
and also why was i removed

 **tyjo:** josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk ask mike hes the one who removed u

 **mook:** tyLER FUCK 

 **joosh:** thats twive u said that now

 **rayman:** so now we have  
"trE NO"  
"brendon what the actual fuck"  
"billie no wtf"  
and the latest and greatest   
"tyLER FUCK"

 **also dallon:** mike why   
why would u remove me 

 **mook:** josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk quit asking questions

 **tyjo:** petition to make "josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk" the reply for everything   
pls pls pls

 **memekey:** "why didnt u do ur homework?"  
"josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk"

 **gayrard:** "why are u late for class again?"  
"josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk"

 **also dallon:** why wont anyone give me a straight answer

 **fronk:** josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk 

 **tray:** billie u cant get a straight answer if ur not straight

 **brenny:** someone change billies nickname   
the dallon thing is bothering me

 **fronk:** "the dallon thing is bothering me"   
thats no way to talk about ur boyfriend brendon

 

 **\- memekey** renamed the group **the dallon thing is bothering me**

 

 **dally:** i bother myself too dw

 

 **\- dally** changed **also dallon's**  nickname to **billieboy**

 

 **billieboy:** ooh  
snazzy 

 **tray:** billie never say that again like ever

 **billieboy:** snazzy

 **tray:** welp thats it goodbye

 

 **\- tray** removed **billieboy** from **the dallon thing is bothering me**

 

 **joosh:** tre why  
WAIT  
ur smart  
now we can continue the investigation

 **mook:** not really  
hes sat right next to me whining about missing out on the trainwreck that is our chat

 **memekey:** QUICKLY   
EVERYONE TELL MIKE WHAT THEY FOUND OUT  
i didnt actually find out anything but hey ho

 **tray:** wait  
we were suposed to find shit out?

 **dally:** i snooped through his phone this morning while he wasnt looking does that count

 **tyjo:** son of a bitch   
stole my idea

 **brenny:** fuk u tyler my boyfriends smarter than u

 **joosh:** at least tyler can spell

 **gayrard:** oooOOOHHHH   
fucking savage joshua

 **mook:** u snooped through his phone??????

 **dally:** yep  
well only his contacts   
he literally only has us in the chat as his contacts   
there no one else at all

 **rayman:** well thats definitely not weird 

 **tyjo:** wtf ray yes it is

 **rayman:** carcass tyler  
k well when i sent that it said sarcasm idk wtf happened 

 **joosh:** carcass tyler  
tyler the carcass 

 **brenny:** tyler the creator more like tyler the carcass

 **mook:** delete the messages im adding bj back

 

 **\- mook** added **billieboy** to **the dallon thing is bothering me**

 

 **tray:** welcome back nothing happened 

 **billieboy:** okay?  
anyway  
i feel like we havent been kicked out of class in a while  
so thats what were doing today boyz

 **joosh:** im like a pro at getting kicked out  
watch and learn

 **fronk:** josh we arent even in the same class how can we watch

 **joosh:** fine whatevrr  
imagine and learn idk

 **tyjo:** ill keep u guys updated  
k hes standing up  
now hes walking to the teachers desk  
o fuck joSH NO 

 **billieboy:** what he do whAT HE DO 

 **joosh:** and that is how its done

 **brenny:** that comment would have been nice if we knew what u even did 

 **tyjo:** he climbed on the teachers desk and backflipped off it 

 **fronk:** backflippings old now   
u know what never gets old  
yelling at mr turner

 **memekey:** frank ur responsible for at least 12 of that mans gray hairs 

 **fronk:** thats an achievment right

 **dally:** billie   
i have questions 

 **mook:** dallon no   
no questions 

 **billieboy:** calm down michael the boy is allowed to ask questions

 **dally:** okay question number 1:  
can we all come over to ur house later 

 **billieboy:** that would be rad  
but  
my moms really sick and she doesnt rlly want anyone in the house u feel me  
we can go to mikes tho 

 **mook:** has mike agreed to this

 **fronk:** but mike... u are mike

 **dally:** okay  
question number 2:  
for future ferfererence   
where do u live 

 **billieboy:** the street by the 7-11  
numebr 409  
but u guys cant go round there alrighT  
my mom is super super sick 

 **tray:** um billie  
number 409 is where some woman lives with her lil kid  
dont even ask me how i know that okay just dont even ask

 **billieboy:** shit my bad  
i meant 408

 **dally:** ookay  
question number 4:

 **brenny:** no dallon  
u forgot question 3

 **dally:** what is question 3

 **brenny:** idk ur the one asking the questions

 **dally:** exactly brenon   
im the one asking the questions  
dont fucking interrupt me :)

 **tyjo:** :O

 **joosh:** :OOO

 **billieboy:** okay so whats question 3   
bc i dont like answring questions lets hurry thuis up pls

 **dally:** question number 3:  
do u consider urself to be secretary

 **billieboy:** no im not a secretary? wtf

 **memekey:** ill bet any one of u $500 he meant to say something else

 **dally:** i consalted autocorrect  
i meant secretive 

 **memekey:** fucking a   
pay up fuckers

 **gayrard:** suck my left testicle mikey that isnt how bets work

 **billieboy:** no im not secretive either

 **dally:** okay so final question:  
why do u lie about literally everything

 **mook:** dallon jesus christ

 **brenny:** o shit  
ZERO chill

 **gayrard:** aboRT ABORT ABORT

 

 **\- gayrard** removed **billieboy** from **the dallon thing is bothering me**

 

 **memekey:** geRARD WHAT THE FUCK U JUST MADE IT 19827367289 TIMES WORSE WHY

 **gayrard:** FUCK U MIKEY   
I PANICKED AND ACCIDENTALLY REMOVED HIM  
but hey at least i fixed the probem

 **mook:** but gerard... u didnt fix the problem  
u removed him from the chat   
u didnt remove him from our lives so hes gonna remember dallon calling him a liar

 **dally:** okay but he IS a liar....

 **mook:** this is billie btw  
i stole mikes phone so caN ONE OF U FUCKERS TELL ME WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK IS HAPPENING  
mike again  
i stole my phone back  
i think we fucked up

 **rayman:** we dun goofed

 

 **\- tyjo** renamed the group **we dun goofed**

 

 **fronk:** tyler ur not helping

 **tyjo:** yes i am shut up

 **tray:** adding billie back to try to sort this mess out  
delete what ya wanna delete and keep the rest

 

 **\- tray** added **billieboy** to **we dun goofed**

 

 **billieboy:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON  
DALLON IM NOT A LIAR WHAT THE HELL

 **joosh:** damn son why he so angry

 **dally:** yall can sugarcoat it as much as u want but imma get straight to it  
BILLIE WE KNOW UR LYING ABOUT UR ENTIRE LIFE PLS JUST TELL US THE TRUTH WE ARE UR FRENS

 **billieboy:** honestly  
im pissed that ur snooping around in my prIVATE LIFE  
but im even more pissed that u literally just said "yall"

 **gayrard:** ignore them billie i wante no part in this shitstorm 

 **memekey:** dont lie u little shit ur just as nosy as the rest of us

 **mook:** billie pls just tell me   
whats the deal with ur parents/house/whatever  
like u wont even tell me where u live jfc

 **billieboy:** mike why cant u understand that u dont need to know everything about me

 **fronk:** mikes ur boyfrind tho??????

 **tray:** this is so bad omg  
this is legit terrible

 **mook:** billie just answer one fucking question okay  
why wont u tell ur parents about us being togetehr

 **billieboy:** none of ur fucking business  
now stop fucking asking me questions and shut the fuck uP  
thats aimed at all of u btw :)

 **brenny:** billie were ur friends  
ik we suck at taking things seriously  
but u can tell us if somethings up u knwow

 **joosh:** woW BRENDONS BEING NICE WHAT IS THIS SORCERY 

 **brenny:** go choke on tylers dick 

 **mook:** so billie  
u gonna stop being so weird and mysterious now

 **billieboy:** no  
go away  
shut the fuck up  
stop fuCKING ASKING ME STUFF  
I. DONT. WANT. TO. FUCKING. TALK. ABOUT. IT

 **mook:** are yOU FUCKING SERIOUS  
WHY ARE U BEING SUCH A FUCKING BRAT BILLIE FUCKING HELL I JUST WANNA KNOW SOME BASIC SHIT BUT U FLIIP OUT AND START ACTING LIKE A STUPID FUCKING 2 YEAR OLD AS USUAL   
ARE U FUCKING STUPID OR SOMETHING

 **gayrard:** omg the drama  
holy shit 

 **memekey:** i cant even take this level of drama send immediate help

 **billieboy:** u know what michael  
consider urself single :)  
i dont wanna talk to u anymore  
and when i next see u imma fuck u up boy

 **mook:** okay so i didnt actually mean all that lmao oops

 **billieboy:** dont care fuck off  
@ the rest of u: ur no longer my friends dont talk to me  
excet maybe gerard  
no wait he can fuck off too :)

 

 **\- billieboy** left **we dun goofed**

 

 **tyjo:** oh my god this is bad  
this is so so so bad

 **mook:** do me a favor  
shoot me in the fucking face  
itll probably hurt less than this 

 **tray:** well shit

 **fronk:** i still cant believe dallon said yall


	47. the anti-pregnant club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh boy.. things are boutta get bad(der)

**gayrard:** guys  
explain to tre he still has to apologise for crackiing my phone even if it was an accident

 **memekey:** tre  
u still have to apologise 

 **tray:** why  
it was an ACCIDENT  
if i remember correctly   
brendon didnt apologise to tyler for almost killing him and that was an accident 

 **brenny:** shut up tre yes i did

 **tyjo:** u really didnt tho..

 **brenny:** YES I DID

 **joosh:** what about when women get pregannt by accident   
they dont have to apologise do they

 **tray:** thANK U JOSH  
FINALLY A VALID POINT

 **rayman:** that isnt valid lmao  
a woman getting accidentally pregnant is a but different to tre breaking gerards phone

 **gayrard:** why would a woman have to apologise for being pregnant anyway

 **fronk:** if she was part of an anti-pregnant club and the rules were ur not allowed to get pregnant and she turned up one day and was like "sorry im pregnant"   
she would be appologising for being pregnant   
see

 **gayrard:** yes but frank there is no such thing as an anti pregnant club

 

 **\- dally** renamed the group **the anti-pregnant club**

 

 **dally:** ayyy

 **brenny:** ayyy   
dallon where u been boi

 **dally:** oh u know  
the usual  
trying to stop billies rampage 

 **mook:** billies what now

 **tray:** mike u missed our argument about pregnant women and gerards phone

 **mook:** aw damn   
i always wanted to see an argument about pregnant omen and phones

 **tyjo:** pregnant omen  
that sounds mildly satanic

 **rayman:** can we not talk about satan with josh in the group he might summon him into the chat again

 **joosh:** are u guys still not over that jfc

 **brenny:** no were not over it josh  
and were never going to be over it  
u gOT OUR CHAT BANNED BY THE GOVERNMENT 

 **dally:** abyway  
yea  
billies on a rampage 

 **mook:** how

 **dally:** well hes punched 3 people and 2 walls  
and he called me an asshole for saying hello to him so

 **mook:** hes a fucking asshole   
i hope he gets kicked out 

 **tray:** mike jessu fucking christ  
u 2 gotta sort this shit out

 **mook:** haha no  
its over for good this time  
he can fuck himself   
stupid lil bitch

 **brenny:** okay but someone should make sure hes okay  
bugsy not me i dont wanna get murdered 

 **rayman:** ill go   
i didnt actualy do anyrhing wrong so  
if i dont reply soon im probably dead

 **memekey:** in the meantme  
i may or may not have secretly followed billie when he left school yesterday

 **mook:** ooh sneaky sneak  
i mean he ussually comes to mine after school but thats obviously not happening anymore   
where did he go

 **memekey:** he didnt actually go anywhere   
like  
he just kind of walked around for a few hours until some shady lookin dude pulled up in a truck and dragged him inside it

 **mook:** okay what the actual fuck

 **tray:** mikey u asshole  
u just stood there and watched as he was kidnapped 

 **memekey:** he wasnt fucking kidnapped tre omfg  
stop dramatising things

 **joosh:** ray hasnt replied do u think hes dead

 **gayrard:** no but i think i shiuld go rescue him

 **rayman:** no dont rescue me im fine

 **tray:** thAT SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE SOMEONE WHOS BEING HELD HOSTAGE WOULD SAY  
DONT WORRY RAY HANG IN THERE WE ARE SENDING BACKUP 

 **memekey:** trE I SAID STOP DRAMATISING THINGS 

 **rayman:** IM NOT BEING HELD HOSTAGE WE ARE HAVING A CALM DISCUSSION LEAVE US ALONE

 **tyjo:** isnt anyone else bored of the billie drama now  
likee  
him and mike broke up and hes no longer friends with us   
lets just leave it at that

 **fronk:** "obama means family"   
does that quote mean nothing to u u heartless fool  
oHANA NOT OBAMA NO 

 

 **\- brenny** renamed the group **obama means family**

 

 **gayrard:** dont worry u guys president obama will save our friendhip with billie

 **joosh:** he isnt the president anymore gerard

 **gayrard:** YES HE IS SHUT UP  
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT ORANGE ABOMINATION IS REAL

 **mook:** ah yes  
trump is a myth

 **brenny:** god i fucking wish

 **fronk:** okay lets stop talking about politics now or mikey will start talking about harry truman again 

 **memekey:** my bfuooudop

 **tyjo:** whats a bfuooudop

 **memekey:** best friends until one of us dies of pneumonia 

 **joosh:** me and tyler are bfuoougstdfocatc

 **tyjo:** ayy my bfuoougstdfocatc

 **rayman:** and that is???

 **tyjo:** best friends until one of us gets sentenced to death for our crimes against the crown

 **mook:** well me and billie USED to be bfuoouktoiarfor  
best friends until one of us kills the other in a random fit of rage

 **fronk:** nice  
me and gerard are just gay

 **mook:** now i actually miss my bfuoouktoiarfor  
we need to fix this 

 **rayman:** already working on it  
altho billie is still kinda mad about the whole thing

 **memekey:** ask him who the truck dude is 

 **gayrard:** or we can just go back to how things used to be  
u know  
when we werent all poking around in our friends private affairs

 **tray:** gerard  
dont spread rumors  
billie isnt having an affair

 **mook:** wait what   
billies doing what

 **dally:** havung an affair apparently

 **tray:** i just said he WASNT having an affair are u guys illiterate 

 **dally:** acyuallly  
yes

 **tyjo:** only one way to fix this men  
actually idk how to fix this i was just trying to be dramatic  
please ignore me

 **rayman:** he fuCKING SAW THE MESSAGES RIP   
HE KNOWS WERE ONTO HIM ABORT ABORT ABORT  
MIKEY HE KNOWS U FOLLOWED HIM RUN

 **memekey:** raY I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF HISTORY CLASS I CANT JUST GET UP AND RUN AWAY

 **gayrard:** yea u can  
i run away from history all the time its fine  
WIAT WHAT TEACHER DO U HAVE

 **memekey:** the lannister dude

 **tray:** u mean tywin  
we agreed on tywin

 **tyjo:** waIT U GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO STARTED THE WHOLE TYWIN LANNISTER HISTORY TEACHER THING

 **tray:** well actually i did but yea

 **gayrard:** alrigt mikey ur good u can run away from tywin  
its the bitch lady u gotta watch out for

 **memekey:** BILLIE JUST WALKED IN RIP ME  
BURY ME AT SEA LIKE MY FATHER AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM

 **gayrard:** mikey our dad is still alive what the fuck

 **fronk:** ooooh he looks pissed  
lmao tywin was like "ur not here to throw ur shirt at me again are u"

 **mook:** im coming to watch   
come on my dudes lets go watch 

 **tyjo:** im already here this is wiLD  
billies yelling and making a scene  
mikeys kind of hiding under his desk  
tywin is giving everyone detention but no ones really listening

 **brenny:** mike come and control ur (ex) boyfriend   
hes causing the biggest fucking scene ever

 **mook:** im quite happy watching through the window

 **fronk:** hoLY SHIT U GUYS MAKE SURE UR ALL THERE  
THE SCENE IS ABOUT TO GET BIGGER

 **tray:** WHY WHY WHY WHATS HAPPENING

 **fronk:** GERARD STOLE ONE OF THE SWORD PROPS AND HES CHARGING INTO BATTLE TO SAVE MIKEY

 **brenny:** YES GERARD fUcK IT UP  
FUCK. IT. UP.

 **memekey:** geRARD HES FUCKING CRAZY HELP ME 

 **tyjo:** I LIED I LIED I LIED  
I AM NOT BORED OF THE BILLIE DRAMA  
THIS WILL NEVER GET BORIHNG

 **gayrard:** THIS SWROD IS FUCKING HEAVY HOLY SHIT  
BUT IM COMING MIKEY 

 **mook:** ur not gonna actually hit him with a sword are u

 **gayrard:** calm down its fake its paper mache or some shit   
it probably wont even hurt himt

 **tray:** "probably"

 **brenny:** o shIT DID U GUYS FUCKING SEE GERARD JUST PRACTUCALLY KICK THE DOOR DOWN  
HE FUCKING JUMPED ACORSS FOUR DESKS   
FRANJ UR BOYFRIEND IS A BADASS

 **rayman:** franj ha

 

 **\- joosh**  changed **fronk's**  nickname to **franj**

 

 **franj:** usually i would complain  
BUT HOLY FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER THAT JUMP WAS MAJESTIC 

 **mook:** geraRD U SAID U WERENT GONNA HURT HIM U FUCKING STABBED HIM 

 **gayrard:** ITS FAKE MICHAEL CALM UR SHIT  
o shit  
ohh  
okay this took an unexpected and horrible turn

 **dally:** whats going on i can barely see over rays hair

 **tyjo:** everyhings gone silent  
tywin jut ran over to billie  
wait why isnt billie moving gerard what did u do to him

 **gayrard:** ha funny story  
u know how i said i picked up a fake sword

 **mook:** yea???

 **gayrard:** well theres also a real sword that theyre basing the fake ones on  
and the real sword and the fake swords look very similar 

 **mook:** where is this going exactly

 **gayrard:** i may or may not have accidentally picked up the real sword instead of the fake one??

 **mook:** holy shit  
h o l y   s h i t  
hOLY SHIT

 **gayrard:** i...   
i stabbed billie wiTH A REAL MOTHERFUCKING SWORD WHAT THE FUCK IM GOING TO JAIL HOLY FUCK

 **dally:** oh dear lord   
i dont even know what to say but it feels like someone should say something

 **tray:** uh guys  
mike just passed out on the floor

 **franj:** oh my god this is so bad  
wHY DO WE DO THESE THINGS  
WHY ARE WE ALLOWED OUT IN PUBLIC

 **memekey:** oh no hes bleeding a lot   
gerard u cut him real bad

 **gayrard:** like  
bad enough to kill him??

 **memekey:** maybe idk

 **joosh:** that is...  
a lot of blod  
oh no

 **gayrard:** tywins calling the cops on me u guys  
im fucked  
goodbye

 **brenny:** run away to nebraska   
quickly  
ill help u escape

 **memekey:** brendon no offence but ur making things worse

 **tray:** lmao that awkward moment when u try to save ur brother and accidentally stab someone lms if u agree

 **rayman:** trE NO


	48. history with billie

**franj:** wassup fuckers  
im with billie at the hospital  
hes alive so thats a plus  
he wants me to add him back

 **gayrard:** k well im out bye

 

 **\- gayrard** left **obama means family**

 

 **\- franj** added **billieboy** to **obama means family**

 

 **memekey:** yea same  
im out

 

 **\- memekey** left **obama means family**

 

 **\- mook** le **ft**   **obama means family**

 

 **franj:** stOP LEAVING IM TRYING TO FIX THINGS

 **billieboy:** so how is everyone after the great stabbing of '17

 **tray:** billie good news  
everyone ships u and tywin now

 **billieboy:** oh that is good news  
but why

 **dally:** bc he was the one who carried u outside to the ambluence   
and by carrying i dont mean like carry carrying  
i mean ful on bridal style 

 **joosh:** i took a picture do u wanna see it

_**joosh sent a photo to** **obama means family** _

**billieboy:** i look literally dead but hey at least my hairs on point  
OH YEA THAT REMINDS ME  
I WAS LEGALLY DEAD FOR 20 MINUTES AND I LITERALY BECAME A GHOST 

 **rayman:** holy shit are u fucken serious 

 **brenny:** wait i dnt understand this  
u say u legally died  
can u illegally die?

 **billieboy:** yea   
u need to have at least 12 square feet of cops in the room u die in or is illegal death and ur getting ur ghost ass arrested and sent to ghost jail  
luckily there ws cops in my hospit room bc they were worried gerard would come try and stab me again

 **dally:** "12 square feet of cops" billie are u okay

 **billieboy:** no dallon i was fucking stabbed  
but yea im okay how are u

 **franj:** the nurses gave him some pain drug things  
and then he stole some more  
so hes a little fucked rn

 **billieboy:** but BOY AM I BUZZIN 

 **tyjo:** frank please stop him before he does something dumb

 **franj:** no this is funny

 

 **\- dally** added **mook** to **obama means family**

 

 **dally:** mike its okay u can talk to him}  
hes high on meds rn 

 **mook:** idk if tahst better or worse

 **tray:** its funny  
thats for sure

 **brenny:** billie  
do u have anything u want to say to mike

 **billieboy:** no  
WAIT  
yes i do  
i want to tell him that even tho this is al his fault i forgive him  
i forgive gerard for stabbing me i know he meant well  
and i forgve mikey for snooping around in my private shit

 **joosh:** o thank fuck  
i though there was gonna be a big ass fight and another stabbing  
maybe a shooting  
throw in a few murders 

 **mook:** what kind of savages do u think we are joshua

 **joosh:** the good kind

 

 **\- franj** added **gayrard** to **obama means family**

 

 **\- franj** added **memekey** to  **obama means family**

 

 **billieboy:** welcoem back my friends  
i am high as a fucking kite

 **gayrard:** i honestly dont know if thats a good or bad thing

 **billieboy:** tbh the thing i dont like about this is the hospital stay  
its annoying  
i had a nighgmare abour president rushmore last night

 **tyjo:** what

 **billieboy:** i said i had a president about night rushmore  
no that isnt what i said   
wait lemur figure thus out

 **tray:** aw i love lemurs 

 **memekey:** i expected this to be a lto more painful than it is   
oh well cant complain 

 **billieboy:** yea i had a nighmare about president rushmore

 **brenny:** wohos president rushmore 

 **billieboy:** u know  
the scary president with 4 heads   
medusa turned him into stone 

 **tray:** im gonna ask mr tywin if that part of history is true

 **memekey:** THAT POOR MAN HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH BC OF US LEAVE HIM ALONE

 **joosh:** hostory lessons w/ billie  
"president rushmore was a 4 headed president who got turned to stone by medusa"

 **memekey:** i refuse to let this chat disrespect any more dead presidents  
STOP TALKING ABOUT PRESIDENTS ~~except harry truman~~

 **gayrard:** mikey shut up u ass  
billie when did president rushmore get elected

 **billieboy:** when he wanted to gerard jfc dont disrespect president rushmore

 **franj:** k well president rushmore is a better name than what ray said once

 **rayman:** fraNK IT WAS A MISTAKE DONT 

 **franj:** "president mountain man"

 **rayman:** FRANK I TRISTED U WITH THAT SECREAT  
U PROMISED TO TAKE IT TO UR GRAVY  
GRAVE

 **tyjo:** take it to the gravy   
gravy boat

 **billieboy:** no thank u i get sea sick

 **tray:** high billie is my fave billie  
billie mor ehistory stories so i can irritate tywin tomoorow

 **memekey:** how about we leve tywin alone

 **tray:** hoW ABOUT MORE HISTORY WITH BILLIE

 

 **\- mook** renamed the group **history with billie**

 

 **tyjo:** kay but i love how were all ignoring the great stabbing of '17

 **tray:** thats what we do here in this chat  
we ignore the bad decisions we make

 **mook:** WAIT HOLD UP

 

 **\- mook** removed **billieboy** from **history with billie**

 

 **mook:** u know hes hiigh asf rn  
would it be bad if i took advantage of that and asked him some questions 

 **tray:** no

 **memekey:** yes what the fuck  
but do it anyway

 **gayrard:** michael u sinner

 **mook:** rght here goes

 

 **\- mook** added **billieboy** to **history with billie**

 

 **mook:** billie can i ask u somethjng

 **billieboy:** if its about me liking yellow starburt then no  
i dont need ur judgement 

 **brenny:** gross

 **rayman** **:** brendon be nice

 **mook:** no its about ur homelife 

 **billieboy:** yea sure go ahead

 **franj:** im so intrigued but im also so terrified of what hes gonna do tomorrow when he discovers u lot took advantage of his high as  fuck state

 **dally:** i bet hes like a secret gangster

 **tray:** what if hes a serial killer

 **mook:** guys stop omf  
billie  
why wont u let us in ur house

 **billieboy:** oh i dont have a house  
well i do  
i just domt go there anymore

 **rayman:** what why

 **memekey:** to quote ray  
what why

 **tray:** why dont u go to ur house

 **billieboy:** its not very safe   
im better off away from him

 **gayrard:** away from who  
qtop being vague and mysterious anD GIVE US ANSWERS 

 **franj:** i think u pushd him too far   
hes kind of staring at his phone and mumbling shit over and over again

 **mook:** that was exhilarating but i think thats enough for today  
tomorrow we shall question him

 **billieboy:** when did the conversation about president rushmore end

 **tray:** at least he wont remember this   
we just delete the messages and everything will be fine

 **joosh:** in this chat "fine" usually means "not fine at all but were going to pretend it is"

 **memekey:** exactly  
ur learning so quickly

 **joosh:** i feel like i should get an award

 **tyjo:** i feel like u shouldnt 

 **joosh:** i feel like ur being rude :/

 **tyjo:** i feel like u need to step off

 **dally:** i fee like evryone should chill damn

 **gayrard:** i feel like this cnversation has become irrelevant 

 **brenny:** i feel like ur irrelevant 

 **franj:** o snap  
gerard are u burning up son  
bc u should be

 **gayrard:** suck my dick frank

 **franj:** ok


	49. the 4 furemen of the apocalypse

**franj:** help  
dallons stuck in the baby swing @ the park 

 **dally:** frank dont sell me out like this  
but yea come quickly im stuck in the baby swing 

 **brenny:** oh ill be coming alright ;)

 **dally:** no u fuckng wont bc im stuck in a goddamn baby swing

 **tyjo:** where in the rule book does it say u cant use a baby swing as a sex swing

 **joosh:** shit he got a point   
TYLER GUESS WHAT WERE TRYING LATER

 **billieboy:** KEEP UR SEXUAL ESCAPADES OUT OF THE CHAT PLEASE

 **franj:** is anyone coming to help dallon   
his whinings rlly annoying 

 **rayman:** me and gerard will save his ass   
i guess

 **gayrard:** no 

 **brenny:** wait lemme take a picture first  
ad then in 100 years i can just whip it out and be like "yo u guys remember when dallon got stuck in a baby swing"

 **memekey:** u guys have said baby swing 5 times in the last 2 minutes u know that right

 **tray:** 6 tiims now

 

 **\- mook** renamed the group **baby swing x6**

 

 **joosh:** i onky thought there was 1 baby swing at the park  
i didnt know ther was 6

 **tyjo:** 1 at the park  
6 in the chat

 **gayrard:** u cant have a baby swing in the chat

 **brenny:** no but u can have a chat in a baby swing  
ayyyyy  
ba dum tsss

 **dally:** brendon i am litERALLY STUCK IN A FUCKING BABY SWING AND ALL UR DOING IS MAKING DUMB JOKES 

 **gayrard:** i know dallons literally stuck rn   
but  
how do u pronounce tchaikovsky

 **billieboy:** i have literally never sene that word before in my life  
but my gess is "tchaikovsky" 

 **gayrard:** wow  
engagement 

 **billieboy:** no thank u i am betrothed to michael 

 **gayrard:** fuck off i meant enlightening 

 **memekey:** no one told me were betrothed to each other billie 

 **billieboy:** im telijngh u now 

 **tray:** "telijngh"  
isnt that a chinese emperor

 **rayman:** no im the chinese emperor 

 **franj:** but ray  
ur not chinese 

 **mook:** mikey back the fuck away from my man  
and also gerard to abswer ur question about tchaikovsky   
i personally pronoucne it as chop suey but im like 67% sure thats wrong 

 **dally:** nice to know that while im literally stuck in a baby swing u guys are having a nice discussion about chinese emporers and tachktchivsky

 **tray:** what the fuck is a tachktchivsky

 **brenny:** thats the noise i made when i dropped my phoen this morning

 **tyjo:** guys...  
what if......  
tchaikovsky is the chinese emperor 

 **rayman:** tyelr can u not read  
im the chinese emperor 

 

 **\- joosh**  changed **tyjo's**  nickname to **tyelr**

 

 **\- joosh**  changed **rayman's**  nickname to **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor)**

 

 **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** no   
NO  
chnage it back joshua 

 **dally:** I CAN SEE GERARD   
HES COME TO SAVE ME

 **gayrard:** jfc frank when u said he was stuck in the baby swing i didnt expect him to be upside down in it  
what even happened

 **dally:** i woke up like this  
ha just kidding  
i fell 

 **billieboy:** reminds me of the time i fell and landed in an alternate dimension where life was actually fun 

 **franj:** how high are u

 **billieboy:** like 5'3

 **gayrard:** dallons free shows over go home 

 **tray:** ik this is extrememly off topic but is it socially acceptbale to name triplets waluigi wal2igi and walui3 

 **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** why u talking about baby names   
have u drunkenly impregnated someone again

 **tyelr:** 'again'

 **tray:** oh m Y GOD IT WAS ONE TIME AND IT TURNED OUT SHE WASNT EVEN PREHAT OKAY 

 **brenny:** ive never herad of prehat  
is that like  
pre-hat  
did she lie to u and say she was post-hat   
u poor Seoul i hope ur okay :(

 **memekey:** "seoul"  
brendon..  
tre does not have south korea inside him :/

 **tray:** yea jeez  
what kind of hoe would i have to be to have all of south korea inside of me

 **billieboy:** the kind of hoe u already are

 **tray:** i was about to get mad  
but then i realised ur right lmao oops

 **gayrard:** tre have u realised that "lmao oops" is ur reaction to almost everything 

 **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** wairt i have a question   
everythings strangely calm for once   
so does that mean everythings forgiven 

 **billieboy:** well  
u guys did invade my persoanl shit   
but i guess we can just move on now  
as long as u fuckers dont start being nosy again 

 **mook:** thats a relief 

 **memekey:** everything worked out in the end  
dallon was removed from the baby swing  
tre doesnt have the whole of south korea inside him  
billies doesnt hate us all

 **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** i became the chinese emperor 

 **tyelr:** no  
tchaikovsky is the chinese emperor 

 **franj:** wow  
tchaikobsy is becomong a very popular source of discussion in this chat  
akmost as popular as harry truman and tywin lannister

 **memekey:** dont talk shit about my bfuooudop frank   
ill fuck u up boi 

 **tray:** yea and dont talk shit about my daddy tywin   
bc ill fuck u up too boi

 **billieboy:** the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse: harry truman, ttywin lannister and tchaikovsky 

 **joosh:** but thats only 3

 **billieboy:** did i fucking ask for ur opinion

 **mook:** lemme fix  
the 4 hosemen of the apocalypse: harry truman, tywin lannister, tchaikovsky and baby swing 

 **franj:** the 4 furemen of the apocalypse

 **memekey:** THE 4 FUREMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE 

 

 **\- tchaikovsky (chinese emperor)** renamed the group **the 4 furemen of the apocalypse**


	50. a forbidden love between tre and the car he just stole

**\- Mike Dirnt** added **Mikey Way, Ray Toro, and Tré Cool** to  **i cant keep removing billie from the main chat w/out him getting suspcioius and/or angry so i made a new one instead**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** CHAT RULES  
1 DONT TELL A N Y O N E ABOUT THIS OKAY WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CHAT STAYS IN THE CHAT  
2 DO NOT ADD A N Y O N E ELSE I DONT TRUST THE OTHERS  
3 I DONT ACTUALLY HAVE A RULE 3 BUT I ALREADY STARTED TYPING AND IM TOO LAZY TO BACKSPACE 

 **Ray Toro:** wow  
im honored u actyally trust me mike

 **Tré Cool:** why do u trust me 

 **Mike Dirnt:** i dont  
but ur billies other best friend so u should be helpful 

 **Mikey Way:** is this about billie again  
i want no part in this all it does is create drama and also drama and even more drama

 **Ray Toro:** i thought u liked drama tho

 **Mikey Way:** shit u right  
whar are we doing then

 **Tré Cool:** we need code names if were gonna do this right 

 **Mike Dirnt:** tre no

 **Tré Cool:** the lack of capitalization rlly bothers me :/

 **Ray Toro:** can we just get to the point pls  
i dont want to miss the wild activites going on in the other chat  
btw if u guys dont know tyler and josh stole the baby swing to use as a sex swing and got arrested 

 **Mike Dirnt:** beautiful  
anyway  
isnt anyoen else kind of worried abot what billie said whem he was high on pain meds 

 **Ray Toro:** i cant evenr remember what happened and u deleted the messages so i cant even check whaT BULLSHIT 

 **Tré Cool:** yeah im worriedn aboyt the president rushmore conversation  
that was weird even by my standards

 **Mike Dirnt:** no dumbass  
i mean when he said "im beter off away from him"  
whos him what does he mean im so confused 

 **Mikey Way:** fuck if i know

 **Mike Dirnt:** u know mikeY  
when i added u into this secret society of secrets and societies i expected u to be at least a bit helpful

 

 **\- Tré Cool** renamed the group **secret society of secrets and societies**

 

 **Tré Cool:** guys i have a plan

 **Ray Toro:** good bc i sure as hell dont

 **Tré Cool:** okay so mike this kind of involves u getting arrested

 **Mike Dirnt:** okay no wtf  
what sort of plan starts with "mike u have to get arrested"  
why not mikey or ray

 **Mikey Way:** no i cant ruin my good reputation leabe me out of this

 **Tré Cool:** mike u have to be out the way so billie deosnt go to ur house after school duh 

 **Mike Dirnt:** cant i just get detention instead 

 **Tré Cool:** yea that works too ig  
so  
mike gets his ass thrown in detention leaving billie to do whatever tf he does when hes not at mikes

 **Ray Toro:** wait what if he goes to someone elses house

 **Tré Cool:** fuck off stop pointing out major flaws in my poorly thought out plan

 **Ray Toro:** lemme add gerard we can trust him   
i think

 

 **\- Mikey Way** added **Gerard Way** to **secret society of secrets and societies**

 

 **Mikey Way:** DONT FUCKINH TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS CHAT GOT IT

 **Gerard Way:** whoa  
aggressive   
waut whats happening what are u guys doing now

 **Mike Dirnt:** in short  
were still nosy fuckers and we dont know whats good for us so were still trying to find shit out about billie

 **Gerard Way:** okay   
so   
why wasnt i invited in the first place

 **Mike Dirnt:** i didnt know if i coul d trust u 

 **Gerard Way:** u cant trust me but u can trust mikey  
mikey who told our parents i was smoking to turn their attenton away from him getting drunk when he was like 12

 **Mikey Way:** that was a rough time  
mistakes were made  
shut the fuck up

 **Ray Toro:** gerard   
where are u rn 

 **Gerard Way:** on the roof bc i got kicked out of class  
apparently its not acceptable to tell someone they have a face like a wrinkled cunt 

 **Tré Cool:** happens to the best of us 

 **Ray Toro:** i need u to text billie and find out what his plans are for today  
mike u go get to work on getting detention

 **Gerard Way:** um okay  
but why is mike getting detention on purpose 

 **Ray Toro:** dont ask questions just do what i say

 **Mike Dirnt:** i couldnt think of what to do so i did that thing where i dont think about what im doing and i may or may not have set fire to all of my books in the hallway

 **Mikey Way:** literally what the fuck is wrong with u  
oh my god the fire alarms are going off  
mike stop it

 **Mike Dirnt:** oh shit its out of control   
oh damn this is bad why did i do this  
okay im on fire  
im literally on fire 

 **Tré Cool:** i love how mieks first prorority is to tell the chat hes on fire instead of trying to get off fire

 **Mike Dirnt:** o dear the teachers are talking about calling the cops  
tre u might get ur wish for me to get arrested today

 **Gerard Way:** u know the entire school is out in the hall windering who tf is trying to burn down the school right

 **Ray Toro:** mike wtf i said get detention not become a convicted arsonist

 **Tré Cool:** its too late for regrets the plan is in action lets go!!!!!11!!!

 **Ray Toro:** this isnt how i wante dthinsg to go no

 **Mikey Way:** i haVE A PLAN   
A PLAN TO SAVE THE CURRENT PLAN WHICH IS GOING TO SHIT BC MIKE IS A PYROMANIAC   
mike it involves u getting ur dick out in front of everyone 

 **Mike Dirnt:** honestly i dont know which plan i hate more   
"mike u have to get arrested" or "mike u have to get ur dick out in front of the entire school"

 **Mikey Way:** do u want to know what the fuck is going on wutth billie

 **Mike Dirnt:** fine  
what do i have to do

 **Mikey Way:** u need to piss on the fire  
hopefully a teacher will see and give u detention

 **Tré Cool:** shit why does mike always get the fun jobs

 **Gerard Way:** i can now officiallly say this is the weridest plan ive ever been part of

 **Mike Dirnt:** okay  
here i go  
off to humiliate myself infront of hundreds of people   
wish me luck

 **Tré Cool:** good luck

 **Ray Toro:** u know like all of our squad is watching right  
but damn that strut into the middle of the crowd was majestic as fuck

 **Gerard Way:** this is incredibly awkward  
but for some reason i cant look away

 **Tré Cool:** oh my god the principal is fightng his way through the crowd   
mike run 

 **Mikey Way:** tre hes a little too busy to run rn :/

 **Ray Toro:** okay the crowd is slowly going away   
mikes being dragged away by the principal hopefully he gets detention 

 **Gerard Way:** i asked billie what hes doing  
he said "going to mikes if he doesnt have detention after whatever the fuck that was"

 **Mike Dirnt:** tell him i definitely have detention  
a whole fucking week of it   
the principal was gonna kick me out for good but he said i saved the school   
he wasnt too happy i was waving my dick about for everyone to see tho

 **Gerard Way:** he said "i guess ill just go home then"

 **Tré Cool:** YE S THE PLAN FUCKING WORKED   
so  
now we follow him home from school 

 **Mikey Way:** already done that tre jfc 

 **Tré Cool:** i wasnt finished???   
we follow him from school and if the shady looking dude in the truck turns up again we follow the truck and see where it goes

 **Ray Toro:** yea no i dont wanna get murdered by a creepy truck dude

 **Tré Cool:** no one said anything about murder  
fucking hell u guys just assume my plans end in murder have a little faith in me for once 

 **Mikey Way:** i like tres plan   
we should split up tho its the one thing i learned from scooby doo  
tre and gerard will follow the truck man  
me and ray will stay out of the way of a possible murder and keep everyone else busy   
mike will try to survive detention detention

 **Mike Dirnt:** im a verteran detention survivor ill be fine

 **Tré Cool:** stop saying theres gonna be a murder  
theres only going to be a murder if u keep believing theres going to be a murder

 **Ray Toro:** well i wholeheartedly believe thers going to be a murder so i guess were fucked goodbye its been a nice life 

 **Gerard Way:** wait how do we follow a truck its too fast

 **Tré Cool:** i watched billie jack enough cars to know how to do it well be fine  
unless we get caught  
in which case we will not be fine  
but we should be fine

 **Mike Dirnt:** when u said about jacking cars i read jacking off  
and it seemed like u watched billie jack off  
and i was like um excuse u hes my boyfend fuck off

 **Ray Toro:** okay bell just went good luck gerard and tre dont get murdered or arrested

 **Gerard Way:** good advice well try to follow it   
tre go steal a car ill sneakily follow billie

 **Mikey Way:** and ill just take everyone home and keep them entertained with our parents alcohol stash 

 **Gerard Way:** ooh good plan   
and its even better that im not there to get blamed for everything :)

 **Mikey Way:** bitch u dont get blamed for everything 

 **Gerard Way:** im the oldest child its tradition for me to get blamed for eveything 

 **Mike Dirnt:** can we focus on the plan pls  
ooh i feel like a battle commander rn   
u guys are my army 

 **Tré Cool:** i have a sick ass car   
is rlly beautifl   
i wanna keep it but i know i cant 

 **Ray Toro:** new book coming 2018: a forbidden love between tre and the car he just stole 

 **Tré Cool:** it sounds truly amazing im sure the whole squad will buy a copy  
apart from dallon hes illieterate 

 **Gerard Way:** tre u just spelled illiterate wrong

 **Tré Cool:** oh no its spreading 

 **Mikey Way:** okay everyones fine with sitting around getting drunk this is good  
no ones asking questions

 **Gerard Way:** billies just walking rn  
he walks uncomfortably fast for such a small legged person   
no sign of truck man yet

 **Tré Cool:** i jut love this car man  
its a '59 cadillac its fucking beautoful 

 **Mike Dirnt:** oh my god tre is literally gonna nut over a car in a minute

 **Tré Cool:** shut up mike dont judge me u pissed in the school hallway in front of like 2000 people

 **Mike Dirnt:** thats my legacy now  
the kid who pissed in the school hallway 

 **Gerard Way:** ooh things are heating up  
billies on the phone to someone  
he sounds kinda angry  
wait mike hes talking abt u 

 **Mike Dirnt:** what HE SAYING 

 **Gerard Way:** "mikes not my boyfriend"  
"no im not going to his house"

 **Mike Dirnt:** last time i checked i was his boyfirend  
is he planning to break up with me

 **Gerard Way:** no mike he was very clealy lying   
like it pained him to say that  
hes keeping secrets from whoever hes talking to 

 **Ray Toro:** i feel like me and mikey have the boring job  
WAIT NO TYLER JUST SMASHED A BOTTLE ON BRENDONS LEG THIS ISNT BORING 

 **Mikey Way:** gerard we probably wont have a house left by tonight just fyi

 **Gerard Way:** well fuck  
ooh billies walking again  
hes off the phone

 **Tré Cool:** this is like some rad ass detective movie right  
gerards good cop and im bad cop

 **Ray Toro:** that isnt what good cop bad cop means

 **Tré Cool:** its whatever i want it to mean

 **Gerard Way:** TRUCK MAN HAS BEEN SPOTTED  
I REPATE  
TRUCK MAN HAS BEEN SPOTTED  
HES PULLED UP AND THERES SOME ANGRY YELLING GOING ON

 **Mike Dirnt:** GET CLOSER AND LISTEN I NEED TO HEAR THE INFORMATION I CRAVE INFORMATION

 **Tré Cool:** really?  
i crave dick

 **Mike Dirnt:** tre oh my god shut the fuck up this is a serious investigation 

 **Tré Cool:** im sorry but aimlessly driving around gets boring 

 **Gerard Way:** a brief summary   
truck dude- get in the fucking truck  
billie- no fuck off  
truck dude- *some slurred mumbling*

 **Ray Toro:** sorry i msised all the action i was watching dallon almost throw up at the taste of whisky 

 **Gerard Way:** tre theyre moving come get me  
im legit just up the road from the sschool

 **Tré Cool:** yea problem with taht  
i kind of smahed the car into a tree   
and i had to run away quickly 

 **Mikey Way:** TRE U HAD ONE GODDAMN JOB

 **Gerard Way:** IS OKAY I WILL RUN AFTER THE TRUCK  
actually no i wont bc i wasted time sending the message and it disappeared  
fuck

 **Ray Toro:** well this has been a colossal failure   
but at least we can all get drunk :)


	51. shady truck dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I disappeared for so long  
> PS- this chapter is back in the main chat  
> PPS- the squad is about to collapse (again)

**tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** someone change my name i dont wnana be the chinese emperor anymore

 **tray:** k 1 sec

 **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor):** no not u

 **tray:** fuk u   
gonna do it anyway

 

 **\- tray**  changed **tchaikovsky (chinese emperor)'s**  nickname to **ray is gay**

 

 **ray is gay:** i said no tre

 **tray:** everyone says no tre  
its about time someone said yes tre

 **joosh:** anyway  
moving on  
i accidentally got to school like an hour ealry someone come entertain me

 **mook:** yesterday was wild and i dont wanna go to school and face all the people who saw my dick 

 **tyelr:** i will come save u josh

 **joosh:** thank

 **gayrard:** i wanna come too  
bc mikey is being a masSIVE FUCKWIT 

 **memekey:** hey gerard guess what  
ur a shit

 **franj:** why are yall so enthusiastic   
im not even proberly awake yet 

 **gayrard:** ur never properly awake tho

 **franj:** tru tru

 **mook:** wheres billie   
billie  
why arent u replying u rude bitch

 **memekey:** weheres brallon 

 **joosh:** 'weheres' 

 

 **\- tray** renamed the group **weheres**

 

 **memekey:** this is cyberbullying 

 

 **\- memekey** left **weheres**

 

 **\- gayrard** added **memekey** to **weheres**

 

 **gayrard:** donyt be a pussy mikey

 **tyelr:** 1/2 of brallon is walking with me to go rescue josh 

 **brenny:** which half  
wait  
i should know this  
i am 1/2 of brallon 

 **franj** actally brendon ur like 1/4 of brallon  
dallons so tall he takes up 3/4 of brallon 

 **dally:** im the half thats walkng with tyler  
brendon wouldnt get his ass out of bed 

 **brenny:** bc we dong have to be in school for another hOUR??? why would i get out o bed this earlu?

 **billieboy:** poeple of the chat  
i am not coming to school today

 **mook:** why the fuck   
u lil shit dony leave me here 

 **billieboy:** jfc sorry me being sick is an inconvenienience :/

 **tray:** billie u lying shithead 

 **billieboy:** trE WHAT THE FUCK IM NOT LYING 

 **franj:** aggression 

 **tray:** yes i am aggression frank  
billie is LYING   
i can fucking see him from where im walking 

 **mook:** wat   
whAT 

 **billieboy:** fuck off no u cant see me im in bed at my house 

 **tray:** ur right in front of me walking up the street  
u sure as hell dont look sick 

 **joosh:** o damn

 **ray is gay:** billie  
whats the hell is going on with u 

 **mook:** ive been askng him that for Yemen  
*years

 

 **\- tyelr**  changed **mook's**  nickname to **yemen**

 

 **yemen:** no tyler

 **tray:** billie u do realise i jcan still see u right

 **billieboy:** thats not me im asleep shh be quiet goodnight 

 **yemen:** billie fucking behave anc come to school

 **tray:** oh damnnnn  
what the fuck happened to ur face billie u loook like u got hit by a truck

 **joosh:** shady truck dude?

 **memekey:** shadY TRUCK DUDE?!?! 

 **brenny:** SHADY TRUCK DUDE 

 

 **\- dally** renamed the group **shady truck dude**

 

 **billieboy:** who the fuck is shady truck dude  
and my face os like this bc i fell calm down jfc

 **tray:** billie no offence but ur a fucking liar  
no one can get injuris that bad from falling over

 **yemen:** so u admit its u walking around then

 **billieboy:** NO   
FUC K

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **ray is gay:** its starting again isbnt it  
the drama and the fighting

 **memekey:** y e s ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **tray:** no for real guys  
his face is fucked up

 **yemen:** tre thats my fycjing boyfriend do u mind

 **franj:** 'fycjing' is THAT a chinese emperor? 

 **memekey:** CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT CHINESE EMPERORS 

 **gayrard:** MIKEY U HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ANYPNE NOT  TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING AFTER THE HARRY TRUMAN THING

 **memekey:** gerard pls  
dont talk about harry truman like that he doesnt like it

 **franj:** mikEY   
HARRY TRUMAN ISNT REAL  
wiat  
i fuckED UP

 **tyelr:** "harry truman isnt real" - frank iero 2017 

 **ray is gay:** how can harry truman be real if our eyes arent real

 **tray:** no guyS FOR FUCKING REAL   
BILLIE LEGIT LOOKS LIKE HES BEEN IN A BAD FIGHT

 **gayrard:** its billie  
he probably has

 **tyelr:** maybe he ws fighting shady truck dude

 **joosh:** no ty;er

 

 **\- franj**  changed **tyelr's**  nickname to **ty;er**

 

 **yemen:** wym tre  
like  
is it bad

 **tray:** yes its fucking bad  
i barely recognised him under all the bruises and cuts 

 **ray is gay:** o damn  
mike i think u need to talk to him 

 

 **\- yemen** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **yemen:** billie im not fuckong aruond   
u need to tell me what the fucks going on

 **billieboy:** just forget it

 **mook:** yea sure  
ill just forget u getting beat up  
ill just forget how fucking weird u act all the damn time  
ill just forget what u said about u being better off away from him 

 **billieboy:** what  
when did i say that

 **ty;er:** when he took advanateg of the fact that u were high on pain meds and started questioning u about ut homelife

 **yemen:** TYLER FUCK OFF   
yes i asked u questions when u were high  
but they werent like  
private life qyestions  
i think

 **billieboy:** they were either about mt private life or they werent michael dont be a fucjing idiot 

 **franj:** 'fucjing' i believe THAT is a chinese emperor 

 **gayrard:** frank shut up i need to see the drama

 **yemen:** idk fuck stop asking me shit

 **billieboy:** noW U KNOW HOW I FUCKING FEEL U ASSHOLe  
WERE THE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PRIVATE LIFE OF NOT 

 **yemen:**.......  
whats impoetant here is that we have our health 

 **billieboy:** u know what  
i tried to not get mad at u when u were being a snooping bastard   
but i cant fucking deal with u anymore   
fuck off 

 **yemen:** what

 **billieboy:** i said fuck off mike   
now fuck off

 **yemen:** yea i know  
but   
do u mean literally or.../?

 **billieboy:** i mean  
off is the general direction in which i wish you would fuck

 **yemen:** that  
that doesnt help at all

 **billieboy:** ill put it a little clearer for ur dumb as shit backwards fucking asshole mind  
i dnt want u fucking talking to me or looking at me or being anywhere fucking near me okay  
i dont want u texting or calling me i dont want u asking anyone else to text or call me   
i dont want u around anymore ur a fucking shitty boyfriend and ur a fucking shitty friend  
why dont u go fuck tre again   
just try not to irritate him with ur 20000 questions a day

 **yemen:** i dont wanna fuck tre i wanna fuck u   
im sorry for asking so many questions i just don think its fair that ur so goddamn fucked up and secretive all the time

 **tray:** um wow harsh :/  
first u dont wanna fuck me and then u say billies fucked up

 **yemen:** he is   
shit  
i didnt mean that ignore me  
jesus fuckong christ this is a disaster 

 **brenny:** mike u dun fucked up this time son

 **ray is gay:**.....

 **billieboy:** well mike maybe u should go find someone a little less fucked up then  
its fine i get it  
im too fucked up for u to handle  
im too fucked up for me to handle as well

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **dally:** i didnt read 90% of those messages but is this the end of bike?

 **ty;er:** yes dallon  
bike is over  
all that remains is joshler brallon and frerard 

 **memekey:** which will be the next relationship to fall apart

 **joosh:** probably joshler  
considering tyLER ISNT HERE WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD COME RESCUE ME

 **ty;er:** IM SORRY THERE WAS DRAMA I HAD TO STOP WALKING TO READ EVERYRHING 

 **joosh:** CONSIDER URSELF SINGLE

 **ty;er:** CONSIDER URSELF SINGLER 

 **joosh:** CONSIDER URSELF SINGLERER

 **gayrard:** consider urself at home  
consider urself one of the family

 **franj:** i love oliver twist 


	52. minerals and goats and twat boys aside...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah here's ryan..  
> also known as the chapter in which everyone finds out secrets about each other and suddenly no one likes each other anymore.

**\- joosh** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- joosh** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- joosh** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- joosh** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- joosh** added **billieboy** to **shady truck dude**

 

 **\- billieboy** left **shady truck dude**

 

 **joosh:** fucking stop omg

 **ty;er:** josh what are u even trying to do here

 **joosh:** im trying to help

 **franj:** ur rlly not tho :/

 **joosh:** watch and learn and also shut the fuck up  
hell stay this time

 **franj:** sure he will

 **joosh:** hE WILL

 **franj:** bet u $50 he wont

 **joosh:** BET U $50 HE WILL

 

 **\- joosh** added **billieboy to shady truck dude**

 

 **joosh:** BILLIE IM TRYING TO HELP PLS DONT LEAVE  
AND ALSO I KIND OF BET FRANK $50 U WOULD STAY 

 **billieboy:** sure ill stay  
but mike isnt

 

 **\- billieboy** removed **yemen** from **shady truck dude**

 

 **tray:** oh snap  
mike looks extremely offended 

 **billieboy:** hes gonna look extremely battered when i get hold of him

 **gayrard:** did somehing else happen or is this still abou yesterday?

 **billieboy:** u didnt hear the screamig this morning?

 **gayrard:** yes but i scream eternally into the void every day so its pretty normal for me

 

 **\- memekey** renamed the group ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **dally:** o H

 **billieboy:** short version: mikes a bastard   
slightly longer version: mikes a bastard and he hit me  
slightly longer longer version: mikes a bastard and he hit me and we got in a rlly big argument and now were both in troible 

 **tray:** ah  
the usual

 **ty;er:** swiftly moving on bc i have no idea how to even begin helping to fix this   
brendon tried to push me down the stairs again but missed and somehow pushed himself 

 **ray is gay:** only bredon could push himself down the stairs

 **brenny:** i cannot feel my ass 

 **dally:** u couldnt feell ur ass last night either ;)

 **joosh:** BALLON NO STOP  
*DALLON

 **memekey:** balLON HA

 

 **\- memekey**  changed **dally's**  nickname to **ballon**

 

 **ballon:** i may be intricate but at least i can spell my name

 **franj:** okayi just talked to mike

 **billieboy:** fuck you then

 

 **\- billieboy** removed **franj** from ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **gayrard:** billie jesus fuck stop removing people

 **billieboy:** do u wanna be next bitch   
stop chatting shit 

 **gayrard:** fucking fight me

 

 **\- gayrard** added **franj** to ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **\- gayrard** added **yemen** to ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **gayrard:** SORT THIS OUT RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR I WILL END BOTH UR ASSES

 

 **\- billieboy**  changed **yemen** **'s** nickname to **mike is a bastard**

 

 **mike is a bastard:** fuck u  
go get beat up again  
pussy

 **franj:** miKE QUIT BEING A FUCKING PILE OF WANK

 **mike is a bastard:** DONT FUCKING GET INVOLVED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP U ASS

 **memekey:** this is getting rather heated agaiN  
guys pls  
this is getting old just all of u apologize and stop being dicks to each other

 **billieboy:** apologize for what exactly   
i didnt do anything 

 **mike is a bastard:** neITHER DID I WTF

 **memekey:** I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT U DID OR DIDNT DO EVERYONE IN THIS GODDAMN CHAT IS GOING TO COME CLEAN ABOUT ALL THE FUCKED UP SHIT THEYVE DONE AND EVERYONES GOING TO FORGIVE THEM AND THEN WERE GOING TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER AND GET OVER IT AND WER E GOING TO ACT N O R M A L 

 **ray is gay:** jesus fucking christ mikey this isnt that bad 

 **brenny:** im mildly terrified of this can i not take part in this 

 **joosh:** (ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

 **brenny:** what the fuck does that mean 

 **joosh:** i know why ur terrified brendon  
i  _know_ what u did

 **mike is a bastard:** josh stop being weird   
also mikey ur idea sounds gr8 but no thanks 

 **tray:** sharing is good in friendships   
so ill go first  
i once ate a bit of mould on some cheese and i think that accounts for like 98% of my actions so dont blame me blame the mould 

 **franj:** "dont blame me blame the mould" - tre cool 2017

 **memekey:** tre.... that isnt what i meant  
i meant we talk about how weve fucked over our friends in the past

 **gayrard:** u mean like the time u told the principal it was ray who kept sticking gum to the desks when it was actually u

 **memekey:** geGARD 

 **ray is gay:** MICHAEL JAMES WAY   
I GOT IN SO MUCH SHIT FOR THAT AND IT WASNT EVEN FUCKING ME

 **memekey:** i know lol oops

 

 **\- billieboy**  changed **gayrard's**  nickname to **gegard**

 

 **ballon:** fuck off i just read that as gregory 

 **mike is a bastard:** illiterate fuck

 **gegard:** mike why are u so damn hostile today who hurt u 

 **mike is a bastard:** bilLIE FUCKING HURT ME  
HE LIES ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND STILL EXPECTS ME TO TRUST HIM  
FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD BE FUCKING SOMEONE BEHIND MY BACK

 **billieboy:** wow so thats what u think of me

 **tray:** mike u rlly gotta think befoe u type boi

 **joosh:** speaking of fucking behind peopls backs.....  
brendon (ಠ ͜ʖಠ)(ಠ ͜ʖಠ)(ಠ ͜ʖಠ)(ಠ ͜ʖಠ)(ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

 **brenny:** josh shut up

 **franj:** brendon what ahve u been up to son

 **ballon:** brendon u better fucking not have

 **brenny:** HEY GERARD  
JOSH WAS THE ONE WHO STOLE UR MONEY THAT ONE TIME  
AND HE LET U THINK IT WAS MIKEY 

 **gegard:** JOSH WHAT THE FUCK 

 **joosh:** BRENDON WHY AR E U SUCH A MEAN SHIT  
I WSNT ACTUALLU GONNA TELL THEM FUCK   
BUT FUCK U NOW I WILL

 **brenny:** nO I DIDNT DO ANYTHING STOP IT JOSH STOP IT 

 

 **\- brenny** removed **joosh** from ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **tray:** wow mikey ur plan is so effective   
many claps for u   
amazing  
10/10 for effort 

 **memekey:** ur gonna have a 10/10 shoved up ur ass in a minute if u keep being a sarcastic little shit

 **tray:** yes ty i know my ass is a 10/10

 **billieboy:** mike would know

 **ray is gay:** cold as ICE 

 **brenny:** savage

 

 **\- ty;er** added **joosh** to ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **\- brenny** left ***screams eternally into the void***

 

 **tray:** what the fuck did brendon even do   
pls tell me he didnt actually fuck someoen else

 **joosh:** i wasnt gonna say anything but then he fucking sold me out about gerards mine

 **gegard:** my what now

 **franj:** gerard the miner 

 **ray is gay:** i read that as 'gerard the mineral' and just though of the crave that mineral meme

 **billieboy:** does that mean gerards the goat

 **mike is a bastard:** no its means franks the goat and gerards the mineral  
bc frank craves gerard 

 **billieboy:** did i fucking ask u twat boy

 **memekey:** OHG MY UFCKIDJNBB GUDIOLPKJE"XKBH V"FIYTD*^T("&  
I LITERALLY JUST FUCKINH HEAD BUTTED MY PHONE BC OF U TWo

 **tray:** im sorry but i just peed a little  
"did i fucking ask u twat boy"   
thats the single greastet sentence in all of history

 

 **\- ty;er** renamed the group **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **joosh:** minerals and goats and twat boys aside...  
dallon im sorry to tell u this but ur boyfriend is a shitty person 

 **ballon:** and suddenly i want to die   
and i dont even know what he fuckng did yet

 **joosh:** well do u want to know?? or nah??

 **ballon:** well this chat cant get any worse can it

 **joosh:** wellllll  
way back when gerard stabbed billie  
i was out buying cereal at 3am 

 **ray is gay:** waiut hold up  
why the hell were u out buying ceral at 3am

 **joosh:** bc i wanted cereal?   
damn cant a boy get some cereal around here jesus fuck  
anyway  
i saw brendon when i was walking home and he kinda looked a lil upset

 **ballon:** ah yes i remember that nght we got in a fight bc i wanted to go see if billie was okay and brnedon told me not to bc i would make thinsg worse

 **mike is a bastard:** oh look another thing the gremlin has fucked up

 **billieboy:** im literally going to shoot u later u better fucking pray

 **mike is a bastard:** doesnt change the fact that u fuckng ruin eVERYTHING 

 

 **\- billieboy** left **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **tray:** mike ur literally being a fucking asshole now 

 **ballon:** contine josh

 **joosh:** ye brndon told me u guys got in a figth  
and he also told me something else that he made me promise to not tell anyone else

 **ray is gay:** this is.... awkward 

 **joosh:** fuck i dont wanna be the one telling u this but u gotta right to know  
basically brendon has this friend his names ryan   
he fucked him that night and then he fucked him again like 4 more times

 **ty;er:** shit  
dallon im sorry bro

 **gegard:** tyelr dont say bro its weird

 **ballon:** well thanks for telling me i guess  
im gonna go fucking hang myself or someshit

 

 **\- ballon** left **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **joosh:** it gets worse tho  
ryan thinks hes with brendon in a relationshop 

 **franj:** relationshop  
the one and only place to buy relationships  
come on down were having a half price sale 

 **memekey:** i need to go there

 **gegard:** why  
pete wentz is still single i hear

 **memekey:** i doNT FUCKING LIKE PETE GERARD LITERALLY GO AND FUCK A MOOSE

 

 **\- memekey** left **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **tray:** wait i know ryan  
lemme add him

 

 **\- tray** added **Ryan Ross** to **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **joosh:** nO TRE WHAT THE FUCK HES GONNA SEE THE MESSAGES   
HE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT BRENDON AND DALLON 

 **tray:** well hes about to

 **ty;er:** wait i know ryan too  
ryan wassup bro

 **gegard:** tyler stop fucking saying bro

 **Ryan Ross:** hey wassup tyler bro 

 **gegard:** i already dont like u ryan 

 **Ryan Ross:** woops dont care

 **ray is gay:** ryab allow me to apologize on behalf of these fuckhats  
half teh squad isnt even here theyre all pissed at each other 

 **Ryan Ross:** wait whats that message about brendon and dallon  
wym   
BRENDONS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH DALLON FUCKING WEEKES?  
w H A T t h e h e L L

 **ty;er:** and already ur part of the squad :)  
(to be part of this squad u have to be involvd in some form of drama wow look at u go ur evovling so fast)

 **mike is a bastard:** hes not evolving tyler hes not going to grow fucking wings

 **tray:** maybe he will maybe he wont who knows not me 

 **ray is gay:** spooky

 **Ryan Ross:** I JUST GOT ADDED INTO THIS HELLHOLE OF A CHAT AND I ALREADY FOUND OUT BRENDON IS A DIRTY CHEATING WHORE

 **gegard:** thats what this chat does to u  
it destorys ur happiness and leaves u dead inside  
trust me i am science man


	53. SHRINK SHRONK

**\- ty;er** added **memekey** to **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **\- ty;er** added **billieboy** to **did i fucking ask u twat boy**

 

 **ty;er:** YO  
SHIT IS GOING DOWN SO MUCH ITS GONNA TURN UP IN CHINA 

 **ray is gay:** using that phrase from now on

 **ty;er:** yall saw the billie/mike/tre clusterfuck  
now get ready for the brendon/dallon/ryan clusterfuck 

 **billieboy:** thanks tyler but im sitting in class with them rn i saw it all  
i think this might actually be a little worse than the billie/mike/tre clusterfuck 

 **memekey:** what happened

 **ty;er:** brendon couldt be bothered to write his whole name on his paper so he just wrote bren  
and the everyone started callig him it as a joke  
and dlalon was like "hey i know a better name for him why dont we call him diRTY FILTHY CHEATING SHITTY FUCKING SCUMBAG WHORE"  
and then he slammed his head into the desk 

 **joosh:** wild

 **ty;er:** and then ryan also slammed his head into the desk  
so now dallon and ryan are detention buddies and brendon got sent home bc of a percussion 

 **franj:** god yea dont u just hate it when u get sent home from school bc of the drums

 **ty;er:** frank u fuckstick  
i meant concubine  
*concussion  

 **billieboy:** is that like a porcupine 

 **ray is gay:** no billie a concubine is not a porcupine 

 **tray:** whos talking abour pork pies 

 **gegard:** ive never rlly liked pork pies   
fedoras are cooler 

 **Ryan Ross:** actually i thought someoen said somethihg about a combine harvester   
u know  
the farmy stuff

 **joosh:** ryans a farm boy ha

 

 **\- joosh**  changed **Ryan Ross's**  nickname to **farm boy**

 

 **farm boy:** im rlly part of the squad now   
i get a rad nickname like the rest of u guys :)

 **tray:** ryans not a farm boy  
hes a shronk 

 **farm boy:** wa whaj 

 **mike is a bastard:** i just wheezed so loud omg  
"wa whaj" - ryan 2017

 **franj:** trE SHUT THE SHIT UP ABOUT SHRONK I SWEAR TO GOD

 **farm boy:** whATS A SHRINK  
SHRONK

 **gegard:** SHRINK SHRONK 

 

 **\- ray is gay** renamed the group **SHRINK SHRONK**

 

 **memekey:** shronk is tres creation  
he drew mike wazowski with shreks face and named it shronk and aubmitted it to an art comp  
he didnt win but shronk lives on in all of us

 **farm boy:** rename me shronk boy pls

 

 **\- gegard**  changed **farm boy's**  nickname to **shronk boy**

 

 **joosh:** is anyone gonna add brallon back  
i feel like we need brallon back

 **shronk boy:** brallon doesnt exist anympre  
and neither does ryden  
hey maybe rylon wil be the nex thing 

 **ray is gay:** YES  
LETS WORK ON A SOLUTION RYAN GOOD JOB   
brendon and dallon isnst working and neitehr is ryan and brendon so how about ryan and dallon  
billie and mike isng working so lets just put mike w/ tre again  
billie can go with gerard again  
wait shit whwre does tha leave frank and gerard

 **gegard:** how about me and frank stay together  
and hw about billie and mike sort their shit out   
honesly brendons an ass he can get fucked   
ryan and dallon? nice ;)

 **ty;er:** joshler is the one relationship that hasnt had drama

 **joosh:** what about when i told u i was out of lucky charms but i actually wasnt out of lucky charms and u went to get more lucky charms and came back and saw me eating the lucky charms i already had so u threw the new lucky charms at me and i spilled my other lucky charms and we got in a figh over lucky charms

 **mike is a bastard:** josh if u say lucky charms one more time im going to deport u 

 **joosh:** where to

 **mike is a bastard:** ur mothers uterus 

 **shronk boy:** can i also get deported to joshs uterus   
wait no  
joshs MOMS uterus 

 **ty;er:** damn josh u never told me u had a uterus 

 **joosh:** i didnt know i ddid :/  
but no ryan u cant get deported to my moms udders   
utERUS NO 

 **memekey:** josh i didnt know ur mom had udders 

 **mike is a bastard:** scandalous 

 **tray:** im adding dallon back  
hes still our fren right

 

 **\- tray** added **ballon** to **SHRINK SHRONK**

 

 **ballon:** BRENDON DO U WANT TO KEEP UR HEAD ON UR NECK  
BC ADDING ME TO THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO LOSE IT  
oh lmao nvm it wasnt even bendon who added me

 **ray is gay:** did yall know u can chage the seettngs here so people cant leave

 **joosh:** THATS SOME VERY NICE INFORMATINS THANSK RAY  
wait why am i in caps   
sorry that came off rlly aggressive :/

 **memekey:** LET THE DRAMA CONSUME U HAHAHA

 

 **\- memekey** added **brenny** to **SHRINK SHRONK**

 

 **\- memekey** changed the group settings

 

 **ballon:** fuCK OFF MIKEY  
GERARD CONTROL UR BROTHEL 

 **franj:** hey u never told me u own a brothel 

 **gegard:** im croatias number 1 brothel owner frank didnt u hear

 **brenny:** i see u guys have been keeping busy

 **shronk boy:** im gonna be keeping busy tomorrow as well  
im gonna be beATING UR ASS

 **ballon:** no i am

 **shronk boy:** me first

 **ballon:** no ryan u a;ready fucking stole him at least let me kill him first

 **shronk boy:** i didnT STEAL HIM DALLON WHAT THE FUCK  
HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT U

 **brenny:** so this is all my fault?

 **mike is a bastard:** yes brendon what the fuck  
of course its ur fault  
u dont fucking cheat on people its not nice

 **billieboy:** says the guy who fucked his boyfriends best friend..

 **tray:** oh dear

 **franj:** um guys  
mikeys just kind of sat here with a really crazed look in his eyes  
he just said "yes.. let it take over.... let the drama conSUME US ALL"  
gerad is he okay

 **gegard:** no 

 **mike is a bastard:** BILLIE 

 **billieboy:** MIKE

 **joosh:** FRANK

 **franj:** RAY

 **ray is gay:** RYAN

 **shronk boy:** TYLER

 **ty;er:** DALLON

 **ballon:** GERARD

 **gegard:** MIKEY

 **memekey:** TRE

 **tray:** BRENDON

 **brenny:** JOSH

 **mike is a bastard:** no but seriously  
BILLIE DO U WANT TO DIE

 **billieboy:** yes actually 

 **mike is a bastard:** o H okaY  
jesus 

 **gegard:** blaspoomy is a sin 

 **tray:** blaspoomy 

 **joosh:** bloosphoomy is a sOOn   
sooner go to HOOL

 **ballon:** brendon belongs in hell

 **shronk boy:** brendon fucking comes from hell 

 **brenny:** thanks guys insult me harder i love it ;)

 **shronk boy:** okay   
ur a vile piece of shit and tomorrow me and dallon TOGETHER are going to beat ur ass

 **brenny:** kinky ;)))))

 **ballon:** U LITTLE FUCKING SHIT ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE KINKY

 **shronk boy:** wait can we still remove people  
I WANT TO REMOVE BRENDON

 **ballon:** MIKEY WHAT SORCERY DID U DO NONE OF US CAN REMOVE ANYONE   
I CANT EVEN CHANGE THE SETTIN BACK   
M I K E Y

 **memekey:** guess ur gonna have to suffer woops

 **gegard:** no mikey what the hell did u even do  
we cant leave we cant remove anyone we cant add anyone  
we cant even fucking mute it mikey this is gonna be the death of at least 6 of us pls sotp

 

 **\- franj** renamed the group **pls sotp**

 

 **franj:** hey at least we can still changeg thegroup name 

 **ballon:** what about nicknames

 

 **\- shronk boy**  changed **brenny's**  nickname to **SHIT FIT**

 

 **shronk boy:** yea nicknames still work 

 **ballon:** shit fit  
nice ryan nice 

 **gegard:** so dallon  
aside from the whole accidnetally having the same boyfriend thing   
are u and ryan like bffs now

 **ballon:** no were bfuaasbu  
"best friends united against actual satan brendon urie"

 **ty;er:** can i join the uniion  
he pished me down the stairs once

 **SHIT FIT:** hey   
that means i get to join the union too  
i pushed myself down the stairs as well remember 

 **shronk boy:** no get rekt fuckass

 **ray is gay:** u cannot join a union united againts urself brendon 

 **billieboy:** hey  
remamber that time mike disapepared for almsot a week   
and there was a search party  
and mike accidentally joined the searcg party looking for himself  
thats what ths rreminds me of

 **mike is a bastard:** im tearing up  
billie just spoke about me without cursing or insilting me

 **billieboy:** shut the fuck up andstop being an ass michael 

 **mike is a bastard:** and welcome back folks to the billie being a massive whiny bitch show  
i am ur host mike dirnt and todays guest is the whiny bitch himself   
so tell me billie when did u start being a whiny bitch

 **billieboy:** oh wow lemme think  
when u started being a comlete bastard 

 **memekey:** i would watch THE SHIT out of this


	54. behold: The Egg™️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Squad™️ starts a war

**ray is gay:** there hasnt been any drama for almost a week is everyoe still alive and well

 **mike is a bastard:** wym ray where tf have u been  
brendon lost 2 teeth and possibly an eye to ryan and dallon a few hours ago

 **SHIT FIT:** my eye is still in its socket actually

 **billieboy:** mike should be the one losing an eye 

 **gegard:** yea i agree w/ that actually

 **mike is a bastard:**?????????? tf did i do now

 **billieboy:** maYBE TELLING EVERYOEN I GAVE U AN STD 

 **ty;er:** mike thats fucked up :/

 **mike is a bastard:** WELL BILLIE FUCKING TOLD THE PRINCIPAL I WAS JACKING OFF IN THE BATHROOM   
AND THEN HE WAS ALL LIKE "firdt u piss in the hallway now u jack off in a toilet why cant u keep ur dick in ur pants"

 **ty;er:** billie thats fucked up :/  
this is all fucked up ://///

 **ballon:** i wish brendon did lose an eye

 **SHIT FIT:** i wish u lost ur dick but whatev  
i also wish ryan lost his dick too

 **shronk boy:** oi brendon fite me m8   
1v1 me on club penguin 

 **SHIT FIT:** i cannot  
i have been banned 

 **gegard:** guys  
pls  
let the insanity end now 

 **memekey:** for ocne i agree with egg 

 **gegard:** ehat the fuck why are u claling me egg 

 **memekey:** i tried to type gee but i ended up typing geg bc of ur nickname and it changed to egg soz lol :/

 

 **\- tray** renamed the group **behold: The Egg™️**

 

 **shronk boy:** the capitalism is making me uncomfortable 

 **joosh:** same ryan same 

 **shronk boy:** and it appears i cant spell  
*capitalization 

 **mike is a bastard:** wow  
u and dallon are literally made for each other

 **SHIT FIT:** um   
that hurts 

 **mike is a bastard:** well brendon if u wanted dallon u shouldnt have got with ryan and if u wanted ryan u shouldnt have got with dallon its simple  
dont be a whiny brat when the brendon/dallon/ryan clusterfuck is entirely ur fault u cheating whore 

 **billieboy:** says the one who fucked tre....

 **mike is a bastard:** biLLIE SHUT UR ASSHOLE MOUTH

 **SHIT FIT:** hey mike   
fucking fight me bitch 

 **mike is a bastard:** hey brendon  
i fuCKING WILL BITCH 

 **ray is gay:** oh my god  
mike just walked out of class  
brendon hes comng for u

 **shronk boy:** brnedon walked out too  
imma go watch   
i love seeing brendon get his ass kicked

 **billieboy:** mike cant fight for shit tho lmao

 **ballon:** its okay  
ill back mike up in his battle agenst actual satan 

 **billieboy:** then im backing brendon so we can fuck mike up 

 **shronk boy:** well im backing mike bc brendon isnt getting out of this alive 

 **memekey:** is this exciting anyone else

 **ty;er:** wait a sec  
so mikes fighting brendon  
but now ryan and dallon are also fighting brendon  
and billies also fighting mike 

 **tray:** mike dallon and ryan vs brendon and billie   
who survives  
tune in next week for The Battle™️

 **memekey:** tre why do u keep ™️ing things 

 **tray:** Who Knows™️

 **franj:** hi wassup u gays   
whOA I MISSED A LOT

 **gegard:** WE MUST PICK SIDES

 **ty;er:** josh  
if we end up on dfferent sides of the war  
promuse me u will do ur duty and kill me if u have to

 **joosh:** i promise tyler  
and promise me u will also do ur duty and kill me if we cross paths 

 **ty;er:** i promise 

 **franj:** waht excatly is happening 

 **gegard:** NO TIME FOR THAT  
PICK A TEAM  
TEAM BRENDON OR TEAM MIKE

 **franj:** *sweats nervously*   
well theyre both assholes at the moment so i choose TEAM FRANK  
aka TEAM I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON AND I WANT NO PART OF IT

 **ray is gay:** joining franks team

 **gegard:** just to even out the teams  
im joing teame brendon 

 **ballon:** gerard  
u were our friend    
how could u

 **gegard:** but that doesnt change teh fact that brebdob is a shit

 **SHIT FIT:** breBDOB   
GERARD WHY

 

 **\- franj**  changed **SHIT FIT's**  nickname to **brebdob**

 

 **shronk boy:** brebdob the shit fit 

 **tray:** Brebdob The Shit Fit™️

 **memekey:** tre pls stop

 **ballon:** oH SHIT   
MIKE JUST FULL ON PUNCHED BRNEDON  
SO FUCKING HARD HE FEL OVER   
HA GET REKT ASSWEED

 **billieboy:** BRNEDON KILL MIKE AND ILL GIVE U like $3 sorry im broke lmao 

 **tray:** i need to see this

 **gegard:** GET HERE NOW ALL OF U   
BILLIE JUMPED ON MIKE AND SLAMMED HIS HEAD INTP A WALL  
NOW MIKE KICKED BILLIE  
AHWTAAA EDIJHB  
RYAN CAME OUTR OF NOWHERE AND ANIHILATED BRENDON H O L Y S H I T  
OH DNCY FCUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK   
BRENDON KNOCKED MIKES TOOTH OUT   
HA FUCKING HA BILLIE HIT RYAN   
DALLONS HERE AND HES GOT A BASEBALL BAT HOL Y FCUJKK

 **memekey:** gerard  
calm down   
jfc 

 **franj:** me and ray are just kind of watching 

 **joosh:** that looks freakishly violent   
and freakishly painful  
yea imma just sit with frank

 **ty;er:** mayeb we wont hav to kill each other in the war  
peace wins  
well not for the rest of them

 **tray:** geRARD NO WHAT ARE U DOING

 **memekey:** WHATS EH DOING

 **tray:** idk mikey thats why i just asked him

 **franj:** GERARD IS CHOKING NIKE NO OMG

 **tray:** nike  
u mean like the company 

 **franj:** yes tre  
gerard is choking an entire company   
no u ass hes choking mike

 **tray:** but u said nike

 

 **\- tray**  changed **mike is a bastard's**  nickname to **nike**

 

 **franj:** k welll hes not choking mike anymore bc dallon pushed him over  
tyler josh mikey one of u take over commentary by beloved needs me

 **memekey:** franks gonna die out there

 **joosh:** idk  
hes not that much smalelr than billie and billies doing okay

 **tray:** yea if okay means being violently thrown around by everyone  
im bored and also this fighting is making me wanna fight so imma go save billie

 **memekey:** oh my god everyoes joinig in i cant fight no i dont wanna do this someoen save me

 **ty;er:** half the schools just watching   
while everyones distracted i can go steal all the pencil sharpeners 

 **ray is gay:** may i ask why

 **ty;er:** u may not

 **memekey:** wait wheres everyoen going  
the fights moving

 **ray is gay:** and there are teachers coming so im just gonna pretend i hav no part in this

 **memekey:** so ur gonna let ur friends get in shit while u sit here and do nothing  
same good plan ray good plan

 **joosh:** the fight stopped u guys  
the principal tywin and mr turner all turned up  
and franks yellingat mr truner

 **gegard:** frank always yells at mr turner iys fine  
what isnt fine is my face hurts 

 **ty;er:** i have 19 pencil sharpernes in my pocket but is everyoen alive

 **nike:** just aboyt  
shit brendon ur fucking EVIL

 **brebdob:** they dont call me actual  satan for nohing michael  
or shluld i say nichael 

 **ray is gay:** why not nigel

 **billieboy:** oh my god u guys  
the principal just quit his job bc of us

 **joosh:** well at leaast 1 good thing came out of The War™️

 **tray:** the principal is my daddy dont be so heartless :(

 **shronk boy:** trE NO

 **ballon:** RYANS LEARNT THE MOTTO OF THE CHAT PRAISE THE HEATHENS 

 **franj;** did u mean to say heavens then

 **ballon:** no 


	55. dallonini tortellini

**ballon:** me and ryan are in over our heads send help

 **brebdob:** ha fucker get rekt 

 **memekey:** its first period what the fuck did u guys do

 **shronk boy:** u know how the principal quit and now we have a new principal and he got rid of loads of the old teachers and employed new ones  
well one of the new ones saw dallon on his phone and she asked him what he was doing and he didnt reply for ages  
so i said he doesnt speak english   
and i also said im his translator   
and now i dont know how to fix this 

 **ray is gay:** thats literally teh worst thing u coudl have said ryan  
u fit right in here well done

 **shronk boy:** no ray not well done  
dallon keeps whispering to me and pretending to speak italian and i have to make up random shit and tell the teacher what hes saying

 **ballon:** ryan u complicated things a bit too much tho  
u didnt have to tell her my entire family was killed in an explosion and im the only survivng member of a famous crime family   
u also didnt have to tell her i was held hostage by corrupt cops and tortured for information

 **shronk boy:** go big or go home

 **ballon:** id like to go home actually this is getting awkwarder and awkwarder

 **tray:** billie see this is what ur missing by getting beat up again

 **nike:** he got beat upa agin??  
i dont care im just asking

 **billieboy:** i didnt get beat up again tre jfc i didnt even get beat up the first time  
i fell and i fell again  
leave me alone stop snooping shut up

 **shronk boy:** u gotta admit  
it was a fun story 

 **ballon:** ryan   
u told her my name is dallonini tortellini   
the ENTIRE CLASS ALMOST CHOKED TO DEATH

 **gegard:** DALLONINI TORTELLINI I CANNOT VREATHE   
IM FUCKING WHEEZING JESUS SHIT HOLY HELL FUCK ME UP THE ASS I CANT BREATEH

 **franj:** DALLONINI TORTELLINI BIKINI ZUCCHINI MARTINI DRATINI 

 **memekey:** is one o f thos a pokemkon  

 **joosh:** yes  
zucchini  

 **ty;er:** i turn my phone off for a minute and i miss dallon becoming an italian mob boss and a new pokemon called a zucchini 

 **ray is gay:** very authentic sounding good job ryan 10/10

 **shronk boy:** thank u

 **nike:** isnt tortellini pasta 

 **brebdob:** hA DALLON PASTA 

 **ballon:** breD DO U WANT ME TO WHACK U 

 **ty;er:** he even talks like a mob boss wow 

 **billieboy:** is no one gonna talj about 'bred'

 

 **\- tray**  changed **brebdob's**  nickname to **bred**

 

 **bred:** #blessed

 **shronk boy:** ha fuck the teacher brought in an actual real italian kid   
shes asking me to ask him if he speaks any english  
what do i do help me og my god

 **franj:** ryan chill son  
all u gotta say is "non ti darò mai, non ti lascerò mai, non correrò mai e ti sconfinerò"  
trust me i have italian gangser friends 

 **ballon:** frank what the hell did u make him say  
the italin kid is fuckng losing his shit  
hes laughing so hard he fell over

 **ray is gay:** frank are u serious

 **franj:** come on ray its funny  
the italin kid even thinsg so

 **joosh:** i just translated it  
ryan frank literally made u say the lyrics to never gonna give u up

 **shronk boy:** i need to apologise immediately holy shit  
anyone that isnt frank how do u say sorry

 **billieboy:** its "vaffanculo" 

 **ballon:** biLLIE THE ITALIAN KID JUST PUCNHED RYAN 

 **shronk boy:** YES BILLIE THE ITALIAN KID JUST PUNCHED ME

 **nike:** good on bj good one

 **gegard:** mike are u okay today  
ur being freakishly nice 

 **joosh:** VAFFANCULO MEANS FUCK OFF 

 **shronk boy:** OH MY GOD NO   
oh i just got kicked out

 **ballon:** no come back  
ur my translator   
how am i supposed to communicate   
goddamn language barriers 

 **ray is gay:** dallon u speak english 

 **ballon:** que?

 **bred:** im gonna go sit on the roof   
anyone wanna join me

 **shronk boy:** hahaHA no

 **memekey:** ive had it  
this shit has to stop  
ALL OF US GO TO THE ROOF NOW

 **nike:** um  
no

 **billieboy:** i dont like this  
mikeys gonna make us all jump or someshit 

 **memekey:** what the fuck no im not  
 i was gonna make everyone be friends again

 **ty;er:** josh im sorry i broke ur fave spoon

 **joosh:** it okay tyler

 **ray is gay:** i think mikey meant brendon dallon and ryan and billie and mike 

 **gegard:** no one go to trhe roof someone might fall off and land in the principals arms again  
cough TRE cough

 **tray:** hey at least i had fun  
dman   
i can never fall in the principals arms again :(

 **nike:** its okay tre well find u a new principal 

 **tray:** thank u :(

 **gegard:** I HAVE A PLAN   
KIND OF  
billie and mike need to stop pretending they hate each other bc its painfully obvious how sad they are without each other  
brendon im not sure what u need to do just dont cheat on people okay  
ryan and dallon... just fight to the death over who gets brendon

 **shronk boy:** actually y i thogt about that  
dallon u should be with brendon  
u 2 were better than me and brendon were 

 **ballon:** oh my god im nearly crying ryan why are u doing this

 **bred:** i..... do not know how to react to this

 **gegard:** okay well that worked out well

 **franj:** gerard the saviour 

 **nike:** ill make peace with billie IF he tells me what the hells going on

 **billieboy:** hA no bye   
fuck shit ass i cant even leave mikey why are u like this 

 **memekey:** ill change teh settinsg back if u all stop being mean and angry all the time

 **nike:** mean and angry is part of billies personality tho...

 **billieboy:** shit u right :/

 **memekey:** okay   
so  
brendon and dallon work on ur shit  
billie and mike work on ur shit  
ryan im sorry about brendon but theres plenty of fish in the sea

 **shronk boy:** i dont like fish 

 **nike:** billie just answer one question   
why wont u tell me anything about ur personal life

 **billieboy:** trust me u dont wnana know about it  
its pretty fucked up thats all im saying 

 **nike:** okay well  
thats more than u ever said before so 

 **memekey:** see it wasnt that hard 

 

 **\- memekey** changed the group settings

 

 **ty;er:** h my gad thats a good sentence   
A Good Sentence™

 **ray is gay:** billie wait a sec

fucked up how exactly???????????

 **billieboy:** damn did this turn into 20 qustions 

 **tray:** i guess now would be a good time to ask who shady truck dude is  
u know  
the shady dude in the truck who shouts a lot 

 **billieboy:** goTTA BLAST 

 

 **\- billieboy** left **behold: The Egg™️**

 

 **\- bred** renamed the group **the one that got away**


	56. the gang celebrates mikey losing his virginity

**\- gegard**  changed **memekey's**  nickname to **extra virgin olive oil**

 

 **nike:** i have some questions

 **extra virgin olive oil:** geRARD IM NOT A VIGRIN 

 **gegard:** yes u are ur like 12 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** IVE DONE THE SEX MANY TIMES THANK U  
anyway  
im not talking about this to my brorher in the chat 

 **tray:** how escatly did this conversation get started 

 **franj:** he walked in on me and gerard  
and freaked out like the virgin he is

 **extra virgin olive oil:** i didnt freak out frnak dont spread LIE >:(

 **gegard:** mikey   
u screamed and covered ur eyes and then fel over trying to get out of the room  
id call that freaking out

 **extra virgin olive oil:** gerard consider this  
i didnt want to see my brother getting fucked in the ass by my friend   
okay

 **shronk boy:** gerards a bottom confirmed 

 **gegard:** miKEY FUCK   
U DONT HAVE TO GO INTO RETAIL 

 **bred:** god yea mikey calm down theres no need to get a job in retail just bc u saw ur brother getting pounded in the ass :/

 **franj:** can we pls stop talking aboiut gerard getting pounded in the ass now

 **gegard:** the point of this is  
MIKEYS TOTALLY A VIRGIN

 **extra virgin olive oil:** IM TOTALLY FUCKING NOT 

 **ray is gay:** name one person u did the do with 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** pete wentz 

 **ballon:** brenDON OWES ME $32.71 HA BITCH GET REKT

 **bred:** fuCK OFF   
MIKEY COULDNT U KEEP IT IN UR PANTS UNTIL JUNIOR YEAR

 

 **\- nike** added **billieboy** to **the one that got away**

 

 **nike:** billie u owe me whatever the hell was in ur pockets the day we made this bet 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** what the fuck  
u guys bet actual money on me having sex with someone

 **billieboy:** well not us  
i bet mike u wouldnt fuck anyone until at least next year   
but he bet me the contents of my pockets that u already fucked someone

 **tray:** and then we agreed that one of u buys me taco bell if he fucked pete wentz 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** i dont like u guys anymore ur not my friends

 

 **\- extra virgin olive oil** left **the one that got away**

 

 **joosh:** well we missed a lot   
whats been happening here 

 **bred:** i owe dallon $32.71 billie owes mike the stuff in his pockets and either billie or mike owes tre taco bell  
and mikey is no longer our friend

 **ballon:** i may have lost a friend today but i also gained $30

 **tray:** mike im comng into ur class to pickpocket u   
im gonna go buy me some taco bell

 **ty;er:** tre whats ur obsession with taco bell

 **tray:** it gives me diarrhoea and then i have an excuse to stay home from school 

 **billieboy:** tre cool ladies and gentlemen 

 **shronk boy:** it rlly says something bout the american education system when a kid would rather have dirohearorearea than go to school

 **ray is gay:** that would have been an inspiring quote if u spelled diarrhoea right 

 **ballon:** he did spell iyt right???

 **ty;er:** sure dallon

 **joosh:** idk what kinda tv show u been watching tyler but the quote is "sure jan" 

 **billieboy:** spreaking of jam  
im so hungry rn someone bring me jam

 **tray:** come to taco bell with me  
mikes paying

 **nike:** is he

 **bred:** aYY  
MIKES BUYING US ALL TACO BELL  
OH FUCKING HELL

 **shronk boy:** u okay brendon 

 **bred:** WELL IM USING A SCHOOL COMPUTER BC I GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY  
AND I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN TRE MENTIONED TACO BELL THAT I BROKE THE KEYBOARD A LITTLE

 **gegard:** brendon why are u shouting

 **bred:** BECAYSE ITS THE CAPS LOCK KEY THAT BROKE  
I SOUND SO NAGRY IM SO SORRY

 **ray is gay:** nagry   
brendon is nagry

 **bred:** RAT PLS DONT MAKE FUN OF ME IM IN A VERY STRESSFUL SITUATION 

 **ray is gay:** did u just fucking call me rat 

 

 **\- nike**  changed **ray is gay's**  nickname to **rat**

 

 **rat:** oh MY GOD miCHAel

 **franj:** ha rat man rat man rat man

 **billieboy:** i just ran away from tywin   
he said i wasnt allowed to just walk off and get taco bell in the middle of class

 **rat:** that mans going to have a heartattack one day and its gonna be our fault 

 **tray:** well lets go to taco bell then   
I NEED MY WEEKLY DOSE OF DIARRHOEA 

 **billieboy:** im coMING JESUS 

 **nike:** not without me ur not   
jk i dont wanna come to taco bell its gross 

 

 **\- gegard** added **extra virgin olive oil** to **the one that got away**

 

 **gegard:** mikey theyre going to taco bell to celebrate u losing ur virginity to pete wentz 

 **ty;er:** this episode of group chat: the gang celebrates mikey losing his virginity

 **extra virgin olive oil:** u guys do realise that i didnt JUST lose my virginity right  
it happened like 3 years ago

 **rat:** mikey u hoe

 **gegard:** ray dont call my brother a hoe  
but yea mikey u hoe   
u were like 12 

 **joosh:** mikeys been gettin all the lads since the ripe age of 12

 **ty;er:** josh  
12 isnt a ripe age  
12 is a baboy 

 

 **\- franj** renamed the group **baboy**

 

 **bred:** WHAT WOULD U CONSIDER TO BE A RIPE AGE THEN TYLER

 **ty;er:** liek  
80

 **gegard:** 50

 **ballon:** 32

 **rat:** make it 18

 **bred:** AH YES  
THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 18  
I YEARN TO LIVE THAT LONG

 **shronk boy:** o how i wish i could live to the ripe old age of 18 years  
i am but 16 and already on my death bed  
but alas i have had a good life  
thrice i ate a berry and once a pear  
my children and grandchildren shall thrive in the new world

 **extra virgin olive oil:** what the fuck ryan 

 **tray:** yall are weird as fuck im going to taco bell

 **billieboy:** bro trip to taco bell 

 **rat:** billie dont ever say bro trip 

 **ty;er:** have fun u guys  
feel bad for us poor unfortunate souls who arent going on the bro trip

 **joosh:** think of us when u get diarrhoea later 

 **nike:** actually i woulndt really want anyone thinking about me when theyre taking a shit ya feel me

 **gegard:** fuck u mean mike thats the best time to think of someone 

 **shronk boy:** "i care about u so ill picture u when i take a shit later"   
its almost better than saying i love u 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** once again i have to say what the fuck ryan

 **rat:** im watching u 2 walk away from my class btw

 **billieboy:** why do u have ur hand on the glass like this is some war movie and me and tre are ur husbands leaving for war

 **ty;er:** 'husbands' PLURAL   
ray u hoe

 **tray:** if i die i die  
i have had a good life

 **shronk boy:** u havent had a good life until u have thrice eaten a berry and once a pear 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** and again.. what the fuck ryan  


	57. the planets aligned and ur gonna get slapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me go wow 2 updates holy frick

**bred:** OH SHIT U GUYS  
HOLY FUCKING SHIT   
TACO BELL ENDED IN A BLOODBATH   
THIS IS SO GODDAMN WILD

 **ballon:** what the fuck happened jesus christ 

 **bred:** U SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE   
OH MAN ALL U GUYS SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE  
THIS IS SO FUCKING INSANE 

 **nike:** what did billie and tre do this time  
no wait i dont wanna know   
but is billie okay

 **bred:** well hes alive   
i think

 **nike:** whAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN  
im coming down there rn 

 **shronk boy:** brendon   
u 3 were there for less than an hour   
how tf did u manage to cause trouble so fast

 **bred:** IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST HOLY FUCK I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED  
BUT BILLIES LAYING ON THE FLOOR HE WONT EVEN SPEAK AND TRES IN HANDCUFFS AND THE WHOLE PLACE IS WRECKED 

 **gegard:** okay we're gonna need an explanation 

 **bred:** oh s hit i gotta go 

 **nike:** I JUST RAN A:LL THE WAY THE TACO BELL AND IT LEGIT LOOKS LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED  
I CANT ASK ANY ONE BC TRES GETTING ARRESTED BRENDONS RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO AVOID THE COPS AND BILLIE LOOKS LIKE HES ABOUT TO CRY 

 **ty;er:** every time i dont check my phone something interesting happens why is life cruel to me this way

 **joosh:** bc u a bitch

 **bred:** okay i lost the cosps 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** why were they even chasing u

 **bred:** okay so full story time  
we got to taco bell and billies phone kept ringing and he kept ignoring it but then he answered it on oud speaker and an angry man was yelling   
billie said he was at taco bell which was dumb bc then the angry man found us  
and tre said it was shady truck dude

 **extra virgin olive oil:** SHADY TRUCK DUDE????????

 **bred:** yes mikey thats what i justs said  
anYWya  
billie like tried to get up and run away for some reason??  
but shady truck dude grabbed him and thREW HIM on the ground it was mnetal 

 **nike:** why  
what the fuck  
whO THE FUCK IS TRYNA HURT MY BOYFRIEND 

 **bred:** he isnt trying to hurt him mike he DID hurt him   
like a lot

 **joosh:** at least bike are back together :)

 **franj:** i love josh   
he always sees the good in a situation 

 **ty;er:** um france fuck off pls   
frANCE IM WHEEZE

 

 **\- rat**  changed **franj's**  nickname to **france**

 

 **nike:** theres literally NO good in this situatio tho 

 **bred:** can we like stop interrupting brendon now pls ty  
anyway  
so shday truck dude threw him on the floor and was like kicking the shit out of him  
everyone else in taci bell were recording it   
and then i SHIT U NOT  
TRE RAN AT HIM AND BODY SLAMMED HIM AND STARTED PUCNHING HIM

 **nike:** tres a good boy a pure boy  
saving billie   
good

 **gegard:** i wish i came to diarrhoea central w/ u guys now it sounded crazy 

 **bred:** it was terrifying no joke  
shady truck dude fucken BATTERED him   
and he was yelling and billie was also yelling and tre was yelling and beating the shit out of shady truck dude  
and then shady truck dude staretd hitting tre so i joined in and man it was wild 

 **ty;er:** fucken sick bro

 **nike:** aM I THE ONLY ONE CONCENED FOR BILLIES HEALTH   
HE LOOKS DEAD 

 **ballon:** brendon finish the story now now now

 **shronk boy:** i never knew taco bell was so exciting 

 **bred:** yea so shady truck dude was fighting all 3 of us  
and the billie got super mad and just smashed a chair over his head   
then someone called the cops and like 10 cops cars pulled up outside  
and they ran in and grabbed billie and tried to arrest him but tre kicked one of them and got himself arrested instead  
and then shady truck dude punched billie one last time and said he was gonna kill him when he gets home  
idk man it was fucked up

 **nike:** oh mygod u guys ar e never going to taco bell again shit 

 **france:** but the real question is who the fuck is shady truck dude and why does he hate billie so much 

 **rat:** i... how...  
its been an hour  
AN HOUR  
and u guys are already getting arrested and beatu up

 **extra virgin olive oil:** ray where haveu been myy son 

 **rat:** i have been not getting arrested or beat up  
which is wild i know idk how i manage to stay out of trouble its a crazy concept 

 **nike:** why the fuck did billie just walk off   
wheres he going 

 **billieboy:** home  
leave me aloen   
dont listen to brendon it rlly wasnt that bad im fine

 **france:** is tre still getting arresteds

 **bred:** yea they just took him away in a cop car   
and billie dont pretend ur fine u can barely walk 

 **billieboy:** i fuckng said im fine okay leave it

 **shronk boy:** should we go and rescue tre  
im gonna go and rescue tre

 **joosh:** prison break starring tre cool and ryan ross

 **ty;er:** hey ryan  
the second letter in both our first names is y and the second letter in boht our last names is o   
u know what hat means

 **shronk boy:** the planets aligned and ur gonna get slapped 

 **ty;er:** :O  
no actually  
it means we are soul mates

 **joosh:** tlyler no 

 **ty;er:** sorry jish im leaving u for ryan 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** "tlyler"

 **rat:** "jish"

 

 **\- gegard**  changed **ty;er's**  nickname to **tlyler**

 

 **\- gegard**  changed **joosh's**  nickname **jish**

 

 **\- nike** removed **billieboy** from **baboy**

 

 **nike:** u guys this isnt  a joke anymore im seriously worried about billie 

 **tlyler:** removing him is really going to help well done mike 10/10 A+ effort 

 **mike:** up shut ur mouth mother bitch

 **gegard:** billie said he was fine  
but then again brendon said he wasnt fine

 **france:** theyre both liars who should we trust 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** me and ray just went to see what happened  
and yea we should definitely trust brendon on this one  
billie really isnt fine 

 **rat:** he looks so sad and scared i think i might cry oh my god  
lmao tre just waved as he got taken away  
he looks a bit fucked up too

 **bred:** yea some heavy shit went down  
but hey at least we got taco bell

 **jish:** hey u know how tre said taco bell gives him diarrhoea   
what if he gets diarrhoea in the cop car

 **shronk boy:** i would pay to see that

 **extra virgin olive oil:** and for the fourth time this day: what the fuck ryan 


	58. DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP

**ballon:** tyler we need to talk about ur search history buddy 

 **tlyler:** whY THE FUCK ARE U LOOKING AT MY SEARCH HISTORY 

 **ballon:** U USED MY PHONE TO SEARCH A FUCK TON OF STUFF HOW CAN I NOT LOOK AT IT 

 **jish:** tyler we talked about this  
dont watch porn on other peoples phones  
its not polite 

 **brebdob:** tyler thats disrespectful 

 **tlyler:** eat my entire ass i wasnt even watching porn i just had some questions 

 **ballon:** "is guy ferrari in smash mouth"   
"guy ferrari smash mouth guy same person"  
"who s the singer of smash moth"  
"guy ferrari is in smash mouth conspiracy theory"

 **gegard:** what the hells a smash moth 

 **france:** "guy ferrari" tyler did u actually type that or is dallons illiterate acting up again

 **tlyler:** is his name not guy ferrari 

 **france:** no u fool its guy fieri 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** actually its guy ramsay ferry 

 **gegard:** mikey why do u know so much useless information on irrelevant people   
namely guy ferrari and harry truman 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** harRY TRUMAN ISNT IRRELEVANT GERARD U ARE

 **tray:** i bet mikey has wet dreams about harry truman and guy fieri having hot steamy sex 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** im going to make some new friends bye

 

 **\- extra virgin olive oil** left **baboy**

 

 **shronk boy:** and im going to have a conversation with someone normal bye

 

 **\- shronk boy** left **baboy**

 

 **france:** trE MY SON UR BACK HOW WAS UR LIFE IN PRISON

 **tray:** oh MAN IT WAS WILD there was this man they called him dildo dave becsue he beat his girlfriend to death with a dildo and he gave me some life advice  
"if ur gonna commit a crime, make sure u dont get caught"   
im living ,y life by that motto now shout out to dildo dave my homie on the inside 

 **rat:** tre i want u to stop a sec and ask urself  
is it a good idea to take life advice from a man called dildo dave 

 **tray:** yes ray tf kind of question is that

 

 **\- tray** renamed the group **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **tray:** so wheres bike 

 **brebdob:** billies just kind of vanished off teh face of the earth after yesterday  
and im not sure where mike is he hasnt been in the chat today

 **rat:** for some reason that alarms me

 **ballon:** adding ryan back he just txeted me yelling about somethinh 

 **brebdob:** but how can he text and yell 

 **tlyler:** *x-files theme music plays*

 **jish:** ryan is a man of many talenst im sure he can find a way of texting AND yelling 

 

 **\- ballon** added **shronk boy** to **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **shronk boy:** WE NEED TO SAVE MIKE HES GONNA GET HIMSELF KILELD  
but wait whos dildo dave

 **gegard:** the phrase is "but wait theres more" not "but wait whos dildo dave"

 **jish:** buT WaIT thEReS MoRe

 **tlyler:** b u t w a i t t h e r e s m o r e

 **jish:** b̶̮͍̖̦̣̝̼̫̝̒͐̾͊͒̑̔͝u̷̪̼̤͙̦̥̜̒̊̽̍͒̆̀͆̍͞t̸̛̗̬̙̖̻͔̗̭̍̆͑͘͝͡ w̵̮͎̞̹͕̼̯͎̠̱͐̀͒͋̊̆̆͂̚̕ą̭̦̼̞̺͆̉̿͋͠ï̡̡̨͔͎̥̣̠͑͊͗̕͝t̨̢̛͎͈͈͉̺͖̺̋̑̃͆͑͟͡ ṭ̸͓͓̰̪̩͖͗͆̈́͆͑̊͜h̴̹̪̯̤̣͎͎̰͚̃̎̈́̇̾̽̓̑͟͠e̹̭̠͔̪̻̘̯͂̀̒̌̈́̑̾͗̈r̵̡̭̱̬̥̃̒̏͌̂͝ȩ̨̻̝̯̭̬̙̱̒͆̋̂̊s̢͓̦̼̈̄́̒̾̇̚ͅ m̸̟͉̫̻̭͔̍͆̓̌̆̆̾͢͝o̷̯̫͇̥̰̪̖͂͒̾̌̔̎͡͡ŕ̡̺̪̞̾̌͗̋͂̕͟͝ȇ̴͎͓̯̰̳̽̋̒̓̎͢͠

 **france:** NO   
NO   
NO   
N  
O  
FUCK OFF JOSH FUCK OFF JOSH FUCK OFF JOSH 

 **rat:** IM LEAVING BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT CAN ACCUSE ME OF WORSHIPING SATAN AGAIN B Y E

 

 **\- rat** left **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **jish:** nO IM SORRY RAY COME BACK I DIDNT MEAN TO WORSHIP SATATN AGAIN 

 **shronk boy:** am i missing something here..??

 **gegard:** yes  
once upon a time we had a very calm and nice group chat but then josh summoned satan into it and the government fucking closed it down and we all got in trouble

 **shronk boy:** wow u guys dont fuck around  
u got in trouble with the ACTUAL government holy shit  
WIAT I JUSR REMEMBEED I HAVE TO TELL U GUYS SOMETHING ADD EVERYONE BACK QUICK QUICK NOW DO IT 

 

 **\- tlyler** added **extra virgin olive oil** to **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **\- tlyler** added **billieboy** to **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **\- tlyler** added **rat** to **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **billieboy:** why cant u guys just leave me alone for like 1day to sort my shit out  
whos dildo dave

 **tray:** i met him in prison he was very nice

 **billieboy:** oh my god im sorry i got u arrested   
jesus fucking christ u should all stay away from me ill get u all killed soemday 

 **brebdob:** friends stick together billie even if we all end up dead or in jail

 **extra virgin olive oil:** that might be the nicest thing u ever said brendon 

 **gegard:** ryAN WHAT DO U NEED TI TELL US 

 **shronk boy:** O RITE  
well i went off to find some normal people to talk to and i found mike and i askedhim why he wasnt talking to us in the chat and he said he was busy and he had to go find shady truck dude for something   
hes gonna get himself killed so i figured id tell u guys 

 **billieboy:** fucking hell no   
why is he complicating thinsg 

 **ballon:** billie just explain one lil thing  
who is shady truck dude and why does he hate u so much 

 **billieboy:** hm yes lets see  
none of ur fucking busieness 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** we know too much about u now  
u cant lie anymore

 **gegard:** mikey that sounds fucking creeepu dont 

 **billieboy:** u dont know shit 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** haHA thats where ur wrong my friendo  
i know eveything   
i just kept it to myself until i could get u all together 

 **france:** plsease enlighten us 

 **billieboy:** mikey no   
please 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** shady truck dude is in a gang  
billie somehow pissed him off  
and thats why he hates him  
and he cant go home bc shady truck dude knows where he lives 

 **tlyler:** is that true or is mikey trying to sound smart

 **billieboy:** honestly mikey u coukdnt be more wrong   
so fuck u ha

 **nike:** holY HELL U GUYS  
IM HIDING FROM SHADY TRUCK DUDE HES SCARIER THAN I THOUGHT HELP ME

 **billieboy:** mIKE U FUCKING USELESS ASSHOLE HES GONNA KILL ME NOW

 **nike:** BILLIE WHAT THE FUCK I WAS TRYING TO HELP

 **billieboy:** WELL CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS U LIMP PENIS   
U PRETTY MUCH JUST SENTENCED ME TO DEATH WITH UR "HELP"  
JUST FUCK OFF OUT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE PLEASE THANK U GOODBYE

 

 **\- billieboy** left **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **jish:** what the actual fuck just happened

 **brebdob:** seE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U GET ALL SATANIC JOSH 

 **jish:** boI WHO THE FUCK U THINK UR DISRESPECTING IN THIS HOUSE

 **brebdob:** WE ARE AT SCHOOL JOSH  
WHAT HOUSE

 **nike:** I FUCKED UP AGAIN AND SHADY TRUCK DUDE WANTS TO KILL ME AND ALL U SHITWANKS CARE ABOUT IS JOSH BEING SATANIC AGAIN

 **tlyler:** this whole chat revolves around josh being satanic 

 **jish:** WHY IS EVERYONE CYBERBULLYING ME

 **tray:** I MISS DILDO DAVE  
THERE WAS NO ARGUMETS NO DRAMA NO HOSTILITY WITH DILDO DAVE  
WHEN HE GETS LET OUT OF JAIL IM WELCOMING HIM INTO THE CHAT

 **france:** trE NO


	59. dont be olive oil, be olive garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tré tries to tell an important story but everyone gets distracted

**ballon:** hey guys  
guys  
ask brendon who played will in pirates of the cabirrean 

 **brebdob:** dallon no this isnt funny anymore

 **ballon:** this will never syop being funny  
someone ask him who plays will on pirates ofthe carbiean

 **brebdob:** dallon shut up

 **ballon:** no  
now ask him who plays will in pirates of the cabriean 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** dallon how did u manage to spell caribbean in 3 different ways and all wrong 

 **ballon:** i dont know hwo to spell carirbrean mikey leave me alone  
but someoen ask him pls i promise its funny

 **brebdob:** it is not funny

 **ballon:** it is

 **jish:** brendon who plays will on pirates of the caribbean 

 **brebdob:** im not answering   
i made a mistake okay  
im only human 

 **ballon:** brendon dont be a shit fit

 **france:** brendon tell usssssss

 **brebdob:** i said florida bloom okay i ficking forgot his name i know it was somewhere in florida leave me alone

 **ballon:** flORIDA BLOOM   
CANNOT BREATHE

 **rat:** oh my god

 **tray:** guys  
while florida bloom is hilarious  
i may or may not know something important and i need some advice

 **nike:** tre no u promised u would never tell them

 **tray:** tell them what

 **france:** ooh what

 **shronk boy:** i am intrigued 

 **nike:** oh lmao  
u were talking about something else  
nvm

 **tlyler:** no i wanna know now wtf mike u cant do that to ur 11 sons

 **gegard:** *10 sons  
billie isnt here 

 **tray:** good  
bc i know something about him  
but like  
idk if i should say u feel me

 **rat:** as the unofficial mom of the group its my job to give u advice  
but unfortuntely for u i fuckin suck at giving advice so sorry buddy ur on ur own on this one

 **tray:** wow ray  
im inspired 

 **ballon:** can we pls just get to the point

 **jish:** no wait i wanna know what mike thought tre was gonna say

 **nike:** haHA no thank u

 **jish:** yes thank u

 **extra virgin olive oil:** am i the only one genuienly concerned about billies safety right now  
tre what do u know and how do u know it

 **tray:** well it all happened this morning about 5am  
i was rlly hungry and also bored so i went out to buy food 

 **gegard:** ooh what did u get

 **tray:** nothing actually i got  a lil distracted  
oH that reminds me im still hungry shit

 **brebdob:** whta kind of fuckwit goes to buy food and then doesnt buy food

 **ballon:** brendon dont insult him  
just bc u end up buying food literally every time u go outside

 **brebdob:** i am a growing boy i need my food 

 **tray:** stop talking about food what the fuck u know im hungry 

 **gegard:** go get food then

 **tray:** maybe i will maybe i wont who knows not me  
update: i do know  
i will go get food  
brb

 **extra virgin olive oil:** trE NO UR SUPPOSED TO BE TELLING THE STORY

 **tray:** MIKEY I CANT TELL A STORY ON AN EMPTY STOMACH

 **france:** hes gotta point u know

 **rat:** frank ur literally not helping at all

 **france:** harsh :/

 **extra virgin olive oil:** shUT UP JESUS FUCK  
tre continue

 **tray:** well i went to the store and i was looking for cereal bc u all know thats what i eat 98.4% of the time

 **tlyler:** i want cereal now  
im going to get cereal  
DINT TELL TEH STPRY UNTIL I GET BACK MY PHOEN IS CHANGING I CANNOT MOVE IT

 **jish:** changing into what  
a new outfit? a new form? the possibilities are enDLESS

 **tlyler:** changing into a dildo so u can shove it up ur ass  
i meant charging u biscuit

 **jish:** biscuit?

 **tray:** biscuit, noun: a small baked unleavened cake, typically crisp, flat, and sweet

 **gegard:** its been so long since tre gave us the definition of an non-insult word thats been used as an insult i almost forgot he does that wow insane

 **jish:** anyway i dont need it to change ill shove it up my ass as it is

 **shronk boy:** josh u cant shove a phone up ur ass sorry i dont make the rules

 **jish:** aw barnacles

 **extra virgin olive oil:** tyler either take ur phone with u or dont get cereal  
either way shut the fuck up and quIT INTERRUPTING THE GOSSIP

 **tray:** rught where was i

 **rat:** trapped in the void 

 **tray:** yea probably   
anyway  
i was boutta grab some cereal when shADY TRUCK DUDE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE WITH BILLIE

 **nike:** U SAW BILLIE???????  
IS HE OKAY  
DID HE SEE U  
DID U SPEAK  
TRE I NEED ANSWERS GIVE ME A N S W E R S

 **tray:** oKAY jesus fucking christ i cant reply in 0.3 seconds like u can  
no hes not okay  
no he didnt see me  
no we didnt speak

 **nike:** how isnt he okay  
and how tf didnt he see u if u were in the same aisel

 **tray:** shady truck dude was drunk and yelling A LOT and kind of dragging billie about and he looked mildly terrified   
and i hid in a freezer mike duh are u an idiot 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** whats the deal with shady truck dude why is he such an asshole

 **tray:** that isnt even the worset part mikey   
but like idk if i can say this   
idk if billie would want me to

 **tlyler:** why tf are u being so vague hARRY UP I WANT MY GODDAMN CEREAL 

 **shronk boy:** "harry up"

 **rat:** harry down

 **brebdob:** harry left

 **extra virgin olive oil:** harry truman 

 **ballon:** no mikey wtf  
its up down left right  
not up down left truman

 **nike:** tre hat happened

 **tray:** yes mike i know hat happened  
it was terrible  
alll those hats just flying around  
the hatpocalypse 

 **tlyler:** tre are u okay

 **shronk boy:** asking tre if hes okay is like asking mikey if hes had sex  
the answer is obviously no

 **extra virgin olive oil:** rYAN   
I FUCKED PETE WENTZ LIKE 5 TIMES IM NOT A VIRGIN

 **gegard:** pleasant  
now pls shut the fuck up

 **rat:** if ur not a virgin then why does ur name say u are

 **extra virgin olive oil:** my name also says olive oil but shock horror i am not olive oil

 **tlyler:** dont be olive oil, be olive garden 

 **jish:** i shed a tear at how inspiring u are tyler

 **rat:** oh my god breadsticks 

 **gegard:** u cant eat breadsticks with olive oil ray ew

 **rat:** if u cared to LISTEN u would know that tyler said be OLIVE GARDEN not OLIVE OIL

 **brebdob:** me on a date: so do u prefer breadsticks with olive oil or olive garden  
date: i dont like breadsticks at all  
me, shoving breadsticks into my purse: more for me then

 **france:** me on a date: where did all the breadsticks go  
date: theyre in my purse  
me, shoving myself into my dates purse: im sorry i have to go

 **extra virgin olive oil:** guys

 **shronk boy:** me on a date: can i borrow ur purse mines full  
date: full with money?  
me, dropping breadsticks everywhere: not exactly

 **extra virgin olive oil:** guys pls

 **gegard:** me, a breadstick: gee i sure hope no one shoves me in their purse  
my date, already being shoved into a purse: we didnt even get to finish the date  
me, shoving myself into the purse: well finish the date in here then 

 **ballon:** gerad that isnt how the meme goes

 **france:** aw hes so swet tho  
he woud literally sacrifice himself for his breadstick lover 

 **gegard:** i would sacrifice myself for u too <3

 **jish:** aw omg  
tyler why arnet u this nice to me

 **tlyler:** bc u suck

 **extra virgin olive oil:** gUYS   
PAY. ATTENTION. TO. TRES. STORY

 **nike:** i agree with the virgin

 **extra virgin olive oil:** UR GONNA BE A VIRGIN IN A MINUTE IF U KEEP BEING MEAN

 **nike:** how  
are u gonna give me my virginity back  
sorry but billie has that

 **tray:** okay im ready to dinish the story now  
so shady truck dude went outside and got in his truck and made billie get in too and they drove off  
so i borrow3d a car and followed them and i foUND BILLIES HOUSE well i think itis idk   
and shady truck dude went inside but billie was gonna walk off up the road somewhre   
but then shady truck dude got rlly mad and started call him faggot and basicaly threatend to kill him if he didnt go inside 

 **nike:** oh my god no  
holy hsit we need to help him   
what if shady truck dude kidnapped him and is holding him hostage

 **tray:** i climbed up the side of the house and found billies room and i was gonna knock on the window but then shady truck dude walked in   
and then some bad shit happened 

 **gegard:** wait what do u mean "bad shit"

 **shronk boy:** and suddenly this chat isnt so funny anymore 

 **tray:** there was some arguing and billie tried to run away but it didnt work out so well and he got the shit beat out of him  
like it was so fucking bad i almost cried   
im gonna have nightmares about it i swear 

 **brebdob:** this is making me so mad i wanna fight shady truck dude  
later were all gonna fight shady truck dude idgaf if i get arrested for the 12987th time i wiLL FIGHT THAT MAN

 **ballon:** im with u   
#stopshadytruckdude2017

 **nike:** do u know who shady truck dude is now or what

 **tray:** yea but  
billie made me promise not to tell u guys anything  
i know i already told u a lot but 

 **france:** wait wat u spoke to billie

 **tray:** yea he kinda saw me   
and then invited me in and told me some stuff  
but then made me promise i wouldnt tell u guys

 **nike:** not eveb me

 **tray:** especially not u   
he doenst think u guys will undestand 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** understand what

 **tray:** seriously i cant say

 **shronk boy:** billies ur friend right  
and u wanna help him right  
well we wanna help too but we cant if u dont tell us what the fuck is going on

 **gegard:** tre u cant keep this a secret forever

 **tray:** i can if billie wants me to 

 **nike:** tre jesus christ just fucking tell us  
or at least tell me  
im his boyfriend i deserve to know

 **tray:** jfc fine ill dm u   
if he kills me its ur fault

 **jish:**  wow unfair we all should know

 **nike:** holy shit tre are u fucking serious

 **tray:** sadly yes

 **tlyler:** whAT WHAT WHAT

 **rat:** mike u gotta tell us

 **tray:** mIKE NO

 **france:** yes yes yes tell us

 **brebdob:** mike  
consider this  
we can all help if u tell us

 **nike:** im gonna tell them

 **tray:** no mike what the hell 

 **nike:** im gonna tell them and then delete the messages and add billie back and pretend we dont know anything  
until we figure out what to do

 **gegard:** ooh nice plan mike nice plan  
it would be even better if i knEW WHAT WAS GOING ON

 **nike:** okay so  
shady truck dude  
is billies step dad  
and hes a fucking alcoholic asshole who abuses him 

 **ballon:** dun dun dun

 **extra virgin olive oil:** dallon no not now


	60. tom cruise how could u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might just be the worst chapter i've ever wrote

**ballon:** ive done some research and i have found out the followung  
brendon has cried at the outsiders top gun risky business and every single mission impossible movie  
all of those movies star tom cruise  
conclusion: brendon doesnt cry at movies he cries at tom cruise

 **brebdob:** dallon  
is that why u were up all night

 **ballon:** yes  
i wrote an 8 page essay and made a powerpoint on it  
would u like to see

 **jish:** who the fuck cries at top gun

 **brebdob:** GOOSE DIED OKAY IT WAS HARD TIME FOR ME

 **extra virgin olive oil:** theres a major flaw in ur logic dallon  
brendon also cried when we watched ghostbusters 

 **brebdob:** ah yes well thats because tom cruise isnt in ghostbusters 

 **ballon:** tHAT JUST PROVES MY THEORY EVEN MORE  
TOM CRUISE IS THE REASON BRENDON CRIES ALL THE TIME

 **shronk boy:** hes crying right now in the middle of class

 **brebdob:** no ryan shut up its tom cruises fault

 **gegard:** tom cruise how could u 

 **rat:** remember the good ol "im not crying im just gay"

 **nike:** billies quote not urs   
ray u stealer :(

 **gegard:** so are we just collectively ignoring what tre told us

 **france:** apparently so

 **tray:** u assholes better not tell him i told u  
hell murder me

 **tlyler:** tre  
consider this  
hell get murdered if we dont do something

 **france:** what exactly are we supposed to do

 **tlyler:** idk 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** is he even in shcool today

 **gegard:** yes hes in my class  
hes acting like nothing happened

 **nike:** hes had practice at that

 **shronk boy:** okay i have a plan

 **rat:**  if it involves someone getting hurt/someone getting arrested/someone dying/someone getting detention/ect it wonr work trust me

 **shronk boy:** okay i do not have a plan

 **tray:** hes asking me to add him back   
what do i do help

 **brebdob:** i vote we add him back  
but delete the other messages

 **ballon:** aw but then he ownt be able to see my theory about tom cruise making brendon cry

 **brebdob:** good

 **tray:** okay ill add him back everyone act normal nothing happened u guys know notHING got it

 

 **\- tray** added **billieboy to DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **ballon:** BILLIE I FIGURED OUT WHY BRENDON CRIES AT SO MANY MOVIES  
ITS BECAUSE OF TOM CRUISE

 **billieboy:** ah i suspected as much  
anyway i asked tre to add me back bc i have a complaint 

 **nike:** and what is this complaint 

 **billieboy:** frANK IF U DONT CONTROL UR FUCKING BOYFRIEND IM GOING TO LOCK HIM IN A FREEZER 

 **france:** o H  
oh dear  
what did he do 

 **gegard:** fuck off it was funny

 **billieboy:** i lauGHE D SO haRD i fuccKING driBBLEd on mYSSElf   
IT WSNT FUNNY

 **jish:** but billie  
if it wasnt funny why were u laughing 

 **brebdob:** *mii channel music plays*

 **shronk boy:** why the fuck is mii channel music playing 

 **brebdob:** whoops my bad  
i meant *x-files theme plays*

 **extra virgin olive oil:** yes because those are very similar arent they brendon

 **brebdob:** bite me bitch 

 **france:** heLLO  
what did gerard do 

 **billieboy:** he leaned right across like three desks while i was writing my name and tapped me on the shoulder and made it seem like he had something real important to tell me and he went close to my ear to whisper something and i thought it would be something relevant or interesting   
but no  
he fucking whispered "i just read ur name as bongjong"

 **ballon:** im crying 

 **tlyler:** BONGJONG OH MY GOD

 

 **\- tray**  changed **billieboy's**  nickname to **bongjong**

 

 **bongjong:** NO

 **gegard:** bongjong legstrong

 **nike:** this is like a repeat of blowjob gaystrong 

 **ballon:** billie joe armstrong dont u mean boobjob armrest

 **bongjong:** well i got kicked out and so did gerard so wwere chilin on the roof

 **tray:** i just got kicked out too  
since when is expressing myself through art against school rules

 **extra virgin olive oil:** but u didnt "express urself through art" did u tre  
no  
u drew marijuana leaves all over ur book and tried to tell the teacher it was the canadian flag   
and then u called her a racist slug when she told u ur not canadian 

 **jish:** i have also been removed from my class

 **tlyler:** "lets rename the mariana trench the marijuana trench and all get high in the ocean and touch the fish" - josh dun 2017 shortly before he got kciked out of class

 **extra virgin olive oil:** why are u all potheads 

 **gegard:** mikey dont act like u never got high before

 **france:** mr turner just lets me leave class now so hi hello ill meet u gays on the roof

 **rat:** why do u guys alway meet up on the roof   
dont u guys remember what happened to tre

 **bongjong:** yes it was tragic but the roof is the one place we dont egt caight so 

 **tlyler:** thats not actually true but sure

 **nike:** but who will catch us when we fall

 **rat:** mika that sounds like an overplayed basic pop song pls stop

 **nike:** did u just fuckng call me mika   
what the fuck ray  
i let u into my HOUSE i give u my FOOD and u repay me by calling me mika

 

 **\- gegard**  changed **nike's**  nickname to **mika**

 

 **gegard:** sorry mika u know it had to be done

 **bongjong:** has the roof got higher  
i feel like the roof got higher

 **tray:** i dont feel safe without our beloved principal waiting down below 

 **france:** now would be a good time to announce i have fireworks in my bag

 **extra virgin olive oil:** hOW  
WHERE

 **jish:** he just said in his bag mikey smh learn to read

 **extra virgin olive oil:** i meant where did he get them from 

 **shronk boy:** seT THEM OFF FRANK   
FIRE ONE AT TYWIN I DARE U

 **extra virgin olive oil:** YES OMG RAN FINALLY A GOOD IDEA

 **brebdob:** 'ran'

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **shronk boy's**  nickname to **ran**

 

 **ran:** thnx

 **bongjong:** now we have rat and ran 

 **rat:** i dont wanna be rat 

 

 **\- mika**  changed **rat's**  nickname to **mouse**

 

 **mouse:** wow thanks mike amazing

 **tray:** im lighting franks fireworks btw  
hA FUCK no im not i just burned my hand

 **france:** trE NO THE FIREWORK IS FALLING OFF THE ROOF

 **tray:** its okay i lit it as it fell

 **jish:** there is now a wild firework flying around hitting everyone   
trE NO DONT LIGHT THE REST OF THEM WHAT THE FUCK

 **tray:** HA HA OOPS TOO LATE   
WOW LOOK AT THEM FLY

 **france:** my freiworks :( tre u shit

 **ran:** did one of them at leats hit tywin

 **bongjong:** no ryan im sorry :/

 **gegard:** im out  
bye  
tywins coming for our asses

 **tray:** i mean he can have my ass if he wants  
hes no principal but hes relatively handsome i guess

 **extra virgin olive oil:** tre hes like 70 what the fuck

 **tray:** sugar daddy material 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** tRE

 **mouse:** tre u disturb me more and more each day

 **tray:** thank u ray that is my goal

 **brebdob:** hoLY SHIT U GUYS GUESS WHAT I JUST OVERHEARD  
U KNOW HOW THE NEW PRINCIPAL IS ONLU TEMPORARY  
WELL WERE ALL FUCKED NOW OH MY GOD

 **ballon:** wh what 

 **brebdob:** TYWIN IS GONNA BE THE NEW PRINCIPAL   
FUCKING TYWIN   
TYWIN THE OLD GRUMPY BASTARD

 **jish:** hes only old and grumpy bc we made him old and grumpy

 **gegard:** yes josh we made him old didnt we  
we aged him up 

 **tray:** thank u for aging him up to my preffered age

 **extra virgin olive oil:** TRE ST O P

 **tray:** ur just jealous ur still a virgin 

 **extra virgin olive oil:** I AM NOY   
ASK PETE   
WE FUCKED LOADS OF TIMES  
CHANGE MY NICKNAME

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **extra virgin olive oil's**  nickname to **extra NOT virgin olive oil**

 

 **extra NOT virgin olive oil:** tyler fuck u   
u guys are all assholes 

 **france:** poor milky   
ur just jealous u dont have a boyfriend/girldfriend/companion of ur preferred gender

 **gegard:** ooh i like that  
"companion of ur preferred gender"

 **ballon:** i just laugehd so hard at frank calling mikey milky

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **extra NOT virgin olive oil's**  nickname to **milky**

 

 **milky:** no but for real i have a question regarding relationships   
becayse me and pete are literally just fuck buddies at the momet

 **gegard:** okay jesus shut up thats gross

 **milky:** how did all u gays actually get into relationships

 **brebdob:** alcohol was involved

 **france:** no alcohol was involved

 **tlyler:** weed was involved

 **milky:** taking notes rn  
mike what about u abd billie

 **mika:** we literally started off as fuck buddies   
and then one day billie was like "yo do u wanna be something more than just fuck buddies" and i was like "yea sure"

 **bongjong:** first he snatched my weave  
then he snatched my heart


	61. who lives in a pineapple under the pineapple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what made me think this was a good idea I'm so sorry

**jish:** are u ready kids

 **tlyler:** aye aye captain

 **jish:** i cant hear u

 **tlyler:** aYE AYE CAPTAIN

 **jish:** oooooooooooooooooooooh  
who lives in a pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the 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pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple under the pineapple 

 **mouse:** literally what the fuck is wrong with u guys


	62. those darn potato children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha here's the actual chapter

**ballon:** #stopbrendonurie2017

 **ran:** i agree  
#stopbrendonurie2017

 **mouse:** about time someone took this seriously #stopbrendonurie2017

 **brebdob:** hey now   
fuck u

 **bongjong:** i believe the correct lyrics are "hey now ur an all star"  
but anyway what happened 

 **mouse:** brendon happened

 **milky:** *pretends to be shocked that brendon is causing mayhem again*

 **jish:** elighten me  
whats satan doing 

 **brebdob:** hey i take offence at that

 **ran:** making up new names for thinsg and just generally being an ass u know classic bendon

 **gegard:** go on

 **ballon:** basically  
tater tots - potato children  
slim jims - slender james  
papa johns - father jonathans  
sloppy joes - untidy josephs

 **tray:** darn those potato children

 **mouse:** it doesnt sound funny like that but when he leans over and whispers "father jonathan" in ur ear while ur trying to write something down its a bit hard not to laugh

 **mika:** HA GERARD JUST INHALED HIS ENTIRE PEN 

 **gegard:** fuck u i could of DIED

 **mika:** i know lmao

 **france:** mike what the fuck

 **tlyler:** im writing a formal complaint to the principal 

 **tray:** leave him alone  
wiat no nvm  
its not the same principal idgaf

 **tlyler:** i have been SUSPENDED   
because i said we should change jesus name to jizzus  
u know  
like jizz us

 **mouse:** honestly tyler what the hell

 **tlyler:** its a difficult time im turbing into a man leave me alone

 **bongjong:** gerard keeps repeating potatio children i hope ur happen brendon

 **brebdob:** whats a potatio

 **france:** when u cant decide whether to have potato or pistachio 

 **jish:** no no no  
its the ratio of pot to ato

 **ballon:** i didnt know theres pot in atos

 **milky:** okay but what is an ato

 **bongjong:** its where u put the pot mikey gosh darn dont u know nothing

 **tlyler:** i dint know there was pot in potatos

 **jish:** potpotatoatoatoatoatoato

 **ran:** yes josh correct

 **gegard:** anyway  
someone explain to me how i managed to get banned from every single club this year

 **brebdob:** u threw an entire desk at someone in chess club  
u kicked three people in math club  
u choked on a haribo in latin club and threw up twice

 **gegard:** i didnt want an actual explanation but okay

 **france:** u asked fro an explanastion tho???????????

 **bongjong:** oh yea that reminds me   
i have some news  
u guys are assholes btw

 **ran:** oh  
okay

 **mika:** abORT

 **gegard:** MIKE NO DONT JUST RUN OUT OF CLASS AWAY WHAT THE FUCK

 **mika:** TOO LATE

 **milky:** what did we do tf

 **bongjong:** i might be getting held back a year bc of how many classes im failing/how many times ive missed school/just generally how much trouble ive causes  
i blame the chat so that means i also blame u guys

 **tray:** oh damn i thoight u meant the other thing lmao i was scared for a second 

 **bongjong:** wait what other thing

 **tray:** what

 **bongjong:** u just said "i thought u meant the other thing"  
so what other thing

 **tray:** there is no other thing

 **bongjong:** u just said theere was

 **tray:** no 

 **tlyler:** dear goat this is a mess  
A Mess™

 **ballon:** goat  
tyler  
no

 **tlyler:** would u prefer jizzus

 **mouse:** tYLER SHIT

 **bongjong:** HELLO  
WHAT OTHER THING

 **ballon:** me and brendon are having martial struggles its a very rough time we would aprecaiete if u left us alone ty :)

 **brebdob:** ah yes the martial struggles  
dallon cant do karate

 **ballon:** yes i can take it back

 **brebdob:** no u cant take it back

 **ballon:** brendon honey that doesnt make sense

 **brebdob:** neitehr does life

 **tray:** and im having a hard time bc the principal is gone and i have no one to lust after anymore 

 **bongjong:** yes but what does this have to do w/ me 

 **jish:** we nominated u for new principal

 **milky:** we wish u luck in ur new life but we can no longer be friends goodbye

 

 **\- milky** removed **bongjong** from **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **mika:** oh my god that couldnt have gone worse if we planned it

 **ran:** its okay i think he bought it  
add him back to make sure

 

 **\- ran** added **bongjong** to **DILDO DAVE: THE REAL MVP**

 

 **ran:** how is ur new life as principal of the united states of america

 **bongjong:** what  
pls someone  
what the fuck

 **france:** its hard to adjust we know shh its okay

 **bongjong:** seriouslY  
fuckinhg tell me whats going on rught fucking now or ill punch each of u 10 times

 **gegard:** why 10

 **bongjong:** bc thats how old ur all acting

 **tray:** hey  
i like to think im at least 11 

 **bongjong:** W H A T T H E F U C K I S G O I N G O N

 **jish:** nothing

 **mika:** nothing

 **gegard:** nothing

 **france:** nothing

 **milky:** nothing

 **ran:** nothing 

 **mouse:** nothing

 **brebdob:** nothing

 **tlyler:** nothing

 **tray:** nothing

 **ballon:** nothing

 **bongjong:** whY THE FUCK DID EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U SEND THAT AT E X A C T L Y THE SAME TIME   
DO U KNOW HOW WEIRD AND SHADY THAT IS

 **mouse:** is it as shady as... shady truck dude

 **ran:** ray no be quiet shut up shh

 **brebdob:** ryan its over  
The Great Secret™ is over

 **milky:** it lasted longr than i though good job boys but now we all have to face the wrath of the goblin king

 **bongjong:** i-  
i am not a fucking goblin mikey

 **mika:** mikey u got it wrong  
its gremlin not goblin

 **milky:** well now its goblin  
little goblin man

 

 **\- tlyler** renamed the group **the legend of little goblin man**

 

 **bongjong:** can someone just tell me whats heppening pls im not in the mood for this shit today

 **ran:** hm  
and whys that

 **bongjong:** hm lets see  
i think it might be the weather  
NO U FUCKING BREADCRUMB I MIGHT BE GETTING HELD BACK TF DO U THINK 

 **brebdob:** bilie   
why are u being an ass  
what did we do

 **bongjong:** nothing  
just  
stop fucking asking me shit  
im fine

 **tlyler:**...no one asked if u were fine 

 **bongjong:** well thats just incredibly fucking rude

 

 **\- bongjong** left **the legend of little goblin man**

 

 **mika:** okay so   
that was weird as fuck

 **mouse:** yea jfc  
is he okay

 **tray:** he went from chill to RAGE in 2 minutes   
no hes not okay ray 

 **milky:** i vote we all come clean and just tell him we know  
who  knows maybe he wont murder ALL of us

 **tray:** nope no nuh uh no way  
he will definitely murder all of us  
ill be first bc i promised not to tell anyobe and surprise everyone knows

 **mika:** tre what did he expect u to do  
just keep it a secret and never tell us even tho it would probably end badly for both of u

 **ballon:** okay listen up  
i have a plan

 **jish:** here we fucking go

 **ballon:** oi

 **jish:** shut up ur not british

 **ballon:** maybe i am maybe im not  
who knows not me  
anyway  
tre takes us (not mike) to billies house   
mike takes billie to his house to keep him out the way  
we all kidnap shady truck dude and put him in a van (not picky about where we get it from)  
we drive somewhere and throw him out of the truck and we make sure he doesnt come back

 **mika:** nice plan kinda detailed i give it a 7/10  
but  
i dont think any of us wants to go to prison for murder

 **mouse:** who said anthing about murder

 **mika:** "we make sure he doesnt come back" idk about u ray but that sure sounds like murder to me  
and im like 99.9% sure that murder is illegal

 **ballon:** jesus christ mike i didnt mean murder him  
i meant like  
beat him up and threaten him

 **mika:** o

 **jish:** its a good plan actually  
i vote we do it

 **tlyler:** we march at midnight

 **tray:** this is... scarier than i thought  
he could kill us  
i mean  
he has a gun collection

 **brebdob:** wait what

 **ran:** yea um what

 **tray:** oh  
yeah  
he has a gun collection  
i saw it

 **gegard:** and u didnt mention that before because??

 **tray:** idk i just didnt think it was important

 **france:** u didnt think it was important to mention a colection of deadly weapons owned by a psychotic man we are planning to kidnap and threaten 

 **tray:** no

 **mouse:** anything else u didnt think it was important to mention that could actually get us all killed

 **tray:** well theres some swords on the wall  
and ninja stars  
and im prtety sure i saw a flamethrower   
and even a bear trap

 **milky:** dear lord were all gonna die

 **tray:** ha just kidding theres no sword or flamethrower or ninja stars  
but there is a bear trap i saw it

 **tlyler:** well its a good thing were not bears 


	63. THE WAR ON STD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm waiting for 7x2 of game of thrones to become available on nowtv so i figured i'd bless u all with another update

**mika:** houston we have a fucking problem

 **milky:** i was waiting for this  
lemme guess  
a. someone got hurt  
b. someone got arrested  
c. someone is being held hostage by shady truck dude  
d. all of the above

 **ballon:** its actually option e. none of the above  
everythings fine why are u all panicking so much

 **gegard:** were panicking bc u made the plan  
tell me dallon  when do ur plans ever work out

 **ballon:** never  
but thats okay  
dont stop believing 

 **tray:** hold on to that feeeelinnnnng  
streetlight people wooOHOHoHhhH

 **france:** dont stop believin  
hold ooNnNnNNNNNnnn

 **mika:** can we not  
and actually dallon everything is not fine  
our plan of action was for me to get billie to my house  
that doesnt quite work wheN BILLIE HAS COMPLETELY FUCKING VANISHED

 **tlyler:** tf u mean hes vanished   
a person cannot vanish michael

 **mika:** i mean tyler  
hes g o n e  
hes not anywhere and he wont asnwer his phone ive been tring for h o u r s

 **jish:** where did u last have him

 **brebdob:** retrace ur footsteps and u might find him

 **ran:** did u try turning it off and on again

 **mouse:** ryan.. no

 **france:** someone pls explain why gerard literally just turned his phone off and on

 **milky:** bc he follows orders unlike u delinquents 

 **tray:** mikey dont act like ur better than us u shit

 **mika:** and once again something serious is happening and no one cars hahaha funny

 **gegard:** i dont know why i turned my phone off and on im sorry 

 **tray:** ill check billies house if u want

 **mouse:** dont step in the bear trap

 **tlyler:** its okay ray hes not a bear it cant hurt him

 **ran:** tyler im not sure u understand the concept of bear traps

 **tlyler:** im not sure u understand the concept of keeping ur mouth shut

 **brebdob:** im not sure u understand the concept of not being rude to literally everyone

 **jish:** im not sure u understand the concept of being nice to tyler

 **ballon:** im not sure u understand the concept of not attackng brendon for being slightly mean. like not even that mean. on a mean scale its like 2/10.

 **mika:** im not sure u understad the concept of payING ATTENTON TO THE FACT THAT BILLIE IS M I S S I N G AND ALL U BUTTWANKS ARE DOING IS ARGUING LIKE THE DUMB 6 YEAR OLDS U ARE AND WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON THE PLAN OR AT LEAST MAKING A NEW PLAN TO ACTUALLU GO AND FIND MISSING BILLIE BUT NOOO U GUYS ARE ALL ASSHOLES WHEN IT COMES TO TAKING THINGS SERIOUSLY I SWEAR TO GOD I MIGHT AS WEL DEAL WITH THE ENTIRE CHATS PROBLEMS BY MYSELF AT LEAST THEN WE MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE SOME PROGRESS AND ACTUALLY GET SOMEWHERE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 10 MILLENNIA OKAY THATS IT FROM NOW ON IM IN CHARGE I DECIDE WHO DOES WHAT AND WHO GOES WHERE AND MAYBE JUST M A Y B E WE MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ALOVE AND WE GET BILLIE BACK  
holy shit i went a little off the rails there 

 **tray:** that was exhilerating 

 **brebdob:** whoa watch out for battle commander mike dirnt

 

 **\- france**  changed **mika's**  nickname to **battle commander mike dirnt**

 

 **gegard:** i just saw a rlly nice picture of a cat and i teared up a little  
but yes mike i totally agree lets stay on track

 **mouse:** okay so what do we do now

 **tray:** im going to billies house to see if hes there

 **france:** can i come too

 **tray:** no

 **france:** too bad im already at ur house waiting

 **mouse:** tre how are u gonna check and not get spotted by shady truck dude

 **tray:** well idk i havent thought that far  
maybe ill just sneak in through the window

 **milky:** or u could knock on the door like a normal person and just hope its billie who answers

 **ballon:** yea but mikey what if billie doesnt answer the door  
what if STD answers and takes tre and frank captive and everuthing goes to shit what do we do then huh mikey see look what u caused by being "normal" look what u done did

 **france:** STD  
might wanna think that through a little more carefully 

 **ballon:**???  
STD - shady truck dude

 **brebdob:** dallon homey no  
*honey omg

 **mouse:** petition to make homey a valid term of endearment 

 **milky:** signed

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** okay so tre and frank go to billies house  
if he isnt there what do we do

 **france:** jfc mike well burn that bridge when we get to it

 **gegard:** ooh can i come too  
i feel like u should have backup ya feel me  
like tre and frank check the back and me and a volunteer covers the front

 **milky:** i volunteer 

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** it rlly doesnt have to be this complicated u guys

 **ran:** yes it does mike we must take this very seriously

 **tray:** k well were settig off now ig well meet u guys somehwere 

 **brebdob:** if we dont find billie i vote we still beat the shit out of STD

 **tlyler:** ;ets stop callig him that pls

 

 **\- france** renamed the group **THE WAR ON STD**

 

 **gegard:** that sounds like a short fulm they show in schools to prevent unprotected sex

 **mouse:** ill go look around the streets for our small goblin friend

 **ran:** are we still calling him that  
also count me in i wanna feel useful 

 **tray:** me and the squad are closing in on billies house  
gerard mikey take the font  
frank come w/ me

 **france:** u dont have to message the entire chat we are literally right here next to u

 **brebdob:** keep us lazy fucks who are still at home updated on the action

 **milky:** k well the house looks empty thats unnerving   
im going in the window

 **mouse:** miKEY NO WTF THATS ILLEGAL

 **milky:** so is child abuse ray  
someone has to do something

 **mouse:** yea and im sure breaking into the house is going to stop STD from being an ass

 **milky:** its not breaking in if the windows left open

 **jish:** holy shit i just got chills  
hes so inspirational gerard whered u get him from

 **gegard:** i got him in a half price sale 

 **france:** i can see the bear trap from here its so Sharp™ and Pointy™

 **jish:** reminder: dont step in it

 **tray:** what kind of fuccking idiot would step in a bear trap when its so easy to see 

 **france:** oh mY FUCING GOD TRE JUST WALKED RIGHT IBTO THE BEAR TRAP BC HE WASNT LOOKING WHERE HE WAS GOING BC HE WAS TOO BUSY TEXTING THAT HE WOULDNT GET TRAPPED IN A BEAR TRAP IM FREAKING OUT THERES SO MUCH BLOOD

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** TRE JESUS CHRST 

 **tlyler:** the bear trap trapped him that only means one thing  
tre cool is a bear confirmed 

 **france:** IM FREAKING OUT OH MAN THERES SO MUCH BLOOD  
I CAN SEE HIS BONE 

 **tray:** MYT HABDNS AR SHAAKNIG S O BADD I CAM BAERLY TUPE BUFT ayYY LMAO THGAT WA S SICK

 **france:** okay hes currently singing deepthroat by cupcakke to get trhough the pain i think hell be fine

 **gegard:** HA OMG I TOLD MIKEY ABOUT THE TRAP AND HE FREAKED OUT SO BAD THAT HE FELL OUT IN THE WINDOW AND SCREAMED SO LOUD THEN HE REALISED ITS ONLY LIKE A FOOT DROP

 **milky:** jesus christ im sorry i panicked about tre literally getting caught in a bear trap  
but i dont think billies here   
with all the screaming and singing he would have come outsude by now right

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** Fuck™

 **ballon:** u know u been in this chat too long when tre gets caught in a bear trap and ur just like "lol classic tre"

 **brebdob:** maybe everyone should just go home and try again tomorrow

 **ran:** U GUYS GUESS WHAT  
WE FOUND BILLIE  
HES RIGHT HERE W/ ME AND RAY

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK

 **mouse:** hE SAID HE WEMT OUT TO GET AN ENERGY DRINK BUT HE COULDNT FIND A STORE THAT SOLD THE FLAVOR HE LIKES SO HE BASICALLY JUST WENT ALL AROUND TOWN AND HE LEFT HS PHONE BEHIND

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** THAT LIL SHIT IM GONNA KILL HIM

 **france:** how do we explain tre getting caught in a bear trap w/out giving away The Great Secret™

 **tlyler:** just tell him tre got hit by a car idfk

 **mouse:** oops lmao i kind of already said he got stuck in a bear trap

 **milky:** waw nice one ray   
did u also tell him we broke into his house

 **mouse:** no do u want me to

 **milky:** nO WTF

 **mouse:** then drop the attitude 

 **milky:** :O

 **gegard:** im going home  
this is enough excitemnt for an entire year

 **ran:** tag urself in todays iconic events  
im tre getting caught in a bear trap and singing deepthroat by cupcakke to get through the pain

 **gegard:** im billie creating a panic bc he went on an adventure to find the good energy drink flavor 

 **ballon:** im the despair and disappointment at failing again

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** oH OKAY


	64. burendons a straghetti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and so is Billie

**mouse:** now tres out of the hospital can we finally work on a decent plan pls  
the longer std lives the longer my hatrred for him grows

 **milky:** that doesnt make sense also murder is illegal

 **brebdob:** DALLON DROPPED HIS PHONE IN THE TOILET AND CRIED   
wait murder is illegal??

 **ballon:** jokes on u brendon i cry all the time anyway

 **brebdob:** bc ur a pussy

 **ballon:** that makes u a pussyfucker

 **ran:** that makes brendon... stRAIGHT?

 **gegard:** BRENDONS STRAIGHT BRENDONS STRAIGHT BRENDONS STRAIGHT

 **brebdob:** nO IM NOT TAKE IT BACK

 **gegard:** brendon son we need to talk

 **jish:** burrendon   
u know what happens to straghetti people right  
they go to h*ll

 **brebdob:** ive been called many things joshua  
but never burrendon  
what the fuck

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** also what the fuck is a 'straghetti'

 **tlyler:** its what we call the straights 

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** o

 

 **\- tray** renamed the group **burrendons a straghetti**

 

 **\- tray**  changed **brebdob's**  nickname to **burrendon**

 

 **france:** good ol tre  
hes back

 **gegard:** billie says he has a funny story can iadd him bacl

 **jish:** nO   
IF U WANT TO MAKE PEACE WITH TEH TRAITOR DO IT SOMEWHERE ELSE

 

 **\- jish** removed **gegard** from **burrendons a straghetti**

 

 **tlyler** traitor?  
what did he do 

 **jish:** he burned my crops and killed my cows

 **tlyler:** jeez what a bitch

 **milky:** why are u 2 so fucking weird  
im adding him

 **battle commander mike dirnt:** leT ME DELETE ALL THE MESSAGES MIKEY JESUS 

 **tray:** wait one more thing  
no 2 more things  
1\. these pain meds are some Good Shit™  
2\. what excatly are we gonna do about std

 **mouse:** murder him

 **milky:** das illegal

 **mouse:** oop

 **france:** why are u talking about std its giving mik mroe stuff to delete

 

 **\- tray**  changed **battle commander mike dirnt's**  nickname to **mik**

 

 **jish:** plan: tell the cops std is a fuckhead

 **ballon:** problem; the cops are useless and dont care

 **burrendon:** plan: dont tell the cops and just fuck him up

 **mouse:** plan: kiLL HIM

 **milky:** RAY THAT IS ILLEGAL

 **mik:** u guYS ARE NOT MAKING THIS EASY FOR ME

 **france:** but what are we gonna do  
ur our battle commander its up to u to tell us what to do

 **mik:** im retired im not a battle commander  
now shut up

 

 **\- mik** added **gegard** to **burrendons a straghetti**

 

 **\- mik** added **bongjong** to **burrendons a straghetti**

 

 **gegard:** fuck u josh

 **jish:** fuck billie

 **bongjong:** fuck off  
wait is this about the crops and the cows  
im sorry

 **milky:** wait what  
that was a legit story? 

 **bongjong:** im not proud of what i did  
those cows deserved better  
but my own crops were failing and i needed to make a blood sacrifice

 **ran:** okay im a little confused and a little scared

 **france:** arent we all

 **burrendon:** its called growing up 

 **jish:** growing up is not a valid excuse for kiLLING MY PRIZE COW

 **tlyler:** jeez what a bitch

 **mik:** tyler shut up

 **tray:** BILLIE UR BACK 

 **bongjong:** TRE UR ALIVE  
is the bear trap okay  
wait how did u even step in a bear trap

 **ran:** haha fuck we didnt think this through

 **bongjong:**??

 **tray:** well it all started i was 7 right  
i always wanted to go to england

 **france:** oh yeah the england story right ha i forgot that

 **bongjong:** what does england have to do with a bear trap i

 **tlyler:** bear traps are made in england dont u know

 **gegard:** yeah so there was this english breast trap right

 **mik:** breast trap what

 **ran:** whoa i just had a stroke of genius  
breast trap = booby trap = THE BEAR TRAP WAS A BOOBY TRAP

 **mouse:** what an interesting and completely useless bit of information thanks ryan

 **burrendon:** WAIT  
WHAT IF U KNOW WHO BOOTY TRAPPED HIS HOUSE BC HE KNEW WE WOULD GO THERE???????????????????????

 **mik:** brenDON SHUT UP

 **gegard:** ha booty trap

 **bongjong:** who  
whos u know who

 **mouse:** voldemort 

 **bongjong:** okay i forgot how fucking weird this chat is  
anyway tre answer me  
how did u step in a bear trap

 **ballon:** its kind of a long story billie get comfortable 

 **bongjong:** okay let me just get onto a comfier branch

 **mik:** branch?? like a tree brancH?

 **bongjong:** yes

 **mik:** but.. why are u in a tree

 **bongjong:** im high and scared and hiding

 **ballon:** ah the usual

 **tray:** so there was an english bear trap

 **bongjong:** in england?

 **tray:** yes there was a bear trap

 **bongjong:** but was it in england

 **tray:** no it was in nebraska

 **bongjong:** why were u in nebraska

 **burrendon:** i wanted to visit the friends i made when i ran away there

 **bongjong:** oh  
so there was  a bear trap?

 **tray:** yea in nebraska

 **bongjong:** an english bear trap in nebraska?

 **tray:** yea there was a english bear trap in nebraska

 **mouse:** wow im sure glad we cleared that up

 **tray:** so there was an eglish bear trap in nebraska  
it was keeping the bears away i think

 **bongjong:** i didnt know there are bears in nebraska

 **tray:** there isnt

 **bongjong:** so why was there a bear trap

 **tray:** it was a booby trap

 **milky:** is anyone else completely lost rn  
i mean  
i think nebraska has bears??

 **mik:** this is the worst story u ever told anyone ever tre this is so bad 

 **tray:** im not finished????

 **tlyler:** well i for one wanna know what billies funny story is

 **bongjong:** in a minute tyler in a minute  
i need to know about the bears in nebraska

 **tray:** there are no bears in nebraska

 **bongjong:** so why was there a bear trap in nebraska

 **tray:** yes it was in nebraska 

 **gegard:** watching tre and billie have a conversation while theyre both high as shit will forver be my favorite thing

 **france:** YES THERE ARE BEARS IN NEBRASKA AND YES THERE WAS A BEAR TRAP IN NEBRASKA   
continue

 **tray:** so i was in nebraska and there was a bear trap

 **bongjong:** why were u in nebraska

 **ballon:** oh my god i want to shoot someone right now  
tre how about u tell billie the nebraska bear trap story when u see him and also when none of us are there to suffer though it

 **mik:** good idea  
now   
billie  
whats ur stry  
and why are u in a tree

 **bongjong:** am high and scared   
and hiding from the straunge old lady

 **milky:** yea uh were gonna need details abt that

 **bongjong:** i think a gypsy cursed me?  
im not sure the details are a little mixed up

 **gegard:** why would a gypsy curse u

 **jish:** why would a gypsy curse anyone  
why is the sky blue  
why did billie kill my prize cow

 **mouse:** josh wher did u get a cow from anywa

 **jish:** the farm

 **france:** ooh the farm  
farm boys

 **ran:** remember when i was a farm boy  
now im just ran

 **bongjong:** i think she was upset about me hiding in her tree

 **tlyler:** so u hid in her tree before she cursed u?

 **bongjong:** yeah im hiding in a tree  
a gypsy cursed me

 **france:** i dont think were gonna get answers from him today  
maybe tomorrow  
what im saying is plEASE STOP THIS MADNESS 

 **bongjong:** anyway tre u didnt tell me why u were in nebraska

 **france:** oH MY GOD IM OUT NO GOODBYE  
WAKE ME UP WHEN NO ONES TALKING ABOUT NEBRAKSA OR BEAR TRAPS

 **tray:** when was i in nebraska

 **bongjong:** idk u said u were in nebraska

 **tray:** yes i was in nebraska

 **bongjong:** why were u in nebraska

 **tray:** there was a bear trap

 **bongjong:** in nebraska?

 **tray:** yea there was an english bear trap

 **bongjong:** an english bear trap?

 **tray:** yea a bear trap

 **bongjong:** where was it

 **tray:** in nebraska

 **tray:** yea there was a bear trap in nebraska

 **bongjong:** an english bear trap?

 **tray:** yea it was english

 **bongjong:** but it was in nebraska?

 **tray:** yea it was in nebraska

 **ballon:** is this how serial killers are made  
i think this is how serial killers are made


	65. the unholy fucks outlaw biker gang

**\- bongjong** left **burrendons a straghetti**

 

 **mik:** why he leave again

 **tray:** listen up fuckers  
and by fuckers i mainly mean mike but this kind of concerns the rest of u too so yea fuckers means all of u   
@ mike: billies gonna break up w/ u bc std is forcing him to bc he found out about u and him doing the do   
@ everyone else: std is also making billie stop talking to us

 **mik:** tre were in a committed relationship we dont just do the do  
i mean we do do the do a LOT but still  
wait wtf 

 **ballon:** ha  
do do the do

 **gegard:** what the fuck is wrong with u unholy fucks  
its half 3 in the morNING i was asLEEP

 **milky:** gerard u were literally watching porn 2 seconds ago

 **gegard:** no i wasnt shut up

 **burrendon:** is fraction cool with u watching porn  
*frank  
its half 3 im tired dont judge me

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **france's**  nickname to **fraction**

 

 **fraction:** the sound of my nickname being changed summoned me what are u unholy fucks doing at such an ungodly hour

 **mouse:** gerard and frank both called us unholy fucks #relationshipgoals

 **gegard:** yea fransk cool w/ me watching porn

 **milky:** wait frank ur phone makes a different sound when someone changes ur nickname

 **fraction:** yes

 **ballon:** how

 **fraction:** science 

 **tray:** guys  
something serious is happening rn   
if u could all direct ur attention @ me that would be gr8

 **ran:** why is everyone up at half 3   
also i just blinded myself with my phone light lets start a trend on twitter #prayforrayn

 **jish:** ryan are u aware u misspelled ur own name

 **ran:** no i didnt???  
wait yes i did????  
fuck???

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **ran's**  nickname to **rayn**

 

 **fraction:** yes lets pray for rain  
its been such a long drought   
my crops are failing my children are starving and grandchildren are dying like flies   
my wife is too weak to move from her bedchamber   
why does the almighty lord see fit to punish us so

 **milky:** gerad why is ur boyfriend so fucking weird

 **gegard:** lack of sleep + 17 energy drinks + he hit his head on the ceiling earlier

 **ballon:** how did frank hit his head on the ceiling when hes literallythe shortest person here

 **fraction:** i was standing on 20 mattresses duh dallon 

 **mouse:** but why

 **fraction:** science 

 **tray:** although i am very happy ur all in good spirits tonoght  
we haVE A VERY REAL AND VERY SERIOSU PROBLEM THAT COULD END UP W/ BILLIE GETTING MURDERED 

 **rayn:** wait what

 **mik:** while u were all having a nice midnight conversation tre told me std found out about me and billie and is forcing him to break up with me  
so maybe thats something u guys can help sort out??????

 **burrendon:** its not midnight its actually like 3:45 now so 

 **mik:** brendon i dont give a diddly damn what time it is 

 **burrendon:** :o

 **milky:** im up and dressed already lets go kill std

 **rayn:** i second that

 **mouse:** i third that

 **tlyler:** why are u unholy fucks so quick to murder 

 **mouse:** thats the 3rd time weve been called unholy fucks in 15 minutes

 **jish:** lets make it Official™

 

 **\- jish** renamed the group **the unholy fucks**

 

 **ballon:** lets make it Scary™

 

 **\- ballon** renamed the group **the unholy fucks biker gang**

 

 **tlyler:** lets make it Terrifying™

 

 **\- tlyler** renamed the group **the unholy fucks outlaw biker gang**

 

 **tray:** snazzy  
anyway  
down to business

 **rayn:** pls dont say snazzy tre

 **tray:** s n a z z y

 **rayn:** ur tearing this family apart

 **mik:** if none of u unholy fucks will listen then maybe ill go take out std by myself 

 **gegard:** no mike it sthe unholy fucks outlaw biker gang   
at least get it right jesus christ

 **jish:** okay i actyally wanna know whats going on now so shut up u asshats 

 **tray:** okay billie still belives im the only one who knows the truth about std so he occasionally tells me stuff  
and he called me and aske me to meet him and he sounded SAD so i did and he was so sad it was sad i was sad  
and he said that std somehow found out about him and mike and now std is making billie break up with mike   
and std is also making billie stop talking to us bc he thinks we "turned" him gay

 **burrendon:** silly std billies always been gay 

 **jish:** and billies actually agreeing to that???

 **tray:** well yeah

 **jish:** why the fuck

 **tray:** josh idk if u remember but std is an abusive psycho who will literallly beat the shit billie if he doenst do what he says  

 **milky:** the time has come for us to be men   
not boys  
mEN  
we must fIGHT   
wel not literally fight bc hes big and scary but u know what i mean

 **fraction:** the only one of us who even has a plan is dallon

 **ballon:** ha u unholy fucks that means u jave to listen to me now

 **burrendon:** im with dallon  
we have to kidnap std and take him far away  
maybe canada

 **mouse:** were not kidnapping a man and dumpiung him in canada

 **burrendon:** okay nebraksa

 **fraction:** lets not talk about nebraska pls

 **mik:** ray i have to disagree  
we are definitely kidnapping a man and dumping him in canada

 **tray:** when

 **gegard:** tonight  
we keep putting this off  
but it has to be done

 **tlyler:** its already night tho greg???  
oh yh lmao my phone keep correcting gerard to greg for some reason

 

 **\- rayn**  changed **gegard's**  nickname to **greg**

 

 **greg:** okay tomorro w night then idk fuck  
and i dont appreciate being called greg bt w

 **mouse:** abd if we get arrested?

 **tray:** u guys can all meet dildo dave

 **rayn:** rad i always wanted to meet him he seems like such a swell dude

 **jish:** who tf says swell

 **rayn:** i tf say swell

 **milky:** okay but what if we get killed

 **tlyler:** we come back as ghosts and watch over our good friend billie 

 **ballon:** see everypne wins in the end  
kind of

 **mouse:** fine looks like were kidnapping a man and dumping him in canada

 **mik:** should we like work out whos doing what

 **fraction:** well im currently eating cereal 

 **milky:** its like 4am why the fuck

 **mik:** thanks for sharing frank bjt i meant whos doing what   
and how is evertting gonna work exactly

 **fraction:** oh right   
lets leave that up to dallon

 **ballon:** okay well fuck u  
but i already thought this through and i made a list  
1\. mike takes billie to his house and keeps him distracted (this part is cRUCIFIX so u 2 need to not have another argument okay)  
2\. tre steals a van it has to be one of those w/ the big space in the back  
3\. we all go to billies house in the van and then we all put on scary looking masks and knock on the door. tre u have to stay in the van   
4\. we grab std and shove him in the back of the van and tie him to a chair with duct tape and rope and we cover his head w/ a bag and put headphones on him rlly loud  
5\. we drive to canada/nebraska/wherever and take him out of the van and idk threaten him or some shit just act scary  
6\. we come back and pretend everythinsg normal 

 **tray:** wodnerful plan 10/10 but i cant steal the van or drive it my leg is broken  
ill stay back w/ billie and mike as backup in case billie gets suspicious 

 **tlyler:** tre ur fucking leg is the cause of most of our problems

 **jish:** its actually not but i agree fuck tre and fuck his leg

 **milky:** oh boy were actually doing this   
were actually kidnapping a man

 **greg:** ill take up the job of tsealing a van  
i saw billie do it like once

 **mik:** if anyone fucks this up im gonna scream

 **burrendon:** prepare for a lot of screaming then bc were the kings at fucking up

 **rayn:** no were the unholy fucks outlaw biker gang

 **mouse:** i felt a strange sense of pride while reading that  
maybe we can do some good for once

 **ballon:** hA in what kind of scenario would that happen

 **jish:** an unrealistic one


	66. snake and josh: like drake and josh but with snakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u guys though the Great Finale™ would be this chapter lmao sike  
> its the next one tho i promise

**greg:** hey what if a dudes surname was doctor and he became a doctor hed be called dr doctor

 **rayn:** gerard u should be stealing a van for us not talking aboyt doctors

 **greg:** okay but consider this  
im actually pretty terrified right now   
and i already have a van ryan dont assume shit u dont know

 **jish:** i have masks and rope and duct tape and handcuffs 

 **burrendon:** we dont need to hear about urs and tylers sex life josh 

 **jish:** fuck off brendon i meant for the plan

 **burrendon:** oH nvm then

 **ballon:** i know this was my plan but i regret every second of this

 **mik:** houston we have a fucking problem

 **milky:** oh my gOD WERE NOT EVEN LEFT YET AND ALREADY SOMEONE FUCKED UP  
I BET IT WAS BRENDON

 **burrendon:** MIKEY GO AND FUCK AN ONCOMING TRAIN  
I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

 **ballon:** mikey stop accusing brendon of everything  that goes wrong hes not perfect but hes trying

 **burrendon:** <3

 **milky:** is he tho

 **burrendon:** u know what mikey how about u go fuck TWO oncoming trains  
considering ur relationship w/ pete wentz isnt working out

 **rayn:** oh my god savage lvl 100

 **milky:** well at least i never cheated on 2 people at the same time 

 **greg:** mikEY WHAT THE FUCK STOP IT

 **burrendon:** bitCH I WILL KICK U IF U BRING THAT SHIT UP AGAIN

 **ballon:** mikey pls thats in the past lets not

 **mik:** so does no one care about ouR VERY REAL PROBLEM

 **tray:** hi   
whoa  
brikey drama 

 **greg:**??

 **tray:** u know  
brikey??  
brendon+mikey

 **fraction:** whats the problem mike 

 **mik:** the plan is for me and tre to keep billie at my house right  
how the fuck are we supposed to do that when billie isnt talking to any of us

 **ballon:** oh yea i kinda foghorn about that

 **rayn:** foghorn

 **tlyler:** FOGHORN

 

 **\- tlyler** renamed the group **FOGHORN**

 

 **greg:** its fine we can do it anyway

 **mik:** no were not

 **fraction:** wE HAVE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP NOW MICHAEL 

 **burrendon:** i refuse to be part of somethings mikeys part of

 **milky:** i also refuse

 **rayn:** oH MY GOD STOP BOTH OF U

 **jish:** honesty mikey fuck u

 **milky:** its not my fault wtf

 **ballon:** it kind of is

 **burrendon:** theres no "kind of"  
this is literally all ur fault mikey 

 **milky:** u told me to fuck an oncoming train

 **burrendon:** u blamed the problems on me

 **tray:** heres an idea: ALL OF U SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ON WITH WHAT UR SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AND ME AND MIKE WILL CONVINCE BILLIE TO COME HANG WITH US

 **greg:** excelletnt idea i agree

 **burrendon:** only if mikey fucks the fuck off

 **milky:** no why dont u fuck the fuck off

 **greg:** miKEY FUCKING STOP IT OMG

 **mouse:** i turn my phone on to 500000000 notifications   
mikey what the fuck are u doing stop causing drama

 **milky:** whY IS EVERYONE BLAMING ME WAAT THE FUCK

 **burrendon:** BECAUSE UR BEING A FUCKING IMBECILE   
FUCKIN BLAMING ME FOR SHIT I DIDNT EVEN DO   
FUCK OFF

 **milky:** JFC SORRY OKAY BUT ITS USUALLY U WHO FUCKS IT UP

 **ballon:** mikey wtf no its not

 **burrendon:** when this std deal is over im gonna fucking beat ur ass boi

 **milky:** yea if u can manage 

 **tray:** u guys are rlly gonna start an argument?  
are u serous?  
right in front of my salad??

 **mouse:** what the fuck is happening   
also tre leave the salad meme out of the chat please

 **tray:** no ur not my real dad

 **fraction:** i knew something would go wrong  
i fucking knew

 

 **\- fraction** removed **milky** from **FOGHORN**

 

 **fraction:** he can come back when he learns to behave

 **tlyler:** so  
do u guys always cause uncontrollable chaos whenever theres important work to do

 **mik:** yea its kind of our thing  
one time mikey got his phone confiscated and we tried to get it back  
but that ended in me billie and brendon getting arrested and having to go to court and everything

 **jish:** waIT I REMEMBER THAT  
U GUYS KICKED THE PRINCIPALS DOOR IN AND STOLE A PHONE AND GOT CHARGED WITH BREAKING AND ENTERING CRIMINAL DAMAGE AND THEFT  
THAT WAS SO FUNNY

 **rayn:** THAT WAS U GUYS??

 **burrendon:** yea lmao it was wild

 **tray:** and then billie and brendon got put under house arrest but they both went to gerards lemon party anyway 

 **rayn:** gerards what

 **greg:** my lemon party  
basically it was a sleepover but then frank said we needed 12 lemon to go  
and yea it kind of turned into a lemon party there were lemons eveRYWHERE

 **ballon:** thats how i joined the squad

 **jish:** thats a beautoful story   
i shed my skin

 **mouse:** what the fuck josh

 **jish:** *shed a tear

 **fraction:** how can u fuck up that bad josh how

 **tlyler:** josh is a snake confirmed

 **tray:** snosh (snake josh)

 

 **\- mouse**  changed **jish's**  nickname to **snosh**

 

 **snosh:** amazing  
i shed another skin  
*TEAR 

 **mik:** SNAKE AND JOSH  
get it  
like drake and josh but with snakes

 

 **\- burrendon** renamed the group **snake and josh: like drake and josh but with snakes**

 

 **tlyler:** im kind of sad i msised the lemon party it sounded rad

 **greg:** it was  
well have another one sometime

 **rayn:** im sad i missed all the good times  
what other cool shit did i miss

 **fraction:** u missed brendon shove tyler down the stairs and then run away to nebraska fro a week

 **ballon:** why are we talking about old times when we should be preparing for kidnpping std

 **tray:** bc we probably wont have any good times after tonight

 **mik:** why tf not

 **tray:** face it were not getting out of this without getting in deep deep DEEP shit  
we might not be a squad for much longer

 **snosh:** dear lord thats depressing

 **fraction:** im adding mikey back  
im scared

 

 **\- fraction** added **milky** to **snake and josh: like drake and josh but with snakes**

 

 **milky:** finally u fuckwits  
i thought about my actiosn  
and id like to say  
i stILL DONT SEE HOW THAT WAS MY FAULT

 **burrendon:** literally fucking eat a pinecone

 **milky:** shove a pinecone up ur ass  
actually no u would prooably like that

 **burrendon:** i would tbh

 **mouse:** gross  
are the arguments over now

 **burrendon:** one more thing  
dont blame the problems on me again u little bitch mikey

 **mik:** oH MY GOD brendon stOP

 **burrendon:** fine im done

 **greg:** im already in the van btw   
waiting for u fuckers to hurry up and get over here

 **snosh:** coem pick us up

 **greg:** no i cant drive

 **ballon:** whale 

 **mouse:** dallon what

 **tray:** yeS IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS IM SO GOOD AT THIS GAME  
killer whale  
sperm whale  
blue whale  
humpback whale  
beluga whale  
narwhal  
fin whale  
gray whale  
north atlantic right whale  
southern right whale  
sei whale  
short finned pilot whale  
bowhead whale  
common minke whale

 **mik:** tre no offence but what the actual fuck are u doing

 **tray:** playin the game??? duh

 **greg:** whta game  
are we playng a game

 **milky:** no??

 **tray:** yes we are mikey were playing the game that dallon started

 **ballon:** i didnt start th game wtf  
what game is it

 **tray:** u said whale so we have to list all the types of whale

 **fraction:** oH i love this game!!!!  
spade toothed whale  
strap toothed whale  
northern bottle nose whale  
brydes whale

 **tlyler:** this isnt fair i dont know anyhing about whales what the fuck  
wAIT YES I DO  
THE WHALE IN FINDING DORY  
i think it was a whale idk

 **snosh:** ooh i rmember when we watched that  
u almost cried when she lost her parents

 **tlyler:** hey if brendons allowed to cry at tom cruise im allowed to cry at dory

 **ballon:** okay idk what u guys are doing but im not playing the fucking whale game??????????

 **rayn:** but u said whale

 **ballon:** whale  
*what

 **greg:** oH U MEANT TO SAY WHAT

 **tray:** damn i was winning as well

 **fraction:** this isnt the first time dallons illiterateness started a game about whales

 **ballon:** guys  
u dont have to bring up my infidelity every time i misspell something

 **mik:** okay  
lets start new okay  
okay 

 **milky:** u just said okay 3 times 

 **mik:** okay?

 **mouse:** yes lets start fresh  
gerard has a van + he cant drive = a problem  
mike and tre have to keep billie distracted + billies not talking to us = another problem  
so  
2 problems = this isnt gonna work   
sorry i dont make the rules

 **snosh:** so what ur saying is we need a new plan

 **ballon:** NO  
I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO THIS PLAN  
MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS WENT INTO THIS PLAN  
WERE NOT GIVIING UP ON IT  
WE CAN DO IT  
WE ARE THE UNHOLY FUCKS OUTLAW BIKER GANG AND WE WILL KILL STD

 **rayn:** dal we talked abou this  
murder is illegal and well go to jail if we kill him

 **milky:** hear me out a sec guys  
i have a plan b in case dallons plan doesnt work

 **ballon:** okay but it will work i can feel it in my ass

 **milky:** well in case it doesnt  
heres my plan b:  
we actually murder std 

 **greg:** mikEY THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I RAISED U TO BE

 **tray:** exciting  
then u can all meet dildo dave hes a rlly nice guy when u get to know him 

 **milky:** no we wont meet dildo dave because we wont get caught  
now listen  
1\. we kill std idc how im not fussy  
2\. we burn his body  
3\. we throw his bones in the river or bury them in the woods  
4\. we go on with life

 **burrendon:** gerard u brother scares me sometimes

 **greg:** mikey wtf were not killing anyone

 **mouse:** i admit its a good plan  
but no

 **rayn:** can u imagine if we actually do kill him  
then in 10 years his burnt bones will get discovered and well all be reunited as we attempt to not get found out  
and well be doing really good until some cop whos way smarter than he looks finds out some evidence   
and then we start getting caught one by one  
and maybe one of us doesnt get caught but what kind of life will they have knowing their entire squad is behind bars and theyre not  
man that would be shit  
no we cant kill him we cant  
do u guys hear me we caNT KILL HIM ITS WRONG

 **tlyler:** u rlly had to make up an entire movie plot to realise murder is wrong

 **milky:** fine no murder

 **ballon:** and what exactly would we tell billie  
"hey we murdered ur stepdad and hid his burnt bones ur welcome pls dont call the cops were not insane"

 **tray:** thats exactly what we tel him

 **ballon:** nO  
were sticking to my plan whether u buttwanks like it or not  
but seeing as weve wasTED SO MUCH GDODAMN TIME TONIGHT  
looks like were doing it tomorrow nigt instead 

 **mik:** at least that gives me an extra day to convince billie to talk to me 

 **tray:** or u know  
we could kidnap him and tie him up

 **fraction:** trE NO


	67. episode 67: the fucker becomes the fucked

**mik:** phase 1 complete  
i mean we totally fucked it up but weve got billie talking to us

 **tray:** i now have 2 broken legs

 **ballon:** h o w  
ur job was to talk to billie  
wtf did u do

 **milky:** im also confused  
how does talking to billie end in tre breaking his other leg

 **mik:**  okay thinking back its actually funny as shit  
i chased billie bc he ran away from us and i accidentally ran in front of like 29 cars   
and they all swerved away so they didnt hit me and tre was half running half hopping behind me  
and he got hit by 1 car then stood up and got hit by another car and then stood up again and got hit by anOTHER car lol

 **greg:** honestly i love how u added "lol" on the end of explaining how ur best friend got hit by 3 cars

 **burrendon:** its on the news btw  
theyre saying  u guys caused a car accident

 **rayn:** wait im watchig that too  
hA THEY SHOWED THE SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE   
TRE IM SCREAMING U FLIPPED THE DRIVER OFF AS SHE HIT U

 **tray:** i flipped all 3 drivers off actually  
fuck them 

 **tlyler:** tre wtf how are u not dead

 **tray:** idk lol

 **mouse:** i promise i care that tre got hit by 3 cars but shouldnt we be focusing on the plan

 **greg:** hello i am here to present u with yet another problem: the van i stole got towed this morning oops

 **ballon:** fuCKING SUCK A DICK GERARD

 **fraction:** yes gerard i agree suck a dick ;)

 **greg:** i feel attacked :(  
steal ur own vans from now on dallon   
actually no i wanna do it

 **burrendon:** i love that  
"hello i am here to present u with yet another problem" 

 **rayn:** isnt that ur life story brendon

 **burrendon:** um choke on a dick

 **rayn:** gladly ;)

 **ballon:** can u guys maybe behave??

 **snosh:** i still have masks and rope and shit  
so if u think about it im the most helpful one here right now

 **mik:** guys pls dont fuck it up this time  
tre literally almost died for this

 **tray:** it was sick tho

 **mik:** ur not supposed to celebrate almost dying

 **tray:** um excuse me do u make the rules

 **mik:** yes  
anyway  
all of u better be being useful

 **mouse:** im going with geard to get the van that counts as  being useful

 **greg:** why can none of u ever get my name right

 **burrendon:** gared u have no right to complain about people getting ur name wrong

 **greg:** GARED? 

 **fraction:** cmon guys stop being mean to guard

 **rayn:** frank i think u spelled grid wrong

 **greg:** WE HAVE STUFF DO TO LETS STOP 

 **burrendon:** were kind fo waiting on u to steal a van

 **greg:** o rite  
ill do it rn

 **mouse:** ill keep u guys updated

 **greg:** ur supposed to be helping me

 **mouse:** i am ill do the driving part

 **greg:** k

 **mik:** while u guy s do ur illegal shit tres gettin his leg plastered

 **ballon:** imma draw a massive dick on his cast

 **snosh:** but.. why

 **ballon:** idk just feels like the right thing to do

 **tray:** give me all the dick

 **fraction:** u whore tre

 **tlyler:** considering were all waiting around doing fuck all rn  
now would be a good time to tell a funny story

 **snosh:** no fuck off u said u wouldnt tell them

 **tlyler:** surprise i lied  
anyway  
yesterday me and josh were asked to not return to dairy queen

 **snosh:** actually idgaf if u tell them it was hilarious 

 **mik:** yea they dont like it when u have sex in the bathroom

 **tlyler:** what  
there was no sex in the bathrom???

 **mik:** what  
who said sex  
i didnt have sex   
wh a t

 **mouse:** is this why u and billie wouldnt come to dairy queen with us that  time

 **mik:** maybe  
anyway tyler was telling a story lets listen to tyler

 **tlyler:** so we were just sittin there behaving  
and josh poured his drink over the bottom of his shirt somehow  
and it looked kind of like he pissed on himself so he tucked it in

 **snosh:** im wheezing as i remember this  
but also cringing  
mostly cringing

 **tlyler:** and then we were getting up to leave and suddenly the whole fuckin table came wiith us bc josh tucked the table cloth into his pants   
and yea sure that was funny and everyone was staring   
but then it got worse

 **rayn:** i just inhaled an entire pop tart and almost choked

 **tray:** choke me daddy

 **mik:** trE

 **snosh:** in my defence i panicked okay

 **tlyler:** josh it wasnt even that bad of a situation   
all u had to do was untuck the table cloth and l e a v e  
u didnt have to take ur pants off who does that what kind of savage are u

 **ballon:** IM SCREECHING   
JOSH DID U LITERALLY TAKE UR PANTS OFF

 **snosh:** YES OKAY IM SORRY IVE MADE SOME MISTAKES IVE HAD A DIFFICULT LIFE

 **greg:** IM YELLING WHAT THE FUCK JOSH

 **fraction:** is that why u got banned

 **tlyler:** no it gets worse still

 **rayn:** h o w

 **tlyler:** he then decided to leave his pants on the floor and wrap the table cloth around himself?????????????/  
honestly im still shooketh over this

 **ballon:** josh why  
what made u think thats a good idea

 **milky:** wait  
how long have dairy queen had tablecloths

 **fraction:** TAHTS ur main concern here?

 **mik:** i dont think even tre did anythig like this

 **tray:** i am young mike give me time ill make u proud

 **fraction:** i believe in u tre

 **greg:** i have a van rays driving  
whoever this person is they have nice music taste

 **burrendon:** WAIT  
DO U HAVE UR MASKS ON

 **mouse:** no?

 **burrendon:** PIT TEHM ON JFC

 **greg:** brendon do u have any idea how suspicodu that will look  
just 2 guys driving around in masks  
very suspicous

 **milky:** but if u put ur masks on the cops wont know who u are

 **mouse:** there arent any cops tho mikey 

 **milky:** not yet...

 **rayn:** whaT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN  
THAT SOUNDS LIKE UR ABOUT TO BETRAY US AND CALL THE COPS  
BEGONE TRAITOR

 

 **\- rayn** removed **milky** from **snake and josh: like drake and josh but with snakes**

 

 **tlyler:** ryan no what are u doing

 **rayn:** my best

 **greg:** mikey isnt a traitor u guys 

 

 **\- greg** added **milky** to **snake and josh: like drake and josh but with snakes**

 

 **mouse:** we just pulled up in billies yard

 **ballon:** about fucking time ray weve been waiting for HOURS

 **burrendon:** dallon its been 10 minutes

 **ballon:** like i said  
HOURS

 **mik:** just behave and wait patiently and dont do anything weird

 **fraction:** give us an example of weird

 **mik:** dont do anything u usually do

 **fraction:** oh  
okay then

 **milky:** std boutta get FUCKED 

 **tray:** the fucker becomes the fucked

 

 **\- burrendon** renamed the group **episode 67: the fucker becomes the fucked**

 

 **snosh:** oh are we on episode 67 already

 **mik:** yes  
time flies when ur having fun

 **milky:** who said were having fun

 **burrendon:** oh im sorry do u have anywhere better to be

 **milky:** yes   
i could be at home watching netflix and not breaking 72 laws

 **rayn:** dont act like a good boy mikey u were the one who suggested literal murder

 **fraction:** remember kids  
if u have doubts, murder is always an option

 **greg:** is that a fucking comma

 **ballon:** whats a comma

 **burrendon:** dallon buddy this is why ur failng english

 **ballon:** am not failing engflig 

 **mouse:** "engflig"

 **mik:** oh mY GOD HURRY UP PLS OUR HOSPITAL TRIP ENDED SOONER THAN WE PLANNED BILLIE IS NO LONGER DISTRACTED HES GOING HOME

 **greg:** this is Bad™ oh no were parked in his yard and were all wearing masks waiting for std this is terrible jfc

 **rayn:** gedardrdard i dont mean to alarm u but while u were fucking about on ur phone some guy walked over to us  
breNDON SAYS ITS STD WHAT DO WE DO HES ASKING US WHAT WERE DOING

 **greg:** uhhhHH GRAB HIM SHOVE HIM IN THE VAN TIE HIM UP IDK

 **tray:** good luck my dudes 

 **tlyler:** its okay josh punched him and knocked him out  
wait no he didnt knock him out  
now he knocked him out  
he had to use a brick

 **mik:** remember; no murder

 **snosh:** oh dear lord theres Blood™  
how hard did i hit him

 **tlyler:** hard enough to dent his head 

 **mik:** REMINDER: NO MURDER

 **burrendon:** u know this chat is beyond fucked when u need to keep being reminded not to kill someone

 **milky:** whAT THE FUCK HAVE U GUYS DONE

 **mouse:** gods work

 **ballon:** we stuck to the plan mikey  
we kidnapped std   
we did a good thing

 **milky:** u see dallon that would be the correct answer if u actualLY KIDNAPPED STD

 **mik:** oh my god what the fuck have u dipshits done now

 **snosh:** why does everyone assume the worst   
mikey quit being a knob and look in the back of the van  
std is there

 **milky:** I AM LOOKING IN THE BACK OF THE VAN AND IDK WHO THAT IS BUT ITS NOT STD

 **mik:** pls tell me u guys didnt knock out and kidnap the wrong guy

 **burrendon:** i think we did 

 **tray:** well can u pls hurry up and kidnap the right person and then leave bc billie is litERALLY ON HIS WAY 

 **greg:** how about we put mikey on std watch 

 **tray:** std watch: a new show hosted by mikey way

 

 **\- mouse** renamed the group **std watch by mikey way**

 

 **ballon:** id watch the shit out of that 

 **milky:** wow amazing   
while were in the middle of a completely fucked up shit show of a plan u guys are still being jackasses

 **tlyler:** completely fucked up shit show of a plan  
i like that

 

 **\- rayn** renamed the group **the completely fucked up shit show of a plan**

 

 **milky:** OKAY THE REAL STD IS HERE AND HE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY TF THERE ARE A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS IN MASKS IN HSI YARD TRYING TO SHOVE WHAT LOOKS LIKE A DEAD BODY INTO A VAN  
QUICK JOSH THROW A BRICK AT HIM

 **snosh:** oh dear im out of bricks this is stressful 

 **tray:** im getting anxiety just readingg these messages thank fuck my legs are broken

 **mik:** pls do it right pls do it right

 **mouse:** its okay gerard just fucking slammed the entire van into him   
and knocked down part of teh house lol  
and now tyler and josh are tying him up 

 **burrendon:** see mike we can do good things

 **mik:** okay but u need to leave right now billies almost there  
me and tre and sneaky sneak followng him

 **tlyler:** how is tre following him

 **tray:** with great difficulty  
lmao i just fell over bc i was typing  
ha fuck i fell over again

 **ballon:** maybe stop typing >??

 **tray:** um are u my real dad?

 **ballon:** im everyones dad

 **fraction:** daddy dallon

 

 **\- rayn**  changed **ballon's**  nickname to **daddy dallon**

 

 **daddy dallon:** finally  
a title to be respected  
u must all refer to me as daddy now

 **snosh:** okay well thats not happening

 **burrendon:** i mean  
i do already

 **tray:** i only call 2 people daddy  
the ex principal and tywin 

 **mik:** u guys know tywins gonna be the new principla when we go back to school rright

 **tray:** Excellent™

 **greg:** Fuck™

 **mik:** OAKY BILLIES LEGIT RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER YALL NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT FUCKING NOW 

 **mouse:** GERARD THERS NO TIME FOR ME TO GET IN THE DRIVERS SEAT U HAVE TO DRIVE 

 **greg:** i am Afraid™ this is so Scary™ 

 **daddy dallon:** ITS OKAY WE BELLIVE IN U :)

 **greg:** im driving u guys im driving  
O DEAR OKAY WOW I JUST HIT SOMETHING

 **mik:** IM CRYING  
IM FUCKING CACKLING SO HARD  
THERE ARE ACTUAL REAL TEARS ON MY FACE  
GERARD U JUST HIT TRE WITH THE VAN

 **milky:** oh my god ie he okay

 **tray:** lol yea   
im gonna submit this to the world records place  
i survuved getting hit by 4 different cars in one day

 **tlyler:** im so proud of our son tre  
hes so Strong™

 **tray:** ty tyler ily

 **snosh:** um can u kindly fuck off

 **fraction:** okay so now we have std and a random stranger tied up in the back of the van what exactly are we doing with them

 **mik:** idk just go dump them somewhere

 **tlyler:** canada

 **greg:** tre im so sorry omg   
and no tyler im not driving all the way to fucking canada

 **fraction:** I HAVE A GOOD IDEA  
okay so everyone text ur fave state and the one thats most mentioned is where we take std

 **milky:** what if we all send different states

 **fraction:** oh my god mikey shut up

 **greg:** frank hes got a point

 **fraction:** u can shut up too

 **greg:** if u tell me to shut up again i swear to god ill turn this car around and well all go home

 **mik:** pleae dont we kind of need to u drive away from town 

 **greg:** someone tell me where im driving to and i will 

 **burrendon:** NEBRASKA

 **tlyler:** i also vote nebraska

 **snosh:** same

 **mouse:** fuck it lets go to nebraska  
again

 **rayn:** nebraska  
were coming for ur ass

 **tray:** nebrASSka

 

 **\- daddy dallon** renamed the group **nebrASSka**


	68. fun fact: thats called cannibalism and thats illegal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to another episode of the group chat au that nobody asked for. featuring the goblin king, gregorian chants, rule 4: please and some light cannibalism.

**mik:** okay im going over the rules again bc none of u hellions ever listen  
1\. DO NOT tell billie ANYTHING about what we did  
2\. DO NOT ask him ANYTHING about std   
3\. please behave  
4\. please

 **burrendon:** rule 4: please  
i love that rule its my favorite

 **mik:** brendon do u remember what i said about behaving

 **burrendon:** no i didnt read any of the rules apart from rule 4: please

 

 **\- fraction** renamed the group **rule 4: please**

 

 **mik:** okay brendon and frank are being deported from the chat

 

 **\- mik** removed **burrendon** from **rule 4: please**

 

 **\- mik** removed **fraction** from **rule 4: please**

 

 **greg:** mike no give frank back

 **tray:** gerard he didnt take him he just deported him

 **milky:** mike u cant just deport someone from the chat

 **mik:** i can if they dont follow the rules

 **rayn:** I JUST LAUGHED SO HARD I FELL OVER ON THE STREET AND A WOMAN TRIPPED OVER ME AND SHES CONVINCED I "ASSAULTED" HER HELP ME  
DALLON THIS IS ALL UR FAULT

 **daddy dallon:** DONT FUCKING YELL OUTSIDE MY WINDOW THEN

 **snosh:** i hate it when someone yells outside my window and then accidentally assaults a woman

 **mouse:** are u going to explain what the fuck happened 

 **daddy dallon:** RYAN WAS YELLING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME GREGORIAN CHANTS 

 **rayn:** WHEN I YELL DOES IT SOUND LIKE GREGORIAN CHANTS BE HONEST

 **tray:** well its more  a mix of gregorian chants and a distressed velociraptor

 **mouse:** that sounds mildly horrifying   
ryan pls never yell ever

 **rayn:** :(  
okay so whens billie coming back

 **mik:** when u all behave and agree to the rules

 **tlyler:** yes fine whatever we agre to teh rules

 **mik:** tyler is also deported from the chat

 

 **\- mik** removed **tlyler** from **rule 4: please**

 

 **snosh:** miKE STOP DEPORTING EVEERYONE

 

 **\- snosh** added **tlyler** to **rule 4: please**

 

 **mik:** attitude like taht will get u deported behave josh

 **snosh:** :O

 **tray:** mike ur overreacting wya too much all u have to do is delete any messages and badang lets go

 **greg:** what is badang

 **mouse:** i like badang  
its got style

 **daddy dallon:** rule 5: badang

 **mik:** daddy no 

 **daddy dallon:** dallon yes  
wait what the fuck did u just call me daddy

 **mik:** fuck off ur name confuses me

 **tlyler:** rip mike 1900-2017

 **mik:** i wasnt born in 1900 tyler ?

 **milky:** CAN U JUST ADD BILLIE BACK PLS WE MISS HIM  
and u should prob add brendon and frank back too ig  

 **tray:** mike appears to be having a nervous breakdown so ill do it

 

 **\- tray** added **bongjong** to **rule 4: please**

 

 **\- tray** added **burrendon** to **rule 4: please**

 

 **\- tray** added **fraction** to **rule 4: please**

 

 **bongjong:** whats up fuckers

 **fraction:** ALL HAIL THE GOBLIN KING

 

 **\- fraction**  changed **bongjong's**  nickname to **goblin king**

 

 **mik:** fraNK I SAID BEHAVE

 **fraction:** fuk u ur not my real dad

 **rayn:** brendon mike called ur boyfriend daddy

 **burrendon:** mike u whore 

 **goblin king:** i see u guys havent changed a bit 

 **mik:** it was an ACCIDENT jessica  
*jesus

 **snosh:** ya know for a second i thoight u were calling brendon jessica

 

 **\- fraction**  changed **burrendon's**  nickname to **jessica**

 

 **jessica:** frank noah fence but i will SLAP u if u continue

 **greg:** sorry jessica no one touches my boyfriend

 **jessica:** shut up greg

 **daddy dallon:** greg more like gregorian chants ha

 **milky:** omg no billie doesnt know the story

 **goblin king:** ooh what story

 **rayn:** i was yelling and dallon mistook it for gregorian chants   
and then i laughed so hard i fell over and a woman tripped over me and said i assaulted her

 **goblin king:** wild  
so what else have u guys been doing

 **tray:** oh u know the usual  
and by the usual i do not mean kidnapping becaue that is illegal and we dont do that  
we also didnt hit anyone with bricks or steal a van

 **mik:** trE NO

 **goblin king:** oh im glad we cleared that i up or i would have thouhght u guys kidnapped someone in a stolen van thanks tre  
waiT THAT REMINDS ME  
MY NEIGHBOR WENT MISSING FOR LIKE A WEEK AND HE SAID SOME GUYS IN MASKS KNOCKED HIM OUT AND TIED HIM UP IN THE BACK OF A VAN AND LEFT HIM IN NEBRASKA

 **snosh:** what no omg thats horrible

 **rayn:** terrible who would do such a thing 

 **milky:** peiple today are so evil 

 **goblin king:** oh no he was happy about it  
he said he found true love in nebraska and hes moving there 

 **jessica:** well then i guess the van dudes should be awarded   
what nice thoughtful citizens

 **mik:** haha so billie what have u been doing 

 **goblin king:** nothing

 **mouse:** well this has been a fun conversation time to move on   
now  
please

 **jessica:** rule 4: please

 **mik:** brendon i will shove rule 4 up ur ass if u dont shut up

 **jessica:** please

 **daddy dallon:** uM EXCUSE ME 

 **greg:** u know since we have school soon we should have anpther lemon party

 **milky:** yES LEMON PARTY V2 WITH THE NEW SQUAD MEMBERS

 **snosh:** do we actually need to bring lemon 

 **greg:** um yes?? what kind of a lemon party would it be with no lemon

 **tlyler:** a normal sleepover  
u know when u go to someones house and u all go to sleep like normal teenagers

 **goblin king:** sounds scary no thank u  
u know what does sound rad  
a lemon party but with REALLY BIG LEMONS

 **mik:** ooh big lemons big lemons big lemons

 **milky:** where do u even get big lemons from

 **goblin king:** idk i didnt think it through  
but u get the idea right

 **rayn:** im allergic to lemons can i bring something else

 **greg:** like what

 **rayn:** like my sparkling personality

 **mouse:** how is that useful to us

 **rayn:** how are lemons useful ray

 **goblin king:** we can eat lemons  
we cant exactly eat ur personality

 **fraction:** no but we can eat his body

 **snosh:** fun fact: thats called cannibalism and thats illegal

 **fraction:** u could have told me its illegal before i tried it  
jesus christ josh ur no help at all

 **mouse:** what

 **jessica:** whAT

 **fraction:** whats life without a little light cannibalism 

 **tray:** making that my new motto  
wait no fuck that thats gonna be my senior quote  
im gonna live my entire life by that 

 **rayn:** okay frank and tre are lowkey scaring me  
again

 **daddy dallon:** thats actually a retirement for being a full part of the squad

 **mik:** requirement dallon not retirement 

 **daddy dallon:** i dont know waht any of those words mean 

 **mik:** well okay then  
billie are u happy to be back

 **goblin king:** sì


	69. *off-key kazoo*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so stupid also i dont actually know if lemon allergies are real

**greg:** *in the tune of final countdown*  
its my mental breakdown  
*off-key kazoo*

 **milky:** go to sleep u fucking vampire

 **fraction:** *off-key kazoo* is my aesthetic 

 

 **\- fraction** renamed the group ***off-key kazoo***

 

 **\- tlyler**  changed **greg's**  nickname to **a fucking vampire**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** tyler why

 **tlyler:** getting in the halloween spirit

 **a fucking vampire:** its the beginning of september

 **tlyler:** thats irrelevant?????  
its always halloween

 **daddy dallon:** dont talk about halloween brendon will get excited he loves halloween

 **mik:** thats why he was allowed to stay in the chat  
tre liked that he liked halloween 

 **jessica:** i saw the word halloween and got so excited i dropped my phone and now its cracked  
tyler u owe me a new phone

 **tlyler:** how does that work

 **jessica:** its the rules of halloween

 **mouse:** iTS NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN  
good morning everyone

 **milky:** cello ray  
hello lmao wtf

 **fraction:** cello  
is it me ur looking for

 **a fucking vampire:** cello  
wait is it morning already

 **milky:** yes  
u kept me up all night playing that damn kazoo

 **jessica:** thats when u know ur  beyond helping  
when u stay up all night playing a kazoo

 **goblin king:** oh yea i forgot no one ever sleeps ever in this hellhole 

 **snosh:** u get used to it

 **goblin king:** ur talking like im new to the chat  
ive been here longer than u

 **snosh:** yea but u kept disappearing

 **goblin king:** we dont talk about that okay thats over and done with

 **snosh:** *whispers* he kept disappearing

 **goblin:** *aggressively whispers* i said its over bitch

 **snosh:** ar u breaking up with me  
*cries in spanish*

 **tlyler:** oh wow josh i didnt know u could speak spanish

 **snosh:** im not speaking spanish im crying spanish

 

 **\- daddy dallon**  changed **snosh's**  nickname to ***cries in spanish***

 

 ***cries in spanish*:** ooh sweet i was bored of being snosh

 **goblin king:** what even is snosh

 **rayn:** snosh (snake josh)  
also hi

 **jessica:** ryan ur back

 **rayn:** where did i go

 **milky:** u know what sounds fun  
a lemon party tonight  
its our last chance before school comes to murder us all

 **tray:** i dont want to go back  
i cant handle tywin being the principal  
i wanT THE OLD PRINCIPAL BACk

 **fraction:** if i have mr turner again ill scream at him until his wig falls off

 **mouse:** i didnt know mr turner had a wig

 **fraction:** yea he lost all his hair due to stress  
which i may or may not have been the cause of

 **rayn:** reminder: im allergic to lemons   
i literally cant breathe if a lemon touches me

 **tlyler:** is that a real thing  
i dont think thats a real thing

 **rayn:** i almost died when i was 12 from a lemon it wasnt fun   
if any of u let a lemon touch me and i die i swear ghost me will snitch

 **milky:** fine no lemons  
how about a coconut party

 **goblin king:** nO WE HAVE TO HAVE LEMONS ITS TRADITION

 **mik:** I STAND WITH THE GOBLIN  
WE NEED LEMONS

 **goblin king:** mike dont call me the goblin  
its either the goblin king or your grace

 **rayn:** I LOVE COCONUTS CAN I BRING A COCONUT

 **mouse:** we have to bring 12 lemons each so u have to bring 12 coconuts

 **rayn:** noah fence but where the fuck am i gonna get 12 coconuts 

 **mouse:** thats for u to figure out i already have my 12 lemons

 ***cries in spanish*:** this sounds like a math problem  
ray has 12 lemons and ryan has 0 coconuts  
the goblin king confiscates 19   
calculate the mass of one jar of peanut butter

 **fraction:** where did the 19 come from

 ***cries in spanish*:** idk ask the goblin king hes the one who confiscated it

 **goblin king:** i wouldnt confiscate coconuts or lemons theyre both gross  
but i do like peanut butter  
IM BRINGING PEANUT BUTTER OKAY

 **a fucking vampire:** so first we had a lemon party  
and now were having a lemon coconut peanut butter party??  
works for me 

 **daddy dallon:** billo 2 seconds ago u were standing up for lemon rights and now u want peanut butter  
it doesnt work that way buddy sorry i dont make the rules ur disqualified

 **goblin king:** 2 things  
1\. who the fuck is billo  
2\. u cant disqualify me from the lemon coconut peanut butter party ur not the elder

 **daddy dallon:** who is the elder

 **a fucking vampire:** i am  
and i vote our goblin friendo stays

 **goblin king:** ha get rekt dildo

 

 **\- tray**  changed **daddy dallon's**  nickname to **dildo**

 

 **tray:** before u get ur panties in a twist just know i had to do it   
it reminds me of my good pal dildo dave

 

 **\- dildo**  changed **goblin king's**  nickname to **billo**

 

 **dildo:** if i go down the goblin comes with me

 **tlyler:** so if ur all bringing stuff u actually like does that mean i get to bring 12 blocks of cheese

 **a fucking vampire:** yes

 **tray:** bringing 12 grapefruit

 **milky:** sorry thats gonna be 15 grapefruit this year  
as the rent goes up so does the price of admission   
sorry boyos

 **rayn:** i cant believe i have to go and buy 15 coconut to get into this stupid lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefuit party

 **billo:** yeS I GET 15 JARS OF PEANUT BUTTER  
BOI IM GONNA BE SO SICK TOMORROW BUT IDGAF I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER

 **jessica:** in honor of halloween im bring 15 motherfucking pumpkins 

 **dildo:** the pumpkins will take up all the room

 **tlyler:** this is gonna be a rad night  
the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin party  
before i change the group name does anyone wanna add anything

 **mik:** add potatos  
i feel like we need potatos

 ***cries in spanish*:** and add sour patch kids   
i love sour patch kids more than anything

 **tlyler:** even me

 ***cries in spanish*:** yes

 **tlyler:** is it because im not a sour patch kid

 ***cries in spanish*:** yes

 **billo:** u kno what we have to do bois  
we have to turn tyler into a sour patch kid

 

 **\- billo**  changed **tlyler's**  nickname to **sour patch kid**

 

 **sour patch kid:** do u love me now josh

 ***cries in spanish*:** yes

 **rayn:** iconic

 

 **\- sour patch kid** renamed the group **the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** im already terrified 


	70. the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party

**billo:** what does a cow and grass have in common

 **jessica:** what the fuck

 **billo:** they both moo  
well not the grass  
but u get what i mean

 **milky:** oh

 **a fucking vampire:** are u high

 **billo:** no im kinda short actually 

 **fraction:** i have work to do 1 sec

 

 **\- fraction**  changed **tray's**  nickname to **halloween whore**

 

 **\- fraction**  changed **jessica's**  nickname to **halloween whore 2: the awakening**

 

 **mik:** brendon and tetris the halloween whores i like  
what  
i didmt even type tetris whAT

 **halloween whore:** TETRIS I JUST HISSED 

 **mouse:** i can see the shenanigans have already began and none of us are even at gerards house yet

 **a fucking vampire:** im at my house  
mikeys at my house  
thats 2 whole people

 **milky:** im not actually

 **rayn:** ur not a whole person??  
is ur soul missing  
i told u guys his soul was missing  
quiCK WE MUST PERFORM AN EXORCISM 

 **dildo:** hoW ARE ANYOF US SUPPOSED TO KNOW AN EXOSKELETON 

 **mouse:** "exoskeleton"

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** exorcizamus te omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas omnis incursio infernalis adversarii omnis legio omnis congregatio et secta diabolica ergo omnis legio diabolica adiuramus te cessa decipere humanas creaturas eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare vade satana inventor et magister omnis fallaciæ hostis humanæ salutis humiliare sub potenti manu dei contremisce et effuge invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine quem inferi tremunt ab insidiis diaboli libera nos domine ut ecclesiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire te rogamus audi nos

 

 **\- *cries in spanish*** left **the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party**

 

 **milky:** nO  
IM OUT  
NO NO NO  
IM DONW WITH ALL THIS SATANIC BULLSHIT

 **billo:** yea im also kind of concerned  
how the fuck does brendon know an entire exorcism 

 **milky:** IM NOT TALKING ABOUT BRENDONS EXORCISM  
BRENDONS A WEIRD LITTLE PSYCHO NOTHING SURPRISES ME ANYMORE  
IM TALKING ABOUT JOSH LEAVING THE GROUP RIGHT AFTER BRENDON DID THE EXORCISM 

 **dildo:** josh is a demon confirmed

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** mikey i dont appreciate being called a weird little psycho

 **milky:** dont act like a weird little psycho then

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** chat shit get hit

 **a fucking vampire:** okay time out  
the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party hasnt even started yet and already billies high brendons a psycho and josh is a demon  
and mikey stop insulting people and behave

 **billo:** am not high am on the ground 

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** geRARD IM NOT A PSYCHO

 **milky:** bite me bitch

 **sour patch kid:** is no one gonna talk about ryan saying we need to exorcise mikey because he has no soul  
thats not how exorcisms work honey

 **rayn:** um im sorry im not dating a liTERAL DEMON so im a bit confused on all this satanic stuff

 **sour patch kid:** josé isnt a demon 

 **mouse:** whos josé 

 **sour patch kid:** oH MY GOD   
*JOSH

 **fraction:** i need to add him back i need to do a thing

 **mik:** dont blame us when u get possessed 

 

 **\- fraction** added ***cries in spanish*** to **the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party**

 

 **\- fraction**  changed ***cries in spanish*'s**  nickname to **josé**

 

 **josé:**????

 **mik:** tyler called u josé   
also why tf did u leave when brendon did teh exorcism   
thats some demonic shit right there

 **josé:** i thought u guys would freak out  
and judging by tyler frantically typing and mumbling "josh isnt a demon what the fuck" im guessing i succeeded

 **mouse:** yea well dont fucking do that shit u know what happened last time with the government 

 **josé:** jeez sorry mom

**fraction set the nickname for mouse to mom**

**mom:** frank can u stop 

 **fraction:** no its a disease i can never stop

 

 **\- mom**  changed **fraction's**  nickname to **godDAMN HELLION**

 

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** demons and exorcisms aside i have my 15 pumpkins its gonna be lit gerard im coming to ur house now

 **dildo:** hes pushing a shopping cart full of pumpkins down the street dear lord this is so embarrassing he looks homeless

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** if i was homeless why would i have 15 pumpkins??? doesnt make sense does it   
think before u speak

 **halloween whore:** words hurt #thinkbeforeuspeak

 **mik:** tre literally fuck off

 **halloween whore:** uHM   
suck a dick?/

 **billo:** i agree with the tetris suck a dick  
preferably my dick

 **mik:** billie we are in a store right now 

 **billo:** yea so??  
theres a storeroom at the back and the doors unlocked

 **mik:** well be right back

 **rayn:** honestly i just lost my shit that billie called tre "the tetris"

 

 **\- godDAMN HELLION**  changed **halloween whore's** nickname to **tetris**

 

 **tetris:** rip halloween whore 2017-2017

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** rip my other half

 **dildo:** im not dead

 **halloween whore 2:** sometimes i can still hear his voice :'(

 **mom:** gerard open ur door my arms are full of lemons 

 **josé:** me and tyler are leaving now   
boi this nighst gonna be wild

 **milky:** gerard i have a question  
do mom and dad even know were inviting 10 badly behaved teenage boys over   
and do they know theyre bringing a fuck ton of food

 **a fucking vampire:** no and no  
and lets not tell them if were quiet they wont notice

 **godDAMN HELLION:** what is quiet and how do u achieve that

 **milky:** this isnt gonna work

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** i just realised this is dallons first time as an invited member 

 **rayn:** he wasnt invited last time?

 **dildo:** no brendon had to sneak me through the window and then i hid under a blanket and scared gerard

 **a fucking vampire:** throwback thursday 

 **tetris:** its tuesday

 **mom:** throwback tuesday then

 **godDAMN HELLION:** gerard i just climbed through ur bedroom window and dropped lemons all over the floor and ur mom saw me and was like "oh are u here to see gerard hes downstairs"  
shes such a nice woman 

 **tetris:** i know one time i accidentally knocked their front door down and she was like "lol boys will be boys"

 **a fucking vampire:** wait that was u

 **tetris:** ... no?

 **rayn:** this is exciting im excited  
but the lemons are kind of scaring me  
dallons holding them so close to me i could die right now

 **dildo:** gerard open ur door brendons has to bring his shopping cart inside too

 **milky:** but why

 **a fucking vampire:** mikey dont be rude let the man bring his shopping cart inside

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** fuck u mikey :))))

 **a fucking vampire:** lmao mike billie listen  
my mom was like "wheres ur 2 other friends"  
and brendon just fucking blurts out "theyre sucking each other off in a storeroom"

 **mik:** no ones sucking anyone off anymore  
we have potatoes and peanut butter lets goooooo

 **tetris:** i have my grapefruits  
theyre arranged smallest to largest on the couch  
and their names are as follows  
1\. jebediah (in memory of my lost son who was thrown into dallons head rip in piece)  
2\. jedidiah (his twin)  
3\. eddie   
4\. (windows startup noise)  
5\. joseph  
6. joseph (continued)  
7\. joseph (the finale)  
8\. The Egg™  
9\. 92 and a half   
10\. gOaT bOy  
11\. the artful dodger  
12\. iPhone SE  
13\. carl  
14\. CATCH HIM DERRY  
15\. !!!

 **sour patch kid:** tag urself im gOaT bOy

 **billo:** im definitely !!!

 **godDAMN HELLION:** i feel a close personal connection to 92 and a half

 **a fucking vampire:** my mom isnt even questioning brendon bringing an entire shopping cart full of massive pumpkins into the house??  
yet she gets mad when i smoke 1 cigarette inside the house

 **milky:** smokinsg bad for ur health   
shopping carts and pumpkins are not

 **mik:** oH MY GOD IM DECEASED 

 **rayn:** what the fuck was that noise

 **mik:** THAT NOISE WAS BILLIE NOT LOOKING WHERE HE WAS WALKING AND WALKING INTO BRENDONS SHOPPING CART AND DISAPPEARING INTO THE PUMPKINS

 **tetris:** sorry the old billie cant come to the phone   
why?  
because he was devoured by 15 pumpkins in a shopping cart

 **josé:** the pumpkins have him now

 

 **\- sour patch kid** renamed the group **the pumpkins have him now**

 

 **billo:** dont text and drive kiddos

 

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** u werent driving

 **billo:** ah thats what u think

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** no thats what i know

 **mik:** okay lets fuck shit up

 **godDAMN HELLION:** and the lemon coconut peanut butter cheese grapefruit pumpkin potato sour patch kid party begins :)

 **sour patch kid:** *cue music*

 **mom:** and instead of music we get tres anguished screams

 **josé:** why he screm

 **rayn:** he dropped joseph (the finale)

 **tetris:** my son  
my beautiful son

 **a fucking vampire:** rip


	71. daddy long legs vs brother broken legs

**mom:** any of u guys awake??

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** yes  
daddy long legs keeps kicking me

 **godDAMN HELLION:** i just made the most embarrassing honking noise while i tried not to laugh dont look at me ever again  
"daddy long legs"

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** daddy long legs is dallons birth name did u not know that  
he came out of the womb and his mom was like "o shit dem leggys r lONG"

 **billo:** dallon is daddy long legs and tre is brother broken legs

 **tetris:** i feel personally attacked

 **a fucking vampire:** IM LITERALLY GONNA PISS MYSELF AND I CANT BREATHE   
BILLIE WHAT THE FUCK  
BROTHER BROKEN LEGS

 **josé:** daddy long legs vs brother broken legs

 **dildo:** brendon stop giggling u sound 3  
also what the fuck

 

 **\- halloween whore 2: the awakening**  changed **dildo's**  nickname to **daddy long legs**

 

 **\- halloween whore 2: the awakening**  changed **tetris's**  nickname to **brother broken legs**

 

 **sour patch kid:** he was born with long legs was he

 **rayn:** yes his legs were already 6 feet tall

 **daddy long legs:** only my legs were 6 feet tall?  
what about the rest of my body 

 **rayn:** the rest of ur body was a babies body

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** st O P my pepsi just came out of my nose bc i pictured a babies body but with really long man legs

 **godDAMN HELLION:** oH MY GOD STOP IT BRENDON I KEEP ACCIDENTALLY MAKING A WEIRD HONKING NOISE 

 **sour patch kid:** what  are those foghorn noises also why are u all in the chat when were all laying on the same floor

 **milky:** those noises were franks "im trying not to laugh right now bc everyone is asleep so instead ill just honk disturbingly until i no longer find the situation funny" noises

 **billo:** oh  
i thought it was a foghorn

 **brother broken legs:** foghorn frank

 **mom:** FOGHORN FRANK IM IN PHYSICAL PA I N

 

 **\- mom**  changed **godDAMN HELLION's**  nickname to **foghorn frank**

 

 **\- rayn** renamed the group **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** frogpan frank???  
oH THAT SAYS FOGHORN IM SO SORRY 

 **billo:** F R O G P A N  
IM CRYING ACTUAL TEARS

 **mik:** billie shut the fuck up why are u laughing 

 **billo:** frogpan

 

 **\- tetris**  changed **foghorn frank's**  nickname to **frogpan**

 

 **frogpan:** thanks?

 **josé:** tre listen  
(windows startup noise) has rolled into me 16 times in the last hour can u control him pls

 **brother broken legs:** josh listen  
(windows startup noise) uses they/them pronouns 

 **josé:** im so sorry  
can u control them pls

 **brother broken legs:** yea sure ill just put them on a leash should i

 **mom:** (windows startup noise) is the problem child of the family 

 **mik:** (winows startup noise) is gender fluid? rad

 **brother broken legs:** yes  
they are also asexual

 **frogpan:** (windows startup noise) is a grapefruit  
grapefruits dont have a gender or sexuality

 **rayn:** frank dont be so negative

 **a fucking vampire:** u heard it here first folks  
(windows startup noise) is an asexual gender fluid grapefruit

 **sour patch kid:** what about CATCH HIM DERRY   
that ones my fave

 **brother broken legs:** CATCH HIM DERRY had a difficult childhood and she doenst like to talk to people

 **daddy long legs:** mood: tre making up backstories for his 15 grapefruits 

 **frogpan:** 14 grapefruits

 **brother broken legs:** dID U REALLY HAVE TO REMIND ME THAT I DROPPED joseph (the finale) AND HE EXPLODED

 **milky:** yes tre were gonna need u to clean up the grapefruit shit thats all over the carpet btw

 **brother broken legs:** im a grieving mother and grieving mothers dont do housework  
also my legs are broken

 **milky:** having broken legs ddnt stop u from going out and buying 15 grapefruits and carrying them all here did it

 **mik:** i just fucking rolled over and got peanut butter all over my neck @ billie what the fuck

 **billo:** oh yea like 10/15 jars are open be careful u guys

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** i love that billie tells us to be careful bc he opened 10 jars of peanut butter and just left them on the floor

 **billo:** brendon  u cant say shit u made a pumpkin mountain and u screech every time someone touches it

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** touch my masterpiece and ill piss in ur peanut butter

 **mik:** "ill piss in ur peanut butter" bRENDON 

 **frogpan:** oH MY GOD U GUYS OH MY GOD  
RYAN WASNT LYING ABOUT HIS LEMON ALLERGY 

 **sour patch kid:** what  
did he touch a lemon  
is he okay

 **mom:** NO HE SISNT OKAY  
FRANK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DID U DO TO HIM

 **brother broken legs:** oh boy its so Dark™ and Crowded™ in here i cant see shit  
i hope the grapefruits dont get injured in the chaos

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** what happened to ryan

 **frogpan:** HE COVERED A POTATO IN PEANUT BUTTER AND THREW IT AT ME SO I TRIED TO THROW IT BACK BUT I ACCIDENTALLY PICKED UP A LEMON AND IT HIT HIM IN THE FACE AND NOW HE CANT BREATHE 

 **daddy long legs:** wow i didnt know lemons could be so breathtaking 

 **rayn:** shut the fuck up u vapid sewer wench 

 **a fucking vampire:** vapID SEWER WENCH IM FUCKINF DEAD

 **sour patch kid:** even when hes literally dying ryan still finds the strength to call dallon a vapid sewer wench

 **milky:** honestly im more surprised that dallon spelled breathtaking right

 **sour patch kid:** whoever the fuck just stood on my cheese do u mind

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** tyLER NO ONE CARES ABOUT UR CHEESE RYAN IS LITERALLY DYING RIGHT NOW

 **mom:** AND WHILE RYAN IS LITERALLY DYING WERE ALL LAYING AROUND TEXTING ON OUR PHONES MAYBE ONE OF US SHOULD DRIVE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL

 **milky:** NONE OF US HAS A CAR OR CAN LEGALLY DRIVE RAY 

 **a fucking vampire:** damn i SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE VAN WHY DID U MAKE ME BURN IT

 **brother broken legs:** E V I D E N C E

 **billo:** u guys had a van  
rad   
wait why did u burn it

 **daddy long legs:** uhHdGGFD  
ITS NOT IMPORTANT RYANS DYING SHUT UP

 

 **\- daddy long legs** removed **billo** from **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **mik:** smooth 

 

 **\- mik** added **billo** to **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **milky:** jesus christ whats all that banging and screaming its so dark this is terrifying

 **frogpan:** i just witnessed the funniest goddamn thing in all of history  
billie yelled across the room "DALLON DO U WANT TO DIE TONIGHT"  
and dallon was like "BRING IT GOBLIN BOY"  
and billie fucking punched out and hit one of the grapefruits instead of dallon and tre slapped billie so billie grabbed a jar of peanut butter and threw it at tre but it missed and went all in tylers hair so tyler kicked billie in the back and he fell forwards onto the lemons and he started throwing them around and ryan got hit with a load of lemons and now hes like double dying

 **josé:** "double dying"

 **billo:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

 **brother broken legs:** *ryan dying intensifies*

 **mom:** nONE OF US ARE DOING ANYTHING AND RYAN IS LITERALLY NOT BREATHING JESUS CHRIST 

 **milky:** WE CAN TAKE OUR PARENTS CAR TO THE HOSPOTAL LETS GO LETS GO LETS GP LETSG GODOIK

 **a fucking vampire:** "godoik"

 **mik:** this definitely wont cause a sceen  
we all go to the hospital covered in peanut butter with a kid that isnt breathing and tre has 2 broken legs with smashed grapefruit all over him

 **sour patch kid:** dont forget brendon has a sharpie upside down L on his head

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** i do??  
omf i do  
why the fuCK

 **josé:** tyler did it bc he has a weird waluigi fetish 

 **sour patch kid:** jeSUS CHRIST JOSH SELL ME WHY DONT U 

 **billo:** RYAN ISNT BREATHING U DICKFUCKS LETS GO 

 **a fucking vampire:** dont u mean lets godoik

 **milky:** geARD FUCK UR ASS

 **a fucking vampire:** no thx thats franks job ;)

 **mom:** RYAN COULD LITERALLY DIE ANY SECOND WHAT IS WRONG WITH U ASSHOLES

 **daddy long legs:** this just proves that ryan was the weakest member of the #squad

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** stop using past tense hes not dead yet

 **brother broken legs:** "yet"

 **daddy long legs:** the weak members of the squad die and are forgotten  
the strong ones keep going  
rip ryan

 **josé:** daLLON 


	72. sure thing space cowboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by true events

**halloween whore 2: the awakening:** IM GOING TO DIE OF A HEART ATTACK IM LAUGHIBSG SO HARD FUCK 

 **daddy long legs:**  SAY ONE WORD AND I WILL MURDER UR ENTIRE FAMILY

 **sour patch kid:** DALLLON CMON ITS FUNNY

 **daddy long legs:** NOT FOR ME 

 **frogpan:** okay i am intrigued

 **milky:** brendon and tyler if u dont tell us well murder ur entire families

 **daddy long legs:** NO  
STOP IT   
BRENDON TYLER DONT U FUCKING DARE  
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** IM LAUGHING SO HARD I THINK I MIGHT BE COUGHING UP BLOOD DALL WHY DID U DO THAT

 **daddy long legs:** I DIDNT WANNA DO IT JESUS CHRIST I HAVE TO WALK AROUND ALL DAY LIKE THIS NOW   
FUCKING TYLER THIS IS ALL UR FAULt

 **sour patch kid:** IT WAS SSO GODDAMN FUNNY HOLY SHIT DALLON i kinda feel bad for u tho

 **a fucking vampire:** what the fuck is going on

 **frogpan:** dallon did something that he doesnt want us to know about thats tylers fault and brendons literally dying because of it

 **brother broken legs:**  u guys have to tell us its important we shouldnr keep secrets were all besties here

 **billo:** weve been at school for less than an hour   
dallon what the hell did u do thats so bad

 **daddy long legs:** NOTHING BILLIE FUCK OFF

 **mik:** psa: new principal tywin is MEAN and STRICT :(

 **josé:** brendon just tell us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **daddy long legs:** im leAVING THE CHAT  
IM LEAVING TOWN  
IM MOVING TO ICELAND SO I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK ANY OF U IN THE EYE EVER AGAIN

 

 **\- daddy long legs** left **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **josé:**  wjat happened omg   
dallons taking this so seriously 

 **sour patch kid:** brendons in tears right now he can barely breathe so ill summarise real quick  
dallon peed all over himself

 **mom:** the first thing i see when i turn my phone on is a message saying dallon peed on himself n i c e :)

 **a fucking vampire:** but... how  
how did he pee on himself

 **halloween whore 2: the awakening:** me dallon and tyler were hanging in the bathroom as u do  
dallon was peeing  
and suddenly tyler started laughing really fuckin hard and he was like "i just thought of chevron with techron but instead of chevron its brendon with techron"  
and we all laughed  
but dallon laughed so much that he fell over in the middle of peeing and yea he peed all over himself and its really noticeable so he locked himself in a stall and now he refuses to come out  
bUT THE FUNNIEST PART WAS HIS FUCKING PTERODACTYL SCREECH WHEN HE FELL I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS CAPABLE OF MAKING SUCH A HIGH PITCHED NOISE

 

 **\- mik**  changed **halloween whore 2: the awakening's**  nickname to **brendon with techron**

 

 **josé:** we should add him back but like dont make him feel bad about it u know   
peeing on urself is embarrassing as fuck

 **sour patch kid:** u would know

 **josé:** fuck OFF TYLER  
IT WAS ONE TIME AND I WAS DRUNK

 

 **\- josé** removed **sour patch kid** from **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **josé:** like i said  
lets be nice

 

 **\- josé** added **daddy long legs** to **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **brendon with techron:** dall my good buddy  
were sorry if we made u feel uncomfortable  
but that shit was fucking hilarious 

 **josé:** brNDOJ I SAID BE NICE

 **brendon with techron:** what THD FUCK IS A BRNDOJ

 **mom:** we havent changed a bit since last year i love this this is so wholesome

 **daddy long legs:** can we just preted this didnt happen   
yes good okay moVING ON

 **a fucking vampire:** wait i just remembered ryans been in the hospital for 3 days is he okay where he @

 **rayn:** im here  
im alive   
kind of

 **milky:** i cant believe we forgor our friend was dying   
were such bad people oh my gid  
dallon this si ur fault

 **daddy long legs:** jeSUS CHRIST MIKEY DO U THINK I WANTED TO PISS ON MYSELF

 **billo:** well some people are into that shit

 **brother broken legs:** okay to make dallon feel better ill admit this   
i once pissed myself on purpose to see what it felt like

 **mik:** okay tre thanks for sharing  
now lets stop sharibg and be nice normal high school kids  
ryan how are u

 **rayn:**  im good i was just laughing at dallon pissing himself

 **daddy long legs:** i didnt piss myself i pissed ON myself  
there is a difference 

 **rayn:** either way u ended up covered in ur own piss so....

 **daddy long legs:** ryan eat a lemon

 **josé:** DALLON OH  MY GOD U CANT SAY THAT

 **billo:** oh yeah ryan im sorry for accidentally throwing 200 lemons at u

 **frogpan:** me too  
sorry for almost killing u

 **rayn:** oh yea i have some news  
the doctors told me i was dead when they brought me in but they managed to save me  
i was dead for 6 and a half minutes  
billie and frank literally killed me

 **billo:** oh my god me and frank are murderers???  
can we go to jail for this

 **frogpan:** lol i hope not

 **billo:** hey me and ryan can make a "legally died for a few minutes club"  
and me and frank can make a "literally murdered a person once" club

 **brother broken legs:** and me and dallon can make a "pissed my pants on time" club

 **daddy long legs:** trE FUCK   
THE ABUSe

 

 **\- daddy long legs** left **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **brendon with techron:** hes still in the stall lmao he wont come out  
he said hell only go to class if i go to his house and bring him clean pants

 **mik:** okay thats a good idea  
but  
new principal tywin is so goddamn strict hell  prob give u 54 weeks of detetntion if he catches u

 **brendon with techron:** its okay il be sneaky sneak

 **mik:** the last tiem u said that u kicked the old principals door in and stole a phone and got arrested

 **brendon with techron:** we all make mistakes  
wait fuck i cant go to his house

 **mom:** why not

 **brendon with techron:** his parents dont like me lmao oops

 **milky:** honestly im not surprised   
what did u do to make them not like u

 **brendon with techron:** i dont remember i wss high but dallon said i climbed through his window in the middle of the night and screamed for 3 minutes straight and then grabbed a load of food from his fridge and left

 **rayn:** yeah i can see where that would annoy them

 **billo:** im already done with this so ill go get him clean pants

 

 **\- mik** added **daddy long legs** to **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **mik:** billies being nice and going to get u clean pants bc ur parents dont like brendon

 **daddy long legs:** ah yes bc of the screaming i remember 

 **brendon with techron:** hey i apologised to them didnt i

 **daddy long legs:** brendon u gave them a piece of paper that said "hey sorry i broke into ur house at night screamed rlly loud and stole ur food - xoxo dallons boyfriend"

 **a fucking vampire:** "xoxo dallons boyfriend" truly beautiful brendon :')

 **daddy long legs:** mY PARENTS DIDNT KNOW WE WERE DATING   
THEY DONT SUPPORT ANYTHING LBGT+   
DO U KNOW HOW MANY ARGUMENTS THAT CAUSED   
I HAD TO CONVINCE THEM U WERE FUCKING AROUND

 **brendon with techron:** wait so ur parenst STILL dont know ur gay  
and more importantly they dont know ur gay with me????

 **daddy long legs:** no and no

 **billo:** oH  
well  
this has taken a depressing turn  
ill save u dally

 **rayn:** ill be at school with u guys tomorrow   
the whole squad will be reunited :)

 **josé:** ha i just remembered i removed tyler 

 

 **\- josé** added **sour patch kid** to **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **sour patch kid:** finally jishwa   
what did i miss

 **frogpan:** u missed the story of brendon meeting dallons parents 

 **sour patch kid:** i can already tell that ended badly 

 **brendon with techron:** it did

 **mom:** also tre  did u know theres a rumor going arund that the old principal left bc he got caught sucking u off in a closet

 **brother broken legs:** its not a rumor if its true ;)

 **milky:** i am.... uncomfortable

 **billo:** dsllon how do i get into ur house

 **daddy long legs:** i would say knock on the door but i dont thnk my parenst will liek u either   
so   
idk  
climb throgh my bedroom window 

 **billo:** sure thing space cowboy 

 **mik:** why dont u give me nice nicknames like that   
im ur boyfriedn am i not

 **billo:** u have a nickname

 **mik:** "shithead" is not a nickname

 

 **\- frogpan**  changed **mik's**  nickname to **shithead**

 

 **shithead:** frANK I WIL COME INTO UR CLASS AND SHANK U 

 **frogpan:** pls do im stuck with mr turner agIAN

 **mom:** im already so lost idk what were doing help me

 **a fucking vampire:** ray i can see u and u look like u want to stab a bitch

 **mom:** i do

 **milky:** this morning my plan was to behave for at least 1 day  
but tre is making it very hard  
he keeps passing me notes and all theys say is dumb shit like "i will buy ur glasses for 2 goat"  
no tre i need my glasses im a blind motherfucker

 **brother broken legs:** mikeY  
pay attenion to me  
mikey  
MIKEY

 **milky:** tre omg u cant just scream my name in the middle of class what the fuck  
oh tre got kicked out   
bye

 **brother broken legs:** hA MKEY ALSO GOT KICKED OUT

 **a fucking vampire:** mikey im shooketh

 **milky:** i fuckOIJNG WHGDFR  
I WAVED AT TRE AS HE LEFT AND I GOT KICKED OUT FR IT

 **billo:** DALLON IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE MESS I MADE

 **daddy long legs:** its fine whatever u do brendons already done it 12 times

 **billo:** i fell through the window and landed on the desk and broke it s o r r y

 **daddy long legs:** um there isnst a desk in my room???  
oh my GOD BILLIE U CLIMBED THROUGH THE WRONG WINDOW UR IN MY OARENTS ROOM GET OUT G E T O U T

 **brendon with techron:** rip billie 2k17

 **rayn:** #ripbillie2017

 **shithead:** billIE JESUS 

 **billo:**  IVE BROUGHT SHAME ON TH EFAMILY IM OSRYY

 **brother broken legs:** "osryy"

 **milky:** wow this day is already WILD  
ryan came back to life  
dallon pissed himself  
billie wrecked a house

 **billo:** oh my GOD DALLON UR PARENTS ARE LOUD THEYRE SHOUTING  
I LOCKED MYSELF IN UR ROOM  
oh rad u have a bass

 **daddy long legs:** yes dont touch it

 **billo:** im bring it with me back to school

 **daddy long legs:** bAILEY DONT

 **shithead:** bailey   
what the fuck dallon

 **rayn:** bailey 

 **daddy long legs:** yes yes everyone knows i cant fucking spell shut up

 **a fucking vampire:** jesus christ ur in a shitty mood today

 **mom:** yea dall who pissed on ur birthday cake

 **daddy long legs:** i pissed on my birthday cake  
except it wasnt a birthday cake it was myself 

 **frogpan:** oh wow i didnt know it was ur birthday  
happy birthday dallon

 **milky:** wha  
is ist dallns birtdhay   
happy birthday 

 **frogpan:** everyoe say happy birthday to dallon

 **sour patch kid:** happy birtdhay

 **rayn:** happy birthday dallojn!!

 **daddy long legs:** hahaHA u guys can all fuck urselves 

 

 **\- daddy long legs** left **the legend of foghorn frank**

 

 **mom:** oh 

 

 **\- shithead** renamed the group **happy birthery dallon**

 

 **rayn:** "birthery"

 **shithead:** hey someone has to be iliterare now dallons left the squad

 **brendon with techron:** he didnt leave the squad he left the chat

 **sour patch kid:** leave the chat leave the squad  
rip dallon hes dead and gone byeee

 **brendon with techron:** tyrant i will CUT u  
tyrannosaurus   
w h a t im wheezing  
*tyler

 

 **\- frogpan**  changed **sour patch kid's**  nickname to **tyrant**

 

 **\- brother broken legs**  changed **billo's**  nickname to **bill bailey**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** whos bill bailey

 **brother broken legs:** Mark Robert "Bill" Bailey (born 24 February 1964) is an English comedian, musician, actor, TV and radio presenter and author.

 **tyrant:** i would fuck bill bailey

 **josé:** ty i think u misspelled josh

 **tyrant:** no i didnt??

 **josé:** </3

 **bill bailey:** honestly fuCK u guys and ur duMB CHAT  
i juet fell out of dallons window bc i stopped to read the messages

 **brendon with techron:** i just realized im a terrible boyfriend lmao  
dallons not even fucking about hes so mad right now and im on the floor laughing

 **shithead:** its okat whenever billies in a bad mood i also laigh bc he tries so hard to be mean but hes like 5 feet tall 

 **bill bailey:** when mikes in a bad mood i laugh bc one time he punched a wall like a typical white boy   
i think he expected to brak the wall but all he did was break his hand and then he couldnt jack off and i refused to jack him off and it was so funny

 **shithead:** u see billie  
this is why people call u things like goblin and gremlin   
bc ur a fuckiNAG ASSHOEL

 **bill bailey:** calm down mike  
dont punch a wall again

 **shithead:** dallon had a good idea when he left   
i think ill take his advie

 

 **\- shithead** left **happy birthery dallon**

 

 **frogpan:** can people stop leaving oh my god  
u can tell schools back everyones hostile and angry  
i will fix

 

 **\- frogpan** added **daddy long legs** to **happy birthery dallon**

 

 **\- frogpan** added **shithead** to **happy bithery dallon**

 

 **frogpan:** dallon stop being a grumpy shit  
mike also stop being a grumpy shit

 **bill bailey:** dallon ur back congratulations  
ur parents are very mean i do not like 

 **brendon with techron:** see dall im not the only one who thinks ur parents are dicks

 **daddy long legs:** u werent the only one anyway  
i also think my parents are dicks  
anyway billie hurry up be my savior 

 **bill bailey:** yea about that  
i brought ur bass but i forgot clean pants   
lol sorry

 **a fucking vampire:** at least u brought his bass

 **brother broken legs:** life hack: if u piss on urself and only have a bass just carry ur bass in front of ur crotch so no one notices 

 **tyrant:** tre is so wisdom wow

 **mom:** "tre is so wisdom" what

 **rayn:** i have a better idea: u guys all ditch school and come see me in my hospital bed im bored and alone  
billie and frank owe it to me considering they actually murdered me

 **brendon with techron:** *manslaughter  
it was accidental 

 **frogpan:** or was it..????

 **rayn:** on second thought u guys can just stay where u are im fine on my own


	73. fuck off i was dead

**mom:** new principal tywin can suck my dick if he thinks im gonna hand my phone in before school and get it at the end  
seriously who even does that

 **brother broken legs:** ray back off   
new principal tywin is my sugar daddy

 **tyrant:** is that rlly a new rule  
bc if so ill just stay home 

 **josé:** tyler u cant stay home again wtf  
were a week into the year and u were only in for 2 days

 **tyrant:** still better than ryan who hasnt been in AT ALL

 **rayn:** fuck off i was dead

 **bill bailey:** hey at least u came back some people dont get that privilege 

 **a fucking vampire:** oH YEAH I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION  
ryan what happened when u died

 **rayn:** well  
it felt kind of like i was waking up froma rlly good sleep  
and i stood up and saw my own body which was kind of disturbing   
and i walked outside the room saw u guys all sitting in the waiting room and i was rlly sad about leaving u guys  
and i wanted to speak to u but there was like a invisisble wall blocking me idk  
but then i got this weird feeling like i had to be somewhere rlly soon??  
so i went back into where my body was and then i woke up for real and the doctors were like "congrats ur alive"

 **milky:** "congarts ur alive" 

 

 **\- brother broken legs** renamed the group **congrats ur alive**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** billie what happened when u died i forgot to ask u

 **bill bailey:** well i died  
and i was some sort of ghost it was so fucking cool   
like i could go through walls and stuff   
and i could touch stuff but people couldnt see me like i knocked over a trash can and broke someones phone lmao it was wild they were screamming   
but then suddenly there was a flash of white light and i woke up with a load of doctors staring at me 

 **brendon with techron:** i love that  
ryan: calmly walks around...feels bad about leaving us... tries to make contact  
billie: floats through walls... breaks stuff... causes general chaos... doesnt even think about his friends

 **frogpan:** tag urself im billie

 

 **\- josé**  changed **frogpan's**  nickname to **billie**

 

 **milky:** i dont think u should do that josh  
remember when everyones nickname got changed to dallon and it was jist rlly weird no lets not 

 **daddy long legs:** hey i liked that  
it was like having a mini army of me 

 **josé:** fINe jesUs chSIRSt

 

 **\- josé**  changed **billie's**  nickname to **frank wank**

 

 **frank wank:** 10/10 i like it

 **tyrant:** u know what  
i will come into school  
if new principal tywin tries to take my phone ill literally swalloe it 

 **mom:** gr7 idea tyler 

 **shithead:** "gr7" 

 **mom:** yea it measn the idea was gr8 but not that gr8 u feel me

 **shithead:** i swear people have got meaner this year  
ive been here for 10 minutes and ive already been called fag 3 times

 **bill bailey:** ill fight them all

 **shithead:** no ur already in trouble for breaking the vending machine

 **bill bailey:** okay but i didnt break it i just stole stuff from it  
brendon broke it

 **brendon with techron:** fuck off billie

 **bill bailey:** duck my dick

 **brendon with techron:** sure bby ;)

 **brother broken legs:** "duck my dick"

 **bill bailey:** duck my dick suck my dick whatever 

 **brendon with techron:** ill duck AND suck ur dick if u want 

 **daddy long legs:** uHm breNDoN CaN u mAyEb nOT?

 **tyrant:** can u maybe not type in random caps pls it hurts my eyes

 **daddy long legs:** cAn U mAyBe NoT tYpE iN rAnDom CaPs PlS iT hUrTs My EyEs

 

 **\- tyrant** removed **daddy long legs** from **congrats ur alive**

 

 **brendon with techron:** tyler u fucko thast my boyfriend 

 

 **\- brendon with techron** removed **tyrant** from **congrats ur alive**

 

 **\- milky** renamed the group **tyler u fucko**

 

 **\- a fucking vampire** renamed the group **FUCKO**

 

 **milky:** gerard why

 **josé:** honestly brendon i love how ur mad that tyler removed dallon but u dont add dallon back u just remove  tyler

 

 **\- josé** removed **brendon with techron** from **FUCKO**

 

 **mom:** as the mom of u little shits i demand u stOP whatever the fuck is going on and stop removing people

 

 **\- mom** added **daddy long legs** to **FUCKO**

 

 **\- mom** added **tyrant** to **FUCKO**

 

 **\- mom** added **brendon with techron** to **FUCKO**

**frank wank:** ARE U FUCKING SERIOUS IM STUCK WITH MR TURNER AGAIN IM GONNA FUCKING STAB SOMEONE IN A MINIUET

 **brother broken legs:** frank is okay im in class with u we can steal his wig 

 **frank wank:** gr9 idea

 **shithead:** wait whas gr9

 **frogpan:** its when the idea is so gr8 it becomes gr9

 **josé:** saying gr9 is gr1  
aka not gr8 at all

 **frank wank:** josh ur face is gr1

 **josé:** tyler u have to fight frank to defend me its the law

 **a fucking vampire:** josh that means i have to fight u its the law

 **brendon with techron:** i want to fight someone

 **rayn:** brendon no 

 **brendon with techron:** shut up ryro u cant tell me what to do

 **rayn:** ryro  
i like that

 **brendon with techron:** ur welcome bby <3

 

 **\- rayn**  changed their own nickname to **ryro**

 

 **brendon with techron:** anyway  
dallon fight me

 **daddy long legs:** no   
im in class  
im actyally behaving   
leave me alone

 **mom:** that would be an accomplishment but u dont rlly cause trouble anyway 

 **ryro:** "dallon doesnt cause trouble" ray what drugs are u on 

 **a fucking vampire:** ray do u remember when he almost got us all arrested bc he fell through the roof of that warehouse and the alarsm went off

 **mom:** okay but hes not as bad as certain people aka billie and brendon

 **bill bailey:** i feel personally attcked  
im not as bad as brendon what the fuck

 **shithead:** no offence billie but u kind of are (ur probably worse tbh)

 **brendon with techron:** okay well thast it   
teh rules say me and billie have to get married now 

 **shithead:** okay well thats not happeneing

 **brendon with techron:** shut up mike who are u to get in the way of true love  
billie completes me  
i love him <3

 **shithead:** n o p e

 

 **\- shithead** removed **brendon with techron** from **FUCKO**

 

 **bill bailey:** such a macho man ily mick

 **shithead:** u dont love me enough to remember my damn name

 

 **\- bill bailey**  changed **shithead's**  nickname to **mick**

 

 **mick:** well its betetr than being called shithead ig

 **mom:** im so bored im literally coounting how many pens i can hide in my hair what has my life become

 **tyrant:** why does school seem even shittier this year what the fuck i want to go home im gonna murder someone

 **ryro:** same tyler same

 **daddy long legs:** i vote everyone shuts the fuck up before i egt my phone taken away 

 **frank wank:** put it on silent 

 **a fucking vampire:** franks such a smart boi i love him 

 **milky:** why is everyone so gay today jesus 

 

 **\- ryro** renamed the group **gay day**

 

 **bill bailey:** mikey were gay everyday 

 **tyrant:** at the weekend we should throw a sick ass party

 **josé:** the last party we had ended with ryan literally dying 

 **ryro:** its okay i can die again if u want

 **daddy long legs:** but what id u dont come back thus time

 **ryro:** i cannot die again

 **a fucking vampire:** yES LETS ALL GET SHITFACED DRUNK   
THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVER HAD TYERL

 **frank wank:** drunk me is the best me

 **daddy long legs:** CAN U ALL SHUT UP jesus christ

 **ryro:** PUT  
UR  
PHONE  
ON   
SILENT

 **daddy long legs:** I DID ITS STILL VIBRATING 

 **brother broken legs:** is it turning u on ;)

 **daddy long legs:** yes of course it is tre i have a raging boner in class right now

 **milky:** dallon fuck ur phone

 **mom:** dallon dont fuck ur phone

 

 **\- brother broken legs** added **brendon with techron** to **FUCKO**

 

 **brother broken legs:** hey brendon dallons gonna fuck his phone 

 **brendon with techron:** record it and send it to me

 **tyrant:** brendon.... what the fuck

 **daddy long legs:** how can i record it while im fucking it

 **frank wank:** so ur admitting ur gonna fuck ur phone

 **daddy long legs:** nO oh my god   
im not fucking my phone

 

 **\- milky**  changed **daddy long legs's**  nickname to **phone fucker**

 

 **brendon with techron:** dallon loves his phone now i guess me and him are over  
hey ryan wanna fuck

 **ryro:** brendon thats not even funny wtf  
and didnt u confess ur love for billie like 5 minutes ago

 **mick:** brendon dont even think about it

 **bill bailey:** its okay bren we can be secret lovers ;)

 **phone fucker:** i dont like this conversation

 **a fucking vampire:** confirmed: brendon billie and ryan are all in some sort of orgy cult thing

 **josé:** okay be honest  
that would be hot as fuck

 **tyrant:** josh ur not supposed to encourage them what the hell 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this is but hey whatever enjoy


	74. billie and mikes graveyard adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have a fuck ton of stuff written but I don't like some of it so you might get a lot of updates this week, you might not. Also, who's ready for more drama??

**bill bailey:** hello friends  
last night i became a ghost sighting

 **ryro:** excuse me  
dont u jave to be dead for that  
wha t

 **bill bailey:** i was dead once  
but no i am alive and im still a ghost sighting

 **mick:** billie pls dont tell this story again im already cringing it was so emarrassing omg

 **phone fucker:** well now u have to tell us its the rules

 **bill bailey:** dont u worry daldo i will  
but lets wait for the whole squad to assemble

 **brendon with techron:** "daldo" 

 **phone fucker:** i know whats coming  
its better than phone fucker at least

 

 **\- tyrant**  changed **phone fucker's**  nickname to **daldo**

 

 **daldo:** ive accepted my fate

 **bill bailey:** um dallon im happy ur finding urself but shut the fuck up 

 **mick:** biLLIE BE NICE

 **bill bailey:** I WANT TO TELL MY STORY OF HOW I BECAME A GHOST SIGHTING 

 **josé:** im ready

 **brother broken legs:** promotion

 

 **\- milky** removed **brother broken legs** from **FUCKO**

 

 **milky:** no spongebob quotes in the chat   
tre can come back when he learns to behave

 **frank wank:** hi this is tre i stole frnals phone  
mikey u lil bicth fist fight me right now  
frank agaon  
pls dont fight tre 

 **a fucking vampire:** see mikey  
see what u caused 

 **milky:** i stand by what i said  
NO SPONGEBOB QUOTES IN THE CHAT

 

 **\- frank wank** added **brother broken legs** to **FUCKO**

 

 **frank wank:** that wasnt me btw that was tre 

 **brother broken legs:** mikey dont fuck with me i stg

 **mom:** how did billie become a ghost sighting exactly 

 **bill bailey:** im waiting for u all to be quiet

 **josé:** well everyones here now so   
go ahead

 **mick:** pls dont omg ill cry 

 **bill bailey:** it started off as harmless sex in a graveyard

 **a fucking vampire:** pls tell me u didnt do that

 **bill bailey:** we didnt not do that

 **mom:** okay thats disrespectful

 **bill bailey:** hey i cant choose where i get a boner

 **mick:** im going to leave the chat until this is over 

 

 **\- mick** left **FUCKO**

 

 **bill bailey:** so we were fucking in a graveyard  
i was naked as fuck  
and suddenly mike started freaking out bc he thought he could see someone  
and i was like yea sure whatever continue  
but he was like no rlly theres someone there  
and suddenly this voice is like "u kiddos better not be fucking in there"  
and honestly i kind of panicked??? and ran away   
i was n a k e d  
and there were people walking past and i was fucking standing there naked in the light from the streetlight   
and i thought they were gonna laugh but no they all started screaming and freaked out bc they thought i was a ghost :)

 

 **\- bill bailey** added **mick** to **FUCKO**

 

 **bill bailey:** i told the story u can come back now 

 **mick:** i hate u 

 **mom:** billie   
as ur mother i feel i need to tell u to not have sex in a graveyard  
and also to not run around naked wtf what kind of psycho are u

 **tyrant:** honestly   
graveyard sex sounds hot  
josh?

 **josé:** ;)

 **milky:** guys  
i am a small innocent child  
s t o p

 **frank wank:** mikey way protection squad

 

 **\- brother broken legs** renamed the group **mikey way protection squad**

 

 **a fucking vampire:** mikey if ur a small innocent child then im a fucking plastic bag

 **frank wank:** do u ever feel  
like a plastic bag

 **daldo:** do u ever feel  
like gerard way

 **tyrant:** someone rename gerard vampirebag  
u know  
like vampire bat but bag

 **a fucking vampire:** no one rename me

 

 **\- brendon with techron**  changed **a fucking vampire's**  nickname to **vampirebag**

 

 **vampirebag:** brendon i said no

 **brendon with techron:** i cannot read suddenly

 **daldo:** oh no its spreading

 **ryro:** i love how were all pleasantly ignoring billie and mikes graveyard adventure

 

 **\- josé** renamed the group **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **mick:** this is abuse

 **bill bailey:** shut up u liked it

 **frank wank:** so would u reccomend graveyard sex

 **bill bailey:** yES ITS SO GOOD

 **brendon with techron:** hey dall guess what were doing later

 **daldo:** no way im not getting possessed bc i nutted on a grave again

 **tyrant:** what

 **frank wank:** "again"

 **daldo:** i dont wanna talk about it it was like 3 years ago 

 **brendon with techron:** well damn  
hey ryan  
wanna have sex in a graveyard later

 **daldo:** brendon... what?

 **mom:** the real question here is  
why was dallon having sex in a graveyard when he was like 13  
shouldnt u be playing with legos at that age

 **brother broken legs:** i shoved a lego piece up my ass when i was 13

 **mom:** that... doesnt even surprise me

 **brendon with techron:** wait did u legit get possessed 

 **daldo:** im no longer taking questions   
opening hours are between 9am and 5pm  
u can make an appointment if u want and ill get back to u tomorrow

 **bill bailey:** but its only 12 

 

 **\- daldo** left **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **brendon with techron:** well dallon can fuck off  
ryan u never answered my question  
wanna fuck in a graveyard later?

 **mick:** brendon idk if anyones ever told u but if ur boyfriend doesnt wanna have sex u cant just go ask someone else

 **ryro:** brendon no i dont wanna get possessed

 **mom:** brnedon whats up with u  
whts ur obsession with ryan 

 **brendon with techron:** ryans hot   
i love ryan <3

 **ryro:** stop ur with alan   
*dallon 

 **tyrant:** ALAN IM SCREAMING  
actually no im not im in class that would be innapropriate 

 **milky:** u guys know that picture of the red banana that just says "what" underneath it  
thats me rigth now  
im in math

 **brother broken legs:** hold on  
go ahead  
w̢̰͖͔̼̪̯̱͕̼͘͟ḩ̛͍͔͉̹̗̖͖͙̘̘̗̫̰͠a̛͏̘̫͍̳̘͕͡t̷̺̮̱̠̮̗̠̕͜

 **frank wank:** our father who art in heaven give is the strength to not slap tre right now

 **vampirebag:** frank please never speak like that again ever

 **ryro:** š̩̻͍̱ ̼̺͉͓̳̏̇͂̆p͐ͭ ̝̬̮o͈̟̬̝͔̮͌ͫͣͤ̾̓ ̻̖͈̗̮̿ͤo̳̜̗͚ ̩ͦͨ͌̄̾k͕̪̥ ͇͇̂̒̓̽͂̓y̹̭̾͐ͮ

 **mick:** i can alread tell this is gonna end with the government and satan   
tre and ryan ill remove u if i continue

 **ryro:** ṷͯ̔̑̈r̩̣͕̖̗̫ͧ̊ ̥̳̻ͣj̞̏ͫͭù̬̲̞̋̎̏ͬ̈́s̪̺͔̥͓͚͗́ͮͫ̂͗͐t̺̝ͧͭ̃̔̎ͤ ͍̹̂̐̒̎ͣͩś̭͓̭̖̠̩̠̑̃ͩ̚a̤̪l̙̙̭̤͚͓t̙̩̠͓y̹̖̜ͦ̃͋ͅ

 **mick:** i am not salty i am a god fearing christian boy

 **brother broken legs:** i͙̹s̼̭ͭ̓́̚ ͇͓̣̰̭̲t͍̣̲̃h̩̼̬̙̯͓̝ḁ̲ͯt͕͆͆̐ͫ̃̈ ͉̝̦̥̈̌ͥͬͮ̓s̟̺͉̬̳͇̺͒ͬl͐̐̂a̩̯͉̼͂̑̓̔͛̾͐n͉̤̹͉̰̩̠͊g͈̩̻͍͔̃̅̿ͦ ̘̫͍̥̙͇̇͗́ͬ̓f̮̞͔̘̩̈ͯͣȏr͗ ̤͚̲̣͙̄ͮ͊̃s̭͇͖̖̭̦͐̆̄ͪͥ̚ả̜̳̭͖̀́ͮ̎ͅl̚t͖y̭̮̟̹̰̜͈̾ͮͭ?̓?̖͍̯̘̺̬ͮ͑̃̀̇

 **mick:** okay so ryan and tre and Fucknuts™ and they are no longer welcome here

 

 **\- mick** removed **ryro** from **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **\- mick** removed **brother broken legs** from **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **milky:** our squad is 3 down what a tragedy

 **brendon with techron:** with both ryan and dallon gone who can i turn my affections to now

 **vampirebag:** how about instead of being a dick u go and talk to ur boyfriend who is actually upset right now

 **brendon with techron:** why is he upset  
also im not being a dick

 **vampirebag:** hes upset bc ur being a massive dick 

 **frank wank:** i agree :/  
brendon u need to sort ur shit out boi

 **mom:** why can we not have a nice normal chat  
why do people have to complicate things 

 **milky:** thats called high school ray 

 **brendon with techron:** how am i being a dick what the fuck

 **bill bailey:** ur being flirty with ryan

 **brendon with techron:** am i not allowed to do that

 **bill bailey:** noT WHEN UR IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH DALLON NO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BRENDON

 **brendon with techron:** JESUS DONT YELL 

 **mick:** brendon listen  
do u remember what happened last time  
do u remember the war it started  
do u remember the trouble it caused

 **mom:** this has gone from funny story to drama very quickly and i do not like

 **milky:** i like a lot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **\- milky** added **daldo** to **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **\- milky** added **brother broken legs** to **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **\- milky** added **ryro** to **billie and mikes graveyard adventure**

 

 **vampirebag:** mikey oh my god

 **tyrant:** i got myself kciked out of class to read tha drama u guys better deliver

 **daldo:** theres drama?  
how  
i was gone for like 2 seconds 

 **bill bailey:** in short brnedon is a fuckwit and u should get urself a decent boyfriend 

 **brendon with techron:** bILLIE U FUCKING GREMLIN

 **bill bailey:** DONT CALL ME GREMLIN I SWEAR TO GOD

 **mick:** okAYY BEFORE THIS GETS OUT OF HAND AND PEOPLE START HITTING ECH OTHER AND WHATEVER  
BOTH OF U SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST S T O P BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT AND WE ALL END UP IN TROUBLE AGAIN  
brendon that was mainly aimed at u but billie pls dont make thinsg worse

 **vampirebag:** mikey lok what ur causing with ur addiction to drama

 **milky:** i know its gr10

 **frank wank:** gr10????

 **milky:** even gr8er than gr9

 **frank wank:** o

 **josé:** tyler the dramas over come back to class

 **tyrant:** as the good lord once said: no

 **brendon with techron:** mike shut up oh my god 

 **mick:**?????? what did i do

 **mom:** please  
no  
not again

 **ryro:** this chat causes so much pain and troube why are u even still in it

 **brother broken legs:** its an addiction  
we cant stop 

 **daldo:** actually before the drama ends  
brendon i have 1 questipn  
why are u such a whore

 **tyrant:** thIS IS THE DELIVERY I WAS EXPECTING YES

 **josé:** calm down ur literally gonna nut over a slight domestic 

 **bill bailey:** i agree with dlalo brendon is a whore

 **mick:** bILLIE UR NOT EVEN HELPING RIGT NOW

 **bill bailey:** YES I AM IM HELPING DALLON REALIZE HE CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN BRENDON

 **brendon with techron:** i feel so attacked right now  
buT WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GREMLIN KID THINK HE IS 

 **mick:** brenDON STOP

 **vampirebag:** i cant deal anymore  
jesus fuckng shit holy mitherfucking chrst

 **frank wank:** this is happening so fast its like when u reach the final level of a videogame and everything is ridiculously hard and u cant keep up and u try ur best but u just cant compete at that level and then eventually ur performance begins to slip and u know deep in ur heart ur gonna lose but ur not ready to give up so u hold on for as long as u can and u still t r y even though ur so tired and ur beaten down and u can barely even stand u still try as hard as u can bc ur a fighter u have always been a fighter u cant let them win not like this so u gather all ur strength for the last battle and u give it ur all and u do everything within ur power to win but u can see how bad ur losing bc u know ur not good enough u never were good enough it was all a lie u were never going to win anyway  
sometimes its best just to give up before it goes too far

 **milky:** damn frank who hurt u

 **frank wank:** super mario sunshine hurt me


	75. welcome to mount pubic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brallon drama is coming... again

**milky:** JUST A WARNING TO ANYONE WHO COMES OVER  
GERARD AND FRANK ARE DOING THE SEXUAL IN THE BATHROOM   
THEY ARE SO LOUD ITS GROSS MY INNOCENT EARS HAVE BEEN TAINTED

 **bill bailey:** they r consenting adults  
well  
consenting children

 **mom:** mikey didnt u fuck pete wentz when u were like 12

 **milky:** shuT  
but yea if any of u fuckheads are planning to come over BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL

 

 **\- brother broken legs** renamed the group **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **tyrant:** arent we suppose to be having a rad partty tonight  
bc i think that involves us coming over

 **milky:** why is it always our house  
lets go to someone elses house

 **josé:** i vote tylers house

 **tyrant:** i do not vote tylers house  
my house is too clean for our escapades 

 **ryro:** im coming as long as theres no lemons involved   
dying once was enough for me

 **bill bailey:** honestly me and ryan are death buddies

 **mick:** billie do not  
thats sounds spooky

 **brendon with techron:** well its almost halloween so

 **milky:** its still september

 **brendon with techron:** like i said its almost halloween

 **vampirebag:** why is the chat named beware of the sexual  
miKEY U TOLD TEHEM?

 **milky:** i have to get this stuff off my chest every now and then or ill be in therapy for years

 **frank wank:** we all overshare here anyway so idc  
yep me and gerard had The Sex™ 

 **mom:** yall might be weird kinky shits but i dont like hearing about my friends sexual experiences 

 **vampirebag:** franks laying on my bed and he looks like a snacc

 

 **\- ryro** removed **vampirebag** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **mom:**????

 **ryro:** he said sn*cc  
cursed word  
im blockibg him 

 **milky:** ryan no 

 **brendon with techron:** whats wrong with gerard appreciating and loving and praising his boyfriend

 **bill bailey:**  something u dont know how to do...

 **mick:** biLLIE DO NOT

 **frank wank:** ryan add him badk wtf

 **ryro:** only if he promisises to never say sn*cc again ever

 **frank wank:** he promises

 

 **\- ryro** added **vampirebag** to **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **vampirebag:** hey ryan  
frank looks like a snacc

 **ryro:** I WILL REPORT U

 

 **\- vampirebag** removed **ryro** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- brendon with techron added ryro** to **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- brendon with techron** removed **vampirebag** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- frank wank** added **vampirebag** to **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- vampirebag** removed **brendon with techron** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- ryro** added **brendon with techron** to **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 

 **mom:** as son as i get to ur house im strabgling all of u

 

 **\- mom** removed **ryro** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- mom** removed **brendon with techron** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- mom** removed **vampirebag** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **\- mom** removed **frank wank** from **BEWARE OF THE SEXUAL**

 

 **milky:** ray doesnt fuck around  
hes such a good mom

 **bill bailey:** wait  
wheres dallon  
he hasnt been here all day  
someone find him

 **brother broken legs:** more important request: someone rename me my legs are no lomnger broken

 

 **\- tyrant**  changed **brother broken legs's**  nickname to **father fixed legs**

 

 **josé:** i juST INHALED RLLY HARD AND SWALLOWED MY NOTES TYLER WHY WOULD U DO THAT

 **tyrant:** what notes

 **josé:** im studying like a good student

 **father fixed legs:** why the hell would u do that

 **josé:** idk lmao i just wated to see what its like

 **tyrant:** the real question here is  
why were ur notes in ur mound

 **milky:** joshs mound

 **josé:** mikey behave   
that sounds weird  
i do not have a mound

 **mom:** what even is a mound

 **bill bailey:** isnt that something do with a vagina

 **mick:** um no??

 **bill bailey:** yea it is  
its the mound  
mount pubic   
or something

 **tyrant:** do u mean mons pubis

 **bill bailey:** yes  
i call it the mound

 **mom:** im literally going to cry i cant do this 

 **mick:** BILLIE "THE MOUND" ISNT EVEN PART OF THE VAGINA WHAT

 **bill bailey:** IM SORRY IVE NEVER SEEN A REAL LIFE VAGINA

 **milky:** what are u gay or something  
hey everyones billies gay

 **bill bailey:** shut up so are u

 **milky:** im bi actually  
but yea  
like 50% gay

 **mom:** did mikey just come out to us  
i think mikey just came out to us  
congratulations 

 **milky:** thank

 **josé:** im still physically sobbing over billie calling mons pubis "mount pubic"

 **tyrant:** hi welcome to mount pubic

 

 **\- father fixed legs** renamed the group **welcome to mount pubic**

 

 **mick:** mount pubic: population 0 bc were all gay as fuck

 **mom:** mike i think guys have mounds as well

 **mick:** i do not have a mound

 **mom:** i said i think

 **father fixed legs:** has any of us ever been to a sex education class ever  
shoudnt they teach us this stuff

 **tyrant:** inagine billie teaching a sex ed class  
"and here we have mount pubis or as i like to call it: t h e  m o u n d"

 **father fixed legs:** welcome to the mound can i interest u in a refreshing beverage 

 **mick:** im calling it: tres  gonna open a bar and call it the mound

 **mom:** u can tell how off the rails we get when the other 5 arent here to keep us in line

 **milky:** ray its usually us keeping them in line what

 **mom:** the moral of this story is  
when half of us are taken away the other half start talking about vaginas 

 **bill bailey:** i wodner what the otehr half are talking about

 **milky:** i can hear gerard talking on the phone to ryan  
he keep saying snacc and ryans just screaming 

 **father fixed legs:** yea this is boring now im adding every1 back

 

 **\- father fixed legs** added **vampirebag** to **welcome to mount pubic**

 

 **\- father fixed legs** added **brendon with techron** to **welcome to mount pubic**

 

 **\- father fixed legs** added **frank wank** to **welcome to mount pubic**

 

 **\- father fixed legs** added **ryro** to **welcome to mount pubic**

 

 **father fixed legs:** hi welcome to mount pubic otherwise known as the mound

 **ryro:** why did u have a whole conversation about vaginas

 **bill bailey:** it was a long winter we had nothing else to do

 **vampirebag:** ryan how dare u hang up on me

 **frank wank:** ryan thst just rude :/

 **ryro:** stop saying sn*cc 

 **vampirebag:** s  
n  
a  
c  
c

 **brendon with techron:** if u dudes want u can throw ur wild party at my house my parents aret home we wont egt yelled at  
also i have a fuck ton of alcohol and WEED  
sorry my phone corrects weed to WEED bc i usually type it in caps bc im usually excited 

 **frank wank:** druggo

 **bill bailey:** okay   
i have to say it bc no one else is  
where is dallon and why does no one care that hes not here

 **ryro:** IM DYING   
BRENDON READ DALLONS NAME AND MADE A FACE  
HE LOOKED SO DONE

 **bill bailey:** ur with brendon?

 **ryro:** no i can just magically tell what face he makes from 3 streets away  
ofc im with him

 **mick:** ryan the sass queen

 **bill bailey:** okAY BUT AM I RLLYTHE ONLY ONE WHO SEES SOMETHING WRONG W/ THIS

 **brendon with techron:** yes? thers literally nothing wrong with what were doing egt offf my dick gremlin

 **mom:** tbh  
brendpn is being kind of a dick

 **father fixed legs:** being a dick is part of brendons personality tho 

 **milky:** my phone died for a MINUTE and u guys are arguing again wtf

 **ryro:** what is so wrong with me hanging out with brendon

 **bill bailey:** am i the only one who sees whats happening here  
brendon is ignoring his boyfriend and not even noticing hes not here bc hes too busy hanging with the guy he cheated on him with

 **milky:** hEY I GOT YELLED AT WHEN I MENTIONED THE BRYALLON CLUSTERFUCK SOMEONE YELL AT BILLIE

 **mick:** NO ONE YELL AT BILLIE

 **bill bailey:** I WILL YELL AT MYSELF

 **mick:** BILLIE DO NOT

 **father fixed legs:** i see trE NO has gone out of style the new phrase is BILLIE DO NOT

 

 **\- frank wank** renamed the group **BILLIE DO NOT**

 

 **ryro:** hey put mount pubic back ii liked that

 **vampirebag:** im still laughing at "the mound"  
why is it funny some1 explain

 **milky:** bc ur literally 10

 **vampirebag:** im 11 so shut the fuck up

 **bill bailey:** well its nice to see none of u care aboust dallons feelings :)

 **ryro:** dallon doesnt feel feelings he said it himself  
and anyway why are u so fucking upset abt this its not like me and bren are fucking????

 **brendon with techron:** we could if u want to ;))))))))

 **bill bailey:** okay u know what buddy  
@dallon where tf are u come see what the shit fit is doing now  
hes being a cheating hoe again

 **brendon with techron:** are u serously calling me shit fit again u little gremlin

 **bill bailey:** if u can call me gremlin i can call u shit fit  
also u are a shit fit

 **mom:** someone change my nickname so i dont feel like i have to fix thinsg every time they fall apsrt  
and thinsg fall apart every fucking day here now

 

 **\- frank wank**  changed **mom's**  nickname to **anti mom**

 

 **anti mom:** what does that even mean

 **father fixed legs:** it means theres some wild incest going on somewhere if ur the aunt AND the mom

 **frank wank:** tre no  
it means rays the mom friend of teh group but he doesnt do anything the mom friend is supposed to   
so hes the anti mom friend

 **brendon with techron:** billie 1 question  
why do u suddenly hate me

 **bill bailey:** i dont hate u i just think ur being a major fuckstick right now  
u keep obviously flirting with ryan and its just fucked up why are u even doing it

 **brendon with techron:** is this any of ur business????  
no  
fuck the fuck off

 **josé:** u guys dallons seeing all these messages u know

 **tyrant:** hi dallon  
are u okay

 **daldo:** im done with this chat

 

 **\- daldo** left **BILLIE DO NOT**


	76. we are all fuckled up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this

**\- Frank Iero** created the group **#stopryden2017**

 

 **Frank Iero:** guys we have the biggest fucking problem since the last bryallon clusterfuck  
brendon is fuckingg full on MAKING OUT with ryan upstairs   
someone should stop them right  
guys  
ha fuck i just realized i didnt add anyone rip me   
why tf am i talking to myself

 

 **\- Frank Iero** added **Gerard Way** to  **#stopryden2017**

 

 **\- Frank Iero** added **Mikey Way** to  **#stopryden2017**

 

 **\- Frank Iero** added **Ray Toro** to  **#stopryden2017**

 

 

 **Frank Iero:** @ all of u: read my last message  
but ignore the last part

 **Gerard Way:** how drunk areu

 **Frank Iero:** only a little  
gerard pls focus  
bigger problems here

 **Mikey Way:** hey whys brendon makinb ourw wttdh ruan when he datbig dadlldon 

 **Frank Iero:** i can already tell ur way to shitfaced to help  
ray?

 **Ray Toro:** i just threw up in the pool 

 **Gerard Way:** ray brendon doesnt eveb have a ppool?

 **Ray Toro:** oh  
shit  
where te fucck am i then

 **Mikey Way:** doed any of u gsuys ever thinj sbout the futrtrttue an hwo wer allready pretty fuckled up

 **Gerard Way:** "fuckled up" 

 

 **\- Ray Toro** renamed the group **we are all fuckled up**

 

 **Frank Iero:** miley i will removf u if u contin bcing distracfitng 

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **miley**

 

 **miley:** waiu  
whered th erst of the sqad  
wher is my boiiii tre

 **Frank Iero:** tre is busy giving an unkneon stranger a lap danmce   
miked  
focus

 **Ray Toro:** wait frak why didu create a nw group

 **Frank Iero:** oh my GOD ray  
brendon and ryan are almosy fuckinggf and i had to telld u guys so w can sOTOP rhem and save dallno from any(more) heartbrseak

 

 **\- Gerard Way** renamed the group **sOTOP**

 

 **Gerard Way:** i drank oo much oh my ygod  
i think ima goona throw up in a minite

 **Frank Iero:** where even are u guyz

 **miley:** iDK

 **Gerard Way:** @ bernards house

 **miley:** lmao bernard

 **Gerard Way:** who  
im at brensons house

 **Frank Iero:** yea saMe   
we alls are i thikn

 **Ray Toro:** ia m soewhere with a swimmin pool

 **miley:** can i add 3

 **Frank Iero:** who

 **miley:** u knw  
tre  
i cal lhim 3 bc tre mean 3

 **Frank Iero:** no  
hell prnbably go tell dalon abot bendon & ryab

 **miley:** wjatabout brendon and ryaN

 **Frank Iero:** oh my gdo mikey  
pls do not  
garage conrol ur broethr

 

 **\- Ray Toro**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **garage**

 

 **garage:** what he fuck frank i thought u lovd me

 **Frank Iero:** no thats gay

 **garage:** u smell like alcohol and cigarets abd hiNESTLY its turbing me onn wha T

 **Frank Iero:** why r u text me whe n u are liteally rigth next to me

 **garage:** why did u tetxt back

 **Ray Toro:** i foun billie can i add billie hea wanst o be added

 **Frank Iero:** nO ray

 

 **\- Ray Toro** added **Billie Joe Armstrong** to **sOTOP**

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** HOLYS SHDHJIT DID U GUS SEE BWHAT BREDON AND RYAN AER DOIG   
yhey have TONGUE in ech others MOUTH

 **Frank Iero:** ray cna u not f0llow orders  
i sai dno billie  
fuck it am adding ty hes the only semi soeber [erson isee riht now

 

 **\- Frank Iero** added **Tyler Joseph** to **sOTOP**

 

 **miley:** whoa how long hads tyer been here

 **Tyler Joseph:** okay first of all how are u gusy even capable of typung right now  
also   
hAVE U SEEN WHAT SINFUL THINSG BRENDO AND RYAN AR DOING

 **Ray Toro:** lmao gerararard and frank have fone to have sex i thank

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** ty whwo are u no drink 

 **Tyler Joseph:** i dont feel like drinkin tonight  
i onlu came to keep an eye on jsh and also to see the brallon drama buut sadly dallon isnst here so

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** yea no dallons mAD at allo f us i thtnk

 **miley:** oh no

 **Ray Toro:**????

 **miley:** pepe is here

 **Tyler Joseph:** the meme?

 **miley:** not pepe  
peTE  
peter wentz

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** go getlaid mieky  
have fun  
be safe

 **miley:** sur thang daddyo

 **Tyler Joseph:** i dont htink i can handl u guys when ur this drunk  
wait is mikey literally going to fuck pete

 **Ray Toro:** yea  
mkey and pete hae a kind ot thing goibg on

 **Tyler Joseph:** okay but im like 98% sure petes with some dude called patrikc  
o h well  
u guys can sort this out tomorrow when ur all hungover and craving death

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** boy i alrady knOw tomrornw is fonan be a TRAINWRECK

 **Ray Toro:** shoukd 1 of us sort out brendon and ryan  
shoudld w e tel dallon

 **Tyler Joseph:** no dont tell him  
at leats not right now  
wait until everyones sober or someone will literally die tonight  
i know i came for the Drama™ but i dont want to witness a murder

 **garage:** am back  
have returned  
whos murdeirng who

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** why diD teh frOnt window jst braek 

 **Tyler Joseph:** oh my god who the fuck just drove a car into the front of brendons house  
oh my fucking god its josh  
i have to go immeditaely 

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph** left **sOTOP**

 

 **Frank Iero:** no :9  
wel lost our tokken sober persn

 **Ray Toro:** :9 is my favorite emojo

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** are u serious  
mike is literlay pased out in a BUSh  
he so cute i llloev him

 **miley:** gusy go leave right no go go go

 **Ray Toro:** mikey ur back  
did u have fun with pepe

 **garage:** why si pepe here

 **miley:** ys had f un   
but go now go  
the cops ar outsidE

 **Frank Iero:** out ht bck doorgo  gO

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** do u think moke will be ok ih the bush

 **Ray Toro:** ths was wiLD fom start to finish   
but now im tird nd sick and im gong home

 **garage:** same

 **miley:** SMAME

 **Frank Iero:** grard i coming to urhouse

 **garage:** more sex?

 **Frank Iero:** binfgo

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong** renamed the group **binfgo**


	77. the anti ryden club aka the violent orgy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this episode: Ray tries to fix things but makes things worse, Billie finds out about std and wants a divorce from the whole squad, and Brendon is an actual asshole
> 
> yes yes i know i am a terrible person

**\- Ray Toro**  added **Mikey Way, Gerard Way, Frank Iero, Tyler Joseph, Josh Dun, Bille Joe Armstong, Mike Dirnt, and Tré Cool** to  **the anti ryden club**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** first of all how dare u   
u DELETED our chat  
DELETED IT  
and then didnt make a new one for TWO WHOLE WEEKS  
ur lucky i didnt block ur ass

 **Mikey Way:** yes ray i agree what the fuck is up w/ that

 **Ray Toro:** do nto stress me out mijey  
i havent even began to sort out the brallon mess yet

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** oh yes  
i forgot about all that  
Fuck™

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **Mikey Way's**  nickname to **mijey**

 

 **mijey:** ayyy

 **Gerard Way:** ayyy  
u have to change mine now its the rules

 **mijey:** no

 **Tré Cool:** yall wanna hear a funny story??  
i got sent to the principal for setting my book on fire and he was like "what are u some kind of arsonist"  
and i was like no im an ASSonist ;)))  
and i sweAR TO FUCKING GOD he WINKED at me

 **Josh Dun:** um  
thats worrying considering ur  literally 15 and hes like 70

 **Tré Cool:** hey if i consent why does it matter

 **Frank Iero:** tre pls do not fuck the principal

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** im crying ray is literally staring at his phone making the "ill wait" face that teachers make

 **mijey:** ray honestly u should know by now we cant fix anything

 **Ray Toro:** yes ty mikey i fucking know we cant fix thiis but we need to do something

_**Frank Iero sent a photo to the anti ryden club** _

**Tyler Joseph:** okAY FRANK WHY  
I COME INTO THE CHAT AND THE FIRST THING I SEE IS A PENIS

 **Gerard Way:** fuccboi frank  
FUCCBOI FRANK

 

 **\- Gerard Way**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to **fuccboi frank**  

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** gerard audibly gasped when he got that idea and the teacher toold him to shut up ha get rekt

 **fuccboi frank:** oH MY GOD WRONG PHOTO ABORT ABORT ABORT

 **mijey:** FRANK STOP MAKING SIREN NOISES UR CAUSING A SCENE  
F R A N K   
U ARE LITERALLY YODELLING WHAT THE FUCK ST O P        

 **Gerard Way:** hey i appreciated the dick pic

 **fuccboi frank:** okay that was embarrassing lol lets pretend that didnt happen

 **Tyler Joseph:** ^^ me at any given moment

**_fuccboi frank sent a photo to the anti ryden club_ **

**Tré Cool:** hey look its us  
jesus how wrecked were we

 **Josh Dun:** tre u spelled rekt wrong  
no wait nvm   
i forgot rekt isnt an actual word 

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph**  changed **Josh Dun's**  nickname to **josh the living meme**

 

 **fuccboi frank:** that photo perfectly sums up billies life   
look at him aw  
screaming so hard hes turned red

 **Mike Dirnt:** why were u screaming tho

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** fuck if i know

 **Tré Cool:** it sums up my entire existence too  
i have a bunch of grapes in my hand a pen up my nose and im griding on some dude

 **josh the living meme:** thats not "some dude" thats spencer

 **Tré Cool:** who

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** hes one of brendons friends  
hes also the guy that mike called spanky pants and then he  got upset when he slapped him  
mike u remember

 **Mike Dirnt:** oh god i yes i remember that   
he has a hard slap

 **mijey:** mike im cRYINF why would u call him spanky pants

 **Mike Dirnt:** it sounded funnier in my head okay 

 **Ray Toro:** okay thats it yall have 2 minutes to pay attention or ill start removing ppl

 **Gerard Way:** oh my gOD RAY what d u want

 **Ray Toro:** I WANT U TO HELP ME DEAL WITH THE MESS BRENDON AND RYAN MADE

 **josh the living meme:** me and ty are still kinda new here so we dont know what to do  
what do u guys usually do to get out of a mess

 **mijey:** well usually we create an even bigger mess and the new mess cancels the old mess out  
like when mike cheated on billie with tre so gerard cheated on frank with billie and then everything was magically fixed

 **Mike Dirnt:** hey we dont talk about those times

 **Tyler Joseph:** so its kind of like when the billie drama was happening and we fixed it by literally kidnapping his step dad

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** wait what

 **Tyler Joseph:** whTA I DONT KNOW WHY ARE U ASKING ME  
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS GO AWAY I DIDNT DO IT I DONT KNOW  
IT WAS DALLONS IDEA BLAME HIM NOT ME F U C K O F F

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** WHAT WAS DALLONS IDEA  
WHAT DID U FUCKING DO

 **Tyler Joseph:** WE KNEW ABOUT UR STEP DAD AND WHAT HE WAS DOING AND WE WANTED TO HELP SO DALLON MADE A PLAN TO KIDNAP HIM AND WE DID IT  
IF U WANNA PUNCH ANYONE GO PUNCH DALLON OKAY LEAVE ME OUT OF IT

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong** left **the anti ryden club**

 

 **josh the living meme:** IM SCREECHING TYLER WHY 

 **Ray Toro:** tyler when i said i wanted u to help i didnt mean i wanted u tO FUCK UP SO BADLY WE MIGHT AS WELL ALL GET SHOT RIGHT NOW

 **fuccboi frank:** boiiii billies mad as hell he just walked past my class he looks so godDAMN ANGRY 

 **Mike Dirnt:** oh my god wheres he going  
tyler hes coming for u 

 **josh the living meme:** IM DECEASED OH MY FRICKING GOD  
TYLER JUST FUCKING YELLED "YEET" AND JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW

 **Gerard Way:** jessu is he okay

 **josh the living meme:** yea were not v high up he shoud live

 **mijey:** boiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
listen  
u guys  
billies not coming for tyler  
hes going to dallon   
WE NEE TO DAVE HIM FROM THE GOBLIN KINGS WRATH

 **Tré Cool:** "dave him"  
dave  
dildo dave  
damn i miss my day in prison with that dude

 **Gerard Way:** mikey do u not remember when billie and dallon got in a fight once before  
dallon almost killed him hell be fine

 **Mike Dirnt:** yea but billie wasnt actually pissed off that time  
im 90% sure hes pissed off now

 **josh the living meme:** summon rbrendon hell save him  
oh wait no   
shit

 **Ray Toro:** stab me with a spork i cannot deal

 **fuccboi frank:** okay mikey just practucally teleported to get to the drama i worr about that kid

 **mijey:** frank do not call me "that kid" i am a month older than u   
also i am fine but hOLY SHIT THIS IS W I L D

 **Tyler Joseph:** i almost killed myself and he wasnt even coming for me what bullshit  
but im hyped for the drama yes

 **Mike Dirnt:** i dont want anyone to get hurt but at the same time this is so damn exciting boyy

 **mijey:** im watching from a safe distnace i will keep u guys posted until u get here  
okay so billie just fucking walked into dallons class  
dallon looks confused and very sad

 **Gerard Way:** confused and sad is my aesthetic 

 **fuccboi frank:** same 

 **Tré Cool:** fran k and gerard are relationship goals holy shit  
but continue mikey

 **mijey:** mike why is ur boyfriend so damn loud   
control him  
keep him on a leash

 **Tré Cool:** kinky

 **Mike Dirnt:** trE

 **mijey:** hes yelling   
he is s c r e a m i n g  
i feel for dallon rn hes so confused and scared bless

 **Tyler Joseph:** mike pls stop ur boyfriend from committing actual murder  
again

 **Mike Dirnt:** tyler this is ur fault u fuck

 **mijey:** place ur bets folks whos gonna throw the first punch  
also brendons just watching he looks so damn awkward  
and ryan is just kind of hovering around like what

 **fuccboi frank:** lmao why did i just picture ryan floating around while everyone screams at each other  
wait does dallon know what brendon did yet

 **mijey:** no i dont think so but he looks mad about brendon being a flirty shithead  
which just makes this 200000x worse

 **Gerard Way:** im betting on billie he punches ppl a lot

 **josh the living meme:** yea same my moneys on billie

 **Ray Toro:** yea billie for sure

 **mijey:** hOLY FUCK I AM S NDYCUJK FUCKKC  
I AM SHAKING   
BILLIE U CANT DO THAT

 **Mike Dirnt:** that sentence is never good   
ig ill come tie him up or some shit

 **Tré Cool:** kinkyx2

 **Mike Dirnt:** trE STO P

 **Tyler Joseph:** mikey u cant send a sentence that good and  then not explain whats happening 

 **mijey:** i got too shook i couldnt typer sorry  
basically billie jumped up and headbutted dallon and dallon fell over and then billie started deSTROYING HIM and dallon managed to hit billie like 5 times but then FUCKING BRENDON CAME OUT OF NOWHERE and tackled billie and now theres some sort of violent orgy happening on the floor and the teacher just sighed and walked out  
ryans recording it

 

 **\- Tré Cool** renamed the group **the anti ryden club aka the violent orgy**

 

 **josh the living meme:** but why is brendon defending dallon  
and why isnt ryan defending brendon  
love triangles are Strange™

 **Ray Toro:** its not a love triangle josh  
its brendon and ryan being shitheads

 **Gerard Way:** wow  
dallon looks like he got mauled by a fucking bear  
mike are u sure billies human 

 **fuccboi frank:** hes not human hes the goblin king remember 

 **mijey:** aaaaaand billie brendon and dallon are the first ones to get suspended this year

 **Ray Toro:** im never trying to help ever again oh my god


	78. bijo tyjo and ryro: the holy tricycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen... this is probably a little fucked up and it might not make sense... but my laptop has crashed and lost all my shit the last 4 times I tried to update so..

**\- fuccboi frank** renamed the group **dick me down papi**

 

 **Gerard Way:** fRANK DONT U DDARE

 

 **\- fuccboi frank**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **papi**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** i have some mild concerns

 **papi:** he keeps calling me papi even tho its gross and cringy

 **mijey:** wow thanks i rlly needed to know that 

 **fuccboi frank:** liar liar plants for hire  
u almost nutted the first time i called u papi

 **papi:** FERNK

 

 **\- Tyler Joseph**  changed **fuccboi frank's**  nickname to **fernk**

 

 **fernk:** hey

 

 **\- fernk**  changed **Tyler Joseph's**  nickname to **hoe-seph**

 

 **hoe-seph:** bitch

 

 **\- fernk**  changed **Tré Cool's**  nickname to **3**

 

 **3:** thanks bud  
also billie would like to rejoin the squad 

 

 **\- 3** added **Billie Joe Armstrong** to **dick me down papi**

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** papi? ooh kinky ;)

 **papi:** do not

 **Mike Dirnt:** billie holy shit ur back

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** i am  
also  
i have some things i would like to say to u all

 **josh the living meme:** go ahead

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** 1\. im sorry for freaking out and causing a riot  
2\. im greateful for what u guys did for me but lets not ever talk about it okay good  
3\. why has dallon suddenly started playing football

 **Mike Dirnt:** wait ur not mad  
thats strange and nice

 **3:** u are forgiven for going off the rails agin

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** thank

 **mijey:** hang on did i read that right  
dallons started playing foorball??

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** yea i saw him like 5 mins ago  
hes got a load of asshole football playing friends now and theyre all big and mean  
dallon is also big and mean  
i didnt realize how scary he is when hes not being gay

 **fernk:** "i didnt realize how scary he is when hes not being gay"  
billie my man  
i do not think u can just turn off being gay

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** try telling dall that  
hes suddenly turned into a straight football douchebag

 **mijey:** gross

 **josh the living meme:** rip dallon

 **3:** the old dallon cant come to the phone right now  
why?  
oh because hes straight now ew

 **hoe-seph:** kicking him out of the squad ew ew ew

 **Mike Dirnt:** hey thats not nice  
hes going through a hard time

 **papi:** going throigh a hard time is no excuse for being straight michael

 **Ray Toro:** wazzup gays  
i have returned from the void with news

 **josh the living meme:** ray my boy where have u been

 **Ray Toro:** i have been gathering information and i may have solved the drama  
maybe  
oh hi bijo

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** henlo  
ooh bijo i like that

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong**  changed their own nickname to **bijo**

 

 **hoe-seph:** someome change mu name back to tyjo so it fits with bijo

 **fernk:** change ur own name

 **hoe-seph:** im lazy

 **josh the living meme:** i gotchu bby <3

 

 **\- josh the living meme**  changed **hoe-seph's**  nickname to **tyjo**

 

 **3:** relationship like joshler plz

 **Mike Dirnt:** u r too wild for the domestic life

 **3:** tru tru  
im cursed to be that guy who drifts from town to town and hooks up with shady dudes in shady bars

 **papi:** those type of guys are p sick tho  
i wish u many one night stands 

 **fernk:** am i shady enough for u gee

 **papi:** yes  
u are the shadiest dude  
ily

 **fernk:** ily2

 **mijey:** now we need ryan back to create the holy trinity of bijo tyjo and ryro

 **Ray Toro:** well if u guys listen u might get ur wish

 **josh the living meme:** what gossip do u have today ramen  
*raymond 

 

 **\- fernk**  changed **Ray Toro's**  nickname to **ramen**

 

 **fernk:** it had to be done ramen

 **papi:** that just reminded me how hungry i am fuck

 **ramen:** i know this is a wild concept and that u guys have probbaly never heard of  
but can u maybe all pay attention to me for like 1 minute

 **Mike Dirnt:** listen to me noodleboi  
none of us can focus on anything for more than 2 seconds  
if u wanna grab our attention u have to talk about something WILD

 **bijo:** noodleboi noodleboi noodleboi

 **papi:** hey considering mikes the onnly one w/out a nickname he has to be named noodleboi now its the rules

 

 **\- bijo**  changed **Mike Dirnt's**  nickname to **noodleboi**

 

 **noodleboi:** i want an official ceremony 

 **bijo:** i hereby dub thee 

 **tyjo:** shouldnt mike be on his knees for this

 **bijo:** yea get on ur knees u lil bitch 

 **noodleboi:** gladly ;)

 **mijey:** is it me or is it getting sexual in here

 **bijo:** i mean kneel for the CEREMONY mikey jfc  
do u rlly think i would let mike suck me off in the middle of english  
i mean i totally would but im trying to behave 

 **josh the living meme:** are u literally going to knight mike as noodleboi in the middle of english  
damn son i have to go watch this

 **papi:** same

 **3:** samex2

 **fernk:** billie didnt u legit just get let back into school today

 **bijo:** i live life on the wild side my man i do what i want and i make my own rules

 **3:** dont u need a sword to knight somone

 **mijey:** remember what happened last time with the sword?? not good was it  
leave the swords out of this pls

 **bijo:** i hereby dub thee  
sir noodleboi of house noodle  
arise good sir and lets go get mcdonalds  
im hungry as shit

 **josh the living meme:** tats the single greatest sentence ive ever read  
"arise good sir and lets go get mcdonalds"

 **fernk:** hey mike ur a knight now  
are u ready for this

 **noodleboi:** dont like responsibility

 **3:** with great power comes great noodles

 **ramen:** im giving u all 2 minutes to pay attention before i remove u all

 **papi:** remove me and ill remove ur kidneys

 **ramen:** i dont need my kidneys

 **tyjo:** we have more than 1 kidney???

 **noodleboi:** yes tyler there are more than 1 kidney in the chat  
currently there are 16 kidneys in the chat

 **bijo:** *15  
tres missing one

 **fernk:** what  
why  
more importantly how 

 **3:** listen  
what happened in that dungeon was a mistake  
none of us are proud of it but whats done is done and we have to accept that

 **mijey:** so... u lost a kidney in a dungeon?

 **3:** yes  
and a testicle too

 **bijo:** well theyre not lost   
we know exactly who has them

 **3:** i knew we should never have trusted dr dingleberry 

 **bijo:** i dont think he was a real doctor

 **3:** but he had one of those white coats on and his name tag said "i am doctor man"

 **bijo:** some people are good   
too good  
he may have taken tres kidney and testicle but he  didnt take our lives

 **3:** he almost did

 **bijo:** yea he almost did  
i still get nightmares about the spikes and the chains

 **3:** dont forget the acid pit he dug into the ground

 **bijo:** oh man that was the worst  
my pinky finger almost went in that

 **fernk:** that was... insane from start to finish  
and mildly horrifying please do not go into a dungeon ever again

 **noodleboi:** what have we learned today kiddos  
we learned that billie and tre should never be allowed to go out alone ever

 **ramen:** how about we all learn to pAY ATTENTION TO RAY  
I KNOW SOME INFO AND U ALL SHOULD KNOW IT TOO  
ALSO I MAY BE ABLE TO FIX BRALLON  
MAYBE

 **papi:** go ahead o wise one bless us with ur knowledge

 **ramen:** its kind of confusing so im adding ryan to explan it

 

 **\- ramen** added **Ryan Ross** to **dick me down papi**

 

 **mijey:** yESY RYRO I HAVE TO DO THIS 

 

 **\- mijey**  changed **Ryan Ross's**  nickname to **ryro**

 

 **bijo:** tHE HOLY TRIANGLE IS COMPLETE  
HOLY TRINIDAD  
HOLY TRICYCLE   
okay u guys know what im getting at yea??

 

 **\- papi**  renamed the group **bijo tyjo and ryro: the holy tricycle**

 

 **tyjo:** im confused  
dont we hate ryan at the moment??

 **ramen:** yea no this isnt rlly his faulT  
we kind of hated him for no reason lol oops

 **3:** wait  
this ISNT ryans fault??

 **bijo:** how

 **ryro:** bevause brendon told me he broke up with dallon   
and yea i know i still shouldnt have made out with him but hey i was drunk and as far as i knew he was single

 **3:** im actulaly gonna beat the shit out of brendon  
dallon deserves so much better what the actual fuck

 **fernk:** so brendon and dallon are still together???  
i thoight dallon woulda dumped his ass by now

 **ramen:** no theyre still together  
i mean they havent spoke to each other for like a week but theyre stilll in some kidn of relatiobship 

 **ryro:** well its about time u guys hear the full story of mine and brendons history ig

 **mijey:** ooh this is exciting

 **josh the living meme:** hang on let me get comfy

 **ryro:** so me and brendon met when we were like 6  
we were bffs 

 **tyjo:** oH  
welp  
this is new and shiny information  
continue please ryan

 **ryro:** when me and bren were about 14 we got together and we were in a serious relationship for like 2 years (goals am i rite???)  
but then we had a pretty bad breakup which was kind of my fault oops  
but hey i felt bad about it i was gonna apologize and make it right  
but fucking brendon got with dallon straight away bc he didnt wanna deal with his feeligs and shit  
so i admit i got a lil salty and stopped talking to brendon   
but then he came to me that night and said he broke up with dallon which was a L I E and all that happened  
but hey it got fixed me and dall became friendos and we moved on  
and now its happening again and just ugh fuckig stop 

 **mijey:** so what ur saying is  
brendon was just using dallon as a rebound

 **ryro:** yea  
but i think he actually does love him now

 **noodleboi:** does dallon even know about the making out at the party yet

 **ryro:** no

 **papi:** well this sux  
damn why can we never have simple lives

 **noodleboi:** its bc were all gay  
the world hates us

 **ramen:** we can fix this tho right??

 **3:** yes we just permanently remove brendon from the squad  
problem solved

 **bijo:** i mean hes an asshole  
but it wouldnt be the same without him

 **noodleboi:** i actually agree  
like  
imagine the pirates of the caribbean movies  
thats our squad  
taking away brendon is like taking away on stranger tides

 **3:** that was a shitty movie anyway

 **josh the living meme:** yea no one even liked on stranger tides

 **noodleboi:** but u get what i mean tho right

 **mijey:** OKAY LISTEN UP  
YALL ARE GONNA HATE ME FOR WHAT IM ABOUT TO DO  
BUT IT WORKED OUT LAST TIME SOOOO

 

 **\- mijey** added **Brendon Urie** to **bijo tyjo and ryro: the holy tricycle**

 

 **\- mijey** changed the group settings

 

 **papi:** mikEY DONT DO THAT

 **ryro:** oh my god did mikey just do that thing where no one can leave 

 **fernk:** yes   
fuck  
mikey why are u like this  
gerard u should lock him up in the basement or something

 **Brendon Urie:** holy shit kill me now

 **3:** u better pray brenny boy because im coming for ur ass

 

 **\- josh the living meme**  changed **Brendon Urie's**  nickname to **brenny boy**

 

 **brenny boy:** listen  
i know im a terrible persoN  
i fucked up and i hate myself okay  
tre feel free to kick my ass i deserve it

 **3:** yes u do   
why tf are u like this

 **brenny boy:** i have a lot of shit going on right now and the only way i know how to handle it is by causing completet chaos  
its not a n excuse i know im a dick  
wait fuck is dallon here

 **ryro:** no bc some of us actually care about his feelings

 **noodleboi:** drag him ryan

 **bijo:** oh yea btw brendon ur "boyfriend" is now a straight football playing letterman wearing douchebag 

 **brenny boy:** forreal?

 **bijo:** yea forreal   
hes terrifying when hes like this  
hes like a walking tower of terror

 **fernk:** thats because hes 8 feet tall

 **brenny boy:** actually hes 6'3  
1.9 metres   
idek why i know this

 **ramen:** brendon pls stop acting like u dont give a shit its painfully obvoos how much u care about him

 **brenny boy:**....  
yes i do okay  
god fucking damn it  
i love that giraffe boy

 **tyjo:** go get ur man brenbob

 **brenny boy:** how  
billie just said hes one of the football assholes now  
theyll murder me

 **3:** oh well

 **brenny boy:** u know what  
im gonna tell him the truth  
ill tell him everything and hey if he wants to break up thats the way things are

 **josh the living meme:** go brendon go   
go get daldo back

 **bijo:** real talk we should rlly get dallon away from the football jerks before it goes tooo far and he starts turning into a typical jock asshole

 **papi:** we ride at dawn  
were gonna save our fren dallon from the football shitdicks  
and possible renunite him with brendon 

 

 **\- noodleboi** renamed the group **OPERATION SAVE DALLON**


	79. dallon the drama queef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which billie is a stoned mess and dallon is a dick (but hey he's allowed to be a dick after the ryden shitstorm)

**noodleboi:** i deserve an award for putting up with billie   
im going gray i swear

 **3:** we all deserve an award for putting up with billie

 **noodleboi:** no i deserve an extra award   
hes high as fuck and out of control and its so funny that i cant even be helpful right now

 **papi:** i wanna see high billie i love high billie  
but im in detention again so

 **mijey:** what did u do now

 **papi:** spat gum at tywin again

 **noodleboi:** hang on  
ill tell billie to share his newfound wisdom with the chta

 **tyjo:** this should be fun

 **bijo:** list5en../  
a ceiling fan

 **fernk:** pepsi just came out of my nose billie what the fuck lmao

 

 **\- tyjo** renamed the group **list5en../ the ceiling fan**

 

 **bijo:** hey thats funny tyelr i was just taling abotut a ceiling fan

 **brenny boy:** i wanna get high with billie  
yo im coming over to get high 

 **bijo:** look at the ceiling fan  
is nice

 **ramen:** brendon   
the last time u got high u panicked bc u couldnt remember how to turn ur headlights on

 **brenny boy:** yea ??  
ITS A VALID REASON TO PANIC RAYMOND

 **ramen:** u were WALKING  
u dont even own a car

 **noodleboi:** this is why i dont do drugs kiddos

 **papi:** eat my ass mike u were tripping balls on acid 2 days ago

 **fernk:** billie what were u saying about the ceiling fan

 **bijo:** it spins  
all the way around  
over and over and over and over again  
there is NOTHING in its way  
a ceiling fan can go anywhere it wants and no one is stopping it  
i aspire to be as free as that ceiling fan

 **ryro:** well it cant rlly go anywhere  
its kind of attached to the ceiling u know

 **noodleboi:** ryan dont upset him hes having fun 

 **fernk:** one time me and gerard were fucked up and gerard used his phone torch to look for his phone so he could use his phone torch to look for my phone so i could  
take a picture of a rlly nice dog that was outside even though my phone was in my hand the entire time

 **mijey:** i remember that  
u called me crying and told me u couldnt find ur phone  
even tho i was literally sat next to u

 **ryro:** the last time i got high i was with dallon  
i forgot to turn the tv on so we just laughed at a blank screen for 10 minutes and fell asleep on my bedroom floor

 **noodleboi:** speakig of dallon we should add him back

 **papi:** mikey changed the settings again we cant

 **mijey:** news flash: i can add people if i want

 **fernk:** ooh do it  
add dildo  
*daldo my bad

 **josh the living meme:** now u have to add hm just so we can call him dildo

 **tyjo:** thats not how we get him to be our friend again

 **josh the living meme:** who needs friends when u have drama

 **ryro:** wiat wait wait  
brendon did u tell him about what we did

 **brenny boy:** yea  
he didnt take it so well  
probbaly bc his new football friends were standing right there when i told him  
and they started making shitty comments and being massive dicks

 **fernk:** so basically u outed dallon to a load of homophobic dickbags 

 **brenny boy:**..yes?

 **fernk:** why are we friends with u again remind me

 

 **\- mijey** added **Dallon Weekes** to **list5en../ the ceiling fan**

 

 **brenny boy:** ohm Y GOD MIKEY  
i feel sick why do i feel sick whats happening

 **ryro:** bc ur probably about to get ur ass handed to u

 **brenny boy:** tru tru+

 **Dallon Weekes:** hello everyone except br*ndon

 **brenny boy:** hey  
thats rude

 **Dallon Weekes:** sorry let me try again  
hello everyone except thE DIRTY CHEATING GROSS SCUMBAG WHORE WHO SHOULDNT EVEN BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW SERIOUSLY BRENDON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH U COULDNT EVEN BREAK UP WITH ME BEFORE U WENT OFF AND DISAPPEARED UP RYANS ASS AGAIN UR LUCKY I DONT FUCKING STAB U FOR ALL THE SHIT U CAUSED 

 **ryro:** um  
well  
this is awkward

 **josh the living meme:** sorry i have to do 1 liil thing real quick

 

 **\- josh the living meme**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **dildo**

 

 **dildo:** josh i will karate chop u in the neck if u continue

 **brenny boy:** hey dal  
can we maybe talk about this privately  
becayse this is very awkward and im sure these guys dont need to know our personal shit

 **3:** yes we do 

 **noodleboi:** trE

 **bijo:** oh man  
dallon  
where di u come from

 **dildo:** im nto talking to u   
u headbutted me and got me suspended for 3 days

 **bijo:** ah yes good sir but i also got myself suspended for 3 days so whos the real winner here

 **dildo:** not u ?

 **bijo:** yes   
HEy do u think someone could smoke a cigarette through their vagina  
im gonna try that

 **3:** u dont have a vagina

 **bijo:** fine  
il shove a cigarette up my ass thne

 **dildo:** damn are u okay bj

 **noodleboi:** hes high ignore him

 **ramen:** so   
moving on from cigarettes and vaginas  
now we need to focus on how we fix this

 **dildo:** no fixing  
im done  
bye fuckers  
what the fuck why cant i leave  
MIKEY

 **mijey:** sorry dalon its for ur own good we have to get u awat from those football bros

 **dildo:** why  
they would never cheat on me

 **ramen:** no  
but theyll probably insult u 

 **dildo:** brendon does that anyway

 **brenny boy:** when havE I EVER  
actually yea i do insult u but i only do it bc i love u

 **3:** brendon  
i dont wanna cause more drama here (yes i do)  
but why cheat on him if u love him

 **ramen:** trE NO (but yea actyaly a good question)

 **brenny boy:** listen  
i do not know how to handle shitty home situations without causing a scene okay

 **tyjo:** what "shitty home situation"???

 **brenny boy:** moVING ON  
i fucked up and i admit that and i hope we can all move on 

 **dildo:** i rather u to get hit by a bus but whatev

 **ramen:** okAY OKAY OKAY  
CAN EVERYONE CALM DOWN PLEASEE  
DALLON STOP WISHING DEATH ON BRENDON

 **dildo:** NO

 **ryro:** i imagined this to be like one of those movie reunions where 2 people meet up and forget their past issues and go off into the sunset together  
but instead its just an angry pit of uncontrollable chaos

 **dildo:** "angry pit of uncontrollable chaos" that literally describves brendon

 **brenny boy:** yea well u know what describes u  
"lanky ass motherfucker who always has to complicate thinsg bc he cant fucking move on and get over a little mistake"

 **3:** billie hasnt messaged the chat in a while where he @

 **bijo:** help me i do not  
know where im am

 **noodleboi:** u went to the store for snacks how

 **bijo:** what

 **mijey:** miike why did u even let him out what the fuck

 **noodleboi:** because he was hungry and i cant cook and i dont trust him at my house by himself he might break something

 **dildo:** i want to leave  
@mikey awhy are u a bitch

 **papi:** careful dally thast my brother 

 **mijey:** gera do not get protective u literally kicked me in the stomach 2 days ago

 **papi:** bc ur a bitch

 **3:** billie descrive ur surroundings

 **bijo:** got scared and ran away

 **3:** thats veyr helpful thank

 **bijo:** welcome

 **dildo:** mieky u little shit lET ME OUT OF THIS HELL

 **brenny boy:** why u so salty

 **dildo:** im sorry who are u????

 **ryro:** OH MY GOD DALLON 

 **brenny boy:** hey at least hes not hoping i die anymore

 **dildo:** yes i am

 **noodleboi:** i live for this   
(no offence to brendon dallon or ryan ur all my friends but this is entertaining as hell)

 **ramen:** dallon be nic3

 **mijey:** yes dallon be nic3

 **dildo:** UR TELLING ME TO BE NICE???  
HOW ABOUT U TRY TELLING BRENDON TO NOT BE A HOE

 **brenny boy:** jesUS CHRIST ITS OVER DALLON GET OVER IT

 **dildo:** YEA UR GODDAMN RIGHT ITS OVER BRENDON

 **tyjo:** um  
did dallon just

 **fernk:** i think brendon just got dumped   
ouch

 **josh the living meme:** dallon that was ice cold

 **dildo:** just like brendons heart  
if he even has one

 **ryro:** brendon ur gettin dragged boi

 **brenny boy:** yES THANK U RYAN I CAN SEE THAT  
DALLON I WILL START THROWING HANDS IF U KEEP THIS SHIT UP

 **papi:** brenDON BE NICE

 **dildo:** bebenDON DOENST KNOW HOW RTO BE NICE 

 **mijey:** "bebenDON" imfuckING CRYING OHD NMY GOD

 

 **\- 3**  changed **brenny boy's**  nickname to **bebenDON**

 

 **bijo:** oh no  
theres a birb

 **noodleboi:** billie not now brednon just got dumped and dallons being a drama queen

 **bijo:** BUT THERE IS A BIG BIRD I THINK IT CAN SMELL FEAR AND ALSO IT  TRYING TO STEAL THE CANDY I JUST STOLE

 **dildo:** IM NOT BEING A DRAMA QUEEF WHAT THE FUCK MIKE

 **tyjo:** D R A M A Q U E E F  
IM DEAD 

 

 **\- 3** renamed the group **dallon the drama queef**

 

 **bebenDON:** dallon get rekt fucker

 **fernk:** brendon shut up oh my god

 **ramen:** drama queef is funny tho

 **dildo:** putting ur head on a spike would be funny 

 **ramen:**???? what did i do tf

 **bebenDON:** dallon im not even lying i will literally fight u

 **papi:** heres an idea:  
brendon do not start a fight  
dallon just behave  
everyone stop feeding into the drama pls  
aN D MIKEY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINSG SANE P L E A S E CHANGE THE SETTINSG BACK

 **mijey:** n e v e r :)


	80. #mikeywayisoverparty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short break (kind of??) from the brallon drama

**josh the living meme:** tyLER JUST CHOKED ON GUM 

 **fernk:** josh my good buddy litsten  
u dont need to tell us all of ur sexual adventures 

 **josh the living meme:**???

 **papi:** i actuallu agree josh thats gross do not say that in the chat

 **ramen:** arent u in class right now  
what the fuck were u doing and how did u not get in deep shit

 **noodleboi:** ah  
the good ol bj under the table

 **bijo:** ;)))))

 **josh the living meme:** wh a  t   ????

 **mijey:** josh what the fuck thats not something u share with teh chat

 **josh the living meme:** oh m gdod  
oh MY GOD  
I SAID GUM NOT CUM U DAMN FUCKWADS  
AS IN CHEWING GUM

 **papi:** oH

 **noodleboi:**  yea lets just ignore what i said about under the table bjs...

 **3:** MIKEY  
I HAVE A REQUEST  
I NEED U TO CHANGE THE SETTINGS FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS

 **mijey:** hmm  
no

 **3:** I KNEW U WERE GONNA SAY THAT   
WELL I HAVE A PLAN

 **bijo:** oh my god  
tats never good  
run mikeu 

 **mijey:** thanks billie but im not scared of tre

 **noodleboi:** hes speaking in all caps  
thats pretty alarming 

 **tyjo:** thanks for ur concern guys i almost just died

 **ryro:** thats weak   
i actually did die

 **bijo:** me too  
my death was way more brutal than urs tho

 **ryro:** okay but ur 1/2 of the reason i died 

 **bijo:** true  
gerard was my cause of death

 **papi:** hEY  
that day was a major fuckup and im sorry okay

 **ryro:** wait i never asked  
how did u even die

 **tyjo:** oh yeah ryan wasnt here when gerard killed billie   
boi u missed out on some quality drama that day  
it was w i l d

 **bijo:** well it all started when   
actually i cant remember how it even started  
but in short: i attacked mikey and gerard came to save him with a prop sword and stabbed me but surprise the sword wasnt a prop it was real and i died 

 **fernk:** and then tywin carried him bridal style out of the building and inspired a load of gr8 fanfics 

 **ryro:** holy shit  
i cant believe 3 people from the squad are actual murderers and 2 of us have died   
why dont we have a normal friend group where we go watch movies and get brunch and whatever

 **noodleboi:** what th hell is brunch

 **papi:** i think that answers ur question ryan  
we dont even know wht brucnh is

 **ryro:** neither do i but i hear its what normal peopel do

 **mijey:** U SEE KIDS  
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U DONT CO OPERATE 

 **ramen:**??

 **mijey:** its me  
its tre  
i stole mikeys phone

 **fernk:** rad  
change the settinsg now

 **mijey:** okay so i maybe didnt think this through  
idek how to change it back  
gerard what black magic does ur brother know

 **papi:** fuck if i know i leave him to do his own shit

 **3:** TRE I WILL BREAK UR KNEECAPS  
GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK

 **mijey:** NO

 **bijo:** im guessing mikey has tres phone now???  
im getting confused i need to sit down

 **ramen:** u are sat down

 **bijo:** i need to lay down then

 **fernk:** okay im gonna fuck about w/ the settings for a sec   
pls remain calm

 **josh the living meme:** im already terrified

 **noodleboi:** in other news  
wheres brallon and why arent they in the chat

 **ryro:** oh yeah i forgot to tell u guys  
dallon sent his football buddies after brendon so now brendon wont leave his house

 **3:** TRE IM GIVING U 5 MINUTES TO COME TO THE FRONT OF TEH SCHOOL WITH MY PHONE OR ILL BREAK URS

 **mijey:** BREAK MY PHONE AND ILL BREAK UR FACE

 **papi:** touch mikey and ill beat ur ass

 **bijo:** hey leave tre alone hes only trying to fix the mess mikey made

 **3:** i didnt make a mess i tried to fix the fighting

 **ramen:** noah fence mikey but that didnr rlly work out did it

 **tyjo:** mikey: its okay i fixed the fighting :)))  
everyone else: *still fighting* 

 **3:** shut up tyler

 **mijey:** ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS ADD ONE PERSON  
WE ALL KNOW HIM  
I MISS HIM 

 **3:** NO ONES ADDING ANYONE THIS IS MY CHAT I OWN IT

 **ramen:** I CREATED THIS CHAT ACTUALLY 

 **ryro:** children be calm  
tre give mikey his phone back  
mikey give tre his phone back  
frank can u change the damn settings already

 **fernk:** in a sec im just lookin through all the different settinsg

 **3:** wait u know how to change it  
(its still mikey btw)

 **fernk:** yes  
probably  
im still a little confused  
but this means u cant control me anymore

 **bijo:** #mikeywayisoverparty

 **fernk:** whoa holy frick i think i just hit the wrong setting

 

**\- THIS GROUP HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED**


	81. gerard u cant call the principal a kinky shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fucking trip. Wow.

**\- THIS GROUP HAS BEEN REACTIVATED**

 

 **\- mijey** changed the group settings

 

 **mijey:** FRABNK IF U EVER DO THAT AGAIN E V E R I WILL CUT U

 **fernk:** understababele  
sorry  
but why did it take u over a day to reactivate it????

 **mijey:** i wanted u to think about what u did

 **brendick:** I AM IN SO MUCH TROUBLE OH MY GOD  
SO MUCH TROUBLE  
I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY GO TO JAIL FOR THIS   
GOODBYE MY FRIENDS I KNOW IVE MOSTLY BEEN A DICK BUT ILY ALL

 

 **\- brendick** left **dallon the drama queef**

 

 **ramen:** that escalated quickly

 

 **\- daldick** renamed the group **dalonb is NOT a drama queef**

 

 **papi:** dallon u just spelled ur own name wrong

 **daldick:** no i didnt  
wait  
yes i did

 

 **\- daldick** renamed the group **dallon is NOT a drama quern**

 

 **bijo:** now u spelled queen wrong

 **daldick:** hey billie consider this: fuck off

 **bijo:** hey dallon consider this: no

 **daldick:** hey bILLIE CONIDER THIS: UR A VIOLET LITTLE SHIt

 **bijo:** HEY DALLON CONSIDER THIS: GET THE FUCK OVER IT

 **noodleboi:** calling it now: billie vs dallon is the next big thing

 **tyjo:** it totally will be  
dallon still isnt over getting headbutted

 **ryro:** ive asked beforre and ill ask again  
how did billie manage to headbutt dallon when theres like an entire foot height difference

 **daldick:** he jumped

 **bijo:** i jumped

 **3:** yeS YES YES  
THE SETTINSG GOT CHANGED  
YES  
HOLY SHIT  
I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF THIS IS SO EXCITNG  
ARE U FUCKERS READY

 **mijey:** no

 **josh the living meme:** nope

 **ramen:** definietly not

 **ryro:** im actually kinda scared

 **fernk:** do it boi

 **3:** im about to   
this is gonna be gr8

 

 **\- 3** added an **unknown contact** to **dallon is NOT a drama quern**

 

 **papi:** dallon u still havent corrected quern

 

 **\- daldick** renamed the group **everyone can suck my dick**

 

 **ryro:** everyone including brendon..?

 **daldick:** no not him

 

 **\- daldick** renamed the group **everyone except brendon can suck my dick brendon can fuck off i hate him hes an asshole i hope he dies in a fire god fucking damn it i hate brendon urie**

 **tyjo:** whoa  
dallon  
be calm

 **3:** lads behave an important person is here

 **mijey:** tre  
who is the unknown contact

 **3:** oh damn  
i guess his account is private??? idk  
WAIT I KNOW

 

 **\- 3**  changed **an unknown contact's**  nickname to **DADDY**

 

 **3:** any guesses???

 **bijo:** that beter not be fucking tywin i hate that motherfuck

 **3:** its not tywin no  
if it was tywin his name would be tywin  
not daddy  
but tywin is still daddy af

 **noodleboi:** ooh is it dildo dave??

 **3:** no mike  
dildo dave would be called dildo dave if he was here  
dildo dave is not daddy  
id still fuck him tho

 **ramen:** tre does it concern u that u will literally fuck anyone

 **3:** hey at least im getting some

 **ramen:** fuck u too

 **DADDY:** What is this? Who are you?

 **josh the living meme:** thE GRAMMER IS MAKING ME VERY UNCOMFOTABLE 

 **fernk:** w h o a thats weird

 **daldick:** who tf are u??  
tre who is this  
we need answers

 **ryro:** oh my god  
tre u didnt  
tre oh my god

 **3:** i did  
ur welcome

 **papi:** IS THAT THE FUCKING EX PRINCIPAL  
JESUS CHRIST TRE DO U HAVE NO CHILL AT ALL

 **3:** i have never been chill about anything in my life ever  
hello mr principal do u miss us

 **DADDY:** What's going on? How do you know me?

 **ramen:** haha get rekt tre he doesnt even remember u

 **3:** i thought we had something special  
ur just like every other man 

 

 **\- 3** left **everyone except brendon can suck my dick brendon can fuck off i hate him hes an asshole i hope he dies in a fire god fucking damn it i hate brendon urie**

 

 **DADDY:** Brendon Urie? Did he do this?

 **daldick:** hey LISTEN UP BUDDY WE DONT TALK ABOUT BRENDON IN THIS CHAT  
IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT BREDON GO SOMEHWREERE ELSE  
ACTUALLY A BETTER IDEA  
LETS NOT EVE TALJ ABOUUT BRENDON EVER OKAY YEA GOOD IDEA NOW FUCK OFF

 **DADDY:** Excuse me? What's going on?

 **fernk:** whoa u are definitely not ready for the brallon trainwreck yet  
u have to be at least a level 5 squad member to know about that

 **mijey:** dallon do u maybe wanna change the group name to something else  
the principal is literally in our chat right now

 **daldick:** NO   
ENEV THE PRICNIAK NEED TO KNOW WHAT A LYIJG CHEATING DICKFUCK WHORE BRNDON IS

 **tyjo:** its like the madder he gets tthe more illiterate he gets

 **daldick:** TYEKR FUCKINFS GDOA UYG

 **tyjo:** that just proves my point eveb more

 **DADDY:** If I'm being honest, I never liked Brendon much.

 **daldick:** GOOD BECAYS HES AN ASSWANk

 **bijo:** moving on before someone gets hurt  
no mr pricipal brendon didn add u tre added u  
u remembe tre? ur number 1 fan

 **DADDY:** Yes I remember him. Why did he do this?

 **noodleboi:** why does tre do anything

 **ryro:** spoiler alert: he loves u  
ur his daddy

 **ramen:** rYAN

 **noodleboi:** so mr principal   
hows life now ur not stuck dealing w/ us every day

 **DADDY:** I don't think I should be discussing my personal life with any of you.

 **josh the living meme:** i love his punctution and capital letters its aodrable

 **papi:** whoa dont let tre know ur stealing his man

 **DADDY:** Excuse me I'm not anybody's man. Especially not Tré's.

 

 **\- tyjo** added **3** to **everyone except brendon can suck my dick brendon can fuck off i hate him hes an asshole i hope he dies in a fire god fucking damn it i hate brendon urie**

 

 **tyjo:** josh is hitting on ur man

 **3:** josh back the fuck off the principal is MINE  
we shared a v special moment

 **papi:** is that "special moment" what i think it is

 **3:** my penis entered his mouth 

 **bijo:** eJSJS USS CHR I S T  
TRE U CANT DO THAT

 **ryro:** hey mr princiapl is that true can u confirm

 **DADDY:** I'm not discussing anything with any of you.

 **ramen:** oH MY GOD  
TRE/PRINCIPAL IS REAL  
MY POOR INNOCENT SOUL 

 **3:** miss u bby

 **DADDY:** Don't.

 **josh the living meme:** "dont" - ex principal 2017

 **noodleboi:** yo i just remembered brendon sayig he was in trouble

 **daldick:** whoS BRNEDON I ODNT KNOW BERNDON SHUT UP STOP TALKJING ABOUT BRDNDNOEN

 **mijey:** dallon pls stop acting like u dont care its obvious u love him

 **DADDY:** I know this isn't my place, but why would you ever choose Brendon?

 **ryro:** whoa  
ex principal is d r a g g i n g brendon

 **fernk:** what did brendon do to u man holy shit

 **DADDY:** I agree with Dallon, it's best to not talk about Brendon.

 **daldick:** wow  
ur a good man mr ex princpial  
idk why i ever hated u

 **3:** daloon  
listen  
ik ur in a bad place rn and ik u need something to cheer u up  
so ill give u one night with my man

 **ramen:** i cant believe tre is pimping out the principal  
what even is this chat  
is this real life

 **josh the living meme:** have fun dallon u deserve it after the shit brendon put u through

 **daldick:** im not gonna fuck the principla oh my god josh

 **3:** thats what i said  
before i kenw what wa happnening we were in a closet and my pants were off

 **mijey:** jesus christt tre can u maybe not

 **DADDY:** Can we change the subject please? 

 **papi:** im just surprised ur stll here

 **DADDY:** Even though I hated every single one of you with a passion while I was your principal, since leaving the school I have come to respect you. You were all very entertaining, although your actions were extremely inappropriate, and you don't take orders from anybody. It takes strength be that free. 

 **ryro:** wow thats so ncie omg  
tre hes a keeper

 **fernk:** ryan do not encourage the relatioship thers like a 30 year age gap its werird

 **3:** chat shit get hit frank

 **papi:** tre pls dont htit my boyfriend 

 **tyjo:** so   
dallon  
u gonna hit that ir not?

 **daldick:** no

 **bijo:** u sent that rlly fast which means ur gettin defenzive which means ur totally gonna hook up with our ex principal later 

 **daldick:** biLLEI DO NOT FUCKING PUSH ME 

 **bijo:** whao  
aggresiove

 **daldick:** u heabutted me

 **bijo:** u kidnapped my stepdad and left him in nebraska

 **daldick:** yes becayse he was beating the shit out of u

 **DADDY:** You guys don't mess around, do you? Also, do you understand that kidnapping is illegal and you can actually go to prison for that? 

 **josh the living meme:** dont even go there  
we stole a van to do the kidnapping in  
and we accidebtally kidnapped the wrong guy at frist   
and tres already been to jail anyway

 **3:** i met dildo dave  
he was a nice gentleman 

 **papi:** tre he beat his girlfriend to death  with a dildo

 **3:** like i said  
nice gentleman

 **ryro:** dont forget billie and frank literally killed me   
but i came back so its all good

 **bijo:** and gerard actually murderd me that one time

 **tyjo:** and that one time brendon almost killed me and then ran awa from the cops and hid in nebraska for a week

 **daldick:** alRIGHT TYE NEXT PERSON TO SAY BRENDON IS GETING SLAPED

 **DADDY:** He really hurt you, didn't he?

 **daldick:** NO SHIT

 **fernk:** yea the second br*ndon/dallon/ryan clusterfuck is a Mess™  
even worse than the first one  
and even worse than teh billie/mike/tre clusterfuck

 **ryro:** petition to change the name to the br*ndon/dallon clusterfuck and keep my name out of it becayse this technicaly isnt my fault???

 **daldick:** u fucked my boyfriend and then made out with him

 **ryro:** yeS BUT HE DIDNT TELL ME HE WAS WITH U 

 **noodleboi:** well is not dallons fault either so why not jus call it the br*ndon clusterfuck

 **daldick:** perfect  
brendon is a clusterfuck 

 **3:** i actally wanna know what trouble hes in tho  
so  
i have to do this  
dallon pls dont hit me

 

 **\- 3** added **brendick** to **everyone except brendon can suck my dick brendon can fuck off i hate him hes an asshole i hope he dies in a fire god fucking damn it i hate brendon urie**

 

 **DADDY:** Was that really necessary? 

 **brendick:** who the fuck are u

 **3:** brendon meet the ex principal  
ex principal meet brendon

 **DADDY:** We already met. Multiple times.

 **brendick:** why are u here

 **tyjo:** oh yea u missed a v important conversation  
ex principal literally gave tre a blowjob in a closet

 **brendick:** tre/principal is my otp so thats cool ig

 **daldick:** YEA WELL GUESS WHAT  
IM GONNA FUCK HIM LATER   
BETTER MAKE UR OTP DALNO/PRINCIPAL

 **bijo:** dal u splled ur own name wrong again

 **brendick:** are u fucking serious dallon?  
oh my god can u just drop thsi now

 **daldick:** no BRENDON i cannot jsyt drop thsi  
dont u undertand i actually fucking loved u  
i wanetd to spent the rest of my life with u aand all that gay romantic bullshit  
but hey if u dont care about mee and would rather fuck ryan go right ahead im not s toppng u anymore

 **ryro:** hey can u leave me out of it pls

 **3:** guys can u keep ur domestics out of teh chat while daddy is here

 **josh the living meme:** ter can u st OP calling him daddy its weird

 **DADDY:** I think it's endearing. 

 **papi:** oh MY GOD U KINKY SHIT

 **ramen:** gerard u cant call the principal a kinky shit

 **fernk:** but what if the principal IS a kinky shit???

 **3:** can confirm he is  
dallon u better take up my offer buddy ur missing out

 **daldick:** sure   
ill fuck him  
brendon urie who

 **brendick:** hey can u maybe shut the fuck up for 5 minutes

 **daldick:** can u maybe not be a whore for 5 minuts

 **josh the living meme:** how much more of this can i handle  
tune in next week to see if ive had a breakdown yet

 **mijey:** tune in next week to see if dallon is still being extra af

 **bijo:** rephrase that  
tune in next week to see if brendon is still an asshole

 **brendick:** tune in next week to see billie get slapped if he continues

 **noodleboi:** tune in next week to see brendon get his ass beat if he touches billie

 **ramen:** tune in next week to see if this stupid conversation is still going

 **DADDY:** Well it's been nice catching up with everyone except Brendon.

 **brendick:** hey fuck off

 **noodleboi:** im crying   
dallon hes literally made for u  
u can hate brendn together

 **daldick:** yea were gonna maek a club called "brendon urei hate club"  
anyne who hates brendon is welcome to join

 **brendick:** i hate myself can i join

 **daldick:** no  
fuck off and die

 **fernk:** dALLON JESUS

 **DADDY:** I have to go now. I'm excited to see what you accomplish in the future.  
Who am I kidding you're all going to be dead or in prison by the time you're 20.  
Goodbye.

 

 **\- DADDY** left **everyone except brendon can suck my dick brendon can fuck off i hate him hes an asshole i hope he dies in a fire god fucking damn it i hate brendon urie**


	82. no heteros in the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year. An entire year since I posted the first chapter of this. I didn't expect it to go this far, or to get any attention ... but holy shit. I love all of you guys <3 Keep commenting because I live for the attention

**ryro:** hey so this i feel like someone shoudl def so sort brendon and dallon out   
but bugsy not me  
theyre out of control

 **mijey:** het ryan  
its barely 7am can u dont

 **papi:** did u just call ryan a heterosexual 

 **3:** mikey i am shooketh thats so disrepectful 

 **ramen:** mikey we raised u better than this

 **bijo:** u know the rules  
no heteros in the chat

 **mijey:** fuck off i meant hey not het  
sorry ryan i didnt mean to call u a hetero

 **ryro:** u r forgiven   
anyway   
did anyone pay attention to what i said

 **3:** i have neber paid attentin to anything ever 

 **mijey:** whos being disrespectful now huh tre

 **3:** u

 **mijey:** no

 **ryro:** hello  
listen to ryan pls

 **bijo:** what kind of asshole refers to themself in third person

 **ryro:** i woulDNT HAVE TO IF U CHILDREN WOULD LISTEN

 **noodleboi:** as mikey said  
its barely 7  
we cnnot function properly until late morning/early afternoon

 **papi:** speak for urself i cant function until late evening/nigh ttime

 **fernk:** i cant function at all

 **josh the living meme:** sorry im late to the ryans a heterosexual party   
hey tyler get on here ryans a heterosexal

 **tyjo:** josh im sat right next to u

 **josh the living meme:** yea ik but u never listen to me irl

 **ryro:** amazing  
not only do i get ignored in real life but i also get ignored in the chat

 **ramen:** okay stop fucking around everyone   
ryan whats up

 **ryro:** so u guys know how brendon said he was in trouble

 **3:** oh wow i completely forgot about that  
ex principal daddy is a good distraction 

 **bijo:** i actualy like ex principal daddy can we add him back

 **papi:** i second that

 **tyjo:** i third that  
but not yet  
teh man will have a mental brekadown if he has to deal with us every day

 **noodleboi:** isnt that what happened anyway

 **mijey:** oh yea i forgot he quit his job bc of us

 **papi:** that was cover do u guys not remember  
tre/principal in a closet???

 **3:** i remember that

 **ryro:** why am i friends with any of u

 **ramen:** hey im listening even if no one else is

 **mijey:** im listening

 **ryro:** right so i thought brndon was being over dramatic bc hes always over dramatic but it tursn out hes actually in deep shit   
and about to be in deeper shit if the cops get involved

 **josh the living meme:** jesus what did he do kill someone??

 **ryro:** yes almost

 **noodleboi:** wait what

 **mijey:** oh my gdo

 **fernk:** why is brendon allowed outside ever

 **ryro:** so he can legally drive now and his parents got him a car   
idk why they must be insane who the fuck would give brendon a car and let him drive it around outside where there are people  
anyway on his first day of driving it he literally fucking hit and run one of the football assholes who haev been terrorizing him on dallosn orders  
the football asshole survived but his parents told brendons parents that he was driving like a fucking psycho and now hes been kicked out of his house

 **ramen:** i dont even know where to begin dealing w/ that so im gona ignore it

 **mijey:** same ray good idea

 **bijo:** and where is brendon rn

 **ryro:** under a bridge somewhere probably  
i would let him stay with me but my parnents kind of dont likehim

 **papi:** oh boy

 **josh the living meme:** oh boy x2

 **tyjo:** oh boy x3

 

 **\- noodleboi** renamed the group **oh boy**

 

 **ryro:**  movomg on to dallon   
i dont even know what hes doing but hes suddnely insinting hes straight and pretebdng he doenst know brendon  
hes also avoiding all of us and im like 98.9% sure hes about to have a mental breakdown

 **ramen:** u know hes still in the chat right

 **ryro:** yea but hes ignorng it so its all good

 **daldick:** whats up fuckers

 **ryro:** oH MY GOD  
REALLY  
ARE U FUCKEN SERIOS RIGH  NOW

 **daldick:** im just here to point outa few thnsg  
im not insisisisng im straugt i AM straight  
also whos brandoN  
and im not about to have a mental breakdown what the fuck

 **3:** this next sentence might be wildly inapprorpriate

 **bijo:** literally everything u say is wildly inapropriate

 **3:** true  
but dallon did u have fun with ex principal daddy

 **daldick:** tre  
that is Homosexual™  
i am not homosexual i like females 

 **noodleboi:** im shocked dallon can even spell homosexual

 **daldick:** bite me

 **noodleboi:** kinky ;)

 **daldick:** MIKE DONT BE HOMOSEXUAL

 **josh the living meme:** hey dal if ur straight then i must be a dinosaur

 **mijey:** dinosaurs are extinct josh

 **tyjo:** just like straight people

 **fernk:** heterophobia   
ur making dallon uncomfortable

 **brendick:** wow i missed a lot

 **daldick:** ur not welcome here go away

 **brendick:** why so salty

 **3:** i live for this  
mikey i think i caught the drama disease from u  
i suddenly cannot fucnction without it

 **papi:** brendon sorry u got kicked out

 **brendick:** okay how do u even know that  
rYAN

 **ryro:** oop

 **papi:** u can stay with me and mikey our parents are so chill its unreal

 **mijey:** gerard he tried to hit someone with a car and now ur inviting hm int our house

 **papi:** hes not bringing his car into the house tho is he

 **mijey:** idk   
i mean he did bring an entire shopping cart into the house  
and its still in the living room btw

 **brendick:** yea its too big to go out the dorry sorry  
*door

 **bijo:** why is that so funny  
dorry sorry

 

 **\- ramen** renamed the group **dorry sorry**

 

 **noodleboi:** dorry lmaoo

 **brendick:** ok lets not  
and dallon can u pls stop telling ur fucking dick squad to beat me up every time they see me 

 **daldick:** no  
fuck u

 **ryro:** dallon dont u think u should maybe let this go now

 **daldick:** what was that  
do u wanna get beat up by the dick squad too

 **ryro:** no wtf

 **bijo:** do u guys undertand how scary this is  
dallon literally has an army of big angry homophobic scumbags at his service  
he could tell them to kill us all and they probably would

 **daldick:** ur giving me some good ideas here billie

 **josh the living meme:** i can see why u 2 were so good together  
ur both so hostile and quick to murder ppl

 **brendick:** hEY  
it was attempted murder   
he didnt actually die

 **daldick:** and i havent tried to kill anyone yet

 **fernk:** "yet"


	83. crisis in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is really short sorry but I'm just posting shit until I figure out what I'm doing lmao

**daldick:** so lets just say theatrically   
no  
thermostat   
also no  
i cannot 

 **papi:** its 4am why are u talking about theatre

 **daldick:** im trying   
to work that out mysel f  
theoretically   
thERE WE GO THATS WHAT I WAS TRYNing to say  
so lets just say theoretically someone got really really drunk and snorted coke off a guys dick and then blacked out and woke up in an upside down car  
how would that someoen explain to their parenst where theyve been for the past 3 days

 **papi:** wow  
that is way too much information for me to process right now  
who did what exactly

 **daldick:** nvm  
i should sleep probably  
i havent done that for a few days

 **papi:** holy shit are u ok

 **daldick:** hahaha fuck i dont know

 **fernk:** hello u little shits i am awake bc gerard cannot type quietly

 **papi:** uu choose to sleep in my  room in my bed with me  
also be quiet ur gonna wake brendon up

 **fernk:** i dotn get why he has to be in ur room tho

 **mijey:** bc no fucking way is he staying in my room

 **noodleboi:** im gonna statr muting this chat i swear to god  
and why is dallon talking about coke and dicks

 **mijey:** wait what  
dallon what did u do

 **3:** i saw everyone in the chat and thought it was time to get up and now im dressed and also pissed off

 **josh the living meme:** heres an idea: go to sleep

 **papi:** heres an idea; no

 **bijo:** mikes a rude bitch and just slapped me so hi im also here  
wwhos been snorting coke bc thats probably a bad idea

 **ramen:** billie ur in no position to be telling anyone what a bad idea is  
also hi im not even questioning whats going on rn

 **tyjo:** THE KKTCHEN IS ON FIRE  
HEP ME   
THE KICTEH IS BURNING

 **josh the living meme:** whTA DID U DO 

 **tyjo:** I REALLY WANTED PIZZA BUT I FOFGOT IT WAS IN THE OVEN AND NOW ITS ON FIRE

 **3:** crisis in the kitchen am i right

 **noodleboi:** c r i s i s i n t h e k i t c h e n

 

 **\- fernk** renamed the group **crisis in the kitchen**

 

 **tyjo:** UR NOT HELPING  
HOW DO PUT OUT PIZZA FIRE  
I   
HELP

 **ramen:** when ur kicten is liteally burning down but u have to tell the chat before u put it out bc priorities

 **papi:** like when mike set himself on fire and told the chat as he slowly burned to death

 **noodleboi:** #memories

 **josh the living meme:** i just had to run to tylers house to save him and his parents yelled at me excuse me

 **tyjo:** yea i kind of told them it was u who burned the kitchen

 **josh the living meme:** im divorcing u

 **tyjo:** </3

 **fernk:** CAN U IMBECILES GO TO SLEEP PLEASE

 **noodleboi:** what is sleep

 **daldick:** quetsion: do u think my serpents will believe me if i say i was on a last minute camping trip for 3 days

 **bijo:** i didt know u have a snake

 **daldick:** what

 **bijo:** whats it called  
ur snake  
whats its name

 **daldick:** uhHh what?  
are u talking about my dick 

 **bijo:** no why the fuck would i be talking about ur dick  
im talking about ur pet snake

 **daldick:** i dont have a pet snake what the fuck billie  
oh my god i meant parents 

 **ryro:** im hyperventilating what the hell is going on and why are u talking about serpents   
wait dallon are ur parents snakes

 **josh the living meme:** well taht would explain why hes so weirdly long

 **3:** ;)

 **josh the living meme:** no tre

 **noodleboi:** hi ryan

 **ryro:** hi mike  
hi other people

 **mijey:** hi ryan

 **tyjo:** hi ryan i just burned down my kitchen

 **brendick:** gerard if u dont shut ur phone up i will shove it up ur ass  
i donT WANT TO BE AWAKE

 **fernk:** only i can shove stuff up gerards ass sorry sweaty :)

 **ramen:** i just read that first message and ohhh boiiii  
dallon plese please PLEASE tell me u didnt actually do that

 **brendick:** do what  
whats happening  
why deos the good shit happen when im asleep

 **daldick:** hey we all do stuff were not proud of

 **mijey:** yes but noen of us have ever snorted coke off of a penis and then blacked out for 3 days

 **3:** speak for urself  
that night was intense

 **fernk:** hello yes i would like some new friends who arent drug addicts and delinquents 

 **bijo:** out of stock  
sory frank looks like ur stuck with us


	84. give brendon his high heels back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself I'm the high heels

**fernk:** I got a new phone you gays no what I didn't say gays I said guy Gerard stop whispering gay it's making my phone not work stop it gay

 **josh the living meme:** wat  
why are u typing full words  
why are there caps  
are u ok

 **papi:** hes got the dumb speak to type shit and its not working for him lmao

 **fernk:** Only because you keep talking over me shut the fuck 

 **noodleboi:** this is mildly entertaining enough for me to not do my work

 **brendick:** ya boi got detention for wearing high heels 

 **tyjo:** why are u wearing high heels

 **brendick:** why not  
i like heels  
but they got confiscated so now i have no shoes on which is Strange™

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **give brendon his high heels back**

 

 **papi:** hey bren im also in detention  
for wearing eyeliner   
#detentionsquad

 **fernk:** Hannah no what I didn't say that I laughed what the fuck 

 **ramen:** frank here is a good idea: type not talk

 **fernk:** Cone

 **ramen:** ok 

 **fernk:** I didn't say cone I said gay no gay gay Gerard I will gay literally shove my gay gay gay entire left leg gay up your ass if gay you don't stop gay

 **papi:** what if u want ur right leg

 **bijo:** AM BEING CHASED BY THE SECUURITY GUARD 

 **3:** ALSO BENG CHASED BY THE SECURITY GUARD

 **noodleboi:** why do i feel like i have to parent u 2 all day every day

 **josh the living meme:** i just watched u both run down the hall u could have at least waved wow rude  
okay tre just legit stopped running to come back and hug me i love tre hes so pure

 **bijo:** OH BOY RIP TRE AND JOSH

 **tyjo:** WHAT HAPPENED TO JOSH  
i mean i also care about tre but JOSH

 **bijo:** THE SECURITY GUARD GRABBED THEM BOTH AND IS YELLINg

 **josh the living meme:** he interrupted our hugbvfcdgvhbjn

 **mijey:** ur what

 **3:**  josh got his phone away

 **ryro:** hi im late also what the fuck is happening now

 **noodleboi:** frank has a new phone  
brendon came to school in high heels got a detention for it and also got his heels confiscated   
gerard got a detention for wearing eyeliner  
billie and tre were running from the security guard for unknown reasons but then tre hugged josh and they both got caught

 **ryro:** do none of u know how to behave

 **brendick:** no   
but neither do u so its fine

 **ryro:** okay thats actually true

 **fernk:** i turned off the talk type shit that was intense  
also billie why are u running  
im assuming ur in trouble bc thats the only time u ever run 

 **bijo:** I STOLE BRENDONS HEELS BACK FOR HIM

 **brendick:** thank ily

 **noodleboi:** whoa lets stop

 **bijo:** YEA AND THEY CALLED SECURITY ON ME   
ITS LITERALLY SHOES   
IM BEING CHASED BC OF SHOES

 **brendick:** i will come find u i want my heels back

 **tyjo:** josh do u have ur phone back yet

 **3:** no he doesnt 

 **tyjo:** why do u still have urs

 **3:** bc im smart

 **mijey:** tres a smart boy he knows what hes doing

 **ramen:** tre has never known what hes doing

 **papi:** announcement time!!!  
on franks birthday we r gonna get wrecked  
not rekt but full on wRECKED

 **mijey:** IM GONNA GET SO FUCKING HIGH 

 **papi:** mikey that sort of behavior is Frowned Upon™  
jk i dont care as long as u dont die bc mom and dad will totally blame me for it

 **mijey:** ok ill try not to die  
and if i do die ghost me will tell mom and dad it was my choice to be a druggo

 **ryro:** subway goals  
*sibling goals  
sorry im thinkin about food rn

 **ramen:** why did u mention food fuck off ryan now im hungry

 **fernk:** thanks for planning my birthday for me bby <3

 **papi:** welc <3

 **ryro:** but mikey if u do die u can join the died once club with me and billie

 **mijey:** but what if i dont come bacc

 **ryro:** that would be a problem  
just dont die 

 **mijey:** cant promise anything

 **brendick:** YA BOI HAS HIS HEELS BACK

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **brendon has his heels back**

 

 **bijo:** WHAT THE FUCK BRENDON HOW ARE U RUNNING FASTER THAN ME IN HIGH HEELS

 **brendick:** EVERYTHING U CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER WHILE WEARING HEELS

 **ryro:** thats actually true brendons a god 

 **josh the living meme:** i cant believe i got dragged into this because tre hugged me

 **3:** sorry :///

 **tyjo:** welcome back josh

 **bijo:** BRENDON JUST FELL OVER THAT WAS SO FUNNY   
ALSO SORRY BUT IM LEAVING U ON THE FLOOR

 **ryro:** billie thats not nice he could be hurt

 **papi:** ryan dont act like u care u just had a coughing fit from laughing too much

 **ryro:** dont expose me

 **brendick:** its okay im not hurt bad  
the emotional pain is worse

 **noodleboi:** brendon u tripped  
stop being so Extra™

 **brendick:** dont understand??? ?

 **bijo:** OKAY IM NOT RUNNING ANYMORE  
which means i can stop typing in caps now

 **3:** if u dont get in shit for this even tho me and josh did i will stab u in the leg with a pencil  
so u can feel some mild discomfort  
i dont wanna actually hurt u  
it was my choice to hug josh and my fault i got caught  
but still fuck u if u get away with this

 

 **\- daldick** changed their own nickname to **dalloween**

 

 **ryro:** so now u finally show up  
where have u been  
why arent u in school  
also nice nickname

 **dalloween:** thank  
i have problem

 **mijey:** dont we all

 **dalloween:** i think im in a crack house right now  
i cannot fidn the exit  
help me there are bodies everywhre i think some might be dead

 **josh the living meme:** i love how u waited until after u changed ur nickname to tell us ur in a crackhouse w/ a load of dead ppl

 **mijey:** @brendon come get ur man hes acting up again

 **brendick:** hes not my man also i dont care he can die bye dallon rip

 **ramen:** breNDON WHAT THE HELL

 **brendick:** hey   
if he wants to be an ass i will also be an ass

 **dalloween:** ur fault for being a jerk in the first place

 **brendick:** yes and ive admitted i was a jerk  
but ur the one who took this way too fucking far

 **dalloween:** bitch i will take it further 

 **brendick:** go ahead see if i care   
bitch

 **dalloween:** fine i will bitch

 **brendick:** FINE I DONT CARE BITCH

 **ramen:** IM RECLAIMING THE ROLE OF MOM FRIEND AGAIN SOMOENE NEEDS TO PARENT U LITTLE DELINQUENTS   
FIRST ORDER AS MOM FRIEND: DALLON GET OUT OF THE CRACK HOUSE GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP THE LAST TIME I SAW U U LITERALLY LOOKED LIKE A ZOMBIE  
SECOND ORDER AS MOM FRIEND: BRENDON STOP ARGUING WITH DALLON EVERY TIME HE SAYS ANYTHING AND STOP ACTING LIKE U DONT CARE ITS SO OBVIOUS U LOVE HIM  
THIRD ORDER AS MOM FRIEND: PLEASE JUST FUCK AND MAKE UP OK

 **3:** mommy being dominant ;)

 **ramen:** fourth order as mom friend: dont ever say that again ever


	85. Extra Thicc™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live and breathe drama okay I'm s o r r y

**fernk:** gerard u better get me something at mcdonalds u shit

 **papi:** im not at mcdonalds?

 **fernk:** bitch ur snapchat map says u are

 **papi:**...  
shit  
what do u want

 **fernk:** 50 chicken nuggets

 **ramen:** 50?

 **fernk:** yes  
50  
and ill probably eat them all by the end of first period

 **tyjo:** we have like 3 mins before class starts and new principal tywin is Extra Strict™

 **josh the living meme:** i read that as Extra Thicc™   
i have sinned 

 **tyjo:** im calling the police

 **bijo:** this just in: new principal tywin is Extra Thicc™

 

 **\- mijey** renamed the group **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **brendick:** extra strict is an understatement do u know how many times hes gave me detention in the past few weekes 

 **ryro:** uh brendon  
did u mean to spell weeks wrong??

 **brendick:** fuCK   
*WEEKS

 **dalloween:** wow brendon anyone would think u had a thing for me  
but thats gay

 **brendick:** shuT UR HELL   
UR THE ONE WHO SNORTED COKE OFF OF A PENIS  
THATS AS GAY AS IT GETS

 **dalloween:** THAT DOESNT COUNT  
I AM HECTOSEXUAL MAN 

 **noodleboi:** what is a hectosexual  
hectagon sexual

 **3:** DALLON FUCKS HECTAGONS 

 **dalloween:** better than fucking brendon 

 **mijey:** daLLON

 **josh the living meme:** gotta get that daily brallon drama 

 **brendick:** anYWAY   
im getting back at tywin for taking my heels

 **ryro:** how

 **brendick:** im coming to school in drag today

 **papi:** yes brendon fuck it up

 **mijey:** i mean im trying to be supportive but thats only gonna make things worse

 **brendick:** yes  
but i look hella good in drag 

 **ryro:** (can confirm he does look hella good in drag)

 **dalloween:** ryan.. thats gay

 **ryro:** dallon.. i am gay

 **3:** thats it  
im also coming in drag

 **bijo:** well now i want to as well

 **noodleboi:** billie sit down ur not going all the way back just to change

 **bijo:** u never let me be myself i want a divorce 

 **tyjo:** we should all come in drag  
not today bc im already here and im lazy  
but tomorrow

 **josh the living meme:** i second that

 **papi:** I THIRD THAT

 **frank:** fuck it lets do it

 **ryro:** u know were gonna get in trouble tho right  
which is complete bullshit  
i bet tywins one of those fuckin "boys should be boys girls should be girls gay people go to hell" assholes

 **3:** i can change that ;))

 **noodleboi:** tre please do not fuck the new principal 

 **3:** can we add ex principal daddy to hear his opinion

 **dalloween:** actually can we not

 **ramen:** oh yea  
i kind of forgot u fucked ex principal daddy

 **brendick:** THATS gay  
ur a gay

 **ramen:** brendon ur being so rude right now

 **dalloween:** can we just never talk about that ever again please

 **brendick:** hey dal  
remember when u fucked the ex principal

 **dalloween:** brendon im serious right now please stop   
i dont even wanna think about any of that

 **brendick:** but why  
was he bad?  
were u bad????

 **dalloween:** brendon this is why everyone outside this chat fucking hates u

 **brendick:** dont be salty bc u fucked the ex principal

 

 **-  dalloween** left **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **bijo:** and the award for biggest piece of shit ever goes to ..... brendon urie!!!

 **josh the living meme:** congratulations brendon ur officially an asshole 

 **brendick:** honestly fuck all of u i dont see u attacking dallon when hes also being a dick

 **fernk:** this is all ur fault tho  
and kind of ryans too

 **ryro:** frank what the hell

 **papi:** ryan u did hook up with brendon twice

 **ryro:** YES BEVAUSE BREADHOB LIED BOTH TIMES  
if ur gonna be shitheads im out

 

 **\- ryro** left **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **3:** breadhob tho  
thats a good one

 

 **\- 3**  changed **brendick's**  nickname to **breadhob**

 

 **breadhob:** i love how im getting blamed for aLL OF THIS WHAT THE FUCK

 **noodleboi:** ARE U SERIOSULY THIS STUPID  
ITS. ALL. UR. FAULT

 **breadhob:** ur all dead to me

 

 **\- breadhob** left **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **tyjo:** whoa  
its weird how calm everything is now

 **noodleboi:** we can all agree that this IS brendons ffault tho right

 **ramen:** well yea  
but ryan shoudnt have got with brendon anyway  
and dallon is kind of blowing this way out of proportion 

 **josh the living meme:** i saw the word blowing and instantly thoght about blowjobs 

 **bijo:** actually same

 **papi:** oh jeez this is kind of awkard  
brendon kind of lives at my house rn

 **mijey:** Fuck™

 **3:** ur problem 

 **papi:** wow tre ur so helpful where did we manage to find a friend like u

 **3:** hell probably 


	86. i smell hostilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey what if someone actually dies from this

**papi:** ray toro is a whoro

 **ramen:** EGARD

 **papi:** EGARD?

 **ramen:** YES EGARD

 

 **\- ramen**  changed **papi's**  nickname to **egard**

 

 **egard:** RAY TORO IS A WHORO

 **mijey:** oh my god

**mijey left Extra Thicc™**

**bijo:** i smell hostilities   
ha ray toro is a whoro

 **ramen:** billie do not

 

 **\- bijo**  changed **ramen's**  nickname to **ray toro is a whoro**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** fuck urself  
actually no  
fuck one of those gross toys that were left out in the yard for 6 years and are covered in mud and shit and dont even look like what its supposed to be

 **noodleboi:** thats... oddly specific

 **egard:** WE ARE GETING OFF TRACK

 **3:** yes we are off track  
we were supposed to go to school in drag  
but where are the Trainwreck Trio™

 **egard:** brendons hiding under a blanket on my bedroom floor   
idk bout the otehr 2

 **tyjo:** dallons handing w/ his football buddies  
ryan doesnt exist anymore

 **fernk:** ur making it sound like he died

 **tyjo:** maybe he did

 **josh the living meme:** the late ryan ross   
rip in piece

 **bijo:** so gerard  
why is ray toro a whoro

 **ray toro is a whoro:** heY LISTEN UP BUD ITS NOT EVEN THAT BIG A DEAL

 **egard:** U MADE OUT WIH MY BROTHER

 **3:** :O

 **noodleboi:** :O

 **josh the living meme:** :O

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** left **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **bijo:** oh wow  
so are they like together or

 **egard:** mikey says theyre not but idfk  
i dont even care but i thought of ray toro is a whoro  
and i had to share it w/ the chat so yea

 **fernk:** so u just caused anotehr shitstorm bc u thought of something funny

 **egard:** yea kinda

 **fernk:** cnat blame u i would do the same thing

 **josh the living meme:** now we have drama x2 to deal with   
thats fun

 **egard:** i can deal with mikey and ray rn

 

 **\- egard** added **mijey** to **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **\- egard** added **ray toro is a whoro** to **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **egard:** I DONT EVEN CARE OK I JUST THOUGH RAY TORO IS A WHORO WAS TOO FUNNY TO NOT TELL EVERYONE

 **ray toro is a whoro:** ur an fuck

 **mijey:** jfc it was a 1 time thing ok get over it

 **egard:** ok were all over it  
dealt w/ it

 **noodleboi:** so why dont u deal with the Trainwreck Trio™ like that

 **egard:** good idea mike but no someone will probably die  
and itll probbaly be brendon

 **fernk:** oh well could be worse  
fucker deserves it

 **tyjo:** um wow thats a bit violent 

 **fernk:** im just done with all 3 of them   
im not friends with any of them until they start being nice to each other again

 **mijey:** i could add them and work my magic and we can go from there

 **3:** dew it  
i live for the drama  
also i want everyone to be friendos again so we can come to school in drag i have  a green dress its very nice

 **bijo:** it is very nice i saw it  
also do u guys think stripper boots would suit me

 **noodleboi:** YES  
DO IT

 **3:** mikes gonna nut over some stripper boots

 **noodleboi:** i am not

 **mijey:** thinsg may get a little hectic rn   
beware

 

 **\- mijey** added **breadhob** to **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **\- mijey** added **ryro** to **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **\- mijey** added **dalloween** to **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **\- mijey** changed the chat settings

 

 **mijey:** hey guys guess what i made out with ray last night

 **dalloween:** thats gay

 **mijey:** im bi

 **dalloween:** thats 50% gay

 **fernk:** dallon ur 100% gay shut the fuck up

 **dalloween:** dont come into my house and throw around accordions 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** throw around accordions 

 **dalloween:** accessories   
acupuncture   
accusations   
ACCUSATIONS

 **ryro:** whats going on now

 **mijey:** me and ray made out

 **ryro:** congratulatiosn i dont care  
MIKEY LET ME LEAVe

 **fernk:** oh boi i sure hope no one dies that wud b tragic

 **egard:** frank behave

 **fernk:** as the good lord once said  
fuck off gerard

 **josh the living meme:** not to be dramatic but i think i might die if this carries on

 **tyjo:** thats being kind of dramatic 

 **josh the living meme:** i just said i WASNT being dramatic good lord tyler cant u read

 **tyjo:** nein

 **bijo:** heres a concept: german bill nye  
bill nein the science guy  
NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN

 **3:** i woudl actually bang bill nye

 **noodleboi:** tre u would bang literally every older man

 **3:** shut ur hell  
i wouldnt bang matt damon  
hes kind of mean

 **noodleboi:** what did matt damon ever do to u

 **3:** he didnt wave back when i saw him in a dennyes parking lot one time

 **ryro:** u saw matt damon in a dennys parking lot?

 **3:** yea and i waved but he blanked me   
so hes dead to me 

 **egard:** wow who wuld have known tre has beef with matt damon

 **noodleboi:** face it  
if anyones gonna have beef with matt damon its gonna be tre

 **mijey:** uh ok this has gona way off the rails  
dallon how are u

 **dalloween:** im fine  
ready to thROW MYSELF OFF A FUCKING BRIDGE

 **ryro:** bye have fun

 **dalloween:** i hope u choke on a fucking lemon ryan

 **ryro:** gladly

 **breadhob:** am i interrupting something

 **dalloween:** only my will to live

 **breadhob:** i thought u already lost that

 **josh the living meme:** OKAY WHOA LISTEN UP   
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH  
STOP WISHING DEATH UPON EACH OTHER AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BE NICE TO EACH OTHER  
REMEMBER BACK WHEN BRENDON AND DALLON WERE MADLY IN LOVE YES I LIKED TAHT TIME THAT WAS A GOOD TIME  
CAN WE GO BACK TO THAT TIME

 **dalloween:** maybe if ryan wasnt around

 **ryro:** hey at least i wasnt just a rebound :)

 **bijo:** RYAN THATS NOT EVEN FUNNY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH U

 **breadhob:** he wasnt "just a rebound" ryan what the fuck

 **dalloween:** fuck off i dont need u defending me

 **ray toro is a whoro:** oH MY DGID DUD)U(*:@DLMKN  
I JUST HEADBTTED MY FUCKING KEYBAOYTD   
WHY   
WHY THE F U C K WAS I CURSED WITH ASSHOLE FRIENDS   
WHY ARE U ALL SO FUCKING ANGRY ALL THE TIMe

 **dalloween:** because brendon and ryan are terrible people

 **ryro:** dallon go back to ur fucking crackhouse and OD on coke or whatever

 **mijey:** GEORGE RYAN ROSS THE THIRD DO NOT EVEN SAY THAT THATS NOT A FUCKING JOKE

 **3:** georGE IM WHEEZING  
IS THAT RLLY UR NAME  
I CANT HANDLE THIS IM GONNA CRY

 **breadhob:** ok so im just gonna deactivate and throw my phone in the sea and u guys can go on without me 

 **dalloween:** good  
bye 

 **ryro:** bye brendon try not to cheat on anyone else

 **breadhob:** u knoW FUCKING WJAT IM NOT GONNA DO IT NOW  
IM STAYING RIGHT HERE UNTIL WE WORK THSI OUT

 **dalloween:** WORK WHAT OUT  
WORK OUT WHICH ONE OF US U WANNA BE WITH AND WHICH ONE OF US U WANNA COMPLETELY FUCK OVER

 **bijo:** im   
holy sh i t  
wow  
i thought me and mike were bad   
but boyyyyy  
this is a whole new level o f insanity  
whoa

 **noodleboi:** yea at least none of us actually wanted te other to die  
kind of

 **bijo:** yea kind of

 **egard:** i actually kind of wanna murder all 3 of them right now

 **fernk:** why cant my birthday be today  
i need an excuse to get blackout drunk 

 **breadhob:** same

 **ryro:** same

 **dalloween:** same


	87. ryllon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> w h a t a m i d o i n g ?

**\- mijey** removed **breadhob** from **Extra Thicc™**

 

 **ryro:** thank u mikey  
guys listen up

 **fernk:** no

 **ryro:** frank shut up  
everyone listen

 **bijo:** im in the middle of a test ryan shut the fuck up

 **ryro:** ok i dont care//??  
ths is important

 **bijo:** SO IS MY FUTURE

 **noodleboi:** bj chill   
i thought u were gonna drop out to start a band

 **bijo:** true  
ok what do u want ryan

 **ryro:** im waiting for everyone to get online i need everyone to go along w/ this  
its fun and we get to fuck with brendon which is like double fun

 **egard:** and does dallon know about this

 **dalloween:** yes  
it was my idea

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so i take it u guys are frends again

 **ryro:** yea we sat down and had a calm discussion and talked about our problems like mature young adults and didnt resort to violence 

 **dalloween:** i mean i had to get stitches in my head but thats not important 

 **ryro:** no that doesnt count  
anyway come on u guys before brendon realizes hes been removed

 **tyjo:** i was paying attention to my class for once but then i saw something about messing with brendon so im here

 **josh the living meme:** hi im here tyler told me there was something happening

 **mijey:** wheres tre

 **3:** tre is unavailable call back later

 **mijey:** wow  
mature

 **3:** mature cheddar cheese is my favorite cheese thanks mikey ur so considerate

 **noodleboi:** (forgot to tell u guys wwere kind of baked rn)  
((especially tre))

 **bijo:** one of these days someones gonna notice were all stoned as fuck   
but not today bitches im gonna go lock myself in a closet

 **3:** me too  
that sounds fun and cozy

 **noodleboi:** yea actully good idea

 **ray toro is a whoro:** wait  
the same closet?

 **bijo:** yes we shall huddle for warmth 

 **noodleboi:** i dont want to share a closet with tre

 **3:** uh ok i see how it is  
i was gonna leave my lifesize cardboard cutout of waluigi to u when i die   
but now i think ill give it to tyler instead

 **tyjo:** oh rad  
thanks tre ur my new best friend

 **josh the living meme:** im gonna burn waluigi

 **tyjo:** *second best friend

 **josh the living meme:** thats what i thought

 **egard:** ok but where did u get a lifesize cardboard cutout of waluigi  
and why do u even have it

 **3:** so many questions such little time i have to go into the closet now

 **noodleboi:** not to be dramatic but i will scream if u come into my closet

 **bijo:** *our closet  
im right here

 **noodleboi:** where

 **mijey:** can u not have this conversation in real life

 **bijo:** N O  
T R E  G E T  O U T  O F  O U R  C L O S E T

 **fernk:** im gonna fucking cry this is so funny oh my god  
u guys should have ur own show where u get fucked up and try to live a normal day

 **noodleboi:** TRE EGTD IUT OF ETHE CLOSRER   
TRE IS IN MY CLOSET]

 **josh the living meme:** mike oh my god i can hear u screeching from my class  
people are concerned

 **noodleboi:** I AM aLSO CONceREdn   
tRE shODUls nOT Ebe IDND MY CLSOste  
g   e   t       o   u   t

 **bijo:** miKE U KNOCKED ALL THE STUFF OFF THE SHELF 

 **egard:** u heard of elf on the shelf now get ready for... mike knocks stuff off the shelf

 **mijey:** gerard

 **egard:** dont take that tone with me son

 **mijey:** ur not my real dad

 **fernk:** mikey dont be so heartless u made himr cry  
hes trying to provide for this family how dare u upset him

 **tyjo:** dont be upsetti have some spaghetti 

 **3:** spaghetero - spaghetti for the straights  
upsetero - when the straighst r sad  
dont be upsetero have some spaghetero

 **bijo:** i feel like i jst learne the meaning of life

 **ray toro is a whoro:** heres a thought: eveyonr acts normal

 **bijo:** sound scare no thank

 **3:** im going to the roof to reflect on my life and also ask myself why am i friends with mike  
what kind of friend wont share his closet  
answer: a terrible friend

 **noodleboi:** shut ur whore mouth u look like an old shoe

 **fernk:** oK IM ACTALLY PHYSICALLY CRYING THERE ARE TEARS COMING OUT OF MY EYES WHAT HAVE U DONE TO ME U EGGS

 **mijey:** frank no offence but ur caucasian a scene  
*causing

 **egard:** "no offence but ur caucasian" same mikey

 **fernk:** U R NOR HELPINg

 **tyjo:** wait u guys ryan and dallon had somthing to say

 **ryro:** thanks tyler

 **dalloween:** wow that was a trip but listen now  
phase 1: me and ryan are gonna fake date to piss brendon off  
we r gonna act so overly in love whenever hes around   
hopefull itll make him realize what a horrible person he is and hell decide to change his ways

 **ryro:** any questions before we get onto phase 2

 **3:** i have 1 question  
has anyone seen a plastic minion toy it was in my pocket but now its gone

 **ryro:** i meant questions about the plan

 **3:** okay i do not have a question  
mike did u tak my minion

 **noodleboi:** i will sacrifice it to the gods to keep u out of my closet

 **3:** :(

 **josh the living meme:** i have a question

 **dalloween:** shoot

 **josh the living meme:** no i mean for tre  
why do u have a plastic minion toy

 **3:** its my good lukc charm   
it keeps away the evil spirits

 **ray toro is a whoro:** does it really tho

 **3:** well brendon hasnt spoke to me since i got it so yes it does

 **ryro:** can u guys maybe focus  
no off topic questions

 **bijo:** wait i have an on topic question  
are u guys gonna fuck

 **ryro:** no  
absolutely not

 **fernk:** but if u guys do fuck itll add to the effect  

 **ryro:** no frank  
we both agreed on no sex

 **dalloween:** hey  
i said no such thing

 **ray toro is a whoro:** dallon u were saying u were straight like 2 days ago and now u wanna fuck a boy whats up w/ u

 **dalloween:** MOVING ON  
phase 2:   
wait what the fuck is phase 2

 **ryro:** idk u were supposed to be working that out

 **dalloween:** ok so turns out we dont even have a phase 2   
were just gonna fake date and annoy brendon ok u guys all have to play along

 **bijo:** what are we playing

 **ryro:** oh my god

 **ray toro is a whoro:** were playing who can stay in a closet and not talk to brendon for the longest

 **bijo:** DONT MEAN TO BRAG BUT IM OBVIOUSLY  GONNA WIN BRENDON CANT EVEN GET IN THIS CLOSET  
whoa caps lock

 **noodleboi:** no bitch im gonna win

 **bijo:** we are in the same closet that means were a team

 **3:** can i join ur team

 **noodleboi:** no

 **bijo:** no

 **3:** :(

 

 **\- ryro** renamed the group **ryllon**

 

 **mijey:** if u add brendon back hes gonna see that

 **ryro:** #fuck

 

 **\- ryro** renamed the group **somebody once told me the roll was gonna roll me**

 

 **egard:** um

 **ryro:** its the first thing i thought of levae me alone


	88. tre/tywin the power couple of 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but have any of you heard modern day cain? that song is my jam

**\- mijey** changed the group settings

 

 **\- mijey** added **breadhob** to **somebody once told me the roll was gonna roll me**

 

 **mijey:** whoa idk how u got removed haha that was weird

 **breadhob:** i didnt even notice   
but hi im back

 **egard:** where did u go i woke up and u werent on the floor

 **breadhob:** im going to talk to the parentals and try to convince them not to have me sent to a fuckin mental hospital 

 **dalloween:** wait  
do they actually wanna do that

 **breadhob:** yea kind of  
u know  
bc of the whole hitting some1 w/ a car ordeal   
they think im "disturbed" which is bullshit  
but anyway why do u care

 **dalloween:** i dont 

 **mijey:** wwow this is going great so far  
so ryan where are u

 **ryro:** hi

 **fernk:** not to alarm anybody but tre has been in tywins office for a freakishly long time  
im not saying theyre fuckin but........... theyre fuckin ;))

 **bijo:** im gonna go listen outside the door lmao mike u in

 **noodleboi:** obvoisluy 

 **josh the living meme:** keep us updated  
anyway ryan dallon how are u guys doing

 **tyjo:** yea u guys have been spending a lot of time togetehr lately   
whats up w/ that

 **dalloween:** tyler... nothings "up" w/ it

 **ryro:** uh??

 **ray toro is a whoro:** oh god i was avoiding this chat for a reason  
hi brendon ur back

 **breadhob:** yea i somehow got removed 

 

 **\- dalloween** removed **breadhob** from **somebody once told me the roll was gonna roll me**

 

 **dalloween:** i cant do this what the fuck  
i tried so hard to be an asshole but i c a n t

 **ryro:** cmon we planned this out so well we have to do it  
at least only for a few days 

 **egard:** u kind of succeeded in being an asshole.. just sayin

 **dalloween:** yea thats bc i was pissed off at first  
but now im just sad i guess idfk 

 **tyjo:** i was waiting for some good ass 10/10 high quality drama dallon how could u do this to me

 **dalloween:** why are we even doing it tho  
whats the end game here

 **ryro:** to piss him off like he pissed us off??  
i dont rlly know  
i didnt think about that  
i just wanted to fuck with him

 **dalloween:** but hes already having a shitty time w/out us adding to it   
fuck u ryan now i feel bad about all of this

 **ray toro is a whoro:** wow   
what is this  
dallon weekes has feelings??????

 **bijo:** im listeing to the door and yes tre is definoetly fuckong tywin  
but im here to tell u both thaT U HAVE TO DO THIS  
THIN OF ALL THE SHIT BRENDON DID TO BOTH OF U  
FUCK. HIM. UP

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **somebody once told me the roll was gonna roll me**

 

 **bijo:** u got removed again wow this is weird???

 **ryro:** yea thats pretty. odd

 **breadhob:** yea whst going on with that  
anyway  
i kidn of wanna apologize for everything ive done in the past few weekes   
ik ive been a massive asshole and if u guys dont forgive me i understand

 **fernk:** bren u spelled weeks wrong again

 **breadhob:** shit

 **dalloween:** ((kill me))

 **noodleboi:** i cant listen to that anymore holy shit  
tre needs jesus  
@tre u need jesus

 **bijo:** ha im gonna fuckin record this shit and use it to blackmail tre 

 **fernk:** billie thats not nice  
but do it anyway

 **3:** MIKE WHAT THE FUCK

 **bijo:** OH MY GOD MIKE LEANT ON THE DOOR AND IT OPENED HOLY FUCK AND I ACCIDENTALLY RECORDED NAKED TYWIN   
THIS IS MENTALLY SCARRING BUT ALSO HILARIOUS   
I JUST PHYSICALLY SCREECHED I DONT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS

 **noodleboi:** THAT WAS SO FUCKNG AWKWARD OH MY GOD I RAN AWAY  
TRE IM SORRY OH MY GOD but what the fuck do u think ur doing with tywin

 **3:** HEY I DONT QUESTION WHAT U DO WITH BILLIE

 **noodleboi:** THATS NOT THE POINT  
1\. ME AND BILLIE ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP   
2\. ME ANS BILLIE ARE THE SAME AGE  
3\. TYWIN IS A FUCKING OLD MAN TRE AN OLD MAN WHAT GOES THROUGH UR MIND WHEN U DO THESE THINGS

 **3:** SHUT UR HELL U DONY KNOW MY LIFE

 

 **\- 3** left **somebody once told me the roll was gonna roll me**

 

 **\- mijey** renamed the group **tre/tywin the power couple of 2017**

 

 **\- mijey** added **3** to **tre/tywin the power couple of 2017**

 

 **3:** MIKEY I WILL HIT U WITH A FLIP FLOp

 **breadhob:** idk what to do with taht information but im lowkey concerned about tres life choices 

 **egard:** brendon u hit someone with a car  
i think u should worry about ur own life choices

 **breadhob:** true

 **ryro:** hey brendon me and dallon have something we wanna say to u

 **breadhob:** go ahead tell me im a piece of shit

 **ryro:** no   
well yes u are  
but its something else  
dallon?

 **dalloween:** yea so funny story  
me and ryan are kind of together?

 **josh the living meme:** theyre rlly cute together :)

 **breadhob:** oh  
that was kinda unexpected  
wow  
ok

 

 **\- breadhob** left **tre/tywin the power couple of 2017**

 

 **mijey:** thats probably not a good sign  
someone should go check on him  
not dallon or ryan tho

 **tyjo:** bugsy not me

 **noodleboi:** ive had enough emotional trauma today

 **bijo:** SAME

 **3:** same

 **egard:** ray ur the mom friend go do ur momming

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i knew one of u fucks would say for me to go  
so im already walking to hs house  
i just hope i dont get caught up in whatever family drama he has going on

 **dalloween:** wow i feel like a fucking asshole  
end my life pls

 **ryro:** dall stop being whiny itll be funny 

 **fernk:** i mean this does kind of seem like a terrible idea now

 **egard:** frank dont be a nerd 

 **fernk:** shut ur fuck

 **josh the living meme:** so ...  
tre seriously what the fuck man

 **3:** doNT QUESTION WHAT I DO OK

 **bijo:** u guys i have the video

 **ryro:** dont

 **noodleboi:** dont

 **egard:** dont

 **mijey:** dont

 **tyjo:** dont

 **fernk:** dont

 **dalloween:** dont

 **3:** dont

 **ray toro is a whoro:** dont

 **josh the living meme:** dont

 **bijo:** i love how all of u sent that at the same time  
ok ill be considerate of ur feelings   
im sorry for bringing it up

 **3:** thanks bilie

 **bijo:**...  
Y E E T

_**bijo sent a video to tre/tywin the power couple of 2017** _

**3:** oh mY GOD I WANT TO DIE


	89. @ frerard pls can u stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is very short and it's just the MCR bois but I felt like I needed to add it in

**egard:** frank seriously what the fuck   
why would u even do that  
i cant believe u thought u could get away with something like that

 **fernk:** im sorry oh my god pls stop  
do not put this in the chat

 **egard:** no i wont stop  
and yes i will put it in the chat  
do u have any idea how shitty that was

 **fernk:** yes i know fuck   
i already apologized 5000 times i wasnt thinking im sorry

 **mijey:** what the hell is happening now  
i turned my phone off for 1 class and ur causing shit again  
im gonna fucking destroy technology i swear

 **fernk:** its nothing mikey dont worry  
gerards being a dramatic bitch as usual

 **egard:** honestly fuck u   
u obviously dont give a shit 

 **fernk:** NO I DONT   
GET OVER IT   
I ALREADY SAID IT WAS A MISTAKE AND I DIDNT MEAN IT

 **egard:**  BULLSHIT   
I DONT BELIEVE U

 **mijey:** hey can u guys maybe calm down i just wanna sit and chill for 2 minutes

 **egard:** ok fine   
sorry mikey but frank is actually so inconsiderate sometimes

 **fernk:** oh MY GOD STOP  
UR SO GODDAMN EXTRA SOMETIMES

 **egard:** IM ONLY EXTRA BC U MAKE ME EXTRA

 **mijey:** im done  
@ray come control the children

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i wasnt opening these messages for a reason mikey  
but today is my off day im not dealing with any relationship drama ok goodbye

 **mijey:** no u cant leave me here w/ them theyre gonna make me insane  
ray pls  
do not leave

 **fernk:** I DONT "MAKE U EXTRA" GERARD UR ALREADY EXTRA UR THE MOST EXTRA PERSON I KNOW  
(except maybe brendon)

 **egard:** OK BUT I HAVE A PERFECTLY VALID REASON TO BE EXTRA THIS TIME FRANK  
DO U EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME 

 **fernk:** NO

 **egard:** SO BASICALLY U JUDT DONT CARE  
OK FINE I SEE HOW IT IS

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so mikey whats going on with u today

 **mijey:** nothing much  
just chillin 

 **fernk:** SEE HOW WHAT IS?  
WHAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT GERARD

 **egard:** IM TALKING ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP FRANK  
U DONT CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL OR U WOULDNT HAVE DONE WHAT U DID

 **fernk:** ehAT  
WHAT  
I CANT   
WHAT I DID HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR RELATIOSNGIP 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** im turning my phone off in 5 minutes if u 2 dont stop

 **mijey:** im smashing my phone in 2 minutes if they dont stop

 **egard:** well im sorry but frank is a terrible person

 **fernk:** and gerard is a little bitch

 **egard:** frank is an inconsiderate asshole

 **fernk:** gerard is a shithead

 **egard:** frank is a motherfucker

 **fernk:** gerard is a dramatic dickweed

 **egard:**  FRANK IS A BAD BOYFRIEND

 **fernk:** GERARD IS AN EVEN WORSE BOYFRIEND

 **ray toro is a whoro:** @ frerard pls can u stop

 **egard:** I WILL STOP WEHEN FRANK STOPS BEING EVIL

 **mijey:** OH MY GOD DONT  
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE LATELY  
ITS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN ANGEL ASSHOLE CAME DOWN OUT OF THE SKY AND TOLD THE SQUAD TO FALL APART   
CAN U BEHAVE PLEASE  
WHAT THE FUCK EVEN HAPPENED

 **fernk:** gerards just taking everything way too seriously and freaking out over nothing

 **egard:** ITS NOT "NOTHING" TO ME FRANK

 **ray toro is a whoro:** frank dude what did u do  
gerard is never this extra without a good reason

 **fernk:** I DIDNT DO ANYYTHING TO DESERVE THIS AMOUNT OF HATE   
WHAT THE FUCK GERARD CHILL THE FUCK OUT

 **mijey:** gerard what did he even do holy shit

 **egard:** he ate my pizza rolls


	90. oh how the fidgets have spinned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guest starring everyone's favorite ex principal 
> 
> also i realized that in literally every other group chat au the nicknames/chat name dont change nearly half as much as they do in this chat... should i chill on that or what??

**3:** i changed my phone font to comic sans and now it wont go away i feel threatened help me what do i do  
guys im serious it wont go away  
everything is in comic sans and i cant take anything seriously anymore  
i am afraid

 **mijey:** comic sans - the only thing to ever scare troy  
*tre oh my god

 

 **\- noodleboi**  changed **3's**  nickname to **troy**

 

 **bijo:** lets not  
please  
its reminding me of high school musical

 **fernk:** oh yea did billie ever tell u guys about his obsession with high school musicla

 **bijo:** 911 im being harassed 

 **fernk:** hey billie  
get ur head in the game

 **bijo:** ill put ur head in the game in a minute  
but it wont be a game itll be a bear trap

 **troy:** *war flashbacks*

 **ryro:** ok u know what this school is complete bullshit  
me and dal just got kicked out of class for "making ppl uncomfortable"   
he fuCKING HUGGED ME  
HE HUGGED ME FOR LIKE 2 SECONDS YET THE STRAIGHTS ARE ALLOWED TO ALMOST FUCK IN THE HALLS 

 **dalloween:** ryan pls u already screamed at 6 different teachers about this  
and every one of them told u to shut up

 **egard:** hes making a godo point

 **fernk:** godo

 **egard:** shut

 **fernk:** g o d o  
frodo baggins  
GODO BAGGINS

 **egard:** 911 im being harassed 

 **bijo:** bitch thats my line

 **egard:** oh how the fidgets have spinned 

 **josh the living meme:** how dare u make me read that with my own 2 eyes

 **tyjo:** that physically hurt me  
gerard ur family is worried about u

 **troy:** fidget spinners more like fidget SINNERS am i right 

 **mijey:** this is why aliens wont visit us

 **josh the living meme:** why would aliens wanna visit us anyway  
were all mentally unstable hormonal gay idiots

 **mijey:** i mean us as in the entire human race  
not just us in the chat

 **josh the living meme:** oh

 **bijo:** yes josh i know its weird but people outside this chat do exist

 **noodleboi:** billie u dont speak to anyone else ever u anti social little shit u cant rlly say much here

 **bijo:** mike shut the fuck up u hissed at a girl yesterday for saying good morning 

 **noodleboi:** she spoke only lies  
mornings are never good  
she cant be trusted

 **mijey:** maybe aliens visited 1000s of years ago and they wiped out the human race and now were the aliens

 **fernk:** spooky  
too spooky

 **ray toro is a whoro:** ok hello hi i completely forgot to update u guys on the brendon situation oops  
but in short hes rlly not okay and im gonna fight his parents

 **dalloween:** i mean  
i want to b happy that hes sufering   
but i just kind of hate myself instead

 **egard:** ray can u elaborate a little i need to know WHY ur gonna fight his parents

 **ray toro is a whoro:** thyere so homophobic its actually scary and they know brendons one of the gays and theyre just constantly givin him shit for it  
and i think that may be the reason he acts like an asshole sometimes

 **tyjo:** u kno what we gotta do bois  
we gotta kidnap brens parents & take them to nebraska and leave them with std

 **bijo:** who

 **noodleboi:** oh yea we nicknamed ur stepdad std   
it means shady truck dude

 **bijo:** std is a rlly accurate name 

 **dalloween:** ur welcome  
i came up w/ it

 **ray toro is a whoro:** no  
were not kidnapping anyone else   
im having fun not being in prison 

 **troy:** oakay i know what to do  
we add ex principal daddy to see how he would handle this

 **mijey:** no tre

 **noodleboi:** OH SHIT YEAH I FORGOT TO TELL U GUYS  
TYWIN QUIT HIS JOB BC OF THE VIDEO SO WE DONT ACTUALLY HAVE A PRINCIPAL RIGHT NOW  
TRE ADD EX PRINCIPAL DADDY WE NEED TO CONVINCE HIM TO COME BACK

 **troy:** IM CRYING IN CLASS IM SO HAPPY

 **fernk:** can confirm hes literally crying 

 

 **\- troy** added **DADDY** to **tre/tywin the power couple of 2017**

 

 **troy:** oh god is that seriosuly still the group name

 **bijo:** yes  
we have to humiliate u in some way

 **troy:** true  
ex principal daddy can u get ur ass in the chat pls

 **DADDY:** Why are you doing this again?

 **josh the living meme:** THE GRAMMAR FREAKS ME OUT WTF  
DONT DO THATS  
STOP IT

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i cant believe u tre 

 **troy:** anyway  
@ exp daddy  
we no longer have a principal bc of some  _questionable activities_ so do u wanna maybe come back

 **DADDY:** No.  
I want to leave.

 **ryro:** we need ur advice on a thing  
would it be bad if we kidnapped another 2 people to dumb in nebraska

 **tyjo:** ofc it would be bad ryan everything we do is bad  
u mean would it be suspicious if 2 ppl just disappeared 

 **mijey:** well duh it would obviosuly be suspicious people dont just randomly disappear

 **dalloween:** they do when there are aliens

 **egard:** we already established aliens are not going to visit us ever

 **fernk:** only bc of ur figet spinner quote

 **egard:** so im the reason aliens wont visit us?

 **bijo:** well yes  
its common knowlegde  
the alien overlord told all of his alien children they cant ever come to earth bc of gerard and his fidget spinners

 

 **\- noodleboi** renamed the group **stop talking about fidget spinners**

 

 **\- egard** renamed the group **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **noodleboi:** frank come get ur man 

 **fernk:** im dressing up as a fidget spinner for halloween

 **egard:** sexy

 **noodleboi:** no this is not what i wanted

 **DADDY:** I'm concerned.

 **dalloween:** me 2 daddy me 2

 **DADDY:** Please don't call me that. Ever.

 **dalloween:** hey we shared a very intimidating moment   
or did that mean nothing to u

 **ryro:** *intimate   
learn to spell

 **dalloween:** no

 **bijo:** mike what would u do if i dressed up as a fidget spinner

 **noodleboi:** i would disown u and take u out of my will and fling u into the sun

 **bijo:** jokes on u that sounds fun

 **DADDY:** I don't understand a single thing that's happening here. 

 **josh the living meme:** no one ever does  
sum crazy shit went down since u wre last here tho do u wanna know

 **DADDY:** Not really but you're going to tell me anyway.

 **josh the living meme:** well obviously  
first of all brendon tried to kill someone and got kicked out of his house  
then dallon turned into a Straight™ almost had a mental breakdown became a drug addict blacked out for a few days and then woke up in a crack house  
everyone planned to come to school in drag but it didnt happen for some reason  
mikey & ray hooked up   
tre has beef w/ matt damon  
dallon and ryan are fake dating to piss off brendon but hes not even pissed hes just sad  
AND TRE FUCKED TYWIN AND NOW TYWIN QUIT AND THATS THE REASON WE DONT HAVE A PRINCIPAL ANYMORE  
oh and frank and gerard almost broke up over some pizza rolls

 **troy:** joSH  
and yea fuck matt damon he didnt even wave back

 **dalloween:** hey i did not become a drug addict what the fuck josh

 **mijey:** we dont talk about the hooking up anymore

 **DADDY:** So now you want me to come back and be the principal again?  
I will think about it.

 **noodleboi:** so what ur saying is  
ur anaconda will consider it?

 **ray toro is a whoro:** mike u need to stop

 **DADDY:** My anaconda will consider it, yes.

 **troy:** holY FUCKING SHIT   
READING THAT MIXED WITH THE COMIC SANS FONT JUST SENT ME OVER THE EDGE  
I INHALED MY COKE AND THEN CHOKED AND LITERALLY PUKED   
I HOPE UR HAPPY DADDY

 **tyjo:** idk what it is but the ex principal talking about anacondas has got me shook

 **egard:** well the ex principal IS a kinky shit  
remember?

 **fernk:** gerard u cant say that

 **egard:** u ate my pizza rolls i can say wjat i want

 **fernk:** HSJHBNX  
NO

 **mijey:** WE DONT TALK ABOUT THE PIZZA ROLLS ANYMORE OKAY  
ITS A RULe

 **dalloween:** should we add brendon so he can say hi to ex principal daddy 

 **DADDY:** I can do well without speaking to Brendon actually.

 **dalloween:** i dont care????

 

 **\- dalloween** added **breadhob** to **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **breadhob:** whos fucking fidget spinners

 **troy:** gerard  
also ex principal daddy is back

 **breadhob:** hi ex principal daddy

 **DADDY:** No.

 **ryro:** IM CRYINF   
BRENDON HE HATES U BOI  
WHAT DID U EVEN DO TO HIM

 **breadhob:** im???  
i dont even remember  
what the fuck  
WAIT   
IS THIS BECAUSE I KICKED UR DOOR IN  
BC MIKE AND BILLIE WERE THERE TOO BUT I DONT SEE U HATIN ON THEM

 **DADDY:** No this isn't about that. Do you remember your freshman year?

 **bijo:** well that was before u met us so tahst ur problem

 **ryro:** why dont i know what happend  this isnt fair

 **breadhob:** oh shit i forgot about that  
haha oops  
i mean i did apologize right

 **DADDY:** No.

 **breadhob:** ok fine ill do it now  
sorry i hid under ur desk and jumped out and scared u so bad u had a heart attack and spilled boiling hot coffee on ur crotch and had to go to the hospital 

 **dalloween:** bbrendon holy shit u almost killed ex principal daddy

 **DADDY:** I've never fully gotten over that.

 **egard:** whoa  
brendon have u always been a weird little psycho

 **breadhob:** ya pretty much

 **DADDY:** It's time for me to leave now.  
Goodbye.

 

 **\- DADDY** left **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **mijey:** calling it now  
brendons gonna be the first one of us to be a convicted murderer

 **ray toro is a whoro:** "the first one of us"


	91. hospital trip with joshler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing happens at all in this chapter  
> but hey  
> it's still being posted

**ryro:** dallon

 **dalloween:** what

 **ryro:** get out of my bed 

 **dalloween:** no

 **breadhob:** cant u guys have this conversation in person

 **ryro:** no

 **dalloween:** no

 **breadhob:** why are u even in his bed

 **dalloween:** i was sleeping until he punched me 

 **ryro:** ur taking up all the room  
this bed is only made for 1 person

 **dalloween:** ur arms are everywhere what the fuck ryan

 **ryro:** well ur fucking twin tower legs are everywhere what the fuck dallon

 **breadhob:** u guys are gross 

 

 **\- breadhob** left **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** 2 questions  
why is dallon in ryans bed  
why is anyone in bed at 5pm 

 **ryro:** 1: we r boyfriends and thats what boyfriends do  
2: we r lazy and thats what we do

 **egard:** ur not actually boyfriends tho  
WAIT AR EU GUYS REALLY DATING NW  
I KNEW IT FUCKING YES  
FRANK U LIL BITCH U OWE ME $10

 **fernk:** NO  
FUCK OFF   
RYAN DALLON I WIL FUCKINGF MUDER BOTHF OF U

 **dalloween:** WERE NOT DATING PH MY GOD I JUST FELL ASLEEP AT HS HOUSE AND THEN HE PUNCHED ME AND WOKE ME UP

 **egard:** oh   
shit

 **fernk:** ha 

 **bijo:** before me and mike dated i was always in his bed

 **noodleboi:** thats bc we were fuck buddies 

 **bijo:** oh yeah  
wait maybe dal and ryan are fuck buddies

 **ryro:** we are not  
is anyone gona add bredon back  
wait where are joshler  
wheres tre  
wheres mikey

 **egard:** mikeys being salty bc i used his money to fix my phone that he broke

 **mijey:** i didnt break it 

 **egard:** u broke it

 **mijey:** I DIDNT BREAK IT

 **egard:** u broke it

 

 **\- mijey** left **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** why is everyone so grumpy today 

 **troy:** im not supposed to tell u guys this but  
.....   
mikeys having some issues with pete

 **ryro:** who

 **egard:** pete wentz  
aka his fuck buddy   
at least that exolains why hes acting like a whiny brat   
HE JUST HIT ME

 **fernk:** get rekt

 **troy:** dont tel him i told u

 **dalloween:** what kind of issues

 **troy:** petes in a real relationship now with patrick  
pete no longer wants to fuck mikey  
mikey has the sadness 

 **bijo:** wjo the fuck is patrick  
also tre where have u even been all day  
me and michael have been so lonely w/out u 

 **noodleboi:** no we havent   
also dont call me michael

 **troy:** i havent been anywhere???

 **ryro:** so wheres joshler  
joshler where u at 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** theyre probably doing the sexual 

 **tyjo:** that is not correct  
were in our treehouse 

 **bijo:** wait u have a treehouse   
thats so cool  
mike lets go to the tree house

 **josh the living meme:** no one is invited to the tree house  
uu guys r way too wild   
u might break something   
no offence

 **fernk:** eh  
we are kind of chaotic sometimes

 **ryro:** im adding mikey and brendon back

 

 **\- ryro** added **breadhob** to **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **\- ryro** added **mijey** to **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

**tyjo:** the tree house is cancelled josh just fell out of it

 **josh the living meme:** IT REALLY HURTS  
I THINK I BROKE MY HAND

 **breadhob:** wiat u have a treehouse

 **tyjo:** yes  
no u cant come in 

 **breadhob:** :(

 **egard:** so   
who wants to meet up and do some shit

 **mijey:** no

 **dalloween:** just bc ur too busy angsting over pete

 **mijey:** NO IM NOT  
TRE

 **troy:** U SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I CANNOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT EVER

 **josh the living meme:** come with us to the hospital if u want i have to get my hand checked  
its rlly bad 

 **bijo:** thats what u get for not inviting us to ur tree house u meanies 

 **fernk:** one sec   
changing my name to something halloweenish

 

 **\- fernk** changed their own nickname to **frankenstein**

 

 **mijey:** thats so basic 

 **frankenstein:** fuck off mikey go whine over pete

 **mijey:** shT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PETE I DONT EVEN CARE  
HE CAN GO OFF AND BE HAPPOY WITH PATRICJ I DONT EVE FCARE ANYNKORE OK IM DONE WITH PETE STUPDJ FUCKODNG PETE

 

 **\- mijey** left **I WILL FUCK A WHOLE FIDGET SPINNER**

 

 **tyjo:** teenagers am i right

 **egard:** tyler u are a teenager 

 **nooleboi:** u guys   
listen up  
this is aimed at brendon dallon and ryan but stil everyone listen up  
i have a solution for the relationship drama

 **breadhob:** the relationship drama is over mike

 **ryro:** yes mike pls leave it alone   
please

 **noodleboi:** i suggest a threesome 

 **dalloween:** ok well thats not gonna happen

 **breadhob:** thats a good way for someone to die  
and itll probably be me

 **frankenstein:** i actually kind of made a bet with billie about u guys ending up in some sort of threesome

 **bijo:** i bet they would  
so please all just fuck so i get my $20

 **ryro:** no thank 

 **tyjo:** are u guys coming or not  
bc johshs hand literally looks like its gonna fall off 

 **josh the living meme:** I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY HAND HOW WILL I PLAY THE DRUMS

 **ray toro is a whoro:** with ur head

 **breadhob:** i just pictured josh aggressivley headbutting a drumkit  
thanks ray

 

 **\- dalloween** renamed the group **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **egard:** rip my fidget spinner fantasies 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** shut the fuck

 **bijo:** im gonna break into the hospital vending machine   
im hungry 

 **frankenstein:** 1 time i faked stomach pains so my mom would take me to the hospital just so i could use the vending machine  
she was mad but i got food so i didn care

 

 **\- bijo** removed **breadhob** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **ryro** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **dalloween** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **noodleboi:** billie what the hell are u doing 

 **bijo:** I JUST HAD A STROKE OF GENISU OKAY  
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION KIDDOS  
WE GO THE HOSPITAL WITH TYLER AND JOSH  
WE FIND A JANITOR CLOSET OR WHATEVER  
WE LOCK BRENDOD DALLON AND RYAN IN THE CLOSET  
AND THEN WE WAIT IT OUT AND THEYLL FUCK AND MAKE UP

 **frankenstein:** im on board but that means i lose $20

 **bijo:** i know its gr8

 **ray toro is a whoro:** I LOVE THIS IDEA  
YES OK TONIGHT WERE SETTING UP RYDENALLON

 **egard:** what the fuck ray its not rydenallon  
its brallyan

 **troy:** its actually bryallon

 **tyjo:** BRYLLON  
LETS CALL THEM BRYLLON

 **ray toro is a whoro:** YES   
OPERATION SAVE BRYLLON

 **josh the living meme:** add them back before they get susipcisous 

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **ryro** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **dalloween** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **breadhob:** billie what the actual fuck

 **bijo:** accidents happen brendon dont get salty  
so are u coming on the hospital trip or nah

 **dalloween:** that involves getting out of bed and putting clothes on  
its a no from me

 **egard:** dallon i will buy u whatever u want from mcdonalds if u come with us

 **ryro:** ive never seen anyone get out of a bed so fast 

 

 **\- frankenstein** added **mijey** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **frankenstein:** get in loser were going to the hospital 


	92. self control? never heard of her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHat am i doing?

**troy:** i arrive at the hospital  
me: bored  
meds: stolen  
doctors: pissed  
i am forcibly removed from the hospital

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i know thats a meme  
but   
did that actually happen...??/?

 **troy:** no  
but i do have a bunch of stolen meds in my pockets and theres a suspicious doctor following me  
so the prophecy might come true who knows

 **egard:** weve been here for all of 7 minutes tre   
do u have no self control

 **troy:** self control? never heard of her

 **tyjo:** theres so many people wwere gonne be here for HOURS

 **bijo:** thats a good thing 

 **ryro:** how

 **bijo:**...  
because  
tre needs to steal more meds obviously 

 **troy:** im gonna sell them at school tomorrow 

 **frankenstein:** hey i wanna be part of this drug ring 

 **troy:** ya sure

 **breadhob:** CNA I JOIN  
IM REALY GOOD AT DRUG DEALNG

 **ryro:**???

 **troy:** EVERYOEN IS INVITED TO JOIN ME FRANK AND BRENDON IN DRUG DEALING

 **mijey:** no thank u i dotn want to go to prison

 **tyjo:** ok so joshs hand is actually broke and hes tryijg his best to type a message but he cant   
no one laugh at him okay

 **josh the living meme:** mn. yuY 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** inspirational 

 **dalloween:** so can we leave and get mcdonalds now  
gerard said hed buy me mcdonaldns

 **egard:** josh needs ot get his hand sorted

 **breadhob:** oh mY GOD  
if i have to watch dallon and ryan being gross any longer im gonna murder both of them

 **ryro:** brendon u cant sya anything about ppl being "gross" after u gave dallon a handjob in public that one time

 **frankenstein:** WHAT

 **ray toro is a whoro:** details  
now

 **mijey:** actually i think im fine w/out detaails

 **dalloween:** BRENDON I TOLD U NOT TO TELL ANYONE THAT

 **bijo:** im kicking all 3 of u out of the chat for being overly sexual

 

 **\- bijo** removed **ryro** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **dalloween** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **breadhob** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **noodleboi:** "overly sexual" he says  
bille my man thats nothing compared to the shit u say

 **bijo:** its a trick michael  
i removed them so we can work on our plan   
bc we never specifiied HOW we get them in the closet

 **mijey:** wait what  
what closet  
why are they going in a closet

 **ray toro is a whoro:** OH MY GOD MIKEY DOESNT KNOW  
MIKEY U POOR SOUL WE NEVER TOLD U THE PLAN BC U WERE BEING EMO OVER PETE

 **mijey:** what plan  
why do i suddenly have a very bad feeling 

 **egard:** basically were setting up brendoj dallon and ryan to have a threesome in a closet

 **mijey:** wow  
okay im in

 **bijo:** GOOD  
so how do we get them into the closet to initiate the threesome

 **noodleboi:** "initiate the threesome" i love that

 **egard:** we carry them

 **frankenstein:** dallons 10 feet tall im not carrying him anywhere

 **egard:** we lure them into the closet with candy

 **troy:** literally none of them would fall for that  
except maybe brendon

 **tyjo:** we just drag them in there and say they can come out when theres no more sexual tension between the 3 of them

 **ray toro is a whoro:** do we rlly want them to know we set it up tho  
i can deal without brendon stabbing in my sleep thanks

 **bijo:** ok good point  
OKAY I HAVE ANOTHER STORK OF GENIUS  
U GUYS REMEMBER THAT SCENE FROM FRIENDS 

 **troy:** ive never seen friends

 **bijo:** first of all how dare u  
WAIT I HAVE A BETTER PLAN  
I JUST HAVE TO FIND A DOCTOR TO HELP ME

 **noodleboi:** i am concerned already

 **tyjo:** josh update: his hand is being xrayed   
he says we getter get bryllon together he didnt break his hand for nothing

 **frankenstein:** billie whats ur new plan  
and why do u need a doctor  
also can i help  
also hurry up b/d/r are getting mad they wanna be added back 

 **bijo:** OKAY SO IM GONNA GET A DOCTOR TO GIVE ME A KEY TO A CLOSET AND ALSO HIS CLOTHES   
FRANK YES U CAN HELP I NEED U TO DRESS UP AS A DOCTOR AND GO INTO THE CLOSET  
IM GONNA TELL The Trainwreck Trio™ TO FOLLOW ME BC SOMETHING INTERESTING  
IM GONNA LEAD THEM TO FRANKS CLOSET AND FRANK IS GONNA ASK DALLON TO GET SOMETHING OFF THE TOP SHELF   
IM GONNA ALSO GO INTO THE CLOSET AND BE LIKE YO BREN RY COME LOOK @ THIS SO BRENDON AND RYAN ARE ALSO IN THE CLOSET  
THEN FRANK IS GONNA RUN OUT OF THE CLOSET AND LOCK THE DOOR BUT MAKE SURE IM ALSO OUT O FTHE CLOSET  
SCREENSHOT THIS MESSAGE IM DELETING IT SO THEY DOMT SEE IT 

 **frankenstein:** gotcha space cowboy  
this is exciting i am excited 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** wait i have a question  
how are u gonna get a doctor to give u a key and his uniform

 **bijo:** im gonna tell him i have a mission to set up 3 angsty gay boys 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** oh

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **ryro** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **dalloween** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **bijo:** i hope u thought about ur actions

 **ryro:** yes we did  
also fuck u

 **tyjo:** josh update: his hand is being bandaged up   
poor baby :(

 **dalloween:** YES that means i get mcdonalds soon

 **bijo:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **breadhob:** uh what billie

 **bijo:**  nothing  
wrong chat  
dont worry

 **ryro:** how many chats are u in  
arent we ur only friends

 **bijo:** exCUSE  
I HAVE ONE (1) WHOLE OTHER FRIEND  
HIS NAME IS JASON

 **noodleboi:** I REMEMBER JASON  
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM

 **bijo:** nothing happened to him he juts had to stop hanging out with us bc his mom thought we were bad people

 **troy:** we are bad people  
i feel like a mob boss right now

 **egard:** ah yes  
tre cool: the most feared mob boss in the entire hospital waiting room

 **josh the living meme:** mHEYG  
whh  
IT HURFSTS

 **mijey:** relatable

 **tyjo:** every1 be nice to josh

 **dalloween:** CAN WE LEVAE NOW I WANT MCDONSLADS

 **egard:** "mcdonslads" ok dallon

 **bijo:** NO WE CANT LEAVE   
brendon dallon ryan i need u guys to come w/ me for 1 minute

 **ryro:** no

 **breadhob:** no

 **dalloween:** no

 **frankenstein:** its interesting we promise

 **noodleboi:** ya billie found something cool   
u guys should go check it out

 **ryro:** this sounds really fucking shady 

 **breadhob:** shut up ryan i am Intrigued™

 **dalloween:** i am also international

 **mijey:** go have fun with billie behave dont kill anyone

 **ryro:** were walking down an empty hall how can we kill anyone

 **breadhob:** mikey were in a hospital this is the best place to commit murder

 **tyjo:** brendon what the fuck no 

 **josh the living meme:** so i figured i can type way better if i use my nose and my good hand   
go me   
im so smarT  
i should get an award

 **troy:** uh u guys  
theres a squad of angery doctors following u

 **mijey:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **ryro:** yea so  
we didn do anything wrong  
wait brendon what did u do when u "went to the bathroom"

 **breadhob:** i went to the bathroom ryan oh my god  
i love how u just assume i did something im not supposed to

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i love how we all text each other in the chat when we can just talk irl

 **egard:** ray thats boring 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** everythings boring 

 **troy:** u kno whats not boring  
getting high on pain  meds  
anyone wana join

 **breadhob:** trE NO WE HAVE TO SELL THOSE 

 **noodleboi:** were all going to end up in jail i can see it now  
bugsy being cellmates with billie

 **ryro:** bugsy being with dal <#

 **egard:** <#

 **mijey:** <#

 **dalloween:** <#

 **ryro:** hey fuck off i meant <3

 **breadhob:** wait if u guys are cellmates where do i go

 **tyjo:** its ok brendon ur probably gonna be sentenced to death anyway

 **breadhob:** cant argue there

 **tyjo:** josh update: he gave up trying to message the chat and he wants me to tell u guys hes very upset about his hand

 **ryro:** OKAY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK SOME DOCTOR GUY JUST LOCKED US ALL IN A CLOSET????  
AND THEN RAN AWAY????????????????????????????????????????????????

 **mijey:** wait what  
oh m god  
are u ok

 **ryro:** WE ARE IN A CLOSET MIKEY  
A CLOSET  
THE DOOR WONT OPEN AND ITS VERY CROWDED

 **dalloween:** i just want mcdonalds why does this always happen

 **breadhob:** my main concern is how bad i need to pee right now

 **bijo:** IM GOING RO FUCKNG KILL SOMEONE 

 **frankenstein:** uhH IM SURE THERS A REASONABLE EXPLANATION  
ILL GO FIND HELP

 **noodleboi:** wait billie are u also in the closet

 **bijo:** YES  
WHAT TEH FUCK

 **tyjo:** OH MY GOD  
JOSH ALSO SAYS OH MY GOD

 **ray toro is a whoro:** oh boy  
uHM  
okay maybe kick the door dowN???

 **breadhob:** i cannot theres not enough room

 **troy:** is that slang for ur too weak

 **breadhob:** nO TRE ITS SLANG FOR THERES NOT ENOUGH ROOM  
IM PRESSED RIGH AGAINST RYANS ASS ITS NOT EVEN FUNNy

 **egard:** sounds sexy ;)

 **ryro:** it would be if brendon and billie werent here

 **bijo:** DO U THINK I WANT TO BE HERE  
WHICHEVER ONE OF U IS TOUCHINg MY DICK IS GOING TO GET SLAPPED

 **dalloween:** IM SORRY  
I WOULD MOVE BUT I LITERALLY CANT

 **troy:** dillie is my new otp <3

 **noodleboi:** trE NO

 **ryro:** trE NO

 **troy:** wow  
a double trE NO  
first time ever   
amazing

 **tyjo:** josh says hes very sad ur in a closet and he hopes no one dies

 **ryro:** thanks josh

 

 **\- bijo** removed **dalloween** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **ryro** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** removed **breadhob** from **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **mijey:** wat are u doing now

 **bijo:** its ok theyre all too busy yelling at each other to notice  
FRANK U FUCKING MENACE  WHAT THE FUCK

 **frankenstein:** I PANICKED AND RAN AWAY OK THERE WERE A FUCK TON OF PEOPLE AROUND AND I LOOKED SHADY AS SHIT  
IMM SORRY BILLIE  
I CANT LET U OUT BC THE OTHERS WILL ESCAPE

 **bijo:** WELL WHO CARES  
THEYRE OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA FUCK THEYRE ALL FIGHTING AGAN  
please help me this closet is very crowded and someoens dick is rubbing agaisnt me

 **noodleboi:** this is actually hilarious oh m god  
billie im sorry but imagining u stuck in a closet w/ the Trainwreck Trio™ has legit got me on the floor crying

 **troy:** hes actually crying 

 **bijo:** frank pls just come get us out i dont care about bryllon the small space is freaking me out like a lot

 **frankenstein:** sooo  
funny story  
i ran away so i could give the dr his clothes and the key  
but now i cant find him to get the key back  
i also cant even remember which closet u guys are locked in there are so many closets this place is closet central  
im also lost

 **bijo:** FARBK

 **egard:** "farbk"   
same billie same

 **egard:** who knows maybe itll be a foursome ;))))

 **noodleboi:** no

 **bijo:** IM CRAWLING INTO THE CEILING  
WISH ME LUCK  
I JUST FELL OUT OF THE CEILNG  
OK EVERYONE FELL OVER AND I AM STCK UNDERNEATH RYAN

 **mijey:** should we.. add them back..... and........... explain?

 **ray toro is a whoro:** nO MIKEY   
ADD THEM BACK YES   
EXPLAIN NO

 **frankenstein:** IM SORRY I CANT FIND THE DOCTOR THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME   
U GUYS ARE ALL GONNA DIE IN A CLOSET AND ITS MY FAULT

 **bijo:** RYAN AN DALLON ARE BEING SO EXTRA JUST BC BRENDONS HERE AND IM STUCK /LITERALLY/ IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL OF THEM   
OH MY GOD YOOO DALLON KISSED RYAN   
LIKE FULL ON  
FUCKING MOUTH KISSING  
H O L Y S H I T

 **ray toro is a whoro:** yea becayse brendons there  
its fake chill billie

 **bijo:** THRE IS NOTHING FAKE ABOUT THAT KISS RAYMOND

 **mijey:** my head already hurts picturing the drama this is gonna cause

 **tyjo:** josh update: he thinks this whole thing is a bad idea

 **egard:** same

 **frankenstein:** same

 **troy:** same

 **bijo:** BRENDONS PISSED  
RYAN IS KIND OF SHOOK  
DALLON LOOKS LIKE HE REGRETS EVERYTHING HES EVER DONE

 **noodleboi:** what if they just start fucking

 **bijo:** i will be in therapy for years  
ok theyre ignoring what just happened im adding them back everyoen act normal

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **dalloween** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **\- bijo** added **ryro** to **hospital trip with joshler**

 

 **breadhob:** wait why the hell did we get removed again

 **mijey:** josh was being satanic and things got weird idk 

 **josh the living meme:** hEY


	93. the closet foursome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idkhow released choke and it is a Bop™  
> I watched all of stranger things 2 in one day  
> Life is good right now

**frankenstein:** guys  
theres someone in my bathroom  
guys help me  
someone wake up and come save my scrawny ass

 **mijey:** hm  
sounds like a personal problem   
i am sleeping

 **frankenstein:** no mikey pls  
theres rlly someone in my bathroom i heard them moving around  
holy shit what if they broke in and theyre a murderer

 **egard:** i told u to stay at my house u ass  
look what happens when u disobey me

 **tyjo:** some kinky shit in the frerard department 

 **egard:** no tyler

 **frankenstein:** my mom wanted to see me  
ive been at ur house non stop for like 2 months   
she was getting concerned   
she thought i died

 **noodleboi:** attack them frank  
get the element of surprise 

 **frankenstein:** mike im barely 5 feet tall h o w

 **troy:** i agree w michael  
u have to fight back

 **noodleboi:** can we stop calling me michael now pls

 **troy:** sure thing mike wazowski

 **noodleboi:** trE  
wait

 

 **\- noodleboi**  changed their own nickname to **mike wazowski**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** fuck sake i read that as mike kachowski

 **egard:** leave ur lightning mcqueen fantasies out of the chat plz ray

 **frankenstein:** wow u guys thanks for the help guess ill die

 **troy:** k goodnight im fried as frick  
*tried  
*tired

 **josh the living meme:** fried chicken  
also i can type now   
knd of

 **mike wazowski:** frank i already said to attack them  
grab like a weapon or something  
and go for it

 **frankenstein:** alrighty i grabbed a plastic lightsaber 

 **egard:** mike if my boyfriend dies im suing   
wait frabk why the hell do u have a plastic lightsaber

 **frankenstein:** i literally never throw anything away ever so i still have a bunch of kids toys all over my room  
alright u guys im going in for the kill  
well not literally bc murder is illegal and Frowned Upon™

 **troy:** jesus christ i cant go back to sleep now   
too much excitement  
wait 1 sec frank im makig a beverage 

 **mike wazowski:** beverage

 **mijey:** beverage

 **tyjo:** beverage

 **egard:** beverage

 **josh the living meme:** beverage

 **ray toro is a whoro:** beverage 

 **frankenstein:** beverage

 **troy:** ok yall are mean let me live

 **mike wazowski:** YALL

 **egard:** YALL

 **frankenstein:** YALL

 **ray toro is a whoro:** YALL

 **josh the living meme:** YALL

 **mijey:** YALL

 **tyjo:** YALL

 **troy:** i will deactivate the entire chat if u continue

 **mijey:** bippity bop we should stop  
so tre do u have ur "beverage"

 **troy:** yes  
go ahead frank

 **frankenstein:** ok so im outside my bathroom door  
i can hear someone moving around  
and no before u fuckbuckets ask its not my parents they are sleep

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **fuckbuckets**

 

 **frankenstein:** my hand is on the door handle  
i am a scared  
shit boi  
ok ok ok i pushed the door open a tiny bit so i can look through  
U GUYS THERES A GUY IN A SLEEPING BAG IN MY BATHTUB WHAT THE FUCK

 **egard:** WHO  
WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE

 **frankenstein:** I DONT KNOW HE HAS HIS HOOD OVER HIS HEAD AND HES FACING AWAY FROM ME

 **ray toro is a whoro:** what the shit   
did a homeless dude break into ur house or something

 **frankenstein:** i dont know?????  
what do i do  
do i still attack him  
@mike help me

 **mike wazowski:** yes frank definitely attack him   
show him whos boss

 **egard:** kinky ;)

 **josh the living meme:** take a photo i wanna see

 **frankenstein:** um no im busy working out how to attack someone with a kids toy

 **tyjo:** just run in screeching and hit him over and over again until he leaves  
thats what i do to brendon whenever he invites himself to my house

 **troy:** oh yeah   
we kind of forgot about the closet foursome  
oops

 **josh the living meme:** thats a way better chat name thanks tre

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **the closet foursome**

 

 **frankenstein:** right so im like half in the bathroom  
the mystery sleeping bag man hasnt noticed me yet  
do i just run at him screaming and scare him away

 **mike wazowski:** yes but u also have to hit him to make him realize whos the alpha

 **frankenstein:** okok here i go guys  
if i die i want gerard to have my guitar  
tre u can have my lightsaber i know u would want it

 **troy:** u are correct

 **ray toro is a whoro:** do i get anything

 **frankenstein:** yes   
u can have my superman pillow that i won in an arcade 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** rad  
thanks 

 **mijey:** hey i want something too

 **frankenstein:** fiNE  
ill make a list of who gets what when i die  
gerard gets my guitar  
tre gets my lightsaber  
ray gets my superman pillow  
mikey gets my big inflatable minion  
mike gets all 39 of my fidget spinners  
tyler gets my xbox  
billie gets my switchblade collection   
ryan gets all the scooby doo action figures i have  
josh gets my skateboard  
dallon gets my bee movie poster   
and brendon gets my air rifle

 **egard:** frank why do u have so much useless stuff

 **frankenstein:** as i said  
i never throw anything away ever

 **mijey:** do not give brendon an air rifle  
or any type of weapon  
same goes for billie do not give him sharp deadly things

 **frankenstein:** the list has been made no going back  
so  
time to attack

 **josh the living meme:** the suspenders is killing me  
*suspense oh lord

 **troy:** SUSPENDERS

 **mike wazowski:** wwait why does tyler get an xbox and i get fidget spinners

 **frankenstein:** 39 fidget spinners to be exact  
now shut up and let me attack  
im still scared

 **mijey:** why does this shit always happen at 3am

 **tyjo:** i cant believe i get a whole xbox  
wow

 **ray toro is a whoro:** only if frank dies

 **tyjo:** frank u better die 

 **egard:** hEY TYLE R

 **frankenstein:** GUYS I DID IT  
I RAN IN THERE AND STARTED HITTING HIM AS HARD AS I COULD AND HE WAS SCREAMING I WAS SCREAMING  
THEN MY LIGHTSABER BROKE SO I TIED HIM UP IN THE SHOWER CURTAIN AND TURNED THE SHOWER ON   
HES SOAKING WET AND SCREAMING   
my parents are calling the cops

 **tyjo:** so i guess no xbox  
damn

 **josh the living meme:** tyler u have ur own xbox

 **tyjo:** SHH

 **bijo:** FRANK WHAT THE FUCK

 **mike wazowski:** heyo billo

 **bijo:** heyo miko  
BUT FRANK SERIOSULY DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID U ATTACK ME

 **frankenstein:** WAIT THAT WAS U

 **egard:** OH MY GOD

 **ray toro is a whoro:** OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TABLED  
WHAT A SHOCKER

 **mijey:** BILLIE WHAT ARE U DOING IN FRANKS BATHTUB

 **bijo:** I BROKE FREE OF THE CLOSET HELL AND I WAS TIRED AS FUCK AND FRANKS HOUSE WAS CLOSEST SO I FIGURED ID JUST SLEEP IN HIS BATHTUB AND I DIDN THINK ANYONE WOULD NOTICE BC HES ALWAYS AT GERARDS HOUSE  
AND THEN SUDDENLY I HEARD SCREAMING AND I WAS BEING HIT WITH A PLASTIC LIGHTSABER AND THEN HE TURNED THE SHOWER ON AND IM WET AND HURT NOW

 **frankenstein:** WHY DIDNT U JUST MESSAGE ME AND TELL ME U WERE GONNA BREAK INTO MY HOUSE AND SLEEP IN MY BATHTUB

 **bijo:** I THOUGHT U WERE ASLEEP

 **frankenstein:** WELL IM NOT

 **bijo:** I KNOW I CAN SEE THAT

 **troy:** wow that was pretty intense   
im so glad i got a beverage beforehand 

 **bijo:** beverage 

 **troy:** LISTEN BUDDO WEVE ALREADY DONW THIS ONCE

 **tyjo:** so hows the threesome going

 **bijo:** when i left they were all arguing and fighting and brendon was telling dallon he hates him  
also im like 97.3% sure ryan and dallon arnet "just faking" anymore

 **josh the living meme:** well that doesnt sound good

 **mijey:** no it does not  
but thats a problem for tomorrow  
goodnight fuckbuckets


	94. PROTECT RYLLON 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone make a tag yourself meme for the bois in the chat I will love you 5ever 
> 
> (also this is kind of short it's just explaining what went down in the closet and t h e a f t e r m a t h)

**ray toro is a whoro:** the trainwreck trio are still avoiding each other  
something happened in that closet im telling u

 **mijey:** ray its been like 4 days since the closet leave it

 **dalloween:** im avoiding them bc brendons a salty and ryan kicked me this morning

 **ryro:** yes and why did i kick u  
u wouldnt get out of my bed again

 **breadhob:** i am not "a salty" dallon watch ur mouth

 **ryro:** bren honey u r the definition of salty

 **dalloween:** can u maybe not call him honey 

 **ryro:** can u maybe get off my dick

 **dalloween:** not what u said last night

 **bijo:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **mike wazowski:** billie what the hell dont do that

 

 **\- breadhob** left **the closet foursome**

 

 **tyjo:** ryan  
dallon  
explain  
what happened in that closet and what happened last night/this morning

 **ryro:** NOTHING  
dallon i swear to god

 **dalloween:** we cant pretend it didnt happen ryan

 **ryro:** yes we can

 **egard:** ok so now u have to tell us its the rules

 **ryro:** NO

 

 **\- ryro** removed **dalloween from the closet foursome**

 

 **josh the living meme:** what even happened oh my god  
WAIT DID U GUYS DO THE THREESOME IN THE CLOSET

 **ryro:** N O   
THERE WAS NO THREESOME  
THERE WAS JUST   
LIKE  
UHHH  
THERE WAS SOME SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE  
AND THINGS GOT AWKWARD  
AND HANDS WENT PLACES   
AND SOMEONE ELSE GOT UPSET

 **bijo:** that was before i broke free  
b o i  
that was some heavy shit

 **troy:** im late   
WAIT WHICH 2 PEOPLE HAD SEXUAL TENSION

 **ryro:**.....  
me and dallon

 **bijo:** bODH MYGDI BW  
WIJUSGDY  
IM SOHAPPY RYLLON IS REAL  
WAIT DID SOME MORE SHIT HAPPEN AFTER I LEFT

 **ryro:** NO   
NO NO NO NO  
NOTHONG HAPPENED AT ALL  
ITS NOT REAL

 

 **\- ryro** left **the closet foursome**

 

 **bijo:** DALLON  
WE NEED TO ADD DALLON  
HELL TELL US WHAT HAPPENED

 **mike wazowski:** billie calm down ur scaring the children

 **bijo:** I CANNOT BE CALM

 

 **\- bijo** added **dalloween** to **the closet foursome**

 

 **bijo:** DALLON WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT CLOSET AFTER I LEFT

 **dalloween:** what happened in the closet is nothing compar to what happened last night  
are u guys sure ur ready for this

 **egard:** WAI wait  
we need to summon the whole squad  
wheres frank

 **frankenstein:** here  
WIAT WHATS GOING ON DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME IS RYLLON REAL

 **bijo:** IM GONNA START SHRIEKING IF U DONT TELL US   
DALLON  PLS U CANT DO THIS TO ME IVE WAITED FOR SO LONG

 **dalloween:** so  
frick me this is awkward  
ryan will kill me  
unless brendon kills me first  
so basically in the closet after billie left it was V E R Y awkward and everyone was kind of ignoring each other but it was kina hard bc there was literally no room like we were all pressed uo against each other it was so awkard   
and brendon was r i g h t t h e r e so i was like yo lets fuck w him and i put my arm aorund ryan and kissed his cheek   
and brendon made a nosie like a dying cat so i did it agin  
and ryan started playing along bit things got al ittle out of hand i gues?? hands went places   
it was bad

 **frankenstein:** whoa

 **troy:** i live for this

 **mijey:** same

 **dalloween:** brendon was getting rlly mad and i was kind of liking it so me and ryan started talking about the future and shit  
and i accidentaly told ryan i love him

 **ray toro is a whoro:** dalLON OH MY GOD NO  
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FAKE  
WHAT ARE U DOING  
ARE U ACTUALLY CATCHING FELINGS

 **dalloween:** MAYBE?  
IM SORRY  
I LIKE RYAN OK I FAILED

 **bijo:** enouGH OF THE CLOSET I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

 **dalloween:** thats even worse oh boi

 **josh the living meme:** aw   
dal and ryan  
babies <3

 **tyjo:** we need to protect them

 

 **\- troy** renamed the group **PROTECT RYLLON 2017**

 

 **frankenstein:** i hope u guys are vey happy <333333333333333333

 **dalloween:** u realize were not actually together rigth  
idk what ryan feels about this

 **bijo:** whATEVER JUST EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED LAST NGHT

 **dalloween:** strap in boyos this is gonna get wild  
so last night my parents were doing the usual like "i hate gays" "gays go to hell" "dallon ur friends better not be gays"  
and i got mad and i was like "guess what fuckers i am a gay"  
and they started yelling and things got scary so i left and went to ryans house  
and i was Sad™ so he was like its cool we can watch stranger things and hide in blankets   
and that was fun it was a fun time  
but then the sexual tension arrived 

 **mijey:** "but then the sexual tension arrived"   
my single favorite line ever 

 **mike wazowski:** just so u guys know billie is flopping around squealing   
hes ryllon trash #1

 **egard:** this is so pure  
but poor brendon

 **dalloween:** so yea  
the sexual tension arrived  
and  
uhhH  
well  
meandryanhadsex 

 **bijo:** OUHD G  
VIU  
WHAT  
HOLY SHT I CANNOT BEATHE  
IM SO HAPY  
EUIHOGYGDVI":GOH*

 **tyjo:** uh  
are we sure thats a good thing

 **dalloween:** yes  
it was some good sex  
but thats maybe why ryans avoiding me?? idk

 **josh the living meme:** that was insane  
whOA

 **troy:** i am a happy

 **mijey:** so  
is brallon over for good

 **dalloween:** yeah i guess

 **ray toro is a whoro:** does brendon know about the sex

 **dalloween:** ha fuck  
no he does not  
please do not tell him

 **bijo:** I FONA TELL HIM

 **mike wazowski:** biLLIE NO

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **PROTECT RYLLON 2017**

 

 **\- bijo** added **ryro** to **PROTECT RYLLON 2017**

 

 **bijo:** BRENDON  
RYLLON IS REAL  
DALLON AND RYAN HAD SEX LAST NIGHT

 **ryro:** IM GOING TO MURDER U DALLON U SHITHEAD  
AND U TOO BILLIE

 **breadhob:** AEE U FUCKNG SEROUOUS  
DALLON WHY  
LIKE 2 DAYS AGO U SAID U WOULD CONSIDER ME AND U GETTING BACK TOGETHER

 **ryro:** WAIT WHTA  
DALLKN WHAT

 **dalloween:**............  
shit

 

 **\- dalloween** left **PROTECT RYLLON 2017**

 

 **egard:** oH  
my   
god  
dalloN  
waht  
are  
u  
doing

 **bijo:** no  
my hopes and dreams  
crushed  
rip ryllon

 

 **\- troy** renamed the group **RYDEN IS BACK BITCHES**

 

 **tyjo:** trE NO


	95. im so shook im william shookespeare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is confusing there's 2 different chats now  
> also sorry for the constant drama i have no idea how to function without it  
> also sorry for how weird and fucked up everything is  
> also I PROMISE THE DRAMA IS GOING TO END SOON (possibly tomorrow?)

**\- ryro** renamed the group **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **breadhob:** nice

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i have  
many questions

 **mijey:** GUYS  
EX PRINCIPAL DADDY IS NOW JUST PRINCIPAL DADDY  
HES BACK

 **troy:** im nuttin  
boi   
im nutting with happiness

 **bijo:** please dont  
wait why are we the anti dallon weekes squad  
i like dallon 

 **ryro:** no  
wrong

 

 **\- ryro** removed **bijo** from **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **mike wazowski:** uh??

 **egard:** i  
wait  
what the fuck is going on now

 **frankenstein:** so if we still like dallon do we get kicked out of the squad???

 **breadhob:** correct

 **tyjo:** oh  
well i dont like him  
do u like him josh?

 **josh the living meme:** nope

 **mike wazowski:** do u think ur being a bit dramatic maybe  
like  
tbis is just dumb drama again we dont need to split up the squad

 **ryro:** yes we do mike  
from now on we have 2 squads; the anti dallon weekes squad and the people who are wrong  
so far the wrong people is just billie   
and dallon i guess  
unless dallon hates himself then hes part of the adws  
but idk  
its confusing

 **troy:** we shOULD BE FOCUSING ON WHATS IMPORTANT  
LIKE EXP DADDY COMING BACK TO CONTROL US  
IM IN LOVE

 **ray toro is a whoro:** tre do not have sex with the principal  
again

 **troy:** no promises ray

 **frankenstein:** so   
what do we do now ryan has divided the squad

 **breadhob:** we carry on normally  
also we have a plan listen up kiddos  
me and ryan are gonna fake date to piss dallon off 

 **mijey:** oH M GOD  
IM OUT  
IM FUCKING DONW  
IM STARTING MY OWN SQUAD  
THE COMPLETELY FUCKING DONE WITH EVERYTHING SQUAD  
AND ITS JUST mE ALONE NO ONE IS INVITED TO JOIN MY SQUAD OK ALL OF U LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL THIS IS OVER

 **ryro:** bye bitch have fun

 

 **\- ryro** removed **mijey** from **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **breadhob:** while were here does anyyone else have a problem w this

 **mike wazowski:** yes  
ur being fucking stupid   
literally theres no reason for this

 

 **\- mike wazowski** left **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- egard** left **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- frankenstein** left **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **breadhob:**  nowlets get down to business

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  added **Billie Joe Armstrong, Gerard Way, Frank Iero, and Dallon Weekes to brendon & ryan are being dumb**

 

 **Mike Dirnt:** (dont mind me i just hate the way chats look w/out nicknames)

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt** changed their own nickname to **miko**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Billie Joe Armstrong's**  nickname to **billieboy**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Dallon Weekes's**  nickname to **dally**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Gerard Way's**  nickname to **gayway**

 

 **\- Mike Dirnt**  changed **Frank Iero's**  nickname to **dank frank**

 

 **dank frank:** thanks mike i am the dankest frank of all the franks

 **gayway:** im filing a complaint 

 **dally:** mike no offence but i dont care what the fuckwits are doing  
i am thriving without them

 **miko:** u were crying in the bathroom 5 minutes ago

 **dally:** i suddenly cannot read

 **billieboy:** i havent smoked anything all day be proud u buttnuggets

 **gayway:** its only 11

 **billieboy:** still  
im usually baked by this point

 **dank frank:** mike like 2 minutes ago u were saying how bren and ryan are being stupid but now ur doing exavtly what theyre doing????????

 **miko:** yea  
i left the chat and realized how bored i was   
so i made this  
and also im telling dlalon exactly whats going on

 **gayway:** u mean like exp daddy returning from the war

 **miko:** no i mean like brendon and ryan fake dating

 **dally:** i hate both of those sentences   
hEY IF THEYRE GONNA FAKE DATE IM GONNA FAKE DATE SOMEONE

 **billieboy:** oh man  
im so shook im william shookespeare 

 **dank frank:** my lUNGS ARE GOING TO COLLAPSE BILLIE WHY

 **billieboy:** because im william shookespeare

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so let me get this straight  
u and ryan are going to fake date and make dallon jealous and then on franks birthday ur going to cause a big scene just for the hell of it  
and then ur going to "go back to normal"

 **breadhob:** yes  
i love causing a scene

 **ray toro is a whoro:** bren u need to leave the chat for 1 minute

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** removed **breadhob** from **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** rYAN THINK ABOUT WHAT UR DOING  
ARENT U FAKE DATING DALLON

 **ryro:** i dont think so???  
i mean after the sex things got kinda awkward   
we never officially called it off i just assumed 

 **troy:** im going to surprise exp daddy   
i bet he missed this place  
hes gonna love it  
and this time around we wont make him quit ok guys

 **josh the living meme:** i hate all of this  
whats even happening  
im gonna mute the whole chat and pretend i dont know any of u

 **tyjo:** same

 **ray toro is a whoro:** ryan ur making things worse please do not fake date brendon  
or anyone  
ever again ever

 **troy:** ryan u know dallon actually likes u right

 **ryro:** wiat what

 **ray toro is a whoro:** trE NO  
OH MY GOD  
U WERENT SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM THAT

 **ryro:** whAT DID HE SAY EXACTLY

 **troy:** HE SAID HE ACTUALLY HAS FEELINGS FOR U

 **ryro:** shit  
well  
this complicates things

 **ray toro is a whoro:** this didnt happen  
none of this is happening

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **breadhob** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **breadhob:** u guys good?

 **ryro:** fuckin peachy

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 **miko:** so dallon  
do u actually like ryan

 **dally:** yes

 **miko:** do u still like brendon

 **dally:** yes

 **miko:** uh ok  
who do u wanna be with

 **dally:** yes

 **dank frank:** are u still fake dating ryan or did that end when the sexual tension arrived

 **dally:** idfk  
we didnt officially call it off so i think maybe we are still doing it?? im not sure  
but now ryans apparently fake dating brendon so 

 **bijo:** U SHOULD FAKE DATE BRENDON TOO  
TO PISS RYAN OFF

 **egard:** BILLIE NO WHAT THE HELL   
THATLL JUST COMPLICATE THINGS  
THIS IS ALREADY COMPLICATED ENOUGH  
IM NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE  
IM LEAVING  
I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE ADWS AND PRETEND EVERYTHINGS FINE

 **dank frank:** DO IT DALLON  
DO IT  
U KNOW BRENDON WILL AGREE TO IT HES A SHADY BITCH

 **dally:** wait what  
so me and ryan are fake dating  
but brendon and ryan are also fake dating  
and u want me to also fake date brendon  
hoW IN THE SEVEN HELLS WILL THAT WORK OUT   
THATLL JUST TURN INTO A THREESOME

 **bijo:** THATW WHAAT WE WANT  
THATS HOW WE ENEDED UP IN THAT CLOSET   
T WAS MY PLAN  
well i wasnt supposed to be there but 

 **dally:** OK NOW IM MAD

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 **tyjo:** josh  
do u think any of this is gonna end well

 **josh the living meme:** its the middle of the night tyler what the hell

 **tyjo:** i cant sleep im worried  
i think this is just gonna end up with everyone getting hurt  
maybe we should just like  
banish The Trainwreck Trio™ to hell until they sort their shit out

 **josh the living meme:** the day The Trainwreck Trio™ sorts their shit out is the day hell freezes over  
maybe theyre destined to never be happy

 **tyjo:** jesus thats emo

 **josh the living meme:** were all emo here  
it comes with being gay and depressed

 **tyjo:** ok true  
but do u get what im saying about this eding badly

 **josh the living meme:** yea   
and i already know franks drunk birthday thing is gonna be responsible for at least 3 people getting hurt  
both physically and emotionally

 **tyjo:** why cant everyone just be like us   
we never cause drama  
i think

 **josh the living meme:** we r too pure for their sinful ways  
<3

 **tyjo:** <3

 **troy:** hey homos  
go the fuck to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im probably not ever gonna do this again this was so confusing and painful  
> Next update will be in the normal chat and it's gonna stay that way  
> Why did I think this was a good idea??


	96. pete wentz is a gnome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this late because I was doing spooky things like fucking pumpkins and transforming into a ghost earlier. Happy Halloween I love you all.
> 
> Also shoutout to arindo for making a Rad™ tag yourself meme of the bois <3 It's amazing and I love it

**\- ray toro is a whoro** added **bijo** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **mike wazowski** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **egard** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **mijey** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **frankenstein** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **dalloween** to **the anti dallon weekes squad**

 

 **\- ray toro** renamed the group **FINNA GET CRUNK**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** I LOEV THIS EVERY1 IS CHILL BC TEHYR ARE TOO FRAZZLED TO CArE

 **troy:** frazzled  
raymond  
excuse me

 **mijey:** "finna get crunk"

 **bijo:** ive been ehre for lessthan one (1) housr and i alredy cannto remember whos housE i am in

 **mike wazowski:** billie sweety pls chill w the alcohol u r scaring me  
also were at brendons house

 **dalloween:** where even is brendon

 **frankenstein:** last i saw he was felling backwards down the stairs while ryan half assed tried to grab him  
idk if ryan pushed him or what but it was some quality comedy

 **breadhob:** i tripped leAVE me alone

 **tyjo:** jesus   
how wrecked is everyone

 **egard:** VEGAN  
*VERY

 **josh the living meme:** tyler come rescue me im in a circle w a load of ppl i dont know and theyre doing The Drugs™  
i am a frighten

 **tyjo:** ill save u bby

 **dalloween:** doing the drugs u say  
sounds fun count me in

 **mijey:** dallon no

 **dalloween:** dalLON YES  
MY AIM FOR TONIHT IS TO NOT REMBER A THING TOMROW

 **ryro:** literally none of thaht was spelled properly are u ok

 **troy:** oHhoho   
hohoho  
oH HO

 **ray toro is a whoro:** tre what the fuvk do not do that

 **troy:** guess who just walked in the door  
3 guesses  
ACTUALY NO WAIT NO GUESSES IM JUST STR8 UP TELLING U  
PETE WENTZ IS HERE  
@mijey 

 **mijey:** ugh  
im not drunk enough to deal w this

 **breadhob:** have safe sex mikeyway

 **egard:** brenDON DO NOT ENCOURAGE MY BROTER TO HAVE SEX  
HE IS UNDERAGE

 **breadhob:** SO ARE U  
SO AM I  
ALL OF US ARE 

 **egard:** ok true

 **tyjo:** brendon how many people are even here 

 **breadhob:** idk  
a metric fuckton

 **tyjo:** thanks thats very helpful

 **bijo:** IM RUNIN THROUGH THE HOUSE  
BEING CHASED  
FRAN LEAVE ME ALONE

 **frankenstein:** GIVE ME MMY SHEOS BACLK

 **bijo:** THEY WERE FREAKNG ME OUT  
TOO BRIGHT  
DO NOT LIKE

 **frankenstein:** biLEII TEHY ARE BLACK

 **dalloween:** whAT THE HELL BILLIE U JUST BODYSLAMMED ME INTO THE KITCHEN  
peope are staring oh MY gdo

 **mijey:** im hiding in brendons room so i dont have to face pete  
theres soemone coming in oh boy  
brendon im hiding under ur bed

 **breadhob:** no jacking off in there

 **mijey:** wat the fuck i wont do that anyway

 **breadhob:** good  
because some people dont get the rules  
*tre*

 **troy:** hey   
it was a hard time  
ha a "hard" time

 **mike wazowski:** trE NO OH MY GOD

 **tyjo:** mikey pete is asking for u what do i say

 **mijey:** tell him im not here   
WAIT NO  
tell him im here w my boyfriend   
that should rustle his jimmies 

 **egard:** mikey im disowning u as my brother

 **frankenstein:** were not friends anymore

 **ryro:** i just threw up no joke

 **mike wazowski:** mikey promise me u will never say that again ever

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** renamed the group **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **josh the living meme:** raY

 **tyjo:** k i told him ur upstairs w ur boyfriend  
he seemed kinda upset

 **mijey:** i doNT CARE

 **egard:** im proud of u   
u dont need pete   
ur maturing so fast  
lookat u go  
wow

 **bijo:** mkeys whos ur boyf

 **mijey:** i odnt know tyler who is my boyf

 **tyjo:** uh  
not important

 **ryro:** why did pete wentz just attack me and say im not good enough for mikey 

 **mijey:** tyLER U FUCKASS 

 **tyjo:** IM SORRY I WAS PUT ON THE SPOT AND RYAN WAS THE FIRST PERSON I SAW

 **ryro:** OH MY GOD TYLER

 **bijo:** ryan/mikey 2017

 **troy:** imf uckING   
helpo me  
plz

 **frankenstein:** billie can u giev my shows back now

 **bijo:** "shows"  
also no

 **troy:** guy  
hello  
help m3  
me

 **dalloween:** tre u good my man

 **troy:** yes  
wlell no  
my shiryt is stu ck   
is stuck in door  
free me

 **dalloween:** i iwll svae  
i   
hbhe

 **breadhob:** im fuckinG doNE  
lmao get rekt  
did any of u dsee tahta  
dalojn fel oer

 **tyjo:** i take it im the token sover person again  
soevr  
soeER  
ok aybe im ntothe token sober perSon

 **bijo:** WHJSO IS OUT TOKRN SOBER PERS O NR  
RAY ATE U EH t\oken SOEBR MOM

 **mike wazowski:** t/oken  
i feel deep spirital connection to t/oken

 **ray toro is a whoro:** sorry kidz mom is finna get crUNK tonite

 **mijey:** i feel concern  
who will take care of us

 **dalloween:** i will take care of us

 **breadhob:** dal honey u cant even stand up by urself 

 **dalloween:** honey  
<3

 **bijo:** whaT  
NO  
no  
illegal

 **mike wazowski:** ur inner ryllon shipper is showing

 **bijo:** thuy were so cuTE togetehr  
like  
baby kottens  
lil tiny baby kittens all cuddled up w ech other   
look listen pay attentoin  
pictrue 2 lil tiny baby kittsn and they r cudled up sleeping togethr and its all peacefal and nothin bad is hapenng  
that is ryllon

 **troy:** no thats joshler

 **tyjo:** tru

 **josh the living meme:** yea tru 

 **ryro:** idk what just happen in the kitchen but i heard frank yell "suck my titty bitch" and then there was noise  
like fighting noise

 **egard:** frank who are u fighting  
u bettr win

 **ray toro is a whoro:** do u guys think i can make it to the trampoline form the roof

 **bijo:** yes

 **mijey:** no

 **troy:** definitely yes

 **ray toro is a whoro:** im gonna do it

 **frankenstein:** i accidentally spild my drink on an angry boi in the kitchen   
im ok tho   
be calm

 **breadhob:** i just relized the state of my house  
my parents ar gonna murder me when they get home

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i just bounced into another dimension whoa  
someone comefine md and hel p me

 **mijey:** PTEE IS CHAISNG M E  
RYAN UR MY FAKE BOYF SAVE ME

 **ryro:** IM COMING MOAKY

 **egard:** moaky  
ryan das ist nicht correct

 

 **\- troy**  changed **mijey's**  nickname to **moaky**

 

 **breadhob:** u guys  
how bad woudl it be id   
if   
i  todl dallon i liove him

 **tyjo:** u do know dal is int THis chat right

 **breadhob:** yES  
bYUut he is buzzy doing The Drugs™ he wwil not notice

 **bijo:** m poor little ryllon heart </3

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i drink to forhet but i always remember

 **troy:** "forhet" is that hetero slang for forhead

 **josh the living meme:** thats what brendon woudl be called if he was a hetero

 **egard:** W     H        O        A  
conflict  
ryan plsease do not do that agin

 **moaky:** he was prtetcing me

 **ryro:** yes i was protect

 **moaky:** he protec  
he attac  
but most impotantly he D E S T R O Y P E T E W E N T Z

 **frankenstein:** is thta why i juts saw pete get drop kicked into the room

 **ryro:** yes

 **breadhob:** i tooj a wrong tun and ended up in the tsteet?  
@dalloween  
wher r u

 **dalloween:** some guys god   
gof  
got sme good hti  
shHIT  
we getting LIT

 **breadhob:** dallon my boi  
i love u  
am sad w/out u and i needed to say i love u bc its tRue  
ur eys rae the pretties goodamn eyes ib have evER SEEN EVER  
and ur beaitful and amzing and i do not deserve u at all

**dalloween:**

**ryro:** whoa what the fuck how did u send a blank message

**mike wazowski:**

**frankenstein:**

**ryro:** hoW ARE U DPING TAHT

 **breadhob:** hho Okay   
im drunker than i thought  
why difid i send that

 **dalloween:** im too fucked uo for this  
we wil have thi s  conversation tomorrw when the walls are not shouting at me

 **josh the living meme:** what

 **mike wazowski:** i had that same problem last week  
acid fucks u up man

 **tyjo:** why are u all junkies

 **bijo:** why are u not a junkie

 **tyjo:** because i love myself

 **dalloween:** cant relate

 **moaky:** im stuck in a weird vortex of anger with ryan pete and patrick  
god pete is an asshole whY did i ever like him  
yall can shove ur relationships they look like too much effort  
im going gnome to be sad on my own

 **egard:** gnome boy

 **frankenstein:** gnome fucker

 **troy:** MIKEYS A GNOME FUCKER

 

 **\- troy**  changed **moaky's**  nickname to **gnome fucker**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** does that mean pete wentz is a gnome

 **josh the living meme:** yes  
pete wentz is a gnome

 **gnome fucker:** pete wentz is a fucking gnome  
fucking gnome boy

 **ryro:** yall  
mike just ran up to pete and yelled at him thats hes a gnome  
paTRICK SLAPPED MIEK  
alright now billies coming to fight patrick this is ridiculous stop it

 **gnome fucker:** i cannpt ifnd the fornt doroor  
wher the fuCK  
brendon im in ur room again  
oH OKAY WHOA DIDNT NEED TI SEE THAT 

 **egard:** WHAT  
DIDNT NED TO SEE WHT

 **frankenstein:** intriguing 

 **gnome fucker:** I WENT IN BRENDONS ROOM AND HES DOING SINFUL THINGS WITH DALLON  
I SAW A DICK BUT IM NOT SURE WHO IT BELINGED TO

 **ryro:** f i n a l l y

 **bijo:**????????????????W ><,

 **ryro:** ive been secetly rooting for brallon this whole time  
i dotn wnat a full time thing w either of them  
the sex is Good™ tho

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so basiclaly ryans a fuckboii

 **ryro:** im not just a fuckboii  
i am the fuckfather

 **troy:** fuckdaddy ;)

 

 **\- ryro**  changed their own nickname to **fuckdaddy**

 

 **mike wazowski:** ijm hopign thsi is bc u r a drunk

 **josh the living meme:** yall are wild


	97. BRYLLON IS REAL AND THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS IT

**\- breadhob** removed **dalloween** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- breadhob** removed **fuckdaddy** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **breadhob:** i promise im not causing more drama i just need help before they wake up

 **gnome fucker:** cannot  
im crying in the bathroom

 **egard:** why  
who do i need to fight  
is it pete  
ill fight pete  
ill fight patrick too

 **frankenstein:** gerard  
be calm  
u cant even stand up yet

 **gnome fucker:** do not fight pete or patrick or anyone  
the hangover is bad this time

 **tyjo:** RT  
bren btw i threw up in ur parents room sorry 

 **breadhob:** eh idc  
can u all help me tho

 **mike wazowski:** o shit waddup  
yes i will help u  
wha happened

 **breadhob:** ok so i vaguely remember doing  _things_ w/ dallon last night  
and i also vaguely remember talking to ryan after u all passed out  
but then theres a massive blank space in my mind and idk wha happened  
and i just woke up with both dallon and ryan in my bed and none of us are wearing clothes

 **bijo:** OH MY GOD IT HAPPENED  
IM SO HAPPY  
I WOULD JUMP AROUND IF I HAD THE STRENGTH

 **josh the living meme:** BRYLLON IS REAL AND THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS IT

 **troy:** *incoherent gay screeching* IM SO HAPPY FOR U CLUSTERFUCKS

 **ray toro is a whoro:** IM CRYING REAL TEARS   
THEY ARE 50% JOY AND 50% HOLY SHIT I THINK IM DYING

 **breadhob:** yeah anyway what the fuck do i do now

 **troy:** wake them up and be like "yo dudes we had a threesome last nigh"

 **gnome fucker:** no tre

 **mike wazowski:** brendon  
have u seen the state of ur house  
its really really bad 

 **breadhob:** i-  
shit  
i forgot about the mess  
i dont wanna move tho i am warm and safe  
also i cant move bc theyre both half on top of me

 **bijo:** ill come in and flip ur bed if u want

 **mike wazowski:** billie how will u flip a bed full of 3 (almost) grown ass dudes

 **bijo:** with my super muscly arms   
haha jk  
but im gonna try

 **breadhob:** please dont im actually naked right now

 **bijo:** ive seen ur dick before its cool

 **mike wazowski:** what

 **breadhob:** it was a long time ago lets forget it

 **mike wazowski:** im gonna be thinking about that all day now

 **tyjo:** ur gonna think about brendons dick all day?

 **josh the living meme:** mike u have a boyfriend how could u

 **mike wazowski:** i meant im gonna be thinking about billie seeing brendons dick   
whatevr  
fuck off  
im not thinking about brendons dick

 **gnome fucker:** stOP  
now im thinking about brendons dick

 **frankenstein:** well now i am too fuck u mikey

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so i take it were all thinking about brendons dick right now

 **troy:** yeah kinda

 **breadhob:** i am uncomfortable  
biLLIE GET OUT OF MY ROOM

 **troy:** i tried to clean up but the room was spinning and it made me sick so im just laying behind the tv rn

 **egard:** i can hear yelling upstairs  
billie u good

 **bijo:** HE THREW HIS UNDERWEAR AT ME WHO EVEN DOES THAT  
ok now ryans awake and hes confused and staring at me  
ill add him back

 

 **\- bijo** added **fuckdaddy** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **fuckdaddy:** billie why are u in brendons room holding his underwear and staring at me

 **tyjo:** CONGRATULATIONS ON THE THREESOME

 **fuckdaddy:** on the what  
oh MY GOD   
BRENDON  
WE DIDNT

 **breadhob:** WE DID

 **bijo:** yall this is so funny im standing in the door and theyre just ignoring each other so they can speak in the chat  
i have been forcibly removed from brendons room

 **troy:** im so happy  
like  
The Trainwreck Trio™ deserve happiness after all the shit they went through

 **fuckdaddy:** none of us are alert enough to deal wit s this omg   
why are we like this  
who lets us outside  
we should all be locked up far away from other people

 **gnome fucker:** arrent u happy about the threesome

 **fuckdaddy:** i can barely remember it  
but i do remember some wild kinky shit went down

 **breadhob:** ryAN  
PRIVATE INFO  
STOP IT

 **mike wazowski:** BRYLLON ARE KINKY LITTLE SHITS

 **josh the living meme:** why did i just hear dallo scream

 **fuckdaddy:** he fell off the bed

 

 **\- egard** added **dalloween** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **egard:** DALON   
DO U KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

 **dalloween:** no but i have a pretty good guess  
billie we can all hear u giggling outside the door btw

 **bijo:** abort

 **tyjo:** so  
what are u 3 doing now

 **fuckdaddy:** putting some clothes on  
its very naked in here

 **ray toro is a whoro:** yO  
A CAR JUST PULLED UP OUTSIDE   
BRENDON I THINK UR PARENTS ARE HOME

 **breadhob:** ohD HOLY SHIT  
WHAT HE FUCK AM I GONA DO

 **troy:** ill distract them  
i wont mentin the threesome 

 **breadhob:** everyone lock tre in the closet so he cant interact with the parentals 

 **mike wazowski:** im on it

 **gnome fucker:** should we maybe  
tidy up

 **josh the living meme:** we dont have time  
this is it  
this is the end

 **breadhob:** noNE OF U FUCKERS ARE LEAVING IF IM GOING DOWN UR ALL COMING WITH ME

 **dalloween:** i cant leave anyway whER ARE MY PANTS

 **frankenstein:** THE DOOR IS BEING UNLCOKED HAGHJIHJIHBIHSGDVUIO

 **egard:** and everyone falls silent as we prepare for our inevitable fate  
wait what was that noise

 **troy:** if u dONT LET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMN CLOSET I SWEAR TO GOD


	98. get this filth out of my good christian chat

**breadhob:** im never going to fully forgive any of u for that shit u all pulled

 **fuckdaddy:** hey  
listen  
i never meant for ur mom to see my penis   
it was a mistake anyone could have made

 **breadhob:** im not talking about that although im mad as hell  
im talking about everyone else climbing through the windows and making even more of a mess and then leaving me to deal w/ it

 **troy:** hey i was also there  
yelling in the closet 

 **dalloween:** i was there too  
getting anxiety from how loud and angry ur parents were

 **bijo:** soooooo  
u got anythin u wanna tel su???????

 **mike wazowski:** billie stop harrassing them 

 **bijo:** neVER  
THEY ARE MY OTP  
OT3

 **tyjo:** who knows maybe my ot3 will be pete patrick and mikey

 

 **\- gnome fucker** removed **tyjo** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- josh the living meme** added **tyjo** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **josh the living meme:** dont

 **gnome fucker:** fine i see how it is

 

 **\- gnome fucker** removed **tyjo** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- gnome fucker** removed **josh the living meme** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **egard:** if u guys havent noticed  
mikey is a saltyboi

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro**  changed **gnome fucker's**  nickname to **saltyboi**

 

 **\- saltyboi** removed **ray toro is a whoro** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **saltyboi:** full offence i will kick the next person who mentions p*te

 **troy:** did something else happen or..??>...l

 **saltyboi:** oh u know  
only that he smirked at me while patrick kissed his cheek  
and then patrick asked who i was  
and p*te was like "lol no one"

 **frankenstein:** yikes  
p*te is a dickbag

 

 **\- dalloween** added **tyjo** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- dalloween** added **josh the living meme** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **dalloween:** there is Drama™ in the petekey family 

 **josh the living meme:** shit mikey u good

 **tyjo:** now i udnerstand why ur being so hostile

 **egard:** are u just not gonna add ray back.?

 **dalloween:** ha i forgot about him oops

 

 **\- dalloween** added **ray toro is a whoro** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **dalloween:** hey ray there is Drama™ in the petekey family

 **ray toro is a whoro:** dallon what is "petekey"

 **dalloween:** p*te and mikeys shipname obviously  
well petekey isnt rlly official  
peterick is   
maybe petekeyrick will be americas next top model

 **saltyboi:** hows bryllon doing

 **fuckdaddy:** can u dont

 **breadhob:** strongly agree with ryan

 **troy:** bUt We NeEd AnSwErS

 **breadhob:** no u need to mind ur damn business

 **frankenstein:** ur getting defensive that means its real  
ur a real threesome

 **fuckdaddy:** first of all its not a "threesome" its healthy polyamory 

 **dalloween:** im not sure anything is healthy when it comes to us

 **mike wazowski:** aw congrats <3  
ur the ultimate gay

 **breadhob:** speaking of gay.. the parentals are NOT happy that i had... shock horror... boys in my room  
"really brendon we thought u were better than this"  
"not one but TWO WHOLE BOYS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH U BRENDON?"  
"what are u some kind of hoe"  
im only a hoe for the lord ;))

 **tyjo:** are u in trouble

 **breadhob:** theyre deciding whether to kick me out or not

 **tyjo:** rip brendon

 **dalloween:** u can stay with me  
wait no u cant my parents hate u  
they also hate me now too 

 **fuckdaddy:** my home situations isnt much better either sorry bby :(

 **breadhob:** <3

 **dalloween:** <3

 **fuckdaddy:** <3

 **saltyboi:** alriGHT how the FUCK is this fair  
brendon   
ACTUAL SATAN BRENDON   
who is a MAJOR hoe  
has got TWO BOYFRIENDS  
and i have NONE

 

 **\- saltyboi**  left **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **troy:** u guys we need to help mikey  
we need to talk (beat) some sense into pete

 **bijo:** hes in my next class i can kick his ass if u want

 **mike wazowski:** how about u do that thing where u behave? yeah that sounds good

 **bijo:** eat my asshole mike   
5 minutes ago u were getting yelled at for throwing books across the room

 **tyjo:** or we could just add him

 **josh the living meme:** tyler is a smartboi

 

 **\- tyjo** added **Pete Wentz** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **frankenstein:** the chat name  
hes gonna see that

 **dalloween:** oh well 

 **Pete Wentz:** whats up fuckers  
wait  
hold 1 sec

 

 **\- Pete Wentz**  changed their own nickname to **yeet**

 

 **yeet:** better

 **mike wazowski:** why are u acting like were friends

 **yeet:** we are  
arent we

 **ray toro is a whoro:** no

 **egard:** no

 **troy:** no

 **bijo:** no

 **josh the living meme:** no

 **dalloween:** no

 **yeet:** uGH this is about mikey isnt it

 **egard:** YES   
WHAT THE HELL

 **yeet:** LISTEN  
we were fuckbuddies once upon a time  
we said it wouldnt go any further than that  
he agreed to it

 **josh the living meme:** basically ur some kind of fuckboy

 **yeet:** correct

 **fuckdaddy:** son??

 **yeet:** dad?????

 **fuckdaddy:** come home son  
ur mother and i are very worried

 **yeet:** im sorry i let u down dad 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** get this filth out of my good christian chat

 **yeet:** jeez sorry mom  
anyway i thought mikey was with ryan

 **fuckdaddy:** ahhhahaHA no  
we faked that to piss u off

 **yeet:** first of all thats rude

 **bijo:** ryans with brendon and dallon

 **yeet:** brendon... AND dallon?  
like at the samw time

 **breadhob:** yes  
u gotta problem buddy

 **yeet:** no   
congrats on ur threesome

 **fuckdaddy:** ITS HEALTHY POLYAMORY  
HEALTHY. POLYAMORY.

 **dalloween:** UNhealthy polyamory 

 **fuckdaddy:** dallon ur not helping

 **dalloween:** im trying my best

 **troy:** BACKSTORY  
brendon was with ryan but they broke up so brendon got with dallon but then brendon cheated on dallon with ryan and ryan became our friend and then brendon and dallon got back together but then brendon started acting like a hoe and he made out with ryan at a party so dallon broke up with him and fake dated ryan to piss brendon off and then they all got locked in a closet and dallon admitted to having actual real feelings for ryan and then ryan and dallon had sex even though dallon said to brendon he wanted to get back together with him and then they all got drunk on franks birthday and had a threesome and now theyre in a healthy polyamorous relationship 

 **yeet:** that is  
a lot to take in  
how are u all still sane

 **frankenstein:** were not

 **breadhob:** the fuck do u mean ryan and dallon fake dated

 **josh the living meme:** oh   
uh  
we forgot to tell u that  
whoops?

 **dalloween:** goTTA BLAST

 

 **\- dalloween** left **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **fuckdaddy:** ha   
fuck  
uh  
i have a thing i gotta take care of

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** left **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** bothh of them just ran out of class

 **breadhob:** DID U ASSHOLES KNOW ABOUT THIS

 **egard:** yes

 **bijo:** no

 **frankenstein:** maybe

 **breadhob:** WHAT THE HELL  
I WANTED TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE WHEN I FOUND OUT  
AND NOW I DISCOVER IT WAS fakEJ????????????????????????

 **tyjo:** Yikes™  
this is getting rather heated

 **yeet:** so is the chat always like this

 **troy:** yeah pretty much  
dont get used to it ur not staying

 **yeet:** harsh

 **troy:** idc

 **bijo:** tre be nice to the fuckboy

 **troy:** i refuse

 **mike wazowski:** brendon dont be mad look at how it turned out

 **breadhob:** ok true

 

 **\- breadhob** added **dalloween** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- breadhob** added **fuckdaddy** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **breadhob:** yall im not even mad ok lets hjust forget it

 **dalloween:** i barracaded myself in a closet for nothing then?

 **josh the living meme:** should we add mikey back??

 **frankenstein:** yeah but get rid of pete first

 **yeet:** i object

 **troy:** no... u human

 **yeet:** <3

 **troy:** <3  
but franks right u have to go

 

 **\- troy** removed **yeet** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **\- troy** added **saltyboi** to **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **saltyboi:** what did i miss  
whaT THE HELL U ASSHATS ADDED P*TE??  
also @ brendon sorry u found out about the fake dating so late  
i also found out late  
well later than everyone else

 **egard:** bc u were being a salt

 **saltyboi:** i am the salt king sitting on my salt throne wearing my salt crown in my salt kingdom  
bow before me and declare ur undying loyalty to all things salty

 **bijo:** u have to be king of the iron islands to have the salt throne sorry mikey i dont make the rules

 **ray toro is a whoro:** does that mean the greyjoys are the saltiest bois in all of history

 **frankenstein:** does thAT MEAN MIKEYES A GREYJOY

 **saltyboi:** literally kiss my ass

 **mike wazowski:** someones salty


	99. i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm almost at 100 chapters this is wild

**frankenstein:** why is brendon wearing booty shorts that say "are you nasty" on the ass  
someone contain him

 **fuckdaddy:** no one contain him  
let hm be free  
the booty shorts are good

 **breadhob:** 1\. i look amazing in booty shorts  
2\. it was a dare  
3\. i look amazing in booty shorts

 **dalloween:** he does look amazing in booty shorts

 **tyjo:** u 3 are so loved up its weird to think u wanted to murder each other a little while back

 **egard:** brendon how have u not been sent home yet

 **breadhob:** idk?????  
i mean it is only first period so theres still time

 **josh the living meme:** um u guys  
why did pete run up to me crying aabout mikey

 **saltyboi:** wait what  
i didnt do anything to him  
Hhwat

 **ray toro is a whoro:** uh oops this is kind of my fault  
he tried talking to me earlier and i panicked and told him mikey died  
s o r r y 

 **saltyboi:** RAY  
WHY

 **bijo:** RAY IM CACKLING 

 **dalloween:** ray what happens when pete sees mikey??

 **fuckdaddy:** we tell him its a ghost

 **egard:** don encourage him

 **mike wazowski:** question: if a zombie apocalypse happened do u think we would survive

 **troy:** yes  
i have faith in all of us  
well half of us  
maybe 3 of us  
i have faith in myself at least

 **tyjo:** we would all die for sure

 **mike wazowski:** but who would die first 

 **breadhob:** ryan

 **saltyboi:** ryan

 **josh the living meme:** ryan

 **frankenstein:** ryan

 **bijo:** ryan

 **fuckdaddy:** okay well fuck every single one of u   
i wouldnr die first

 **egard:** u would  
ur a soft boy

 **fuckdaddy:** i can run tho

 **troy:** true  
hes weirdly fast  
its scary

 **ray toro is a whoro:** hes only fast bc his legs are weirdly long

 **dalloween:** not as long as mine  
i am the leg king

 **breadhob:** dal buddy 70% of ur body is made up of legs  
u might as well just be a leg

 

 **\- bijo**  changed **dalloween's**  nickname to **leg**

 

 **leg:** hey bring back dalloween its iconic

 **bijo:** its not halloween anymore

 **leg:** ITS ALWAYS HALLOWEEN

 **fuckdaddy:** oh boy he spent too muc time with brendon

 **bijo:** @frankenstein ur next   
new nickname time

 **frankenstein:** nO  
NEVER  
MIKE TELL UR BOYFRIEND TO STOP

 

 **\- mike wazowski**  changed **frankenstein's**  nickname to **i jacked off to the emoji movie**

 

 **i jacked off to the emoji movie:** THAT IS A FALSE ACCUSATION

 **egard:** im breaking up with u

 **ray toro is a whoro:** my poor innocent eyes

 

 **\- i jacked off to the emoji movie** changed their own nickname to **i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie**

 

 **mike wazowski:** sure frank whatever u say

 **troy:** i just saw brendons booty shorts   
wow  
amazing

 **breadhob:** thanks UwU

 **fuckdaddy:** back the fuck up there buddy

 **bijo:** I JA  
AOIJ  
PH M GOD  
RYAN HWO DO U KOW

 **leg:** billie did u have a stroke

 **bijo:** REM<EEBR WHEN TRE SAID BACK TEH FUCK UP THERE BUDDY  
THTA WAS BEFOR RYAN JOINED  
HOW DOES RYAN KNOW

 **fuckdaddy:** i am a god

 **i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie:** can we remove mikey and add pete and fuck with him for a bit im bored

 **saltyboi:** no

 

 **\- josh the living meme** removed **salty boi** from **operation rustle petes jimmies**

 

 **josh the living meme:** yes

 **tyjo:** change the name to some sad emo shit to make in convincing

 

 **\- egard** renamed the group **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **leg:** this is gonna be fun

 

 **\- i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie** added **yeet** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **bijo:** pete  
we thought we should te;l u of a tragedy 

 **yeet:** im crying im not even lying  
u guys im so sorry about mikey

 **egard:** its a hard time for us all he was so young so full of love

 **troy:** *he was a salty bitch

 **ray toro is a whoro:** yER  
*tre

 **mike wazowski:** "yer"

 **yeet:** what even happened i only saw him a few days ago

 **tyjo:** uh   
its a sad story  
we dont need to get into that

 **yeet:** please  
i act like i didnt care but he meant a lot to me

 **mike wazowski:** there was a terrible accident  
a church caught fire  
gerard was trapped inside   
mikey ran back in to save him   
the ceiling collapsed and he died

 **yeet:** oh shit thats horrible  
geardr are u okay

 **egard:** no  
its gonna take a long time for any of us to be okay again

 **fuckdaddy:** thats why brendons wearing booty shorts  
ist his way of showing grief

 **yeet:** im sorry u guys are going through all of this

 **tyjo:** yeah its really tough :/  
can u pls leave 

 **yeet:** uh  
yea? sure

 

 **\- yeet** left **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **bijo:** IM HOWLIMG 

 **josh the living meme:** I GOT KICKED OT OF CLASS FOR LAUGHING SO HARD  
HE ACTUALY BELIEVED IT   
IM DEAD

 **leg:** MIKE I CANT BELIEVE U USED A SCENE FROM THE OUTSIDERS WHAT THE HELL

 **mike wazowski:** IT WAS THE FIRS THINGG THAT CAME TO MIND SUE ME

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **saltyboi** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **saltyboi:** i cannOT BELIEVE U GUYS  
PETE JUST RAN PAST MY CLASS CRYING   
WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO

 **bijo:** made him beieve u were rlly dead lol

 **breadhob:** think about it mikey  
this is ur revenge for him being a dickbag 

 **saltyboi:**......  
ok true  
how long can we keep this up

 **ray toro is a whoro:** as long as we want

 **fuckdaddy:** my longest yeah boy ever


	100. who the fuck put a potted plant in my freezer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 chapters wow  
> Here's to 100 more

**leg:** u would not believe ur fireflies  
if 10 million eyes

 **saltyboi:** no dallon

 **leg:** LET ME HAVE YTHS MOEMG  
MOEMT  
<OEMN

 **saltyboi:** again no  
but im also concerned   
what are u doing

 **leg:** u would not believe ur whores  
if 10 million grooms bride whores

 **saltyboi:** whAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 **leg:** I CAN HEAR COLORS 

 **saltyboi:** u can come back when u r calm

 

 **\- saltyboi** removed **leg** from **rip mikey forver in our hearts <3**

 

 **breadhob:** HAHBDVHWJ  
FIREFLIES 

 **saltyboi:** WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

 **breadhob:** "Fireflies" is the debut single from American electronica project Owl City's album Ocean Eyes. Relient K vocalist Matt Thiessen is featured as a guest vocalist on the song. Adam Young described the song as "a little song about bugs and not being able to fall asleep at night." The song is built around a "bleepy" synthline and includes lyrics about insomnia, fireflies and summer.

 **saltyboi:** oh my god both of u are acting up today i cant deal

 

 **\- saltyboi** removed **breadhob** from **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **fuckdaddy:** i cant believe u removed BOTH of my boyfriends mikey 

 **saltyboi:** are they ok

 **fuckdaddy:** are any of us ok

 **bijo:** yo that was deep mam  
*man

 **fuckdaddy:** misgendering in the chat  
wow  
i never woulda thought

 **bijo:** it was a tyjo bitch

 **tyjo:** dont @ me boi i didnt do shit

 **bijo:** TYPO  
SHUT UP TAYLOR

 **tyjo:** T A Y L O R  
I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED

 **josh the living meme:** taylor

 **tyjo:** DONT

 

 **\- josh the living meme**  changed **tyjo's**  nickname to **taylor**

 

 **taylor:** the betrayal is strong today

 **saltyboi:** can everyone..,.,., behave??? plEase

 **egard:** for once i agree with mukey  
whats everyone tripping on suddenly

 **mike wazowski:** who the fuck put a potted plant in my freezer 

 **troy:** interior decoration 

 **mike wazowski:** take it out

 **troy:** where are u

 **mike wazowski:** in the freezer obviously 

 **troy:** wait so are u like in the freezer as in ur by the freezer looking in or are u like in in the freezer so ur like iNSIDE the freezer

 **mike wazowski:** well tre  
what do u think

 **troy:** i think potted plants should go wherever they want to

 **i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie:** [chef ramsay locked himself in the freezer] 

 **egard:** franko where u go 

 

 **\- i DID NOT jack off to the emoji movie** changed their own nickname to **franko**

 

 **franko:** to the store i got u the good flavor energy drink be thankful bitch

 **bijo:** mike get out of the freezer u can get hurt in there   
there are plants

 **mike wazowski:** im not even in thefreezer billie chill

 **franko:** what the hell happened to the chat while i was gone

 **saltyboi:** i removed certain people for acting up again  
they can both come back when they behave

 **fuckdaddy:** mikeys the biggest cockblock ever

 **saltyboi:** hoW AM I BEING A COCKBLOCK 

 **fuckdaddy:** MY BOYFRIENDS MIKEY  
BOTH OFMY BOYFRIENDS  
WHERE DID THEY GO

 **taylor:** where did they come from where did they go  
where did they come from  
cotton eyed boyfriends 

 **saltyboi:** RYAN JUST GET UP AND GO SEE THEM IRL

 **fuckdaddy:** im with them rn lmao im just being a dramatic bish

 **ray toro is a whoro:** mikey u porr soul i just read all the messages  
wait tre why did u put a potted platn in the freezer

 **tray:** the cold might kill me but it wont kill my potted plants

 **mike wazowski:** trE PLESSE STOP BRINGING POTTED PLANTS INTO MY HOUSE

 **bijo:** all is wild at the dirnt house

 **mike wazowski:** billie where did u even go i turned around and u were gone  
#findbillie2017

 **bijo:** i forgot i buried my headphones in the park last weekend 

 **saltyboi:** iM.???????  
i cant   
wHA T  I S  H A P P E N I N G

 **egard:** wait deos pete stil think mikey is dead

 **franko:** yea lmao i spread it around the whole school   
ur welcome

 **ray toro is a whoro:** frank im snorting why

 **franko:** the principal is gonna make a speech tomorrow we should all be there  
apart from miekey ofc hes dead

 **josh the living meme:** ADD PETE ADD PETE ADD PETE ADD PETE

 **saltyboi:** NO

 **josh the living meme:** U DONT GET AN OPINION UR DEAD

 

 **\- troy** removed **saltyboi** from **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **\- troy** added **yeet** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **taylor:** peter whats up bro

 **egard:** tyle dont say bro

 **taylor:** broski

 **egard:** tyler do not

 **yeet:** whats up u meme fuckers

 **mike wazowski:** why ar eu happy mikey died

 **yeet:** wow thanks for reminding me  
im sure mikwy would want us all to be happy right

 **troy:** mikey was a salty hoe but yea sure

 **fuckdaddy:** wow so we can add pete but not my boyfriends  
homophobia at its finest

 **yeet:** ok but im not straight so that doesnt make sense  
check ur facts

 **fuckdaddy:** square up   
fight me  
1v1

 **ray toro is a whoro:** this is the biggest mess ive ever seen boi

 **franko:** ryan...... did u know that....... u can add ur boyfriends back urself

 **fuckdaddy:** shut up limp dick

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** added **breadhob** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** added **leg** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **leg:** ok u add breadbin first instead oF ME  
im filing for a divorc and im taking th children with me  
i want the house

 **fuckdaddy:** u cant have my house what the fuck

 **leg:** homophobia 

 **yeet:** chidlren?

 **leg:** joshelr  
joshler are my babeies  
i raied them

 **breadhob:** hey dal  
fireflies

 **leg:** u would not believe ur firfllies 

 **breadhob:** i cant believe its not butter

 **fuckdaddy:** literally what the fuck is wrong with u 2 today

 **troy:** MIKE STOP TAKING THE POTTED PLANTS OUT OF THE FREEZER

 **mike wazowski:** TRE  
WHERE ARE U GETTING ALL THESE PLANTS FROM  
PUT THEM OUTSIDE WHEREE THEY BELONG

 **bijo:** I CANT FIND MY HEADPHONES 

 **egard:** can yall believe mikey died for this

 **yeet:** im sure he watching over us from wherever he is

 **egard:** hes a ghost  
ghost mikey  
mikey the ghost boi

 **josh the living meme:** tylER GOT CHASED BY THE DICK SQUAD  
THEY HURT HIM  
I WILL FIGHT ALL OF THEM 

 **franko:** the what

 **josh the living meme:** DALLONS STUPID FOOTBALL FRIENDS

 **leg:** ya hello 911   
how dARE u make such vile accustaions 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** josh how are u gonna fight them they are Big™

 **josh the living meme:** im gonna whore dallon out as my bodygyard hes gonna fight them for me

 **leg:** im a pacifist 

 **breadhob:** u stabbed me in the ass with a fork and made me bless less than 3 minutes ago

 **leg:** im a pacifist until it comes to brendon

 **taylor:** im shook dallon can spell pacifist

 **leg:** well get unshook bitch this boy can spell now

 **yeet:** yo can i add someoen   
plz

 **bijo:** YES GIVE US MORE PEOPE TO CORRUPT

 

 **\- yeet** added **Patrick Stump** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **\- yeet**  changed **Patrick Stump's**  nickname to **patty**

 

 **yeet:** were rlly part of the squad now <3

 **patty:** thanks pete


	101. everybody hates pete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have any of you guys heard the rumors about Spencer and Jon (and maybe Ryan too) rejoining p!atd because Dallon's leaving? I'll be hyped if that happens because I love Spencer, Jon and Ryan but I'll still be sad about Dallon

**ray toro is a whoro:** are any of u even at the speech? im alone and its awkward

 **egard:** im somewhere near the back come find me  
hA ray got yelled at for moving 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** wow what the hell

 **breadhob:** fucking mr turner wouldnt let me in to the hall because im wearing heels  
the mans just jealous i look hella good

 **franko:** i hate that bald fuckwit

 **fuckdaddy:** brendon remember last time u wore heels? billie had to rescue them

 **bijo:** its ok brendon i would do it again for u <3

 **breadhob:** get u a man like billie who would risk it all for some high heels <3

 **patty:** so are brendon and billie together?

 **franko:** hAHAHA WHAT

 **breadhob:** NO PATRICK OH MY GOD  
IM WITH DALLON AND RYAN

 **patty:** wait  
like  
both of them?

 **leg:** yes both of us

 **yeet:** yea they have some kind of threesome going on

 **fuckdaddy:** FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME ITS CALLED  _HEALTHY POLYAMORY_

 **mike wazowski:**  AND BILLIE IS WITH ME

 **patty:** oH  
IM SORRY i got confused   
why are they sending hearts to each other

 **egard:** becaus s theyre gAY

 **troy:** patrick my boi u have so much to learn  
if ur gonna stick around u better start catching up on all the wild shit thats gone down so far

 **breadhob:** ill fill him in if he comes outside  
and pete too  
there so much he doesnt know

 **yeet:** but what about the speech

 **fuckdaddy:** oh my god pete no one cares about the stupid speech just go outside

 **leg:** ryAN  
dont be so mean 

 **fuckdaddy:** dallon shut up ur not even paying attention ur playing with a fucking rubber band

 **leg:** dont expose me like this

 **yeet:** full offence but u guys are disrespectful as fuck

 **bijo:** full offence no one fucking invited u into the squad why are u still here

 **mike wazowski:** biLLIE DO NOT  
(but yes i agree)

 **ray toro is a whoro:** my phone keeps buzzing can u guys maybe chill for another 10 minutes until this is over so i dont look like a terrible person

 **taylor:** joSH GOT KICKED OUT FOR LAUGHING TOO MUCH

 **josh the living meme:** "mikey was an example student" sounds fake but ok  
"mikey was loved by everyone" yeA UHHH SURE  
EVERYONES SUDDENLY ACTING LIKE THEY WERE HIS BEST FRIENDS IM SCREAMING

 **yeet:** what the fuck is wrong with u all

 **bijo:** pete i will literally fight u tomorrow if u dont get the fuck out of the chat right now

 **yeet:** well im sorry im the only one who gives half a shit about mikey?

 **taylor:** boi dont even try it 

 **egard:** peTE U DUMBFUCK DONT U GET IT YET

 **patty:** why are u all attacking pete what the hell????

 **josh the living meme:** patrick its best for u to just stay out of this

 **patty:** not when everyones suddenly attacking pete   
he didnt do anything 

 **breadhob:** he was kind of a dick to mikey ........

 **bijo:** i vote we kick pete out   
he shouldnt even be here

 **yeet:** what did i ever do to you what the fuck

 **fuckdaddy:** daLLON JUST FLICKED THE RUBBER BAND AND HIT THE PRINCIPAL IN THE EYE  
HES TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND ME  
IM LAUGHING SO MUCH HOLY SHIT I THINK I MIGHT CRY

 **egard:** I SAW HIM GET HIT WITH SOMETHING   
boi hes pretty mad  
this is hilarious oh my god

 **patty:** ur friend/brother just died and none of u seem to care  
wow okay   
pete why are u friends with these assholes?

 **bijo:** hES NOT OUR FRIEND  
HE SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE  
GO AWAY

 

 **\- bijo** removed **yeet** from **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **bijo:** patrick u can stay for now i guess

 **patty:** thanks?

 **breadhob:** I ACCIDENTALLY PUSHED MR TURNER OVER but hi im in the hall now

 **ray toro is a whoro:** brendon ur causing a scene 

 **breadhob:** i am the scene

 **taylor:** brendon those heels are so loud can u maybe walk quietly everyones staring  
i sAID WALK QUIETLY NOT START STRUTTING ABOUT 

 **egard:** wh A T  I S   H A P P E N I N G

 **mike wazowski:** the principal is so mad wha the hell  
tre go calm him

 **troy:** i could hide in the podium and suck him off?

 **ray toro is a whoro:** yeah how about u dont do that 

 **bijo:** WHTA IS PEETE DOING  
WHAT IS HE DOING  
HES WALKING UP TO THE MICROPHONE   
OH MY GOD SOMEONE STOP HM  
PATRICK STOP HIM

 **patty:** too awkward  
need to leave  
oh my god

 **josh the living meme:** SOMEONE UPDATE ME IM LOCKED OUTSIDE

 **franko:** he just walked up to the mic and grabbed it and hes telling everyone how mikeys friends (us) are shitty people  
he hasnt mentioned names yet tho so i guess thats agood ting?  
HES TELLING THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT ABOUT THE CHAT ABORT ABORT ABORT  
HE FUCKING TOL D THE PRINCIPAL ONE OF US FLICKED THE RUBBER BAND  
OH MY GOD HES MENTIONING NAMES  
B O I  
HES NAMING US ALL AND POINTING US OUT  
PATRICK IM GOING TO MURDER UR BOYFRIEND

 **patty:** is it bad i crawled under the chairs because of how embarrassing this is

 **leg:** rip me  
love u bren love u ry  
goodbye

 **fuckdaddy:** dallon oh my god sit down   
come back  
dallON NO

 **breadhob:** yall  
this is wild  
i cannot believe this is happening

 **ray toro is a whoro:** im about to cry   
this is probably the most trouble well ever be in ever

 **egard:** maybe we should... u know... tell the principal (and pete) that mikey isnst even dead

 **bijo:** patriCKS STILL IN THE CHAT GERARD WHAT ARE U DOING

 **egard:** _y i k e s  
_ _s o r r y_

 **patty:** WHAT  
THE  
ACTUAL  
FUCK  
IS  
WRONG  
WITH  
U  
ASSHOLES

 **troy:** so patrick are u enjoying ur time with us so far

 **patty:** N O 

 **troy:** great :)

 **mike wazowski:** youll get used to it  
maybe  
ok so u probably wont  
theres still times im shocked at how we can take literally anything and turn it into a complete disaster 

 **taylor:** this is probablt the biggest disaster ever  
were all so dead  
can we just run away and not come back

 **breadhob:** been there tried that 

 **fuckdaddy:** THIS IS SO FUNNY IM WHEEZING  
wait shit are we in trouble

 **egard:** uh yeah

 **franko:** probably

 **bijo:** maybe

 **troy:** definitely 

 **josh the living meme:** where even is mikey?

 **egard:** he faked sick so he didnt have to come in  
ill add him back

 

 **\- egard** added **saltyboi** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **egard:** mikey guess what we caused another shitstorm

 **saltyboi:** i know  
a teacher just called mom and said you were being rude and disrespectful  
and then she was like "i know its a hard time for him with his brother dying" and mom was like "what mikeys not dead" and yeah uh im grounded and so are u

 **bijo:** mikey say hi to patrick

 **saltyboi:** hi patrick

 **patty:** hi mikey im glad ur not dead but this is still pretty insane

 **taylor:** well the memorial was pretty good i guess  
not that any of us paid attention we were all laughing too much

 **leg:** guys im in deep shit

 **fuckdaddy:** where are u   
u literally ran away from me   
what the hell

 **leg:** i tried to run away but i got caught and now the principal is here and hes calling my parents   
he told them i was laughing at someone dying and that i "purposely tried to blind him" and also that i was endangering people by running around whAT  
i mean i said sorry but hes pretty upset

 **saltyboi:** i cant believe u guys couldnt sit through one speech without creating an all out war

 **patty:** u need to tell pete whats going on   
this isnt fair

 **bijo:** no fuck off

 **mike wazowski:** billie stop being a dick

 

 **\- patty** added **yeet** to **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **saltyboi:** hi pete

 **patty:** ease him into it dont just fucking do that oh my god

 **troy:** just like getting fucked in the ass for the first time ;)

 **mike wazowski:** trE

 **yeet:** what

 **egard:** jesus christ this is awkward  
uh well u were being a major dick to mikey so ray told u he died but he didnt die and we took it too far because were all assholes   
sorry lol

 **yeet:**....

 

 **\- yeet** left **rip mikey forever in our hearts <3**

 

 **breadhob:** well that went well :)))  
im just gonna go home now this is enough excitement for a week

 **franko:** big mood  
i need to sleep for a month to get over this

 **saltyboi:** i cant believe we thought this was a good idea whats wrong with us

 **fuckdaddy:** none of us have any self control whatsoever 

 **taylor:** i cant believe pete exposed us all though

 **ray toro is a whoro:** pete didnt "expose us" he completely anhiliated us 

 

 **\- mike wazowski** renamed the group **everybody hates pete**

 

 **patty:** u guys... for real... that was a major dick move  
pete really cares about mikey and this whole situation really fucked him up

 **bijo:** whoops we dont care  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **\- bijo** removed **patty** from **everybody hates pete**


	102. none hair with left forehead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely isn't based on something I once did.... no... of course not

**breadhob:** whisky is a nasty stinky   
dont liek  
0/10 woudl recomend 

 **fuckdaddy:** are u ok

 **breadhob:** it hurttS My   
mou t H

 **bijo:** weak

 **mike wazowski:** hey billie should i tell everyone the story of ur first time drinking whisky

 **bijo:** nO IM SORRY  
MIKE PLEASE I HAVE A REPUTATION AS A BAD BOY TO KEEP UP

 **mike wazowski:** hmm its tempting......

 **bijo:** NO DONT  
FUCK U

 

 **\- bijo** left **everybody hates pete**

 

 **mike wazowski:** i mean i wasnt actually gonna say but he left so 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i am Intrigued™

 **mike wazowski:** we were like 13 and we stole it from my mom and i dared him to down half the bottle and he did  
it ended with him crying on my bedroom floor and telling me he was gonna die and he made me put formal clothes on so we could have his funeral right there 

 

 **\- mike wazowski** added **bijo** to **everybody hates pete**

 

 **bijjo:** betrayal at its finest

 **troy:** i cannot belIEVE billie cried drinking whisky

 **breadhob:** yall  
u gUYSss  
am im   
im cryinf in a paArk

 **leg:** bren what the fuck its the middle of the afternoon why are u drunk 

 **breadhob:** DONT U judfE ME salon   
saloon   
dallon

 **saltyboI:** "salon" iM-

 **josh the living meme:** hair salon

 **taylor:** dont u mean hair dallon   
ayeeee

 **breadhob:** im Goib to cugT my. haIr  
ALLL of it

 **fuckdaddy:** brendon no

 **breadhob:** breEND EYS

 **troy:** i like how were ignoring what went down yesterday

 **saltyboi:** im blocking all of yesterday out of my mind

 **mike wazowski:** BIG MOOD

 **bijo:** are all of u grounded like whats the deal with punishments   
bc im not grounded hA

 **taylor:** only because theres no one there to actually ground u...

 **bijo:** W O W tyler that was low

 **mike wazowski:** yes u are grounded billie  
my mom said if u wanna live at my house u get the same punishment as me

 **bijo:** i suddenly cant read what

 **leg:** same

 **ray toro is a whoro:** my parents want me to transfer schools bc u guys are so wild   
they think u corrupted me  
(which u kind of did)

 **franko:** im not allowed to leave my house except for school   
but were not even allowed back to school for a week so im not allowed to leave my house at all

 **troy:** my parents dont even care what i do lmao

 **saltyboi:** that explains a lot

 **fuckdaddy:** u guys are so lucky wtf im not even allowed out of my ROOM   
but ive already sneaked out like 30 times 

 **josh the living meme:** my dad thought it was funny but my mom was like "ur lucky the school didnt call the police faking a death is a serious thing"

 **taylor:** i guess we are kind of lucky  
i thought we woudl all get kicked out this time

 **troy:** pricipal daddy is a reasonable man and if he kicks us out whos left to entertain him

 **bijo:** tru tru

 **breadhob:** i havEE made manY ms  
is  
mistakes

 **ray toro is a whoro:** oh no

 **saltyboi:** oh no x2

 **troy:** oh no x3

 **josh the living meme:** oh no x4

 **breadhob:** i am a bald  
a bald boi

 **fuckdaddy:** Yikes™

 **breadhob:** i have none hair with left forehead 

 **egard:** NONE HAIR WITH LEFT FOREHEAD IM WHEEZING

 

 **\- breadhob** left **everybody hates pete**

 

 **leg:** did...  
did brendon just leave the chat because hes drunk and cut his hair??

 **franko:** yes

 **leg:** someone whos allowed out of their house go deal with him pls  
ill pay u with whatever food i have

 **troy:** ill do it

 **leg:** no not u  
i dont trust u

 **troy:** thats fair

 **egard:** tres the only one allowed outside tho so

 **fuckdaddy:** dallon just sneak out oh my god

 **leg:** u sneak out

 **fuckdaddy:** no   
do u remember the votes? we voted that ur the one who deals with brendon

 **leg:** fuck off he was ur boyfriend first

 **saltyboi:** u guys are NOT having another domestic feud  
both of u go deal with brendon

 **fuckdaddy:** no

 **bijo:** oh MY GOD ILL GO  
mikes house is easy to get out of

 **mike wazowski:** billiE NO MY MOM WILL GROUND US BOTH FOR LONGER

 **bijo:** too late boiii

 **mike wazowski:** he just jumped out of my bedroom window

 **bijo:** im like a ninja  
ok ow i just ran into the back of a car

 

 **\- bijo** added **breadhob** to **everybody hates pete**

 

 **bijo:** brendon where are u im coming to save u

 **breadhob:** mmy house3  
tdthi sis so sAd

 **fuckdaddy:** this is so funny omg

 **franko:** U GUYS MY MOM HEARD ME LAUGHING AND SHES TRYIBG TO TAEKE MY PHONE

 **egard:** oh my goD FRANK NO

 **franko:** i AHGVVG;y890ir

 **ray toro is a whoro:** rip frank

 **taylor:** what are we gonna do about pete and patrick  
like petes gonna be mad when we go back

 **bijo:** ill fight him

 **josh the living meme:** please dont

 **saltyboi:** ohh boy  
gerard  
franks mom called and said we were still acting like jackasses in the chat so now mom wants our phones  
she doesnt think were being punished enough

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i love how u 2 talk in the chat even tho ur in the same house and usually in the same room

 **egard:** ill shove my phone up my ass if i have to shes not takiNUFYTE(*lo''@ W=

 **saltyboi:** sHE TOOK GERARDS PHONE IM SCREAMING

 **taylor:** why do u stll have urs  
mikey??  
oh shit

 **mike wazowski:** rip in pieces the way brothers  
also billie hurry up my mom is asking where u are and i told here ur in the bathroom but shes getting suspicous 

 **bijo:** tell her its an emergency 

 **mike wazowski:** yes but billie  
its not an emergency is it

 **breadhob:** yeS_( it Yis  
my haiR is gon2e

 **fuckdaddy:** im trying so hard not to laugh right now im not supposed to be having fun

 **bijo:** um im having some kind of crisis  
dallon ryan one of u come here like right now  
brendons crying hysterically   
i dont think this is just about his hair

 **ray toro is a whoro:** hey should we maybe apologize to pete and patrick  
i mean we were really mean to them  
and patrick didnt even do anything to deserve that 

 **troy:** i feel like we should or itll just cause a whole assload of other drama when we go back

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **yeet** to **everybody hates pete**

 

 **\- ray  toro is a whoro** added **patty** to **everybody hates pete**

**yeet:** well if it isnt my favorite group of shitty humans

 **patty:** pete...

 **taylor:** we brought u here to apologize but if ur gonna be like that...

 **josh the living meme:** tyler nO dont removd them

 **ray toro is a whoro:** heres the deal: petes an asshole but surprise so are we  
but were all sorry for pretending mikey was dead and were also sorry for what happened yesterday  
are we good now?

 **patty:** u mean we can just forget the whole thing and move on?

 **mike wazowski:** yeah we have bigger things to deal with now  
like brendon getting drunk in a park and then trying to cut his hair

 **yeet:** i saw him sat in the park surrounded by rocks  
he threw a clump of grass at me and told me to stay away from his family  
i didnt quesion it

 **bijo:** dallon and ryan are here and were all cramped in brendons room and its giving me flashbacks to  _the closet_  
oh hi pete hi patrick

 **yeet:** hi gays

 **fuckdaddy:** peter  
patrick  
hello

 **leg:** ICANTBREATE  
BRENDON LOOKS LIKE A BRUSH  
HIS HAIR   
OH MY GOD

_**leg sent a photo to everybody hates pete** _

  **troy:** I JUST HISSED

 **mike wazowski:** OH MY GOD HIS FOREHEAD HAS DOUBLED IN SIZE   
BRENDON WHAT DID U DO

 **josh the living meme:** has he stopped crying now?

 **bijo:** no he sounds like a siren its disturbing 

 **breadhob:** its NOT ufdfunny  
I HAVE NONE HAIR WITH LEFT FOREHEAD

 

 **\- leg** renamed the group **none hair with left forehead**


	103. dad fight: ryan vs patrick

_**breadhob sent a photo to none hair with left forehead** _

**breadhob:** ryan made me get my hair cut "properly" and now i look like a makeup brush 

 **fuckdaddy:** u looked like a makeup brush already at least now it looks like u meant to do it

 **yeet:** i h8 this school so much im want to die  
im going home

 **patty:** if u leave me alone in this place i will leave u alone forever 

 **mike wazowski:** pattycakes is a savage!!11!

 **saltyboi:** "pattycakes"  
also hi i have returned 

 **egard:** ME TOO  
*me too  
im not that excited

 **saltyboi:** gerard u cried and begged mom to give ur phone back because this is the only social interaction u get 

 **egard:** oh are we exposing people now?  
MIKEY ACTED LIKE A TYPICAL 10 YEAR OLD WHITE BOY WHEN HE GOT HIS PHONE TAKEN AWAY  
HE SLAMMED HIS BEDROOM DOOR AND SCREAMED "I HATE U"

 

 **\- saltyboi** removed **egard** from **none hair with left forehead**

 

 **saltyboi:** what was that? did someone say something

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** added **egard** to **none hair with left forehead**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** u guys we need to Chill™

 **egard:** mikey u dick biscuit what the fuck

 **ray toro is a whoro:** does the word chill mean nothing to u?

 **egard:** chilling can wait  
frank where u at bish  
franklin  
frankie  
fronk  
frank wank  
wankie  
what the fuck hes seeing the messages why dont u reply u shady little shit

 **ray toro is a whoro:** geRARD NO

 **taylor:** my mom let me go to the store im lving i havent seen a real life tree in 72 years

 **josh the living meme:** tyler u are 16   
also the store is across the street from ur house

 **taylor:**  u rirrelevant 

 **josh the living meme:** wow guess whos not getting laid ever again

 **ray toro is a whoro:** GUYS IM BEGGING U CAN U MAYBE LISTEN TO ME FOR 3 SECONDS

 **troy:** 3 seconds is too long no thank u  
and besides im busy stripping for rich old men online and making them send me money

 **leg:** that sounds like goals let me join

 **troy:** sure my house is unlocked 

 **breadhob:** dallon ur not stripping with tre   
unless u want to leave the threesome?

 **fuckdaddy:** HEALTHY POLYAMORY BRENDON. ITS CALLED HEALTHY POLYAMORY. ITS NOT THAT HARD

 **leg:** i was kidding jesus christ  
i dont want to leave the threesome

 **fuckdaddy:** DALLON FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME IT IS CALLED HEALTHY POLYAMORY   
_HEALTHY POLYAMORY  
_ h e a l t h y   p o l y a m o r y

 **leg:** heathen polygon? 

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** removed **leg** from **none hair with left forehead**

 

 **yeet:** IM GOING TO ACTUALLY BE CONVICTED OF MURDER IN 0.2 SECONDS   
IF THIS ASSHOLE DOESNT STOP SAYING F*G I WILL SWING

 **patty:** pete no 

 **mike wazowski:** i love how calm patrick is   
like its not "pETE NO!!!!" its just "pete no"

 **patty:** i am a worn out parent leave me alone

 **troy:** patrick is daddy confirmed 

 **josh the living meme:** trE

 

 **\- troy**  changed **patty's** nickname to **patdaddy**

 

 **yeet:** ayyy

 **patdaddy:** pete ur supposed to defend me

 **yeet:** i am

 **patdaddy:** ur dong a terrible job  
*doing

 **fuckdaddy:** petes dong is terrible

 **ray toro is a whoro:** RYAB

 **breadhob:** hey  
its not a bad dick

 **fuckdaddy:** excuse the fuck out of you  
what was that?

 **breadhob:** nO OH MY GOD I DIDNT HAVE SEX WITH PETE  
but his dick pic got spread around the school once and i saw it

 **yeet:** im trying to block that out of my mind can u dont :/

 **mike wazowski:** we have 2 daddies in the chat now   
ryan and patrick have to fight to the death   
whoever wins can keep the title of daddy

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** CAN WE ALL STO[

 **saltyboi:** yeah cmon guys lets STO[

 **egard:** why isnt frank talking   
bitch if u dont reply in the next 5 seconds i swear to god

 **breadhob:** dalLON RAN ALL THE WAY TO MY HOUSE JUST TO SLAP ME FOR REMOVING HIM AND I WASNT EVEN THE ONE WHO REMOVED HIM

 **taylor:** put him in a cage  
lock him up  
duct tape his mouth shut

 **yeet:** theres some kinky shit going on in the bryllon family

 **fuckdaddy:** if we were a family it would be incest and that is frowned upon in most societies 

 **yeet:** dont hate what u havent tried *wink wonk*

 **patdaddy:** PETE STOP IT

 **breadhob:** SOMEONE ADD DALLON BACK HE IS BEING MEAN

 **josh the living meme:** add him urself??

 **breadhob:** no   
please someone hes making rude comments about the size of my forehead   
biTCH HIS FORHEAD IS JUST AS BIG LOOK

_**breadhob sent a photo to dad fight: ryan vs patrick** _

**mike wazowski:** oh my gOD  
BRENDONS FOREHEAD HAS MET HIS MATCH  
THERE WAS A WHOLE FOREHEAD UNDER DALLONS HAIR THE WHOLE TIME AND WE NEVER SAW IT  
I FEEL LIKE WE JUST DISCOVERED A NEW WORLD  
PEOPLE CAN LIVE ON HIS FOREHEAD  
OH MY GOD

 **troy:** part of me wants to tell u to calm down  
but part of me is like HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

 **patdaddy:** ok so that photo looks like u grabbed him and yanked his hair up just to show us his forehead  
he looks like hes in great pain

 **breadhob:** he is but thats what the boy gets for slapping me  
look he left a handprint :(

_**breadhob sent a photo to dad fight: ryan vs patrick** _

**egard:** uh brendon are u aware theres a mirror behind u  
we can all see u have no pants on  
ur entire ass is showing

 **breadhob:** AHGV  
brb deleting my entire existence

 **taylor:** and add brendons entire ass to the list of things i didnt need to see

 **ray toro is a whoro:** STOP IT ALL OF U STO PRIGHT NOW UR GONNA GET US ALL IN TROUBLE

 

 **\- mike wazowski** added **leg** to **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **leg:** first of all fuck ryan for removing me  
and fuck brendon for living so far away im coughing up my lungs when will the suffereing end  
and fuck brendon x2 for expOSING MY FOREHEAD ITS NOT THAT BIG  
wait why are patrick and ryan fighting 

 **patdaddy:** dad fight

 **fuckdaddy:** yes but i am the fuckdaddy u are just the patdaddy

 **breadhob:** i can be the forehead daddy  
oh no wait thats dallon

 **leg:** I WILL BARBECUE UR FIRST BORN CHILD

 **saltyboi:** oh boi i misread that as "i will bareback ur first born child"   
forgive me father for i have sinned

 **ray toro is a whoro:** mIEKY 

 **fuckdaddy:** u r forgiven  
its my job to forgive people as the token daddy of the group

 **patdaddy:** im the better daddy  
i am the PATdaddy

 **troy:** i am the uLTIMATE DADDY

 **mike wazowski:** tre ur literally the youngest one here ur not even 16 yet

 **troy:** i am the baby daddy

 **mike wazowski:** please stop

 **egard:** WHERE IS FRANK AND WHY IS HE LEAVING US ALL ON READ

 **saltyboi:** he doesnt like u anymore 

 **egard:** boi u gonna catch these hands in a minute  
@franko U LITTLE WANK STAIN REPLY TO US

 **ray toro is a whoro:** IVE BEEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS FOR THE PAST FUCKING HOUR OH MY GOD BUT NO NONE OF U LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY UR ALL TOO INTERESTED IN WHOS THE REAL DADDY AND DALLONS FOREHEAD AND BRENDONS ASS AND TRE STRIPPING FOR GROSS OLD MEN WHY DID GOD SEE FIT TO PUNISH ME IN SUCH WAYS WHY AM I STUCK WITH U ALL AS FRIENDS WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS

 **josh the living meme:** it bc u a bitch

 **ray toro is a whoro:** SUCK A DICK JOSHUA  
anyway...  
frank isnt on his phone  
his PARENTS are on his phone   
they want to monitor what we talk about in the chat because they think its not appropriate (and theyre very correct)  
thats right u dickwanks  
FRANKS PARENTS ARE READING THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION AND THEY SAW EVERYTHING WE SAID

 **fuckdaddy:** ha im dying franks parents saw brendons ass

 **breadhob:** mr and mrs irerio can u answer this question pls

 **patdaddy:** "irerio" ok brendon

 **breadhob:** shUT  
anyway  
who has the bigger forehead be honest

_**breadhob sent a photo to dad fight: ryan vs patrick** _

**saltyboi:** dal looks in so much pain rip  
#stopdallonweekesabuse2017

 **breadhob:** iTS A SERIOUS MATTER MIKEY WE NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWER ONCE AND FOR ALL

 **leg:** iF U PULL MY FUCKING HAIR ONE MORE TIME I WILL BURN EVERYTHING U LOVE

 **breadhob:** u will be burning urself <3

 **leg:** aW <3

 **fuckdaddy:** wow there i go.. left out once again

 **breadhob:** i love u too asshole <3

 **fuckdaddy:** <3

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so yeah franks probably not gonna be allowed to hang out with us ever again because of u delinquents THANKS

 **troy:** ur welcome

 **ray toro is a whoro:** A3egf2p 9UDU;'l;m;1j   
I AHTE ALL OF U

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** left **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **taylor:** wow what another fine mess weve dived head fucking first into :)

 **yeet:** yay!!

 **taylor:** i swear to god i will bite u 

 **yeet:** kinky ;)

 **mike wazowski:** what the hell i just realized billie hasnt been on the chat at all where is he  
hes not in my house either???  
yikes

 **josh the living meme:** i cannot believe mike didnt notice his boyfriend disappearing

 **mike wazowski:** shut up i was distracted by foreheads and asses and daddies 

 **saltyboi:** a typical day in the group chat :)


	104. the return of std?

**\- bijo** changed their own nickname to **st jimmy**

 

 **st jimmy:** what up butt fucks

 **mike wazowski:** where did u go and also why is ur name suddenly st jimmy

 **st jimmy:** rebranding 

 **mike wazowski:** ok but that doesnt explain where u went

 **st jimmy:** jesus christ mike i dont have to be with u every second of the day  
stop panicking im not a fucking baby  
calm down

 **mike wazowski:** u disappeared for 2 whole days and didnt message any of us how can i be calm  
also why are u so angry  
and tell me where the hell u went 

 **st jimmy:** im not angry??? what the hell

 **mike wazowski:** coulda fooled me  
where did u go?

 **st jimmy:** ok well thats private 

 **mike wazowski:** so ur being a shady bitch again i get it

 **st jimmy:** whAT the fuck? im not being a shady bitch i dont have to tell u everything  
dont be such a controlling bastard

 **mike wazowski:** "controlling bastard" im-  
just tell me where the fuck u went

 **st jimmy:** fINE  
i went home  
happy?

 **mike wazowski:** what?   
why the fuck would u go back there

 **st jimmy:** this might come as a shock michael but i still have a mother and she wanted to see me to make sure i was still alive   
she hasnt seen me for months 

 **mike wazowski:** yeah as if she actually cares about u...

 **st jimmy:** if ur gonna be a jerk im out

 

 **\- st jimmy** left **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **mike wazowski:** i dont even know where he is im not dealing with this today

 **patdaddy:** uh  
what jiust happened?

 **troy:** ill go find him and make sure hes ok

 **saltyboi:** tre is a good fren  
a pure boi  
we should all be more like tre

 **taylor:** we should not

 **fuckdaddy:** i hate to be the one who brings this up  
but do u think maybe  _he_ is back?

 **yeet:** who?????

 **egard:** oh god i hope not  
im fucking scared now

 **josh the living meme:** chill he wont come back  
we threatened him quite a lot  
and mikey actually said he would murder him if he tried anything 

 **patdaddy:** u guys are concerning me.. what happened? is billie okay?

 **breadhob:** oh boy i forgot u guys know next to nothing about the chats history 

 **yeet:** im kind of curious right now.......

 **breadhob:** come to my house ill explain all the shit that went down with billie a couple months back

 **patdaddy:** sure well be there in 10

 **leg:** billie will probably murder u if u tell them w/out his consent

 **breadhob:** honestly at this point i will welcome death with open arms

 **leg:** i...   
wow  
me too

 **fuckdaddy:** u guys good?

 **leg:** are any of us really "good" ryan?

 **fuckdaddy:** good point 

 **saltyboi:** in the meantime  
franks parents are still seeing the messages 

 **franko:** lmao nah its me now   
hi

 **josh the living meme:** do ur parents hate us?

 **franko:** they dont hate u theyre just kind of concerned about everyones mental health 

 **egard:** understandable 

 **mike wazowski:** alright so i literally made myself sick from panicking so thats Fun™  
if std is back im willing to go to jail for murder i dont even care anymore

 **taylor:** we need our mom back 

 

 **\- taylor** added **ray toro is a whoro** to **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **taylor:** MOM WE NEED U

 **ray toro is a whoro:** WHAT DID U GUYS DO

 **josh the living meme:** nothing oh my god u have 0 faith in us  
but billies acting sketchy and we think _u know who_ might be back

 **ray toro is a whoro:** voldemort?  
OH WAIT I UNDERSTAND  
oh my god no

 **franko:** ray hi im back

 **ray toro is a whoro:** frank im so sorry ur parents had to witness that the other day

 **franko:** they found most of it funny tbh  
dont worry about it

 **leg:** what was their reply to the forehead question 

 **franko:** brendons is definitely bigger

 **leg:** ha HA FUCK YEAH 

 **fuckdaddy:** if u were talking about dick size u wouldnt be cheering

 **leg:**...  
im not even going to reply to that

 **josh the living meme:** hey at least u got to miss out on seeing brendons whole ass

 **franko:** oh man i heard my dad talking about that  
he wasnt impressed 

 **breadhob:** first of all tell ur dad hes rude  
my ass is a solid 10/10  
and second of all i didnt mean to show my ass i forgot i wasnt wearing pants

 **egard:** noah fence how do u just forget ur not wearing pants

 **breadhob:** i have to go im spilling the tea to peterick 

 **saltyboi:** "peterick"... gross

 **taylor:** are u still a salty boi?

 **saltyboi:** NO  
I AM A SALT-FREE BOI

 

 **\- saltyboi** changed their own nickname to **salt-free boi**

 

 **salt-free boi:** see? 100% salt-free

 **fuckdaddy:** sounds fake but ok

 **troy:** i found billie hes refusing to get down from the tree he climbed up

 **mike wazowski:** is he okay?

 **troy:** i mean hes kind of upset but hes not hurt or anything  
i told him he missed out on franks parents and brendons ass and dallons forehead and hes laughing now so i guess thats a good thing?

 **franko:** im bawling tre is such a good friend   
he goes right out of his way to make sure ur ok and then he makes u laugh when he sees ur upset   
i love tre

 **troy:** hes out of the tree  
mike were coming to ur house  
apologize for being mean to him

 **mike wazowski:** i wasnt even mean??

 **troy:** just apologize itll make him feel better

 **mike wazowski:** fine   
but i wasnt mean

 **leg:** brendon have u finished spilling the tea

 **breadhob:** almost  
i think i messed up some details?  
oh rad billies ok   
tre u r good friendship 

 **salt-free boi:** its not a confusing story how did u mess it up?

 **breadhob:** my memory is Bad™

 **leg:** so.. add billie back?

 **mike wazowski:** no not yet

 

 **\- leg** added **st jimmy** to **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **mike wazowski:** did u just completely ignore me saying no?

 **leg:** yes

 **yeet:** oh man brendon just finished the story  
that shits intense  
poor billie

 **patdaddy:** holy shit ive never met std but i hate him  
if hes back me and pete will help re kidnap him

 **st jimmy:** u guys are NOT talking about this????  
what the fuck

 

 **\- st jimmy** left **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **mike wazowski:** WELL DONE DALLON U USELESS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I TOLD U NOT TO ADD HIM

 **fuckdaddy:** mike dont call him that its mean and hes sensitive 

 

 **\- leg** left **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **patdaddy:** mike.. what the hell

 **troy:** mike gets rlly touchy when it comes to billie 

 **mike wazowski:** im not dealing w this today

 

 **\- mike wazowski** left **dad fight: ryan vs patrick**

 

 **\- josh the living meme** renamed the group **the return of std?**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** i-  
im not even gonna try to explain why thats a dick move bc yall never listen anyway

 

 **\- ray toro is a whoro** left **the return of std?**


	105. tre's a single lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if yall noticed but i went back and edited all the chapters so now when the nicknames/group name change it's written differently. it had been bugging me for a while because i hated how i did it before so yeah... #change

**franko:** yO OKAY SO I JUST SAW BILLIE  
WHEN THE FUCK DID HE GET TALLER THAN ME

**salt-free boi:** WAIT WHAT

**franko:** HE WALKED PAST ME AND HE IS T A L L   
WELL NOT LIKE _TALL_ TALL  
BUT TALLER THAN ME WHICH IS #UNFAIR   
WE MADE A PACT TO BE SHORT TOGETHER FOREVER

**troy:** frank chill hes still a fucking midget   
hes only like 5'6 or 5'7

**franko:** I KNOW BUT ITS NOT FAIR WE WERE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME HEIGHT FOR 10+ YEARS AND NOW SUDDENLY HE ABANDONS ME  
PATRICK UR SHORT U CAN BE MY NEW HEIGHT BUDDY 

**patdaddy:** petes my height buddy sorry

**breadhob:** but petes taller than u 

**patdaddy:** not much 

**taylor:** wait have pete and patrick hung out with us properly yet??  
like real life hanging out?

**yeet:** no we have not

**taylor:**  maKE PATRICK STAND NEXT TO DALLON ITLL BE SO FUNNY PLEASE  
I WANT TI TAKE A PICTRUE 

**josh the living meme:** I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT OH MY GOD HOW WILL WE ALL GO OUT IN PUBLIC  
DALLON WILL LOOK LIKE PATRICKS DAD 

**fuckdaddy:** YES DO IT

**patdaddy:**  uh why? wats going on

**breadhob:** patrick have u ever seen dallon in real life?

**patdaddy:** i think.. at ur party that one time

**egard:**  he spent most of that night on the floor that doessnt count 

**patdaddy:** ok then no ive never seen him 

**breadhob:** bOYY THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUNNY

**patdaddy:**???

**fuckdaddy:** just wait until lunch meet us all on the roof

 

**\- troy** added  **mike wazowski** to  **the return of std?**

 

**troy:** in the meantime  
bike is back together

**mike wazowski:** we didnt break up in the first place tre 

**troy:** shut up ike let me have this moment  
i fixed a whole relationship  
yet i am still single

**taylor:** tre's a single lady

**egard:** mikeys also a single lady  
tre/mikey = trikey?

**salt-free boi:** GERARD STOP PROSTITUTING ME TO ALL OF OUR SINGLE FRIENDS

**egard:**  fine  
rays single  
tre + ray = tray? that sounds weird dont do that

**franko:** im pretty sure ray has a thing for mikey anyway

**egard:** NO  
NUH UH  
illegal 

**josh the living meme:** oh my god if ray and mikey hook up what will happen to tre?  
all of us will be in relationships  
TRE WILL BE 14th WHEELING 

**breadhob:** WE CNAT DO THAT TO HIM  
tre u can join our threesome and make it a foursome

**fuckdaddy:** BRENDON. IT IS CALLED  _HEALTHY POLYAMORY._ AND TRE IS NOT JOINING.

**troy:** i want no part of The Trainwreck Trio™ anyway  
im happy with random hook ups with older men

**mike wazowski:** as long as ur having fun i guess  
im adding billie back so frank cna yell at him for growing 

 

**\- mike wazowski** added  **st jimmy** to  **the return of std?**

 

**franko:** BILLIE WHY ARE U SUDDENLY TALLER THAN ME   
explain

**st jimmy:** science

**franko:** ok have a nice day

**st jimmy:** listen up fuckers  
i would like to apologize for being a shady bitch again i promise everythings fine i didnt mean to disappear and make everyone panic

**egard:** u r forgiven sir

**st jimmy:** also can someone change the chat name i dont wanna see that name every time i get a message

**yeet:** allow me

 

**\- yeet** renamed the group  **jones bbq and foot massage**

 

**st jimmy:** thanks pete

**breadhob:** y i k e s  i can never take bbq sauce seriously anymore 

**salt-free boi:** I REMEMBER THAT OH MY GOD THAT WAS TRAUMATIC 

 

**\- st jimmy** added  **leg** to  **jones bbq and foot massage**

 

**st jimmy:** congratulations u triggered everyone for life with ur weird bbq sauce kink

**leg:**????  
oH my oGoD  
rip  
im sorry

**fuckdaddy:** wait what

**breadhob:** this happened back when u were still a salt and refused to talk to me

**fuckdaddy:** oh

**egard:** shoudl we add ray back too? he seems happy not dealing with our shit

**franko:** he misses us i can see it in his eyes  
hes a sad mom boi

 

**\- franko** added  **ray toro is a whoro** to  **jones bbq and foot massage**

 

**josh the living meme:** welcome back sad mom boi

**ray toro is a whoro:** its good to be back 

**taylor:** ITS LUCNCHTIME U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ITS TIME TO SCARE PATRICK

**patdaddy:** no i didnt sign up for this what

**yeet:** i will personally fight anyone who hurts patrick 

**fuckdaddy:** pete shut up ur tiny

**leg:** why are we scaring patrick

**breadhob:** come to the roof all will be explained 

**ray toro is a whoro:** bbad things happen on the roof  
i will pass  
keep me updated 

**troy:** *good things happen on the roof  
principal daddy is back to catch us now <3

**mike wazowski:** what a time to be alive 

**breadhob:** dallon come oN were all waiting

**leg:** im scared

**taylor:** patricks the one who should be scared 

**patdaddy:** i hate this already 

**yeet:** reminder: i will fiGHT

**salt-free boi:** petes a feisty lil dude he will fuck u up

**taylor:** relax no ones getting hurt

**leg:** alright im here what do u want

**josh the living meme:** oH MYT GO D ITE EVEN BETTR TAHN UI THOUGHT   
W O W I  AM SHOOKETH

**mike wazowski:** ITS  LIKE LOOKING AT A DOG NEXT TO A GIRAFFE ITS HILARIOUS 

**ray toro is a whoro:** what  
im lost  
already

**fuckdaddy:** LOOK AT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATRICK AND DALLON   
L O O K

_**fuckdaddy sent a photo** _

**ray toro is a whoro:** SJIHWVUG  
IM DECEASED 

**st jimmy:** YALL I AM LIVING FOR THIS  
DALLON LOOKS LIKE AN UNIMPRESSED FATHER IST SO FUNY WHAT THE HELL

**yeet:** oh boi thats a rlly big difference 

**patdaddy:** WHAR TEH FUCK  
HES SO TALL   
HOW IS YTHAT LEGAL  
IM SO SCAREDD  
WAT IF I MAKE HIM MAD WILL HE JUST PICK ME UP AND LAUNCH ME INTO THE SUN  
WHAT ID HE DOESNT SEE ME AND STANDS ON ME I WILL D I E  
IS HE OK UP THERE   
HE MIGHT HIT HIS HEAD ON SOMETHINg  
SOMEONE SHOULD WATCH HIM TO MAKE SURE HE DEOSNT GET HURT  
PROTECT HIM AT ALL COSTS  
HIS LEG IS THE LENGTH OF MY ENTIRE BODY WHAT THE FRICK  
THIS SHIT IS WILD  
W I L D  
TALL PEOPLE ARE AO SCARY  
IS DALLON EVEN HUMAN? I FEEL LIKE HES A DIFERENT SPECIES

**leg:** patrick calm down u r scaring the baby

**patdaddy:** what baby 

**leg:** brendon

**breadhob:** a W <3


	106. billie has a weird hatred toward pants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving to whoever celebrates it. this is a mess as usual

**st jimmy:** shoutout to mike for drunk texting the nypd "i lobev u >3" last night

 **mike wazowski:** an accomplishment obviously  
how many ppl can say they drunk texted the nypd?

 **franko:** i never drunk texted the nypd but i did drunk text mikey one night    
that was an incident i never want to repeat

 **salt-free boi:** that makes two of us

 **egard:** none of u ever eplained what happend there btw

 **salt-free boi:** sorry gerard but thats between me and ur boyfriend 

 **patdaddy:** abort   
my parents are asking me who my new friends are  
help me

 **breadhob:** do not abort  
tell them about us and more importantly tell them about me  
i am gr8

 **taylor:** brendon literally all of our parents dislike u

 **egard:** false  
my parents like him

 **fuckdaddy:** ur parents dont count  
i mean... they like tre too  
thats weird  
no ofdence to tre 

 **troy:** none taken   
i know im not very parent friendly 

 **breadhob:** so patrick ill be at ur house later for thanksgiving dinner  is that cool

 **patdaddy:** no brendon what the actual fuck

 **breadhob:** great :) ill see u later then 

 **leg:** i apologize on his behalf   
ill come to supervise him  
also food

 **fuckdaddy:** hey ur not leaving me out of this  
ill be there too

 **yeet:** rip patrick 

 **josh the living meme:** i cant believe The Trainwreck Trio™ are going to thanksgiving dinner with patricks parents   
is this real life  
what even is this chat  
i love thi so much

 **ray toro is a whoro:** bye patrick u probably wonr be allowed to hang out with us ever again after this

 **patdaddy:** i was having a good day...

 **st jimmy:** is this a Trainwreck Trio™ offer only or are we all invited  
im hungry

 **mike wazowski:** billie there is a perfectly good kitchen just down the stairs from where we are now

 **st jimmy:** i do not know how to use kitchen things  
how does the stove work  
can i microwave a pizza?  
do u have a toaster   
dO U HAVE ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT U MAKE GRILLED CHEESE IN?  
fuck i really want a grilled cheese right now

 **mike wazowski:** u mean a sandwich toaster? yes we have one 

 **patdaddy:** fuck it why not  
ur all invited to my house for thanksgiving   
mainly because i need u all to babysit brendon and probably tre (and maybe bille too) but also because i think it would be nice for u to meet my parenst 

 **yeet:** YEET

 **patdaddy:** not u

 **yeet:** gA S P  
i am ur bOYFEIND  
this is discrimination

 **patdaddy:** PETE U BROKE THREE WINDOWS LAST TIME U WERE HERE

 **yeet:** HEY  
ITS NOT MY FAULT  
MY SKETCHERS WOULDNT LIGHT UP ANYMORE

 **fuckdaddy:** throwback to when franks heelies stopped working and he had a full on breakdown

 **franko:** sad times

 **ray toro is a whoro:** mikey im leaving my mom duties to u 

 **salt-free boi:** i am a small child u cannot do this to me

 **egard:** hey  
maybe for like 1 night  
no one has to be the mom

 **leg:** i think patricks the ultimate mom  
i dont thimk hes ever been in trouble

 **troy:** thats bc he hasnt been friensd with us for long  
its ok we will corrput him eventually 

 **patdaddy:** i got detention one time for stabbing pete with a pencil 

 **josh the living meme:** what a baby

 **st jimmy:** is this thanksgiving thing a formal affair?  
do i have to look fancy

 **patdaddy:** no just look normal

 **mike wazowski:** billie i can see u typing and i know exactly what ur gonna say  
yes that means u have to put pants on

 **st jimmy:** homophobia   
i refuse 

 **fuckdaddy:** if billie doesnt have to wear pants neither do i

 **breadhob:** ryan u already have pants on

 **fuckdaddy:** i will remove them

 **leg:** i am okay with this idea

 **salt-free boi:** oh my god 

 **taylor:** ive never been to a pantsless thanksgivng dinner before  
should be fun

 **patdaddy:** no one is allowed in my house unless theyre wearing pants

 **egard:** would ya look at this? racism at its finest

 **franko:** why are we all so mad about wearing pants? i dont understand

 **st jimmy:** I HATE WEARING PANTS

 **mike wazowski:** billie has a weird hatred toward pants  
no one knows why

 **ray toro is a whoro:** so now weve decided that everyone has to wear pants  
how are we supposed to act? like do we tone it down all the way or just some of the way

 **salt-free boi:** yall are acting like u never been around parents before  
what the heck

 **leg:** we have to make at least 1 good impression muikey

 **salt-free boi:** "muikey"  
dallon ur illiterate is getting worse

 **patdaddy:** just dont curse too much ok

 **franko:** how   
i dont get it  
hoW DO U GO A LONG TIMW WITHOUT SAYING FUCK  
I NEED HELP HOW DO U DO THIS

 **yeet:** this is gonna be a fucking disaster im gonna love this

 **patdaddy:** yeah if u guys didnt know pete thrives on chaos

 **troy:** SAME #twins

 **salt-free boi:** tre u are the literal defintion of chaos 

 **troy:** thank u

 **breadhob:** yo pattycakes what time should we turn up and start behaving 

 **patdaddy:** dont call me that  
also whenever u feel like it idk

 **breadhob:** good because im already outside ur house

 **patdaddy:** i dont remember telling u where i live?

 **breadhob:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **mike wazowski:** i just had to physically force billie to put pants on what is this hell

 **st jimmy:** i will shank u if u ever do that again

 **egard:** frank bby where did u go

 **franko:** i went outside to scream curses at the sky to get it out of my system  
i think im good

 **leg:** rip i walked into the wrong house and yelled "whats up fuckers" and now an old woman is shouting at me

 **yeet:** patrick im climbing trhough ur bedroom window because i know damn well u wont let me in the front door

 **ray toro is a whoro:** IM SO READY TO NOT BE THE MOM AND NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT U DELINQUENTS DO  
FUCK YEAH

 

 **patdaddy:** i have made a huge mistake


	107. tag urself im the wig

**patdaddy:** update: my parents are concerned about everyones mental health 

 **mike wazowski:** i think we can all agree things were perfecty fine until billie stood up to give a "speech"

 **st jimmy:** shut up mike u were no better

 **mike wazowski:** AT LEAST IM NOT THE ONE WHO CURSED 29 TIMES IN A ROW AND THEN SOMEHOW MANAGED TO BREAK AN ENTIRE TABLE 

 **st jimmy:** NO   
BUT   
U ASKED PATRICKS DAD WHERE HE BUYS HIS WIGS FROM 

 **mike wazowski:** yEaH wiELL   
TRE SOMEHOW SET THE TURKEY ON FIRE TWICE

 **troy:** FRANK AND BRENDON BROKE 17 PLATES BETWEEN THEM

 **breadhob:** OKAY BUT TYLER AND JOSH WERE PRACTICALLY DRY HUMPING AT ONE POINT 

 **taylor:** ARE WE JUST IGNORING GERARD "GOING TO THE BATHROOM" AND THEN COMING BACK WITH A HICKEY

 **egard:** I THINK THE MAIN FOCUS SHOULD BE RYAN REPEATEDLY SAYING "MOIST" AND MAKING EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE 

 **fuckdaddy:** DID EVERYONE FORGET ABOUT RAY KICKING MIKEY SO HARD THAT HE FELL OFF HIS CHAIR AND DRAGGED HIS FOOD DOWN WITH HIM

 **ray toro is a whoro:** OBVIOUSLY THE WORST THING WAS WHEN DALLON FULL ON STABBED PETE IN THE ARM

 **leg:** YES BUT THEN PATRICK THREW HIS DRINK AT ME SO WE WERE ALL AS BAD AS EACH OTHER

 **salt-free boi:** im just gonna block the whole incident out and pretend it never happend

 **yeet:** rt

 **josh the living meme:** moving on... its tylers birthday soon i vote we all partyyyyyy

 **egard:**  atthe last party we had ryan drop kicked pete hard enough to fly him into the next room  
dallon almost frickin od'd   
ray jumped out of a windw onto a trampoine   
patrick slapped mike  
the list goes on

 **fuckdaddy:** so u mean it was pretty awesome night

 **taylor:** can we like not get too wild   
i kind of dont want alcohol poisoning 

 **troy:** wait does that mean tyler the oldest one here

 **taylor:** yes it does

 **troy:** okay wow i thought u were like 12 

 **taylor:** thats fair 

 **mike wazowski:** billie: "im not extra"  
also billie: makes me carry him to every class because he slightly tripped  3 hours ago

 **st jimmy:** it fucking HURTS mike  
i think my toe is broken

 **mike wazowski:** ur toe is not broken

 **st jimmy:** my toe is broken

 **mike wazowski:** it is not

 **st jimmy:** it is  
carry me

 **mike wazowski:** i already am

 **st jimmy:** carry me faster

 **mike wazowski:** no

 **leg:** a thrilling saga

 **josh the living meme:** hA MIKE WAS TEXTING THE GROUP AND HE DROPPED BILLIE AND BILLIE SCREAMED 

 **leg:** the thrilling saga continues

 **patdaddy:** do none of u act normal ever

 **breadhob:** ha no

 **patdaddy:** i see why pete fits in here so nicely

 **yeet:** hey  
i do though

 **franko:** mr turner is talkng to the principal outside  
im lip reading  
i cant tell if he said frank or wank  
i think he said something about seafood  
delaware??  
turns out i cannot lip read

 **salt-free boi:** im sat right by the door why dont u just ask me i can hear what theyre saying

 **franko:** thats boring  
but fine  
mikey what are they saying

 **salt-free boi:** "i dont want frank in my classes anymore he keeps shouting at me and he stole my wig four different times"  
also i think he mentioned delaware  
maybe theyre seding u to delaware bye frank

 **breadhob:** tag urself im the wig

 **fuckdaddy:** im delaware

 **taylor:** im team frank in this war

 **josh the living meme:** im team mr turner  
sorry tyler

 **taylor:** heartbreak.jpg

 

 **\- troy** renamed the group  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **patdaddy:** do not literally fuck mr turner

 **yeet:** some people are into weird little bald men

 **fuckdaddy:** gross

 **yeet:** dont discriminate 

 **fuckdaddy:** g r o s s

 

 **\- yeet** removed  **fuckdaddy** from  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **leg:** pete no

 

 **\- leg** removed  **yeet** from  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **patdaddy:** dallon why dont u just add ryan back instead of remove pete

 **leg:** cause i dont play by ur rules man

 

 **\- patdaddy** added  **yeet** to  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **\- patdaddy** added  **fuckdaddy** to  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **ray toro is a whoro:** patrick im giving u the mom crown  
ur the ultimate mom

 **troy:** what corn?  
oh wait that says crown  
ignore me

 **franko:** rays the corn mom

 

 **\- franko** changed  **ray toro is a whoro's** nickname to  **corn mom**

 

 **corn mom:** thanks

 **breadhob:** wait if patricks The Ultimate Mom™  
why is his nickname pat DADDY  
shouldnt it be patmommy

 **patdaddy:** no that sounds gross

 **breadhob:** ok mommy 

 **patdaddy:** SstOP

 **breadhob:** m o m m y

 **patdaddy:** im blocking brendon 

 **breadhob:** jeez sorry mommy

 **patdaddy:** im straight up murdering brendon

 **breadhob:** no mommy im sorry

 

 **\- patdaddy** removed  **breadhob** from  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **patdaddy:** can u hear that? its the sound of brendon not being an irritating shit

 **leg:** what does that sound like i dont remember

 **josh the living meme:** YOO DALLONS THROWING SOME SHADE

 **st jimmy:** I FUCKING TOLD U MICHALE U FUCKWAD

 **mike wazowski:** okay i made a mistake and the important thing here is to remember thAT UR A BITCH FUCK OFF 

 **troy:** another domestic feud in the chat... unreal

 **egard:** do i dare ask what happened?

 **st jimmy:** my toe is actually broken  
and mike didnt believe me  
and he made me walk on it  
so now its double broken

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** added  **breadhob** to  **fuck mr turner**

 

 **fuckdaddy:** hey bren guess what  
billies toe is double broken

 **breadhob:** #ripbillie


	108. Never gonna give you up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is stupid and im sorry

**franko:** We're no strangers to love  
You know the rules and so do I  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you  
Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give, never gonna give  
(Give you up)  
(Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give  
(Give you up)

We've known each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you  
Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you  
Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry

 **patdaddy:** it is half 4 in the morning

 **breadhob:**  NO I MISSED 4:20 AGAIN

 **leg:** i shall weep for u my sweet sweet prince   
what a tragedy this is  
what a tragedy indeed

 **patdaddy:** ITS HALF 4 IN THE MORNIING STOP IT

 **fuckdaddy:** ignore dallon he hasnt slept for almst 4 days straight

 **leg:** sleep is a scam created by the government to trick us into putting our guard down so they can do experiments on us and rob us.. they brainwashed the entire world into believning we need 8 hours of sleep every single night to be a healthy functionng human being but u know what tthats complete bullshit no ones needs to sleep at all. stay awake.... keep them away   
STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY STAY AWAKE KEEP THEM AWAY

 **patdaddy:** how do u block people in real life

 **troy:** i burned my brownies   
sadness.jpg

 **mike wazowski:** yes tre i can hear u in my kitchen what are u doing

 **troy:** uh i just said im making brownies??

 **mike wazowski:** DO U NOT HAVE UR OWN KITCHEN TO DO THAT IN?

 **troy:** i lost my kitchen in the great refinery explosion of '56

 **patdaddy:** do u all just... wake up at ass o'clock... and start messaging each other... evry single night

 **egard:** YES  
SORRY I SOUND SO AGGRESSIVE I JAMMED MY CAPS LOCK AGAIN HAHA OOPS  
ALSO GOOD ONE FRANK U RICE ROLLED THE ENTRE CHAT

 **salt-free boi:** "rice rolled" no gerard

 **egard:** OH MY GOD NO I MEANT RICK ROLLED I AHAVE BROUGHT SHAME ON TE FAMILYT

 **patdaddy:** 4:30am and this is what im dealing with

 **taylor:** restrain billie hes climbingg into my bedroom

 **corn mom:** nO DONT LET HIM HIS TOE IS BROKEN HE SHOULDNT BE DOING THAT

 **taylor:** HE SHOUDLNT BE DOING IT ANYWAY 

 **st jimmy:** sorry tyler but ur house was closest

 **josh the living meme:** why didnt u just stay at mieks house

 **st jimmy:** midnight jog

 **yeet:** but its not midnight.... the plot thickens 

 **mike wazowski:** billie u never move faster than a brisk walk  
u didnt even half jog when tre set all the spiders free at the zoo

 **troy:** #memories

 **leg:** speakng of spiders  
theres one on the wall right now

 **fuckdaddy:** no there isnt

 **leg:** yes there is   
its watching me  
i know it can see me

 **fuckdaddy:** i promise there is no spider

 **leg:** how the fuck would u know

 **fuckdaddy:** becAUSE WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM AND IM WATCHING U STARE AT A BLANK WALL

 **leg:** whoa  
how long have u been here  
where did the spider go  
whAO this is wierd

 **fuckdaddy:** baUOGjhu3&£JK OGEXU"  
PLEASE JUST GO TO SLEEP

 **leg:** and let the government drill into my brain ? no sir

 **patdaddy:** i cant believe i have school in the morning and im sat here reading this  
see mom this is what happens when u tell me i need more friends than just pete

 **franko:** u know ur mom isnt actually in the chat right? she cant see ur message

 **patdaddy:** WOW FRANK THANKS FOR TELLING ME I HAD NO IDEA MY MOTHER WASNT IN THIS GROUP CHAT

 **st jimmy:** MY MIDNIGHT JOG LASTED 4 HOURS OKAY MIKE  
also sorry im so late sending this tyler was hitting me with a stick

 **mike wazowski:** sure jab

 **breadhob:** jab

 **corn mom:** jabba the hutt 

 **yeet:** JABBA THE HUTT

 **egard:** PETE DO U HAVE CAPS LOCK PROBLEMS TOO

 **yeet:** nah i was just excited about jabba the hutt

 **egard:** OK THATS UNDERSTANDABLE 

 **taylor:** billie it wasnt even a stick it was franks stupid lightsaber that he left at my house

 **franko:** wow i wondered where that went

 **josh the living meme:** billie can u get out of tylers room now

 **st jimmy:** ooh someones a jealous boi

 **patdaddy:** I HAVE THE MOM CROWN NOW AND AS EVERYONES MOM I COMMAND U ALL TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP   
NOW  
SLEEP  
ALL OF U

 **leg:** cnT MakE me bitchhhh

 **fuckdaddy:** dont call patrick a bitch hes trying his best

 **corn mom:** my name doesnt lie im still the mom  
ill always be the mom

 **salt-free boi:** mom fight mom fight mom fight!!!

 **mike wazowski:** billie are u coming back

 **st jimmy:** yes  
tyler is Mean™

 **taylor:** i dont appreciate peope randomly climbing through my bedroom window

 **fuckdaddy:** im going to sleep this is dumb goodnight 

 **breadhob:** ur in my spot  
move over

 **fuckdaddy:** no  
okay brendon just slapped me so im kicking him out of the threesome

 **corn mom:** wow.... ryan called it a threesome

 **fuckdaddy:** shIT   
NO  
I MEANT HEALTHY POLYAMORY  
ITS LATE IM TIRED SHUT UP

 **leg:** see what sleep does to people? it fucks them up and makes them WEAK

 **breadhob:** dallon shut up and go to sleep

 **leg:** NOVER  
i didnt know if i should say no or never so i said both  
#efficiency 

 **josh the living meme:** at least sleep deprived dallon can spell 

 **corn mom:** its almost 5am why are we like this

 **patdaddy:** EXACTLY MY POINT  
JUST GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP  
RIGHT NOW

 **troy:** mike can i sleep in ur kitchen ist too dark to see the window i came in through

 **mike wazowski:** sure yeah whatever   
thats totally normal

 **st jimmy:** its ok i just climbed in the window so now tre can climb out  
oh hes already asleep   
never mind

 **salt-free boi:** mike do ur parents even care what goes on in ur house

 **mike wazowski:** they gave up years ago

 **patdaddy:** OH MY GOD GO TO SLEEP

 **yeet:** patrick we had a discussion   
we think having the mom crown is too much work   
ur stressing and its making u grumpy   
give it back to ray

 **corn mom:** SIKE i never even gave it away  
do u rlly think i would trust patrick as the mom?  
i mean hes dating pete of all people  
thats not a responsible person

 **patdaddy:** u lied to me

 **corn mom:** yes i did

 **patdaddy:** how the hell am i gonna be able to sleep now???

 **leg:** YES   
GOOD  
MY PLAN IS CATCHING ON  
NO SLEEP SQUAD

 **breadhob:** he just passed out


	109. the bathroom fuck fest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya boi is back *dab*  
> late happy birthday tyler ily <3 (i wanted to update on his actual birthday but my laptop is being a bitch lately) sorry i disappeared dont execute m e

 

 

 

 **franko:** succ

 **salt-free boi:** s T o p 

 **franko:** The Good Succ™

 **salt-free boi:** let me drink my capri sun in peace

 **egard:** capri sun mikey really

 **salt-free boi:** well gerard im in school im not exactly gonna be drinking vodka am i

 **breadhob:** i am

 **yeet:**???

 **breadhob:** did u really think i would pollute my body with water? gross

 **leg:** ur slowly turning into an alcoholic  
are u okay?

 **breadhob:** probably not idk  
i dotn wanna talk about it

 **taylor:** im going home to erase myself from existence 

 **josh the living meme:** hes being overdramatic ignore him

 **taylor:** im not being overdramatic   
i want 2 die

 **josh the living meme:** tyler stop it was adorable

 **taylor:** i hate myself

 **patdaddy:** are you going to explain or what

 **taylor:** no

 **josh the living meme:** there was a talent show and he went up to sing

 **egard:** i didng know he could sing what

 **salt-free boi:** gerard do u pay attention ever  
tyler is a god

 **fuckdaddy:** ok but have u heard brendon???

 **yeet:** have u heard pATRICK???????

 **st jimmy:** have u heard me? im good too

 **mike wazowski:** yes u are <3

 **corn mom:** ok so we have established certain squad members can sing  
now i wanna know what happened to tyler

 **taylor:** its so bad im gonna bury myself alive

 **josh the living meme:** he went up to sing and messed it up but it really wanst that bad

 **taylor:** i had a whole thing planned out and it was gonna be l i t but when i got up on the stage i panicked really bad and my mind blanked so i started singing the first thing that came into my head  
it was "coconut coconut sharks in the water"  
and everyone laughed so i literally ran away 

 **troy:** i find this hilarious but u seem rlly upset about it so i wont make fun of u

 **corn mom:** wow tre thats probably the nicest thing u have ever said

 **troy:** thanks im trying my best

 **taylor:** how am i supposed to face these people tomorrow?   
im gonna cry   
im never coming back

 **josh the living meme:** tyler please calm down  
what if i embarrass myself in front of them so theyll forget about what u did?

 **patdaddy:** IM CRYING THIS IS SO ADORABLE JOSH IS SO PURE 

 **mike wazowski:** go josh <3

 **leg:** mike why are u sending hearts to everyone today

 **mike wazowski:** idk <3

 **josh the living meme:** u guys ill be back soon   
ily tyler

 **taylor:** ily2   
thank u 

 **patdaddy:** this is so wholesome im actually crying in class

 **franko:** i too am crying in class  
because i have no idea whats going on and mr turner is stressing me out 

 **salt-free boi:** hes being really harsh on u lately what did u do

 **franko:** idk but im about to steal his wig and run down the hall

 **yeet:** DO IT

 **egard:** why is this bathroom so disgusting   
im pretty sure there is actual semen on the floor  
what the fuck

 **breadhob:** wait what bathroom are u in

 **egard:** the one that hardly anyone goes in with the graffiti and the broken sink

 **breadhob:** yeah   
uh  
well  
that definitely is semen on the floor

 **egard:** how do u know  
oH MY GOD BRENDON U DIDNT

 **leg:** zoinks

 **breadhob:** ME AND DALLON WERE IN THERE IM SORRY I DIDNT THINK ANYONE USED THAT BATHROOM ANYMORE

 **egard:** IT WAS CLOSEST AND IM LAZY  
AND IDC THAT U WERE FRICK FRACKING BUT U COULD HAVE AT LEAST CLEANED IT UP

 **breadhob:** I WAS GOING TO BUT A TEACHER WALKED IN AND TOLD US TO GO TO CLASS   
I COULDNT EXACTLY ASK HER TO WAIT WHILE I CLEANED MY CUM OFF THE FLOOR COULD I

 **fuckdaddy:** it would have  been funny if u did though 

 **breadhob:** tru

 **fuckdaddy:** im kind of offended i wanst invited to the bathroom fuck fest?

 **st jimmy:** "bathroom fuck fest" im crying

 

 **\- mike wazowski** renamed the group  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 

 **leg:**  welp ryan better luck next time buddy

 **fuckdaddy:** what the fuck?

 **troy:** OH MY GOD IM ABOUT TO DIE MR TURNER YELLED AT FRANK FOR HAVING HIS PHONE OUT AND HES MAKING HIM READ OUT WHAT HES LAUGHING AT

 **salt-free boi:** tre calm down frank obviously isnt gonna read out a conversation about our friends gettin it on in the bathroom  
oAIIHSVGDQUh  
HES READING IT OUT  
RIP RIP RIP RIP RIP

 **corn mom:** im getting so much second hand embarrassment i think i might drop dead

 **patdaddy:** Oh Boy™

 **leg:** FRANK IF U GET US IN TROUBLE I WILL LAUNCH U INTO THE SUN

 **salt-free boi:** DALLON SHUT THE FUCK UP HE JUST READ OUT WHAT U SAID  
NOW HES READING WHAT IM SAYING  
FRANK STOP

 **troy:** MR TURNER IS R E D HES SO ANGRY 

 **corn mom:** this is a good christian chat what is going on here

 **salt-free boi:** ray its ok he stopped reading out

 **corn mom:** good  
whAT THE FUCK FENAK

 **yeet:** "fenak" same ray same

 **patdaddy:** lets check in on joshler  
@joshler where r u

 **taylor:** i love josh so much omg  
he just walked onstage and completely humiliated himself and now everyoens making fun of him and it sucks but i love him <3

 **josh the living meme:** at leats theyre not focusing on u anymore <3

 **salt-free boi:** so many hearts being sent today why is everyone being so nice

 **egard:** we are evolving 

 **franko:**  and now... a formal apology to brendon and dallon   
ur prob gonna get in some trouble but on a worst note a bunch of homophobic dickbags know ur not Heteros

 **breadhob:** wow  
just fucking great  
honestly u can fuck yourself

 

 **\- breadhob** left  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **yeet:** what the hell is wrong with him  
usually he would find this funny

 **fuckdaddy:** hes been acting weird lately   
dallon can deal w him

 **leg:** no  
for real though frank that was a dick move and ur kind of an asshole

 **franko:** uh im sorry mr turner made me read it out? ur fault for talking about it in the chat in the first place

 **leg:** sure whatever

 

 **\- leg** left  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **st jimmy:** wow ok bye

 **troy:** rip bryllon 

 **corn mom:** trE NO  
DONT SAY THAT  
WEVE BEEN THROIGH TOO MUCH WEVE COME SO FAR WE CANT JUST THROW IT AWAY NOW 

 **mike wazowski:** well would ya look at that folks its time for me to go home and hide in my room and pretend this isnt happening

 **patdaddy:** rt

 **fuckdaddy:** why are my boyfriends so Extra™

 **taylor:** on a positive note  
i have the best boyfreind ever <3

 **josh the living meme:** <3

 **yeet:** we have decided to stan forever


	110. crikey

**egard:** brendons playing that game again where he keeps calling me at 2am   
oh joy

 **salt-free boi:** yes i can hear please turn ur phone off

 **egard:** get out of my room

 **salt-free boi:** shut up

 **egard:** fuck off

 **franko:** mikey pls go away

 **salt-free boi:** thiS IS MY HOUSE FRANK NOT URS 

 **egard:** MIKEY GO AWAY

 **franko:** GERARD TURN UR PHONE OFF

 **salt-free boi:** YES  
I AGREE

 **egard:** RAY WHY ARE U IN MY ROOM  
WHY ARE U EVEN IN MY HOUSE?

 **corn mom:** i was staying over?????? do u not remember

 **salt-free boi:** ray go back to my room

 **franko:** everyone go back to mikeys room and let me sleep

 **egard:** even me?

 **franko:** yeah if u dont turn ur phone off

 **egard:** #rude

 **patdaddy:** its 2am what are u all doing

 **egard:** everyones in my room and they wont leave  
miKEY GO AWAY STOP TOUCHING THINGS

 **patdaddy:** and u cant have this conversation in real life because....?

 **salt-free boi:** becayse our parents will get mad if we wake thm up  
frank what the fuck get out of my bed

 **franko:** i came in here because u were all being loud in gerards room

 **corn mom:** hey gerard brendons calling u again 

 **egard:** yeS RAY THANK U I CAN SEE THAT I HAVE MY PHONE IN MY HAND RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK

 **salt-free boi:** ANSWER. IT. FOR. FUCK. SAKE

 **egard:** F  I  N  E

 **corn mom:** mikey im going back to ur room

 **franko:** no go away im trying to sleep in here

 **corn mom:** go back to gerards room

 **franko:** no hes being loud with brebo now

 **patdaddy:** "brebo"

 **st jimmy:** yeah its the rules of this chat   
we have to misspell brendons name at least once a week or the almighty gods will descend on the earth and smother the world in flames

 **corn mom:** oh hi billie   
why are u awake

 **st jimmy:** insomnia probably  
idk anymore

 **salt-free boi:** FRANK  
GET  
OUT  
OF  
MY  
BED

 **franko:** ONLY  
IF   
GERARD  
SHUTS  
THE  
FUCK  
UP

 **corn mom:** I   
JUST  
WANT  
TO  
GO  
TO  
SLEEP  
WHY  
IS  
THE  
WAY  
HOUSE  
SO  
INSANE

 **patdaddy:** WHY  
IS  
EVERYONE  
TALKING  
LIKE  
THIS

 **st jimmy:** IDK  
BUT  
ITS  
PRETTY  
FUNNY

 **egard:** HOUSTON  
WE  
HAVE  
A  
FUCKING  
PROBLEM

 **taylor:** just came onto the chat  
saw there is a problem  
leaving again

 **josh the living meme:** im Curious™ im staying

 **taylor:** ok ig ill stay too

 **salt-free boi:** gerard.. was brendon crying on the phone to u or did i imagine that?

 **fuckdaddy:** wiat what

 **taylor:** yikes

 **josh the living meme:** is he oka????

 **egard:** yes he was crying  
no he is not okay  
im just gonna add him back and let him explain ok

 

 **\- egard** added  **breadhob** to  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **st jimmy:** brenny my boi are u ok?

 **breadhob:** gerard i said i didnt wanna talk about this right now

 **egard:** i know but theyre all nosy fucks and theyll be blowing up my phone all night

 **franko:** i wont becAUSE I AM TRYINGG TO SLEEP

 **salt-free boi:** GET OUT OF MY BED OH MY GOD

 **corn mom:** fuck oFF BOTH OF U IM SO TIRED

 **egard:** U SEE? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE HAVE SLEEPOVERS MIKEY

 **troy:** wow  
i missed a lot

 **yeet:** same  
im never sleeping again

 **patdaddy:** pete no

 **yeet:** pete yes

 **fuckdaddy:** brendon whats worm

 **troy:** good question ryan what is a worm

 **josh the living meme:** tylers a worm

 **taylor:** ur a worm

 **st jimmy:** were all worms!!!

 **fuckdaddy:** guys fuck off i meant wrong  
this is serious im worried about him

 **mike wazowski:** i promise i care that brendons crying   
but billie where the fuck have u disappeared to now

 **st jimmy:** busy

 **mike wazowski:** its 2am what could u possibly be "busy" with

 **st jimmy:** mind ur dang business

 **mike wazowski:** ok so we're back to this again  
okay  
fine  
i get it

 **st jimmy:** oh my goD mike stop being such a bitCH

 **mike wazowksi:** fuck you

 **fuckdaddy:** EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KNOW WHATS UP WITH BRENDON

 **breadhob:** my mom finally had enoigh of my "homosexual shenanigans" and told me i either stop being gay or i get out  
so then i tried to explain i cant just stop being gay but she said i was just making excuses   
and then my dad got involved and told me i have "issues" and i need to stop attention seeking all the time  
and then they kicked me out so if u dont mind im gonna go throw myself off a bridge

 **troy:** shit 

 **patdaddy:** thats so bad wtf  
does everyone here have shitty parents?

 **st jimmy:** just me and bren i think

 **fuckdaddy:** and me  
and dallon does too

 **corn mom:** thats it  
im adopting The Trainwreck Trio™ + billie  
no one will hurt then again

 **franko:** The Trainwreck Trio™ + billie is The Closet Foursome™

 **yeet:** u guys had a foursome in a closet?

 **fuckdaddy:** no we did not  
the 4 of us got locked in a closet but there was no foursome  
there was some minor groping though  
and a whole fuck load of sexual tension  
and a fight

 **patdaddy:** im just not gonna ask questions

 **taylor:** yeah thats safer

 **fuckdaddy:** brendon where even are u

 **breadhob:** at dallons  
oh shit i forgot to add him back

 

 **\- breadhob** added  **leg** to  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **josh the living meme:** the squad is reunited aw

 **leg:** hey frank im sorry for getting mad at u

 **franko:** its cool  
im sorry for outing u to all the assholes

 **leg:** fuck i forgot about that  
u r half forgiven

 **franko:** good enough

 **leg:** im mentally preparing myself for the screaming thats gonna happen when my parents see brendon in my room

 **salt-free boi:** im about to throw hands  
frank got out of my bed and ray got in  
ITS MY BED

 **yeet:** crikey if its that big a deal just sleep in the same bed

 **egard:** NO  
illegal

 **troy:** PETE CALLED MIKEY CRIKEY IM CRYING REAL TEARS

 

 **\- josh the living meme** changed  **salt-free boi's** nickname to  **crikey**

 

 **crikey:** wow thanks josh

 **breadhob:** im gonna live under a bridge and charge people $5 to cross

 **st jimmy:** or u can just stay at my house  
no ones there

 **mike wazowski:** hm are u sure

 **st jimmy:** yes im sure i was just there

 **mike wazowski:** what if i go and check

 **st jimmy:** or u can just stay the fuck away

**patdaddy:** _yikes_

**breadhob:**  yeah but billie what about ur mom

 **st jimmy:** she disappeared a few days ago 

 **taylor:** that sounds kind of creepy??

 **leg:** what if  _he_ comes back

 **st jimmy:** he wont now shut the fuck up about it

 **crikey:** rAy GeT oUt Of My BeD

 **corn mom:** MOM NEEDS HIS SLEEP  
GO AWAY

 **crikey:** ITS MY ROOM  
gearrd im coming in ur room

 **egard:** no fuck off

 **franko:** i second that  
go away crikey

 **crikey:** i hate all of u

 **egard:** brendon u can stay at my house again if u want u can have my floor

 **crikey:** SO U LET BRENDON IN UR ROOM BUT NOT UR OWN BROTHER

 **egard:** brendon is literally homeless right now  
mikey get the fuck out of my room

 **franko:** now ray is also in the room  
im going back to mikeys room

 **egard:** same

 **crikey:** NO

 **corn mom:** i just want........... to sleep  
why is life so cruel to me

 **troy:** i dont feel emotions but i always feel tired

 **patdaddy:** rt


	111. the babadook is a pretty sexy guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy (late) birthday tre; the best drummer to ever grace this earth <3

 

 **egard:** yall i am so fucking tired

 **taylor:** dont say yall  
gross

 **fuckdaddy:** yall

 **taylor:** blocked 

 **crikey:** im so tired i just walked into the door and apologized to it

 **corn mom:** why is everyone tired

 **crikey:** because our mom made me move into gerards room so brendon can have my room and frank was also in gerards room and no one got any sleep

 **breadhob:** sorry ur mom is so nice to me

 **crikey:** its fine i just wisH GERARD AND HIS BOYFRIEND WOULDNT MAKE OUT WHILE IM IN THE SAME ROOM

 **franko:** we didnt "make out" he kissed me once   
ur such a child

 **crikey:** im older than u

 **troy:** YA BOI IS FINALLY 16

 **leg:** ahjap  
ha  
p

 **patdaddy:** what?

 **leg:** hapuyb bor

 **patdaddy:**??

 **leg:** hapy  
happy brit

 **patdaddy:** its ok take ur time

 **leg:** happy birthday tre

 **troy:** thanj u buddy

 **leg:** my oheb   
pj  
i s  breken  
FUCK OFF  
my phoen is broken

 **josh the living meme:** how exactly

 **leg:** i ey

 **yeet:** "i ey" - dallon weekes 2017

 **leg:** FUCIK ODF PRET

 **st jimmy:** "pret" im dying 

 **leg:** i THere   
trhew  
my pHBE  
hpe  
HLEP ME

 **fuckdaddy:** oh my god hes gonna use the text speech thing

 **leg:** Taxidermy   
No

 **fuckdaddy:** im gonna cry from laughing it doesnt understand what hes saying because hes yelling  
HE THREW HIS PHONE OUT THE WINDOW IM SCREAMNG

 **mike wazowski:** a modern tragedy

 **fuckdaddy:** hui isTs dallon i hav rynas phone

 **breadhob:** but somehow u still cant spell

 **fuckdaddy:** bite me  
explanarion: yesteday i threw my phone at the wall because five nights at freddys scared me and it just kind of fell apart a bit and just then i threw it out the window so now i have no phone

 **st jimmy:** has it ever occurred to u that u should maybe not throw ur phone?

 **fuckdaddy:** no  
shut up

 **troy:** anyone feel like gettin turnt up tonight

 **franko:** YES

 **yeet:** YES

 **st jimmy:** IM ALWAYS DOWN TO GET TURNT

 **breadhob:** OBVIOUSLY

 **fuckdaddy:** UH YEAH COUNT ME IN (ist ryan now btw)  
dallon said hes coming too so he can use my phone to text u guys

 **taylor:** me and josh are just chilling also im gonna take a break w/ the alcohol my parents are getting suspicious 

 **corn mom:** yeah im gonna pass   
dont feel like dying tonight

 **patdaddy:** ur parties scare me so im gonna not come  
make sure pete behaves

 **yeet:** partridge its a party ur not supposed to behave at parties

 **josh the living meme:** pARTRIDGE WHAT

 **patdaddy:** DONT EVEB THINK BABOUT CHANGING IT

 **breadhob:** i misread "babout" as babadook and instantly got distracted 

 **troy:** same

 **franko:** the babadook is a pretty sexy guy  
10/10 would bang

 **taylor:** 10/10 would avoid  
too scary

 **corn mom:** 10/10 would take on a romantic date and see where it goes from there

 **egard:** ray omg

 **yeet:** see mikey  
look what ur msising out on  
get with ray

 **crikey:** pete fuck yourself 

 **fuckdaddy:** "is that salt i smell" - dallon  
yes im typing his messges for him becayse im scared hes gonna throw my phone

 **crikey:** no its not salt u smell it must be the smell of uR HEAD BEING UP UR ASS FUCK OFF IM NOT EVEN SALTY

 

 **\- crikey** left  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **franko:** so... the babadook

 **josh the living meme:** hes not my type

 

 **\- egard** added  **crikey** to  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **egard:** mikey stop being a whiny 10 year old 

 **crikey:** fuck ur ass

 **patdaddy:** im gonna throw myself out of the window if pete doesnt stop drawing the lenny face on every piece of paper he gets handed

 **yeet:** ur jealous my artistic skils are so much better than urs

 **franko:** have u seen gerard? hes a literal gOD

 **egard:** aw <3 ily

 **franko:** ily2 <3

 **mike wazowski:** billie ily <3

 **st jimmy:** YO theres a new teacher called miss jackson 

 **mike wazowski:** uh wow ok....

 **st jimmy:** oh right shit  
ily2 <3

 **crikey:** i saw miss jackson oh my god  
not to sound Straight™ but shes honestly a 10/10

 **fuckdaddy:** "ew gross remove him" - dallon

 **breadhob:** dallon do we have to remind u about the time u insisted u were straight?

 **fuckdaddy:** dobt nmake him mad he'll take my phone  
alRIHHT LISTEN THE FCUK UP   
IWAS U+IN A VERY BAD PLACE 

 **patdaddy:** this has been bugging me since i joined  
how do u manage to misspell EVERYTHING   
are u actually illiterate or do u just have issues with typing?

 **fuckdaddy:** contrary to popualr belief i am not iltierate  
i just type way too fast 

 **troy:** and his hands are freakishly big

 **breadhob:** u know what they say about big hands ;)

 **st jimmy:** u can hold more bread

 **mike wazowski:** yes billie thats exactly what they say about big hands

 **fuckdaddy:** i have my phone back

 **josh the living meme:** i just saw miss jackson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
mikey u were right shes honestly a goddess

 **taylor:** i would be mad but i saw her too and holy shit

 **franko:** so a new teacher joins and suddenly everyone is questioning their sexuality

 **mike wazowski:** not me  
yet

 **st jimmy:** tf do u mean "yet"

 **mike wazowski:** i havent seen her yet  
idk what she looks like

 **yeet:** ill get a picture

 **patdaddy:** pete dont be weird

 **yeet:** shut up u love me being weird

 **corn mom:** what if mikey does the do with miss jackson

 **egard:** MIKEY NO

 **crikey:** HEY  
IF TRE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX WITH BOTH PRINCIPALS AND GOD KNOWS HOW MANY OTHER TEACHERS  
THEN IM ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX WITH ONE (1) TEACHER

 **patdaddy:** i thought the rumors about tre and the principals were just rumors....

 **troy:** nothing u hear about me is a rumor ;)  
except for the goat thing that definitely is a rumor im not that weird

 **breadhob:** some advice for our new recruits: if u hear any weird rumors about tre.. just assume theyre true 

 **troy:**...  
cant argue with that

 **mike wazowski:** if u hear any weird rumors about any of us just assume theyre true

 **yeet:** did u really start a fire in the hall and then pee on it

 **mike wazowski:** yes i did

 **patdaddy:** what the hell?

 **st jimmy:** STOP WHAT UR DOING  
none of us have festive nicknames   
this is blasphemous 

 

 **\- yeet** changed their own nickname to  **christmas**

 

 **christmas:** happy?

 **st jimmy:** u were very quick i like that   
ur creativity could be better  
it is festive tho   
overall i give u 5/10

 

 **\- breadhob** changed their own nickname to  **santa claus**

 

 **santa claus:** hows that

 **st jimmy:** hm  
u werent as fast as pete but still pretty fast  
again the creativity isnt very good  
but its very festive  
overall 4/10

 **santa claus:** what the fuck how did pete score higher than me

 **christmas:** because i was faster

 

 **\- egard** changed their own nickname to  **christmas tree**

 

 **christmas tree:** rate me

 **st jimmy:** u were pretty slow  
zero creativity  
but its festive  
overall 2/10

 **christmas tree:** ok what the actual fuck 

 

 **\- mike wazowski** changed their own nickname to  **mike (festive)**

 

 **st jimmy:** wow ok uh  
ur really slow  
u have 0 creativity   
its not even festive  
10/10 <3

 **christmas tree:**????????????????????

 **santa claus:** H O W ?

 **christmas:** WHAY THE FUCK

 **patdaddy:** "whay the fuck" ok pete

 **christmas:** shut ur hell

 **mike (festive):** ha btches i won the christmas name contest

 **crikey:** i feel a rlly close connection to crikey so im nto changing mine 

 **fuckdaddy:** dallon wants to change his to merry crisis but he cant lmao rip

 **taylor:** u could change it for him

 **fuckdaddy:** lol no wheres the fun in that

 **josh the living meme:** sometimes i think u and dallon dotn even like each other

 **fuckdaddy:** "we dont" - dallon  
wait what

 **santa claus:** hes joking obviously  
right

 **fuckdaddy:** "yes" - dallon  
"or am i?" - also dallon

 **franko:** i would change my name but franko reminds me of james franco and james franco is hella fine so no

 **christmas tree:** help me franks gonna leave me for james franco

 **franko:** bye

 **troy:** FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **corn mom:** do u have beef with james franco as well as matt damon?

 **troy:** no  
but hes making my boi gerard feel sad so FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **christmas tree:** aW   
frank im leaving u for tre

 **franko:** well im leaving u for james franco

 **st jimmy:** FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **santa claus:** YEAH FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **patdaddy:** FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **fuckdaddy:** "whos james franco?" - dallon  
FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **corn mom:** FUCK JAMES FRANCO

 **franko:** yes guys the goal is to fuck james franco

 **mike (festive):** FUCK JAMES FRANCO AND FUCK U TOO FRANK

 **taylor:** FUCK EVERYONE

 **crikey:** FUCK CHRISTMAS

 **st jimmy:** NO DONT SAY THAT  
CHRISTMAS IS THE ONY GOOD THING IN LIFE  
U MIGHT BE A SALTYBOI BUT LEAVE CHRISTMAS OUT OF IT

 **josh the living meme:** so i take it billie is a christmas hoe?

 **st jimmy:** yes i am  
and im proud


	112. TRE IS TURNING INTO A MOM

**taylor:** she wears short skirts i wear t shirts  
shes cheer captain and i am literally handcuffed to josh please help me

 **leg:** ya boi has a new phone  
well its not mine its my moms  
but shes letting me use it to "converse with my weird overly sexual friends who curse too much"

 **fuckdaddy:** thats gr8 dallon  
what the fuck tyler

 **taylor:** blame josh

 **josh the living meme:** THE HANDCUFFS ARE LITERALLY FROM A CHILDS COP OUTFIT HOW ARE THEY SO STRONG  
THEY WONT UNLOCK  
FREE US

 **patdaddy:** wait  
u guys hanfcuffed yoourselves together with a kids toy and now ur stuck  
im sorry this is hilarious

 **josh the living meme:** please help us class starts in 4 and a half minutes and i cant be late again

 **christmas tree:** QUICK MIKEY CHANGE THE SETTINGS

 **crikey:** what kind of shady shit

 **christmas tree:**  DONT ASK QUESTIONS JUST DO IT

 **crikey:**  ok give me a second jesus christ

 **christmas tree:** NO MIKEY U NEED TO DO IT /RIGHT NOW/

 **crikey:** im trYING CALM DOWN

 

 **\- mike (festive)** left  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **\- crikey** changed the group settings

 

 **st jimmy:** NO FUCK OFF I WAS SO CLOSE TO LEAVING MIKEY WHY ARE U SUCH A LITTLE BITCH

 **christmas tree:** FUCK SAKE MIKEY U HAD 1 JOB

 **corn mom:** why did mike leave

 **st jimmy:** SHUT THE FUCK UP WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS

 **troy:** _yikessssssss  
_ u guys good?

 **st jimmy:** YES TRE WE'RE FUCKING DANDY WHY DO U ASK

 **leg:** "dandy"

 **st jimmy:** DALLON DO U WANT ME TO STAB U IN THE EYE BECAUSE I FUCKING WILL

 **fuckdaddy:** dont threaten him wtf

 **st jimmy:**  OH WHATS THAT? RYAN WANTS TO BE STABBED IN THE EYE TOO? OK SURE I GOT TIME

 **patdaddy:** billie please dont stab anyone in the eye

 **st jimmy:** fuck off  
just   
let me leave  
please

 **josh the living meme:** can someone PLEASE come and save us??

 **taylor:** josh get ur hand out of my pocket

 **josh the living meme:** i thought it was my pocket sorry

 **santa claus:** billie do u want to talk? we can go to the roof and get high if u want

 **st jimmy:** the getting high part sounds fun  
the talking part.. no thank

 **santa claus:** ok we wont talk 

 **st jimmy:** ok good  
i just wanna cry right now  
or kill someone  
actually no i want to do both

 **troy:**  oh shit something serious happened didnt it?

 **st jimmy:** wow tre thanks for noticing 

 **troy:**  i can skip class if u want?

 **franko:** um no u cant ur not leaving me w/ mr turner

 **troy:** u have mikey

 **franko:** mikesy boring

 **crikey:** hey...

 **patdaddy:** should i go talk to mike?

 **st jimmy:** fuck mike  
fucker can die for all i care

 **christmas:** thats a little harsh

 **st jimmy:** im sorry is this any of ur fucking business? no its not  
kindly fuck the fuck off

 **troy:** i'll find mike   
brendon has weed he can keep billie calm  
everyone else just... do what ur doing  
also someone should maybe help tyler and josh

 **corn mom:** did tre just........ mom us

 **leg:** i think he did

 **crikey:** w h a t  i s  h a p p e n i n g

 **fuckdaddy:** is hell freezing over? is the sky collapsing? is it the apoCALYPSE?

 **troy:** u guys come on i can be Mature™

 **josh the living meme:** yesterday u laughed at someone saying sperm

 **troy:** i was slightly tipsy that doesnt count

 **leg:** i'll free joshler if no one else will

 **taylor:** I LOVE U

 **josh the living meme:** haha no

 **st jimmy:** im gonna fucking fling myself off of the roof

 **santa claus:** ok the roof is out of bounds lets just go to the lil park up the street

 **corn mom:** brendons being nice... tres being responsible... whats happening today

 **patdaddy:** scary

 **christmas tree:** s p o o k y

 **fuckdaddy:** @joshler me and dal r coming to save u

 **josh the living meme:** good  
we're in class tho btw so try not to cuse a scene

 **taylor:** we had to walk in with my hand in his pocket to hide the handcuffs it was so awkward i actually cried

 **leg:** well my parents are in that stage of "if u get in any more trouble we're kicking u out" so i cant get in trouble so can u like come outside 

 **santa claus:** wait for real

 **leg:** yeah im trying my best to behave so if i avoid any of u its not bc im being a shady bitch its just bc i know we all act like jackasses when we're together

 **franko:** thats fair 

 **josh the living meme:** no we cant come outside

 **fuckdaddy:** i'll go in   
wait what teacher do u have

 **taylor:** mr carter

 **fuckdaddy:** yeah no he scares me ur gonna have to come outside

 **st jimmy:** come on guys its so easy to get out of handcuffs

 **crikey:** and how the hell do u know that?

 **st jimmy:** are u really asking me that  
seriosuly just scrunch ur hand up and wiggle it about and itll come out

 **taylor:** well i dont know what handcuffs u jave experience with but itS NOT WORKING 

 **patdaddy:** theyre a kids toy right? so its plastic or something  
just break it

 **josh the living meme:** theyre not plastic theyre metal

 **troy:** who the fuck would give a kid metal handcuffs

 **corn mom:** TRE IS CONCERNED ABOUT THE CHILDREN AW  
HES GROWING UP

 **troy:** EAT MY ASSHOLE RAY  
IM NOT TURNING INTO A MOM  
ITS NOT HAPPENING

 **christmas:** TRE IS TURNING INTO A MOM

 **troy:** NO IM NOT SHUT UP PETE

 **leg:** wait tyler josh i have a plan  
ask the teacher if u can sharpen ur pencil so u can go to the trash can right by the door and i be outside the door and ill fre u

 **fuckdaddy:** that is not going to work ever 

 **leg:** yes it is fuck off

 **taylor:** well my wrist hurts like hell so yeah lets do it

 **santa claus:** yall i never realized how fuckin rad billie is before  
hes my best friend  
i love him

 **st jimmy:** i love u too brendon <3

 **santa claus:** whoa hold up wer e not ready for hearts yet

 **st jimmy:** sorry i too get excited soemtimes 

 **santa claus:** yO SAME  
its likewere made for eacg other

 **troy:** whatever u 2 are doing please stop  
brendon u alreayd have 2 boyfriends

 **corn mom:** aw look at tre hes such a mom now

 **patdaddy:** its kind of unnerving

 **christmas tree:** its terrifying

 **santa claus:** maybe i want billie to be my 3th boyfriend

 **franko:** 3th 

 **crikey:** 3th?

 **santa claus:** yes my 3th boyfriend  
i will jave 3 boyfriends

 **taylor:** 3rd not 3th

 **santa claus:** u r confusing me be quiet

 **st jimmy:** 3th boyfriend it is  
so am i pary of the healthy polyamory now

 **santa claus:** yes

 **fuckdaddy:** no

 **leg:** yes

 **fuckdaddy:** NO

 **santa claus:** shut up ryan or me and dal will kick u out of the healtht polyamory and replace u w billie

 **crikey:** maybe u shouldnt talk about this  
i feel like this will end badly  
and today is alreayd kind of fucked up

 **christmas:** enough abour the healthy polyamory i need to know if joshler is free yet

 **leg:** im trying my best 

 **taylor:** well ur not ur too busy textng the chat

 **leg:** it would be rude if i ignored it

 **taylor:** i donT CARE JUST GET ME THE FUCK OUT O FTHESE GODDAMN HANDCUFFS

 **josh the living meme:** tyler stop moving ur making it harder

 **troy:** making ur dick harder ;))

 **corn mom:** HES BACK

 **crikey:** YES TRE MY SON U HAVE RETURNED

 **christmas tree:** YES YES YES I WAS SO SCARED 

 **patdaddy:** I THOIGHT TURNING 16 CHANGED HIM FOREVER

 **troy:** update: i found mike he said hes fine but i can tell he isnt

 **st jimmy:** stop talking about mike

 **troy:** what even happened

 **st jimmy:** i said stop fcuking talking about it  
mikey jst let me leave

 **crikey:** no 

 **st jimmy:** i will full on stab u when i next see u  
and i will cut ur body up in tiny pieces and scatter them all over town so no one will ever know what happened to u

 **crikey:**..........

 

 **\- crikey** changed the group settings

 

 **st jimmy:** thank u

 

 **\- st jimmy** left  **the bathroom fuck fest**

 

 **franko:**  ok thats concerning 

 **santa claus:** dont worry u guys i'll find out the gossip

 **fuckdaddy:** are joshler free yet

 **josh the living meme:** i am but tyler still has them on his wrist 

 **leg:** I CANT EGT IT OFF HE KEEPTS MOVING

 **josh the living meme:** mr carter is telling him to sit down

 **taylor:** i have to sit down hes getting mad oh my god this is awkward help me everyones staring

 **leg:** ok dont move

 **taylor:** i have to

 **leg:** ok but i accidentally handcuffed myself to u 

 **corn mom:** im actyally done with this chat 

 **crikey:** how does one even manage that

 **franko:** mikey why are u talking like the queen

 **crikey:** becayse i can bitch

 **leg:** tyler come outside

 **taylor:** no u come inside

 **leg:** nO mr carter is scary

 **taylor:** I KNOW AND NOW HES MAD AT ME

 **patdaddy:** im getting so much second hand embarrassment from this i want 2 die

 **santa claus:** oh wow okay   
everyone stop what ur doing  
i know what happened with billie and mike

 **christmas:** ooh what????

 **santa claus:** mike broke up with billie   
no explanation  
just full on dumped him

 **troy:** oh shit

 **taylor:** we solved a whole mystery buT I AM STILL STUCK


	113. dinosaurs dont have genders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is gonna get real for a second:::
> 
> I'm possibly the biggest wreck on the planet. I'm a weird, hyperactive, socially awkward, anxious, depressed emo kid, but for some reason this fic helps me. When things get too much for me to handle and I start freaking out (which happens a lot) I update this and it just... calms me down. I have no idea why.
> 
> When i started this, it was kind of meant as a joke, inspired by the strange things that happen in the group chats I'm in with my friends. I never imagined it would go this far or get this much attention. 
> 
> It's rare that i can focus on one thing and stick with it for long periods of time, so it's kind of a big deal that I've kept this going for so long and I update often (sometimes)
> 
> And when I get comments from you guys it makes so so happy it's unreal <3 It's like having my own little fandom which is fucking sick. I love all of you guys <3
> 
> so yeah....... that was my weird little thingy I felt the need to write. It's 3am ok i have a lot of thoughts at 3am.
> 
> And now back to your regularly scheduled shitposting :^)

**santa claus:** your boi just got a frickin weejy board!!!!  
ur all invited to summon the devil with me

 **fuckdaddy:** bren sweaty u are the devil

 **santa claus:** ryan is uninvited   
who else?

 **franko:** "weejy board" ok brendon

 **santa claus:** what?

 **franko:** its spelled oeeji board

 **christmas tree:** oueegey board actually

 **christmas:** its not oueegey board what the fuck  
its oiegi board

 **leg:** are u guys all dumb? its OUIJA board

 **troy:** u know we're fucked when dallon of all people has to correct our spelling

 **josh the living meme:** i thought it was luigi board...

 **corn mom:** josh.... luigi is the purple man from super mario

 **taylor:** no dumbass thats WALUIGI  
luigi is the green one

 **crikey:** i thought the green one was yoshi?

 **patdaddy:** yoshi is the dinosaur  
the man is luigi

 **christmas:** no patrick the man is called mario its kind of obvious

 **fuckdaddy:** u mean wario? wario is the yellow one

 **franko:** mario is the RED man  
wario is the YELLOW man  
we're talking about the GREEN man

 **crikey:** yes yoshi

 **leg:** is yoshi a man mikey?

 **crikey:** idk im not really sure of yoshis gender tbh

 **troy:** yoshi is a DINOSAAUR   
dinosaurs dont have genders

 **taylor:** life lessons with tre ^^

 **patdaddy:** "dinosaurs dont have genders" oh my lord...

 **fuckdaddy:** dinosaurs arent real so techically they dont have genders

 **christmas tree:** genders arent real

 **josh the living:** dinosaurs WERE real once 

 **fuckdaddy:** what proof do u have though?

 **santa claus:** uh guys can we maybe get back on track please?

 **christmas:** yes we were talking about super mario

 **santa claus:** NO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MY WEEJY BOARD

 **leg:** OH MY GOD BRENDON ITS OUIJA NOT WEEGY

 **santa claus:** well thats just dumb  
why isnt it pronounced weegAH then?

 **patdaddy:** i cant anymore

 **santa claus:** WHO WANTS TO SUMMON THE DEVIL WITH ME USING MY MAGIC BOARD

 **christmas:** "magic board" are u 6

 **santa claus:** pete is also uninvited to the summoning 

 

 **\- troy** renamed the group  **T H E  S U M M O N I N G**

 

 **josh the living meme:** tre dont be weird

 **christmas tree:** am i invited to summon the devil?

 **santa claus:** YES  
come over

 **christmas tree:** brendon... u r in my house  
u just invited me to my own house

 **santa claus:** uh yeah oops i keep forgetting i live at ur house now  
everyone is invited to my room

 **crikey:** u mean MY room

 **santa claus:** fine  
everyone is invited to mine and mikeys room

 **fuckdaddy:** that sounds weird  
dont say that  
but ill be right over

 **leg:** yall can count me out of this  
im not getting possessed again 

 **patdaddy:** u were possessed before?

 **leg:** honestly idk it was kind of werid  
but i know im not having sex in a graveyard again

 **taylor:** yeah u can count me out too  
i dont fuck with the spirit world and the spirit world doesnt fuck with me

 **josh the living meme:** bye im going to summon a demon with brendon

 **crikey:** rip brendon  
rip gerard  
rip ryan  
rip josh

 **christmas:** obviously i'll be over immediately 

 **crikey:** rip pete  
anyone else wanna die tonight?

 **santa claus:** dont say that its discouraging  
who else is down for a little demon summoning

 **corn mom:** my sensible mature side is saying no... but the other side is saying fuCK YEAH

 **crikey:** RAY HOW COULD U BETRAY ME  
rip ray  
wow at this rate i'll have no friends left

 **christmas tree:** shut up mikey u have no friends anyway

 **crikey:** fuck off gerard

 **franko:** im already here so yeah sure count me in

 **troy:** DONT LEAVE ME OUT

 **crikey:** rip frank  
rip tre

 

 **\- troy** added  **st jimmy** to  **T H E  S U M M O N I N G**

 

 **troy:** yooo billieboy u wanna summon a demon with us?

 **st jimmy:** the fuck kind of question is that? OBVIOUSLY I WANNA SUMMON A DEMON WITH U GUYS

 **crikey:** rip billie

 **corn mom:** its ok i'll keep u boring fuckers updated on what goes down

 **patdaddy:** im blocking all of this out and pretending i have normal friends  
bye have fun dont die

 **christmas:** no promises

 **st jimmy:** whos house is getting haunted?

 **christmas tree:** mine  
just go into brendons room

 **crikey:** ITS MY ROOM

 **patdaddy:** u know what  
im gonna mute the chat  
i might go talk to mike

 **st jimmy:** gross dont do that

 **franko:** i dont think brendons ever used a ouagey board before

 **leg:** *OUIJA  
WHERE THE HELL DID U GET OUAGEY FROM?????

 **franko:** irrelevant  
brendon has no ide what hes doing oh my god

 **santa claus:** shut up i know how to ask stuff

 **josh the living meme:** HE JUST ASKED A GHOST TO SEND NUDES I CANT

 **fuckdaddy:** is the room supposed to suddenly get really cold?

 **crikey:** RIP 

 **st jimmy:** yo this is actually kinda scary

 **santa claus:** i apologized to the demon i accidentally summoned   
do u think itll go away?

 **taylor:** oh dear lord this is.. bad

 **christmas:** OK WHAT THE FUCK ALL THE WINDOWS JUST SMASHED AT THE SAME TIME

 **fuckdaddy:** GERARD IS CRYING AND I WOULD BE LAUGHING BUT IM ABOUT TO CRY MYSELF THIS IS TERRIFYING

 **leg:** yeah ok sure thats believable 

 **crikey:** i heard the smashing   
holy shit

 **taylor:** everyones gonna die the end fuck sake brendon this is ur fault

 **santa claus:** HELP ME IM TRYING TO BURN THE WOUEGY BOARD BUT THE FIRE JUST GOES OUT INSTANTLY

 **leg:** "wouegy board" im done

 **fuckdaddy:** BRENDON WHAT THE HELL HAVE U DONE

 **santa claus:** U GOTTA ADMIT WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME THO RIGHT

 **fuckdaddy:** NO WERE NOT

 **st jimmy:** WHAT THE FUCK ALL TEH LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT

 **troy:** YOOO THIS IS SICK  
IM SCARED  
BUT ITS SICK

 **leg:** dont fuck around thats not even funny

 **franko:** HES BEING SERIOUS THE WHOLE HOUSE IS IN DARKNESS AND THE LIGHT SWITCH ISNT WORKING

 **crikey:** I HATE BEING PART OF THIS BUT YES THEYRE TELLING THE TRUTH IM DOWNSTAIRS AND IT SUDDENLY WENT DARK 

 **taylor:** josh pls get out of there

 **josh the living meme:** ITS NOT LETTING US LEAVE

 **leg:** what the fvuk  
how

 **christmas tree:** EVERY TIME WE GO TOWARDS THE DOOR IT STARTS THROWING THINGS AROUND  
RAY GOT HIT WITH A SHOE

 **corn mom:** this is Lit™  
lol im freaking out so bad im actually calm   
please help me

 **leg:** gr8 everyones gonna die and its all brendons fault

 **patdaddy:** once again im asking myself why im still in this chat  
being friends with all of u is like being friends with 14 petes   
im gonna die of a stress induced heart attack at the age of 18 

 **leg:** hEY  
some of us arent as bad as pete

 **patdaddy:** ur right  
mikeys kind of sane  
and ray is too when he isnt trying to summon a demon

 **taylor:** pat ur back  
did u talk to mike

 **patdaddy:** yeah hes not doing so well   
ill explain when there isnst a literal demon harrassing our friends

 **crikey:** uh ok thats worrying everyone upstairs just went silent

 **taylor:** oh my fuckin god they fuckin dead

 **leg:** mikey go check on them

 **crikey:** hell no  
im never going in that room again

 **patdaddy:** mikey they could be hurt or dead or possessed

 **crikey:** hmm not my problem

 **leg:** oh my GOD mikey just go check on them!!!

 **crikey:** if u care so much u check on them

 **leg:** im in my house in my bed where its warm no thank you

 **taylor:** josh???  
anyone?

 **patdaddy:** pete if u dont reply im dumping ur ass  
.......  
ok this might be serious

 **leg:** brendon quit fucking around

 **crikey:** i suddenly feel like i shouldnt be in this house  
im going outside   
whatever te hell they summoned does not want me here 

 **taylor:** hey u guys if u could stop being assholes that would be gr8

 **leg:** brendon/ryan/everyone else its not funny anymore we worried

 **patdaddy:** mikey please check on them

 **crikey:** im never entering that house again 

 **taylor:** well thats it then  
everyone died  
the end  
goodnight


	114. 9 people and 1 ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya boi fixed the mess that was the last chapter (like i promised) hopefully that won't happen again lol that was kind of Awkward™
> 
> also, the comments I got after I posted the strange little confession (is that even the right word?) were so nice and I was so happy. I wanted to reply to all of them but honestly I couldn't think of what to say (sorry) so I'll say this now: 
> 
> all of you who have similar problems to me, I hope everything gets better for you. You're all beautiful, amazing, fucking awesome people and you all deserve the best in life. I hope you get to do all the frickin rad things you have planned, and i hope it all works out exactly the way you want it to, and i really hope your life is the best it can be. It sucks that we're all going through some bad shit, but at least we're going through it together. I love you all <3
> 
> and if you guys ever need to talk or yell or do something, my tumblr is disappearingb0i (it's a mess, just like my life)

**crikey:** im moving out i swear to god

 **christmas:** is everything ok?

 **crikey:** i cannot share a house with 8 other people and a ghost its just not working

 **patdaddy:** that sounds insane what the hell

 **crikey:** it is insane and im about to kill every single person in this house and then myself  
geARRD STOP MAKING OUT WITH FRANK WE CAN ALL HEAR IT

 **franko:** wow mikey it was one kiss dont get ur panties in a twist

 **crikey:** AND IF RYANS FOOT TOUCHES ME ONE MROE TIME I WILL RIP IT OFF

 **fuckdaddy:** move then

 **crikey:** GO HOME  
BILLIE I SWEAR TO GOD IF U SAY SUCCULENT AGAIN ILL SHANK U  
i cant rlly tell u to go home but just go somewhere 

 **st jimmy:** well damn someones grumpy tonight 

 **taylor:** whats happening exactly???

 **christmas tree:** mikeys overreacting as usual

 **crikey:** THERE ARE 9 PEOPLE AND 1 GHOST IN THIS HOUSE 

 **josh the living meme:** am i missing something  
why are there 9 people and 1 ghost in ur house

 **troy** : u heard of two and a half men   
now get ready for...  
9 people and 1 ghost

 **taylor:** tre i dont think ur helping

 **troy:** im always helping

 **corn mom:** is the ghost still there? damn

 **leg:** wait so theres a real ghost in ur house?

 **crikey:** yes there is and right now theyre the only one not annoying me

 **santa claus:** gender neutral pronouns for the ghost  
nice

 **crikey:** we never found out theyre gender because u were too busy asking for nudes

 **st jimmy:** i cant believe bredon cheated on dal and ryan with a ghost  
smh hes such a hoe

 **santa claus:** binGLE  
*BILLIE  
what the hell bingle isnt even a real word

 **troy:** bingle jingle 

 **fuckdaddy:** BINGLE JINGLE IM SCREECHING 

 **crikey:** oh MY GOD RYAN SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **st jimmy:** whats up  
ist ya boi  
bingle jingle

 **corn mom:** bingle jingle inglestringle 

 **patdaddy:** no ones explained why there are 9 people in the way household 

 **christmas tree:** me mikey and brendon have to share a room ever since the summoning incident because the ghost claimed the other room and wont let anyone in  
franks here all the time anyway  
dallon and ryan came to see brendon and they havent letf since  
and billie just decided to move in  
and our parents are here too of course

 **leg:** what did ur parents say about the ouija board

 **christmas tree:** they didnt rlly care  
my mom did start talking to the ghost though  
"im not mad about the broken windows and lights im just disappointed"  
and then my dad asked them if they wanted to eat dinner with us  
he got upset when my mom told him ghosts dont eat

 **troy:** i love ur parents so much 

 **taylor:** my mom grounds me for a week if i say 1 curse word in front of her yet ur parents let u summon an actual ghost   
wow

 **franko:** patrick u said u would tell us what mike said 

 **st jimmy:** do we have to get into this

 **patdaddy:** yes we do  
bike is my otp im not letting it die

 **st jimmy:** its already dead

 **leg:** NO

 **fuckdaddy:** im cryinf

 **crikey:** ryan why are u so goddamn loud please be quiet

 **fuckdaddy:** bike is over mikey let me be sad

 **patdaddy:** well i know what happened   
do u guys wanna know?

 **taylor:** YES

 

 **\- st jimmy** removed  **patdaddy** from  **T H E  S U M M O N I  N G**

 

 **st jimmy:** heres the dealio kids  
me and mike are over   
we're not even friends anymore  
if u guys still wanna be friends with him thats cool but dont expect me to hang out with u guys if hes there too  
also can we just not talk about him in the chat   
this is the one place i have to escape from all the bullshit

 **troy:** we respect ur wishes 

 

 **\- christmas** added  **patdaddy** to  **T H E  S U M M O N I N G**

 

 **christmas:** no talking about m*ke

 **patdaddy:** damn ok  
can i dm them the details??

 **st jimmy:** do u want ur head to remain attached to ur body?

 **patdaddy:** yes

 **st jimmy:** then no u cannot dm them the details  
its over just forget it

 **crikey:** so....... back to the ghost  
they seem kind of angry

 **josh the living meme:** well brendon did ask them to send nudes 

 **corn mom:** maybe if u talk nicely to tem they will go away

 **franko:** i tried that  
they hrew a book at my face

 **santa claus:** u know what we gotta do? we gotta talk to them again   
find out how they died   
help them move on

 **leg:** yeah im gonna leave if ur doing that  
i cna handle most things but ghosts.... nope

 **crikey:** please go home

 **christmas tree:** mikey dont be fucking rude

 **crikey:** do u like sharing ur room with 6 other people???

 **christmas tree:** bonding experiences 

 **st jimmy:** bondage experiences ;)))

 **patdaddy:** im now convinced gerards bedroom is a hotbed of sin

 **fuckdaddy:** i would be totoally ok with that

 **leg:** ;))))))))))))))))

 **crikey:** my poor virign ears

 **troy:** so ur finally admitting ur a virgin

 **christmas:** hes definitely not a virgin *wink wonk*

 **patdaddy:** can we not

 **crikey:** i agree

 **fuckdaddy:** yo bren why are ur parents here

 **santa claus:** uhh fuck idk?  
im gonna lock myself in the bathroom tell them im not here

 **st jimmy:** im also gonna hide  
the only parents i trust are gerards and m*kes

 **christmas tree:** my mom is talking to brendons mom  
oH SHIT MOM ARGUMENT IN MY DRIVEWAY 

 **franko:** whaT  HEPPNEING

 **christmas tree:** BRENDONS MOM WAS LIKE "THANKS FOR HAVING MY KID IDK HOW U DEAL WITH HIM"  
AND MY MOM WAS LIKE "SOME OF US DONT PUSH OUR KIDS AWAY FOR BEING WHO THEY REALLY ARE"   
AND NOW THEYRE BOTH ARGUING

 **santa claus:** gerard i love ur mother so mcuh

 **patdaddy:** i want to fight brendons parents

 **leg:** same

 **fuckdaddy:** same

 **josh the living meme:** sacrifice them to the ghost

 **taylor:** DO IT

 **santa claus:** at this point im totoally on board with that idea  
i hate them both

 **christmas tree:** the moms are still at it  
brendons dad looks mad  
my dad looks highly uncomfortable 

 **crikey:** IM DONE I JUST TRIED TO GO IN THE GHOST ROOM BECAUSE I LEFT SOME HOMEWORK IN THERE AND I GOT HIT BY A BASEBALL

 **troy:** why do u have a baseball   
do any of u even play baseball?

 **christmas tree:** ew sports  
gross

 **patdaddy:** maybe sacrificing brendons parents will calm the ghost down

 **taylor:** good plan patrick  
lets do it

 **leg:** tyler were not actually sacrificing 2 people to an angry ghost  
wait are we?

 **corn mom:** no we are not

 **christmas:** YALL ARE SO BORING


	115. chad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DALLON FRICKIN WEEKES REPLIED TO ME ON TWITTER IM LIVING

**patdaddy:** i just had to sort out another shit show!!! yay go me

 **crikey:** what happened now?  
i bet it was billie  
or brendon  
or frank  
or tre

 **taylor:** ah yes  
the infamous bbft

 **josh the living meme:** no tyler its bbftp now  
it was formally changed to include pete remember?

 **taylor:** oh yeah

 **christmas:** yes bitches 

 **patdaddy:** it was not bbftp  
it was ryan

 **fuckdaddy:** my actions were justified 

 **patdaddy:** YOU TRIED TO CHOKE BRENDONS DAD 

 **corn mom:** ryAN NO THAT CAN KILL HIM

 **fuckdaddy:** THATS WHAT I WAS AIMING FOR  
HIS PARENTS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE I HATE THEM

 **patdaddy:** yeah so ryan tried to choke brendons dad  
brendons mom came outside and started hitting ryan   
i had to stop it

 **leg:** i helped

 **patdaddy:** u hid behind a car

 **leg:** the shouting made me anxious 

 **patdaddy:** also brendon wont be on because his parents are making him got to dinner with them so they can talk as a family about some things

 **troy:** damn  
rip brendon

 **st jimmy:** me and gerard have been bonding with the ghost  
we did another woggy board

 **leg:** "woggy" im actually done

 **christmas tree:** the ghosts name is chad

 **corn mom:** are u fucking kidding me  
u have a frat bro ghost

 **taylor:** i cant believe u guys were all scared of a dead frat bro

 **josh the living meme:** dead frat bros are scary

 **fuckdaddy:** living frat bros are scarier

 **leg:** rt

 **st jimmy:** anyway..  
chad is angry bc hes stuck in gerards house now  
and we dont know how to set him free

 **patdaddy:** burn his bones like on supernatural

 **christmas tree:** uh no  
im not risking getting caught digging up a grave

 **crikey:** can u ask chad if i can have my room back pls?

 **st jimmy:** he said no

 **crikey:** u didn even ask him

 **st jimmy:** i know  
and im not going to

 **troy:** uh  
mike asked if i can add him back?

 **franko:** yes   
i miss him  
the squad isnt the same without him

 **leg:** yES  
add mike back!!!!

 **fuckdaddy:** do it

 **christmas:** i agree 

 **josh the living meme:** maybe we should ask billie first? 

 **st jimmy:** thank u for ur consideration josh  
my answer is as follows:  
no

 **troy:** dont be such a salty hoe

 **st jimmy:** uh fuck off

 **troy:** uh no

 **st jimmy:** uH YEAH

 **troy:** uH MAKE ME BITCH

 **st jimmy:** UH I WILL BITCH

 **troy:** UH IM WAITING BITCH

 **corn mom:** uh can we chill?

 **taylor:** uh i dont like this

 **josh the living meme:** uh me neither

 **christmas tree:** uh im gonna go talk to chad

 **st jimmy:** uh same  
do what u want tre idc

 **troy:** YEET

 

 **\- troy** added  **mike (festive)** to  **T H E  S U M M O N I N G**

 

 **franko:** ayy waddup mike my boi

 **fuckdaddy:** yo mike guess what  
brendon summoned a ghost in mikey/brendons bedroom and now theres an angry dead frat boy called chad living at the way house

 **mike (festive):** wild  
u guys dont hate me right?

 **taylor:** no  
but thats because we dont actually know what happened

 **leg:** yeah all we know is u broke up with billie but didnt tell him why

 **mike (festive):** well thats bullshit i told him exactly why  
its because of how weirdly secretive he is and he keeps disappearing and he never tells me anything anymore

 **st jimmy:** bite me

 **mike (festive):** oh so u finnaly decide to reply to me

 **st jimmy:** i wasnt talking to u  
go away

 **mike (festive):** u said "bite me" who else could that be directed at

 **st jimmy:** mikey

 **crikey:** wHAT THE HELL DID I DO??

 **st jimmy:** UR MAKING CHAD ANGRY BY ASKING FOR UR ROOM BACK

 **crikey:** WELL I DONT GIVE A FUCKEROO ABOUT CHAD

 **christmas:** "fuckeroo" me 2 mikey

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** renamed the group  **fuckeroo**

 

 **crikey:** i hate all of u so much sometimes

 **christmas tree:** oh would u look at that  
chad broke mikeys phone

 **st jimmy:** *you broke mikeys phone  
i watched u throw it at the wall

 **christmas tree:** that is false information   
MIKEY PUNCHED ME MY NOSE IS BLEEDING IM TELLING MOM ON HIM

 **franko:** get rekt

 **leg:** haha fucker

 **troy:** rip gayrard

 **christmas tree:** I AGREE WITH MIKEY  
I HATE ALL OF U SOMETIMES

 **taylor:** fun game: if u had to have sex with someone in this chat who isnt already ur significant other.. who would it be?

 **leg:** honestly...................  
billie

 **st jimmy:** *whip*

 **leg:** i take back what i said 

 **st jimmy:** no im sorry come back

 **josh the living meme:** brendon for sure

 **corn mom:** uhhhHHh  
mikey

 **christmas:** also mikey

 **troy:** calling it: mikey pete and ray are gonna have a threesome

 **corn mom:** no we are not

 **mike (festive):** literally anyone other than billie

 **franko:** tre ;)

 **troy:** frank ;)

 **fuckdaddy:** patrick

 **patdaddy:** aW  
but i choose gerard  
sorry

 **fuckdaddy:** </3

 **christmas tree:** i pick billie

 **st jimmy:** I FEEL SO LOVED OMG  
but im gonna have to go with tre

 **troy:** YEAH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 **patdaddy:** OH MY GOD TRE WHAT THE HELL

 **corn mom:** please dont do that ever again

 **santa claus:** guess who just had a panic attack and then got yelled at by his entire family for "causing a scene"?  
thats right folks its me!!!

 **franko:** oh my god are u ok?

 **santa claus:** i am now  
i climbed out of the bathroom window at the stupid restaurant place and ran away  
 im sat on a roof

 **leg:** where r u im coming to get u

 **santa claus:** i have no idea

 **st jimmy:** shit man thats rough  
do u wanna do that thing we do where we get high and ignore our problems?

 **santa claus:** yes  
please

 **fuckdaddy:** ok im lightly panicking can u maybe get down from the roof?

 **santa claus:** no  
they cant find me up here

 **fuckdaddy:** i know... but ur not in the best state of mind right now

 **santa claus:** oh my god ryan im not gonna jump

 **fuckdaddy:** i didnt say that

 **santa claus:** no but u implied it

 **mike (festive):** oh boy that sounds bad

 **santa claus:** mike!!! ur back

 **st jimmy:** unfortunately

 **troy:** how about  
instead of arguing  
we focus on brendon

 **corn mom:** is tre momming us again

 **patdaddy:** damn tre calm down ur gonna put us out of business

 **christmas tree:** bren guess what  
the ghost is called chad and hes angry bc he cant leave

 **santa claus:** i cant believe i summoned a fucking frat boy

 **josh the living meme:** why does life seem to be getting worse and worse?

 **leg:** because god hates us all

 **crikey:** i fixed my phone that chad didnt break  
oh wow brendons back

 **christmas:** i chose u to have sex with btw

 **crikey:**?!?!?!??!!?

 **patdaddy:** might wanna explain the context pete..

 **taylor:** there was a game  
if u have to choose 1 person fom the chat to have sex with who would it be?  
pete and ray both chose u

 **franko:** well this is it.... mikey its down to u

 **leg:** do u want pete or ray

 **josh the living meme:** is it gonna be petekey or rikey??

 **crikey:** um

 **troy:** U HAVE TO CHOOSE MIKEY  
THE FATE OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON UR DECISION

 **crikey:** UhHMMMh

 **corn mom:** not to brag but its obviously gonna be me  
hes over pete

 **christmas:** no one gets over me

 **crikey:** u said i could choose anyone right

 **taylor:** yes

 **crikey:** ok then  
i choose  
tre

 **christmas:** :O

 **corn mom:** :OOO

 **troy:** 3 PEOPLE CHOSE ME  
YEAH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 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 **st jimmy:** trE NO DONT DO THAT


	116. fReSh aVoCaDo

**franko:** the skull bones connected to the:

 **christmas:** leg bone

 **franko:** the leg bones connected to the:

 **troy:** penis

 **franko:** and that concludes todays math lesson

 **taylor:** what kind of meth have u been doing  
*MATH  
I MEANT MATH OH MY GOD

 **franko:** i have never done meth ever tyler how could u accuse me of something like that

 

 **\- franko** removed  **taylor** from  **fuckeroo**

 

 **troy:** u havent done meth? boi u r missing out

 **crikey:** tre ur barely 16 when did u do meth?

 **troy:** bible camp

 **st jimmy:** u went to bible camp??????? WHY?

 **troy:** to smoke meth... obviously  
its also where i had my first gay experience 

 **christmas:** what kind of bible camp did u go to? that sounds Lit as fuck

 **santa claus:** my first gay experience was in the back of my parents car with ryan   
my dad saw us and i said we were fighting 

 **fuckdaddy:** RIP i remember that it was so awkward   
i like how he didnt question why my pants were undone though

 **corn mom:** ok can we stop oversharing now please 

 **leg:** not to be dramatic but.. im going to die

 **josh the living meme:** i miss tyler already

 

 **\- josh the living meme** added  **taylor** to  **fuckeroo**

 

 **josh the living meme:** welcome back

 **taylor:** fuck u frank

 **franko:** no good sir fuck u

 **leg:** guys i said im going to die

 **patdaddy:** pete keeps saying fresh avocado and im about to slap him

 **christmas:** slap me daddy ;)

 **crikey:** gross

 **christmas:** hey u didnt complain when i said it to u ;)))))

 **patdaddy:** pete stop trying to make petekey a thing it was never real

 **crikey:** uHM  
yes it was??? for a few months

 **patdaddy:** no i mean it wasnt /real/   
he didnt love u

 **christmas tree:** oh boy  
patrick can ya maybe dont

 **christmas:** what the hell patrick  
i did love him

 **crikey:** uhhh what

 **st jimmy:** yeah pete what

 **patdaddy:** u said he didnt mean anything 

 **christmas:** ya..... i lied

 **crikey:**!!!!!!

 **leg:** guyS i am GOInG tO diEe

 

 **\- mike (festive)** changed their name to  **moike**

 

 **christmas:** no why

 **moike:** not feelin the christmas spirit this year   
sorry

 **troy:** ya wanna talk about it?

 **moike:** mmm no

 **st jimmy:** mike

 **moike:** what

 **st jimmy:** can we talk  
like irl  
preferably today

 **moike:** sure  
come over

 **patdaddy:** BiKe My OtP   
mY heArt

 **corn mom:** patrick calm down

 **leg:** guys im literally going to die

 

 **\- franko** renamed the group  **fresh avocado**

 

 **christmas:** what are u doing 

 **franko:** get to del taco they got a new thing called fresha...... fr e sh a voca do  
fReSh aVoCaDo

 

 **taylor:** so hows chad the dead frat bro

 **christmas tree:** he still dead

 **taylor:** thought so

 **santa claus:** is chad still mad that i asked him for nudes?

 **crikey:** yes

 **santa claus:** thought so

 **fuckdaddy:** fuck chad

 **troy:** fun fact: thats called necrophilia and its generally frowned upon 

 **corn mom:** have u ever tried necrophilia?

 **troy:** no ray what the actual fuck

 **corn mom:** sorry  
its just.. if anyone would try necrophilia it would be u

 **troy:** i mean i did get the idea once  
but it turned out that digging up bodies is way too much work

 **crikey:** i...

 **josh the living meme:** im going to mute this chat goodbye

 **santa claus:** of course digging up bodies is way too much work  
thats why they put them so far down: so people cant dig them up to have sex with them

 **patdaddy:** i dont think thats true at all but sure

 **santa claus:** what im saying here is .. if u rlly wanna try it.. make ur own bodies

 **fuckdaddy:** thats called murder brendon and as we all know murder is illegal and it can get u sent to prison for a very long time

 **santa claus:** only if u get caught ;)

 **leg:** im dying  
death is coming for me

 **taylor:** i wonder how the bike chat is going..

 **troy:** im listening outside mikes bedroom door  
mikes saying he fucked up and he misses billie  
billies being a sarcastic shit as usual

 **corn mom:** tre give them some privacy

 **troy:** i am  
i kept the door shut

 **christmas tree:** IM SO PUMPED FOR CHRISTMAS I WILL FUCK AN ENTIRE CHRISTMAS TREE

 **franko:** hot

 **crikey:** i want my room back  
im gonna fight chad

 **christmas tree:** u leave chad alone  
also its brendons room not urs

 **crikey:** BRENDON DOESNT EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE

 **santa claus:** yes i do??

 **leg:** this is it... the end.......... goodbye  
im dying

 **troy:** abort mission   
bike are on the move  
i repeat bike are on the move  
agHG MY SLEEVE IS STUCK IN THE DOOR 

 **st jimmy:** tre we can both hear u screaming

 **troy:** what no thats not me thats the hallway spirit

 **moike:** the what

 **troy:** the hallway spirit  
brendon summoned it

 **santa claus:**  i did no such thing

 **troy:** OH MY GOD BRENDON JUST TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM

 **fuckdaddy:** soooooo  
billie  
mike  
spill the tea

 **leg:** rip dallon  
he died becAUSE NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO HIM EVER

 **taylor:** hey dal  
when did u get on the chat?

 **leg:** i-

 

 **\- leg** left  **fuckeroo**

 

 **santa claus:** wow no need to be dramatic

 

 **\- santa claus** added  **leg** to  **fuckeroo**

 

 **leg:** as i said many times before  
im going to die

 **patdaddy:** why tho

 **leg:** my entire hell family are coming over in an hour   
that means i have to deal with racist/homophobic/sexist bullshit all over christmas   
and im literally gonna die

 **corn mom:** oh damn  
do they know ur Not Straight

 **leg:** i mean.. i told my parents but they were like !!!!! so i told them i was joking  
so no i guess they dont know

 **josh the living meme:** just act straight

 **leg:**???

 **christmas:** talk about sports and vaginas 

 **leg:** i dont like either of those things

 **christmas:** new plan: dont talk at all

 **leg:** will do

 **patdaddy:** ok everyone shut up i need to know whats going on with bike my otp

 **moike:** i admitted i was being a jerk and i apologized   
and i told him i miss him and i still love him

 **st jimmy:** and i told him i love him too and im sorry for always being so weird and shady  
and now we're back together <3

 **moike:** <3 

 **patdaddy:** my boys have grown up  
they have matured  
theyre not just bike anymore  
they are... bicycle 


	117. phineas and ferb is cancelled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS (to those of you who celebrate it) i hope all of you have a gr9 time <3
> 
> i'm posting this at 6am on christmas eve because i'm getting a ps4 for christmas and i know damn well i'm gonna be spending all my time playing gta

**crikey:** theres 104 days of summer vacation

 **franko:** and school comes along just to end it

 **moike:** so the annual problem for our generation

 **josh the living meme:** is finding a good way to spend it

 **fuckdaddy:** like maybe...

 **christmas:** sucking dick for cocaine

 **crikey:** phineas and ferb is cancelled

 **troy:** tHaNkS pEtE

 **corn mom:** its 7 in the morning how are yall already up and spamming the chat

 **st jimmy:** ITS CHRISTMAS RAY  
CHRISTMAS  
WE ARE EXCITED CHILDREN  
MIKES MOM GOT ME SO MUCH CANDY ILL PROBABLY BE 100 POUNDS HEAVIER BY TOMORROw

 **christmas tree:** this is good  
u can use the weight to crush the weak bones of ur enemies

 **st jimmy:** ooh good idea

 **corn mom:** one normal day  
thats all i ask

 **santa claus:** 7:09am and i have already ran away from my family

 **fuckdaddy:** did something happen???

 **santa claus:** they were just being shitty people as usual

 **leg:** at least u had the chance to run away  
my mom locked all the doors and windows and hid the keys so i cant escape 

 **patdaddy:** isnt that like... borderline child abuse

 **leg:** probably

 **taylor:** my mom wants me to stay at home today   
i dont mind but i wanna go see josh

 **josh the living meme:** il come over later

 **troy:** ;)))))

 **josh the living meme:** no tre

**christmas:**

**leg:** one of my uncles asked if i have a girlfriend ew gross

 **crikey:** do u think chad knows its christmas?

 **christmas tree:** go ask him

 **crikey:** he doesnt like me

 **st jimmy:** get rekt

 **santa claus:** hey dal  
what if i just burst into ur house and yell "the homo has arrived" 

 **leg:** what if u dont do that ever

 **patdaddy:** oh my god petes at my house already

 **christmas:** damn right i am  
let me in bitch

 **patdaddy:** uuGHGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **crikey:** me when pete does anything ever

 **christmas:** uh wow this is abuse???

 **moike:** billie please stop eating candy u r literally boucning 

 **st jimmy:** but its so good

 **moike:** please son  
ur mother and i are very worried

 **st jimmy:** no dad im not giving up my dream... im giving up YOURS

 **moike:** come home son

 **st jimmy:** no   
the raccoons have accepted me as one of their own

 **corn mom:** so i guess having a normal day is out of the question?

 **christmas tree:** well obviously 

 **leg:** "dont get anyone pregnant"   
well uncle jimmy i dont think its physically possible for me to get brendon or ryan pregnant so u dont have to worry about that

 **santa claus:** rip my dad just came and got me in the car hes mad at me  
he told me to stop trying to get attention 

 **troy:** i can call the cops and tell them ur dad is a drug dealer so theyll raid ur house and u can escape during the commotion  
i did it to frank once

 **franko:** my mom still hates u for that

 **santa claus:** no its fine  
i'll just throw myself out of this moving vehicle 

 **fuckdaddy:** please do not

 **josh the living meme:** my parents are shocked because tyler isnt here lmao

 **leg:** WHOEVER SAID CHRISTMAS IS FOR FAMILY TIME CAN SUCK MY DICK 

 **fuckdaddy:** it was me  
i said it

 **leg:** in that case, suck my dick

 **fuckdaddy:** gladly ;)

 **corn mom:** it is christs birthday and ur ruining it with ur sinful homosexual ways

 **christmas:** i can ruin anything with my sinful homosexual ways 

 **patdaddy:** hot

 **franko:** i got a new guitar fuck yes   
time to be loud

 **christmas tree:** "time to be loud" title of ur sex tape

 **st jimmy:** shut up brooklyn 99

 **christmas tree:** MIKEY GOT ME THE WHOLE BOX SET SUE ME

 **troy:** where did mikey get money from

 **taylor:** drug dealing probably 

 **moike:** i suddenly regret telling my mom to buy billie candy

 **st jimmy:** MIKE WONT LET ME SWING FROM THE CHANDLER 

 **corn mom:** "the chandler" ok

 **st jimmy:** CHANDALYER

 **corn mom:** sure

 **st jimmy:** CHANDILARE  
CHANDELER  
CHAMPAGNE   
wait no

 **taylor:** who the hell has a chandelier in their house

 **patdaddy:** mike does apparently 

 **leg:** i want to cllimb onto the table and yell "IM GAY" 

 **franko:** do it  
ill come over to fight everyone who says anything mean

 **leg:** im not gonna do it i dont want to die  
well i do  
but not like this

 **christmas:** AW PATRICK GOT ME A FIDGET SPINNER WITH MY NAME ENGRAVED ON IT

 **troy:** honestly,,,,??? GOALS

 **christmas:** the constant spinning of this fidget spinner symbolizes the neverending love i have for u patrick <3

 **santa claus:** IM CRYING PETE THAT WAS SO CUTE

 **josh the living meme:** only pete can make talking about a fidget spinner cute

 **christmas:** I MADE PATRICK CRY OH HNO

 **patdaddy:** happy tears pete  
these are happy tears

 **leg:** the next family member to ask me where my girlfriend is is going to get tazed  
also shoutout to brendon for buying me a taser 10/10 best gift ever

 **fuckdaddy:** why did he get u a taser though

 **santa claus:** in case he needs to taze his homophobic family members.. duh ryan

 **st jimmy:** brendon is so thoughtful omg

 **corn mom:** why does this remind me of when tre made me a pipe bomb for my birthday

 **troy:** ur welcome btw

 **crikey:** i regret getting up so early   
i crave sleep

 **leg:** i rave death  
crave*

 **taylor:** death rave  
both rad and spooky

 **josh the living meme:** sounds lit count me in

 **santa claus:** spooky scary skeletons send shivers down your spine

 **christmas tree:** brendon it is christmas 

 **santa claus:** SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS ARE GOOD FOR ANY TIME OF YEAR GERARD U UNCULTURED SWINE 


	118. the fancy third club: ryan pete & tre

**st jimmy:** on a scale of 1-10  
how crazy r we gettin on new years???

 **crikey:** 7

 **corn mom:** 5

 **patdaddy:** 4

 **st jimmy:** wrong wrong and wrong   
the answer is 11

 **leg:** but you said scale of 1-10

 **st jimmy:** i know what i said

 **leg:** then why did u say 11  
11 isnt between 1 and 10

 **st jimmy:** shut up  
anyway  
listen  
because my house is completely empty and away from the normal people we can hang out there and do whatever the fuck we want

 **troy:** IM DOWN  
FRANK???

 **franko:** YEAH DUH

 **christmas tree:** yeah if u guys didnt know tre and frank are suddenly best friends they have been inseparable the past 3 days

 **franko:** tre got me a new lightsaber for christmas  
considering tyler brOKE MY OTHER ONE

 **taylor:** simple: dont leave ur shit at my house

 

 

 **\- christmas** changed their name to  **pepe wentz**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** its not christmas anymore so i had to change  
continue

 **st jimmy:** WHO ELSE IS GETTING LIT AS FUCK ON NEW YEARS????

 **santa claus:** UH ME FOR SURE 

 **fuckdaddy:** sure why not

 **leg:** well that means i have to go too so yeah

 **pepe wentz:** im always down to turn up

 **st jimmy:** idk why im asking whos in   
its new years and we are a squad  
no one gets to sit out for this

 **patdaddy:** uh ok i have a confession and ur all gonna laugh at me

 **pepe wentz:** i wont let tjem 

 **patdaddy:** thanks pete  
anyway... so ive never actually been properly drunk before haha wild right

 **josh the living meme:** wait what???

 **patdaddy:** ive been like... buzzed.... but not DRUNK  
also the only party i ever went to was that one where mikey and pete were fighting and i slapped mike

 **moike:** i dont even remember that

 **corn mom:** that night was... not good

 **leg:** it was a gr8 night what are u talking about

 **santa claus:** dal u almost died

 **leg:** i know  
it would have been more fun if i actually died but i cant have everything i guess

 **fuckdaddy:** every day i grow more concerned for ur mental health

 **pepe wentz:** i keep telling patrick he needs to get fucked up but he wont  
he thinks he'll get in trouble

 **st jimmy:** patrick  
what do ya say  
new years  
my house  
no adults

 **patdaddy:** sounds terrifying   
but im in i guess?

 **franko:** YEAHH

 **troy:** YESSSSS PATRICK!!!!!

 **patdaddy:** am i gonna regret this?

 **crikey:** to be honest, yeah  
probably

 **corn mom:** im staying sober to make sure no one dies

 **christmas tree:** thanks ray ily 

 **corn mom** : ily too gerard

 **santa claus:** gray is gonna be the ship of 2018

 **corn mom:** no  
i like someone else

 **fuckdaddy:** WHO

 **taylor:** WHAT

 **franko:** WHAT???????????

 **leg:** IS IT A BOY? IS IT A GIRLR? ARE THEY NEITHER?

 **josh the living meme:** DO THEY LIKE U BACk

 **moike:** SPILL EVERYTHING RAYMOND

 **corn mom:** im not telling u guys anything unless it somehow works out (which im pretty sure it wont)

 **crikey:** do we know them?

 **corn mom:** yes

 **patdaddy:** are they in this chat?

 **corn mom:** no  
im not stupid enough to talk about someone i like if theyre in the chat

 **troy:** goddamn i was so sure it was mikey

 **crikey:** me and ray arent getting together tre oh my god get over it

 **troy** : u broke my heart mikey :(  
my poor little rikey heart

 

 

 **\- santa claus** changed their name to  **beebo**

 

 

 **beebo:** rip christmas :(

 **christmas tree:** does that mean i have to change mine too? fuck

 

 

 **\- christmas tree** changed their name to  **gayrard**

 

 

 **crikey:** hey u ripped us to shit for calling u gayrard

 **gayrard:** i know but it was iconic 

 **leg:** are u guys allowed to socialize now  
because im still stuck in my house with my stupid family and their stupid homophobic comments

 **beebo:** i was gonna sneak out but my dad said if i pull anymore shit i'll regret it so yeah..

 **moike:** rip   
everyone is invited to fight dallon and brendons families

 **st jimmy:** im down to fight anyone right now tbh

 **gayrard:** any reason why ur so hostile suddenly?

 **st jimmy:** not really  
just feeling that teenage anger   
u feel??

 **taylor:** not at all but ok

 **st jimmy:** im going outside to hit stuff with a baseball bat

 **fuckdaddy:** have fun dont get arrested

 **pepe wentz:** guys i just got attackd by a dog what the hell  
it jumped at me and i fell over

 **corn mom:** a mood

 **moike:** is ur mood jumping at pete or falling ovrer?

 **corn mom:** both

 **troy:** Relatable™

 **pepe wentz:** please dont jump at me

 **beebo:** noW U KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE WHEN U JUMPED AT ME THAT ONE TIME

 **pepe wentz:** I DIDNT EVEN JUMP AT YOU BRENDON STOP OVERREACTING 

 **beebo:** overreacting is my middle name

 **leg:** no its not   
its boyd

 **beebo:**  BETRAYAL  
UR OUT OF THE THREESOME

 **fuckdaddy:** healthy polyamory*

 **troy:** BOYD I CANT BREATHE

 **beebo:**  shut up frank edwin wright the third

 **franko:** ME AND TRE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER WE'RE BOTH CALED FRANK

 **troy:** brendon how the hell do u even know my full name  
not even billie or mike know that

 **moike:** FRANK  
EDWIN  
WRIGHT  
THE  
THIRD

 **st jimmy:** I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION BUT IM VERY HAPPY TO HAVE IT

 **taylor:** frank x2

 **patdaddy:** wait so tre do ur parents call u frank or tre

 **troy:** they usually yell "u little shit" 

 **patdaddy:** ah

 **josh the living meme:** yall are talking about frank and tre being made for each other  
but what about tre and ryan?   
frank edwin wright the third and george ryan ross the third

 **fuckdaddy:** STOP EXPOSING PEIPLES NAMES 

 **pepe wentz:** i agree

 **beebo:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **crikey:** every time brendon sends the lenny face hes about to expose something

 **beebo:** peter lewis kingston wentz the third

 **pepe wentz:** ssSHGSSS  
NO

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** removed  **beebo** from  **fuckeroo**

 

 

 **moike:** MY BREATHING ISNT WORKING  
IM DYING  
IM DEAD

 **pepe wentz:** SHUt Up miKe

 **taylor:** pete ryan and tre can start a fancy third club

 

 

 **\- franko** renamed the group  **the fancy third club: ryan pete & tre**

 

 

 **troy:** i call club president 

 **fuckdaddy:** no i call club president

 **troy:** u were too slow

 **fuckdaddy:** im older than u

 **pepe:** im older than both of u so that makes me club president 

 **st jimmy:** everyone vote  
who votes for tre to be club president 

 **moike:** me

 **franko:** me

 **troy:** is that it? disappointing 

 **st jimmy:** ok now who votes for ryan to be club president   
ME

 **leg:** me <3

 **gayrard:** me

 **josh the living meme:** me 

 **st jimmy:** anwd finallY  
who votes for pete to be club president?

 **patdaddy:** me obviously  
even though pete shouldnt be trusted to be the president of anything

 **crikey:** me

 **corn mom:** me 2

 **taylor:** me 3

 **st jimmy:** damn   
ryan and pete both have 4 votes  
joint presidency it is

 **moike:** i saw the word joint and now i wanna get stoned

 **franko:** count me in

 **leg:**  hang on u guys brendon didnt vote

 **fuckdaddy:** not to brag but im obviously gonna win  
brendon loves me

 

 

 **\- leg** added  **beebo** to  **the fancy third club: ryan pete & tre**

 

 

 **st jimmy:** dont ask questions just vote  
should ryan or pete be the president of the fancy third club?

 **troy:** what about me  
he can vote for me too

 **josh the living meme:** shut up tre i need to know whos gonna be president

 **taylor:** its obviously gonna be ryan

 **beebo:**  i vote pete for president 

 **pepe:** YES BITCHES IM CLUB PRESIDENT  
FUCK YOU TRE FUCK YOU RYAN YOU CAN BOTH SUCK MY DICK

 **fuckdaddy:** WHAT TEH FUCK BRENDON  
ur out of the threesome  
yeS I CALLED IT A THREESOME  
brendon rustled my jimmies  
he rustled them hard


	119. i cordially invite you to walk into the fucking sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so Dallon left Panic! ... that happened

**pepe wentz:** as president of the fancy third club i call a meeting

 **fuckdaddy:** as RIGHTFUL president of the fancy third club i say fuck off

 **troy:** as vice president of the fancy third club i tell ryan to get his head out of his ass

 **fuckdaddy:** as RIGHTFUL president of the fancy third club i tell tre to suck my dick

 **beebo:** as the RIGHTFUL president of the fancy third clubs boyfriend i tell tre not to suck ryans dick

 **fuckdaddy:** as RIGHTFUL president of the fancy third club i tell my boyfriend to eat cement because its his fault i am not the actual president

 **pepe wentz:** as president of the fancy third i tell all of you to stop

 **troy:** as vice president of the fancy third club i disagree

 **franko:** "eat cement" ryan what

 **beebo:** hes a salty hoe because i didnt vote for him   
like.. chill  
its not even a real thing

 **pepe wentz:** CLUB MEETING  
i vote we kick brendon out of the chat for disrespecting the sacred honor of the fancy third club

 **troy:** i strongly agree

 **fuckdaddy:** i strongly disagree  
only because i refuse to agree with pete who usurped my rightful position 

 

 **st jimmy:** slurp  
oh wait that says usurp   
nvm

 **gayrard:** succc

 **st jimmy:** slurpppppppppp

 **gayrard:** succccccccccccccccccccccccccc

 **crikey:** and back to sleep i go

 **franko:** did u only jist wake up

 **crikey:** depression nap lol

 **franko:** yikes

 **beebo:** dallons depression nap has lasted almost 24 hours now

 **corn mom:** that is... not good

 **taylor:** are u sure he's asleep  
he hasnt accidentally died has he?

 **beebo:** no  
i kick him every hour or so and each time he goes "i swear to fuCK brendon"

 **moike:** an example of a good boyfriend right there  
he kicks him to make sure he isnt dead

 **st jimmy:** @ me next time u hoe

 **moike:**???

 **st jimmy:** i thought u were vagueing   
nvm

 **josh the living meme:** billie are u ok today u seem a little frazzled 

 **st jimmy:** just smoking some dank memeage

 **beebo:** thats rude u didnt even invite me

 **st jimmy:** ur invited to smoke dank memeage with me

 **beebo:** sickkkkk  
i'll be right there

 **corn mom:** who will kick dallon to make sure he isnt dead

 **fuckdaddy:** me

 **pepe wentz:** no  
we have a club meeting

 **fuckdaddy:** fuck your club i want out

 **troy:** *betrayed gasp*

 **pepe wentz:** *shocked gasp*

 **franko:** *gay gasp*

 **pepe wentz:** as president of the fancy whatever the heck i cant be bothered to type it out anymore  
ryan what the fuck did u just say

 **fuckdaddy:** i said  
fuck your club

 **moike:** FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS

 **taylor:** fuhk ya chicken stripz

 **fuckdaddy:** i quit the fancy third club

 **pepe wentz:** begone THOT

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** removed  **fuckdaddy** from  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **beebo:** pete did u just call my boyfriend a thot

 **pepe wentz:** yes i did

 **beebo:** lmao   
but hes gonna be mad so i should add him back

 

 

 **\- beebo** added  **fuckdaddy** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **beebo:** ryan go make sure dallon isnt dead im going to smoke some dAnK mEmEaGe with my boi billie

 **josh the living meme:** is it me or do billie and brendon spend almost all of their time together now

 **moike:** they do

 **st jimmy:** me and brendon understand each other on a spiritual level

 **gayrard:** no ur just both very good at getting high and ignoring ur problems

 **beebo:** TRUE

 **fuckdaddy:** im just gonna wake dal up so i can go do Things

 **beebo:** do not

 **fuckdaddy:** im gonna do it

 **beebo:** hoe dont do it

 **fuckdaddy:** i have been called a thot and a hoe now  
wow  
looks like my time here is done

 **franko:** kind of expected u to leave there

 **fuckdaddy:** i was going to but i dropped my phone  
i will leave now

 

 

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **st jimmy:** rip ryan

 **leg:** i feel like death   
hi

 **taylor:** heyo  
u r invited to our treehouse 

 **leg:** thank

 **troy:** how come he gets invited but the rest of us dont

 **josh the living meme:** because u all break shit

 **troy:** ok thats actually true

 **beebo:** I TOLD RYAN NOT TO WAKE U UP

 

 

 **\- beebo** added  **fuckdaddy** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **beebo:** RYAN I SAID NO

 **fuckdaddy:** HE HAS BEEN ASLEEP FOR 22 HOURS

 **leg:** whoa what the fuck  
it felt like half an hour

 **crikey:** im going back to sleep goodbye

 **leg:** same

 **beebo:** NO

 **fuckdaddy:** NO

 **st jimmy:** BRNDON HURRY UP  
THE DANK MEMEAGE IS RUNNING LOW

 **moike:** whomst the fuck just threw a rock at my window  
gr8 job ya dingus u broke the glass

 **troy:** it was me sorry

 **gayrard:** "ya dingus" ok mike

 **corn mom:** "whomst the fuck" same

 **pepe wentz:** as president of the fancy third club i tell ryan to get his ass back in the club

 **fuckdaddy:** i cordially invite you to walk into the fucking sea

 **leg:** i cordially invite myself to walk off a fucking cliff

 **beebo:** no omg  
billie i cannot smoke the dank memeage i am having a crisis

 **st jimmy:** i will save u some <3

 **beebo:** <3

 **moike:** uh whoa lets tone it down a little

 **patdaddy:** billie/brendon 2k18

 **franko:** ALL HAIL BILLDON

 **taylor:** BILLDON!!!!


	120. The Fish Wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if I make billdon a real thing lmao (not yet like in the future).... discuss

**taylor:** gentlemen  
say hello to my Scaly Boy™

_**taylor sent a photo to the fancy third club** _

**crikey:** FISH  
aw

 **taylor:** his name is josh

 **pepe wentz:** named after josh?

 **taylor:** no. named after tre  
of course after josh tf do u think

 **josh the living meme:** WHAT  
I GOT SOME FISH TOO  
I NAMED ONE OF THEM TYLER

 **taylor:** AW <3

 **josh the living meme:** i wanted to get enough to name one after all of us but my parents said i was only allowed 5  
and thus begins The Fish Wars

 **patdaddy:** i already want no part of this

 **josh the living meme:** ok fine suit yourself  
looks like i wont have a fish called patrick

 **st jimmy:** whats going on

 **josh the living meme:** i have some things for u guys to do  
4 tasks  
whoever completes the tasks fastest gets a fish named after them

 **troy:** heck im down

 **franko:** tre ur down for literally everything

 **troy:** true tho  
one of u guys could say "hey im gonna go throw a stick of butter at a tree" and id still be like "im down"

 **josh the living meme:** so i take it everyone apart from patrick and tyler are playing?

 **gayrard:** yes

 **patdaddy:** i'll be the judge

 **taylor:** i'm already the judge

 **patdaddy:** fine ill carry on watching desperate housewives instead

 **pepe wentz:** u do u patty <3

 **josh the living meme:** so  
the first mission is easy: buy me a box of lucky charms because i have none left  
the first person to bring me the lucky charms AND pour them in the bowl with the milk will have a fish named after them

 **st jimmy:** WHAT THE HELL   
MIKE JUST THREW HIS ENTIRE XBOX AT ME TO SLOW ME DOWN

 **moike:** IT DIDNT EVEN STOP HIM WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST CLIMBED OUT OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW  
lmao my mom just said "billie jumped out of your window again" she doenst even care anymore

 **leg:** not to brag but im pretty sure i can outrun all of u  
as u say: im 90% leg

 **franko:** try me bitch

 **corn mom:** frank is terrifyingly fast 

 **franko:** im already at the store

 **beebo:** HOW

 **corn mom:** like i said.. terrifyingly fast

 **fuckdaddy:** i cant believe im actually running for this

 **gayrard:** I FORGOT HOW COMPETITIVE MIKEY GETS HE JUST SHOVED ME INTO A HEDGE

 **franko:** whAT THE HELL THIS STORE DOENST EVEN SELL LUCKY CHARMS 

 **leg:** get rekt binch

 **moike:** YALL I GOT SOME LUCKY CHARMS

 **pepe wentz:** SO DO I 

 **st jimmy:** i literally just made it to the store what the hell

 **beebo:** i didnt even get close 

 **patdaddy:** i kind of regret sitting out now

 **fuckdaddy:** I JUST TRIPPED AND CUT MY LEG

 **patdaddy:** i no longer regret sitting out  
have fun being hurt :)

 **josh the living meme:** mike and pete are fighting in my kitchen   
was this a bad idea?  
there is milk  _everywhere_

 **st jimmy:** KICK HIS ASS MIKE

 **moike:** I DID

 **pepe wentz:** thats not fair ur taller than me

 **josh the living meme:** mike gets a fish named after him  
anyone else who bought lucky charms can leave them in my kitchen 

 **gayrard:** uhh no im keeping them

 **josh the living meme:** fine  
gerard is disqualified 

 **gayrard:** whAT 

 **crikey:** haha fucker

 **gayrard:** fine i dont wanna play this stupid game anyway

 

 

 **\- gayrard** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **franko:** rip

 **josh the living meme:** mission 2: go to tylers house and get my hoodie from his room

 **taylor:** do NOT trash my room   
i will murder u

 **pepe wentz:** I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TYLER LIVES

 **leg:** are u KIDDING me   
tyler lives so far away

 **beebo:** haha fuckers i have a car  
wait no nvm my dad took the wheels off of it so i cant drive it :/

 **crikey:** i asked my mom to drive me but she said no  
what kind of homophobia 

 **corn mom:** i would be happy if i didnt leave my house to run to the fucking store because my house is like 5 minutes away from tylers house  
but now im like 20 minutes away  
kms

 **franko:** well if u guys are just gonna bitch ur gonna lose  
im already here *dab*

 **josh the living meme:** frank.. what the hell  
this is MY house  
i said go to tylers house

 **franko:** i thought this is tylers house?????

 **taylor:** no

 **franko:** well ur always here so i just assumed  
ha fuck

 **fuckdaddy:** I HAVE THE HOODIE

 **troy:** NO   
FUCK OFF RYAN  
I WAS SO CLOSE

 **st jimmy:** TRE STEAL IT FROM HIM

 **troy:** I CANT HES TOO FAST

 **leg:** i give up on this round  
too much movement  
do not like

 **pepe wentz:** where the hell does tyler even live  
this isnt fair wtf

 **moike:** u wouldnt have this problem if u knew how to fight

 **pepe wentz:** YOU PICKED ME UP   
HOW IS THAT FAIR

 **patdaddy:** pete how about u chill

 **pepe wentz:** SHUT UP I AM CHILL I JUST WANT A GODDAMN FISH NAMED AFTER ME OK

 **josh the living meme:** still waiting for my hoodie 

 **beebo:** i though ryan had it?

 **fuckdaddy:** nope i had one of tylers hoodies instead  
but u cant blame me  
tylers bedroom floor is covered in clothes how am i supposed to know what belongs to josh

 **troy:** josh is ur hoodie the one that says josh on it

 **josh the living meme:** no thats tylers 

 **troy:** WAIT SO DOES THAT MEAN URS IS THE ONE THAT SAYS TYLER ON IT

 **josh the living meme:** yes

 **troy:** FUCK YES  
THERES GONNA BE A FISH CALLED TRE

 **st jimmy:** tre my dude  
i would like to apologize for what im about to do

 **leg:** sounds shady

 **troy:** HE PULLED UP IN A CAR AND STOLE IT FROM ME  
friendship terminated 

 **corn mom:** where the hell did he get a car from

 **st jimmy:** its mikes moms car

 **moike:** what the hecky hoo?

 **josh the living meme:** second fish is called billie

 **troy:** fuck billie  
im gonna kill that fish

 **crikey:** trE NO

 **josh the living meme:** tre is hereby disqualified from The Fish Wars for being salty

 **troy:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 

 **\- troy** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** i lost my vice president

 **fuckdaddy:** does that mean i get to be vice president now

 **pepe wentz:** no

 **fuckdaddy:** i hate you

 **patdaddy:** yall are so childish wth

 **josh the living meme:** ok so mission number 3: go to mcdonalds and get me some chicken nuggets and deliver them to me

 **taylor:** get me some too

 **josh the living meme:** no tyler

 **taylor:** :(

 **patdaddy:** im just here wondering if anyone has realized whats going on yet

 **pepe wentz:** what do u mean?

 **patdaddy:** nvm

 **corn mom:** FINALLY SOMETHING GOES RIGHT  
im already at mcdonalds lmao i was getting a mcflurry because i planned to quit this dumb game

 **crikey:** i wont hesitate to punch u in the throat 

 **corn mom:** #yikes   
mikey why are u so violent

 **crikey:** i want a fish named after me

 **josh the living meme:** the clock is ticking gentlemen  
if the nuggets are cold they dont count

 **pepe wentz:** IVE NEVER RAN THIS FAST IN ALL MY LIFE I THINK IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK

 **patdaddy:** u guys are so dumb holy shit

 **leg:**  shut up patrick 

 **fuckdaddy:** yeah shut up patrick

 **josh the living meme:** brendon is also disqualified for DMing me and trying to bribe me

 **beebo:** WHAT THE HELL JOSH  
fuck off

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **taylor:** i cant believe how seriously everyones taking this

 **corn mom:** josh open ur door i have ur nuggies

 **josh the living meme:** YEET  
NUGGIES  
ray gets a fish

 **pepe wentz:** R%ET YD ieu3y

 **patdaddy:** what

 **pepe wentz:** I WAS LIKE 2 STEPS AWAY FROM HIS HOUSE WITH NUGGIES

 **st jimmy:** when did nuggets get changed to nuggies did i miss something

 **moike:** i want some nuggies now

 **st jimmy:** me 2  
lets go

 **pepe wentz:** THE LAST FISH IS MINE OK IVE BEEN TRYING SO HARD

 **patdaddy:** smh..

 **pepe wentz:** oh my god patrick what

 **patdaddy:** im waiting for u to figure it out

 **josh the living meme:** the final mission is a tough one  
u have to finish my english assignment for me

 **pepe wentz:** WHAT THE HELL  
NO  
IM NOT DOING IT

 **fuckdaddy:** me neither

 **crikey:** fuck that

 **josh the living meme:** guys come on!!!!! i did most of it  
theres only a few sentences left  
and if u do it u get the biggest fish named after u 

 **franko:** goD DAMMIT I HATE HOW I ACTUALLY /WANT/ TO DO IT  
IM GONNA DO IT

 **fuckdaddy:** have fun being a nerd

 **franko:** shut up ryan  
u dont get a fish AND ur not the president of the fancy third club  
ur not even the vice president

 **fuckdaddy:** woW FRANK  
that is LOW

 

 

 **\- fuckdaddy** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** so i take it ryans not playing either

 **leg:** count me out im not doing it  
frank go ahead

 **franko:** oh i will  
say hello to frank the fish

 **patdaddy:** coME ON  
are you guys really this slow?

 **pepe wentz:** patrick stop being vague its scary

 **franko:** u guys are dumb theres literally like 2 sentences left to finish  
im almost done.. gonna get a fish

 **leg:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **corn mom:** oh god hes spent too much time with brendon

 **franko:**  OK I AM STRAIGHT UP GOING TO MURDER DALLON

 **crikey:** wait what

 **josh the living meme:** im kind of in shock right now  
wow

 **taylor:** i wasnt expecting that to happen 

 **pepe wentz:** drama  
tell me

 **leg:** not drama  
just me being smart

 **franko:** correction: YOU BEING A CHEATING ASSHAT

 **josh the living meme:** frank was writing my assignment and he was almost finished but then dallon frickin appeared out of nowhere and stole it from him to write the last couple words  
so technically dallon wins

 **franko:** NO  
WHAT THE HELL  
I DID ALL TEH FUCKING WORK  
FUCK YOU ALL IM OUT

 

 

 **\- franko** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **leg:** rip frank the fish  
hello dallon the fish

 **moike:** billie we missed out on some quality drama

 **st jimmy:** rip

 **patdaddy:** IM GOING INSANE WAITING FOR YOU ALL TO WAKE THE FUCK UP  
DO U NOT REALIZE WHATS HAPPENING HERE?

 **crikey:** no??

 **corn mom:** im so lost   
halp

 **patdaddy:** JOSH TURNED U ALL INTO HIS BITCHES  
AND THERE ISNT EVEN ANY FISH  
YALL GOT PLAYED

 **leg:** wait what

 **corn mom:** i.. im gonna cry  
josh is this true?

 **crikey:** u mean i left my room for no damn reason?

 **moike:** joshua.. explain

 **josh the living meme:** ok fiNE  
there are no fish  
i lied

 **pepe wentz:** they ask u how u are and u just have to say that ur fine when ur not rlly fine but u just cant get into it bc they would never understand

 **josh the living meme:** but hey at least my english assignment is done and i have more lucky charms and nuggies and i got my hoodie back  
thats what really matters here right?

 **taylor:** but what about the fish called tyler? that ones real isnt it

 **josh the living meme:** no  
tyler isnt real

 

 

 **\- taylor** removed  **josh the living meme** from  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **taylor:** he is DEAD to me


	121. mikes a dick egg

**moike:** tyler/frank 2018  
is saw them holding hands at new year

 **taylor:** i was trying to stop him from falling on a bunch of rusty nails  
@billie why is ur house such a health hazard

 **st jimmy:** IDK

 **taylor:** seriously its like every redneck horror movie house ever  
its terrifying 

 **leg:** half of the chat are still missing btw  
no ones added them back yet

 **st jimmy:** dallon listen  
i have been hungover for 3 days   
adding the others back is the least of my problems right now

 **crikey:** thats what u get for letting brendon talk u into drinking absinthe with him

 **st jimmy:** brendons my best friend  
id do anything for him

 **moike:** hm whats that  
it sounds like.... betrayal

 **st jimmy:** shut up eggplant 

 **crikey:** eggplant?

 **st jimmy:** yes

 **taylor:** but why is he an eggplant

 **st jimmy:** if eggplant is bothering you so much ill change it to dick egg  
mikes a dick egg

 **moike:** thanks billie

 **corn mom:** what i want to know is where did brendon even get absinthe from

 **leg:** he turned up with it   
i figured it would be better to not ask questions 

 **pepe wentz:** confession: brendon scares me sometimes

 **patdaddy:** ryan gave me moonshine and honestly i want to kill him

 **st jimmy:** oh shit yeah this was patricks first time  
how was it?  
were we too rough

 **patdaddy:** i woke up in a weird body pile with tyler josh and pete and i couldnt function for an entire day  
but honestly 10/10 would do it again

 **moike:** yeAHHH

 

 

 **\- taylor** added  **josh the living meme** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **taylor:** welcome back

 **josh the living meme:** ok i know damn well yall are still mad about the fish incident so i went out and bought 13 goddamn fish and i named one after each of you because i actually felt kind of bad about making you all do shit for me so be thankful bitches

 **corn mom:** id actually forgot about that but thanks josh

 **leg:** hey patrick i'll add ryan back so u can yell at him about the moonshine

 

 

 **\- leg** added  **fuckdaddy** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **patdaddy:** yo ryAN WHAT THE FUCK

 **fuckdaddy:**?!?!?!

 **patdaddy:** why did u give me moonshine as my first drink (other than gross shitty beer ofc)

 **fuckdaddy:** i found it in billies basement 

 **st jimmy:** i didnt even know i had a basement

 **moike:**... how

 **crikey:** gerards mad at me for still not adding him back should i do it or nah?

 **pepe wentz:** add frank back and then laugh as he suffers

 **crikey:** good call pete

 

 

 **\- crikey** added  **franko** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **crikey:** ok all that did was make him start yelling and now our mom is telling him to stop being a diva

 **franko:** mikey pls dont stress him out hes loud and his mouth is right next to my ear

 

 

 **\- franko** added  **gayrard** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **gayrard:** hello everyone except mikey

 **crikey:** eat my asshole

 **gayrard:** no  
petes been up there

 **pepe wentz:** svsdagvhads

 **patdaddy:** lets not

 **crikey:** why do u assume im a bottom what the hell

 **gayrard:** becayse its plainly obvious that you are

 **franko:** true

 **leg:** true

 **corn mom:** true

 **st jimmy:** true

 **josh the living meme:** true

 **crikey:** for ur information   
pete usually was the bottom

 **pepe wentz:** M I K EY

 **patdaddy:** oh my lord

 **leg:** im living for some quality petekey/peterick drama

 **gayrard:** this was funny at first but now i know way too much about my brothers sex life  
can we change the subject

 **st jimmy:** yes  
im adding brendon back to see if he still feels as dead as i do

 

 

 **\- st jimmy** added  **beebo** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **st jimmy:** brendon my boy  
are u dead  
bren?  
forehead??  
hey breadman  
ok fine i get it i take it we're not best friends anymore 

 **leg:** weird.. he usually replies to the chat in 0.2 seconds   
hes probably with ryan *wink wonk*

 **patdaddy:** ur okay with him and ryan doing stuff without you?

 **leg:** yeah   
maybe  
kind of  
idk

 **fuckdaddy:** i get why u think hes with me but he isnt

 **josh the living meme:** s p o o k y

 **moike:** ive been sitting here wondering why this chat is so quiet and boring today  
and then i reaized  
NO ONE ADDED TRE BACK

 **pepe wentz:** u think we're boring?

 **moike:** no  
but tre just adds that extra ... zazz

 **franko:** zazz

 **gayrard:** zazz

 **patdaddy:** zazz

 **st jimmy:** zazz

 **josh the living meme:** zazz

 **crikey:** zazz

 **leg:** zazz

 **pepe wentz:** zazz

 **taylor:** zazz

 **fuckdaddy:** zazz

 **corn mom:** zazz

 **moike:** i said what i said

 

 

 **\- moike** added  **troy** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **troy:** FINALLY

 **st jimmy:** tre u send that message after less than 2 seconds of being back  
how do u do these things

 **troy:** m a g i c

 **leg:** tre im glad ur back and all but seriously  
wheres brendon

 **troy:** why are u asking me? if ur assuming hes locked in my garage again he isnt

 **patdaddy:** "again"

 **fuckdaddy:** brendons a smart kid we should have faith in him

 **corn mom:** "brendons a smart kid" uhhhh ryan how stoned are u

 **fuckdaddy:** only a little

 **crikey:** remember that time he thought wisconsin was in illinois 

 **josh the living meme:** remember when he asked me if skeletons are real?  
i told him theyre not

 **patdaddy:** and that time he called a napkin a "dinner blanket" 

 **corn mom:** how is he still alive

 **leg:** hes had me to guide him through life

 **corn mom:** ur not any better 

 **leg:** hatch

 **troy:** what

 **taylor:** hatch  
same

 **leg:** harsh*

 **pepe wentz:** that makes more sense

 **beebo:** hi sorry my mom dragged me to the doctor

 **fuckdaddy:** do u have an std  
if u do its dallons fault

 **leg:** no its not its ryans fault

 **beebo:** i do not have an std  
but i do have adhd

 **josh the living meme:** wait what

 **troy:** i thought adhd /was/ an std  
my mind has been blown

 **st jimmy:** wow thanks tre  
u said the word "blown" and now i cant stop thinking about blowjobs 

 **gayrard:** brendon having adhd actually explains a lot

 **beebo:** apparently i have to take meds  
which is gross and i hate them and i hate everything  
im gonna flush them as soon as i get home

 **corn mom:** u should probably not do that

 **beebo:** idc im gonna do it anyway

 **st jimmy:** anyway how do u feel? did the absinthe fuck u up as bad as me?

 **beebo:** no?? im fine

 **st jimmy:** HOW ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN

 **gayrard:** he isnt human  
hes actual satan

 **beebo:** now thats what i call rude

 


	122. nipple spinner

**josh the living meme:** our teachers split me and tyler up in all of our classes

 **taylor:** apparently we make the heteros uncomfortable 

 **patdaddy:** HOW???  
im in class with billie and mike and billies hand is almost in mikes pants

 **st jimmy:** that is an untrue accusation

 **gayrard:** i can see it from here

 **beebo:** so can i

_**patdaddy** **sent a photo to the fancy third club** _

**corn mom:** that is definitely nsfw 

 **moike:** oh my goD PATRICK DONT TAKE PHOTOS ITS WEIRD

 **patdaddy:** BILLIE IS ALMOST GIVING YOU A HANDJOB YET IM THE ONE BEING "WEIRD"???

 **fuckdaddy:** how are u all being so sexual already im pretty much still asleep

 **leg:** ur just mad ur not in mine and brens class

 **fuckdaddy:** actually no  im very happy im not with brendon he is a major distraction 

 **leg:** hes strangely calm today  
i talked him into taking his medication 

 **beebo:** i fucking hate you for making me do that btw

 **gayrard:** oh damn someones grumpy

 **leg:** he read the message sighed and locked his phone  
im shook

 **pepe wentz:** this is weird asf

 **st jimmy:** guys calm down i can fix this  
yo brendon lets skip class and get high

 **beebo:** no

 **st jimmy:**?!?!?!?!

 **fuckdaddy:** oh shit

 **corn mom:** wh a  t

 **troy:** oh whoa i didnt know u could call the entire group

 **taylor:** dont

 **patdaddy:** dont

 **crikey:** dont

 **moike:** dont

 

**troy started a group call**

 

 **josh the living meme:** TRE WHAT THE HELL MY PHONE JUST STARTED RINGING REALLY LOUD AND I GOT KICKED OUT OF CLASS  
ITS THE FIRST DAY BACK I DONT NEED THIS SHIT

 

**st jimmy joined the group call**

 

 **moike:** billie no

 **crikey:** billie our entire class just heard you call tre a cum dumpster 

 **leg:** oh my god  
i need to hear this

 

**leg joined the group call**

 

 **patdaddy:** why are you all literally children

 **pepe wentz:** i havent joined it  
are u proud of me?

 **patdaddy:** very <3

 **pepe wentz:** aW <3  
sorry but ya know i gotta do this

 

**pepe wentz** **joined the group call**

 

 **franko:** our class is shocked into silence  
all i can hear is billie and tre arguing and dallon laughing  
and now pete is reciting the bee movie script

 

**troy ended the group call**

 

 **corn mom:** finally  
please dont ever do that again

 **taylor:** that was a trip

 **josh the living meme:** does anyone feel like coming to the vending machine   
my arm is stuck

 **franko:** my dick got stuck in a vending machine once

 **patdaddy:** im leaving this chat

 

 

 **\- patdaddy** left  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** added  **patdaddy** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** no

 **st jimmy:** its so cold my nipples are hard enough to spin a fidget spinner on them

 **franko:** I JUST CHOKED

 **crikey:** biLLEI WHAT THE HELL

 **josh the living meme:** prove it

 **taylor:** josh.. no

 **st jimmy:** sure ill prove it  
i need to borrow someones fidget spinner i lost mine in a tragic accident

 **gayrard:**  u mean u threw it at brendon and his continent of a forehead broke it

 **st jimmy:** yes  
a tragic accident

 **corn mom:** how did his forehead break a fidget spinner though

 **pepe wentz:** i would let u borrow mine that patrick got me but i trust u even less than i trust brendon so nope

 **patdaddy:** honestly im surprised u still have that 

 **pepe wentz:** wow you have ZERO faith in me

 **leg:** brendon has 26 in his bag but hes being weird and he wont talk

 **fuckdaddy:** did u tell him billies about to spin it on his nipple? i feel like he would be into that

 **leg:** i did not because thats not something i should shout across the room

 **gayrard:** ill yell it acorss the room if u want

 **corn mom:** oh my god pllease dont

 **gayrard:** the deed hath been done

 **beebo:** why is billie gonna spin a fidget spinner on his nipples

 **st jimmy:** they hard

 **beebo:** oh ok

 **leg:** whY DOESNT HE CARE????

 **patdaddy:** im highly uncomfortable 

 **troy:** i have a fidget spinner for billie  
but it has minions on it

 **st jimmy:** gross dont put it anywhere near me or i will literally burn it and then piss on it

 **troy:** message received 

 **patdaddy:** pete just let him use yours

 **pepe wentz:** NUH  
HE'LL BREAK IT  
OR LOSE IT

 **st jimmy:** how about u stand next to me to supervise

 **pepe wentz:** ok

 **moike:** IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS  
wait we're in class how do we do this

 **st jimmy:** im sure miss jackson will LOVE to see my erect nipples 

 **corn mom:** please stop talking about ur nipples

 **crikey:** wait u have miss jackson? the hot teacher??

 **josh the living meme:** I FORGOT ABOUT HER

 **franko:** mikeys gonna bone miss jackson

 **pepe wentz:** ;)

 **crikey:** i am NOT

 **moike:** BILLIE JUST ASKED MISS JACKSON IF ITS OK FOR HIM TO SPIN A FIDGET SPINNER ON HIS NIPPLE  
HE ALSO ASKED IF I CAN RECORD IT TO SEND IT TO THE CHAT

 **corn mom:** im done

 **moike:** SHE FUCKING SAID YES  
swjbhgceifuyis1yb

 **st jimmy:** YEET  
pete.. fidget me

 **leg:** this is so inrigueing 

 **crikey:** MISS JACKSON MARRY ME

 

 

 **\- gayrard** removed  **crikey** from  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **gayrard:** he can come back when he learns to keep it in his pants

 **taylor:** heterophobia 

_**moike sent a video to the fancy third club** _

**moike:** there ya go  
nipple spinner

 **fuckdaddy:** honestly. thats kind of hot

 **st jimmy:** ;)

 **moike:** no

 **pepe wentz:** my fidget spinner has touched billies nipple  
whoa

 **troy:** i just burst into tears at that video  
its so artistic 

 **pepe wentz:** mikeys aggresively spamming me so

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** added  **crikey** to  **the fancy third club**

 

 

 **josh the living meme:** so i get kicked out of class for my phone ringing but billie gets away with taking his shirt off laying down on the floor and spinning a fidget spinner on his hard nipple  
ok

 **crikey:** miss jackson is a god send <3

 **gayrard:** shut up ya damn heterosexual 

 


	123. Ryan²

**pepe wentz:** ryans in a fight with someone  
@dallon @brendon go sort it

 **leg:** BUGDYnNIT DELAIG WITJ Ut  
sorry for bad spelling i typed that so fast

 **beebo:** bugsy not dealing with it  
NO FUCK OFF DALLON

 **leg:** byeee have fun

 **taylor:** wait whos he fighting with

 **pepe wentz:** ryan

 **josh the living meme:** i think what tyler meant was.. who is RYAN fighting with

 **pepe wentz:** i know what he meant  
hes fighting with ryan

 **gayrard:** no pete i dont think u understand the question

 **pepe wentz:** yes i do????  
he. is. fighting. with. ryan

 **moike:** peter listen to me very carefully  
WHO  
IS  
RYAN  
FIGHTING  
WITH

 **pepe wentz:** ARE U ALL ILLITERATE?  
R Y A N 

 **st jimmy:** im so confused  
whats going on

 **corn mom:** are u ok rn billie

 **st jimmy:** yes? why

 **corn mom:** because i can see u headbutting the wall

 **st jimmy:** im fine  
just doing my usual wall headbutting 

 **moike:** u only headbutt walls when ur either hungover or extrememly stressed about something  
and i know ur not hungover

 **st jimmy:** michael im fine shut up  
i wanna know who ryans fighting

 **pepe wentz:** OH MY GOD IVE SAID A MILLION TIMES  
HES FIGHTING WITH RYAN

 **franko:** im lost  
is he fighting himself or..?

 **pepe wentz:** no frank what the fuck how can he fight himself

 **troy:** so who is he fighting with then?

 **pepe wentz:** u guys are fucking with me right? no one is this stupid????

 **patdaddy:** which two people are fighting?

 **pepe wentz:** ryan and ryan  
ive said it a hundred times  
can u all just not read or something?

 **troy:** what up im jared im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read

 **corn mom:** tre not now

 **gayrard:** who the fuck is ryan

 **pepe wentz:** gerard are you being for real right now?

 **moike:** i also want to know who ryan is

 **pepe wentz:** ryan   
u know  
our friend  
he's in this chat  
brendon and dallons shared boyfriend  
RYAN ROSS????

 **crikey:** not that ryan u fucking idiot  
the ryan that ryan is fighting with

 **pepe wentz:** OH that makes more sense  
idk who he is all i know is his names ryan and he has blue hair

 **leg:** wait  
ryan ross is fighting blue haired ryan?

 **pepe wentz:** yes thats what i just said

 **leg:** i know blue haired ryan!!! hes my friend  
wait why is he fighting ryan 

 **st jimmy:** can everyone stop saying ryan its making my head hurt

 

 

 **\- franko** renamed the group  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **st jimmy:** fuck off frank

 **corn mom:** billie why are u so mad

 **st jimmy:** im not   
but i fucking will be if u asshats keep asking questions

 **beebo:** i got punched by both ryans trying to stop that  
what an experience 

 **leg:** DONT HURT BLUE RYAN HES MY FRIEND

 **taylor:** blue ryan just hurt your boyfriend though

 **crikey:** i am... Very Confused  
is his name blue ryan?

 **gayrard:** no theyre calling him that bc his hair is blue and his name is ryan

 **leg:** his name is ryan seaman

 **pepe wentz:** like semen?

 **leg:** yes like semen

 **franko:** ryan sperm ha

 **troy:** ryan jizz

 **josh the living meme:** hey dal if hes ur friend why dont u add him to the chat?

 **leg:** because hes a pure innocent soul and u psychotic fuckers will roast him until he's just as dead inside as the rest of us

 **st jimmy:** i mean,, hes got a point 

 **beebo:** thats the same reason i refuse to add spencer to this chat  
hes a Softe Boye™  
he wont be able to handle it

 **patdaddy:** spencer?

 **moike:** *war flashbacks*   
oh god

 **beebo:** yes mike we all know u called him spanky 

 **moike:** is he still mad about that

 **beebo:** yes

 **patdaddy:** whos spencer

 **leg:** hes friends with me bren and ryan

 **beebo:** hes not just my friend  
well i mean he is now  
but he was my first gay experience

 **crikey:** i thought u said ryan was ur first gay experience

 **beebo:** i lied   
but ryans too busy getting his ass beat by blue ryan so the truth can come out

 **fuckdaddy:** 1\. im not getting my ass beat  
2\. idc that u lied  
3\. spencer was my first gay experience too

 **beebo:** whAT  
OH MY GOD

 **leg:** SPEBBER WAS MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE TOO OHMYGD  
*SPENCER

 **moike:** "spebber" ok

 **pepe wentz:** well now we have to add him just to change his name to spebber

 **beebo:** we are not going to do that

 **troy:** i can add him i sort of know him  
and by that i mean i grinded on him at a party once

 

 

 **\- troy** added  **Spencer Smith** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **beebo:** trE NO  
STOP IT  
DONT DO IT

 **troy:** im gunna do it

 **beebo:** NO

 

 

 **\- troy** changed  **Spencer Smith's** name to  **spebber**

 

 

 **spebber:** uh what?

 **leg:** ignore him

 **beebo:** TTE I SAY NO

 **troy:** "tte" ok brendon

 **st jimmy:** this could turn into a foursome at any moment

 **pepe wentz:** im intrigued

 **patdaddy:** i thought brendon dallon ryan and billie were The Closet Foursome™

 **fuckdaddy:** we are

 **franko:** so yOU FINALLY ADMIT THERE WAS A FOURSOME?

 **leg:** NO THERE WASNT  
THERE WAS SOME ACCIDENTAL GROPING BETWEEN ME AND BILLIE BUT THATS IT

 **moike:** i should be mad but im strangely turned on

 **franko:** i 100% support dillie  <3

 **troy:** NO  
i 100% support billdon <3

 **crikey:** hey what about bryan??

 **st jimmy:** stop pairing me up with The Trainwreck Trio™ what the fuck 

 **spebber:** ok im leaving

 **patdaddy:** bye  
hope u enjoyed ur time with us <3

 **spebber:** 5/10  
maybe less foursomes next time

 

 **\- spebber** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **beebo:** do u think that was too much for him?

 **corn mom:** we did immediately start talking about foursomes and groping so yeah maybe

 **gayrard:** rip spebber

 **taylor:** soooo  
ryan  
what were you and sperm man fighting over

 **leg:** dont call him that

 **taylor:** sorry  
jizzman

 **leg:** TYLER

 **taylor:** FINE  
what were u and blue sperm fighting over

 **franko:** thats his name now  
blue sperm

 **leg:** THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I WONT ADD HIM

 **fuckdaddy:** he said i looked like the once ler 

 **crikey:** IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THAT

 **st jimmy:** actually now u mention it.. u totally do look like the once ler

 **fuckdaddy:** I DO NOT  
BRENDON TELL THEM

 **beebo:** ryan does not look like the once ler  
lmao jk he totally looks like the once ler

 **fuckdaddy:** brenDON

 

 

 **\- gayrard** changed  **fuckdaddy's** name to  **once-ler**

 

 

 **once-ler:** THIS IS WHY SPENCER LEFT


	124. STONER/BONER BROS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that random chapter I had with just the MCR boys? well here's one with just the Green Day boys

 

 **st jimmy:** micycle

 **moike:** yes bicycle 

 **st jimmy:** where is tricycle 

 **moike:** tricycle went to the store for Snacks

 **st jimmy:** i hope he hurries up with the snacks im about to die

 **moike:** you literally have half a sandwich in your hand right now as we speak

 **st jimmy:** oh  
i forgot that was there  
thank u micycle 

 **moike:** u are welcome bicycle 

 **st jimmy:** TRICYCLE HURRY UP

 **troy:** snacks have been purchased   
i am returning to base

 **moike:** good  
dont get caught

 **troy:** caught by who? i didnt do anything wrong  
i only bought snacks

 **st jimmy:** micycle dont freak him out hes a small baby

 **troy:** i am small baby

 **moike:** sorry tricycle  
sorry bicycle

 **st jimmy:** guys  
we should change our nicknames  
and then when everyone else comes on the chat theyll be hella confused

 **troy:** YES good idea

 

 

 **\- troy** changed their name to  **tricycle**

 

 

 **\- moike** changed their name to  **micycle**

 

 

 **\- st jimmy** changed their name to  **bicycle**

 

 

 **micycle:** we're cycle bros

 **bicycle:** nah were stoner bros

 **tricycle:** or are we boner bros ;)

 **micycle:** when ur bro has a boner is it called broner?

 **tricycle:** yes obviously thats basic science   
anyway we should settle it: are we stoner bros or boner bros?

 **bicycle:** we are...  
STONER/BONER BROS

 **micycle:** I LOVE IT

 **tricycle:** I HAVE ARRIVED @ THE BASE WITH THE SNACKS

 **bicycle:** AW YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **micycle:** wait  
because the base is my house and i play bass  
shouldnt it be called THE BASS

 **tricycle:** MICYCLE UR A GENIUS

 **bicycle:** i see great things in our future 


	125. WHOMSTS PHALLUS IS THAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did anyone ask for pete and brendon drama? no. are you getting it anyway? yes.

_**beebo sent** **a photo to Ryan²** _

**crikey:** oh my god is that what i think it is

 **patdaddy:** yes it is  
brendon what the hell

 **corn mom:** bRENDON NO 

 **josh the living meme:** o h   m y   g o d

 **micycle:** oh damn

 **tricycle:** w H a T  t H e  F u C k  B r E n D o N

 **once-ler:** WHOMSTS PHALLUS IS THAT

 **pepe wentz:** BRENDON WHAT THE FUCK  
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU 

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **bicycle:** whos penis is that

 **crikey:** petes

 **patdaddy:** i hate how u know that

 **gayrard:** why is brendon sending petes dick to the group though

 **leg:** i just /know/ this is gonna end badly  
@beebo what the fuck do u think ur doing

 **patdaddy:** pete hasnt done anything to him he's been with me all day

 **once-ler:** brendon why

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **franko:** oh okay that fixes things

 **tricycle:** no it doesnt??

 **franko:** obviously not dumbass

 **josh the living meme:** the brotp frank/tre is collapsing :'(

 **micycle:** excuse me? the only brotp here is billdon

 **bicycle:** u know it ;)

 **taylor:** oh my god that was so awkward 

 **leg:** oh shit pete just texted me  
he said to tell brendon hes getting what he deserves??

 **franko:** thats terrifyingly vague 

 **patdaddy:** ITS ESCALATING  
OH DEAR LORD IT IS  _ESCALATING_

 **gayrard:**  I DONT LIKE NOT KNOWING WHATS HAPPENING  
PATRICK TELL US WHATS HAPPENING

 **patdaddy:** PETE IS SENDING BRENDONS DICK PICS TO EVERYONE  
LIKE  
LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL

 **once-ler:** WHY DOES PETE HAVE BRENDONS DICK PICS 

 **crikey:** WHY DID BRENDON HAVE PETES???

 **tricycle:** AAAAAAA 

 **corn mom:** YALL JUST CALM DOWN we need to deal with this

 **once-ler:** someone explain why brendons just asked me why he got removed from the chat

 

 

 **\- once-ler** added  **beebo** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **beebo:** who removed me  
fess up

 **patdaddy:** BRENDON WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU WHAT DID PETE EVER DO

 **beebo:** what?

 **bicycle:** bren  
as ur bro  
its my duty to tell u that pretending u dont know whats happening is nOT gonna work

 **beebo:** im  
i dont  
what

 **leg:** brendon seriously why did u do it

 **beebo:** do WHAT? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING  
I GOT REMOVED HOW COULD I DO ANYTHING

 **crikey:** U DIDNT GET REMOVED U LEFT  
RIGHT AFTER U SENT  _THAT_

 **beebo:** I HAVENT BEEN ON THE CHAT ALL DAY I DIDNT SEND ANYTHING WHAT THE FUCK 

 **tricycle:** this is  
stressful

 **franko:** i kNOW  
i cant handle this

 **tricycle:** WAKE ME UP wake me up insi-CANT WAKE UP wake me up ins-SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE

 **taylor:** im just gonna uh  
pretend im not here  
bye

 **josh the living meme:** im staying for the Drama™ its been so dry around here lately

 **gayrard:** josh is a thirsty hoe  
but so am i im staying right here

 **beebo:** I JUST SCROLLED UP AND I KNOW HOW UNBELIEVABLE THIS IS GONNA SOUND BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT SEND THAT

 **patdaddy:** sure

 **beebo:** im serious  
i left my class to go see ryan and i left my phone behind

 **once-ler:** can confirm he did come to see me but i assumed he had his phone with him

 **beebo:** i didnt

 **patdaddy:** ur full of shit

 **beebo:** oh my god patrick i didnt fucking send it  
its obvious someone was on my phone?????

 **crikey:** of course ur gonna say that

 **franko:** this is getting rather heated yikes

 **tricycle:** stay strong my brethren 

 **bicycle:** tre what the fuck

 **tricycle:** IVE BEEN WITHOUT DRAMA FOR SO LONG THAT I FORGOT HOW TO HANDLE IT OK LEAVE ME BE

 **micycle:** okay brendon ..  
im no saying i believe u but......  
who was in ur class that could have sent it

 **beebo:** u and billie were  
so was gerard  
and tyler  
and dallon

 **gayrard:** noah fence but why would any of us want to get into ur phone to send the group petes dick??

 **leg:** OHMYGOD PETE ACTUALLY DID WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD  
HE SENT BRENDONS DICK PICS AROUND THE E N T I R E SCHOOL

 **patdaddy:** well thats what he gets...

 **beebo:** wait what the fuck  
he didnt  
hes kidding right

 **crikey:** um   
no   
he is not kidding  
our entire class is talking about it

 **josh the living meme:** same  
teACHER IS TAKING PHONES I REPEAT THE TEACHER IS TAKING PHONES   
SHE SAW   
OHMUDHGDUHG"  
HSH DIDHGYy97e  
SHE SAW BRENDONS DICK

 **once-ler:** PETE HAS NO CHILL HOLY SHIT  
AT LEAST WHEN BRENDON SENT HIS NUDES HE CROPPED HIS FACE OUT

 **beebo:** I DIDNT SEND IT  
wait petE DIDNT CROP MY FACE OUT?????????

 **patdaddy:** nope i guess not.. oops

 **beebo:** FUCK OFF PATRICK  
oh my god my life is over  
does my dick look good though

 **leg:** i mean im hella turned on right now  
like.. its definitely noticeable ifuknowwhatimean

 **crikey:** dallon please stop talking

 **beebo:** ;))))

 **leg:** ;)

 **once-ler:** excluded once again

 **beebo:** SHUT UP RYAN WE'RE HAVING A CRISIS HERE

 **tricycle:** yeah so uhhh everyones kind of talking about brendons dick and they all know its brendons because his face is right in the frame  
im gonna die this is too much drama

 **franko:** how could this happen to me  
i made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run  
the night goes on and im faDING AWAY  
IM SICK OF THIS LIFE  
I JUST WANNA SCREAAAAAAAAAAM  
how could this happen to me

 **gayrard:** frANK STOP TEXTING SONG LYRICS

 **josh the living meme:** uh  
i just found out some information and i need to leave to deal with something immediately  
ill talk to u guys later

 **micycle:** thats just code for he doesnt wanna deal with this

 **beebo:** im being called to the principal   
rip me  
also im gonna shank pete when i see him

 **patdaddy:** touch him and i will end you

 **corn mom:** holy shit patrick  
but brendon u did kind of start this

 **bicycle:** im ur bro but... ya messed up big time kiddo

 **beebo:** im fucking done  
i didnt send the picture but if u guys wanna call me a liar thats fine  
im out

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **Ryan²**


	126. be strong for mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls forgive me for this

**gayrard:** i cannot believe im dealing with this  
me of all people

 **franko:** ur doing amazing sweetie 

 **gayrard:** thanks bae <3  
anyway heres the deets: brendon is refusing to leave his/mikeys room and he wont talk to any of us  
pete is suPER PISSED and kind of wants to punch brendon.. patrick fully supports this idea

 **patdaddy:** brendon brought this on himself

 **taylor:** he said he didnt send it though...

 **crikey:** do u really believe that   
brendons our friend sure but hes an asshole sometimes  
he does dumb shit like this all the time

 **tricycle:** hello how to get glass shards out of ass cheek? asking for a friend

 **corn mom:** what did u do

 **tricycle:** nothing  
im asking for a friend

 **bicycle:** IM THE FRIEND  
PLEASE HELP ME IT HURTS VERY MUCH

 **micycle:** if ur ass gets damaged beyond repair i will sue

 **bicycle:** its ok bby i still have my mouth ;)

 **josh the living meme:** how is billie a flirty little shit even when he literally has glass in his ass

 **bicycle:** i could get shot in the chest and id still be down to fuck

 **leg:** today on oversharing

 **once-ler:** yesterday u literally told the chat how turned on u were

 **leg:** fake news

 **corn mom:** i think u should maybe go to a hospital???

 **tricycle:** ok but what if HYPOTHETICALLY we were hiding from a man whos house we accidentally broke into

 **patdaddy:** im done  
thast it  
byE

 

 

 **\- patdaddy** removed  **tricycle** from  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- patdaddy** removed  **bicycle** from  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **micycle:** patrick what the fuck   
billies hurt and theyre in trouble

 **patdaddy:** a perfect reason why we should let them do what they gotta do without bothering us

 **micycle:** just because brendon sent your boyfriends ugly shrimp dick to the chat it doesnt mean you have to be an ass to the rest of us

 **taylor:** but brendon didnt send it 

 **franko:** oH MY GOD TYLER YES HE DID

 **josh the living meme:** dont yell at tyler what the hell frank

 **franko:** well hes the only one dumb enough to believe brendons obvious lies

 **taylor:** why are u being such a dick what the hell

 **leg:** bren might not be lying though

 **gayrard:** ur only saying that bc ur up his ass 24/7

 **leg:** what the fuck no im not

 **once-ler:** u kinda are  
i mean  
he fucking smashed your phone yesterday and u let him get away with it

 **leg:** it was an accident ryan oh my god

 **once-ler:** maybe  
but idk.. its like ur scared of getting mad at him or something

 **leg:** ok lol

 

 

 **\- leg** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **once-ler:** well that was mature  
im getting pretty fucking sick of him i swear to god

 **micycle:** NO  
U ARE NOT PUTTING US THROUGH THIS AGAIN  
BRYLLON ARE STAYING TOGETHER OKAY 

 **once-ler:** k whatever

 **gayrard:** anyway the focus here is that brendon and pete have both fucked up and they both need to sort it out

 **patdaddy:** good luck with that

 **crikey:** oh my GOD patrick u are being so unhelpful right now

 **patdaddy:** so

 **crikey:** sO MAYBE FUCKING TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND BECAUSE PART OF THIS IS HIS FAULT

 **patdaddy:** nah  
brendons fault  
pete only did what brendon did first

 **josh the living meme:** but brendon kept it within the chat  
pete sent it to EVERYONE 

 **patdaddy:** i know  
so what

 **corn mom:** maybe that wasnt the best decision?

 **patdaddy:** brendon likes being the centre of attention anyway idk why hes making such a big deal about this

 **franko:** i miss my brethren tre  
i need to him get me through this

 

 

 **\- franko** added  **tricycle** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **tricycle:** crisis averted thanks for ur help :/

 **franko:** tre help me im about to die

 **tricycle:** be strong for mother franklin  
be strong for mother

 **franko:** for mother

 **tricycle:** billie has something to say 1 sec

 

 

 **\- tricycle** added  **bicycle** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **tricycle:** go ahead bijo

 **bicycle:** im gunna get so much shit for this but-  
PETE MADE THIS WAY WORSE THAN IT HAD TO BE

 **patdaddy:** of course u would say that

 **bicycle:** its the truth

 **patdaddy:** no its just u being loyal to ur side hoe

 **micycle:** ur what

 **once-ler:** yeah what

 **patdaddy:** come oN are u guys really this slow???  
billie and brendon have obviously been hooking up behind ur backs

 **bicycle:** what the fuck no we havent  
hes my friend and we get high together THATS ALL

 **taylor:** maybe everyone should calm down

 **franko:** shut the fuck up tyler ur just covering for brendons lying ass 

 **josh the living meme:** frank stop   
tylers being the most rational person here right now and ur attacking him

 **corn mom:** IM THE MOTHERFUCKING MOM FRIEND SO WHAT I SAY GOES OKAY  
PATRICK UR GONNA TALK TO PETE AND TELL HIM TO STOP MAKING IT WORSE  
RYAN UR GONNA TALK TO BRENDON AND TELL HIM TO NOT SEND PEOPLES DICK PICS  
EVERYONE ELSE IS GONNA  S T O P  YELLING AT EACH OTHER OK

 **bicycle:** and patricks gonna stop accusing me of shit i didnt do

 **patdaddy:** *of shit u definitely did do

 **bicycle:** keep fucking talking and im gonna fucking hit you

 **micycle:** billie omg dont  
i dont believe ur hooking up with brendon and im sure no one else does

 **franko:** i mean... neither of them are trustworthy people

 **gayrard:** frank no

 **once-ler:** i wouldnt put it past brendon tbh

 **patdaddy:** thank you ^^

 **crikey:** i dont believe it at all tbh

 **patdaddy:** then ur dumb

 **crikey:** shut up u salty ass hoe ur just mad ur boyfriend liked me first

 **gayrard:** miKEY NO

 **patdaddy:** he never actually liked u   
u know that right?

 **gayrard:** PATRICK NO

 **once-ler:** oh my god

 

 

 **\- once-ler** added  **leg** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **once-ler:** hey dal would u believe it if i said brendons been hooking up with billie

 **gayrard:** R Y A N   N O

 **leg:** wait what

 **bicycle:** NO WE FUCKING HAVENT

 **taylor:** i cant  
i just cant

 **josh the living meme:** big mood

 **leg:** im so confused  
what the fucks going on with brendon and billie

 **bicycle:** NOTHING  
AND IF YOU MENTION IT AGAIN IM GONNA BREAK UR FUCKING NOSE

 **micycle:** can yall maybe... leave mine and billies relationship out of ur dumbass drama plseas thank u

 **leg:** well i kind of wnat to know whats going on

 **micycle:** NOTHING  
oh and btw u should probably deal with the issues between u and ryan before u get involved in something else

 **once-ler:** WHAT THE HELL MIKE

 **corn mom:** IM GOING TO LIVESTREAM MY SUICIDE AND MAKE YOU ALL WATCH 

 **tricycle:** Yikes™

 **corn mom:** right  
lets start dealing with this sensibly ok

 **patdaddy:** if your immature friends can handle it sure

 **gayrard:** patRICK I SWEAR TO FUCK


	127. pregnancy averted

**bicycle:** right so im having a crisis  
can either ryan or dallon come to the roof

 **leg:** sounds shady   
why

 **bicycle:** brendons having a major breakdown and idk what to do and its freaking me out

 **leg:** coming rn

 **once-ler:** NOT TO ALARM ANYONE BUT MIKEY JUST WALKED INTO THE GROSS GRAFFITI BATHROOM WITH MISS JACKSON

 **gayrard:** NONONONONO WHAT THE FUCK

 **patdaddy:** MIKEY WYD

 **micycle:** WWIHSGUEJDSK!EHOB

 **once-ler:** IM SNOOPING

 **franko:** EW GROSS HETEROSEXUALS 

 **gayrard:** OUR PARENTS WILL KILL ME IF HE GETS SOMEONE PREGNANT  
RYAN STOP THE PREGNANCY

 **once-ler:** no can do my man ive already seen too much

 **corn mom:** WAIT SO ARE THEY ACTUALLY DOING THE DO

 **once-ler:** YES AND I SAW MISS JACKSONS ENTIRE VAGAINO

 **josh the living meme:** ryan what the hell is a vagaino 

 **tricycle:** josh we all know ur gay as fuck but come on   
everyone knows what a vagina is

 **josh the living meme:** ah but ryan didnt say vagina he said vagaino

 **once-ler:** literally everyone knows what i meant

 **taylor:** actually i thought u meant volcano 

 **once-ler:** WHY would i mean volcano  
why would there be a volcano  
what the fuck tyler

 **bicycle:** I CAN STOP THE PREGNANCY   
YES LET ME DO IT

 **micycle:** billie ew no do u wanna see boobs

 **bicycle:** theyre not  _that_ gross   
do not fear gerard ill stop the pregnancy 

 **gayrard:** THANKS I LOVE YOU <3

 **franko:** wow...

 **leg:** keep me updated i cant leave brendons having a shitty time

 **patdaddy:** is it about  
u know  
the incident

 **leg:** yeah

 **corn mom:** is pete ok

 **micycle:** petes dick stayed in the chat its not even that bad

 **patdaddy:** he still kind of wants to hit brendon but hes getting better

 **taylor:** brendon didnt send it 

 **franko:** tyler its amazing how loyal u are to ur friend but what proof do u have

 **taylor:**...... idk

 **josh the living meme:** anyway moving on  
billie have u stopped the pregnancy yet

 **bicycle:** im hid behind the door taking pictures in case i ever need to blackmail either of them  
sorry gerard but ur brothers dick is gonna be saved on my phone forever now

 **gayrard:** as long as no one ends up preganant idc

 **tricycle:** billies a smartboi

 **once-ler:** kinda weird but ok  
im coming for back up

 **taylor:** didnt u see enough volcanoes earlier

 **once-ler:** fuck off

 **gayrard:** oh my god i heard that bang what was that

 **bicycle:** RYAN FUCKING PUSHED ME THROUGH THE DOOR 

 **once-ler:** IM SORRY I SLIPPED

 **leg:** DID THEY SEE YOU

 **bicycle:** no of course not  
we only slammed the door open and landed on the floor by their feet  
no way they could have seen us

 **corn mom:** IM CRINGING SO HARD

 **tricycle:** this is exhilerating

 **franko:** are u gonna tell us anything else

 **once-ler:** i saw more of mikey than i ever wanted to and miss jacksons vagono will haunt my nightmares until i die

 **patdaddy:** "vagono" do u just not know how to spell vagina

 **bicycle:** but on the plus side  
pregnancy averted 

 **gayrard:** THANK GOD i can breathe again

 **leg:** thank u for that story  
i told brendon and he actually stopped crying

 **corn mom:** its a christmas miracle

 **tricycle:** raymond it is june

 **micycle:** tre its january what

 **tricycle:** oh  
well  
this is new and shiny information

 **bicycle:** hA GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS

 **patdaddy:**??

 **bicycle:** miss jackson tried to give me a month of detention for "spying" but i showed her the pics i have and she was like "haha i meant u can go home now if u want"  
I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT

 **micycle:** THIS IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN  
GOD BLESS MIKEY AND HIS BEAUTIFUL HETEROSEXUAL PENIS

 **gayrard:** can we stop talking about my brothers penis now please thank u

 **once-ler:** ok  
what the fuck  
whAT   
ThE  
F U C K  
WHAT BULLSHIT IS THIS WHTA THE UFCK IM ABOUT TO THROW MYSELF OFF OF THE ROOF   
OSIWYGDYGW!SIODIOEHUGYV

 **leg:** u good?

 **once-ler:** billie gets out of a month of detention because he has a few blurry pictures but i still get punished????????????  
IM SO MAD IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO PUNCH SOMEONE  
SHE GAVE ME A WHOLE  M O N T H  OF DETENTION  /AND/ SHE WANTS TO SUSPEND ME FOR 3 DAYS??????????????????????????????????????????????  
SW!dcefOIHGSGA GgwhsabvsHXQ G  
im going to the principal

 **gayrard:** ryAN NO MIKEY COULD GET IN DEEP SHIT

 **patdaddy:** didnt tre fuck the principal? i rlly dont think he'll care tbh

 **franko:** the principal is heterophobic though

 **josh the living meme:** he has a wife

 **corn mom:** yeah bt thats only a cover   
what he really likes is underage boys

 **tricycle:** now u say it like that.. i realize how gross he is  
ew  
but his body is so damn hot

 **taylor:** tre contain urself

 **tricycle:** copy that

 **once-ler:** BILLIE COME HERE AND TELL MISS JACKSON TO LET ME OFF

 **bicycle:** what do i get

 **once-ler:** YOU GET MY FRIENDSHIP

 **bicycle:** mmmmm thats not really useful to me though is it

 **once-ler:** BILLIE I SWEAR TO GOD IF U DONT GET UR SCRAWNY ASS HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW I WILL END YOU

 **bicycle:** dont fuck w/ me boy 

 **once-ler:** im not scared of u   
u dont have any shady pictures of me

 **bicycle:** oh dont i?

 **micycle:** seriously ryan dont fuck with billie

 **bicycle:** i  _a lot_ of have incriminating evidence on every single one of u  
just in case any of u try to fuck me over

 **leg:** brendon asks if u have anything on him

 **bicycle:** of course  
hes my bro but i still dont trust him

 **leg:** he says "ok thats fair"

 **gayrard:** im suddenly terrified of billie

 **patdaddy:** i was always kind of scared of him but now..  
holy shit

 **bicycle:** so ryan  
what do i get if i come bail ur ass out

 **once-ler:** uGH FINE  
what do u want

 **bicycle:** nothing lmao im just being an asshole  
im coming to get u off

 **corn mom:** billie what the fuck dont say that

 **crikey:** THAT  
IS  
THE  
LAST  
MOTHERFUCKING  
STRAW  
IVE  
HAD  
IT  
WITH  
ALL  
OF  
U

 **taylor:** hello mikey

 **crikey:** seriously what the FUCK do u dickheads think ur doing

 **gayrard:** uhhhh saving u from being a teenage dad

 **crikey:** IM NOT A BABY GERARD I HAD PROTECTION

 **bicycle:** no u didnt i have pics to prove it

 **crikey:** DELET THEM

 **bicycle:** nuh uh

 **crikey:** IM GONNA SHANK U LATER  
ANYWAY WHY IS MY PRIVATE LIFE ANY OF UR BUSINESS

 **josh the living meme:** because miss jacksons like 30  
its weird

 **crikey:** TRE FUCKED THE PRINCIPAL AND HES AT LEAST 50  
AND HE FUCKED TYWIN WHOS LITERALLY 70

 **corn mom:** and we all thought that was weird as hell too but u know tre he wont listen to us

 **tricycle:** obviously not  
but hey mikey if u wanna fuck older women in gross bathrooms thats fine

 **gayrard:** NO TRE IT ISNT  
MIKEY I GET UR MAD BUT UR BEING A DUMBASS  
WHAT IF SHE GOT PREGNANT

 **crikey:** then there would be a baby gerard thats how pregnancy usually works

 **josh the living meme:** "usually works"

 **taylor:** sometimes there no baby at all  
sometimes its a velociraptor

 **crikey:** if i want to fuck a woman and end up raising a velociraptor then thATS MY CHOICE

 **leg:** THATS MY OPINIONNNNNNNNNNNNN  
sorry i just thought of that

 **franko:** mikey  
dude  
we get ur still hurting over pete but dont do this

 **crikey:** WHY TE FUCK DO U GUY S  HAVE TO BRING PETE INTO EVEYTHING IM FUCKING  O V E R  HIM GET IT?? 

 **patdaddy:** doesnt sound like it....

 **micycle:** mikey ur gonna be thankful for this one day

 **crikey:** no im not  
fuck all of you  
i hate this stupid chat

 

 

 **\- crikey** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **bicycle:** o dear

 **once-ler:** thanks for saving me billie

 **leg:** lmao ryans being nice to billie now

 **taylor:** i think we should all start being nice to billie

 **bicycle:** yes bitches


	128. well done detective thats some great detective work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to shout at me for this

 

 **\- patdaddy** added  **pepe wentz** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- patdaddy** added  **beebo** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **patdaddy:** greetings 

 **beebo:** hello u treacherous bastards 

 **pepe wentz:** hi u lying sack of shit

 **beebo:** i wasnt talking to u dickbreath

 **pepe wentz:** well i was talking to u shitdick

 **taylor:** um  
guys  
listen up

 **josh the living meme:** tyLER NO

 

 

 **\- josh the living meme** removed  **taylor** from  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **once-ler:** im already vERY confused

 **josh the living meme:** tyler has a stupid idea and im making sure no one kills him for it

 **micycle:** goals  
billie why dont u look out for me like that

 **bicycle:** michael i took down the entire squad of football dicks for u earlier

 **micycle:** oh yea  
theyre SUPER pissed about that btw

 **bicycle:** yeah i know ive been in the same closet for the past 20 minutes 

 **franko:** tf did u do

 **bicycle:** i told miss jackson to tell the principal they were dealing drugs  
and of course she did it  
so now theyre all in DEEP shit but theyre also slightly upset w/ me

 **tricycle:** well billies fucked goodbye 

 **beebo:** yeah i heard miss jackson is billies bitch now  
can u tell her to tell the principal to suspend peter

 **pepe wentz:** why are you calling me peter

 **beebo:** i typed the r by accident shut the fuck up

 **pepe wentz:** billie can u ask miss jackson to ask the principal to kick brendon out

 **bicycle:** brendons my broski my number 1 homie my pal my dude my brethren my side ho  
so no can do petey

 **leg:** "petey"

 **franko:** sounds like.... petekey

 **gayrard:** frank no

 **corn mom:** i can see pete angrily typing pETE DO NOT PISS BILLIE OFF 

 **pepe wentz:** listen here u crooked toothed banana-postured hedgehog looking motherfucker

 **once-ler:** i just wheezed so loudly

 **josh the living meme:** um did anyone notice billie legit called brendon his "side ho" ?

 **pepe wentz:** IM NOT IN A GOOD FUCKING MOOD BILLIE SO U BETTER DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY 

 **bicycle:** thank u for ur feedback i will get back to u shortly

 **leg:** pete u are #fucked

 **pepe wentz:** billie is the LEAST scary person in this chat   
except maybe tyler

 **once-ler:** pete buddy  
u missed an entire conversation during which billie proved he is literally satan

 **beebo:** hey im literally satan too  
im so glad billies my side ho

 **josh the living meme:** THERE IT IS AGAIN  
"SIDE HO"  
ARE ANY OF YOU PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL

 **franko:** omg josh SHUT UP theres some quality drama   
wait  
side ho  
that cant be good

 **josh the living meme:** well done detective thats some great detective work

 **franko:** im not a detective so that doesnt make sense

 **bicycle:** i have done some thinking  
and ive decided not to expose petes secrets   
hes having a rough time i understand why hes being such a little bitch

 **pepe wentz:** hey...

 **leg:** side ho

 **josh the living meme:** finally someone notices

 **franko:** i noticed

 **josh the living meme:** yes because ur such a great detective arent u mr detective man

 **gayrard:** oh my god josh what is your obsession with detectives today

 **leg:** s i d e   h o

 **beebo:** now lets not jump to conclusions

 **leg:** S  I  D  E    H  O

 **once-ler:** see   
what did i fucken tell u 

 **beebo:** OKOKOK I CONFESS

 **bicycle:** DONT U TELL EM ANYTHING   
BRENDON PLEASE  
WE HAD A DEAL

 **patdaddy:** oh  
this got very awkward very fast  
im gonna turn my phone off for a bit

 **micycle:** great  
u know.. i thought something was going on with u two but i was like "nah billies a good person he wouldnt break my heart again"  
turns out hE FUCKING DID

 **bicycle:** no mike u dont understand its not like that

 **beebo:** oh my god this is why i wanted to tell them the truth months ago

 **leg:** MONTHS  
FUCCKIGHN MONTHS

 **once-ler:** im not even surprised   
dallon lets leave 

 **leg:** yes good idea  
mike u coming?

 **micycle:** yes obviously 

 

 

 **\- once-ler** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- leg** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- micycle** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **bicycle:** great  
im stuck in a closet and the football team want to kill me and my boyfriend thinks im cheating on him  
today is just 10/10

 **beebo:** we should maybe explain to the rest of the chat whats rlly going on?

 **gayrard:** yes  
that would be helpful

 **tricycle:** billie ur my best friend but mike is also my best friend and if u did something dumb and hurt him agAIN i will fight u  
idc what kind of shady shit u know about me and idc if u tell the whole world i will kick ur stupid ass 

 **josh the living meme:** oh boy

 **pepe wentz:** im am shooketh to my very core

 **bicycle:** no explanations  
no  
im not talking about this

 **franko:** well thats really reeeeeeeeally suspcious 

 **bicycle:** i dont care   
my private life is my business so back off

 **corn mom:** i know whats going on

 **beebo:** really?

 **corn mom:** billie acted like this before when  _he_ was around  
so the only explanation is  _he_ is back

 **tricycle:** oh my god

 **josh the living meme:** holy shit

 **pepe wentz:** oh fuck

 

 

 **\- bicycle** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **corn mom:** well that just proves my theory  
but brendon how are u involved in this

 **beebo:** i dont wanna talk about this

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **gayrard:** i cant believe the squad has been divided once again  
and billie already wants me to add him back

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **bicycle** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **bicycle:** brendon come let me out of the closet i accidentally locked myself in  
if anyone other than brendon turns up i will start exposing shit

 **tricycle:** kinda hurt u dont want me there..

 **bicycle:** tre i am not in the fucking mood

 **josh the living meme:** brendon left too  
hang on

 

 

 **\- josh the living meme** added  **beebo** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **beebo:** josh no

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **bicycle:** oh my god

 **gayrard:** im sorry this is funny

 **patdaddy:** is the drama still happening?   
ill come back later

 

 

 **\- bicycle** added  **beebo** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **beebo:** STOP  
wait what the fuck billie u left before i did how are u adding me back

 **bicycle:** can u let me out of the closet pls

 **beebo:** oh  
yeah sure

 **bicycle:** ok now we can both leave

 **beebo:** good

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- bicycle** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **tricycle:** and we still dotn know the truth about the dick pic

 **josh the living meme:** yeah  
about that...

 **franko:** oh my god

 **corn mom:** josh did u send it

 **josh the living meme:** no i wasnt even in brens class when it happened  
but i do kinda maybe know who did send it

 **pepe wentz:** so it really wasnt brendon?

 **josh the living meme:** no

 **pepe wentz:** well fuck   
i was gonna rip him apart

 **franko:** josh u have to tell us u cant just leave us like this

 **gayrard:** josh cmon pls

 **josh the living meme:** i cant tell u guys i dont wanna get involved  
but i know someone who will gladly tell u

 

 

 **\- josh the living meme** added  **taylor** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** tyler u better tell me what the fuck is happening im about to beAT THE SHIT OUT OF WHO SENT THAT PICTURE

 **taylor:** _yikessssssssssss  
_ ok what exactly will u do to said person 

 **pepe wentz:** i just said im gonna beat the shit out of them  
and then im gonna do it again  
and again

 **taylor:** snskdksksk  
rip to them 

 **pepe wentz:** so who was it   
because i kind of want to get on with the ass beating straight away

 **josh the living meme:** it was dallon  
dallon sent it  
pls go easy on him im sure he didnt mean to????

 **taylor:** josh omg

 **franko:** wait what  
what the hell

 **gayrard:** why would dallon do that though  
isnt he like madly in love w/ brendon?

 **corn mom:** im so confused  
tbh i thought gerard did it to get back at pete for hurting mikey

 **pepe wentz:** that makes sense  
but josh are u for real

 **josh the living meme:** yes  
sorry i didnt say anything before i didnt want anyone to ya know... die  
please dont kill dallon

 **pepe wentz:** no promises

 **taylor:** oh my god i knew this was a bad idea u should never have said anything josh why are u like this  
we should have left it until we all forgot about it   
this is bad   
this is so bad

 **josh the living meme:** tyler please calm down

 **taylor:** PETE IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HURT DALLON AND IST UR FAULT

 **josh the living meme:** im sorry????? what exactly was i supposed to do

 **pepe wentz:** im gonna go kill a bitch

 **tricycle:** ok so theory time

 **corn mom:** oh my god dont

 **tricycle:** hush raymond  
heres my theory: dallon likes ryan more than he likes brendon but ryan likes brendon more than he likes dallon  
dallon wanted to do some mean stuff to brendon as payback for stealing his man  
so he took brendons phone and caused a whole shitstorm which is totally something brendon would do so of course everyone thought it was actually brendon  
dallon supposedly "loves" brendon tho so its the perfect cover!!!!!

 **franko:** actually dallon and ryan dont even like each other that much  
they both like brendon 

 **tricycle:** yeah i totally just made that theory up on the spot  
I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHATS GOING ON AND HONESTLY IM KINDA SCARED

 **gayrard:** BIG MOOD


	129. dallon is the new std

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **beebo** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **once-ler** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **leg** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

-  **gayrard** added  **bicycle** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **micycle** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **\- gayrard** added  **crikey** to  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **gayrard:** OKAY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON

 **beebo:** DOMNT FUCKSIHBG YEDLL AT ME IJN DINDT DO ANTYHIGG

 **gayrard:** I WASNT EVEN TALKNG TO YOU   
WHY IS UR SPELLING SO BAD

 **beebo:** I CNANT TDSTOP CR Y  ING OK  
II FUCVKING HAT E  DALLON SI MUCVH  
whY WOUL DD  HE DO THISD T O mE

 **bicycle:** its ok my man ill kick his lanky ass for u

 **pepe wentz:** already did it  
billie can u ask miss jackson to ask the principal to not expel me pls

 **bicycle:** normally i would say no but because u were taking down a fucking asshole then yes i will 

 **crikey:** LEAVE MISS JACKSON ALONE

 **pepe wentz:** haha fuck dallons parents are here

 **patdaddy:** well u did break his arm his nose and a couple ribs  
and possibly his jaw

 **beebo:** GIOOOD I WANRT HE  TO DIE

 **once-ler:** maybe stop crying like a little bitch before u try typing

 **corn mom:** omg ryan dont make it worse

 **beebo:** WHT DOD Y U HAVTEM ME WHTA DI D  I DO

 **once-ler:** u fucked billie  
why wouldnt i hate u

 **bicycle:** ME AND BRENDON NEVER DID ANYTHING  
THE MOST INTIMATE THING WE EVER DID WAS SHARE A JOINT

 **micycle:** and u had his dick in ur ass

 **beebo:** NWJ WE DIDNT

 **bicycle:** FIRST OF ALL brendons obviously the bottom here?  
second of all FUCK OFF MIKE IM NOT TALKING TO YOU

 **micycle:** fine its official  
me and billie are broken up  
FOR GOOD THIS TIME

 **tricycle:** snkdkjwojhcdgvhidowhcdiywqugsjja  
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO  
im gonna cry

 **once-ler:** im break9ng up w/ brendon  
and dallon too  
fuck both of them

 **beebo:** I BREK  UP WTIT DALLO FIRST  
AND FYCK U RYAB

 **franko:** heyyyy sorry im late i was stuck in the crowd of ppl outside  
dallon got taken to the hospital lmao its so funny

 **taylor:** HOW is that funny

 **franko:** because he acted like a lil bitch and he got his ass beat

 **taylor:** i hate all of this

 **josh the living meme:** tyler stop bitching whats done is done

 **taylor:** dont bother adding me bacl

 

 

 **\- taylor** left  **Ryan²**

 

 

 **micycle:** whats up his ass

 **tricycle:** josh usually

 **josh the living meme:** he just doesnt like the drama he'll be fine when this blows over

 **patdaddy:** im not sure this is gona just "blow over"

 **pepe wentz:** oh fuck what if dallons parents wanna press charges???????

 **once-ler:** they wont  
they dont care about him

 **pepe wentz:** im relieved... but very sad

 **corn mom:** what i wanna know is  
how did brendon get involved in the std mess

 **bicycle:** SHUT TEH FCUK UP RAY

 **micycle:** oh my GOD billie stop being such a brat

 **tricycle:** mike stop that  
if billie says nothing happened between him and brendon then i beieve him

 **bicycle:** thanks tre 

 **beebo:** i climbed through his bedroom window bc i was gonna let a bunch of frogs loose in his room and i accidentally walked in on him getting his ass beat  
it gave me nightmares for 2 weeks

 **bicycle:** brnDON WHAT THE FUCK  
but yes that is what happened

 **pepe wentz:** if i dont get arrested for this i'll willingly beat std up

 **franko:** me too

 **josh the living meme:** me three

 **micycle:** i hate billie but i will also beat up std

 **gayrard:** when this drama is dealt with we have a squad trip to beat the shit out of std

 **beebo:** only if dallon isnt invited

 **corn mom:** obviously  
dallon isnt invited anywhere anymore

 **once-ler:** idea: a squad trip to beat up std AND dallon

 **beebo:** YES RYAN UR A GENIUS  
at this point dallon is basically the new std

 

 

 **\- tricycle** renamed the group  **dallon is the new std**

 

 

 **bicycle:** guys stop  
yes dallon turned out to be a jackass  
but he is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as std  
trust me.. he does some fucked up shit

 **patdaddy:** so pete are u going to jail or not

 **pepe wentz:** im not sure  
im not being expelled anymore so thats a plus

 **crikey:** can everyone like stop using miss jackson to get out of trouble

 **josh the living meme:** no

 **franko:** no

 **beebo:** no

 **gayrard:** no

 **pepe wentz:** no

 **bicycle:** no

 **corn mom:** no

 **tricycle:** no

 **patdaddy:** no

 **once-ler:** no

 **micycle:** no

 **crikey:** ok. message received 

 **patdaddy:** oh boy  
dals seeing these messages

 **pepe wentz:** HEY FUCKASS THERES MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM

 **crikey:** pETE

 **beebo:** @DALLON UR A FUCKING BITCH AND I HATE U  
ansd im cyrying afain 

 **once-ler:** oh my GOD  
but seriously dallon what the fuck is wrong with u 

 **bicycle:** im gonna shank u when i next see u

 **leg:** okay i dont know where the fuck u got this bullshit information from but i didnt send that fucking picture   
and pete as soon as i can move without crying i will END YOU  
as for the rest of u: i hope u all drop dead :)

 

 

 **\- leg** left **dallon is the new std**


	130. guacamole gang

**crikey:** guacamole gang  
what  
no  
*gucci gang

 **gayrard:** GUACAMOLE GANG I WHEEZE

 **tricycle:** MIKEY I JUST SPAT WATER AT MY PHONE THANKS A LOT

 **micycle:** why are u talking about gucci gang anyway mikey

 **crikey:** because i need to lighten the mood somehow

 **once-ler:** heres a good mood lightener  
dallon hasnt even tried to talk to any of us

 **patdaddy:** because pete almost killed him   
then billie threw a brick at his head  
and then brendon hit him with his fucking car  
hes probably terrified of all of us now

 **josh the living meme:** oh my god   
what the hell is wrong with you guys

 **bicycle:** uh nothing  
we're doing the lords work

 **josh the living meme:** seriously its time to leave him be  
if he isnt bothering u why are u attacking him

 **beebo:** why are u defending him

 **josh the living meme:** im not i just dont want any of my friends getting in trouble??  
sorry for caring????

 **corn mom:** dallons sat 2 seats away from me   
i kinda of maybe feel bad??  
he looks so sad

 **beebo:** good.  
fuck this shit im going to the roof  
billei u coming?

 **bicycle:** who is this "billei" u speak of

 **beebo:** im not in the fucking mood are u coming or not

 **bicycle:** yikes dont get salty  
yes im coming

 **micycle:** billie are u fuckin kidding me i literally texted u 2 minutes ago and asked if we can talk

 **bicycle:** sure u can talk  
im not gonna listen but

 **tricycle:** ayyy lmao

 **josh the living meme:** tre ur not helping at all

 **crikey:** FRANK WHAT THE HELL

 **gayrard:**??

 **crikey:** HE ASKED MISS JACKSON IF HE COULD GO OUTSIDE TO SMOKE AND BECAUSE SHE SAID NO HE SAID "ILL TELL BILLIE UR BEING MEAN"

 

 **pepe wentz:** good one frank

 **crikey:** EVERYONE THINKS BILLIES SOME SORT OF GOD NOW ITS NOT FAIR  
I HAD SEX WTH A HOT TEACHER AND BILLIE STOLE MY THUNDER

 **micycle:** billie steals everything

 **bicycle:** I DO NOT

 **micycle:** u r currently wearing my hoodie and my shoes

 **bicycle:** ok mayeb i do steal things

 **josh the living meme:** i miss tyler  
its so boring w/out him

 **once-ler:** add him back maybe??

 **josh the living meme:** no i dont trust him he might say something dumb  
and then everyone will get mad at him  
and then i'll have to fight all of u  
and i dont want to do that

 **tricycle:** OH MY GOD I JUST FIGURED SOMETHING OUT  
OH MY GOD IM DUMB HOW DID I NOT REMEMBER THIS

 **gayrard:** wwait what

 **tricycle:** YALL ARE GONNA LOSE YOUR SHIT WHEN I TELL U  
THIS CHANGES  _EVERYTHING_

 **crikey:** im calling it now: its something stupid and unimportant

 **tricycle:** THIS EXPLAINS WHY TYLERS BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD

 **josh the living meme:** what  
tyler isnt acting weird  
hes fine  
leave him alone  
ur acting weird  
shut up tre

 **tricycle:** oh   
my   
GOD  
JOSH JUST BASICALLY CONFIRMED MY THEORY

 **patdaddy:** yup im lost

 **corn mom:** tre stop pretending u know whats going on because u dont

 **tricycle:** NO THIS TIME I KNOW FOR SURE  
hmmmm do i tell everyone

 **josh the living meme:** tre please  
if you really know then u know how badly its gonna end for tyler  
and for me

 **tricycle:** yes i do  
but  
look at what  happened to ******    
thats all on tyler  
and u too

 **micycle:** hm  
6 letters  
whomst

 **pepe wentz:** billie?   
gerard?  
dallon?

 **josh the living meme:** tre dont  
ok im begging u here please dont tell everyone

 **tricycle:** theyre gonna figure it out eventually  
im just gonna speed it up a little

 **josh the living meme:** NO

 **beebo:** im very intrigued 

 **bicycle:** me too

 **franko:** i think we all are

 **micycle:** tre   
tell us everything

 **tricycle:** ok here goes  
josh im sorry but i have to do this  
yall remember when the picture got sent?

 **pepe wentz:** how can we ever forget

 **tricycle:** well the culprits were:  
billie  
mike  
gerard  
tyler  
dallon  
and brendon of course

 **beebo:** are we seriosusly back to this  
I DIDNT SEND IT 

 **tricycle:** no u did not

 **bicycle:** can u like hurry up w/ this theory my phones about to die

 **josh the living meme:** tre please dont do this

 **tricycle:** shut up  
anyway  
joshua told us it was dallon who sent it  
HE LIED

 **pepe wentz:** wait what

 **patdaddy:** WHAT

 **beebo:** josh what

 **bicycle:** TRE SERIOUSLY HURRY UP IM ON 2%

 **micycle:** charge ur phone

 **bicycle:** fuck my ass  
actually no dont

 **tricycle:** I WAS AN IDIOT FOR NOT REMEMBERING THIS BEFORE   
AT THE TIME THE PICTURE GOT SENT DALLON WASNT EVEN IN CLASS WITH BRENDONS PHONE  
HE WAS OUTSIDE MY CLASS BECAUSE HE WAS GONNA FIGHT ME BECAUSE I KEPT TEXTING HIM A PIC OF A SNAIL WITH HIS FACE ON IT

 **franko:** WAIT I REMEMBER THIS  
MR TURNER OPENED THE DOOR AND HIT HIM IN THE HEAD

 **tricycle:** YES EXACTLY

 **gayrard:** so  
josh lied to us?

 **pepe wentz:** josh what the hell i almost killed him

 **bicycle:** and i threw a brick at him

 **beebo:** I HIT HIM WITH MY CAR  
im cryijngf sio hard whstd haevd id ofjne

 **once-ler:** why do u cry so much

 **beebo:** I AJVE A LOYT  OF FEELIBFS OK RYAM

 **corn mom:** so if dallon didnt send it  
who did

 **tricycle:** takin bets rn who do u think sent it

 **bicycle:** trE NO IM AT q%  
*1%

 **micycle:** q% is my favorite percentage 

 **bicycle:** sHUT  
TRE

 **tricycle:** OK FINE  
tyler sent it  
he was gonna confess until pete said what he was gonna do when he found out   
and then josh heroically dived in and saved tylers ass and threw dallon under the bus

 **once-ler:** more like threw him under brens car

 **beebo:** THAdt nOt veEven fuNNy

 **patdaddy:** why is brendon even allowed to drive

 **franko:** josh what the actual shit   
is this true

 **josh the living meme:** I DID WHAT I DID OK  
i knew i had to protect tyler and dallon was the first person i saw so i just used him

 **beebo:** WHY THE FUCK DID TYERL EVERN SEND IT IN ETH FIRST PLACE

 **josh the living meme:** HE DIDNT MEANT TO  
he was gonna change ur lockscreen to furry porn but he found that instead and accidentally sent it

 **beebo:** i never thought id say this but  
id rather have furry porn

 **pepe wentz:** i feel like shit  
oh my god  
i want 2 die

 **bicycle:** i should maybe apologize for throwing a brick at dals head  
anD THROW ONE AT JOSH INSTEAD

 

 

 **\- josh the living meme** left  **dallon is the new std**

 

 

 **crikey:** well i guess we need a new group name now

 

 

 **\- crikey** renamed the group  **JOSH IS THE WORST PERSON EVER**


	131. *eyes emoji*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY OKI HAD TO DO THIS

**\- Gerard Way** added  **Brendon Urie** and  **Billie Joe Armstrong** to  ***eyes emoji***

 

 

 **Gerard Way:** as the chat name says.. *eyes emoji*  
i demand an explanation

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** new chat  
ooh new chat

 

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong** changed  **Brendon Urie's** name to  **breadbin urine**

 

 

 **breadbin urine:** im??? what did i ever do to u 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** nothing   
but breadbin urine suits u

 **Gerard Way:** guys please  
e x p l a i n

 

 

 **\- breadbin urine** changed  **Billie Joe Armstrong's** name to  **bilbo hoe**

 

 

 **bilbo hoe:** im filing a complaint

 **breadbin urine:** u do that

 **Gerard Way:** hey  
listen  
tell me what the hell is going on

 **bilbo hoe:** u should probably ask ray or mikey or patrick  
theyre usually good at paying attention  
me and brendon Are Not

 **breadbin urine:** *brendon and i

 **bilbo hoe:** stfu when hav u ever cared about grammar

 **breadbin urine:** i dont  
just my name should go first bc im better

 **bilbo hoe:** sounds fake but ok

 **Gerard Way:** i dont mean whats going on in general  
i mean whats going on w/ u guys specifically 

 **breadbin urine:** well i went back to my house to get my other phone charger because mikey fucking chewed mine like the gremlin he is  
and now my parents wont let me leave because i probably did something wrong   
idk about billie

 **bilbo hoe:** im in my room   
its actually chill cos std isnt here rn

 **breadbin urine:** IM SO PROUD OF U FOR OPENLY TALKING ABOUT STD

 **bilbo hoe:** YA IM TRYING OUT THIS NEW THING WHERE IM NOT SCARED OF HIM   
wait did u say mikey  _chewed_ ur phone charger

 **breadbin urine:** yes  
his teeth are so sharp  
hes a Pointy Boye™

 **Gerard Way:** oh my lord both of u are missing the point completely

 **bilbo hoe:** gerad  
u dont have a nickname  
u cant be in the chat without a nickname

 **Gerard Way:** im not gonna be in this chat for long i literally made it so i can talk to u 2   
noW PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN WHAT I NEED U GUYS TO EXPLAIN TO ME

 **breadbin urine:** excuse me sir can u please not raise ur voice indoors   
its not polite

 **bilbo hoe:** inside voices gerard  
inside voices

 **Gerard Way:** FUCKINTLITENEIHDUBGVYC

 

 

 **\- breadbin urine** changed  **Gerard Way's** name to  **frog dad**

 

 

 **frog dad:** what the fuck is a frog dad

 **breadbin urine:** idk but it fits you

 **bilbo hoe:** ha   
gerards a frog dad

 **breadbin urine:** we should add frank  
he can be the toad mom

 **frog dad:** NO  
I NEED TO SPEAK TO BOTH OF U PRIVATELY

 **bilbo hoe:** yikes dont be so aggressive

 **breadbin urine:** im trying to sit here and eat my waffles and you just fucking disrespected me

 **frog dad:** BRENDON  
PLEASE  
PAY ATTENTION

 **bilbo hoe:** frog daddy being dominant ;)

 **frog dad:** BILLIE

 **bilbo hoe:** okAY jesus   
what the fuck do u want

 **frog dad:** last night u came to my house to see brendon right

 **bilbo hoe:** i did indeed

 **breadbin urine:** ya we hung out in the ghost room   
chad didnt want to speak to us tho

 **frog dad:** yes i know u were in the ghost room  
because i heard a load of noises and walked in there because i thoigth someone got possessed or someshit

 **breadbin urine:** wait  
u went in there  
when me and billie were in there

 **bilbo hoe:** *billie and i

 **breadbin urine:** no

 **bilbo hoe:** wow.. rude

 **frog dad:** PLEASE STOP GETTING OFF TRACK I  N E E D TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON OK  
so i walked in   
and idk if it was the lighting or because i was really tired or what  
but it looked like u two were.... having The Intercourse™

 

 

 **\- breadbin urine** removed  **frog dad** from  ***eyes emoji***

 

 

 **breadbin urine:** hsHSJHSJJKKJH  
OH MY GOD  
HOW DOES HE KNOW  
OH MY GOD  
WHAT DO WE DO  
O H  M Y  G O D  
HELP ME

 **bilbo hoe:** first of all you said "oh my god" too many times and it kind of confiused me  
second of all OH MY GOD 

 **breadbin urine:** wait  
how much do u think he saw??  
like.. do u think we can convince him he dint see anything?

 **bilbo hoe:** idkkkkkkkkkkk  
fuck this is bad what if he tells mike  
wait mike broke up with me why would he care

 **breadbin urine:** mike might not care but if he tells ryan ...

 **bilbo hoe:** didnt ryan break up with you

 **breadbin urine:** kinda   
but still  
he kept saying we were gonna hook up and i dont want him to know because he'll fucking act like a dick and rub it in

 **bilbo hoe:** OKAY so we agree that NO ONE can know????

 **breadbin urine:** ILL HIT GERARD WITH MY CAR IF I HAVE TO

 **bilbo hoe:** breNDON NO  
seriously u gotta stop hitting people with cars  
lets just add him back and idk   
try to explain?

 **breadbin urine:** good plan  
this is why i love u

 **bilbo hoe:** wait what

 **breadbin urine:** nOTHING  
AUTOCORRECT  
MY PHONE IS DUMB  
I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING SHUT UP  
ADD GERARD BACK

 

 

 **\- bilbo hoe** added  **frog dad** to  ***eyes emoji***

 

 

 **breadbin urine:** GERARD PLEAS DONT TELL ANYONE OK IT WAS A ONE TIME THING I DONT LOVE BILLIE  
U HEAR THAT? I DONT LOVE BILLIE  
NO LOVE

 **frog dad:**???????  
i never said u did love him but ok  
AND I  DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD BE MAD OR WHAT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON  
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

 **bilbo hoe:** welllllllllll  
its kind of a long story

 **breadbin urine:** it really isnt

 **bilbo hoe:** it was the summer of 2001...

 **frog dad:**????????????????

 **breadbin urine:** billie oml just tell him

 **bilbo hoe:** FINE  
chad wouldnt talk to us and we got bored   
and we were a little stoned

 **frog dad:** UR ALWAYS STONED  
IST NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE  
WIAT HAS THIS HAPPENED BEFPRE

 **breadbin urine:** NO thsi was the first time  
and the last time  
ya hear that billieboy we are NOT doing it again  
ITS NOT LIKE I LOVE HIM OR ANYTHING

 **frog dad:** bren chill i know u dont love him  
that would be weird 

 **bilbo hoe:** so now u know ur sworn to secrecy if u tell anyone else brendon will hit u w/ his car got it?

 **breadbin urine:** but u said im not allowed to hit anoyone else with my car

 **bilbo hoe:** im giving you permission

 **breadbin urine:** Lit™  
i cant wait

 **frog dad:** im not gonna tell anyone   
can u imagine the shit that would cause

 **breadbin urine:** oh boi..

 **frog dad:** buuuuuuuut i kind of have to tell frank  
and mikey  
and ray  
we all had bets going

 **bilbo hoe:** no wtf

 **frog dad:** i want my damn money  
byeeeeeeeeeee  
and if u guys decide to hook up again please dont do it on my brothers bed

 

 

 **\- frog dad** left  ***eyes emoji***

 

 

 **bilbo hoe:** im giving it 2 days until everyone else knows

 **breadbin urine:** bitch im giving it 2 minutes  
mikey cant keep his mouth shut for shit

 **bilbo hoe:** we're both fucked

 **breadbin urine:** understatement of the century

 **bilbo hoe:** well its been nice knowing u breadbin

 **breadbin urine:** u too bilbo

 **bilbo hoe:** mikes either gonna not care or hes gonna flip his shit and hoNESTLY i dont know which one i want it to be

 **breadbin urine:** the other chat is being spammed  
yup they know

 **bilbo hoe:** wanna go get stoned and ignore our problems?

 **breadbin urine:** u always know how to fix things  
i love u 

 **bilbo hoe:** uh

 **breadbin urine:** HA FUCK SORRY MY AUTOCORRECT IS OUT OF CONTROL I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING  
SHUT UP LETS GO GET STONED


	132. HOW TO UN-EAT A TIDE POD ?

**franko:** right so this is awkard

 **gayrard:** oh no.. what did u do

 **franko:** nothing  
but billie and brendon are having a domestic feud outside my house and its really hard to ignore it

 **once-ler:** im not even surprised tbh  
those 2 are the most Extra™™™ people in this group

 **tricycle:** franklin my brethren   
u must snoop on them and tell us whats going on

 **crikey:** whhy are u talking about snoop dogg  
oh wait never mind

 **pepe wentz:** i bet mikey has wet dreams about snoop dogg

 **crikey:** peter i will cut u

 **patdaddy:** pete stop harassing the children

 **crikey:** im less than a year younger than both of u

 **patdaddy:** yes  
u are a children

 **micycle:** i like how he didnt deny that he has wet dreams about snoop dogg

 **crikey:** I DONT

 **gayrard:** no u guys got it all wrong  
its harry truman that turns him on

 **crikey:** im turning my phone off boodgye

 **micycle:** "boodgye"

 **crikey:** THIS IS CALLED BULLYING AND ITS WRONG

 **franko:** ok so i cant rlly tell whats happening but i have made some observations  
1\. billie is so pissed hes yelling and waving his arms arouund  
2\. brendons crying hysterically also he has a black eye  
3\. im pretty sure billies wearing brendons shirt? hmmmmm *eyes emoji*

 **once-ler:** if billie hit brendon i swear ill kill him

 **corn mom:** aw ryan tried to hard to hate brendon but he cant   
its adorable

 **once-ler:** eat my ass

 **tricycle:** billie wouldnt hit brendon hes pretty much in love with him

 **micycle:** no he isnt???

 **tricycle:** sure whatever u say mike

 **pepe wentz:** frank can u lip read

 **franko:** i mean,,, i can try?

 **pepe wentz:** good enough  
go ahead

 **franko:** something about a didgeridoo? idk  
i think brendon just yelled "gardening"   
im very bad at this  
im gonna go outside and hide so i can hear whats going on

 **patdaddy:** that would b helpful

 **tricycle:** i hope they are aguing over a didgeridoo 

 **corn mom:** but why would they be arguing over a didgeridoo ?

 **crikey:** its billie and brendon  
i once listened to them argue over whether the stain on the floor looked like yoshi or not for over 2 hours

 **once-ler:** i was there  
it definitely did look like yoshi

 **gayrard:** i was there too  
it didnt look like yoshi at all 

 **once-ler:** yes it did it even had the big ass nose

 **gayrard:** it was a round stain hOW IS THAT YOSHI

 **once-ler:** EVERYTHING ROUND IS YOSHI

 **gayrard:** NO ITS NOT

 **crikey:** please..... do not

 **franko:** ok im not going outside   
brendons dad pulled up and he is  a n g e r y

 **once-ler:** i hate brendons dad so much

 **micycle:** oh god this is gona end bad  
billie doesnt like being around loud shouty parents  
frank dont let him get hurt

 **franko:** im not going anywhere near that   
OH SHIYT

 **once-ler:** WHAT

 **corn mom:** FRANK 

 **micycle:** DONT LEVAE US LIKE THIS WTH

 **franko:** sorry i temporarily forgot how to function  
BILLIE STARTED YELLING AT BRENDONS DAD SO BRENDONS DAD SHOVED HIM AND THEN BRENDON PUNCHED HIS DAD  
IM SO CONCERNED I NEED TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON BUT I DONT WANT THEM TO KNOW I SAW THEIR ARGUMENT  
WHAT DO I DO HELP ME

 **gayrard:** go outside and be like "oh wow hi guys i didnt know u were here" and act like nothing happened  
and then ask them whats going on and hopefully theyll tell u and then u can tell us

 **franko:** OK GOOD IDEA

 **pepe wentz:** UH SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT I JUST SWALLOWED A TIDE POD  
AM I GONNA DIE

 **patdaddy:** whY  
HOW  
WHAT THE HELL PETE

 **pepe wentz:** I PUT IT IN MY MOUTH SO I COULD TAKE ICONIC MEME PICTURES TO SEND TO U GUYS   
BUT I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED I HAVE A FUCK TON OF HOMEWORK AND I GASPED AND SWALLOWED IT

 **tricycle:** WRITE AN AGRY LETTER TO THE SCHOOL   
TELL THEM UR DYING BECAUSE OF THE HOMEWORK

 **pepe wentz:** AM I ACTUALLY DYING

 **once-ler:** yup  
do u know what happens when u eat a tide pod?

 **pepe wentz:** NO   
IS IT BAD

 **once-ler:** well first of all ur eyes start pouring blood

 **pepe wentz:** i DODT WNAT THAT TO HAPPEN  
PATRIKC I DONT WANT MY EYES TO BLEED  
PATRICK HELP ME

 **patdaddy:** soRRY I AM LAUGHING SO HARD OH MY GOD

 **once-ler:** and then u start coughing up blood 

 **pepe wentz:** HOW TO UN-EAT A TIDE POD ?  
HELP ME

 **once-ler:** and then ur dick falls off

 **gayrard:** im cackling

 **pepe wentz:** IM CRYJG PLEAS HELP ME ID ONDT WNAT RD IDIE

 **once-ler:** chill man im kidding idfk what happens if u eat a tide pod

 **pepe wentz:** ur an fuckING ASHOEL  
im actually crying

 **franko:** i have some Juicy Deets™ 

 **crikey:** tell us

 **micycle:** also u missed pete eating a tide pod and having a breakdown because ryan told him he was going to die

 **franko:** classic ryan  
anyway  
so brendon and billie hooked up agAIN like we all said they would

 **gayrard:** i just lost ten dollars to mikey wtf

 **crikey:** yes bitches im rolling in tit  
*it omg

 **tricycle:** rolling in tits  
MIKEY IS SO STRAIGHT IT HURTS MY SOUL

 **franko:** BUT brendons dad caught them  
and he got rlly mad bc hes a homophobic pile of shit  
and he hit brendon

 **once-ler:** oh my god

 **patdaddy:** _yikesss_ i hate this so much

 **franko:** and they were arguing bc brendon didnt want billie to cause a scene and makes thigs worse

 **gayrard:** holy shit  
this is bad

 **tricycle:** lowkey disappointed they werent arguing over a didgeridoo ...

 **corn mom:** tre.. now is not the time

 **tricycle:** excuse me ray? its ALWAYS didgeridoo time


	133. fuck off mike u look like vladimir putin

**pepe wentz:** NOT TO BRAG BUT I FIXED THE SQUAD  
IM A FUCKING GENIUS  
BE PROUD OF ME  
APPRECIATE ME  
IM THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO THIS CHAT  
not bragging tho

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** added  **leg** to  **JOSH IS THE WORST PERSON EVER**

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** added  **taylor** to  **JOSH THE THE WORST PERSON EVER**

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** added  **josh the living meme** to  **JOSH IS THE WORST PERSON EVER**

 

 

 **\- pepe wentz** renamed the group  **PETE IS THE BEST PERSON EVER**

 

 

 **pepe wentz:** all yall need to know is that we all had a calm discussion and now everything is ok 

 **franko:** gr8   
now the only problem we have is billdon

 **gayrard:** billdon isnt rlly a problem tho

 **micycle:** it is

 **leg:** can we not talk about that pls and thank u

 **josh the living meme:** my dad still hasnt taken our chirtsmas decorations down 

 **tricycle:** tell him santa will crawl inside his anal cavity and lay eggs if he doesnt

 **josh the living meme:** no tre i am not saying that to my actual father   
he will disown me

 **taylor:** then u can move in with me  
my mom loves u

 **beebo:** oh  
dallons back  
hi

 **leg:** new phone who dis

 **beebo:** ok.. that kinda hurts ngl

 **leg:** you know what else hurts?  
getting hit by youR FUCKING CAR

 **patdaddy:** pete are u sure this was a good idea

 **pepe wentz:** yes  
no  
idk

 **bicycle:** i feel like im interrupting something here

 **leg:** only our entire relationship

 **crikey:** dallon omg

 **micycle:** i feel like dal got 110% more salty

 **taylor:** this is kind of all my fault uhh  
maybe i should leave

 **josh the living meme:** tyler no

 **bicycle:** so uhh  
who wants to hang out later

 **once-ler:** i feel like that could start an actual war so nah

 **micycle:** its a no from me

 **beebo:** billie full offence but ur a fucking asshole

 **corn mom:** oh yikes 

 **franko:** billie what did u do to him

 **bicycle:** nothing hes being a clingy brat

 **beebo:** u cant reply to my texts but u can reply to the group  
im not being a clingy brat what the fuck

 **leg:** dont insult him too much he might hit u with his car

 **beebo:** dALON FUCKO OFF

 **patdaddy:** "fucko off" same bren same

 **gayrard:** im not sure what to do and i dont want to get involved so im gonna go annoy mikey

 **crikey:** gET OUT OF MY ROOM

 **taylor:** is chad still around

 **franko:** yeah but he mostly leaves us alone now  
except mikeY  
he doesnt like mikey at all

 **tricycle:** get rekt scrub 

 **crikey:** eat me ass tre

 **tricycle:** okay mr krabs

 **bicycle:** BRNDON DID U FUCKING BLOCK MY NUMBER

 **beebo:** well u didnt wanna speak to me so.. yah

 **once-ler:** today on brendon overreacts 

 **corn mom:** ryan do not make things worse

 **once-ler:** but what if i do anyway

 **pepe wentz:** i aspire to be as Extra™ as brendon   
patrick if u ignore me for 0.2 seconds i will block u

 **patdaddy:** pete stop beng an ass

 **pepe wentz:** beng

 **micycle:** i thought that said bong

 **taylor:** of course u did

 **bicycle:** ok fine if i cant private message u then i guess ill have to tell the whole chat

 **beebo:** go right ahead

 **franko:** im so hungry

 **crikey:** frANK SHTU THE FUCK OFF I NEED THE DRAMA

 **josh the living meme:** "shut the fuck off"  
has everyone forgot how to speak ice cream today or something

 **patdaddy:** im-  
what

 **josh the living meme:** oH MY GOD I MEANT ENGLISH NOT ICE CREAM   
SORRY THERE WAS AN ICE CREAM TRUCK OUTSIDE AND I GOT DISTRACTED

 **taylor:** why is there an ice cream truck in february tho

 **corn mom:** bilies been typing for a long ass time is anyone else concerned

 **micycle:** brendon if hes in a bad mood ur about to get ur ass handed to u 

 **beebo:** i didnt actually do anything tho?

 **micycle:** lol that doesnt matter  
if hes in a bad mood he'll punch u for breathing too loud or someshit  
hes weird like that

 **bicycle:** fuck off mike u look like vladimir putin 

 **leg:** im snorting 

 **franko:** im choking 

 **micycle:** woW OK NO NEED TO BE FUCKIN RUDE

 **beebo:** billie if ur sending me a whole fucking 3 volume book dont bother 

 **once-ler:** bren no offence but ur the one whos more likely to send someone a 3 volume book 

 **patdaddy:** im actually very confused right now  
i cant tell if The Trainwreck Trio™ are still together or not  
and whats going on w/ my otp bike

 **leg:** bryllon is dead  
ryllon lives on

 **micycle:** bike died when billie decided to stick his dick in breadbin

 **beebo:** ACTUALLY michael billie was the bottom  
both times

 **bicycle:** whAT E FUCK BERNBOB

 **gayrard:** "bernbob" im having heart problems 

 **crikey:** this chat is out of control

 **bicycle:** and if brendon wants me to keep it short then fine  
STOP ACTING LIKE WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WE HAD SEX TWICE AND THE SECOND TIME I DIDNT EVEN WANT TO  
SERIOUSLY YOU ARE SO FUCKING NEEDY THIS IS WHY EVERYONE LEAVES YOU

 

 **beebo:** k

 

 

 **\- beebo** left  **PETE IS THE BEST PERSON EVER**

 

 

 **franko:** wait  
what do u mean "the second time i didnt even want to"

 **gayrard:** holy shit what

 **corn mom:** did he force u??

 **micycle:** wtf he better not have  
because i swear i will kill him

 **bicycle:** wha   
no omg i didnt mean it like that  
i wanted to at the time but now i just wish we didnt bc things are so awkward between us now????  
and like.. i dont even want to be around him right now  
idfk its just weird between us ever since

 **tricycle:** look at mike getting all protective over billie he still cares about him aW

 **micycle:** tre  
listen  
i'll never not care about billie  
but sometimes hes a dumb idiot who makes the worst life choices

 **bicycle:** ngl .. i teared up a little then

 **josh the living meme:** wait  
its almost billies birthday

 **bicycle:** ooh  
i forgot lmao

 **corn mom:** how do u forget ur own birthday tho

 **pepe wentz:** I SAY WE ALL GET WRECKED

 **leg:** I AGREE

 **bicycle:** LETS DO IT

 **patdaddy:** lowkey scared but yEAH LETS DO IT

 **tricycle:** YEAHHH

 **gayrard:** WHENEVER THE SQUAD COLLAPSES WE JUST PARTY AND EVERYTHING GETS BETTER

 **bicycle:** but im gonna need someone to like chain me up or someshit   
so i dont do anything with bren  
because honestly i dont trust myself or him at all

 **leg:** or we can just not invite brendon

 **taylor:** i kind of feel like ur being unecessarily mean now

 **leg:** i kind of feel like its none of ur business

 **once-ler:** the new and improved saltyx2 dallon is my favorite dallon yet <3

 **leg:** <3

 **bicycle:** AW  
YALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE AND SUPPORT RYLLON <3


	134. MENA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if i said that some major shit *might* happen soon? and i mean major MAJOR shit.. hmm...

**\- pepe wentz** changed their name to  **jason**

 

 

 **corn mom:** whomst

 **patdaddy:** he told the new teacher his name is jason 

 **bicycle:** theres a new teacher? what  
when did that happen

 **taylor:** shes been here for like a week now open ur dang eyes

 **bicycle:** yeah well ive spent most of the past week blazed out of my fucking mind so

 **micycle:** we noticed..  
marital trouble with brendon?

 **bicycle:** literally ram ur head up ur ass

 **micycle:** king kong ;)  
im so sorry that was supposed to say kinky i dont know what happened

 **once-ler:** pete  
patrick  
what the fuck are u doing at school so early

 **jason:** i read the time wrong and told patrick we were late and he panicked and here we are

 **leg:** wild

 **gayrard:** MIKEY U PROMISCUOUS LITTLE SHIT

 **bicycle:** im wheezing gerarrd wtf

 **crikey:** yes gerard what the FUCK??

 **gayrard:** i kNEW there was a reason u literally ran past me to get out the door  
WHAT IS THAT HICKEY ON UR NECK

 **crikey:** well u literally just said the word  
it is a hickey

 **once-ler:** mikeys been getting busy ;))

 **gayrard:** who the hell have u been hooking up with 

 **crikey:** hm let me think  
oh yes thats right  
none of ur hecking business

 **micycle:** mikeys a savage omg

 **crikey:** i dont see the big deal here?  
if tre had a hickey none of u would be questioning him

 **taylor:** mikey u r a babo tho

 **crikey:** TRE IS YOUNGER THAN ME?????

 **tricycle:** i have the maturity of a 69 year old

 **corn mom:** saying 69 isnt helping ur case at all here

 **crikey:** anyway we are DONE talking about this ok gerard

 **gayrard:** ill tell mom and dad

 **crikey:** go ahead  
ill tell mom and dad that u and frank had sex in their bed

 **franko:** yikes leave me out of this

 **gayrard:** ill tell mom and dad u had sex with miss jackson in a school bathroom

 **crikey:** ill tell mom and dad it was u who broke the car window with a baseball that one time

 **gayrard:** nO U MONSTER THEY WERE SO MAD ABOUT THAT I BARELY GOT AWAY WITH IT

 **bicycle:** u only got away with it bc u told them i did it  
and ur mom is incapable of getting mad at me

 **crikey:** so do we have a deal

 **gayrard:** yes fine whatever

 **tricycle:** if i ever get to have sex with nicolas cage   
im gonna pull out  
and sing "coming out of nic cage and ive been doing just fine"

 **josh the living meme:** tre,, it is too early for this

 **micycle:** TRE U CANT SAY THAT

 **leg:** i am disgusted 

 **franko:** yo dallyo u remember when u were straight and u played football?

 **leg:** i like to pretend that didnt happen but yeah why

 **franko:** do u still have the thing that goes on ur head

 **leg:** u mean the helmet? yes i still have it  
whats going on

 **franko:** gREAT i need to borrow it  
im gonna headbutt tre but i dont want to hurt my head

 **tricycle:** hey dont attack me :(

 **once-ler:** dallyo  
hm

 **leg:** do not

 

 

 **\- once-ler** changed  **leg's** name to  **dallyo**

 

 

 **dallyo:** so this is my fate  
but yes frank u can borrow it ill bring it with me  
tre deserves to get headbutted for that

 **tricycle:** yall are so MENA

 **corn mom:** MENA

 **taylor:** i hate it when people are mena to me

 

 

 **\- patdaddy** renamed the group  **MENA**

 

 

 **tricycle:** i am /this/ close to leaving

 **bicycle:** aw tre we're sorry for being mena to u

 **tricycle:** hey billie shouldnt u be off dealing with brendon?

 **bicycle:**...  
dont test me  
i still have incriminating evidence on all of u

 **jason:** speaking of brendon  
why the FUCK is he dressed as a magician?

 **patdaddy:** i dont think hes dressed as a magician pete  
maybe a priest? idk

 **josh the living meme:** i think hes a waiter or something

 **taylor:** he looks like hes part of a circus omg

 **once-ler:** oh god whats he doing

 **jason:** one sec

_**jason sent a photo to MENA** _

**dallyo:** oh no bby what is u doing

 **franko:** im crying  
hes wearing a fucking top hat

 **micycle:** he has a cane   
i cant

 **once-ler:** billie omg what did u do to him

 **bicycle:** i didnt do anything  
ok end of discussion lets move on

 **corn mom:** ur acting weirdly shady again

 **bicycle:** NO IM NOT FUCK OFF

 **patdaddy:** holy shit rip brendon 

 **dallyo:**???

 **jason:** the dick squad are being assholes to him

 **taylor:** IM SCREECHING WTF  
HE STARTED HITTING THEM WITH HIS CANE

 **micycle:** im sorry im laughing so hard right now

 **josh the living meme:** HE STARTED A FIGHT WITH THE ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM AND THEYVE LIKE GOT HIM PINNED IN A CORNER BUT HES JUST SWINGING HIS CANE AT THEM

 **gayrard:** theyre gonna murder him someone stop them

 **taylor:** i vote billie

 **crikey:** me too

 **once-ler:** yup me too  
billie go save brendon

 **bicycle:** lmao why would i do that  
idc that hes getting his ass beat

 **corn mom:** but what if he gets really badly hurt?

 **josh the living meme:** yeah  
what if his parents make him transfer schools because its so bad

 **dallyo:** are u gonna go deal with it?

 **bicycle:** nope  
...  
uGH FINE fuck all of u  
brb

 **micycle:** yall  
hear me out  
i think billie actually cares about brendon

 **franko:** uh no  
not at all

 **micycle:** hes acting exactly how he acted with me before we got together bc he was a dumbass and didnt want to feel anything

 **tricycle:** thats actually true

 **crikey:** oh yikes  
what if billie and brendon get together for real  
i dont think i could handle that much drama

 **taylor:** NO ONE could handle that much drama

 **dallyo:** well good luck to billie if that happens  
brendon is like a curse u have to pass him on to someone else to be free of him

 **once-ler:** dal ur kind of taking this way too far now...

 **dallyo:** hm whats that?  
ah yes its the sound of me not giving a shit   
fuck off ryan

 **franko:** im coming for u tre  
finna headbutt u so hard for saying that

 **tricycle:** does me talking about nicolas cage make u uncomfortable 

 **franko:** everything u talk about makes me uncomfortable

 **tricycle:** harsh  
but fair

 **jason:** i fell asleep for like 10 minutes and i had an erotic dream involving danny devito

 **patdaddy:** u better danny deleto that message right now peter

 **taylor:** DANNY DELETO   
IM CRYING


	135. vagina day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/13610154

 

 **taylor:** its v day

 **josh the living meme:** vagina day

 **taylor:** josh i will not hesitate to break up with u

 **josh the living meme:** *valentines day  
my bad  
im sorry tyler ily

 **taylor:** ily too josh <3

 **micycle:** i hate this day & i want to die :)

 **tricycle:** u good?

 **micycle:** yup im fine  
i asked billie if we could talk to work out our relationship and he said yes but then 2 mins later texted me saying he's busy with brendon :)))  
i :) love :) life :)

 **patdaddy:** full offence... what is billies problem  
like i know he has some major issues that he should prob work out in therapy  
but why does he have to be such an asshole 

 **dallyo:** all u ladies pop yo pussy like this

 **once-ler:** DALLON NO

 **dallyo:**  do it now lick it good suck this pussy just like u should 

 **once-ler:** DALLON STOP

 **dallyo:** my neck   
my back  
lick my pussy and my crack

 **once-ler:** DALLON I SWEAR TO GOD  
VALENTINES DAY OR NOT I WILL DUMP UR ASS

 **dallyo:** oh my god fine ill stop

 **once-ler:** THANK YOU  
U GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND HE WAS UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING TAHT FFUCKING ON REPEAT

 **jason:** but y tho

 **dallyo:** because i can never sleep and im losing my fucking mind lmao

 **crikey:** are you okay?

 **dallyo:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **gayrard:** so are billie and brendon talking again now  
im so confused  
theyre causing more shit that The Trainwreck Trio™

 **franko:** gerard dont even go there lets just leave them to their weird not relationship relationship 

 **micycle:** or we could lock them both in a dungin  
dungen  
no thats not right wtf  
how do u spell dungaone

 **crikey:** donegen  
idfk

 **tricycle:** dun-jon

 **taylor:** more like dun JOSH hahaha get it   
like josh dun

 **corn mom:** tyler no

 **micycle:** wow thanks ur so helpful tyler  
yes we'll put b*lldon inside josh

 **josh the living meme:** i would not like that

 **micycle:** too bad buddy  
ur having b*llie and br*ndon shoved straight up inside u

 **josh the living meme:** this conversation is making me uncomfortable 

 **tricycle:** mike maybe u should calm down

 **micycle:** IM VERY CALM   
IN ACTUAL FUCKING FACT IM SO CALM THAT B*LLIE COULD WALK UP TO ME RIGHT NOW AND I WOULDNT EVEN HIT HIM THATS HOW FUCKING CALM I AM OK SO DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN IM ALREADY AS CALM AS I CAN POSSIBLY FUCKING BE 

 **tricycle:** mike...  
calm down

 **micycle:** wpjhdvhwsoiqchdvcwqkhcdohwqjvhqowcs

 

 

 **\- micycle** left  **MENA**

 

 

 **corn mom:** were billie and brendon even at school  
i dont remember seeing them

 **taylor:** no  
they skip all the time its fine

 **corn mom:** idk  
they were acting weird yesterday  
like   
shady weird

 **dallyo:** no one cares

 **once-ler:** dallon full offence but this whole "i dont give a shit about brendon" thing u have going isnt fooling anyone 

 **dallyo:** shut up yes it is

 **josh the living meme:** nope   
it really isnt

 **patdaddy:** its not

 **dallyo:** well shit

 **corn mom:** i feel like theyve done something dumb

 **franko:** what do they do that /isnt/ dumb tho

 

 **crikey:** omg  
chad  
hes gone

 **josh the living meme:** whAT NO I LIKE CHAD  
COME BACK

 **gayrard:** he left bc mikey is a dick to him

 **crikey:** he wouldnt get out of my room ofc i was a dick to him

 **franko:** rip chad  
well double rip consdering hes already dead

 **patdaddy:** pete why do u have heelies in ur backpack

 **jason:** so i can get home faster when i leave ur house? duh

 **corn mom:** im gonna add brendon back i need to know whats going on

 **once-ler:** BUT WE'RE DOING SO WELL WITHOUT HIM

 

 

 **\- corn mom** added  **beebo** to  **MENA**

 

 

 **corn mom:** hi

 **beebo:** yo  
wait have any of yall spoke to billie

 **dallyo:** of course ur only concern is the gremlin

 **gayrard:** DONT CALL HIM THAT

 **bicycle:** dallon shut up u look like one of those inflatable bendy air men

 **jason:** IM CRYING HE TOTALLY DOES

 **dallyo:** bitch what

 **crikey:** to answer ur question brendon no we havent spoke to billie

 **tricycle:** i have

 **beebo:** when  
what did u say  
what did HE say

 **tricycle:** i just texted him asking if i should start calling ryan "wyan woss"  
he said i totally should

 **once-ler:** ok do not do that ever

 **taylor:** wyan woss

 **dallyo:** WYAN WOSS

 **once-ler:** nO   
stO p

 **franko:** h... hewwo

 **gayrard:** REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS CHAT BEFORE I REMOVE YOUR ENTIRE GENITALS 

 **franko:** yikes

 **patdaddy:** NO DONT SAY HEWWO THING PETE WILL START DOING /THAT/ AGAIN

 **jason:** hewwo  
it me  
i was wondewing if aftew all these yeaws ud like to meet  
to go ovew  
evewything

 **tricycle:** petes a genisu omg  
i have chills  
im crying

 **once-ler:** ew pete no

 **jason:** hewwo fwom the othew side

 **gayrard:** im going outside to dig my grave  
pete wentz will be named in my suicide note

 **beebo:** oh shit i forgot its valentines day

 **bicycle:** i cant forget with mike aggressibely spamming me every 0.3 seconds  
I KNOW ITS VALENTINES DAY MICHAEL AND IM SORRY I CANT COME TO UR HOUSE SO U CAN YELL AT ME FOR BEING A SHITTY PERSON BUT I WAS CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING

 **corn mom:** caugth up in what exactly

 **beebo:** NOTHIJNG

 **bicycle:** i was helping brendon with his homework  
chill

 **beebo:** yeah thats what i meanT  
we were doing homework   
at my house

 **corn mom:** oh  
ok

 

 

 **\- corn mom** removed  **bicycle** from  **MENA**

 

 

 **\- corn mom** removed  **beebo** from  **MENA**

 

 

 **corn mom:** theyre lying  
billie doesnt even do his own homework so why would he help brendon  
not that brendon does his anyway

 **dallyo:** and no way would brendons parents let billie in their house

 **patdaddy:** spooky

 **crikey:** tis a mystery

 **corn mom:** im gonna find out what theyre doing   
idk i just have a bad feeling about the whole thing

 **tricycle:** lets scooby doo this shit

 


	136. godzilla is a LESBIAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG UR ONE OF MY FAV PEOPLE ON THIS TRASH PLANET I LOVE U <3

**corn mom:** i cant believe my plan failed wtf

 **taylor:** plan??

 **corn mom:**  at billies drunk birthday thing last night  
i planned to get brendon and billie drunk enough to tell me whats going on but instead they sat in separate corners of the room and neither of them drank anything

 **franko:** whoa  
thats weird

 **corn mom:** yup  
anyway i spent most of the night trying to stop ryan from setting things on fire

 **once-ler:** let me live

 **gayrard:** i had fun  
i dont remember anything at all but im sure i had fun

 **crikey:** u were crying to me about david bowie for at least half an hour

 **gayrard:** yep that sounds like me

 **dallyo:** all i remember is sitting in a little drug circle with pete frank and mikey

 **patdaddy:** so u dont remember confessing to me that u still really like brendon   
and ur sad all the time without him  
and u lowkey hate billie for "stealing" him

 **dallyo:** nope  
also shut up

 **once-ler:** well  
ok then  
thats just gr8

 **josh the living meme:** why dont we just add billie and brendon back and straight up ask them whats going on

 **tricycle:** wow josh ur so clever omg   
its not like they would lie or anything

 **josh the living meme:** eat me

 **tricycle:** sure  
im into vore ;)))

 **patdaddy:** ok tre is banned from saying anything ever again

 **taylor:** i have a better idea  
add billie and ask him where theyve been and what theyve been doing  
and then add brendon and ask him the same questions

 **corn mom:** ooh  
i like that plan

 **once-ler:** i feel like we're gonna uncover some deep secret 

 **franko:** its chill  
they probably just hooked up again and they dont want us to know

 **crikey:** idk  
last night brendon did look kind of freaked out about something

 **corn mom:** so did billie 

 **josh the living meme:** maybe they tried out some konky stuff and it fucked them both up

 **taylor:** "konky"

 **gayrard:** donkey kong

 **dallyo:** kinky dong

 **tricycle:** donkey kong is hella ripped 10/10 would smash  
he's so strong yet so gentle 

 **patdaddy:** tre u have 1 more chance  
if u say something else inappropriate i will remove u

 **tricycle:** buddy  
my whole vocabulary is inappropriate 

 **once-ler:** tre u cant fuck a monkey 

 **dallyo:** why are we talking about monekys what

 **crikey:** because of donkey kong

 **dallyo:** what

 **crikey:** donkey kong is a monkey 

 **corn mom:** so when are we beginning The Questioning™

 **dallyo:** donkey kong isnt a monkey hes a donkey what the hell mikey

 **once-ler:** dal...  
jus go back to sleep ur brain is still frazzled from whatever illegal substances u consumed last night

 **gayrard:** since when is donkey kong a donkey

 **corn mom:** guys please

 **dallyo:** well his name literally says donkey so

 **jason:** he quite clearly is a monkey  
look

_**jason sent a photo to MENA** _

**__crikey:** UH PETE THAT DOESSNT LOOK LIKE A MONKEY

 **jason:** OH DEAR LORD WRONG PHOTO I AM SO SORRY

 **taylor:** THATS HIGHLY DISTURBING 

 **jason:** IM SORRY OMG  
ah fuck it u guys have seen my dick before anyway

 **patdaddy:** so much second hand embarrassment i want to fling myself into space

 **corn mom:** this conversation is amazing but can we please do soemething productive now 

 **josh the living meme:** actually i think donkey kong is an ape   
not a monkey

 **once-ler:** theyre literally the same thing

 **tricycle:** Ape, noun. A large primate that lacks a tail, including the gorilla, chimpanzees, orangutan, and gibbons.  
Monkey, noun. A small to medium-sized primate that typically has a long tail, most kinds of which live in trees in tropical countries.  
so no ryan they are not the same thing

 **gayrard:** check ur facts 

 **once-ler:** oh my god  
the point of this is that tre cannot fuck a monkey or an ape or even godzilla 

 **dallyo:** godzilla has NOTHING to do with donkey kong what the hell

 **once-ler:** well hes still a monkey

 **corn mom:** i would love it if we could all F O C U S plz

 **taylor:** godzilla has never been a monkey  
ryan are u ok

 **josh the living meme:** i just told yall he's an APE not a MONKEY

 **crikey:** GODZILLA IS A HUGE ASS LIZARD   
NOT A MONKEY OR AN APE

 **once-ler:** I FUCKED UP  
I GOT GODZILLA CONFUSED WITH HONG KONG  
OH MY GOD

 **patdaddy:** why are u bringing hong kong into this im-

 **once-ler:** seriously patrick  
hong kong: the giant monkey thing from the movies

 **tricycle:** technically hong kong is a gorilla

 **patdaddy:** HONG KONG IS A COUNTRY U FUCKING IDIOTS

 **once-ler:** KING KONG  
I MEANT KING KONG

 **josh the living meme:** repeat after me kiddos  
hong kong is a COUNTRY king kong is a GORILLA and donkey kong is an APE and godzilla is a LESBIAN  
*LIZARD OHMYGOD

 **gayrard:** GODZILLA IS A LESBIAN IM CRYIJNG

 **taylor:** hong kong isnt even a country its in china...  
and godzilla is a dinosaur not a lizard

 **corn mom:** im so close to just giving up on u guys

 **once-ler:** ANYWAY MY POINT IS   
IS THAT TRE CANNOT FUCK HONG KONG OR DONKEY KONG OR KING KONG OR GODZILLA BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT REAL

 **tricycle:** bitch just watch me

 **franko:** no thank you

 **dallyo:** "hong kong isnt real" - ryan ross 2018

 **once-ler:** shu the fuck up u thought donkey kong was a donkey

 **dallyo:** IT LITERALLY SAYS IT IN HIS NAME

 **gayrard:** now are we  _really_ sure donkey kong is male

 **corn mom:** i give up  
i'll leave u guys to it


	137. The Fish Wars 2: Last Fish Standing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, an idiot: makes 20 different tumblrs and forgets/deletes every single one.  
> My new one is redd-xn if anyone is interested..

**jason:** PATRICK CAN U CALL MY MOM PLS

 **patdaddy:** no

 **jason:** PLEASE I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN

 **patdaddy:** again, no

 **jason:** FINE   
CAN SOMEONE ELSE CALL MY MOM PLS

 **crikey:** call her yourself u fuck

 **jason:** I CANT

 **franko:** ur on ur phone right now as we speak

 **jason:** YES BUT SHE BLOCKED MY NUMBER

 **franko:** why doesnt that surprise me

 **jason:** PLEASE JUST SOMEONE CALL MY MOTHER 

 **taylor:** please stop typing in all caps its making my brain think theres Fresh Drama™

 **jason:** I WILL STOP THE CAPITALS WHEN SOMEBODY CALLS MY MOTHER

 **once-ler:** oh my GOD i'll call her if you shut the fuck up

 **jason:** THANCC

 **once-ler:** wait why am i calling her

 **jason:** I THINK MY LEG IS BROKEN

 **patdaddy:** oh my god how  
what have u done

 **jason:** BRENDON BET ME I COULDNT RIDE HEELYS DOWN A SKATE RAMP  
SO I BET HIM I COULD  
BUT HE WAS CORRECT I COULD NOT RIDE HEELYS DOWN A SKATE RAMP

 **dallyo:** why are u with brendon

 **corn mom:** a more important question: is he still acting shady  
OH SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED I WAS SUPPOSED TO ADD MIKE BACK LIKE 3 HOURS AGO HAH FUCK

 

 

 **\- corn mom** added  **micycle** to  **MENA**

 

 

 **micycle:** wow ray i didnt know it takes 3 hours to add someone back into a chat

 **corn mom:** shup ut

 **micycle:** ok i will shup ut

 **tricycle:** mike i missed u omg

 **micycle:** tre ur at my house right now

 **tricycle:** no need to be rude about it

 **dallyo:** stop interrupting i need to know why petes with brendon

 **micycle:** petes with brendon?  
why  
is billie there  
whats going on

 **corn mom:** peter listen  
is brendon still acting weird

 **jason:** guys my leg is very likely broken and all u care about is brendon  
im hurt

 **josh the living meme:** not to distract anyone but mikey just died

 **patdaddy:** again?

 **gayrard:** oh god i almost forgot that we faked mikeys death to get back at pete

 **jason:** that wasnt very nice at all

 **micycle:** what do u mean "mikey just died"

 **dallyo:** literally or just on the inside?

 **josh the living meme:** literally  
he just full on died  
he dead

 **crikey:** uhh im not dead ?

 **josh the living meme:** not u dick biscuit  
i meant my fish mikey

 **taylor:** omg i forgot about all the fish u bought  
how did mikey die

 **josh the living meme:** i think frank ate him  
im not really sure

 **once-ler:** damn franks into some kinky shit

 **tricycle:** vore me daddy

 **patdaddy:** please... stop

 **josh the living meme:** oh my god   
pete is attacking tyler  
U STOP THAT  
oh no 

 **gayrard:** what?

 **josh the living meme:** I TRIED TO GET PETE AWAY FROM TYLER BUT I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED PETE AND NOW TYLER IS BLEEDING EVERYWHERE  
KJHGF RYAN IS TRYING TO EAT PETES DEAD BODY  
STOP IT NO 

 **micycle:** josh u shouldnt be trusted to have fish

 **jason:** so i break my leg and then josh kills me  
today isnt going so well

 **corn mom:** pete how was brendon acting

 **jason:** idk  
he was acting normal i guess  
well not really normal because he never acts normal but he wasnt acting any weirder than usual

 **micycle:** was billie there too

 **jason:** obviously  
he's pretty much surgically attached to brendon at this point

 **crikey:** i have the weirdest mental image right now

 **patdaddy:** why is my name still patdaddy

 **tricycle:** did u only just realize that

 **jason:** i'll fix it

 

 

 **\- jason** changed  **patdaddy's** name to  **pancake stamp**

 

 

 **pancake stamp:** this is... something

 **jason:**  ryan did u even speak to my mom

 **once-ler:** oh yeah right  
first of all i had to explain who i was and she was like "ohhh... so /ur/ ryan" peter explain what have u told her about me

 **jason:** nothing u can prove

 **once-ler:**...  
whatever  
so i told her ur leg is probably broken and she asked why and i said "brendon-"   
but then the call cut out so im pretty sure she thinks brendon broke your leg

 **jason:**  so u didnt say anything about my heelys

 **once-ler:**  no

 **jason:**  ok good she doesnt like my heelys at all she thinks theyre dangerous

 **pancake stamp:**  a smart lady

 

 

 **\- dallyo**  added  **beebo** to  **MENA**

 

 

 **dallyo:**  congratulations on breaking petes leg

 **beebo:**  i did not

 **once-ler:**  i told his mom u did

 **beebo:**  o

 **corn mom:** hey brendon i need to ask u some questions

 **beebo:** ok  
sure

 **corn mom:** question 1: where do u and billie keep disappearing to?

 **beebo:** my house  
why

 **corn mom:**  i ask the questions u just answer them  
queston 2: what do u do at ur house?

 **beebo:** nothing sexual if thats what ur thinking   
we just hang out and do normal things??

 **corn mom:** question 3: why were u acting so weird on billies birthday?

 **beebo:** we were both really sick

 **corn mom:** final question: are u lying to me?

 **beebo:** no wth

 **corn mom:** ok good  
i need u to leave for a sec

 

 

 **\- corn mom** removed  **beebo** from  **MENA**

 

 

 **\- corn mom** added  **bicycle** to  **MENA**

 

 

 **gayrard:** i missed the gremlin

 **micycle:** me too

 **bicycle:** [etes on the floor and im laughing so hard im about to cough up my lungs

 **pancake stamp:** [ete

 **crikey:** [ete [entz

 **josh the living meme:** IM SUCH A BAD PARENT I TRIED TO STOP RYAN FROM EATING PETES LIFELESS BODY BUT HE BIT ME SO I SHOOK MY HAND AND KNOCKED THE TANK OVER AN I ACCIDENTALLY STOOD ON TRE AND FELL OVER AND I WAS TRYING TO PUT THEM ALL BACK BUT RYAN KEEPS BITING ME

 **bicycle:** did i miss something or..?

 **taylor:** hes talking about his fish btw

 **josh the living meme:** RYAN BIT ME RLLY HARD HE HAS SO MANY TEETH HELP ME  
NO PATRICKS DYING WHAT THE HELL  
i CRYING

 **dallyo:** The Fish Wars 2: Last Fish Standing

 **franko:** fish dont have legs they cant stand

 **dallyo:** u dont have legs

 **franko:** thats because you stole my share of leg  
begone thief

 **corn mom:** billieboy  
can i ask u some stuff

 **bicycle:** why

 **corn mom:** no questions

 **bicycle:** ok i guess  
im hella suspicious btw

 **corn mom:** question 1: where do u and brendon keep disappearing to?

 **bicycle:** we hang out at my house because its empty again

 **once-ler:** std??

 **bicycle:** he disappeared again  
idk where he is

 **corn mom:** right..  
question 2: what do u do at ur house?

 **bicycle:** do u rlly wants me to answer that?

 **corn mom:** yes

 **bicycle:** we do The Sex™

 **corn mom:** okay  
question 3: why were u both acting so weird on ur birthday?

 **bicycle:** godamn how many questions are there  
we had a mini fight it was nothing

 **corn mom:** and final question: are u lying to me?

 **bicycle:** no ray i am not lying to u  
yall know i dont keep secrets anymore

 **pancake stamp:** this is so tense omg

 

 

 **\- corn mom** added  **beebo** to  **MENA**

 

 

 **corn mom:** which one of u is lying

 **beebo:** what  
no one   
we didnt do anything  
leave us alone

 **bicycle:** no ones lying ray omg

 **corn mom:** answer this one question at the same time ok  
where do u keep disappearing to

 **beebo:** my house

 **bicycle:** my house

 **dallyo:** oh

 **micycle:** hmmm

 **beebo:** haha shit i meant we go to billies house

 **bicycle:** yeah uh i meant weve been at brendons house

 **pancake stamp:** this is getting worse and worse dear lord

 **beebo:** FUCK I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

 **bicycle:** BRENDON NO U KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN

 

 

 **\- bicycle** removed  **beebo** from  **MENA**

 

 

 **bicycle:** FROM NOW ON ME AND BRENDON ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR UR HELLISH QUESTIONS OK  
ALL OF U FUCK OFF AND LEAVE US ALONE

 

 

 **\- bicycle** left  **MENA**

 

 

 **tricycle:** well shit

 **josh the living meme:** RYANS DEAD AND M TRYNG TO KEEP IT TOGETHER BUT MIKE AND DALLON ARE FIGHTING AND GERARD HAS NO TAIL LEFT

 **crikey:** this is a psa: josh is never allowed to have children

 **jason:** my leg is still broken btw...


	138. he was as dead as ms keisha

**\- gayrard** renamed the group  **lemon party v.3**

 

 

 **gayrard:** everyone come 2 my house immediately

 **franko:** oh my god  
oH mY gOd  
OH MY GOD

 **jason:**???

 **crikey:** YESSSSSS

 

 **josh the living meme:** IM EXCITED AS HECK

 **once-ler:** i hope i dont die this time

 **pancake stamp:** wait what

 **corn mom:** IM SO READY FOR THIS

 **micycle:** do we actually need lemon tho

 **gayrard:** uh yah its tradition???  
we are NOT having a repeat of last time tho  
so no pumpkins/peanut butter/grapefruits/cheese/sour patch kids/coconuts/opatto

 **franko:** opatto

 **gayrard:** fuck  
**potato

 **jason:** whats going on

 **micycle:** OH MY GOD PATRICK AND PETE DONT KNOW

 **tricycle:** SCANDALOUS 

 **pancake stamp:** do i even want to know

 **gayrard:** it all started back in october 2016  
we all got suspended to show our support to billie mike and brendon who got arrested and suspended for breaking into the principals office to steal mikeys phone back

 **jason:** i heard about that omg

 **pancake stamp:** this story is out of control already

 **corn mom:** it gets worse

 **pancake stamp:** o god

 **gayrard:** my "sleepover" turned into a lemon party  
meaning everyone had to bring 12 lemon to my house to get in

 **jason:** sounds Lit™

 **crikey:** it was

 **dallyo:** also that was my first night as a member of The Squad™

 **franko:** yes but u werent invited were u

 **dallyo:** no and im still offended about that

 **gayrard:** forward to september 2017  
it was tyler josh and ryans first time   
but ryan was bitching that he was "allergic" to lemons

 **jason:** is that eveb a real allergy

 **once-ler:** yes.

 **taylor:** he used punctuation  
ooh

 **gayrard:** so people started to bring other food items like coconuts and peanut butter and potatoes 

 **pancake stamp:** and ur parents just let this happen?

 **crikey:** yes  
our mom even let brendon bring his shopping cart full of 15 pumpkins inside

 **pancake stamp:** wilf  
wild*

 **tricycle:** wilf=wendigo i'd like to fuck

 **micycle:** tre no

 **gayrard:** some people still brought lemons tho and at one point frank threw one at ryan  
and well ... he died

 **pancake stamp:** he  
what  
he died  
like..  
died as in dead?

 **josh the living meme:** yup  
he was as dead as ms keisha

 **jason:** I JUST HONKED OUT LOUD JOSJ OMG

 **josh the living meme:** "josj"

 **franko:** ACTUALLY gerard he didnt die until billie threw fucking 15 lemons at his face

 **corn mom:** petition to keep billie on a leash at all times

 **once-ler:** signed

 **taylor:** so yeah thats the story   
and now we're having another lemon party  
u guys in?

 **jason:** let me see if it meets my criteria  
murder - yes  
food - yes  
im in

 **pancake stamp:** uh  
i guess?

 **corn mom:** this is gonna be sick

 **dallyo:** how many lemons do we need this year

 **once-ler:** how about 0

 **gayrard:** 1 lemon each to lower the risk of ryan dying again

 **once-ler:** im coming to ur house in a giant hamster ball so no one can touch me

 **dallyo:** uh rude

 **once-ler:** u can come in my hamster ball with me

 **dallyo:** <3

 **corn mom:** i cannot figure u 2 out at all ..

 **gayrard:** everyone come to my house!!!!

 **tricycle:** OH WHOA I GOTTA CALL BILLIE  
wait billie is allowed to come right

 **gayrard:** im not sure if i fully trust him

 **micycle:** if billie doesnt come neither do me and tre

 **dallyo:** i thought u hate billie

 **micycle:** i tried  
i cant  
idc if we're just friends or whatever im just physically incapable of hating him for longer than a week

 **taylor:** thats actually very sweet aw

 **micycle:** the only thing im pissed about is how he completely abandoned me for brendon  
that kinda hurts

 **crikey:** r.i.p 

 **josh the living meme:** is brendon coming

 **gayrard:** if he wants to

 **corn mom:** good this gives me a chance to find out whats going on

 

 

 **\- tricycle** added  **bicycle** to  **lemon party v.3**

 

 

 **\- tricycle** added  **beebo** to  **lemon party v.3**

 

 

 **tricycle:** YOU GUYS ITS HAPPENING

 **beebo:** IM READY

 **bicycle:** aw yISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
how many lemons do i bring

 **once-ler:** one (1)  
if u bring anymore than one (1)  
i will shank u myself

 **bicycle:** sorry for killing u last time

 **crikey:** im surprised more of us arent murderers yet  
i was sure tre would kill someone by now

 **tricycle:** im mildy offended 

 **micycle:** u know what shocks me?  
the fact that brendon hasnt killed anyone yet

 **beebo:** what  
i would never kill someone  
what the fuck  
i couldnt ever kill someone omg  
murder is illegal  
i would NEVER   
how can u guys think i would KILL someone  
im not a murderer ok im not   
killing people is wrong and i know that  
ive never killed anyone ever in my life 

 **dallyo:** damn whats up with u today

 **beebo:** WHATS UP WITH ME?  
WHATS UP WITH YOU  
WHY DO U NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME  
LEAVE ME ALONE

 **bicycle:** bren  
please calm down

 **pancake stamp:** i was gonna say something like *pretends to be shocked that brendon is acting weird*  
but im genuinely shocked becayse hes acting W E I R D

 **beebo:** NO IM NOT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING LEAVE ME ALONE

 **bicycle:** BRENDON NO ONE IS ACCUSING U OF ANYTHING PLEASE  S T O P

 **gayrard:** can we maybe not start arguing  
lemon party v.3 lets go

 **once-ler:** reminder: if anyones lemon touches me i am prepared to kill


	139. i would like to buy 2 whole foreskin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY

**crikey:** frank just punched gerard for saying oof out loud

 **micycle:** i fully support franks decision 

 **franko:** thank u

 **gayrard:** ouch

 **dallyo:** tyler and josh are sharing cereal out of a bucket someone stop them

 **taylor:** well we had a bowl but pete filled it up with water so he could put ryans hand in it

 **once-ler:** its not gonna work dumbass

 **jason:** why not

 **once-ler:** maybe because im awake?????

 **pancake stamp:** PETE NO YOU CANT DO THAT

 **once-ler:** PETE I WILL KICK U

 **tricycle:** did pete really just tip water over ryan

 **jason:** yes i did

 **tricycle:** not sorry for interrupting  
are u all ready????

 **corn mom:**... for what?

 **tricycle:** for drisella kokane

 **crikey:** no one is doing cocaine in my house

 **tricycle:** shut up mikey  
me and frank spent hours perfcting this

 **micycle:** holy shit

 **josh the living meme:** oh my god

 **bicycle:** the whole world is shooketh

 **dallyo:** is that  
brendon  
in  
drag

 **franko:** yes it is

 **dallyo:** wpsjdbc  
i cant   
i need to go outside  
i need air  
ohhh boy

 **once-ler:** wow dallon anyone would think u have a crush on brendon or something

 **corn mom:** ryan ur staring

 **once-ler:** no im not shut up

 **beebo:** not to brag but im so fucken beautiful 

 **bicycle:** yes u are <3

 **micycle:** hey no dont agree with him

 **gayrard:** dallon wyd dont climb out the window  
use the door ya damn animal

 **dallyo:** that would mean i havw to walk past brendon  
i dont think i can do that 

 **pancake stamp:** goddamn teenagers 

 **beebo:** im flattered that u guys agree that i look hella fine  
but this dress is really tight so im gonna take it off now

 **bicycle:** the tighter the better ;)))

 **taylor:** billie no

 **tricycle:** u can say the same thing about assholes ;)))))))

 **taylor:** trE NO

 **crikey:** and vaginas ;)))))))))))))

 **taylor:** MIKEY NO  
EVERYONE NO  
NO

 **bicycle:** sooo  
who wants to come out on the roof? i have foreworks 

 **micycle:** foreworks

 **josh the living meme:** foreskin

 **franko:** what i want some foreskin  
fireworks*   
fuck

 **jason:** i would like to buy 2 whole foreskin

 **gayrard:** I JUTS REMEMBERED   
HOW COULD I FORGET IT??

 **corn mom:** uhh what

 **gayrard:** durr hburr im a fureman 

 **bicycle:** THATS MY LINE

 **tricycle:** OH I REMEMBER THAT  
DURR HBURR IM A FUREMAN

 **josh the living meme:** im very confused?

 **taylor:** me too

 **once-ler:** same

 **pancake stamp:** and me

 **jason:** wait it says durr hburr im a fureman on the bathroom wall at school

 **dallyo:** yea i wrote that there  
billie said i had to or he would kick me out of the squad

 **micycle:** billie thats not nice

 **taylor:** can someone maybe explain what durr hburr im a fureman even means

 **crikey:** its an old legend  
u had to have been there really

 **bicycle:** anyway lets go light fireworks now

 **jason:** can i light one inside   
because my leg is kind of broken so no climbing onto roofs for me

 **crikey:** no pete wtf

 **gayrard:** yes just hold it out the window

 **crikey:** gerard ur supposed to be the older one here

 **gayrard:** shut up u hoe

 **beebo:** haha shit someone help  
please  
now

 **once-ler:** why

 **beebo:** i cant get this fucking dress off   
PETE I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING

 **jason:** check ur facts sweaty that wasnt me

 **pancake stamp:** dont lie to him pete ur literally on the floor crying

 **micycle:** billie go help your boyfriend

 **bicycle:** not my boyfriend 

 **corn mom:** thats the only explanation we have for why u disappear together so much tho

 **beebo:** trust me thats a whole other thing

 **bicycle:** BRENDON SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW  
YOU ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH

 **beebo:** HOW?????????/  
I SAID 6 WORDS

 **bicycle:** 7  
YOU SAID 7 WORDS

 **franko:** can we uhhhhhh play with foreskin now  
*FIREWORKS OH MY GOD

 **tricycle:** frank plays with foreskin confirmed

 **franko:** shut up tre u probably eat foreskin 


	140. lengthy foot man

**tricycle:** u know whats weird

 **micycle:** what

 **tricycle:** i have no memory of ryan existing before he got added to the chat

 **once-ler:** wait what

 **tricycle:** idk  
its like u just.. didnt exist before

 **once-ler:** i promise i did

 **tricycle:** sure jan

 **pancake stamp:**  i regret to inform u that billie and brendon are at it again

 **jason:** dont say it like that it makes it sound like thyre fucking

 **pancake stamp:** pete we're in school how would they be fucking

 **gayrard:** oh patrick  
so innocent 

 **dallyo:** what do u think everyone uses the gross grafitti bathroom for  
spoiler alert: not for going to the bathroom

 **pancake stamp:** whatever  
what i mean is  
billie and brendon are up to some weird shit again

 **josh the living meme:** oh yeah i saw that too

 **micycle:** what are they doing  
wait i dont care  
yes i do   
no  
fuck off

 **tricycle:** mike chill

 **micycle:** im chill  
but seriosuly what are they doing

 **pancake stamp:** well for one brendon has tape over his mouth  
and a whiteboard around his neck  
and the whiteboard says "if u have any questions please contact billie joe armstrong"

 **dallyo:** sounds... sexual

 **bicycle:** it is not

 **taylor:** then what is it

 **bicycle:** brendon is a fucking idiot so i banned him from ever speaking again unless i say he can

 **beebo:** but im still allowed to text   
right?

 **bicycle:** for now

 **crikey:** so  
i have something to tell u guys

 **jason:** ooh

 **once-ler:** did u fuck another teacher

 **crikey:** no  
oh my god are u still not over that

 **once-ler:** i saw a whole vagono of course im not over it

 **crikey:** and u still cant spell vagina?

 **taylor:** mikey not to be a dramatic bitch but its been so dry lately u better deliver 

 **corn mom:** im sure its not even important 

 **crikey:** yes it is

 **corn mom:** is it really  
do u have to tell everyone

 **crikey:** yes

 **corn mom:** but y tho

 **gayrard:** can this wait?  
i dont have anything else to do i just dont care

 **franko:** yall im snorting  
i asked brendon if he wanted to come over later and he said yes so billie slapped him for speaking 

 **bicycle:** he needs to learn

 **beebo:** stop it   
its dumb

 **bicycle:** i'll stop when u stop mentioning /that/

 **beebo:** everyones gonna find out at some point

 **bicycle:** i will slap u again if u continue 

 **josh the living meme:** so mikey  
what juicy gossip do u have

 **taylor:** never say that again

 **josh the living meme:** juicy gossip

 **taylor:** blocked

 **crikey:** so   
u may have noticed i do not have a significant other

 **jason:** because u look like a shrimp 

 **pancake stamp:** pete no

 **dallyo:** hey some people like shrimp

 **once-ler:** do u like shrimp?

 **dallyo:** hell no  
shrimp are gross

 **gayrard:** tahts not very nice  
think of mikeys feelings

 **micycle:** godamn dallon ur so mean

 **dallyo:** pete started it

 **taylor:** are u 12

 **dallyo:** on a scale of 1-10 yes

 **beebo:** ur acting so weird today

 **dallyo:** im acting like u

 **beebo:** sweaty no

 **bicycle:** brendon its time to shut up now

 **beebo:**????  
I WASNT EVEN TALKING ABOUT /THAT/

 **bicycle:** nO BUT U ARE NOW

 **tricycle:** seriously   
where was ryan before he got added  
i dont remember him AT ALL

 **once-ler:** i was alwasy here????

 **tricycle:** lies from the devil 

 **franko:** im with tre  
ryan wasnt real 

 **once-ler:** what  
im  
wHAT?

 **bicycle:** lmao do u remember that time we got tyler high and convinced him that josh wasnt real?

 **josh the living meme:** that wasnt funny

 **bicycle:** yes it was

 **micycle:** im with billie  
it was hilarious 

 **pancake stamp:** i gotta ask  
do u hate billie or not? because i cant figure this out at all

 **micycle:** i dont hate him  
im choosing to ignore whatever hes doing with brendon because it wont last  
brendon cant handle mature relationships 

 **dallyo:** yikes  
drag him mike

 **beebo:** whAT T HE FUCK  
WHAT DID I DO TO YOU??

 **bicycle:** i will literally take ur phone if u keep talking

 **beebo:** bitch just fucking try it

 **bicycle:** bITCH I WILL

 **beebo:** BITCH FINE

 **crikey:** guys  
can i tell u my thing now

 **corn mom:** mikey no shut up

 **tricycle:** hey i wanna know

 **crikey:** thanks tre  
anyway  
so ur all probably wondering why ive never had a proper boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever

 **jason:** is it because u have weird feet

 **gayrard:** im gonna choke pete why

 **crikey:** I DONT HAVE WEIRD FEET

 **jason:** u do  
theyre so,, Long

 **dallyo:** lengthy foot man

 **crikey:** STOP TALKNG ABOUT MY FEET THEYRE FINE  
LISTEN TO ME

 **once-ler:** did u impregnate a female 

 **franko:** ew gross  
children

 **bicycle:** BRENDON HIT ME WITH HIS WHITEBOARD AND IT REALLY HURT

 **beebo:** LEAVE ME ALONE

 **bicycle:** STOP RUNNING AWAY 

 **beebo:** GO AWAY U HECKING GREMLIN 

 **bicycle:** BRENDON NO COME BACK

 **beebo:** HES TRYING TO SNATCH MY FIRST BORN

 **corn mom:** weave=snatched 

 **micycle:** ive been doing some thinking and i strongly believe that ryan did in fact Not Exist before this chat

 **once-ler:** what

 **micycle:** i dont remember seeing u anywhere 

 **once-ler:** thats gr8

 **pancake stamp:** brendon just ran into my class someone contain him

 **beebo:** shut up im hiding from the fucking gremlin thats chasing, me

 **crikey:** im just going to pretend yall are listening  
i have a boyfriedn 

 **gayrard:** what the fuck  
where  
who  
how  
what   
do i know him  
IS HE IN THIS CHAT  
IS IT TRE? I DONT APPROVE AT ALL  
ojdhbc is it pete  
MIKEY U CANNOT DATE PETE

 **jason:** its not me wtf

 **tricycle:** its not me either

 **once-ler:** is it another weird feet shrimp boy

 **crikey:** ryan shut the fuck up u didnt even exist before this chat  
yes hes in this chat

 **taylor:** ITS RAY ISNT IT  
I FUCKINGKNEW IT OMG  
JOSH WE WERE RIGHT  
MIKEY ABD RAY

 **corn mom:** hi  
yes its me  
gerard im dating ur brother

 **gayrard:** gross  
dont touch his feet theyre weird

 **crikey:** I DONT HAVE WEIRD FEET SHUT  UP

 **franko:** congratulations use protection 

 **micycle:** awW   
im crying  
BILLIE GUESS WHAT

 **bicycle:**????

 **micycle:** ray/mikey is real

 **bicycle:** OMG  
AW  
I STAN IT

 **corn mom:** i thought u guys would roast us a whole lot more but this is... nice

 **josh the living meme:** ur so hecking gay 

 **dallyo:** our next mission: getting tre into a normal relationship 

 **tricycle:** no thank u  
im happy hooking up with random older men

 **jason:** well..  
whatever butters your eggroll

 **pancake stamp:** pete that isnt how the saying goes

 **jason:** that is how the saying goes

 

 

 

 

 


	141. EAT MY DEEP FRIED ASSHOLE RYAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Great Secret™ is out i am so sorry

 

 **\- bicycle** changed their name to  **uno**

 

 

 **tricycle:** i do not like this

 **uno:** cmon u hoes u have to do it with me or itll look dumb

 **tricycle:** but i feel a deep connection with tricycle 

 **uno:** idc  
change it

 **micycle:** we must appease our goblin overlord 

 **uno:** thank u michael

 

 

 **\- micycle** changed their name to  **dos**

 

 

 **\- tricycle** changed their name to  **tre**

 

 

 **tre:** this is literally just my name   
billie why do ur ideas always suck

 **uno:** fist me u whore  
*fight me  
o no

 **dos:** fist me

 **tre:** fist me

 **pancake stamp:** do u three have no chill at all  
its literally 6;30am

 **beebo:** if billie mike and tre get matching nicknames i feel like me ryan and dallon should too

 **dallyo:** no

 **once-ler:** yes

 **dallyo:** no

 **once-ler:** dont be boring

 **dallyo:** me and ryan get matching nicknames  
brendon doesnt 

 **beebo:** hey thats rude

 **dallyo:** u can go be matching with billie

 **beebo:** fine

 

 

 **\- beebo** changed their name to  **dos**

 

 

 **dos:** CHANGE IT BACK THATS MY NAME

 **dos:** its mine now 

 **tre:** i need to lay down this is tripping me out 

 **uno:** this is greatly amusing me   
thank u guys

 **dos:** we should ask billie who he wants as his dos

 **dos:** well its obviously gonna be me?? weve been best friends for 84 years

 **dos:** yes but i have shared trauma with him

 **uno:** BRENDON NO 

 **once-ler:** hmm  
what "shared trauma"

 **uno:** NOTHING  
THERES NO SHARED TRAUMA  
GO BACK TO FIGHTING OVER WHO GETS TO BE MY DOS

 **dos:** ME  
i had the name first anyway

 **dos:** hey billie if i dont get to be ur dos i'll tell the entire chat what we did

 **dallyo:** matching nicknames was a bad idea lets not

 **uno:** mike im sorry but brendons my dos

 **dos:** WHAT EH FUCK TAHT NIT FAIR

 **dos:** get rekt bitchhhhhhhhh

 **dos:** im not changing my name

 **dos:** well neither am i

 **taylor:** what the hell has been going on in here

 **dos:** BRENDON STOLE MY NAME

 **dos:** its better on me anyway

 

 

 **\- once-ler** changed their name to  **uno**

 

 

 **pancake stamp:** ryan no

 **uno:** ryan yes

 

 

 **\- dallyo** changed their name to  **uno**

 

 

 **uno:** dallon no wtf ur supposed to be tre

 **uno:** but im quite clearly number 1 so 

 **uno:** BOTH OF U CHANGE IT BACK ITS MY NAME 

 **dos:** oh how the tables have turnd

 **dos:** BRENDON GO AWAY

 **dos:** U GO AWAY U  THOT

 **uno:** RYAN AND DALLON IF U DONT CHANGE UR NAMES I WILL BITE U

 

 

 **\- jason** changed their name to  **tre**

 

 

 **tre:** PETE NO

 **tre:** hello friend

 **corn mom:** i feel like im intruding on something??

 **pancake stamp:** maybe no one should change their names

 **uno:** I CHANGED MINE FIRST I GET TO KEEP IT

 **uno:** but how do we know thats rlly u

 **dos:** petition to launch brendon into the sun for his crimes

 **dos:** petition to launch mike into the sun for being a salty hoe

 **tre:** pete full offence but go away

 **tre:** no

 **taylor:** hey josh should we make things worse

 **josh the living meme:** obviously 

 

 

 **- taylor** changed their name to  **dos**

 

 

 **\- josh the living meme** changed their name to  **tre**

 

 

 **dos:** NO STOP 

 **pancake stamp:** why can we not have nice things

 **crikey:** its too early for this pls do not

 **franko:** what the fuck did i miss whoa  
hang on

 

 

 **\- franko** changed their name to  **uno**

 

 

 **uno:** gerard u have to do it too

 **gayrard:** uh why

 **uno:** FRANK FUCK OFF

 **uno:** SHUT THE FUCK UP RYAN IT WAS MY NAME FIRST

 **uno:** IM NOT EVEN RYAN???

 **uno:** oh boy

 **gayrard:** im so confused 

 **uno:** change ur name

 **gayrard:** question: will i get punched 

 **dos:** if u change it to dos yes u will

 **gayrard:** k

 

 

 **\- gayrard** changed their name to  **tre**

 

 

 **tre:** GERARD WHAT NO  
HOW COULD U BETRAY ME

 **tre:** IMS ORRY

 **dos:** i actually regret this now

 **dos:** good  
u should  
u thief

 **dos:** ur a thief too 

 **dos:** ur jealous billie wanted me as his dos

 **uno:** I ONLY SAID YES BECAUSE U WERE GONNA TELL THEM

 **corn mom:** TELL US WHAT??

 **uno:** NOTHING

 

 **crikey:** I WILL DEACTIVATE THIS ENTIRE CHAT IF U GUYS DONT STOP RIGHT FUCKING NOW

 

 

 **\- corn mom** changed their name to  **dos**

 

 

 **crikey:** sowihdughpuiPIGYOnaolO  
RAY WHY

 **dos:** there was 1 less dos and it was bugging me ok im sorry

 **uno:** this is the last time i suggest matching nicknames   
this is a fucking disaster 

 **tre:** okay ive had enough of this goodbye

 

 

 **\- tre** changed their name to  **spooky jim**

 

 

 **crikey:** what

 **spooky jim:** idk it just feels right

 **dos:** yes lets all copy josh and change our names

 **dos:** im keeping dos

 **dos:** BRENDON LITERALLY FUCK OFF

 **dos:** HOW DO U KNOW ITS ME

 **dos:** BECAUSE UR SO FUCKING IRRITATING 

 **uno:** if brendon gets to keep dos im keeping uno

 **uno:** NO IM KEEPING UNO I HAD IT FIRST

 **tre:** if billie doesnt change i dont change

 **tre:** i shouldnt have to change mine its literally my name  
BUT  
i will be mature and hopefully inspire the masses

 

 

 **\- tre** changed their name to  **uno**

 

 

 **uno:** tRE NO

 **dos:** tre ur literally just making things worse now

 **uno:** yup thats what i do best

 

 

 **\- uno** changed their name to  **tre**

 

 

 **tre:** i changed my mind im not abandoning tre

 **dos:** that was a trip

 

 

 **\- uno** changed  **uno's** nickname to  **goblin overlord**

 

 

 **goblin overlord:** WHICH ONE OF U FUCKS DID THAT

 **uno:** dallon

 **uno:** ryan

 **uno:** fuck off

 **uno:** no u

 **dos:** its ok billie we dont need these losers

 

 

 **\- dos** changed their name to  **mork**

 

 

 **dos:** haHA FUCKER THAT MEANS I GET TO KEEP DOS

 **mork:** nope

 

 

 **\- mork** changed  **dos's** nickname to  **brendon is a rat**

 

 

 **brendon is a rat:** :(

 **goblin overlord:** im forever gonna be salty about this

 **uno:** ur salty about everything 

 **goblin overlord:** EAT MY DEEP FRIED ASSHOLE RYAN

 **uno:** THAT WAS DALLON NOT ME

 **uno:** IT WAS FRANK ACTUALLY 

 **uno:** ya it was me

 

 

 **\- uno** changed their name to  **frnk**

 

 

 **goblin overlord:** THANK U FRANK  
u will be spared

 **frnk:** thank

 **crikey:** i cant believe u guys caused a whole ass argument over this????

 **mork:** brendon started it

 **brendon is a rat:** shut up mike ur just mad that billie hangs out with me more than u 

 **mork:** im not mad i just dont understand why

 **brendon is a rat:** shared trauma

 **goblin overlord:** SHUT UP BRENDON JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

 **mork:** WHAT SHARED TRAUMA  
WHAT THE HELL DID U DO

 **brendon is a rat:** first of all IT WAS SELF DEFENCE u have to remember that

 **goblin overlord:** brendon do not

 **brendon is a rat:** listen  
we kept this secret for a long ass time im so proud of us  
but its time

 **spooky jim:** do we actually want to know though

 **dos:** uh yeah obviously??

 **spooky jim:** tyler change ur name its confusing me

 

 

 **\- dos** changed their name to  **tyjo**

 

 

 **tyjo:** happy?

 **spooky jim:** yes

 **goblin overlord:** brendon u do realize if u tell everyone we'll have to delete the entire chat  
because the fbi can track it

 **uno:** the fbi  
what does the fbi have to do with this

 **goblin overlord:** idk they usually get involved in murders right?

 **dos:** mURDER  
WHAT

 **brendon is a rat:** surprise i killed std  
oops

 **goblin overlord:** god FINE  
yes std is dead  
becayse brendon fucking sTABBED HIM IN THE NECK

 **brendon is a rat:** HEY I SAVED UR ASS BE THANKFUL

 **goblin overlord:** YEA SURE THANKS FOR LITERALLY KILLING A PERSON AND DRAGGING ME INTO IT  
I'LL WRITE U A LETTER FROM MY PRISON CELL

 **brendon is a rat:** HEY I DIDNT "DRAG U INTO IT" U CHOSE TO FUCKING BURY THE BODY

 **goblin overlord:** SOMONE HAD TO  
UR PLAN WAS TO LEAVE IT IN MY BASEMENT 

 **brendon is a rat:** IT WAS MY FIRST MURDER IM NOT GOOD AT THIS

 **mork:** I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS UHH

 **crikey:** kjshbdv  
NOPE  
IM NOT GETTING INVOLVED  
BYE

 

 

**\- THIS GROUP HAS BEEN DEACTIVATED**

 


	142. gremlin cult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/b3N73caFVPw do yourselves a favor and watch this my boys are so tiny and pure i love them

**\- Billie Joe Armstrong** added  **Mike Dirnt** and  **Tré Cool**  to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong** changed  **Mike Dirnt's** name to  **dirt**

 

 

 **\- Billie Joe Armstrong** changed  **Tré Cool's** name to  **gay fool**

 

 

 **dirt:** what

 **gay fool:** what x2

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** back to the old days

 **dirt:** what x3

 **gay fool:** what x4

 **dirt:** tre stop

 **gay fool:** fine

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** remember when u guys were my only 2 friends?  
yah that was a Good Time™

 **dirt:** im so lost

 **gay fool:** im just happy to be back in a group chat   
it was super tough without it  
i almost lost myself back there

 **dirt:** tre u made 14 group chats in 2 days

 **gay fool:** and mikey deleted every single one of them

 **dirt:** BECAUSE U KEPT TALKING ABOUT THE ******

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THIS IS  A ****** FREE GROUP CHAT

 **gay fool:** why didnt u add the others

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** because i dont want to  
literally nothing this bad ever happened before they all came along

 **dirt:** so ur plan is to .. pretend they dont exist?

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** yes

 **gay fool:** i give the plan a solid 8/10  
my only concern is i miss my brethren frank

 

 

 **\- gay fool** added  **Frank Iero** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** trE NO

 **Frank Iero:** waddup bitches  
wait billie were u seriously planning to not talk to us ever again

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** yup  
im not ashamed of it

 **dirt:** ignore him he's being Extra again

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** im not  
i even deleted everyone from my phone

 **gay fool:** liar  
u deleted everyone apart from brendon

 **Frank Iero:** goddamn u are so far up brendons ass u could probably stick ur hand out of his mouth

 **dirt:** i just ugly snorted so loud thanks frank :/

 **gay fool:** i have a rlly weird mental image right now and its lowkey turning me on

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** everyone stop ur ruining the gremlin cult 

 **Frank Iero:** yikes i accidentally told gerard theres a new chat i have to add him sorry

 

 

 **\- Frank Iero** added  **Gerard Way** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Gerard Way:** what the fuck is this about billie not wanting to talk to us

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** tre this is all ur fault u hoe

 **gay fool:** u cannot just cut ur friends off ???????????

 **Billie Joe Armstrong:** watch me

 **dirt:** billie pls  
stop  
the whole situation isnt even that bad 

 **Gerard Way:** i mean  
a man died

 **Frank Iero:** face it he deserved to die

 

 

 **\- gay fool** changed  **Billie Joe Armstrong's** name to  **billy joel**

 

 

 **billy joel:** wow thats so creative ive never been called that before!1!!11!1!11!!!

 **dirt:** ur sarcasm is shpwing

 **Frank Iero:** someone change my name i feel left out

 

 

 **\- gay fool** changed  **Frank Iero's** name to  **wank**

 

 

 **wank:** i should have specified that i wanted someone other than tre to do it but thats on me

 **billy joel:** im leaving this isnt working out

 **Gerard Way:** no

 **dirt:** billie omf stop

 **wank:** wait  
theres 1 thing we can do thatll probably make billie stay

 

 

 **\- wank** added  **Brendon Urie** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **billy joel:** NO  
FUCK OFF FRANK U FUCKING DIPSHIT  
THATS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANT

 **Brendon Urie:** dang  
u good billie?

 **billy joel:** YES BRENDON IM FUCKING PEACHY IM HAVING THE TIME OF MY FUCKNG LIFE HERE 

 **dirt:** billie jfc calm down

 **Brendon Urie:** why are half the squad missing

 **billy joel:** BECAUSE I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND

 **Brendon Urie:** do u wanna come get high with me?

 **billy joel:** yes

 **dirt:** unbelievable   
u might as well live in brendons ass at this point

 **billy joel:** his ass is a solid 10/10 so 

 **Brendon Urie:** ;)

 **gay fool:** calling it now: theyre gonna fuck again

 **billy joel:** i mean yeah   
we probably will

 **dirt:** gross

 **Gerard Way:** this took an unexpected turn  
also mikey wants me to add him

 

 

 **\- Gerard Way** added  **Mikey Way** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Mikey Way:** hi i have a question  
didnt we agree to not make anymore group chats?

 **wank:** hi   
yes we did

 **Mikey Way:** hi   
so why is there a new group chat?

 **wank:** hi  
ur gonna have to ask billie that he made it

 **Gerard Way:** oh my god stop saying hi

 

 

 **\- Mikey Way** changed  **Gerard Way's** name to  **gay**

 

 

 **gay:** are you fucking 12

 

 

 **\- gay** changed  **Mikey Way's** name to  **a literal 12 year old**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** oh wow who knew u could be so creative 

 **gay:** eat me

 **a literal 12 year old:** thats illegal

 **dirt:** is anyone else kind of concerned that we have no adult supervision?

 **wank:** billies 17 

 **dirt:** billie is currently getting high and having sex with bread rat so he doesnt count  
and anyway i meant patrick and ray 

 **gay fool:** "bread rat" im dying mike ur so salty

 

 

 **\- wank** changed  **Brendon Urie's** name to  **bread rat**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** if we add patrick we'll have to add pete and im not ready for that yet

 **gay:** ooh  
do u still have a thing for pete

 **a literal 12 year old:** no   
but petes a lot to handle 

 **gay:** ok true

 **a literal 12 year old:** we should add ray tho 

 **gay:** yah

 

 

 **\- a literal 12 year old** added  **Ray Toro** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Ray Toro:** gr8  
thanks  
i owe dallon $20 now

 **a literal 12 year old:** what why

 **Ray Toro:** we had a bet going on how long it would take for someone to make a new group  
wait   
no one add dallon for another 3 days   
if he doesnt know i dont have to pay him

 **dirt:** smart

 **bread rat:** billies stuck under my bed send help

 **gay:** but how

 **bread rat:** my parents came home unexpectedly so he hid  
the space is a lot smaller than it looks tho

 **billy joel:** im fine  
just bring me snacks and a bottle to pee in

 **Ray Toro:** yeah sure thats normal 

 **gay fool:** oh man i missed this

 **dirt:** me too actually

 


	143. lets get married and adopt 28 children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey so uhhh, I'm considering maybe not adding tøp or fob back?? Not because I don't like them, just because there are so many people and I get so confused sometimes. idk for sure yet though, but maybe. I'm sorry :(

**dirt:** i tell billie to cut his hair  
billie does not cut his hair  
billie instead bleaches his hair

_**dirt sent a photo to gremlin cult** _

**a literal 12 year old:** he looks like a sponge

 **gay fool:** he does not look like a spoon mikey dont be rude

 **a literal 12 year old:** i said sponge not spoon u fuckin tit

 **gay fool:** oh  
yeaah i agree he def looks like a sponge

 **billy joel:** dont judge me ok i was high and brendon talked me into it

 **dirt:** its always brendon isnt it

 **bread rat:** and whats that supposed to mean

 **dirt:** it means exactly what it says

 **gay:** some1 change my name its too similar to tres 

 **wank:** change it urself 

 **gay:** *mom voice* i do everything myself in this house

 

 

 **\- gay** changed their name to  **milk friend**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** okay from now on gerard is no longer allowed to change his own name

 **Ray Toro:** someone give me a nickname i feel excluded   
mikey give me a cute nickname its your duty as my boyfriend

 **a literal 12 year old:** well considering tre cool is gay fool  
u can be gay whoro

 **Ray Toro:** no thank u please do not

 

 

 **\- bread rat** changed  **Ray Toro's** name to  **totoro**

 

 

 **totoro:**???

 **bread rat:** toro just reminds me of totoro ok

 **tororo:** ok

 **billy joel:** is it me or are mikey and ray not very affectionate with each other

 **a literal 12 year old:** weve been together for like a week im sorry we're not confessing out undying love for each other yet?

 **totoro:** o my god mikey i love u so much i dont think i can live with out u ur the light of my life asdfghjlk <3

 **a literal 12 year old:** ray omg!!! i feel the same way lets get married and adopt 28 children i would DIE without u <33333333

 **billy joel:** ok goddamn no need to be so sarcastic 

 **gay fool:** "lets get married and adopt 28 children" using that as a pickup line

 **dirt:**  please dont do that ever

 **milk friend:** IM ABOUT TO CRY THAT WAS SO FUNNY YALL MISSED SOME QUALITY COMEDY 

 **wank:** elaborate 

 **milk friend:** OUR TEACHER WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW PENS CAN BE USED AS WEAPONS   
AND RYAN WAS LIKE "oh really?" AND HE WALKED ACROSS THE ROOM AND SHANKED DALLON IN THE NECK AND MADE HIM BLEED   
AND THE TEACHER WAS LIKE "I MEANT BY WRITING WORDS YOU STUPID BOY" AND NOW HE HAS DETENTION 

 **billy joel:** ryan is a whole ass mood tbh

 **bread rat:** im crying wtf ryan 

 **gay fool:** mikey almost typed the crying face emoji so i slapped his phone out of his hand before he could send it  
this group chat is an emoji free zone

 **wank:** tres really out here doing the lords work

 

 

 **\- bread rat** added  **Ryan Ross** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **bread rat:** RYAN WHAT THE HELL LMAO

 **Ryan Ross:** hey i have to fine som way to entertain myself   
i was about to scream i hate that class so much

 **bread rat:** #relateable   
but seriously is dal ok

 **Ryan Ross:** idk he went to the nurse to try to stop the bleeding   
hang on i'll add him

 

 

 **\- Ryan Ross** added  **Dallon Weekes** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Dallon Weekes:** im gonna fucking kill u ryan  
what the hell 

 **Ryan Ross:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 **bread rat:** how are u guys still together

 **Dallon Weekes:** how are u not with billie yet

 **billy joel:** oh my GOD how many times do i have to tell u guys  
we just fuck  
no feelings

 **bread rat:** :/

 **gay fool:**  ur so trashy sometimes 

 **a literal 12 year old:** tre ur in no position to be calling anyone trashy

 **gay fool:** good point

 

 

 **\- Dallon Weeeks** changed  **Ryan Ross's** name to  **bitch**

 

 

 **bitch:** wow thats mature

 **Dallon Weekes:** my neck is bleeding everywhere   
being mature is on the bottom of my list right now

 **milk friend:** and whats on the top of ur list

 **Dallon Weekes:** making sure ryan perishes for his crimes  
wait no never mind i get to go home  
thanks ryan i love you <3

 **gay fool:** a touching story

 **bread rat:** but ur not actually gonna go home tho right

 **Dallon Weekes:** uh yeah obviously  
bye bitches and ryan 

 **totoro:** i love how u call everyone a bitch apart from ryan when his nickname is literally bitch

 **wank:** dallon doesnt have a nickname  
illegal  
quick someone change it

 **Dallon Weekes:** change itback to dallyo i liked that

 **dirt:** no put it as daddy long legs that was Iconic™

 

 

 **\- billy joel** changed  **Dallon Weekes's** name to  **lengthy leg boye**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** I SNORTED WHAT THE HELL BILLIE

 **lengthy leg boye:** im suing 

 **milk friend:** question: are yall really abandoning ryan in detention 

 **bread rat:** yes

 **gay fool:** yep

 **totoro:** obviously 

 **dirt:** definitely 

 **milk friend:** ok uh  
are yall really abandoning me and frank in detention 

 **a literal 12 year old:** o no  
what did u do

 **wank:** a crusty straight boy had the AUDACITY to complain about us being "gross" when he was almost dry humping his girlfriend   
so i slapped him and then gerard called him a disgusting rat

 **dirt:** tragic  
but im not purposely getting a detention just bc u guys are dumb

 **billy joel:** jesus christ mike ur so mean to our friends  
me and brendon will

 **dirt:** ew gross "me and brendon" get the fuck out of here with that shit

 **bread rat:** go back into the sea  
its where the salt belongs

 **lengthy leg boye:** brendon omg

 **dirt:** hoW ABOUT YOU GO BACK INTO THE SEA AND FUCKING DROWN

 **gay fool:** i dont know which of these is the bigger mood

 


	144. *tre cool leaps out of the void*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say amen and silver lining have snatched me completely bald I'm in love <3

**a literal 12 year old:** frank full offence buddy but how do u walk across ur bedroom floor without breaking all of ur ankles  
theres so much shit everywhere i was fearing for my life

 **dirt:** "all of ur ankles" ah yes all 2 of them

 **wank:** mikey full offence buddy but why were u in my room when im not even home

 **a literal 12 year old:** i was looking for gerard   
where is he??

 **wank:** ah  
well  
theres a slight problem there

 **gay fool:** whats this i smell??? frerard drama?????

 **bitch:** *the tiniest hint of drama happens*  
*tre cool leaps out of the void* wHaTs ThiS!?!?!

 **wank:** ok before anyone overreacts im telling u this: me and gerard are FINE  
we're playing hide and seek but i cant find him

 **totoro:** are-  
are u serious right now?  
what are u 10

 **wank:** 10 inches deep in ur mom

 **totoro:** excuse me

 **wank:** im so sorry i didnt mean that i love ur mom 

 **bread rat:** hey i wanna play  
can i play?

 **wank:** only if u help me find gerard first

 **bread rat:** yeah sure

 **totoro:** ok well im gonna hang out with someone who isnt literally 7 years old  
dallon? ryan? billie?

 **bread rat:** billie does not deserve a place on that list

 **billy joel:** shut up yes i do

 **bread rat:** my mom made u use a sippy cup this morning because u spilled juice everywhere 3 times

 **lengthy leg boye:** he's hanging out at ur house now?

 **dirt:** g r o s s   
disgusting  
i hate b*lldon

 **bread rat:** my parents like him for some reason

 **bitch:** HOW? THEY HATE ME

 **bread rat:** i mean, u did try to choke my dad

 **bitch:** true

 **lengthy leg boye:** they hate me too and ive never choked any of them

 **bread rat:** yeah well thats because they knew we were fucking and they didnt approve  
they have no idea what me and billie get up to *wink wonk*

 **billy joel:** ;)

 **lengthy leg boye:** wait what  
what the fuck  
they know we used to be together?

 **bread rat:** yes??

 **lengthy leg boye:** jsdfvguwgi  
this is bad oh boy im gonna die

 **bitch:** wtf calm down

 **lengthy leg boye:** lusten  
brendons parents know   
and if they tell my parents  
i will very proabbly DIE

 **totoro:** well frick 

 **dirt:** jinkies 

 **gay fool:** *velma voice* kinkies 

 **a literal 12 year old:** please never say that again

 **billy joel:** im lost??

 **bitch:** dals parents arent accepting AT ALL 

 **billy joel:** oh shit

 **lengthy leg boye:** im going to have 12 panic attacks goodbye 

 **milk friend:** u can stay at my house if u need to

 **lengthy leg boye:** thanks ily <3

 **wank:** GERARD WHAT THE FUCK WHERE EVEN ARE YOU

 **milk friend:** who knows

 **wank:** YOU KNOW

 **milk friend:** do i

 **wank:** YES  
serioulsy i give up i cant do this its so stressful 

 **milk friend:** lmao i got tired so i went home  
i just woke up from a nap

 **wank:** im literaly breaking up w/ u wtf

 **totoro:** NO  
dont even joke about that  
u guys are the small pure babies who cause no trouble

 **dirt:** isnt that tyler and josh?  
WAIT  
where are tyler and josh why arent they here

 **lengthy leg boye:** theyre not here bc ur goblin of a boyfriend slaughters anyone who fucks with his precious group chat

 **dirt:** um he's quite clearly not my boyfriend anymore

 **billy joel:** HEY dont blame me for joshler  
they arent here because brendon is a psychopath and they dont want anything to do with it

 **bread rat:** u werent complaining when i saved ur scrawny ass from satan himself

 **billy joel:** i had it under control

 **bread rat:** oh really? because from where i was it kind of looked like he was about to shoot u

 **dirt:** hang on what

 **billy joel:** MOVING ON  
tyler and josh dont want to be added back and neither do pete and patrick

 **a literal 12 year old:** oh  
wow  
ok

 **milk friend:** smh some people are so weak  
cant even handle a little murder

 **bitch:** ok hold up i feel like i actually have to say something here  
brendon literally risked going to prison for billie  
i feel like ha actually cares about billie a lot ,,,,

 **bread rat:** haha lmao what no of course i dont   
dont be stupid ryan

 **bitch:** hm

 **dirt:** ok but i would kill someone for billie too  
brendon isnt anything special

 **billy joel:** both of u have to kill someone whoever does it fastest wins my heart

 **totoro:** we are absolutely not doing that ever

 **billy joel:** i was kidding calm down

 **totoro:** i honestly wouldnt be surprised if u were being serious at this point

 **milk friend:** i thought high school was all about stressing over exams  
turns out ist about stressing over murder too

 **gay fool:** white girl problems: when one of ur friends is an actual murderer 

 **a literal 12 year old:** ur not a white girl tre

 **wank:** goddamn mikey no need to upset him


	145. the secret closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly 2 updates today, maybe, idk..

**milk friend:** frank fell down the stairs and landed on my legs  
thick thighs save lives

 **wank:** <3

 **bitch:** yeah well i dropped my phone and caught it with my legs  
thick thighs save lives

 **milk friend:** ur thighs are weak i could crush u with mine

 **bitch:** please dont

 **bread rat:** im actually laughing so hard right now

 **dirt:** no one cares what u and billie did now

 **bread rat:** this has nthing to do w/ billie u salty ass hoe shut up  
anwyay  
u know how dallon always rants that hes not actually illiterate he just types too fast?

 **gay fool:** ya

 **bread rat:** i just witnessed him hand write "mechanical" as "machenal"   
and the h was backwards 

 **lengthy leg boye:** shut the fuck up im tired 

 **bitch:** u slept literally all day yesterday???

 **lengthy leg boye:** so????

 **bitch:** so how are u still tired

 **lengthy leg boye:** im always tired

 **billy joel:** add mikey and ray making out to the list of things ive accidentally walked in on

 **totoro:** i still dont understand why u were sneaking around in the ceiling??

 **milk friend:** wait hold up  
who was in the ceiling

 **billy joel:** me

 **gay fool:** so how did u walk in on ray and mikey making out  
were they also in the ceiling

 **a literal 12 year old:** no what the fuck   
ray and i are Mature™ we dont hang out in the ceiling like billie does

 **billy joel:** ok first of all i dont "hang out" in ceilings?

 **wank:** yes u do  
thats how we met

 **billy joel:** that was freshman year frank  
a lot has changed since then

 **dirt:** yea u got gayer

 **billy joel:** thats a good thing

 **dirt:** true

 **milk friend:** please im so lost  
where were mikey and ray

 **a literal 12 year old:** we were in a closet

 **lengthy leg boye:** this is tripping me out i need to take a nap

 **bitch:** no  
no naps  
sleeping as much as u do is not healthy

 **lengthy leg boye:** buddy, nothing i do is healthy 

 **bread rat:** big 2018 mood

 **milk friend:** if u were in a closet and billie was in the ceiling  
how did he walk in on u?

 **totoro:** he didnt walk in on us he fell through the fucking ceiling and landed on us

 **billy joel:** yup so now everything is cleared up

 **dirt:** no it isnt???  
why were u in the ceiling in the first place

 **billy joel:** OH  
i was going to our secret closet get high

 **dirt:** ohhh the secret closet  
gotcha

 **wank:** excuse me  
the what

 **billy joel:** whoever built this place was a dumbass  
they built a closet with no door and the only way to get in is through the ceiling  
me and mike use it to smoke in 

 **bitch:** and why didnt u tell any of us?

 **billy joel:** because its sort of a safe hiding spot for us  
and if everyone knows then it kinda ruins it

 **bread rat:** i understand  
but uhh  
im kind of hurt u didnt tell me?  
like,, i thought we were .. ya know

 

 

 **\- billy joel** removed  **bread rat** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **billy joel:** oh my GOD i cant take this anymore hes so clingy i hate him  
every time he speaks i just want to slap him??? help me

 **bitch:** i understand completely 

 **dirt:** ur problem have fun w/ that

 **billy joel:** mike pls  
hes acting like we're married  
make him stop

 **lengthy leg boye:** ur in way too deep with him   
the tyrant has u in his claws  
rip billie it was nice kowing him

 **totoro:** kowing

 **lengthy leg boye:** shu up

 **totoro:** kachowing 

 **billy joel:** can we lock brendon up and not let him out until he learns how to not be a clingy dickbag

 **gay fool:** yes

 **a literal 12 year old:** i think that might be illegal

 **billy joel:** NEW PLAN  
i'll snitch on brendon for being a murderer   
he cant hassle me if hes in jail

 **lengthy leg boye:** billie no wtf ur not doing that

 **bitch:** he literally saved ur life??? be grateful 

 **billy joel:** I AM GRATEFUL AND I LIKE HIM OK HES MY FRIEND  
BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE   
HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY   
IM STRESSING OVER THIS OK  
THATS WHY I WAS TRYING TO GET TO MY SECRET CLOSET   
I NEED TO CALM DOWN SOMEBODY SLAP ME

 **a literal 12 year old:** gladly

 

 

 **\- lengthy leg boye** added  **bread rat** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **lengthy leg boye:** BILLIE WANTS TO RAT U OUT TO THE COPS JUST SO U LEAVE HIM ALONE

 **dirt:** dLLON WTHAT THE FUCK DONT DO THAt

 **billy joel:** AJhqsgu NO

 **bread rat:** jokes on u bitch   
if u rat i rat  
i didnt actually touch the body so its ur fingerprints theyll find

 **billy joel:** shit  
that is correct

 **bread rat:** but hey if u want me to leave u alone i'll leave u alone  
if u want me i'll be in the secret closet

 **billy joel:** no one wants u  
also get out of my closet

 **dirt:** NO  
GET OUT  
GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR CLOSET

 **bread rat:** nope

 **billy joel:** if u wont get out ill make u get out  
back into the ceiling i go

 **totoro:** billie no ur gonna land on someone again

 **milk friend:** are u and mikey in the closet again

 **a literal 12 year old:** no im in class behaving myself

 **gay fool:** no he isnt he's trying to get to the secret closet  
so am i

 **wank:** i want to go to the secret closet

 **bitch:** is everyone in the ceiling? what the fuck get down from there

 **lengthy leg boye:** im not in the ceiling  
im not immature like everyone else

 **bread rat:** ur too tall to get in here arent u

 **lengthy leg boye:** yes i am

 **milk friend:** cant u like  
slide around like a worm?

 **lengthy leg boye:** no gerard im not sliding around in the ceiling like a worm

 **bread rat:** I MADE IT  
IM IN THE SECRET CLOSET  
wait how the fuck do i get out theres nothing to climb up on  
HOW DO I GET OUT

 **billy joel:** HA FUCKER I TOOK THE LADDER OUT   
NOW U CANT HARRASS ME  
BYE BITCH HAVE FUN DYING IN THERE

 **gay fool:** billie  
ur goblin side is showing 

 **billy joel:** of course it is  
i am the goblin overlord, here to destroy the rat man brendon urie

 **bitch:** i cant believe brendon is stuck in the secret closet  
welp thats not my problem and its time to go home byeeee

 **bread rat:** wait   
no  
im sorry  
dont leave me in here  
please  
guys  
i,m actually starting to panic  
please dont leAVE ME IN A FUCKING CLOSET   
OKOK I KNOW IVE BEEN AN ASSHOLE AND IVE BEEN ANNOYING BUT IM ACTUALLY BEGGING U GUYS RIGHT NOW   
so this is how it ends for me


	146. WE ARE IN A TIME OF CRISIS

**billy joel:**  AKSHDG  
OH NO I DID SOMETHING BAD

 **dirt:** nope its too early for this go away

 **billy joel:** I LEFT BRENDON IN THE CLOSET ALL WEEKEND

 **dirt:** JESUS CHRIST WHY

 **billy joel:** I DIDNT MEAN TO 

 **lengthy leg boye:** HOW DID U NOT MEAN TO WHAT THE FUCK i will literally fight you 

 **billy joel:** I WAS GONNA LEAVE HIM IN THERE FOR LIKE AN HOUR OK  
JUST SO HE KNWOS NOT TO TEST ME IN THE FUTURE  
BUT I GOT SUPER FUCKED UP WITH TRE AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT 

 **gay fool:** hey dont blame me it was ur dumb idea to huff spray paint

 **a literal 12 year old:** you guys... huffed..... spray paint?   
im done  
im actually done

 **bitch:** i did wonder where bren was..  
i assumed he was just in a bad mood and was avoiding us

 **billy joel:** DO U THINK HES OKAY?????

 **milk friend:** i mean,  
he's been trapped inside a tiny closet with no food or water for 3 days

 **billy joel:** WHA T IF HE LIKE.. DIED?  
OH MY GO D   
I HAVE TO GO FREE HIM

 **gay fool:** i'll come to help  
also i cant be dealing with class right now

 **wank:** count me in on the ceiling adventure

 **totoro:** NO  
everyone get out of the ceiling  
everyone down or i will actually snitch   
i have an important matter to discuss

 **wank:** begone thot

 

 

 **\- wank** removed  **totoro** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old** : dont call him a thot frank u little bicth

 

 

 **\- a literal 12 year old** removed  **wank** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **\- a literal 12 year old** added  **totoro** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **milk friend:** mikey add him back right now

 **a literal 12 year old:** do it urself 

 **milk friend:** i could do that yes

 

 

 **\- milk friend** added  **wank** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **totoro:** everyone apart from billie get down from the ceiling  
billie can go free brendon and they can talk about their mountain of issues alone for a little while

 **dirt:** good idea  
sorry billie but brendon has turned u into an actual wreck

 **billy joel:** thats fair

 **totoro:** ok so uhh we might have a problem 

 **lengthy leg boye:** at this point even my problems have problems of their own

 **bitch:** yikes are u sure ur okay?

 **lengthy leg boye:** aside from the constant anxiety and overhweming despair   
yup im fine :)

 **bitch:** uh

 **totoro:** no seriously listen to me  
someone found a body

 **gay fool:** so why are u telling us?  
finders keepers  
it belongs to them now

 **wank:** tre buddy that isnt how bodies work  
u cant just find one and keep it

 **gay fool:** well thats how i got this body

 **wank:** what

 **gay fool:** what

 **a literal 12 year old:** oh no this is bad  
this is really bad

 **totoro:** YES finally someone undertands what im talking about

 **milk friend:**??  
OH i just realized oh god 

 **lengthy leg boye:** do u think its u know who

 **totoro:** maybe?? idk

 **billy joel:** hi brendon punched me really hard but at least hes alive  
he went home btw

 **bitch:** u kind of deserve the punch

 **dirt:** did u guys talk and sort shit out?

 **billy joel:** nope

 **dirt:** oh my god ur an actual nightmare

 **totoro:** billie where did u bury u know what

 **billy joel:** nice try raymond as if im gonna tell u 

 **totoro:** no seriously its important

 **billy joel:** idc im not telling u where they are 

 **milk friend:** THEY?? THERES MROE THAN ONE?

 **billy joel:** uh yea?   
theres like 9 of them  
i thought u knew this what

 **wank:** OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE THERE 9 OF THEM WHAT THE HELL DID U DO

 **dirt:** GOODBYE  
NOPE  
IM OUT  
ONE BODY I CAN MAYEB HANDLE  
BUT NOT 9  
NO WAY  
G O O D B Y E

 **billy joel:** MSNJBKSJHID  
NO YOU FUCKING DICKWANKS THERE ARENT 9 BODIES IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER  
I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE LITTLE ACTION FIGURES I STOLE FROM RAY AND BURIED WHEN WE WERE LIKE 6

 **totoro:** WHY ARE YOU TALKNG ABOUT ACTION FIGURES   
WE ARE IN A TIME OF CRISIS  
A BODY WAS FOUND

 **billy joel:** oh  
oh noo  
oh shit  
uhh

 **bitch:** bye billie it was nice knowing u

 **bread rat:** wheres billie going?

 **lengthy leg boye:** BRENDON UR BACK

 **bread rat:** yes  
if you fuckers EVER do that again ill murder every single one of u

 **gay fool:** speaking of murder someone found  _t h e  b o d y_

 **bread rat:** WHAT HOW WE HID IT SO WELL

 **totoro:** tre dont scare him we dont know if its THE body but yea someone found a body

 **milk friend:** not to be distracting but ryan and dallon are so hecking cute today

 **a literal 12 year old:** i know right theyre actually being nice to each other

 **dirt:** wild

 **totoro:** gerard please dont be distracting anymore  
where did u bury u know what (not action figures)

 **billy joel:** in the woods  
WAIT i just realized something  
if they did find it im gonna be the one who gets arrested   
brendon u son of a bitch

 **bread rat:**????????????????

 **billy joel:** u didnt help bury it so im the one whos finger prinst theyre gonna find

 **bread rat:** oh yea  
sorry lol

 **lengthy leg boye:** idk about u guys but this seems like a problem for tomorrow

 **gay fool:** rt

 **wank:** get u a mans like billie  
he buries the people u kill  
gerard would never

 **milk friend:** keep talking shit and i'll bury u

 **wank:** :0

 **totoro:** wow ok false alarm its not the body they found  
but we should probably prepare for when they do find it  
becaus lets face it its gonna happen at some point

 **billy joel:** its ok i think i could handle prison

 **dirt:** they dont let u have drugs in prison u would die

 **billy joel:** ive had a lot of practice shoving stuff up my ass ;)


	147. dirnk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAP BORTH GERARD I LOVE U WITH ALL MY BEING

**milk friend:** gays  
*guys  
no wait i like gays better  
gays guess what

 **bread rat:** what

 **milk friend:** its my birthday

 **dirt:** yes we know

 **milk friend:** so what are we gunna do to celebrate?  
its not everyday i get to turn 17

 **lengthy leg boye:** DIRNK  
DU  
DURNK  
ica nt spell

 **bitch:** sis we been knew

 **billy joel:** ah yes my favorite pastime, dirnk

 **gay fool:** mike dirnk

 **dirt:** hey stop that

 

 

 **\- gay fool** changed  **dirt's** name to  **dirnk**

 

 

 **dirnk:** thats the complete opposite of what i said but ok

 **gay fool:** opposite day motherfucker

 **a literal 12 year old:** are u 10

 **gay fool:** 10 inches long ;)

 **totoro:** ive already seen enough

 **bread rat:** YES lets get dirnk

 **billy joel:** haha dirnk

 **lengthy leg boye:** i hafe al of u

 **bitch:** hafe

 **dirnk:** hafe

 **milk friend:** hafe

 **lengthy leg boye:** SSOP

 **wank:** ssop

 

 

 **\- lengthy leg boye** left  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **bitch:** his illiterate is getting worse

 **milk friend:** do u think tyler and josh will come over? and pete and patrick??

 **bread rat:** well i tried to speak to tyler in class but he screamed antichrist at me and then hit me with his book so

 **a literal 12 year old:** i mean, you did shank someone in the neck

 **bread rat:** oh really thanks for reminding me   
it only keeps me up at night  
i only think about it every second of the day

 **bitch:** um  
this took a dark turn  
ill text pete

 **wank:** so uhh  
1-10 how crazy are we getting

 **milk friend:** 10 obviously  
but whos house   
because our parents are in the middle of redecorating so we cant exactly trash the place

 **billy joel:** my house is completely parent free 

 **totoro:** ur house is also a terrifying redneck house and also a murder scene so pass

 **billy joel:** true  
theres still blood all over my bedroom floor

 **bitch:** WHAT  
WHY

 **a literal 12 year old:** THIS IS HOW PEOPLE GO TO PRISON BILLIE WTH

 **billy joel:** ITS REALLY HARD TO CLEAN IT UP  
and besides no one goes to my house anymore so

 **milk friend:** YOU NEED TO CLEAN IT UP   
ANYTHING ELSE WE SHOULD KNOW 

 **bread rat:** uh  
1 thing  
we didnt actually bury the body

 **dirnk:** WHAT THE FUCK YALL ARE THE WORST MURDERERS EVER

 **bread rat:** IT WAS LATE WE WERE BOTH FREAKING THE FUCK OUT AND MY HANDS WERE SHAKING TOO BAD TO HELP SO BILLIE JUST THREW SOME LEAVES OVER IT

 **bitch:** oh shit i forgot to add dal back

 

 

 **\- bitch** added  **lengthy leg boye** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **wank:** welcome back dallon we've learned that bILLIE AND BRENDON ARE USELESS

 **lengthy leg boye:** what?  
oH  
OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH Y GUYS

 **a literal 12 year old:** I REALLY DONT WANT TO GET INVOLVED IN THIS BUT I ALSO DONT WANT ANY OF MY FRIENDS TO GO TO JAIL SO IM GONNA HELP U BURY THE BODY PROPLERY AND CLEAN UP THE BLOOD

 **totoro:** im going home   
im going to my room  
im hiding under my blanket  
and im turning my goddamn phone off  
goodbye yall are wild

 **gay fool:** i have a plan

 **dirnk:** dont even try ur gonna make things worse

 **gay fool:** no seriously  
we clean up the entire crme scene so theres nothing left to get anyoen in trouble  
we take the body somewhere and burn it  
we get rid of his truck and make it look like he just letf town  
we pretend this never happened  
  


 **lengthy leg boye:** good plan but uh i dont really want to get arrested for hiding dead bodies  
thats 7 yeras in prison no thank u

 **bitch:** do u want brendon to go to jail for murder

 **lengthy leg boye:** i dont want anyone to go to jail

 **gay fool:** gr8 so we all agree on my plan

 **milk friend:** can we party and pretend we're normal first  
please  
i dont want to spend my birthday burning a dead body

 **wank:** lets go get completely rekt

 **bitch:** petes grounded  
patrick said no bc he'll feel bad that pete isnt allowed  
tylers blocked my number  
and josh said hed rather not get dragged into our "demonic serial killing"

 **billy joel:** is josh forgetting taht he literally summoned satan into the chat that one time

 **bread rat:** fuckin YEET my parents just told me theyre gonna be gone for a few days  
we can completely trash my house

 **dirnk:** IM FINNA GET SO BLACKED OUT THAT I FORGET 2 OF MY FRIENDS ARE CRIMINALS 

 **lengthy leg boye:** im gunna get so wrecked i forget how to spell my own  name

 **milk friend:** u cant spell ur own name anyway

 **lengthy leg boye:** cant argue there 


	148. frong bong armstrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday brendon <3 this is a day early because imma be Busy™ tomorrow so.. enjoy

**wank:** "its called EYEliner not ASSliner dallon" - what i just overheard in the bathroom  
explain

 **bitch:** he said he was going to shove my eyeliner pencil up his ass

 **lengthy leg boye:** NO I DIDNT  
i said i would *confiscate* it because u have beeN STANDING IN FRONG OF THE GODDAMN MIRROR FOR 29 MINuTES

 **milk friend:** "frong"

 **bitch:** i assumed u would shove it up ur ass  
brendon did it once

 **lengthy leg boye:** surprise i am not brendon  
HOW LONG DO U PLAN ON STANDING IN FRONG OF THAT MIRROR

 **bitch:** FOR AS LONG AS I FUCKIN WANT TO OKAY

 **milk friend:** FRONG  
f r o n g

 **wank:** frong bong

 **totoro:** frong bong armstrong 

 **a literal 12 year old:** SOMEONE CHANGE HIS NAME

 

 **\- dirnk** removed  **billy joel** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **- dirnk** removed  **bread rat** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** aw you ruined my plan :(

 **dirnk:** i am actually going to throw up

 **gay fool:**  I KNOW oh my god theyre so gross

 **milk friend:** are they being weirdly sexual again?

 **dirnk:** no  
i can handle weirdly sexual  
but today theyre being ... cuddly 

 **wank:** cuddly?   
im  
what

 **gay fool:** we're under the bleachers and billies head is on brendons lap and hes stroking his hair and bren keeps fucking  g i g g l i n g   
its DISGUSTANG

 **bitch:** can they just fucking get together already 

 **totoro:** GOD i know right im so sick of them denying they actually like each other

 **dirnk:** guys are u not thinking this through?  
if they get together thatll be fine yes  
but if they break up...

 **a literal 12 year old:** o no  
that would end all of us

 **wank:** boi can u imagine that shit  
theyre both so overdramatic someone will literally die

 **lengthy leg boye:** im honestly surprised billie can deal with brendon so well

 **gay fool:** dallon he locked him in a closet for 3 days

 **milk friend:** and hes threatened to kill him on 6 different occasions 

 **bitch:** and dont forget when he tried to force feed him sleeping pills so he would stop talking

 **totoro:** and the time he kicked him for lightly touching his hand

 **lengthy leg boye:** ok true

 **dirnk:** u know what surprises me? how well brendon is dealing with billie  
billie is NOT an easy person to deal with

 **gay fool:** i love him but its true hes so ,, strange

 **milk friend:** hes not that bad dont be mean

 **dirnk:** listen  
tre and i have known billie our entire lives  
hes fuckin weird

 **gay fool:** do u remember when were were like 4 and he screeched at everyone who came too close to him

 **dirnk:** DO U REMEMBER WHEN HE BIT OUR FIRST GRADE TEACHER BECAUSE SHE TOLD HIM NOT TO EAT THE GLUE

 **totoro:** ok what he hell

 **dirnk:** AND HE STABBED A GIRL WITH SOME SCISSORS BECAUSE HER PONYTAIL KEPT HITTING HIM

 **gay fool:** confession: billie used to scare me when we were lil kiddos  
he would get in a pissy mood over nothing and start headbutting things and screaming

 **wank:** thats a mood  
i wish i could do that

 **milk friend:** frank u do that anyway 

 **bitch:** i lowkey hope billie and brendon get together

 **lengthy leg boye:** what why

 **bitch:** because theyre both weird hyperactive screaming demons  
theyre perfect for each other

 **milk friend:** what if they fuse together to create one super hypeactive screaming demon 

 **totoro:** that would bring the apocalypse 

 **dirnk:** ew billie keeps touching brendons hands

 **a literal 12 year old:** we have to do this

 

 

 **\- a literal** **12 year old** added  **billy joel** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **\- a literal 12 year old** added  **bread rat** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **a literal 12 year old:** anything yall wanna tell us?

 **billy joel:** yes actually   
mike and tre are rlly bad at secretly talking about us

 **bread rat:** yup u guys are the worst

 **bitch:** PLEASE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY IM SO SICK OF THIS

 **billy joel:** SYKE we're already togrther bitch

 **milk friend:** i  
what

 **bread rat:** oh yea weve been together for a while now its just funny to keep fucking with u guys

 **lengthy leg boye:** i hate u both

 **dirnk:**...

 

 

 **\- dirnk** left  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **gay fool:** uh he just got up and left

 **wank:** ha i just blackmailed miss jackson into letting me go home early again

 **a literal 12 year old:** STOP DOING  THAT  
LEAVE THE POOR WOMAN ALONE

 **wank:** no

 **lengthy leg boye:** mikey listen  
if the oprotunity is there we're gonna take it

 **bitch:** what the hell is an "oprotunity"

 **lengthy leg boye:** oppression 

 **bitch:** wow thanks that rlly clears things up 

 **lengthy leg boye:** sut up im tired

 **milk friend:** oh yea happy birthday brendon

 **bread rat:** ONE YEAR UNTIL IM AN ADULT

 **totoro:** the thought of that terrifies me

 **bread rat:** and considering gerards birthday was actually pretty chill  
we're gonna RAGE tonight ;)

 **a literal 12 year old:** we're all going to die of alcohol poisoning before we're 18

 **lengthy leg boye:** hopefully


	149. turn up turnt up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY BUT I'VE BEEN BUSY AS H*CK AND ALSO THE LONGSHOT MUSIC AND TøP ARE BEING CRYPTIC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**\- milk friend** added  **dirnk** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **milk friend:** welcome back

 **dirnk:** i asked to be added back 2 days ago but sure

 **milk friend:** i take it my services arents good enough for you

 

 

 **\- milk friend** removed  **dirnk** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **wank:** i woke up this morning and had an epiphany 

 **bitch:** elaborate 

 **wank:** "in the tune of kumbaya my lord*  
suck my dick you whore

 **bread rat:** im wheezing what the hell frank

 **wank:** the audience claps and cheers  
i take a bow as roses land at my feet

 **billy joel:** i keep reading bow as bow

 **lengthy leg boye:** maybe because theyre the same word?

 **billy joel:** no i mean bow as in shooty shoot murder & death and then bow as in bow down to ur master u kinky sex slave

 **bitch:** there are a hundred other easier ways u could have explained that

 **lengthy leg boye:** im  
what

 **wank:** billie would make a terrible teacher

 **billy joel:** check yourself   
i would make a GR8 teacher

 **milk friend:** u would walk in 30 minutes late high as fuck and then fall asleep

 **bread rat:** thats exactly how he turns up for class

 **billy joel:** thats how i turn up for everything  
turn up turnt up

 **bitch:** senior quote right there: "turn up turnt up"

 

 

 **\- milk friend** added  **dirnk** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **milk friend:** welcome back x2

 **dirnk:** ur an fuck

 **bread rat:** oh yea i forgot but happy 420   
ik its 3 days late but i was too high to unlock my phone on actual 420

 **gay fool:** whatta mood

 **a literal 12 year old:** I DID SOMETHING BAD

 **totoro:** YES HE DID SOMETHING VERY BAD

 **bitch:** have u been inside a vagaga again

 **bread rat:** VAGAGA WHAT

 **dirnk:** ryan seriously buddy why cant u ever spell vagina right

 **a literal 12 year old:** NO THERE ARE NO VAGAGAS   
BUT I UH  
I ACCIDENTALLY TEXTED PETE AND TOLD HIM IM IN LOVE WITH HIM

 **billy joel:** how do you "accidentally" tell someone ur in love with them?

 **milk friend:** ray i am SO sorry my brother is such a hoe   
he doesnt deserve you

 **totoro:** NO IT ACTUALLY WAS AN ACCIDENT

 **gay fool:** but.. how

 **a literal 12 year old:** OK SO BACK WHEN PETE WAS BEING A COMPLETE DICKASS I PLANNED ON BREAKING HIM AND PATRICK UP

 **wank:** oh my god mikey u cant do that

 **a literal 12 year old:** I WROTE A WHOLE ASS PARAGRAPH SAYING HOW PATRICK ISNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND HOW I WOULD TREAT HIM RIGHT IF HE GAVE ME A CHANCE IT WAS SOME CLASS A CRINGY SHIT 

 **lengthy leg boye:** oh this sounds bad already y i k e s

 **a literal 12 year old:** BUT I DIDNT SEND IT  
I JUST SAVED IT IN MY NOTES

 **billy joel:** so how did it get out of ur notes hm

 **a literal 12 year old:** I DONT KNOW I SOMEHOW ACCIDENTALLY SENT THE ENTIRE FUCKING NOTE TO HIM AND HE LEFT ME ON READ AND IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW

 **bread rat:** goodbye mikey u r #fucked 

 **totoro:** brenDON

 **wank:** ok there are 2 possible outcomes here  
1\. pete fights mikey  
2\. pete leaves patrick for mikey

 **dirnk:** he's obviously not going to leave patrick for mikey  
no offence mikey but he rlly loves patrick

 **a literal 12 year old:** I KNOW AND I DONT WANT TO FUCK IT UP FOR HIM IM NOT SALTY ANYMORE I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY I HATE MYSELF

 **billy joel:** its an amazing thing when a person can be truly happy for another persons relationship :)

 **dirnk:** FUCKING @ ME NEXT TIME BITCH

 **billy joel:** im just saying michael

 **dirnk:** do not call me michael

 **billy joel:** sure thing michael

 **dirnk:** FUCKING DONT

 **billy joel:** wow michael you sure are aggressive today

 **dirnk:** boy u will catch these hands if u dont shut the fuck up right now

 **billy joel:** ok michael :)

 **gay fool:** full offence billie but if mike slaps u i wont defend u

 **dirnk:** @billie im saying this once and once only ok  
i really dont care what u do with brendon bc i know it wont last bc u both have major issues when it comes to healthy relationships 

 **wank:** can we maybe not

 **bread rat:** mike.. literally shut the fuck up and stop trying to start drama

 **dirnk:** fine im done  
just telling william how it is

 **billy joel:** my name isnt william

 **dirnk:** sorry william 

 **a literal 12 year old:** PETES TYPING   
HEOPDJHECG  
HELP ME

 **milk friend:** im so scared and im not even the one who fucked up wow

 **bitch:** we should addd pete  
let him know it was an accident 

 **lengthy leg boye:** no wtf thatll cause a whole shitshow 

 **totoro:** dallons right   
if we add pete things will get Messy™ 

 **a literal 12 year old:** okay but consider this: pete asked me to add him 

 **gay fool:** my asshole is open i am ready to consume the drama

 **wank:** trE NO

 

 

 **\- a literal 12 year old** added  **Pete Wentz** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Pete Wentz:** hi im sure u all know what kind of fuckboy mikey is currently being

 **a literal 12 year old:** pete im so sorry it was an accident its an old message i had saved

 **Pete Wentz:** sure thats believable  
if u try to ruin my relationship again i will literally end you okay  
also im blocking u because ur a whore

 **billy joel:** oh man this is so awkward ahsjdk hi pete how r u

 **Pete Wentz:** dont ask stupid questions u fucking goblin

 **billy joel:**???????

 **dirnk:** ha goblin

 **billy joel:** OH MY GOD   
GOBLIN IS SUCH AN OLD JOKE NOW   
HA HA YES IM A GOBLIN 

 **a literal 12 year old:** pete seriously DM me and ill explain

 **Pete Wentz:** hm  
no  
choke and die :)

 **milk friend:** this is...  
Not Good

 

 

 **\- Pete Wentz** left  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **gay fool:** well kids  
thats what happens when u hoe around

 **lengthy leg boye:** u hoe around more than all of us combined

 **gay fool:** that is correct


	150. pete is a frog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the dealio kiddos: i miss having pete in this but i feel like if i bring him back i'll also have to bring patrick back (i have nothing against patrick i love him a whole lot but ???? idk) 
> 
> so should i bring them back or...? Please help me i'm insanely bad at making decisions.

**\- wank** changed  **a literal 12 year old's** name to  **moky**

 

 

 **moky:** SHUT UP 

 **totoro:** moky?

 **wank:** he spelled his own name wrong

 **moky:** NO I DIDNT U JUST CANT READ MY WRITING

 **wank:** no it definitely said moky

 **bitch:** which one of u is getting ur ass handed to u by mr turner 

 **bread rat:** i love how u assume its one of us

 **bitch:** its always one of us

 **bread rat:** truer words have never been spoken 

 **gay fool:** holy shit mr turner is WILD  what did yall do

 **lengthy leg boye:** i hate gerard with all my being

 **milk friend:** IM SO SORRY

 **lengthy leg boye:** I ALMOST GOT SUSPENDED AND ARRESTED BECAUSE OF YOU

 **milk friend:** well technically it was because of pete but go off i guess

 **wank:** ok we're gonna need some details here  
what happened

 **lengthy leg boye:** pete was telling everyone about what mikey did and he was gonna fight him and whatever

 **moky:** no i dont want to fight pete hes scary

 **lengthy leg boye:** so gerard was like "well damn gotta protect my bro" and he bought coke from billie because billie is now a drug dealer apparently

 **dirnk:** BILLIE NO oh my god i hate you sometimes please dont

 **totoro:** please find some self control 

 **billy joel:** dallon u fucking dumbass it was crushed up painkillers calm down  
i dont fuck w/ coke  
no sir

 **lengthy leg boye:** FINE whatever   
wait  
gerard are u aware u just gave billie $450 for crushed up painkillers 

 **totoro:** $450 WHAT THE FUCK   
WHO PAYS $450 FOR COCAINE

 **milk friend:** WELL IM SORRY I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT USUALLY COSTS  
BILLIE TOLD ME IT WOULD "COST A LOT"

 **billy joel:** of course i told u that  
im not gonna pass up an opportunity to make some $$

 **gay fool:** smart  
u would make a good drug dealer

 **dirnk:** tre dont encourage him

 **milk friend:** lmao it was mikeys money anyway so

 **moky:** HAT

 **bitch:** hat?

 **moky:** WHAT

 **bitch:** ah that makes more sense

 **moky:** billie give me my money

 **billy joel:** uh no

 **moky:** i'll tell the principal ur selling cocaine in school

 **bread rat:** ew no dont be a snitch 

 **billy joel:** 1\. it wasnt even real cocaine so fuck you  
2\. i can easily bribe miss jackson again   
3\. im pretty sure tre and the principal are doing some gross kinky shit again and im tre's best friend so i wont get in trouble  
check fucking mate bitch

 **moky:** I HATE YOU  
I ACTUALLY HATE YOU  
YOU COULD LITERALLY SHOOT SOMEONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE POLICE AND U WOULD STILL FIND A WAY OUT OF IT  
UR A SNEAKY LITTLE RAT

 

 

 **\- mokey** left  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **dirnk:** i mean,,, he has a point  
u did literally get away with murder

 **totoro:** wait so ur plan was to plant fake cocaine in petes locker and then call the cops to get him arrested so he wouldnt beat up mikey??  
the cops would find out its fake dumbass and they wouldmt do anything

 **milk friend:** yes  
well  
i didnt think that far ahead ok

 **wank:** WE NEED TO START THINKING THINGS ALL THE WAY THROUGH OKAY

 **totoro:** OR WE COULD MAYBE NOT PLANT DRUGS ON PEOPLE?

 **wank:** yea that works too ig

 **lengthy leg boye:** all of this is irrelevant because gerard diDNT EVEN PLANT IT IN PETES LOCKER HE PLANTED IT IN MINE

 **milk friend:** IM SO SORRY  
URS IS RIGHT NEXT TO PETES AND I WAS IN A HURRY

 **lengthy leg boye:** THERE WERE SNIFFER DOGS AND EVERYTHING I WAS SO SCARED I ACTUALLY CRIED

 **milk friend:** true  
but can we talk about how fast u tried to blame brendon

 **bread rat:** WHAT  
I WASNT EVEN THERE 

 **lengthy leg boye:** IM SORRY   
I PANICKED AND I FIGURED IF ANYONES GONNA DO COCAINE IT WOULD BE YOU

 **bread rat:** ARE YOU FORGETTING THE TIME U LITERALLY SNORTED COKE OFF OF SOMEBODYS HARD DICK??

 **lengthy leg boye:**...  
shit  
i did forget that actually 

 **gay fool:** so is that why mr turner was yelling?

 **milk friend:** no???

 **gay fool:** i thought that was why u were telling the story

 **lengthy leg boye:** no we're telling the story because its WILD and also to serve as a reminder not to plant fake cocaine in peoples lockers

 **gay fool:** SO WHO WAS MR TURNER YELLING AT????

 **billy joel:** o shit that was me  
i poured some cleaning stuff in his coffee

 **dirnk:** are you TRYING to become a serial killer

 **billy joel:** no he was just pissing me off

 **bitch:** hey so uh pete just asked me if i could add him into this?  
he said he needs to apologize to mikey  
do i have permission

 **billy joel:** i love how everyones asking permission   
its nice

 **dirnk:** its because everyone is terrifed of u sweaty :)

 **billy joel:** good  
fear is good  
now no one can hurt me

 **bitch:** ur not even answering my question so im adding him anyway

 

 

 **\- bitch** added  **Pete Wentz** to  **gremlin cult**

 

**Pete Wentz:** before anyoen removes me:  
mikey im rlly sorry for not believing u i know it was an old note and im sorry for being a dick again 

 **wank:** mikey isnt even in the group lmao

 **Pete Wentz:** oh  
someone add him

 **totoro:** he got salty because billie outsmarted him yet again

 **billy joel:** dont fuck with me peter im a God

 **Pete Wentz:** u lowkey scare me so i wont

 **billy joel:** YES  
FEAR ME

 **dirnk:** at this point its pretty much obvious ur gonna end up in prison

 **billy joel:** tru  
but u know i'll run the whole damn place

 

 

 **\- totoro** added  **moky** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **totoro:** pete has smething to say

 **moky:** no go away

 

 

 **\- moky** removed  **Pete Wentz** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **milk friend:** oh my GOD mikey hes trying to be nice

 **moky:** idc he's a frog

 **dirnk:** frog?  
ok

 **moky:** yes pete is a frog

 **totoro:** im adding him again   
behave

 **moky:** no

 

 

 **\- totoro** added  **Pete Wentz** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Pete Wentz:** mikey please

 **moky:** get out u frog

 

 

 **\- moky** removed  **Pete Wentz** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **milk friend:** MIKEY STOP BEING A LITERAL 8 YEAR OLD

 **moky:** KEEP THE FROG OUT OF THE CHAT PLEASE

 **dirnk:** so we're not allowed frogs but we're allowed billie; an actual goblin

 **billy joel:** its my chat bitch

 

 

 **\- totoro** added  **Pete Wentz** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **Pete Wentz:** please stop removing me and adding me back my phone is buzzing constantly  
the teachers about to take it away

 **moky:** good

 

 

 **\- moky** removed  **Pete Wentz** from 

 

 

 **lengthy leg boye:** mikey he wants to apologize just let him  
u can remove him after if u want

 **moky:** oh my god FINE

 

 

 **\- moky** added  **Pete Wentz** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **moky:** sorry for removing u  
say what u wanna say

 **Pete Wentz:** im not typing it again just scroll up

 **moky:** wow ur such a gr8 friend feet   
*PETE  
IM SO SORRY 

 **bread rat:** WHERE DID FEET COME FROM 

 **lengthy leg boye:** f e e t

 

 

 **\- gay fool** changed  **Pete Wentz's** name to  **feet**

 

 

 **feet:** WHT THEFUCK MIKEY

 **wank:** so feet are u happy to be back

 **feet:** yes  
yes i am


	151. ITS GHOST HUNTING SEASON FELLAS

**bread rat:** knock knock bitches wake up  
everyone go to gerards house

 **milk friend:** no i didnt agree to this

 **bread rat:** too late

 **feet:** lemon party v.4?

 **bitch:** keep ur damn lemons away from me

 **milk friend:** no theres no leon party

 **moky:** "leon"

 **totoro:** whos leon

 **lengthy leg boye:** idk but its his party

 **dirnk:** not to disrupt whatever ur plan is but its literally 1:26am 

 **bread rat:** yes it is  
and do u know why?

 **wank:** because ur an imbecile with no self control?

 **bread rat:** true but nope  
ITS GHOST HUNTING SEASON FELLAS

 **totoro:** no

 

 

 **\- totoro** removed  **bread rat** from  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **totoro:** we are NOT having a repeat of chad

 **gay fool:** speak for yourself raymond we are DEFNITELY having a repeat of chad

 **moky:** @billie i assume ur involved in this so uh.. what does he mean by ghost hunting season

 **billy joel:** he means we're going ghost hunting   
now everyone meet up @ gerards

 **milk friend:** no

 **wank:** im here already so what do i do

 **billy joel:** stay there

 **feet:** am i invited

 **billy joel:** uh obviously?  
go to gerards

 **feet:** already on my way

 **lengthy leg boye:** how are we "ghost hunting" exactly 

 **billy joel:** hang on i'll add him back

 

 

 **\- billy joel** added  **bread rat** to  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **bread rat:** ray u r hereby uninvited to ghost hunting

 **totoro:** good  
less chance of getting possessed

 **moky:** i   
uh  
im still gonna go

 **totoro:** ok dont blame me if ur a demon when u return

 **lengthy leg boye:** brendon pls explain  
how are we ghost hunting

 **bread rat:** well  
it was billies idea bc we were high and just doing whatever it is we do  
and then he saod something about ghostbusters?? idk   
so now we're going ghost hunting

 **billy joel:** i didnt say anything about ghostbusters what

 **bread rat:** u didnt?   
who did

 **billy joel:** no one did  
are u ok

 **bread rat:** im still pretty high   
oh wait i remember now  
i was thinking about ghostbusters and i thought someone said it out loud  
nvm  
anyway: ghost hunting

 **bitch:** u seem a little disoriented buddy are u sure ghost hunting is a good idea

 **bread rat:** excuse me ryan ghost hunting is ALWAYS a good idea

 **milk friend:** whoever just knocked on my door get fucked im not opening it

 **gay fool:** i'll climb through the window instead 

 **lengthy leg boye:** im still very confused  
where are the ghosts

 **bread rat:** u know that old creepy manor thing that burned down and like 16 people died  
we're going there

 **totoro:** ah yes the place with burned out floorboards and ceilings where a bunch of kids have got hurt  
gr8 idea brendon 

 **billy joel:** i have a box to catch a ghost in like on ghostbusters

 **bread rat:** billie honey u have a shoe box

 **dirnk:** billie have u ever actually seen ghostbusters

 **billy joel:** no but i saw stranger things when they dressed up as ghostbusters and dustin had a box to catch ghosts

 **feet:** u cannot catch a ghost in a shoe box 

 **billy joel:** well we'll see about that feeter 

 **feet:** FEETER 

 **milk friend:** congratulatiosn brendon u successfully got everyone to meet in my bedroom at 2am 

 **totoro:** are u all serious right now  
ur all going on a dumb ghost hunt

 **bitch:** yes obviously 

 **totoro:** add me back when ur done

 

 

 **\- totoro** left  **gremlin cult**

 

 

 **wank:** scared but excited 

 **moky:** i wish we still had chad  
we could release him back into the wild

 **gay fool:** he wasnt a dog mikey

 **lengthy leg boye:** im lowkey worried that billie might literally bring a ghost back

 **feet:** he cant keep a ghost in a shoe box oh my god

 **lengthy leg boye:** he can keep it inside him though

 **billy joel:** like a drug smuggler who hides drugs in their ass  
i will be a ghost smuggler

 **dirnk:** please dont hide a ghost in your ass 

 **bitch:** ghosts have no concept of consent so if a ghost wants to go in billies ass its going in billies ass

 **billy joel:** i am suddenly highly uncomfortable

 **bread rat:** u usually like having things in ur ass

 **billy joel:** only when i want them in my ass

 **milk friend:** can everyone stop saying ass please

 **gay fool:** ass

 **milk friend:** wow mature

 **feet:** i asked patrick if he wanted to come  
he said no

 **moky:** tragic

 **feet:** not because hes scared of ghosts  
hes scared of billie and brendon

 **billy joel:** yes good a lot of peple are scared of me now   
that makes me invincible 

 **gay fool:** im not scared of u bitch

 **billy joel:** not yet

 **moky:** that sounds ominous

 **bitch:** and on that note lets go catch us a ghost

 **bread rat:** for the last time no one is catching a ghost  
we're just looking for one

 **billy joel:** i have a shoe box though

 **wank:** oh my GOD billie  
you. cannot. catch. a. ghost. in. a . shoe. box

 **billy joel:** frANK BROKE MY SHOE BOX  
i still have my ass ;)

 **milk friend:** if u bring a goddamn ghost back with us i'll never forgive u

 **billy joel:** why would i care bout forgiveness when i have a ghost in my ass


	152. do ghosts have fingernails

**gay fool:** billie i have a question  
how are ur pants too short when ur like 4 feet tall

 **billy joel:** tre u are literally walking beside me why not ask me out loud

 **gay fool:** i dont want to upset the ghosts

 **dirnk:** oh my god you guys there arent any ghosts 

 **milk friend:** true  
this is boring

 **bitch:** thats because u guys are being babies and wont come down to the basement  
dallon and i are having Fun™

 **lengthy leg boye:** *ryan is having fun  
im terrified 

 **bread rat:** do u think the ghosts would be upset if i stole a rlly nice painting 

 **moky:** are u talking about the painting of the old man

 **bread rat:** yep 

 **moky:** that thing is fucking horrifying why do u want it

 **bread rat:** it has an odd sort of charm to it  
just like billie <3

 **billy joel:** <3

 **dirnk:** at this point i hope a ghost scratches my eyes out

 **feet:** do ghosts have fingernails 

 **moky:** what the fuck pete

 **milk friend:** well considering ghosts are people and people have fingernails.. im gonna go with Yes ghosts have fingernails 

 **lengthy leg boye:** ghosts arent people though

 **bread rat:** yes they are  
you dont stop being a person when u die

 **bitch:** yes u do u become a ghost

 **milk friend:** and ghosts are people

 **feet:** NOT TO BE DISTRACTING BUT SOMEONE TOCHED MY NECK AND IM ALONE IN THIS ROOM

 **gay fool:** WHY ARE YOU ALONE WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO ANYWHERE ALONE  
THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE PETE

 **feet:** I WAS WITH MIKEY BUT HE GOT SALTY AND LEFT ME 

 **moky:** correction: i left u because u keep singing nickleback songs 

 **feet:** well it says nickleback on the wall so i figured the ghosts like it

 **moky:** no pete it says "never come back" on the wall u just dont know how to read

 **milk friend:** pete just come out to where we all are before u get possessed 

 **billy joel:** teh only person taking ghosts home in their ass is me

 **dirnk:** YOU ARE NOT  
if there is anything in ur ass when we leave ur staying here until it gets out

 **lengthy leg boye:** ryAN LOcKrd e ME IN TEH BASEMENT IM GOIMGF T DIE PLAES hekpE ME

 **bitch:** ha 

 **bread rat:** ryan wtf dont do that  
free him

 **lengthy leg boye:** FREE ME

 **feet:** SOMETHINGSTOUCHINGMYNECK

 **dirnk:** brendon and billie stop touching each other challenge 

 **milk friend:** mike full offence but u and billie were wprse than this

 **dirnk:** i know but brendon keeps holding his hand its DISGUSTANG 

 **gay fool:** what i want to know is  
why do we keep assuming possession happens through the anus 

 **billy joel:** uh becayse its obvious?   
how else does something get inside ur body if not through ur assole

 **bitch:** or u could swallow it

 **billy joel:** ryan thats gay

 **bitch:** SO SWALLOWING A GHOST IS GAY BUT HAVING ONE IN YOUR ASS ISNT ?!!

 **bread rat:** we dont even know this ghosts gender so it might not be gay at all

 **milk friend:** NO ONE IS SWALLOWING A GHOST  
BILLIE I SWEAR TO GOD IF THERE IS A DEAD PERSON INSIDE YOU WHEN WE LEAVE I WILL NOT BE HAPPY

 **lengthy leg boye:** necorplia at its finest

 **moky:** necorplia   
yes thats definitely english

 **lengthy leg boye:** LEAVE ME ALONE IM STUCK IN A GODDAMN BASEMENT 

 **bitch:** its where the rats belong

 **gay fool:** oh shit drag him ryan

 **lengthy leg boye:** NO DONT DRAG ME I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG

 **moky:** i cant believe everyones gonna die in this fucking hell house 

 **milk friend:** okay listen u hellions  
pete come the fuck here now  
ryan let dallon out of the basement   
brendon put the disturbing painting back u cant keep it  
billie stop inviting things into your body 

 **bread rat:** its my painting now bitch 

 **bitch:** ugh fine i'll let him out 

 **lengthy leg boye:** fuck you ryan

 **gay fool:** wait wheres frank he hasnt been in teh chat

 **wank:** im safely at home in my bed  
its too scary. far far to scary by far. i was scared

 **dirnk:** how were u scared all u had to do was stand outside and keep watch

 **wank:** yea but this old guy in a suit came over and told me to leave and it was p scary

 **moky:** what old guy   
what

 **wank:** idk  
he was old   
and he said we shouldnt be here so i left

 **milk friend:** whY DIDNT YOU TELL US

 **bread rat:** OH MY GOD I KNOW HWHAT HAPPENED  
I THINK FRANK SAW THE OLD MAN FROM MY PAINTING  
FRANK DID THE MAN LOOK LIKE THUS

_**bread rat sent a photo to gremlin cult** _

**wank:** ya thats him

 **bread rat:** FRANKSAWA GHOST FRANK SAW A FYCING GHSYDUY  [iduh

 **wank:** whatAFRFS

 **bread rat:** yeAH  
THIS MANS IS DEAD

 **dirnk:** brendon please thats such a basic horror movie plot

 **billy joel:** OK IM OUT BYE THOTTIES & BRENDON

 **bread rat:** NO WTF DONT JUST LEAVE ME HERE YOU HOE

 **moky:** HOW is brendon not a thot but i am

 **wank:** u boned miss jackson 

 **moky:** shut up 

 

 **dirnk:** qakswhg OKAY A CHair MOVED BY ITSELF IN GONE 

 **feet:** this house is evil goodbye

 **milk friend:** BILLIE U BETTER BE GHOST FREE U HOE

 **billy joel:** i cant promise anything

 **bread rat:** i cant blieve billie abandoned me :(  
heartbreak at its finest

 **dirnk:** *kim k voice* its what she deserves 

 **bread rat:** I HOPE YOU GET POSSESSED 


	153. I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE YOU FUCKING GARGOYLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy late birthday mike & dallon im SO sorry i havent updated i've been super busy lately :(

**\- billy joel** renamed the group  **county boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **bread rat:** i actually hate u right now

 

 

 **\- billy joel** changed  **bread rat's** name to  **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy**

 

 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** STO P

 **billy joel:** oops my finger slipped :)

 **dirnk:**  brooo that was a pretty intense hangover

 **milk friend:** well yea  
u drank more than all of us combined  
it looked like u were trying to drink urself to death

 **dirnk:** i was

 **moky:** oh  
why?

 **dirnk:**  because i cant stop being a salty bitch 

 **billy joel:** sis we been knew

 **dirnk:**  I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE YOU FUCKING GARGOYLE

 

 

 **\- dirnk** removed  **billy joel** from  **country boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **gay fool:** mike buddy.. you need some dick

 **dirnk:** i cant even get mad @ u because ur right dick is exactly what i need right now  
but like,, a specific persons dick  
and that specific person is too busy giving someone else dick  
and the person receiving the dick is UNDESERVING OF IT

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** :O

 **feet:** young man  
there are leaves all around  
i said young man  
eat a leaf off the ground

 **moky:** young man   
wont they make a cool sound   
when u STUFF. THEM. IN. YOUR. LEAF HOLE.

 **feet:** its fun to chew on the   
LEAVES ON THE GROUND

 **bitch:** watch me remove both of u if u continue

 **lengthy leg boye:** ignore him hes in a bad mood

 **bitch:** i will headbutt you in the teeth dallon i swear to god

 **lengthy leg boye:** can u even reach my teeth

 **bitch:** IM 5'11 IM NOT EXACTLY SHORT

 **lengthy leg boye:** yeah well theres a big difference between 5'11 and 6'3 :)

 

 

 **\- bitch** left  **county boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **wank:**  uh we forgot to add ray back

 **milk friend:** oh shit we did lmao

 

 

 **\- milk friend** added  **totoro** to  **county boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **totoro:** hi gays & mikey

 **moky:**  IM NOT STRAIGHT OH  MY GOD   
WE BOTH IDENTIFY AS MALE HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME STRAIGHT  
STOP CALLING ME STRAIGHT

 **totoro:** shut up hetero

 

 

 **\- moky** left  **county boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **gay fool:** im snorting why is everyone so mad today

 **feet:** hey what if i had a solution to all ur problems  
well 1 problem  
the mike being a horny salty wreck problem 

 **wank:** not interested 

 **dirnk:** hEY  
but u right

 **feet:** hear me out  
mike needs dick + tre has a dick that he isnt using = 

 **totoro:** oh jesus christ pete no

 **dirnk:** absolutely not

 **milk friend:** pete u made it sound like tre has a collection of penises

 **wank:** he probably does 

 **gay fool:** excuse me feeter i am using my dick  
im peeing as we speak

 **lengthy leg boye:** so how are u texting 

 **gay fool:** well dallon a lot of people have two hands and u can do two separate things with these 2 hands

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** 1 time dallon tried to text me while he was peeing and he dropped his phone in the toilet and cried

 **lengthy leg boye:** SHUT THE FUCK 

 **dirnk:** anyway pete to answer ur "solution"   
no im not gonna fuck tre

 **totoro:** i mean,,, u did once

 **dirnk:** YES RAY THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME

 **feet:** wait  
mike and tre hooked up before??  
omg tea

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** yup mike drunkenly cheated on billie w/ tre and then gerard drunkenly cheated on frank w/ billie  
it was messy

 **dirnk:** excuse me hoe dont talk to me about messy   
do u not remember cheating on both dallon and ryan like 6 times

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:**.........  
ok moving on  
im adding billie back

 

 

 **- sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy** added  **billy joel** to  **county boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **billy joel:** WHY AM I A GARGOYLE

 **dirnk:** BECAUSE YOU ARE

 **wank:**  no mike his name is goblin 

 **gay fool:** actually the original name was gremlin 

 **lengthy leg boye:** from gremlin to goblin to gargoyle  
now thats what i call character development


	154. pisspocalypse 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my friendos made the mcdonalds alignment triangle thing but with the whole chat and its Neat™ but idk where to post it uh help

**\- wank** added  **bitch** to  **country boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **\- wank** added  **moky** to  **country boy i love you lllllllllllah**

 

 

 **wank:** good morning squad

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** billie has a piss kinj

 **billy joel:** I WILL PISS ON YOU IF U SAY THT AGAIN

 **milk friend:** kinj

 **bitch:** kinj

 **totoro:** can we maybe not talk about piss this early in the morning

 **wank:** i said good morning squad

 **gay fool:** hi someone tell mike to stay out of my business

 **dirnk:** hi someone tell tre to stop hoeing around with teachers

 **moky:** tre is it the new guy mr wolfe

 **gay fool:** damn right its mr wolf have u seen the man

 **lengthy leg boye:** i have to agree with tre on this   
he's a solid 10/10  
and ryan dont even think about getting mad at me because i saw you staring at him

 **bitch:** ok yes fine hes hot

 **dirnk:** CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP FUCKING TEACHERS?

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** @mikey

 **moky:** choke

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** kinky ;)

 **billy joel:** dont u mean "kinjy" 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** shut up piss boy

 **totoro:** stop talking about piss

 **wank:** third time  
good morning squad

 **feet:** ehdgefr

 **lengthy leg boye:** sorry sweaty only room for 1 illusionist here :)

 **bitch:** WHY DO YOU STILL NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL ILLITERATE 

 **milk friend:** shut up ryan at least he didnt call a vagina a vagaga or a vagono

 **gay fool:** stop talking about vaginas mikey will get excited 

 **moky:** I BET YOUVE NEVER EVEN SEEN A REAL LIFE VAGINA TRE

 **gay fool:** i was born out of one bitch try again

 **wank:** GOOD MORNING SQUAD ?????

 **feet:** patricks mad that im hanging out w/ u guys more than him

 **dirnk:** he's welcome to hang out too 

 **feet:** i told him that  
he said he'd "rather not because billie and brendon might murder another person"

 **billy joel:** IT WAS ONE TIME

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** im gonna fight patrick]

 **bitch:** please dont

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** no i wont  
i would feel bad

 **lengthy leg boye:** oh so u feel bad about fighting patrick but u dont feel bad about all the times u hit me

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** patricks tiny and sweet  
ur not

 **bitch:** brendon shtut up

 **wank:** GOOD  
MORNING  
SQUAD

 **milk friend:** which one of u already got kicked out of class what the hell

 **gay fool:** mike

 **dirnk:** BECAYSE YOU KEEP TEXTING ME PICTURES OF MR WOLFE  
oh fuck ok he is hot i assumed it was just tre being a thirty hoe again

 

 

 **\- totoro** changed  **gay fool's** name to  **thirsty hoe**

 

 

 **thirsty hoe:** finally. a name that accurately represents my personality 

 **feet:** hey billie do u still have the pictures of miss jackson

 **billy joel:** yup

 **feet:** send them to the principal

 **moky:** NO

 **billy joel:** why

 **moky:** DO NOT

 **feet:** because shes a bitch

 **moky:** STOP UR GONNA GET HER FIRED

 **billy joel:** as much as i love causing drama im not gonna get a teacher fired just because u dont like her 

 **feet:** BUT SHE SAID I CANT WEAR HEELYS IN SCHOOL  
WHY CANT I WEAR HEELYS IN SCHOOL

 **bitch:** maybe because ur 16 not 6

 **feet:** excuse me?  
heelies have no age limit

 **totoro:** did u just... heelie away from her?

 **feet:** yes i did  
heelies are practical she cant catch me now

 **wank:** BILLIE hAS A PISS KINK

 **billy joel:** wha T TEHE FUCK FENAK

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** YES HE TOTALLY DOES

 **dirnk:** he does

 **thirsty hoe:** yup he def does 

 **billy joel:** SHUT UIP NL I DONT

 **wank:** ARE YOU FCUKING SERIOUS  
I SAID GOOD MORNING SQUAD FOUR (4) WHOLE TIMES AND NONE OF U REPLIED  
BUT I MENTION BILLIE HAVING A PISS KINK AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE LISTENS??????????????

 **thirsty hoe:** its because we all have piss kinks and we all got excited 

 **totoro:** please stop talking about piss i dont know how much more i can take

 **moky:** pisspocalypse 2018

 **lengthy leg boye:** PISSPOACLYPSE MIKEY OMG

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** all this piss talk is getting billie aroused ;)

 **billy joel:** I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON PISS AND DIE 


	155. the limp dicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My updating schedule has gone completely out the window i'm so sorry

**bitch:** on this glorious day of may 21 2018  
we finally have proof

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** proof of what

 **bitch:** dallon is definitely illiterate 

 **lengthy leg boye:** NO IM NOT I JUST GOT CONFUSED SHUT UP

 **totoro:** ryan bud we've known dallon is illiterate for like 2 years now

 **bitch:** no u dont understand  
we finally have proof

 **lengthy leg boye:** NO WE DONT GO AWAY

 **thirsty hoe:** hm and what is this "proof"

 **lengthy leg boye:** shut up ryan

 **bitch:** the teacher called on him to read 

 **billy joel:** oh no

 **bitch:** he couldnt read "alliance" and he said aliens instead  
the whole class fuckin died 

 **lengthy leg boye:** I CAN READ ALLIANCE I JUST THOUGHT IT SAID ALIENS

 **moky:** but... how?

 **bitch:** WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT SAY ALIENS??

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** yea im gonna have so side with everyone else sorry dal  
ur definitely illiterate

 **lengthy leg boye:** NO IM NOT STOP 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** remember when you kept pronouncing the olympics as the limp dicks

 **milk friend:** LIMP DICKS IM SHRIEKING WJAT THE HELL

 

 

 **\- dirnk** renamed the group  **the** **limp dicks**

 

 

 **lengthy leg boye:**...

 

 

 **\- lengthy leg boye** left **the** **limp dicks**

 

 

 **wank:** wow ok 

 **feet:** i cant believe i missed that 8(

 **totoro:** is that a sad sunglasses emoji?

 **feet:** yes  
sad but rad

 

 

 **\- feet** changed their name to  **sad but rad**

 

 

 **moky:** pete stop

 **sad but rad:** no

 

 

 **\- moky** changed  **sad but rad's** name to  **feet**

 

 

 **feet:** mikey be honest  
do u have a feet fetish

 **milk friend:** no but he does have a pete fetish ;)

 **moky:** I DONT HAVE A FEET OR A PETE FETISH    
IM HAPPY WITH RAY LAVE ME ALONE

 **thirsty hoe:** i keep forgetting ur in an actual relationship lmao i got so used to u being a salty whiny bitch bc pete didnt like u back

 **billy joel:** roast him tre

 **dirnk:** what the fuck i just found brendons twitter account

**sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** _yikes_

**dirnk:** what the fuck how do u have 27.8k followers 

 **billy joel:** have u seen his face

 **dirnk:** OH MY GOD BRENDON I FOUND YOUR FUCKING RANT ACCOUNT TOO  
ACTUAL TWEET FROM THE TRAINWRECK TRIO CLUSTERFUCK "they always make you out to be the bad person"

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** hEY GET OFF OF THERE STOP READING MY PRIVATE TWEETS

 **bitch:** bren sweaty u were the bad person :)

 **feet:** WHATS THE @ I NEED TO SEE THIS

 **dirnk:** nvm he put it on private :(  
im back on his main and ooh theres a link to a youtube channel

 **milk friend:** is brendon a secret youtuber

 **dirnk:** IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THE LATEST VIDEO TITLE OH MY GOD

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** hey dont hate   
i dont see u having almost 300k subscribers 

 **dirnk:** "STORYTIME: I GOT POSSESSED IN A HAUNTED HOUSE *NOT CLICKBAIT*"   
bren ur so basic im screaming 

 **wank:** imagine his next video afrer we harrass him for being a youtuber   
story time: BULLIED by my friends *not clickbait*

 **thirsty hoe:** A LOCAL FOUND MY RANT ACCOUNT *NOT CLICKBAIT*

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** I HAVE 287k SUBSCRIBERS YALL GOT NOTHING ON ME

 **dirnk:** ok gross "meet my new boyfriend"  
billie why did u sit in front of a camera with him for 10 minutes talking abt all the shit with the Trainwreck Trio™ 

 **billy joel:** im doing it for the drama  
his fans dont like me much bc they think im the reason he broke up w/ dallon and ryan

 **feet:** what if dallon or ryan makes a youtube channel and exposes what rlly happened 

 **bitch:** im on it 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** NO  
GO AWAY  
MIKE THIS IS YOUR FAULT

 **dirnk:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 **\- bitch** added  **lengthy leg boye** to  **the limp dicks**

 

 

 **bitch:** get in u illiterate fuck we're becoming youtubers 


	156. lindsay lohan but trashier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to hAVE HIGH HIGH HOPES FOR A LIVING SHOOTING FOR THE STARS WHEN I COULDNT MAKE A KILLING DIDNT HAVE A DIME BUT I ALWAYS HAD A VISION ALWAYS HAD HIGH HIGH HOPES

**feet:** do u think i should get a tattoo on my ass saying "open for business" 

 **milk friend:** excuse me

 **feet:** whoops sorry that wasnt meant for u guys

 **moky:** i can guarantee that no matter who u say that to, the answer will be no 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** some1 tell billie to stop being petty and childish 

 **billy joel:** some1 tell brendon to stop being petty and childish 

 **dirnk:** aw is this ur first fight as a couple  
interesting please continue 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** he drew huge black circles around his eyes just because i said he was wearing a lil too much eyeliner   
he looks like a raccoon

 **thirsty hoe:** thats billies rapper name: lil too much eyeliner

 **billy joel:** shut up brendon u rat

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** goblin

 **billy joel:** TROLL  
GO BACK UNDER YR BRIDGE

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** GO BACK TO UR HILLBILLY MURDER HOUSE

 **lengthy leg boye:** oh my god STOP ur both acting like 8 year olds

 **bitch:** says the one who cried when i burned his village on minecraft

 **lengthy leg boye:** I WORKED HARD ON THAT RYAN

 **totoro:** in about 10 minutes i'm gonna need yall to Tone It The Fuck Down™

 **wank:** no

 **milk friend:** why

 **totoro:** because my parents are Concerned and they want to see what we talk about in this chat  
so that means no talking about sex or murder or parties  
and no swearing

 **thirsty hoe:** yikesss thats a lot to take in i dont think we can manage that sorry 

 **dirnk:** tre dont be an ass

 **totoro:** i also need tre brendon and ryan to change their names

 **bitch:** no

 **thirsty hoe:** but never before has a nickname so accurately described who i am inside  
i truly am a thirsty hoe

 **totoro:** yes tre we all know that but i dont need my parents to know that

 **milk friend:** hold up i thought ur parents were Chill

 **totoro:** they are but thats bc they think im a pure innocent virgin who doesnt swear or drink alcohol or anything

 **feet:** wow they are in for a BIG surprise 

 **totoro:** PETER IF YOU TELL THEM ANYTHING I WILL CHOKE YOU OUT

 **feet:** one of my many kinks ;))

 **totoro:** NO TALKING ABOUT KINKS

 **moky:** wait do ur parents know about us?

 **totoro:** yes  
but they dont know we have The Sex™

 **milk friend:** RAY THATS MY BROTHER I DONT NEED TO KNOW THAT

 **totoro:** SORRY  
look,, please just change ur names to something parent-friendly 

 

 

 **\- lengthy leg boye** changed  **bitch's** name to  **mega bitch**

 

 

 **mega bitch:** dalLON 

 **totoro:** dallon ur being so unhelpful rght now :/

 

 

 **- sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy** changed  **mega bitch's** name to  **ryan**

 

 

 **ryan:** thats so basic

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** you are basic

 **ryan:** and ur a whore

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** hoW AM I A WHORE

 **ryan:** YOU HAVE DATED 3 PEOPLE IN THIS CHAT ALONE  
NOT TO MENTION SPENCER  
AND THE SHIT U DID WITH JON  
AND I KNOW ABOUT UR LITTLE HOOK UP WITH PETE TOO

 **billy joel:** whos jon

 **ryan:** his old fuck buddy

 **totoro:** no  
we dont talk about fuck buddies

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** LEAVE JON OUT OF THIS

 **moky:** excuse me whats that about pete

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** lets not get into that

 **feet:** it was a long time ago

 **ryan:** oh and then there was the drunk blowjob with tre

 **billy joel:** WHAT  
WHEN

 **thirsty hoe:** oh yikes i thought we got away with that

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** LISTEN IT WAS SOMEWHERE AROUND THE WHOLE DALLON/RYAN MESS   
AND TRE WAS JUST THERE  
AND WE ALL KNOW TRE IS A HOE AND WILL LITERALLY DO ANYTHING

 **lengthy leg boye:** YOU ARE ALSO A HOE AND WILL LITERALLY DO ANYTHING  
how trashy can u get brendon oh my god

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** YOU SIR ARE IN NO POSITION TO BE CALLING ANYONE TRASHY  
YOU SNORTED COCAINE OFF OF A STRANGERS ERECT PENIS, BLACKED OUT FOR 3 DAYS AND WOKE UP IN A CRACK HOUSE  
THATS AS TRASHY AS IT GETS

 **lengthy leg boye:** THAT WAS ONE TIME

 **totoro:** NO NO NO   
NO TALKING ABOUT THE DICK COKE INCIDENT 

 **milk friend:** but the dick coke incident was Iconic™  
like i kno it was a bad time for dal but he became our token lindsay lohan for a few weeks

 

 

 **\- sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy** changed  **lengthy leg boye's** name to  **lindsay lohan but trashier**

 

 

 **linday lohan but trashier:** hey stop that

 **ryan:** OH brendon also had sex with that guy brent

 **dirnk:** the greasy one?

 **ryan:** yep

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** THAT WAS A SECRET RYAN YOU LITTLE THOT

 **ryan:** and he fucked kenny too 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** st O P

 **totoro:** ok can yall uhh maybe stop talking about cocaine and listing the people brendon has fucked

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** fucked over more like

 **ryan:** ooooh  
drag him dal

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** eat shit you literal anal cavity

 **wank:** 9 people  
you have had sex with 9 people 

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** 9 that u know of ;)

 **thirsty hoe:** that is Goals tbh  
i can learn a lot from brendon

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** ;)

 **billy joel:** god dammit sotp being a whore

 **totoro:** listeN  
STOP  
i still need brendon and tre to change their nicknames 

 **thirsty hoe:** :(  
but fine

 

 

 **\- thirsty hoe** changed their name to  **the snoo**

 

 

 **feet:** what the hell is a snoo

 **wank:** did u try to type snoop dogg

 **the snoo:** what  
no  
why would i type snoop dog

 **wank:** because its snoop dogg

 **ryan:** why are we talking about snoop dogg

 **totoro:** brendon  
ur nickname needs to change

 **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy:** no thank u

 **billy joel:** i'll deal with it

 

 

 **\- billy joel** changed  **sweet daaAAaaAAAaaddy's** name to  **fivehead**

 

 

 **fivehead:** FOREHEAD JOKES ARE SO OLD YOU GARGOYLE

 **billy joel:** >:)

 **fivehead:** t(-_-t)

 **billy joel:** :P

 **fivehead:** :(

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** did you guys just... have an argument using emojies ?

 **billy joel:** go away trashrat

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** traSHRAT?  
YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING RACCOON

 **billy joel:** BITCH IM FUCKING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND COME AT ME

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** I HOPE HE GIVES YOU CHLAMYDIA 

 **totoro:** OK NOW IS THE TIME TO  _S T O P_ INSULTING EACH OTHER AND SWEARING OK

 **feet:** but our friendship is based on insulting each other and swearing 

 **milk friend:** true

 **wank:** is anyone else shooketh to the bone that dallon can even spell chlamydia 

 **totoro:** OH NO  
FRANK U NEED TO CHANGE UR NAME IN THE NEXT 2 SECONDS

 **wank:** THTAS NOT ENOUGH TIME

 

 

 **\- linday lohan but trashier** changed  **wank's** name to  **fr12k**

 

 

 **ryan:** HOW DID YOU SPELL FRANK WRONG YOU ILLITERATE DICKSHIT

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** I WAS UNDER PRESSURE  
AND IM NOT INSTITUTIONALISED 

 **fivehead:** AFTER ALL THIS TIME HOW CAN YOU STILL NOT SPELL ILLITERATE 

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** AFTER ALL THIS TIME HOW ARE YOU STILL SUCH A WHORE

 **totoro:** no  
No one is a whore

 **the snoo:** dallon: can spell chlamydia  
also dallon: cannot spell frank

 **totoro:** nobody has chlamydia either

 **fr12k:** HI MR AND MRS TOTO SORRY ABOUT THIS WE'RE NOT USUALLY THIS LOUD AND HANGRY

 **dirnk:** did you really just type hangry

 **fr12k:** SORRY I MEANT ANGRY

 **billy joel:** "toto"

 **the snoo:** its gonna take a lot to take me away from youuuuuuuuu

 **ryan:** theres nothing that a hundred men or more could ever dooooooooo

 **milk friend:** i bless the rains down it africaaaaaaa

 **moky:** gonna take some time to do the things we never had

 **feet:** SHOULD I CHANGE MY NAME TOO I DONT WANT RAYS PARENTS TO THINK I HAVE A FOOT FETISH

 **totoro:** STOP TALKING ABOUT FETISHES NO ONE HAS A FOOT FETISH

 **the snoo:** idk man  
i feel like if i saw the right foot i could Nut

 **totoro:** trE NO


	157. shut up brendon you have the personality of a plastic bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh does anyone even care about this anymore?

**feet:** i just listened to dallon and ryan repeat "clunge" to each other for half an hour 

 **ryan:** clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** clunge

 **ryan:** c l u n g e

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** C L U N G E

 **feet:** stop it stop it STOP IT   
WHAY ARE YE DOING

 **moky:** that sounds incredibly scottish pete r u ok

 **fr12k:** clunge?

 **ryan:** clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** clunge

 **ryan:** it sounds so funny when u keep saying it  
clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** i know  
clunge

 **ryan:** clunge

 **feet:** please  
i dont know how much more i can take

 **milk friend:** im kind of scared to ask what clunge means   
frank can ask for me

 **fr12k:** what does clunge mean

 **ryan:** idk but its Fun™  
clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** clunge

 **the snoo:** Clunge, noun: vulgar slang for a woman's genitals

 **milk friend:** oh

 **totoro:** oh

 **dirnk:** oh

 **moky:** oh

 **fr12k:** oh

 **feet:** oh

 **ryan:** haha clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** clunge

 **feet:** s t o P

 **billy joel:** yo mike  
michael  
micholas  
mikester

 

 

 **\- billy joel** changed  **dirnk's** name to  **micholas**

 

 

 **micholas:** if u continue i will drill into ur kneecaps

 **billy joel:** ok damn chill  
can u do me a favor real quick

 **micholas:** what

 **billy joel:** can u tell mr turner there was a family emergency and i had to go home  
he's looking for me and im in the secret closet

 **fivehead:** being dramatic again i see

 **billy joel:** assuming things again i see

 **fivehead:** you put the ass in assuming

 **billy joel:** i put the ass in a lot of things ;)

 **fivehead:** that doesnt make sense sweaty :)

 **billy joel:** shut up brendon you have the personality of a plastic bag

 **micholas:** and its finally happening  
but yes i can lie to mr turner for u

 **billy joel:** thank u i love u

 **fivehead:** w O W

 **micholas:** o...ok?

 **the snoo:** mike probably just nutted in his pants

 **micholas:** trE NO

 **totoro:** is this the end of billdon

 **moky:** great now theyre gonna bitch at each other on and off for the rest of their lives

 **fr12k:** can i ask what happened?

 **fivehead:** no

 **fr12k:** ok then

 **the snoo:** heres my theory:

 **feet:** please dont

 **the snoo:** be quiet  
so heres my theory: brendon and billie never actually loved each other 

 **milk friend:** believable tbh

 **the snoo:** they were just horny and lonely and theyre both fuckin Hot™ so obviously they hooked up

 **milk friend:** also believable 

 **the snoo:** but then they decided to date just to prove to all of us that they can handle mature relationships

 **fr12k:** yea thats something they would do

 **the snoo:** but obvioulsy brendon is clingy and annoying   
and billies tolerance for that kind of stuff is shorter than he is   
so now its over :( rip billdon 2018-2018

 **micholas:** that actually.... makes a lot of sense

 **billy joel:** tre can u just Not please  
not today

 **fivehead:** i agree lets not talk about this today or ever  
what happened happened and now its over and im ok with that

 **moky:** ur crying in the bathroom arent u

 **fivehead:** shUT UP MIKEY I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINSG OK

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** wow uh ok

 **ryan:** hey dal

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** what

 **ryan:** clunge

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** CLUNGE

 

 

 **\- feet** removed  **ryan** from  **the limp dicks**

 

 

 **\- feet** removed  **lindsay lohan but trashier** from  **the limp dicks**

 

 

 **feet:** finally,, peace

 


	158. haha breasts

**fivehead:** ry a  
rY  
rryan  
dall o n  
dllon  
wjeRe is ruan and dallon

 **totoro:** oh my god brendon please chill with the alcohol 

 **fivehead:** wh ETE IS.RYAN anD DALDOn

 **moky:** the foot removed them remember

 **fivehead:** oh yea  
ha

 

 

 **\- fivehead** added  **ryan** to  **the limp dicks**

 

 

 **\- fivehead** added  **lindsay lohan but trashier** to  **the limp dicks**

 

 

 **fivehead:** comn to peets house

 **feet:** peet

 **ryan:**..why?

 **fivehead:** bacsuse is brtdhay  
bitrhdy  
birh

 **totoro:** oh my god

 **fivehead:** pets borth

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** pets borth  
ok that makes sense

 **milk friend:** brendon is REALLY fucking drunk right now lmao  
like, alcohol poisoning level drunk

 **ryan:** holy shit is he okay?

 **fivehead:** iam fnine

 **fr12k:** yea it was petes birthday on the 5th but he didnt tell us so we're partying yeet

 **feet:** listen,,, i didnt tell u because i thought u were gonna be /those/ sort of friends who sing happy birthday and shit  
and honestly i would rather put my hand in a blender than experience that  
aslo patrick is here and he misses u guys come see him  
and theres many alcohols and The Good Kush™

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** sounds fun count me in

 **ryan:** ok not to be an over protective parent but can i trust u not to .. idk.. die? 

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** oh my GOD ryan dont

 **ryan:** ok but u keep saying u want to die and i cant tell if ur joking or not....

 **lindsay lohan but trashier:** maybe i am maybe im not who knows lets go

 **fivehead:** dalo come get durkn wit, Me

 

 

 **\- lindsay lohan but trashier** changed their name to  **dalo**

 

 

 **totoro:** someone take the alcohol away from brendon before he needs a liver transplant 

 **fivehead:** NO

 **fr12k:** IM CRYING GERARD TRIED TO TAKE IT FROM HIM AND HE BIT HIS HAND

 **milk friend:** whaT THE FUCK BRENDON

 **moky:** where are billie mike and tre   
where they go

 **micholas:** we r havifhn our owb pastry in thr basemetn  
party

 **the snoo:** pastry 

 **billy joel:** dont wnt to be near tha RAT brendon >:(

 **feet:** oh dear  
i thought u guys were still friends

 **fivehead:** hes salt

 **billy joel:** AM NOT SALT

 **fivehead:** YES SALT

 **billy joel:** No

 **micholas:** brendon is  rat i agre E

 **moky:** ok before everyone starts arguing can someone just please take the alcohol away from brendon 

 **billy joel:** i will

 **fr12k:** this should be interesting 

 **totoro:** billlie its taking u a really long time to get out of the basement

 **billy joel:** tHe stairs are moving

 **fr12k:** this should be  _very_ interesting

 **milk friend:** frank stop

 **fr12k:**   nah

 **ryan:** oh my god who let brendon get that drunk wtf

 **the snoo:** sometimes i wish i had boobs

 **micholas:** boobs?

 **the snoo:** yes boobs

 **billy joel:** haha breasts 

 **feet:** I LITERALLY JUST CHOKED BILLIE OMG

 **the snoo:** listeb to me  
if i had The Boobs™ i would have THE BEST thinf to sAy  
"welcome 2 titty town"

 **dalo:** WELCOME 2 TITTY TOWN 

 

 

 **\- fr12k** renamed the group  **welcome 2 titty town**

 

 

 **micholas:** is...  
is that the only reasob u wwanT bobs

 **the snoo:** yes.

 **moky:** bobs

 **ryan:** send bobs and vagene

 **totoro:** dan nicky your bobbies

 **milk friend:** me, an intellectual: daniel nicole thine roberts

 **feet:** THATS IT  
I AM PHYSICALLY WHEEZING  
I CANT BREATHE  
THIS IS HOW I DIE  
SOMEONE TELL PATRICK I LOVE HIM

 **moky:** im cackling billie just came up to take brendons drink away but he passed out before he even got to him  
oh and now brendons trying to feed him goldfish to wake him up

 **ryan:** thats,,,, weirdly cute  
hes giving him a blanket omg 

 **dalo:** omg billdon <3  
its still disgustang but omg

 **micholas:** tre is wriTibg titty town on his chest im

 **milk friend:** we love an artist 

 **fr12k:** tre my boi u better come thru & send them titty pics

 **the snoo:** i gotchu <4  
fricc <3

 **micholas:** <4

 **totoro:** <4

 **moky:** <4

 **ryan:** <4

 **the snoo:** st  
stO p

_**the snoo sent a photo to welcome 2 titty town** _

**dalo:** um tre thats just an extreme close up of ur nipple :/

 **the snoo:** dont be so ungrateful 

 


	159. jeff goldblum

**ryan:** the new teacher looks like jeff goldblum   
discuss

 **dalo:** theres nothing to discuss he looks nothing like jeff goldblum

 **feet:** dallon do you have eyes  
he looks /exactly/ like jeff goldblum

 **the snoo:** hold up which jeff goldblum are we talking 

 **ryan:** i wasnt aware there was more than one jeff goldblum..?

 **the snoo:** no i meant which era jeff goldblum  
because the era will strongly affect how much i care

 **ryan:** current era jeff goldblum

 **the snoo:** CURRENT ERA JEFF GOLDBLUM ?   
OK I HAVE TO SEE THIS IMMEDIATELY 

 **milk friend:** you guys have said jeff goldblum 8 times in less than 2 minutes

 

 

 **\- fr12k** renamed the group  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **micholas:** it would be better if he looked like jurassic park era jeff goldblum but i can get behind current era jeff goldblum too ig

 **billy joel:** lets be real here  
jurassic park era jeff goldblum was HOT but current era jeff goldblum is something else

 **milk friend:** 14 jeff goldlbums 

 **fivehead:** 15 jeff goldblums

 **milk friend:** 16 jeff goldblums

 **fivehead:** 17 jeff goldblums

 **totoro:** please stop

 **ryan:** IM SCREAMING  
HIS NAME IS MR JEFFRIES   
WHAT THE FUCK

 **dalo:** WHAT

 **the snoo:** mr jeffries is gonna like.... get it....

 **totoro:** trE NO  
NOBODY IS GONNA GET ANYTHING  
PLEASE DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANYMORE TEACHERS

 **the snoo:** THE MAN LOOKS LIKE CURRENT ERA JEFF GOLDBLUM RAY CAN U BLAME ME?

 **totoro:** ok u make a good point  
current era jeff goldblum is a stone cold fox

 **moky:** right ok we're all on the same page  
current era jeff goldblum is fucking hot

 **feet:** ok not to derail from current era jeff goldblum becuse i love him  
but u know what i find scary?? the fact that the teachers at this school dont have a problem with having sex with underage teenagers 

 **fr12k:** that is actually a very good point  
someone should do something about tthat

 **the snoo:** its fine   
its consensual 

 **feet:** ik its consensual but its weird  
especially the principal  
the man is 50 years old married to a woman with 3 children but he has regular sex with a 16 year old boy

 **micholas:**  ok yea that is really weird

 **the snoo:** how about instead of attacking me we focus on  the fact that miKEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN MISS JCKSON PREGNANT

 **billy joel:** i still have those photos ;)

 **moky:** DELETE THEM YOU HOE

 **billy joel:** calling me a hoe isnt very nice :(

 **moky:** you literally are a hoe though so idc  
seriously billie its been like 2 weeks are  you rlly that desperate

 **milk friend:** yep im lost someone explain

 **micholas:** mikey dont

 **moky:** wait  
do u know i know

 **micholas:** of course i know u know  
ur really not as sneaky as u think

 **dalo:** oH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS  
OH NO  
HANG ON

 

 

 **\- dalo** removed  **fivehead** from  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **ryan:** what the hell?

 **dalo:** ARE BILLIE AND MIKE BACK TOGETHER?

 **the snoo:** AKJHJIHGD  
WHAT  
ARE THEY  
OH MY GOD  
THEY BETTER BE  
IM SQUEALING

 **totoro:** YES   
FINALLY  
NO OFFENCE TO BRENDON BUT HIM BEING WITH BILLIE MADE BOTH OF THEM 50% LESS TOLERABLE 

 **micholas:** oh my god calm down  
we're not like,, officially back together yet

 **billy joel:** were just seeing what happens

 **dalo:** we cant tell brendon

 **ryan:** what why  
i wanted to rub it in that another person left him lmao

 **dalo:** what the fuck dont be an asshole

 **ryan:** dont act like you wouldnt do the exact same thing

 **dalo:** i wouldnt? because im not a complete fucking dickhead like you 

 **ryan:** im???   
ok   
whatever

 **dalo:** fuck off ryan

 

 

 **\- dalo** removed  **ryan** from  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **dalo:** ok so no one tell brendon yet  
hes hiding it well but hes rlly upset about billie leaving him

 **billy joel:** yikes  
he said he was fine with it :/

 **feet:** are we not talking about that little argument right there

 **dalo:** he's just being a dick lately ignore him

 

 

 **\- dalo** added  **fivehead** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **fivehead:**  ok and why did i get removed?

 **fr12k:** josh was being satanic again and things got weird idk

 **fivehead:** josh is here???  
josh my buddy my homie 

 **totoro:** he left

 **fivehead:** that was rude?  
someone add him back he blocked me  
wait where did ryan go

 **dalo:** ryan is a fuck

 **fivehead:** lowkey agree  
add josh add josh add josh 

 

 

 **\- moky** added  **Josh Dun** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **fivehead:** hello how dare you leave before i say hi

 **Josh Dun:** what

 

 

 **\- dalo** removed  **fivehead** from  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **dalo:** brendon thinks u were here just now ok

 **Josh Dun:** but why

 **fr12k:** listen its a long story  
all u need to know its brendon and billie broke up and now billie is back with mike and brendon CANT KNOW ok

 **Josh Dun:** BRENDON AND BILLIE WERE TOGETHER???

 **feet:** YOU DIDNT KNOW?   
scandalous 

 **moky:** i misread that as sandals

 

 

 **\- dalo** added  **fivehead** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **fivehead:** :(  
stop removing me 

 **Josh Dun:** why is the chat called jeff goldblum though

 **milk friend:** because the new teacher mr jeffries looks like jeff goldblum

 **billy joel:** and hes also incredibly hot

 **Josh Dun:** omg he does  
and yes he is

 **dalo:** am i the only one who doesnt see it?

 **Josh Dun:** ok so what else did i miss??

 **the snoo:** hello yes i can fill u in  
billie bleached his hair and he looks like a sponge and he also locked brendon in a closet for an entire weekend  
brendon and billie FINALLY got together  
mikey accidentally texted pete and told him he loved him and caused a mini fight  
gerard bought fake cocaine from billie for $450 to plant in petes locker but he planted it in dallons locker instead and dal almost got arrested  
we went to a haunted house which was cool and frank spoke to a ghost and brendon stole a painting  
mike found brendons youtube channel which has almost 300k subscribers for some reason  
rays parents monitored the chat it was TERRIFYING   
brendon and billie broke up :(

 **Josh Dun:** im  
what  
the   
actual  
hell?  
i forgot how wildly out of control everyone is 

 

 

 **\- Josh Dun** changed their name to  **spooky jim**

 

 

 **milk friend:** omg are you staying????

 **spooky jim:** maybe

 **fivehead:** i promise i wont murder anyone else


	160. all hail he; THE GOBLIB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brendon came out as pansexual we love an icon <3  
> JUMPSUIT AND NICO AND THE NINERS OH MY GODDDDDDDDD  
> happy birthday ray ily <3  
> THIS IS SO LATE IM SO SORRY

**the snoo:** BILLIE IS CHASING Me

 **micholas:** uh,, why?

 **billy joel:** fuckin g   
mys  
MY  
fvU CK

 **micholas:** excellent  
thank u for ur input

 **billy joel:** LAG  
LAGGY pHoNE  
he lLpm e

 **micholas:** u r chasing tre... because ur phone is lagging?

 **billy joel:** ima chA si  
chase  
chasing  
s,

 **fivehead:** oh my god he's turning into dallon this is so sad alexa play despacito :(

 **dalo:** no alexa do not play decapitation 

 **feet:** DECAPITATION   
NO

 **dalo:** eta my asd

 **moky:** "eta my asd" same

 **micholas:** tre what did u do 

 **the snoo:** PLEASE HELP ME HE IS SCARY WHEN HE RUNS HE LOOKS LIKE A GOBLIN

 **billy joel:** IM   
no t   
noT A goblib

 **fr12k:** goblib

 

 

 **\- fr12k** changed  **billy joel's** name to  **goblib**

 

 

 **spooky jim:** all hail he; THE GOBLIB

 **goblib:** pleas e tsop  
bul,ying Me  
M PHOnE IS LEG

 **fivehead:** "my phone is leg"   
this is so sad alexa play despacito

 **dalo:** the alexa memes arent funny shut up

 **fivehead:** you shut up you illiterate fuck

 **dalo:** im adding ryan back i need someone to back me up

 

 

 **\- dalo** added  **ryan** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **dalo:** brendon is bullying me 

 **ryan:**  this is so sad alexa play despacito

 **dalo:** SIOPHDU  
NO

 **micholas:** tre is chasing billie but we dont know why

 **ryan:** spoojy  
sppoky  
what the fuck

 **feet:** has everyone just.. forgot how to spell today  
what is happening

 **the snoo:** HES SO FAST   
SPEEDY GOBLIN MAN

 **goblib:** ur An fuc k  
poe  
s  
FUCK IGN PHOBE I  
IS  
lag

 **ryan:** oh jesus thats a pretty strong case of illiteracy 

 **goblib:** NOT i;terate

 **ryan:** soudns fake but ok

 **the snoo:** S P E E D Y  
I CANT ESCAPE HIM

 **micholas:** rip tre 

 **milk friend:** ok fuckers listen up  
WAIT

 

 

 **\- milk friend** added  **Tyler Joseph** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **\- milk friend** added  **Patrick** **Stump** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **milk friend:** if u could all direct ur attention to me for a minute 

 **goblib:** Tr e  
vg  
s op  
stop

 **Tyler Joseph:** ayoo

 **spooky jim:** tyler !!!!!!!

 **Tyler Joseph:** <3

 **feet:** patrick!!!!!!

 **Patrick Stump:** no

 **feet:** </3

 **fivehead:** this is so sad alexa play desopo

 **fr12k:** ah yes my favorite song; desopo

 **ryan:** IM WHEEZING DALLON SNATCHED HIS PHONE AWAY BEFORE HE COULD FINISH TYPING

 **fivehead:** ive taken control of brendons phone until he learns to behave

 **dalo:** this is so sad alexa play despacito :'(

 **fivehead:** GET OFF OF MY PHONE 

 **Patrick Stump:** i see nothing has changed  
but for some reason i dont want to leave

 **feet:** y e e t  
stay

 **Patrick Stump:** maybe

 

 

 **\- spooky jim** changed  **Tyler Joseph's** name to  **tyjo**

 

 

 **spooky jim:** see  
its like u never left

 **tyjo:** <3

 **milk friend:** can yall uhhhhh listen   
please

 **fr12k:** we can try

 **milk friend:** good enough  
in honor of rays birthday.. the fifth lemon party shall commence tomorrow night @ my house  
price of admission is 5 lemon each except ryan who can bring whatever 

 **totoro:** omg :')  
i couldnt ask for a better birthday ily 

 **moky:** wow is it the fifth one already

 **milk friend:** ya  
or maybe its the fourth  
idk 

 **the snoo:** LEMON PARTY LEMON PARTY LEMON PARTY 

 **Patrick Stump:** hi not to get emotional but i hella missed u guys 

 **tyjo:** same actually   
without this chat i had no purpose

 **spooky jim:** you had me :/

 **tyjo:** yes but ur not the chat are you

 **goblib:** lem   
le  
LOEmen par t y  
y,es 

 **micholas:** ok forreal now what the fuck happened to your spelling

 **the snoo:** ive escaped the goblib so i can explain now  
i downloaded a fuck ton of furry porn onto his phone so now it doesnt work because its so laggy  
and hes mad

 **goblib:** gona del  
eidj  
dleet  
DLETE  
fuc.k

 **totoro:** its ok take ur time

 **goblib:** delete  
the porm  
1 sec

 **fivehead:** im calling it  
as soon as he can type a readable message hes gonna call tre a thot

 **goblib:** TRE YOU BITCH ASS THOT

 **fivehead:** HA  
I WAS CORRECT

 **dalo:** shut up no one cares

 **fivehead:** eat my asshole

 **feet:** i cant tell if they have each others phone or what right now

 **the snoo:** STAY AWAY DEMON

 **goblib:** i will literally report you  
THERE WAS SO MUCH PORN JESUS CHRIST

 **the snoo:** do it no balls

 **goblib:** ohoho i will 

 

 

 **\- the snoo** left  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **feet:** where he go

 **fr12k:** no my brethren  
come back 

 **ryan:** im already anxious about how many lemons are going to be there  
5 each so thats 5x13   
i cant count someone add that up

 **tyjo:** 75  
no  
idk

 **dalo:** uhh  
243?  
im bad at math 

 **feet:** well its a proven scientific fact that gays cant do math

 **fivehead:** my final answer is 80

 **moky:** are you fucking serious  
GUYS 5x13 IS 65  
dallon where the fuck did you get 243 from

 **dalo:** brendon had my phone

 **fivehead:** NO I DIDNT UR JUST FUCKIGN DUMB

 **milk friend:** well this just further supports the theory that MIKEY IS A HETERO 

 **moky:** IM NOT A HETERO I JUST KNOW HOW TO DO BASIC MATH

 **milk friend:** shut up bitch u are basic math

 **moky:** i dont even know what that means but im hurt

 **fr12k:** god that was stresful please no mroe numbers

 **ryan:** ok so there are going to be 65 lemons   
im scared

 **micholas:** why did tre just climb through my window does he not know how to use a front door  
HI ITS TRE I HAVE MIKES PHONE

 **totoro:** oh?

 **micholas:** BILLIE YOU FUCKING MENACE 

 **goblib:**???????  
WHAT

 **micholas:** WHEN YOU REPORTED MY ACCOUNT I GOT BANNED FROM THE FUCKING CHAT

 **spooky jim:** IM WHEEZING OH NO

 **feet:** someone try to add him back

 **moky:** im cackling it wont let me

 **fr12k:** i cant do it either  
my brethren is gone forever :(

 **micholas:** WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO  
hi its mike again BILLIE WHY HE KEEPS TAKING MY PHONE NOW

 **goblib:** THE PORN MICHAEL  
THE PORN  
THERE WAS SO MUCH

 **micholas:** heyo its ya boi tre again  
billie i wonder what will happen if i report you hmm

 **tyjo:** oh my god

 **fivehead:** yes,, do it

 **goblib:** dont side with him u hoe

 **fivehead:** get rekt thot

 **micholas:** im sorry billie  
i have no choice

 **goblib:** trE NO

 

 

 **- goblib** left  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **Patrick Stump:** yikes

 **micholas:** dont test me bicth

 **milk friend:** i cant believe our squad is 2 down :(  
tragic

 **fivehead:** this is so sad alexa play despacito

 **dalo:** brenDON STOP


	161. lil stump

**feet:** eskeetit

 **Patrick Stump:** stop it

 **feet:** ;(  
oh my god u have no nickname this is blasphemy 

 **Patrick Stump:** oh my god pete dont

 

 

 **\- feet** changed  **Patrick Stump's** name to  **lil stump**

 

 

 **lil stump:** this is grotesque 

 **fivehead:** wow pete ur an icon

 **feet:** thanks i try my best 

 **micholas:** i miss billie and tre  
mikey ur the chat wizard unblock them

 **moky:** idk how ???

 **milk friend:** wait  
i have a solution  
mike is there anyway u can unreport billie

 **micholas:** i didnt report him tho  
tre did

 **milk friend:** i am aware of this  
but tre reported him from ur account so u need to unreport him and then we can add him and he can unreport tre and then we can add him too

 **ryan:** thats actually.. not terrible  
well done gerard 

 **dalo:** yes ryan hi what the FUCK are you wearing

 **ryan:** a hazmat suit  
why

 **fr12k:** WHY ARE YOU WEARING A HAZMAT SUIT

 **dalo:** EXACTLY MY QUESTION  
LOOK AT HIM

_**dalo sent a photo to jeff goldblum** _

**tyjo:** HE LOOOKS LIKE A SPACEMAN

 **spooky jim:** spaceman ross

 **fivehead:** SPACEMAN ROSS I JUST EXHALED ALL OF MY WATER

 **ryan:** this is BULLYING 

 

 

 **\- dalo** changed  **ryan's** name to  **spaceman ross**

 

 

 **spaceman ross:** DALLON

 **totoro:** blease answer us why are u dressed as a spaceman 

 **spaceman ross:** its a HAZMAT SUIT  
and im wearing it to the lemon party so no one (billie,frank) can throw lemons at me 

 **fr12k:** well we can still throw them at u...

 **milk friend:** frank nO

 **lil stump:** if anyone dies i stg i'll never talk to any of u again  
pete included

 **feet:** D:

 **micholas:** alrighty i unreported billie  
and speaking of billie he just took his pants off and yelled "release the rampant manhood" i hate him

 **fivehead:** are u guys..  
back together?

 **micholas:** what  
no  
why  
no

 **fivehead:** ur a shitty liar

 **micholas:** ok fine   
we're not actually "together" again but we're seeing how things go

 **fivehead:** oh  
ok then

 **spaceman ross:** how many people have broken up w/ u now?

 **fivehead:** shut up

 **dalo:** ryan leave him alone 

 **spaceman:** lets see  
theres me and dallon and billie  
and spencer and jon too  
oh and didnt pete also break up with u?

 

 

 **\- fivehead** left  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **dalo:** why

 **spaceman ross:** i was kidding jfc

 **dalo:** yea well dont   
he gets upset abt this stuff  
leave him alone

 **totoro:** add him back  
and ryan shut the fuck up

 

 

 **\- dalo** added  **fivehead** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **spaceman ross:** im sorry  
i was just fucking around

 **fivehead:** please just dont ok

 **milk friend:** no negative energy @ the lemon party pls  
its like,, the one (1) good thing we have

 

 

 **\- micholas** added  **goblib** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **goblib:** GET CLAPPED TRE YOU LITTLE HOE

 **micholas:** tre isnt here

 **goblib:** oh

 **tyjo:** u have to unreport him so he comes back

 **goblib:** hm  
yes  
good idea

 **dalo:** ryan is dressed as a spaceman

 **spaceman ross:** ITS A HAZMAT SUIT NOT A SPACE SUIT

 **milk friend:** what time are yall coming over

 **lil stump:** now  
pete is getting unbearable 

 **feet:** hey thats not nice

 **lil stump:** YOU HAVE SAID ESKETIT OUT LOUD 46 TIMES

 **moky:** pete, what the fuck

 

 

 **\- goblib** added  **the snoo** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **the snoo:** fuckIING FINALLY   
DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN

 **dalo:** ryans dressed as a spaceman 

 **the snoo:** skinny legend 

 **spaceman ross:** IT. IS. A. HAZMAT. SUIT.

 **spooky jim:** why is this like when u kept getting mad that people were calling it a threesome instead of Healthy Polyamory™

 **totoro:** speaking of Healthy Polyamory™...

 **fivehead:** no  
not happening  
im done dating people 

 **tyjo:** the Healthy Polyamory™ was iconic though :'(

 **feet:** AYE GERARD OPEN THE DOOR

 **milk friend:** dont shout pls it upsets my plants

 **goblib:** i am wearing approximately 0 pants

 **moky:** what

 **micholas:** please put pants on   
we need to go to the lemon party

 **goblib:** can it be a pantsless lemon party

 **moky:** it definitely can NOT

 **goblib:** homophobia 

 **lil stump:** petes already injured oh my god  
he said he was gonna "scale gerards house like spiderman" and he fell

 **spaceman ross:** im??  
a small child just asked if i was an astronaut 

 **dalo:** see? spaceman

 **micholas:** ok billie finally has pants on we're coming

 **goblib:** i feel so; trapped  
my balls need AIR michael

 **michael:** U HAVENT WORE PANTS ALL WEEK HOW MUCH AIR DO THEY NEED

 **goblib:** ALL OF IT MIKE  
ALL OF THE AIR

 **spooky jim:** for a second i forgot where gerard lived but then i saw the spaceman in the front yard  
thanks ryan

 **spaceman ross:** dallon keeps throwing lemons at me make him stop

 **lil stump:** gerard do ur parents ever ask why theres lemons everywhere

 **milk friend:** nope they just kind of go with it

 **totoro:** ryan where the hell did u get the hazmat suit from

 **spaceman ross:** 1 sec i'll screenshot the website  
here

_**spaceman ross sent a photo to jeff goldblum** _

**fr12k:** IM CACKLING ITS ACTUALLY A SPACE SUIT

 **spaceman ross:** NO IT ISNT 

 **feet:** ryan sweetie look at the top of the screen  
its a space suit halloween costume

 **totoro:** ITS JULY AND UR WEARING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME IM CRYING

 **spaceman ross:** shuT UP LEAVE ME ALONE GIO AWAY

 **dalo:** all hail spaceman ross

 **the snoo:** spaceman ross! spaceman ross! spaceman ross!


	162. no one is getting sacrificed to floating a sex doll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have any of u dudes read the other stuff i posted? if so .. should i post more or what? help a bitch out here

**tyjo:** is anyone awake

 **feet:** no

 **tyjo:** ok  
but u should know theres a sex doll floating around outside

 **milk friend:** i-  
theres a WHAT

 **spooky jim:** yeah theres a floating sex doll  
tyler and i have been watching her for a few minutes now

 **moky:** why didnt u stop it

 **spooky jim:** she looks like she's having fun up there

 **fr12k:** the expermiment worked  
tre we're geniuses !!!

 **the snoo:** wow i cant believe we invented science

 **micholas:** what did you even do?

 **the snoo:** we filled her up with helium and now she is airborne 

 **goblib:** legends

 **dalo:** ALL FEAR THE MYSTERIOUS FLOATING SEX DOLL

 **fivehead:** woow i should noT havee eaten those lemons  
ughghghhghh i feel so s ick right now 

 **totoro:** you... ate a lemon

 **fivehed:** 4 lemons  
wakey wakey big mistakey 

 **micholas:** hey dallon  
why is there a pile of blankets next to u

 **dalo:** its my blanket pile

 **micholas:** yes but why

 **fivehead:** blanket pile hm? seems suspicious

 **dalo:** it is not

 **goblib:** hang on  
when brendon smuggled dallon in through the window at the first lemon party  
he hid under a pile of blankets

 **lil stump:** check the blankets

 **dalo:** NO LEAVE MY BLANKETS ALONE

 **milk friend:** DALLON WHAT THE HELL WHO THE FUCK IS THAT

 **dalo:** LEAVE HIM ALONE  
i will explain   
1 sec

 

 

 **\- dalo** added  **Ryan Seaman** to  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **the snoo:** pee after sex or u will get a PhD 

 **feet:** pee DURING sex 

 **micholas:** billie does that

 **goblib:** HEY IT WAS ONE TIME

 **Ryan Seaman:** what the everliving fuck did you just add me into dallon?

 **dalo:** first rule of jeff goldblum: billie has a piss kink

 **goblib:** NO I DONT

 **milk friend:** DALLON YOU CANT JSUT INVITE WHOEVER YO WANT  
NO  
ILLEGAL  
PUNISH HIM

 **lil stump:** gerARD WHAT THE HELL DONT LOCK HIM IN THE CLOSET

 **milk friend:** HE HAS TO LEARN

 **moky:** BANISH THE TRAITOR

 **tyjo:** YEA BANISH THE TRAITOR

 **dalo:** STOP  
STAY BACK DEMON

 **the snoo:** BANISH THE TRAITOR BANISH THE TRAITOR BANISH THE TRAITOR

 **dalo:** let me out of this fucking closet right now i swear to god

 **goblib:** BANISH THE TRAITOR

 **dalo:** THIS DIDNT HAPPEN TO BRENDON WHEN HE DID THIS

 **fivehead:** tragic :/  
oh hey ryan ur the one who beat ryans ass

 **Ryan Seaman:** ryan?   
oh wait u mean the once-ler   
yea lmao   
is he here too?

 **fr12k:** yea somehwere  
ryan where r u

 **totoro:** uh guys  
did any of u touch ryan with a lemon

 **lil stump:** no  
how could we he's wearing a spacesuit 

 **totoro:** because he looks extremely dead right now

 **milk friend:** oh no

 **spooky jim:** did he die again   
jfc ryan 

 **fivehead:** oh shit   
that bitch is dead  
tre stop poking him

 **the snoo:** i thought he was faking   
turns out He Is Not

 **Ryan Seaman:** im so,, confused

 **fivehead:** yea this tkes some getting used to  
anyone wanna provide a backstory real quick while we drag ryans dead ass to a hospital

 **tyjo:** yes im good at this  
ok so our lemon party tradition got out of hand one time and ryan died because hes actually super allergic to lemons  
but its ok he came back   
thats why he's wearing a spacesuit so the lemons dont touch him

 **spooky jim:** he thought it was a hazmat suit

 **Ryan Seaman:** he.... came back?

 **goblib:** so did i after gerard stabbed me

 **tyjo:** billie this isnt about u :/

 **fr12k:** im heartbroken :(  
ryan never got to see our floating sex doll

 **Ryan Seaman:** but why is there a floating sex doll

 **micholas:** she is our god  
we pray to her every night that our crops flourish and our children grow strong

 **feet:** every weekend must make a sacrifice   
ur days are numbered ryan 

 **lil stump:** pete stop it  
no one is getting sacrificed to floating a sex doll

 **spooky jim:** PATRICK :O  
DO YOU WANT HER TO TAKE OUR CHILDREN AND BURN OUR CROPS

 **lil stump:** oh my god yALL ARE SO FRUSTRATING  
I ENVY DEAD RYAN SO MUCH RIGHT NOW  
WHY DOES HE GET TO SKIP OUT ON THIS TRAINWRECK

 **fivehead:** the night is still young  
we can arrange for you to die as well

 **lil stump:** im not comfortable with u making murder jokes on account of u being an actual murderer

 **fivehead:** it was MANSLAUGHTER bitch check yo facts

 **Ryan Seaman:** i-

 **lil stump:** MANSLAUGHTER MEANS IT WAS ACCIDENTAL  
YOU FUCKING PLUNGED A KNIFE INTO SOMEONES NECK   
THAT WAS NOT ACCIDENTAL THTS MORE LIKE,,, FIRST DEGREE MURDER

 **Ryan Seaman:** IM???

 **fivehead:**  FIRST DEGREE MURDER IS WHERE U PLAN IT OUT  
IT WAS V O L U N T A R Y  M A N S L A U G H T E R

 **lil stump:** WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT MUDRER  
I HONESTLY WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF U WERE A SECRET SERIAL KILLEr

 **goblib:** stop  
talking  
about  
murder  
in  
my  
chat

 **Ryan Seaman:** how the hell does dallon manage to put up with u guys

 **totoro:** hes had a few breakdowns along the way but hes ok now

 **fr12k:** the dick coke incident

 **moky:** i cant believe this is the SECOND time we have to go to the hospital in the middle of the night all because ryan couldnt stay alive  
smh he's so inconsiderate 

 **spooky jim:** do u think ur parents will car that we took their car again

 **milk friend:** nope  
oh shit  
dallons still in my closet

 **dalo:** i hate everyone in this goddamn chat

 


	163. bully brendon day

 

 **milk friend:** squad trip to collect ryan!!!

 **spaceman ross:** please,, my dad is a bitch ass thot and wont come

 **Ryan Seaman:** wait so he's ok?

 **dalo:** yea  
he had a heatstroke because of his dumb space suit lmao what a tit

 **Ryan Seaman:** you dont seem worried abt him ?????

 **fivehead:** he's died before this is nothing new

 **Ryan Seaman:** wait whAT   
u were serious about that??

 **totoro:** yup

 **spaceman ross:** hm.. hang on  
why is the dollar store ryan here

 **goblib:** DOLLAR STORE RYAN IM CACKLE

 **Ryan Seaman:** i-  
wow

 **the snoo:** im sorry my man but i gotta do this

 

 

 **\- the snoo** changed  **Ryan Seaman's** name to  **dollar store ryan**

 

 

 **spaceman ross:** thank u tre  
my one true friend in this hellchat

 **dalo:** uh  
biTCH?

 **spaceman ross:** U ADDED THE BEAST  
U R NOT MY FRIEND

 **dollar store ryan:** IM SORRY BUT WHAT DID I EVEN DO?

 **spaceman ross:** YOU TOLD EVERYONE I LOOK LIKE THE ONCE-LER AND THEY ALL AGREED

 **dollar store ryan:** YOU DO LOOK LIKE TEH FUCKING ONCE-LER THOUGH  
ANYONE WITH EYES CAN SEE IT

 **fivehead:** i actually didnt notice until u said

 **goblib:** thats because u dont wear ur glasses sweaty :)

 **fivehead:** dont sweaty :) me you little hoe

 **goblib:** i may be a little hoe but you sir are a Large Hoe

 **micholas:** drag him billie

 **spooky jim:** LARGE HOE

 

 

 **\- spaceman ross** changed  **fivehead's** name to  **Large Hoe**

 

 

 **Large Hoe:** WHT tHE FUCK RYAN  
fine  
if u wanna play this game

 

 

 **\- Large Hoe** changed  **dollar store ryan's** name to  **gucci ryan**

 

 

 **\- Large Hoe** changed  **spaceman ross's** name to  **dollar store ryan**

 

 

 **dollar store ryan:** brebDON YOU FYCJING HOE

 **gucci ryan:** brendon is now my best friend

 **goblib:** be careful  
he is indeed a Large Hoe and will probably try to hook up w/ u at some point

 **Large Hoe:** ok u know what  
i dont care anymore  
IM A FUCKING HOE AND IM PROUD  
(im not proud of cheating on people,, that was bad and i regret it)

 **totoro:** btw while u guys were doing... that  
gerard mikey and i left to go get ryan

 **fr12k:** offended that u didnt invite me but ok

 **milk friend:** u were asleep

 **fr12k:** yeah?? you could have carried me to the car  
im not very big

 **tyjo:** eyo good morning

 **lil stump:** its the middle of the afternoon

 **tyjo:** oh  
zoinks

 **feet:** you gys  
the sex doll is stuck in a tree

 **fr12k:** no!  
tre we must rescue her

 **totoro:** u guys are not climbing a fucking tree to get a sex doll down

 **the snoo:** yes we are

 **spooky jim:** oh there they go  
neither of them are tall enough to reach the first branch  
ok now dallons going out to help them

 **totoro:** i didnt ask for a live blog

 **spooky jim:** ur getting one anyway  
dallon is in the tree

 **Large Hoe:** a tree in a tree

 **spooky jim:** the sex doll has been freed!!!  
oh but now dallons stuck  
frank is on tre shoulders trying to get him down

 **totoro:** can u all just go inside pls

 **milk friend:** ray they cant just leave dallon in a tree

 **moky:** gerard you literally locked dallon in your closet for over 5 hours last night

 **milk friend:** oh shit  
i did do that

 **gucci ryan:** #stopdallonweekesabuse2018

 **micholas:** didnt we use that hashtag before

 **goblib:** yea i think  
brendon was probably being mean to him again

 **Large Hoe:** what the fuck  
is this bully brendon day or somethiing

 **dollar store ryan:** yes  
ur a bitch 

 **Large Hoe:** ooh  
insult me harder daddy ;)

 **dollar store ryan:** ok fine  
ur a dumbass whore 

 **Large Hoe:** mm again ;))))

 **dollar store ryan:** FINE  
ur lowkey a fuckboy asshole and youve somehow fucked up EVERY relationship youve ever had and now ur alone and u have to suffer bitch

 **Large Hoe:**  stop it ur turning me on

 **dollar store ryan:** ok i give up wtf

 **Large Hoe:** brendon: 1  
ryan: 0

 **tyjo:** uh..... he just locked himself in the bathroom i think u actually upset him then

 **dollar store ryan:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
well my ride is here gotta dash

 **spooky jim:** dallon is out of the tree  
sadly the sex doll didnt survive the trip

 **the snoo:** our goddess  
our beautiful goddess :(

 **gucci ryan:** cant u just buy a new one

 **feet:** no we cant just buy a new goddess 

 **dalo:** yeah ryan i have a question  
what is your problem with brendon

 **gucci ryan:** i dont have a problem with brendon what

 **dalo:** i meant dollar store ryan

 **dollar store ryan:** first of all i shouldnt be dollar store ryan i should be fucking chanel ryan  
and second of all.. he did something again and it pissed me off

 **lil stump:** hm.. did what exactly

 **dollar store ryan:**  he told me he still loved me and then the next day was like "lol actually no i dont"

 **spooky jim:** thats actually kind of shitty

 **Large Hoe:** i didnt say that at all but go off i guess  
what i said was "i think i still like you" and then i realized that i only like u in a platonic kind of way

 **micholas:** still,, u shouldnt say that shit unless ur sure  
bc that could fuck someone up

 **Large Hoe:** oh my god hop off my dick he doesnt even care  
ryan do u even care?

 **dollar store ryan:** yes bitch i do care

 **Large Hoe:** oh  
well fuck

 

 

 **\- Large Hoe** left  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **goblib:** im?????  
brendon  my boy :( what is u doing

 **dollar store ryan:** dont start feeling sorry for him  
i swear to our sex doll goddess i will slap u

 **totoro:** AHAHAHAH  
MIKEY GOT OUT OF THE CAR TO DO THE KEKE CHALLENGE THINGY AND GERARD DROVE OFF W/OUT HIM

 **milk friend:** bye bitch

 **moky:** they ask u how u are and u just have to say that ur fine when ur not really fine but u just cant get into it because they would NEVER understand :/

 


	164. billie is a gay icon

**micholas:** the Heteros™ are misbehaving again

 **feet:** oh no whats mikey doing now

 **moky:** FUCK OFF PETER

 **goblib:** we were at the mall and i called myself a faggot and this group of basic ass straighties from school overheard  
1 of them was like "ur not allowed to say that its homophobic" so i was like "bitch im gay i can say what i want"

 **micholas:** tell the whole story billiam

 **tyjo:** BILLIAM

 **goblib:** mm,. fine  
he said if im allowed to call myself a faggot then he should be allowed to call me it too and i was like ?? honey no  
but shock horror he called me it anyway!!! so i threw my milkshake on him

 **micholas:** yes and then security made us leave  
and billie called them "homophobic trash people" because they let the heteros stay

 **dalo:** we stan a  gay icon

 **goblib:** <3

 **micholas:** dallon no ur not supposed to encourage him

 **totoro:** by that story it sounds like billie misbehaved as well

 **goblib:** yes but the disgusting hetero started it so he's to blame not me its the rules  
wheres bren he would LOVE this strory

 **dollar store ryan:** he isnt welcome here until he sorts his act out

 **fr12k:** oh my god ryan just dont

 **goblib:** hey  
leave him alone

 **dollar store ryan:** ur so far up his ass its actually sad

 

 

 **\- lil stump** removed  **dollar store ryan** from  **jeff goldblum**

 

 

 **lil stump:** new rule; negativity will get u removed  
he can come back later

 **totoro:** thank u patrick i was getting tired of constantly being the mom

 **goblib:** uh not to alarm anyone but the heteros are following us?

 **micholas:** wtf  
oh shit they are

 **milk friend:** run

 **gucci ryan:** do u guys ever stop spamming this chat

 **the snoo:** no

 **goblib:** i hate straight boys so much oh my GOD

 **feet:** what happened r u ok

 **goblib:** yea  
he's upset that i called him a hetero and hes trying to say its a hate crime

 **micholas:** this is pretty funny the dude is bitching at billie but billies just looking at his phone  
its making him even madder im crying

 **goblib:** i need to give the people a good story michael  
straight dude number 1: its hurtful when u call us things like hetero  
straight dude number 2: its not nice being insulted because of our sexulaity  
biTCH DONT U THINK I KNOW THAT

 **milk friend:** billie please dont fight the straights

 **micholas:** "so if u can call us hetero we can call u faggot and queer" sweetie... no  
bILLIE FUCK

 **moky:** o no  
what did he do

 **micholas:** "this is so sad but im too gay to care go cry ur straight tears somewhere else"

 

 **\- the snoo** renamed the group  **billie is a gay icon**

 

 

 **goblib:** thank u bby i try my best  
yike he is Mad™

 **spooky jim:** you know theyll probably come for u when we go back to school right

 **goblib:** ah shit  
i didnt think about that

 **goblib:** im adding brendon he needs to know how Iconic i am

 

 

 **\- goblib** added  **Large Hoe** to  **billie is a gay icon**

 

 

 **goblib:** scroll up for a fun story

 **Large Hoe:** ok?  
oH MY GOD I LOVE U

 **fr12k:** who has weed   
im out

 **the snoo:** me  
i do

 **fr12k:** sick  
tyler, josh we're stealing ur treehouse

 **tyjo:** wtf no get down from there

 **the snoo:** too late  
join us if u want

 **spooky jim:** alrighty

 **milk friend:** hey im coming too

 **feet:** nah u guys are not leaving me out of this

 **spooky jim:** pls,, be gentle  
our treehouse is delicate   
and kind of small

 **goblib:** are u guys planning on leaving the weed dad out of this because uh thats Rude

 **lil stump:** and who is the weed dad..?

 **goblib:** me  
im the weed dad

 

 

 **\- the snoo** changed  **goblib's** name to  **weed dad**

 

 

 **weed dad:** thank u tre my loyal servant

 **totoro:** does this mean mike is the weed mom

 **weed dad:** y yes  
tre do ur thing

 

 

 **\- the snoo** changed  **micholas's** name to  **weed mom**

 

 

 **weed mom:** i love it :')

 

 

 **\- the snoo** changed their name to  **weed baby**

 

 

 **weed baby:** we r a family

 **tyjo:** the weed family

 **Large Hoe:** that would make me the,,, weed cousin? weed uncle? what am i

 **fr12k:** ur the disaster cousin

 **Large** **Hoe** : hm,,..i like it

 

 

 **\- Large Hoe** changed their name to  **disaster cousin**

**lil stump:** pete is definitely the emo cousin

 **feet:** xD

 **lil stump:** i just physically gagged do not do that again

 

 

 **\- weed dad** changed  **feet's** name to  **emo cousin**

 

 

 **emo cousin:** its,,, Perfect  
im tearing up

 

 

 **weed mom:** i know what gerard is!!

 

 

 **\- weed mom** changed  **milk friend's** name to  **goth aunt**

 

 

 **goth aunt:** beautiful 

 **emo cousin:** i feel threatened 

 **dalo:** the 2 genders; emo cousin and goth aunt

 **weed dad:** WEED DAD IS IN THE HOUSE  
weed dad is out of the house

 **weed baby:** he just fell backwards out of the treehouse


	165. san francishets

 

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **gucci ryan:** every day this chat confuses and scares me more 

 **emo cousin:**  If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **lil stump:** pete what are u doing

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don't wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **totoro:** why does this stuff always happen at 1am  
go to sleep

 **fr12k:** u go to sleep

 **totoro:** no u

 **fr12k:** no

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **moky:** pete stop omg

 **gucci ryan:** is he always like that

 **lil stump:** yes

 

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **weed mom:** update on the san francishet situation;  
their parents somehow found out that billie lives with me and theyre all trying to accuse him of a hate crime its so funny 

 **tyjo:** did,, did u just call them san francishets

 **weed baby:** SAN FRANCISHETS MIKE I LPVE U OMG

 **weed dad:** one of the straighties parents told mikes mom that i "bullied and harrassed" her son because of his sexuality and i cackled out loud

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **dalo:** pete please  
ur scaring the children

 **disaster cousin:** yes im scared

 **dalo:** oh yea btw ryans coming over tomorrow and yall are gonna talk through ur shit because i cannot deal w/ u both texting me bitching abt the other anymore

 **disaster cousin:** i long for the sweet embrace of death

 **dalo:** tough shit buddy

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **lil stump:** pE T E  
STOP

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **goth aunt:** its 2am

 **fr12k:** gay

 **goth aunt:** how is 2am gay?

 **fr12k:** sorry i assumed u were gonna say some gay shit because thats what u usually do

 **goth aunt:** thats fair

 **gucci ryan:** who is breadbitch69 and why are they spamming me on insta  
wait  
brendon go away

 **disaster cousin:** no

 **gucci ryan:** all of ur posts are semi nudes what the hell

 **disaster cousin:** i save my full nudes for tumblr xoxo

 **weed baby:** whats ur tumblr  
i need 2 know for educational purposes

 **moky:** tre no

 **disaster cousin:** tre my man if u want me to send u nudes u can just ask  
but my tumblr is brendaddy420

 **spooky jim:** why are u like this

 **disaster cousin:** all the good users were taken  
dall buddy why did u just like one of my posts

 **dalo:** FU c K  
I DIDNT  
IT WAS AN ACCIDNET  
GO AWA y

 **weed mom:** omg were u stalking brens nudes

 **dalo:** nO

 

 

 **\- dalo** left  **billie is a gay icon**

 

 

 **totoro:** yikes

 **weed baby:** i dont blame him theyre some class a masturbation material

 **fr12k:** tRE NO

 **disaster cousin:** ;)

 **totoro:** is this the rise of trendon?

 **moky:** ray stop

 **totoro:** tr E N D O N ?

 **lil stump:** im going to sleep

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 **lil stump:** PET

 **tyjo:** "pet"

 **goth aunt:** kinky

 **lil stump:** i am /this/ close to leaving  
oh my god now petes climbing through my window GO AWAY IM SO TiRED

 **spooky jim:** i rlly want fish sticks right now

 **weed mom:** i rlly want some dick right now

 **weed dad:** that can be arranged

 **weed mom:** excellent

 **lil stump:** hi its pete i have patricks phone

 **moky:** wow i didnt know u could say actual real sentences that arent about mesothelioma 

 **lil stump:** i broke my phone screen and i cant type i can only copy and paste things  
and the last thing i had copied was that

 **gucci ryan:** but why

 **lil stump:** ryan honey u have a lot to learn if u plan to stick around  
dallon will have to teach u  
its patrick again i banished pete from my house

 **tyjo:** smart move

 **disaster cousin:** i miss dal :(

 

 

 **\- disaster cousin** added  **dalo** to  **billie is a gay icon**

 

 

 **dalo:** leave me alone

 **disaster cousin:** i havent said anything yet

 **dalo:** yes but i know ur going to

 **disaster cousin:** u know me so well  
its like we're made for each other

 **dalo:** ok no we're not doing this again  
stop

 **weed dad:** sounds like yall need some Relationship Advice™

 **dalo:** no we dont we're fine

 **fr12k:** billie  
all of ur advice revolves around getting high

 **weed dad:** of course  
so my advice to The Trainwreck Trio™ is...  
get /really/ high and fuck and make up  
works every time

 **disaster cousin:** sounds like a plan

 **dalo:** n O  
oh my god please  
NO ONE IS HAVING SEX

 **weed dad:** hm..... this problem seems pretty bad  
i better come to ur house tomorrow when ryans also there

 **moky:** o no

 **totoro:** o no x2

 **spooky jim:** o no x3

 **weed dad:** dont worry everything will be ok :) im a certified relationship counsellor   
i'll supply the weed 

 **disaster cousin:** great.. im gonna be in a room with 3 people that have been inside me

 **gucci ryan:** oh my god they were right you are a hoe

 **dalo:** ryAN FUCK

 **disaster cousin:** u know it bby ;)

 **lil stump:** why did i ever come back to this stupid chat

 **emo cousin:** If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA

 

 

 **\- lil stump** removed  **emo cousin** from  **billie is a gay icon**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Tag Yourself: The Groupchat AU That Nobody Asked for Edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13839963) by [arindo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arindo/pseuds/arindo)
  * [Unnecessary group chat au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121039) by [0avenue0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/0avenue0/pseuds/0avenue0)
  * [Just Another Emo Trinity Group Chat AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021397) by [MyChemicalGeeNote](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalGeeNote/pseuds/MyChemicalGeeNote)
  * [a dumb green day group chat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558505) by [greengay409](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengay409/pseuds/greengay409)




End file.
